Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Ep158 Rethinking Celebration: Acts Of Care As Resistance
The holidays can feel like two different seasons at once: sentimental and sparkly on the surface, heavy and hectic underneath. Besties Angella and Leslie speak honestly about both and offer a way forward that doesn’t require a shopping cart—just attention, time, and a little creativity.
If you’re ready to trade obligation for intention and make celebration feel like care, this conversation will meet you where you are. Press play, build one small ritual, and let joy be the loudest thing in the room. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a gentler holiday, and leave a review to help others find us.
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Hey Ange.
SPEAKER_02:Hey Bless. How's it going?
SPEAKER_01:It's the most wonderful time of the year.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. That is the job. You are such a listen. Anybody that knows me knows. And we have proof. We have proof. We have an uh episode for I don't know. It must have been season three. I don't know, but we're in season 16 right now, where Leslie confessed. I don't like this time of year. She she doesn't like this time of year. I wasn't always like this.
SPEAKER_01:I think the world here's a poem I read. And if any of our listeners can put it in the chat or respond, I'll find some prize to get give you. But there is a poem that goes, The world is too much with her.
SPEAKER_03:Ooh. Okay, splay Lucy. I don't remember the poem. Okay, so I can't look it up.
SPEAKER_01:What does it mean? It's it's it's the season that I'm going through right now. It's it's a weary season. The world is too much.
SPEAKER_02:I got you. You know, it's it's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah, it it is a lot. It is a lot. And we were gonna kind of call this episode just this, it's it's just a season of of of sadness and challenges. And um it's also Christmas season, and I am not in the boat with Leslie around Christmas. I'm not into the consumerism of Christmas anymore, thank goodness. But you've emancipated yourself from that. I have, yes, but I am in the in the community and the family aspect of of Christmas, which I which I don't think you ever had an issue with. You just get mad 364 other days, and you you know, you can't wait. It's the funniest thing being around Leslie. And we will leave a link to the podcast that we're referring to, the episode that we're referring to. But where Leslie and I, she really she was like, What is all this Christmas stuff? What is the music? It's like a day into November, and it was it was our humbug and the the shirt she's wearing. Can you move your your hair a little bit just to she's she's she's serious about that? She's really serious about that.
SPEAKER_01:We have to say, welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_02:I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free-thinking 60-something-year-old black women, and we are determined, we are living more joyful and bold lives on purpose. We invite you to join us on our journey. More importantly, we invite you to start and or continue your joy journey. And believe it or not, we are gonna be talking about joyful things today. Yeah, despite the Bahamas, and I'm typically a joyful person. Except now, just not now. Leave me alone, leave me alone. So, anyway, um, I do enjoy the Christmas season. It's very different this year because there's so much going on that is um weighty, as we say in Jamaica. It's weighty. And um, but I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my family, even um extended family. We're all gathering and um, you know, we're doing a secret scent uh, we're planning ahead. It's crazy how well this one is planned. We typically don't plan like that. I mean, my kind of I am more of a let's get together. What let's do it today. And some members of my family, thank goodness, are let's make a plan. So there have been Google Shepherd itineraries and um events that we're excursions that we're gonna do and plans for um for meals and things like that. So I'm really excited about that. And one of my young nieces, actually grandniece, is is the one who is um managing the Secret Santa. So it's pretty exciting. Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Um Bui for you. No, I'll I'll use this as an opportunity to see people that I love. That's true.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I'll I'm not gonna go into why I don't like the season. I'm not trying to make this unhappy and unpleasant and all. It's just that the commercialism and the consumerism has just taken over.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I reject it so vehemently that I rather bless Christ, think about my family, give gifts on any other day than December 25th.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:So with my own silent protest.
SPEAKER_02:So with that in mind, uh we do have some ideas to share with you on things that you can do that are somewhere in between Leslie and I in terms of um in terms of um, you know not not spending um or spending very little, um, still respecting the the the boycotts that you are supporting, that we are supporting, and um being even more intentional in gift giving. So we have what five or six ideas with you. You did? Okay, excellent.
