Ep165 How Exploring Your Sexuality Transforms Every Part Of Life

Sexuality often gets boxed into the bedroom, but the truth is it shapes how we move through everything: work, parenting, friendships, faith, and our relationship with our own bodies. That expansive view sits at the heart of The Besties’ conversation with licensed clinical social worker and certified sex therapist Chanta Blue, who helps women release shame and claim pleasure as a birthright. She reminds us that sex is a small piece of a much larger puzzle called sexuality, a lifelong experience that starts with how we name our bodies and continues with how we ask for what we need. 

Chanta may be reached at: www.BlueWellnessCenter.com

IG: Blue Counseling & Wellness (@bluewellnessctrnj)

Chanta’s book: For Colored Girls Who Need A Break When Being A Super Woman Is Just Too Much

https://www.lulu.com/shop/chanta-blue/for-colored-girls-who-need-a-break-when-being-a-super-woman-is-just-too-much/paperback/product-1q2rzy7q.html?srsltid=AfmBOoq_FMQBLsYSNzbvEidCdtSwlR7o5DurK2tkkZoEwrLdWkp2wAJA&page=1&pageSize=4

Book a free coaching consultation with Angie here:

https://calendly.com/rhythmwigs/more-joy-complimentary-consultation

Want behind the scenes content, Join us on Patreon at $5 or $10 level: 

https://patreon.com/user?u=83534204

Get Angie’s eBook: 

We’re Too Old for This! The Inquisitive Older Woman’s Guide to Joy http://joystrategy.co/ebook

IG: https://www.instagram.com/blackboomerbestiesfrombrooklyn

Visit our website www.blackboomerbesties.com

Transcript

Welcome And Joy Journey

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hey and hey Les, how you doing? I'm doing great.

SPEAKER_03 0:07

And I know you're also doing jealous because I'm doing jealous because I'm kind of looking at the background, and either that is a fake screen or looking kind of tropical where you are. In fact, you're looking a little tang.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Let me tell you what Leslie's been doing.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

But let me, if you show me where you are, I'm gonna show you four feet of snow behind me. So don't do it. Every time I try to show her where I am, I show her I might be in the hospital, I might be sitting on my couch. Let me show you my camera. The street.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

The hateration is pretty, pretty bad with her. Anyway, um, thank you for introducing us, please. I know.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

It's like we we always like devolve into like chicanery before we introduce ourselves. So welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.

Naming The Topic: Sex And Mental Health

Introducing Shonté Blue

SPEAKER_00 1:02

I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free-thinking um 60-something-year-old black women, and we have um decided to live our lives with more joy and to challenge um assumptions that we've been living under for most of our lives. And um that is that is what we are hoping that you will do, that you will join us in our journey and you will either begin or continue on your joy journey. And oftentimes what that requires is to push against um our comfort. Um, and we are all at different comfort levels. Yes, we're gonna be talking about sexual health and sexuality and uh mental health in this episode. Leslie will introduce our beautiful guests in just a moment. Um, what I want to say is that this joy journey requires that we push against um some of what we have come to know as either truth or rules or um expectations, dogma, all the all the things. Um and so this is yet another episode where you may be required to um think more broadly. We promise you that it will move you along your joy journey. And um, so please stay with us. Uh Leslie, go ahead and introduce our guest, please. So uh I have Shonta Blue.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

That is her name. She's an internationally recognized licensed clinical social worker, an AA SECT certified sex therapist. She's a speaker and author dedicated to helping women reclaim their confidence, intimacy, and joy in and out of the bedroom. She's the co-founder and director of therapeutic services at Blue Counseling and Wellness Center, where she specializes in empowering clients to break free from shame and silence through therapy, coaching, and transformative experiences. Her expertise has been featured internationally, including on Netflix's sex education and in leading outlets such as uh Exxon Nicole, Bustle for Essence, Well Plus Good, and Pop Sugar. As the author of For Colored Girls Who Need a Break from being a superwoman is just too much, when being a superwoman is just too much. I love her. He champions rest, self-care, and authentic pleasure as radical acts of liberation. And I can go on and on, but I really want to bring to you Miss Shonta Blue.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Welcome. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Thank you for having me. I'm excited. It's very brave of you to come on this podcast. I I hope you know that.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

So I'm not that bad. Bring it on. I love it. I love it. We're gonna be like, what's that now?

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Could you say that again? Wait a minute. You could do what?

SPEAKER_03 4:28

So so I'd like to say that I appreciate my colleague, um, Dr. Pamela Brooke, who is a colleague and good friend of mine, who introduced us um for a number of reasons. One, I love to know and meet dynamic black women, but also you may know that um black boomer besties have featured a um podcast series on menopause. And I know that's one of the things that you champion and talk about perimenopause and our experiences. So, in addition to all of those things, I thank Pam Brought for bringing us together and tell us a little bit about yourself.

From Sex Ed To Calling

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Yes. So, like you said in my lengthy, somewhat lengthy bio, uh I'm a licensed clinical social worker and certified sex and relationship therapist. I have been doing this work for about 15 plus years, and people are like, you don't look old enough.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yes, I started at 12, yeah. Where is your mother?

unknown 5:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Um, but I've been doing this work for a very long time and I enjoy it. I started off um working with high school students, teaching them sex ed, um, and then it morphed into Blue Counseling and Wellness Center, where I really get to focus on the populations that I'm passionate about and talk about sex all day. Like what in what world? Like I'm always in like awe that I get to talk about sex, do mental health therapy, and just live my life. And I'm excited. I'm excited for all that's to come.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Yeah, and I, you know, speaking from my experience, my upbringing, um, just the word sex and um it's it's always had the shadow at best of this this just enveloping of taboo, of no, of um you have to protect yourself, we have to protect you, you know, you've got in mind how you move because you know, um people's reaction to you is your fault. All of this stuff has been wrapped into this thing of sex. And what I'm hoping that this conversation um evokes in people is how much um you this came up in your bio, how much liberation can come from exploring the ways that we've been made to feel about sex and sex beyond, as the bio also said, as Shonda's bio also said, outside of the bedroom, right? As the kind of metaphor for where sex happens. But it's so much more a part of our lives. Um, even people who are not sexually obsessed or sexually, you know, that's kind of what they think about a lot. Um there's so much more to it that you can liberate by being a part of conversations like this. So my first question to you, Shanta, is how did you come to do this work? You mentioned that you started working with high school, um, and my firstborn also is kind of um, you know, just rec has recognized they're now 30, but when they were maybe uh before before their 20s, they had this idea that wow, we really start late in teaching um young people about sex and sexual health. So how did you start with this group of people and um how did your um practice expand because of it?

Unpacking Shame And Representation

SPEAKER_02 8:16

So it is kind of a long story. I'm gonna try to be brief about it as much as I possibly can. But honestly, it I probably had uh inclination toward sexuality since my entire life. Um, I was always the little girl who loved boys, like and boys loved me. And I, you know, once I got older, my friends would ask me different sexuality-based questions. And, you know, at the time I wasn't having sex. So I'm like, why are they coming to me about this? But, you know, as I grew, started having sex, you know, there were I recognized I had so many hangups about my sexuality as a school, and I was like, where is this coming from? Why do I keep repeating certain patterns? Um, and so it wasn't really until I had a really bad breakup with a partner, um, and I had to kind of restart my life all over again. I started pole dancing, right? For fun. So there was a dance studio. There was a dance studio that I like, I fell in love with. It became my second home. Um, and the people there had so many different sexuality-based experiences. I was like, oh my God, I'm so curious about this. I want to learn more. So I started going to a lot of different events, exploring more. And it just so happened that at the time um the high school that I was working with had started this um program. It was a peer-to-peer-based program where I facilitate um sex ed classes for the high school seniors, and they in turn um do workshops for our younger students, so like freshmen, middle school, all that stuff. Um, and so going through that program, I really was like, wow, this is fun. I can literally mix sexual health and mental health. Like, why is why am I just now learning that this is ding, ding, ding, ding.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

And that's what we call our calling. When we meld the things that we're passionate about when we find facility in it and we can make a living. It's like bingo.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And I was thinking a mentor of mine at the time, she's like, Yeah, there's a whole like graduate study program for this. And I'm like, What? Nobody told me this. And it's because like there was no representation, like the only people I knew out here talking about sex was Dr. Ruth and then Sue Joe Hansen, who had like talk sex on oxygen back in the day, and I loved that show. Um, and so there were two white women who like didn't look like me, they were older, and so I had no idea I could talk about sex and do these things and get into that space and get into that.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Create that space.