SPEAKER_01:And yes, these are gifts that show people that you care. It's not just a cursory gift that, oh, I found something, you know, a stocking stuffer, right? You know, in the aisle as you're going down. But it's something that it's a little bit, it's it's meaningful, and people will know that you put a little effort or thought about it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And most of them don't require any particular um crafty skills, you know. You you just have to really, guess what? You have to think about why you love people. You you have to act on that love. What a concept. You actually have to use love as the verb and and do something. So do you want to start, Les? You you start because this was your your idea.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so I'll start with I'll start with two gifts. They're they're linked. Okay. One of the things I did one year, which was very effective, I think, in showing how much I care about people. I not only do I cook, but I bake. Yes. And I love making home-baked goods for people. She's so good at it. And wrapping them nicely because the recipient knows that you put some time into it and to hand someone a beautifully wrapped cake that you made, you know, I I think that's very special.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. The other thing that I did for the the let me say on that, that's also really good if you are visiting family or or friends' homes. You can take uh homemade things. My partner is making cookies, and so you can bring some of um the lug that you put into what's that? Yeah, you can bring some of you. Some of you, okay. There we go. Because I'm like, I'm not, I don't, I don't get it twisted. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do not expect that from me. Do not all nervous from me. I just want to be clear. I rebuke that idea of me cooking. I will crochet you a something. Yes, but I will not. That would turn it into a Halloween hara. That would be like who brought the potato salad. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So I I am giving some of some crochet gifts.
SPEAKER_01:But anyway, go ahead. But in in in that same vein, what I did one year is I have this famous apple cake. And because people weren't next close to me and I wasn't able to present it to them personally, I put all of the dry ingredients together in a really nice container with the instructions and what to add to it.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, that's right.
SPEAKER_01:And then I was able to send that. I think I also did with the apple cake some blueberry muffins and put um and put that those ingredients together, and all they had to do was add the wet milk and eggs and whatever. Right. So that that was a um really nice and presented it and sent it in many cases. Yeah. So people have it when they're ready to make a cake, they just have to add the the wet ingredient. I love it.
SPEAKER_02:Love it, love it, love it.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, your turn.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so one that I have is a remember when we used to make mixtapes?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Going back to that. Oh my gosh, that was a way of showing somebody that you cared, especially like if a guy gave you the tape and then you would be listening to the songs, and it's like, I wonder if he thinks this way about me. And it's like, nah, I just like the song. I just like the baby. Calm down. You know, was that song for me? We sit here in our room and sit here and listen to them. So, yeah, go ahead about the mixtape.
SPEAKER_02:So, you know, you may know that they're not called that anymore. Okay, they're called playlists, but I think that that would be just a sweet way of creating a playlist playlist for different members of your family, yeah. Yes, you know, to share songs that you have enjoyed in in your kind of generation, um, and pass it on to the younger generation. It could be even playlists of um of speeches, it could be playlists of podcasts, it could be playlists. Oh, that's a great idea.
SPEAKER_01:I never thought outside of the music genre of a playlist, but things that your loved ones or people you care about would like to listen to. Inspiring things. I know you like to listen to things as you sleep.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:So it could be asleep, like that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, whatever you and it's great for people that you don't see all the time or people that you kind of struggle with. Well, I I don't know what we're gonna talk about, you know, and that may get in the way. Send them a really nice podcast, and that could be something that you talk about. That could last for a few conversations. I think so. That could last for a few conversations. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Wow, that's really cool. I um it's it's not gonna be a gift, but I've put together a playlist um for my wedding. Oh my fiance doesn't know about it. Oh, been like jotting things down and putting it together and make a playlist.
SPEAKER_02:Mix all the things. You can um this is by the way, most of these things, if I didn't mention, are no cost, low cost. You just have to um use love as a verb and and do the thing.
SPEAKER_03:And do the thing. Okay. You go.
SPEAKER_01:One of the things I've done, you mentioned it a little bit, but I crochet. And every year I used to make um hats for my nephews and send them um their crocheted hats for the year.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_01:You know? So that's another thing. Obviously, you have to start early.
SPEAKER_02:You have to go fast.
SPEAKER_01:Or go in in my spare time. But um, I'm looking at a hat I made right now that I just wore today.
SPEAKER_02:Oh handmade gifts like that are are really cool. And you know, um, you may find some local people, and this is um uh this is not free, but if you want to do something like that and support some local artists, you may be able to find people in your community that um do these types of things and you can um you can support them in that way. And you're still showing the love because you're not just going on some of the big box stores or you know, these online places and um and supporting your local local community. Okay. So another one I have is um so it's called Random Acts of Kindness. Um this came to me because my children um they went to a middle school, it was a magnet middle school called um AB Combs. Um and their kind of um uh mission was around the seven habits of highly effective people. And so all of all of that um Stephen Covey stuff, you know, think win-win and seek first to understand um before you're understood, and all of those things. And one of the things that they um they encouraged were random acts of kindness. The way that that showed up with one of my children, I won't say which one, was me like why is your lunch account getting depleted so fast? Like, what is going on? Oh, I I Johnny doesn't um have enough money to get a dessert every day, so we sit together and I buy the dessert and we both so that it's a random act of kindness, mom. You can't argue with that. So I you know it's add a little extra to the account. Just add a little extra to the account. So that might be something that um as a gift, you write down things, maybe 12 things, one for each month, that would make the other person like, you know, this isn't about you. You get the joy of giving, but it is what the other person may want. Um, and then they get a stack of 12 things that could be beautifully wrapped, too. And they get to turn one in once a month. Um, and so it could be, you know, whatever it is. It could be things like, you know, cooking your special dinner, or it could be um whatever you think they they they like, um, giving them a um and it's uh it's showing that you know them, that you see them, and that you're willing to spend some time doing thinking about it and putting it together. Exactly. Exactly. So 12 random acts of kindness, 12 monthly random act of kindness. And that could be like on cards, or you can just get card stock or listen, don't make it complicated. Because then card stock is something then you don't do it. Cardstock is something that I keep around. You don't have cardstock, don't worry about it. Do it on um index cards, or yeah, that kind of stuff. I save stuff so I mean listen, I used to save the inserts in um, you know, like socks or um uh right the cardboard deck. The cardboard that's rectangular because they're perfectly and you save them, but then you get to do things like that. But that's me. That's me.
SPEAKER_01:You know what else I could think about with that rectangular cardboard? Yeah. Bookmarks. How often am I reading a book and what do I have to put in it? A crumpled up piece of paper. You know, bookmarks are always great. What I've done in the past for myself, not a gift, but it would be perfect. Yeah, I've seen in some magazines some beautiful pictures or whatever, and I've laminated them and made bookmarks.
SPEAKER_02:Ah, that's so smart.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, that's so smart.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So that's an idea for a bibliophile.
SPEAKER_02:That's right. A lot of things you can do. Listen, your printer can do more than eight and a half by eleven. You just have to write there's that little slidey thing. It's it's for you to have different paper sizes. Check it out, super easy.
SPEAKER_01:And I laminated it, yep, and cut it, and there's a beautiful bookmark for someone that is very uh low cost. One of the one of my favorite things that someone did for me, my fiance actually did it for me. Just because, not a gift, but this is this would be a perfect gift.
SPEAKER_03:He cleaned and detailed my car. It took him like five hours. I mean, paint, I mean, the car looked like it was so beautiful.
SPEAKER_01:And and he I know he did it because he's like, it's filthy, I'm not getting in it. That wasn't the spirit, quite the spirit that I'm talking about. I'd like to think he did it because he loved me. Let's let's say that. How about both? So no, but that's it. He's a type he washes his car. Why? Because I haven't washed it in a couple days. Ooh, that's a keeper right there. Oh blah. That's that's a keeper. Yeah, that's a keeper. So something like that, an act of service for someone, is really, really special. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_02:And these things last, like every time you get it. The idea of it lasts, yes, it's like, ooh, and you kind of feel like you're better than everybody else. Yeah. Like, because I'm getting in a clean car. It's like so that's a really good one. I love that. Okay, is it your turn or is it my turn? I think it's yours. I had another one, but I forgot it. Okay, so this these these two are similar. It's um uh a jar where you put in um little notes. They can be the same color, different colors. That could be really cute. Um and start with because you and fill it and fill it in. Um so it's a be it's a because you jar. And you fill it in whenever you think about it. Like start it with a base, like that will be the gift. But whenever you think about it, put it in the jar, and it could be something like because you um Always smell good. Oh, jar. Because oh, that's so good. It's so good. Because um, yeah, what would you come up with? It it has to be sizable now. Don't get like a tiny jar. You listen, we're using mason jars for this, okay?
SPEAKER_01:We're not using we're not using a little medicine bottle.
SPEAKER_02:And you fill it in. You'd be surprised because listen, times get hard out there, and you just come and you open your little jar and take out it could completely change the trajectory of the season that I am in.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh, I would love to open up something like that, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that one very much. Um, I have one more. Do you want to go? You go. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So this one is um a dream day plan.
SPEAKER_04:I love this one.
SPEAKER_03:I love this one. So you can do this individually.
SPEAKER_02:Um, like like offer sometimes when you just make space for someone to talk about what they would would want to do on a dream day and just sitting and talking about it, and then you listening and making it happen. Or you can build it together. You can build it together. One line could be, you know, it could be the where, what, who, why, whatever, the list of whys that you can fill out going this place, um, what would be a good time of year, um, and just plan a dream day or week together, together.