Host Journeys And “Ho Season”

SPEAKER_02 11:05

Exactly, exactly, and that's literally what I had to do. So when I went back to get a second master's degree in human sexuality education, um, it it requires you to unpack a lot of your own sexual hangups. Um, and so in doing that, I realized there are a lot of black women out here living the same experience that I am, who grew up in a church in a very religious household and was taught that you know sex was not good. Their bodies were, you know, meant just for their husbands and bringing life to someone else. Right. Like it there was so much shame um and guilt around sexuality as a whole that I realized that I wasn't the only one experiencing this. Um, and in that process, I also was interested in non-traditional forms of sexuality, so kink, BDSM, consensual non-monogamy. Uh, and so I was like, black people are doing this too. And I need to find a way to support folks as they are exploring their pleasure and getting rid of respectability politics in their life and just living for themselves. And that's in a shortened version of it, how I got into this work because I was like, I need to create spaces for Black women to be able to explore this safely.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Right. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

You know, I I love that you pointed out what I hear as discord between the sexual um pleasure um that we feel from these encounters versus the obligatory our bodies belong to someone else, or they are only used for this purpose, or what have you. And if you find joy or pleasure in sexual activity, then there's something wrong with that. And then there's the whole other thing about the religiosity about it and the things that we've been ingrained, and not just from our parents, from our grandparents and generational stories that come down about who we are, what we should feel, and who we should who and how we should love.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

You know, yeah. I think I had um I've had this journey around um sexual things and sexuality and sexual thoughts and all this stuff. Um, I don't think my journey is unique, but it's almost like I opened up and saw myself and saw what I needed. And then I'm kind of like this now, like this satisfied that I know what this is and I've made my choices, and I'm like this now. Do you know what I mean? So it's not like you open and it's like, ah, and you go hog. You know, it's it's it's an awareness that happens when you um open up, you start to, you know, you start to kind of why does this feel bad? This isn't bad. You know, God created my body this way. Why am I being told that I need to shut this down or that it needs to look like this or with this type of person, whatever. And then, you know, you kind of see in my experience, and then it was like, okay, I'm happy right here. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 14:19

But it didn't call it a host season.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

It's a call it a host season. Tell us about that.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

So happiness over everything, right? We all I feel like we all have our moments where you know a light bulb goes off when we realize there's something more out there, and I want to be able to explore it with passion and vigor, right? And we do that for an extended period of time. Some people's postseason lasts for a year, others maybe last for five or six years. And then after we experience a lot of that, we're like, okay, I'm a little bit satiated. So I know what I want, I know what I need to like start to advocate for myself more, but I don't need to go to the extreme with this anymore. It doesn't just have to be about sex in particular. Sure, sure. Anything, any practice where you felt restricted in for a long period of time, and now you're out there kind of exploring, and then you come back to center and be like, okay, I've experienced this. Now I know how to navigate some of these different situations in my life.

Agency, Respectability, And Freedom

SPEAKER_03 15:29

Yeah, I love that you put it in that way, in that way, because what I always say is, you know, now that as Ange calls us, we're elders, I say that if not now, if not now, when, you know, when would I feel enough agency to be free about what it is that I want, who that I am, and when am I going to express myself authentically? You know, um, I have older friends or relatives who are still saying, uh, it doesn't look uh look good. What will people think? And this and that. And I ask, at what stage in your life will you stop thinking or caring about what other people think about you? And one of the things that I just told my partner earlier today is that people think of us a lot less than we think that they do.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

We're not the center of their university. So when I decided to go full-time in my private practice, so I did my 10 years, got fully vested in the pension system for uh, you know, at the high school because I I need coins for retirement. I decided like it came to me because I was going to all of these different events on my own for the most part, related to sexuality. So I was going to dungeons, I was going to munches, I was going to different sex parties and realizing I was the only black women, woman in the space. And if there was another black woman or black person, it was because I brought them with me. Uh, and so I'm like, where are all the black people at? I was able to find like one or two groups that were um predominantly black and brown folks, uh, but it still wasn't enough. And they were always in New York, and I don't love going into the city.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

No shame.

Building Safe Black Spaces In Kink

SPEAKER_02 17:25

But as a Jersey girl, like it's just it's a lot to have to navigate. And I'm like, sometimes I just want to be in Jersey and find people who are also kinky and into non-traditional lifestyles, right? Or alternative lifestyles. And I was like, I need to start something, right? So that first full year that I was in private practice full-time, uh, I started doing my Black girls' lunch events. Um, and so I do at first it started off as like a every other month type of thing, but then I was like, oh, that's a lot of work to do it the way I wanted to do it. Um, because I wanted it to be for black women, black professional women who kind of had a lot to lose. So discretion needed to be key. And we like the nice things. We like luxurious things, we like nice meals, getting dressed up, all that stuff. Um, and the munches that I was going to, you know, you need to explain that word, right? I'm about to ask a munch. Come on now.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Sounds a little but bit like lunch, but different.

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Yes, it's different from what the young people are calling a munch. Munch now, the kids are saying like it's a person who is like um like a simp, like a weakling in terms of relationships, right? But that's not the way it's been used historically in the kink and BDSM um kind of lifestyle. But munches are just social gatherings where people who are curious about or into these different lifestyles can come together and socialize and connect and find out about other parties and events that they might be able to get invited to and learn more about the lifestyle in general.

Therapy As A Path To Sexual Self

SPEAKER_00 19:09

So I have to tell you that um wow, I don't think I I don't think that type of thing will ever be for me. But where I had the candid conversations about my sexuality was with my therapist and um very safe space. It took some time to find the right therapist. Um, she happened to be a probably 25 years younger than me, um, black young black woman. And we totally clicked. We just totally clicked, and uh I felt like I could say anything to her about um, you know, what I was feeling, what I was not feeling, why I felt numb, um, you know, um the some of the again, the shame and and and the guilt and the um the expectations about um about myself. It wasn't really about the sex in the in the ways that most people uh talk about it, like the act of it. Um because I'd kind of for myself kind of worked on the pleasure part of it. Um but it was I think more around my sexuality and how we um kind of the expectation of how men are supposed to behave, how women are supposed to behave, and how I just didn't, I just didn't I just didn't fit in in that. That was starting to become more clear for me. And I started to scratch at that. But therapy is what got me there. And so if you could talk about to the extent that you know you you you can be open about the way that you work with people, especially people who may be older, because I know that you um also have um some specialization around menopause and perimenopause and so on. If you could talk about that a little bit, about how you help people to kind of get to the core of their sexuality um through therapy.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

And that is really the foundation of all the work that I do, right? So whether it is the in the kink and BDSM and consensual non-monogamy space, whether it's in menopause space, I really harp on the point that sex is only a small piece of the puzzle. It's our sexuality as a whole that we need to explore. Um, and sexuality, our sexuality impacts literally every aspect of our lives. It impacts our careers, it impacts our health and wellness, it impacts Our religious or spiritual beliefs, it literally connects to everything.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

Our whole lives and child rearing and all of those things.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

How we talk to our children, how we talk to our partners, how we talk to our parents, everything. And so when we can lay that foundation first and explore how sexuality has shown up in our lives and what it actually encompasses, then we can start to work on a lot of the other issues in our lives because it all comes to you know that central point. Some of the traumas you may have experienced, some of the relationship discord that you may have been dealing with, some of the, you know, work rich issues that you're having, like not be speaking up or having to advocate for yourself too much in different spaces, all of that is centered around our sexuality as a whole. So sex is really just the physical act of sex is a small piece of the puzzle. And once people can recognize that, like I think it's a lot easier to work through a lot of the other um difficulties that we're experiencing. So whether I'm doing that in a one-on-one session in therapy or doing some couples coaching or hosting an event, that's really at the core of it.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

That has been my experience. Everything because it's almost like metaphor, it's almost like how um how this may this may seem a little weird, but just go with me.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

How we already know you, Angie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Go all the way around, you'll make it back.