SPEAKER_01:That might be because listen, um that reminds me of the time that you and I spent a weekend in the city. Oh, remember that was just such a great thing. That would have been like such a nice gift. And we ended it in one Vanderbilt, yes, at one Vanderbilt that that attraction in the city, yeah. We saw uh a dance show.
SPEAKER_02:Dance, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:We went to a really nice hotel.
SPEAKER_02:Nice hotel. They went to the same place for breakfast every day.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes, it was so good.
SPEAKER_02:Did we do the museum as well? Yes, we didn't know. We just had such a nice two and a half days. They had a they had a futurism exhibit, which you know I love. And so it was the most it was amazing.
SPEAKER_01:It was a goodie, it was amazing. That's a beautiful gift, yeah. Weekend in a city of your choice or whatever, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and you can find things that are low or no cost, right? This is about the act of love. It'll may take you a little time to figure that out, but I'm sure it won't be as hard as you may be thinking that it is. Yeah, just Google free things to do in New York City, you know, around whatever, in July, 4th of July. Sure. Um, in the spring, those types of things, and pick out the two or three things that you'd want to do on the weekend, right? Um another one.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, go. You can think about someone's favorite movies, and you can spend a weekend watching those movies, even if you don't care for them.
unknown:Binge!
SPEAKER_01:Binge watch the favorite movies of your friend or your buddy or your mom, or you know, yeah, and you can supply the popcorn if you want, you can make it as corny as you like, you know, have your furry slippers on or whatever, and spend that time, you know, with with that person watching their favorite movies. I love that one. I like that.
SPEAKER_02:I know if it were you, you would make you would have three bowls of specialty popcorn, three different flavors. You would have some cocktails.
SPEAKER_01:Well, the cocktails for sure, but I'm a purist with popcorn, so I don't need to go crazy. Okay. Homemade with cocktails.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think that's a good one. All right. That's my list. Are you done?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that was my list too. But I think that gives some people food for thought. Um, it's not something that you have to run out to the mall to to accomplish or, you know, go broke. I mean, those are the spirit that's the spirit that I would love for people to hold on to and adopt. And I just reject the season because we've moved so far away from it.
SPEAKER_02:Right. So are you willing to re-embrace the season if more and more people do that and people let us know how what what the only reason why I'm not trying to be intransient.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just I don't think I'm gonna see a change in the societal embrace of this consumerism.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I mean we all have our personal and I uh I love that. It's not gonna change my living my being in the world of the stuff, you know.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I was in the award the other day. It was I think it was the day after Thanksgiving. Oh no. And don't they know? And don't they know? And the music came on, and I didn't say it to anyone in particular, but it it was an expletive. And I'm like, it's too fucking soon or something. I said, and I wasn't really speaking to anyone, but the surgeon heard me and he's like, Alright, we can change the music. You want to hear something else?
SPEAKER_04:And I'm like, Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:I I don't know. I I don't want to ruin it for other people. Yeah, it's just that this really is Christmas Christ, you know. It's right, we're celebrating something very specific and where we who said we had to open up our wallets and and go broke, and people like, I'm so stressed. I mean, this is what the conversation is. I'm so in the in the in the lounges and the I'm so stressed, I'm not ready, I'm not ready.
SPEAKER_00:I didn't finish, I still have this, and I'm like, you seem kind of nervous to me. That doesn't sound like fun. No, that obligatory, I gotta, I gotta, oh my god, I forgot somebody.
SPEAKER_04:And yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Trying to simplify my life, not make it more complicated. And I'm such a giver all year round that's true, that Macy's and Nordstrom don't have to tell me when it's time to give it. I take this with my money.
SPEAKER_02:Oh Lord. Anyway, we hope that you have a wonderful Christmas. Um however you celebrate it um safe. Absolutely. We hope it's it's filled with love. Whether you are by yourself, find find your do your do your favorite movies, get your popcorn. Um, we hope that you have an enjoyable day, whether you're alone or with you know, a hundred people.
SPEAKER_01:And people of other faiths, this is such a um a season of family. People are celebrating Hanukkah. Um many people celebrate Kwanzaa. I believe um the season of Eid is around this time as well. So um, for whatever it is that you all celebrate and whomever you worship, um, bring some love and we we pray that you have joy and um a prosperous going into the new the new year for sure. With health, health is so important.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, all the things, yeah. So happy holidays from Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, Brooklyn.