Sexuality Shapes Every Part Of Life

SPEAKER_00 23:42

We could we can use um race as a way of you know, when when you kind of can dissect race, it it can become a way of seeing so many other things. To me, that has been the case with sex and and sexuality. It's not necessarily that, like you said, it's just a piece of it, but it opened if if that has locked me down for so long, and I'm willing to say, oh, no, no, this doesn't sound right. This you can take that into work, you can take that into how you parent. You know, no, I don't have to parent like my like my parents did. It opens up everything, like you said, that has been my experience. Absolutely, that has been my experience. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

What I what I also think, though, is important in terms of your counseling is that people recognize the importance to hear it early. So when you talked about talking to high school seniors, my first thought was that, wow, even in senior year in high school, it's a little late to start the conversation. But you mentioned also that you have programs for freshmen, sophomore, and earlier years. So you don't want to get to 60. And I I love the fact that there's an awareness and a aha that we have now in our older age and wisdom. But I've already done so much of my parenting. You know, my son is almost 40 at this point, you know. So it's like if we can get this information in our teens and in our early 20s, when we have young children that we're raising, we don't have to bring a lot of the burdens on them that we've had ourselves that are now in our genes, you know.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

I would actually push a little and say that it can start even earlier, these conversations around sexuality, right? Yes. Like soon as your baby can understand yes and no, you can start talking about sexuality with them. There's age-appropriate conversations, right? For sure. Consent and bodily autonomy can be taught at two and three years old, right? Sure. And it can continue, and you can start talking about healthy relationships, and you can talk start act talking about advocating for yourself when they are in first and second grade, right? If they don't feel right, if people are telling them to hold secrets and they don't feel comfortable holding secrets, these are age-appropriate sexuality conversations that I don't know if a lot of people think about. And there's so many great resources out there. Like I have a lot of colleagues who've written books and um um do workshops for parents on how to do all of these things. Um, but it's it's a conversation because our sexuality literally starts from the day we're conceived and ends at the day that we die with that we leave this earth. Yes, and so it's appropriate to have conversations about it throughout the entire lifespan.

Start Early: Consent And Language

SPEAKER_00 26:44

So it sounds like we we as a sci society, you've you've just said that the kind of sexual um uh part of it, and I know we're we're using sex in in in different forms here, but the bedroom stuff is such a small part of it, yet we make it the big we make it the big thing. How can we have a sexually appropriate conversation with it? Because it's not the bedroom stuff that we're doing.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

No, we're not exactly, exactly. You know, and it it starts with anatomy. You know, I used to tell my mom, stop saying he has a wee wee. If you call it a penis, it's a part of anatomy, so that in middle school, when you hear the word penis or vagina, you don't go crazy and oh my god, because you've been hearing it all your life. It's like saying shoulder. You know, but when you put these kind of, you know, taboo, we do this, we've created this, so we need to uncreate it. The other thing that I think is so, so important and can go in so many different directions, more directions than we'll go here, is you talked about the non-binary issue of gender and fluidity, how when people, you know, look at it as male energy, female energy, it keeps us stuck in so many different ways, such that if we recognize that it is on a continuum and people may have more or less of these types of energies at different times in their lives. So you don't need to, it's not unusual to not want to lock yourself into one um one gender or only female energy if you've been um named a girl as you when you were born. You know, those types of conversations, the more we discuss it and normalize it, the less icky and weird it would be.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

You know, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

I 100% agree. And I recognize that a lot of the kind of disconnection that's happening is because of gender role expectations that our society has developed, not necessarily the energy that we have um kind of felt and are able to express in our lives, right? That comes naturally whether we're ebbing and flowing between the masculine and the feminine. That's natural, right? It's the expectations of behavior and you know how we're supposed to express ourselves that is the problem, and that's a societal construct.

Gender Roles, Fluidity, And Authenticity

SPEAKER_03 29:27

And that's where discord comes from. Exactly. But what I've learned is that people don't stop behaviors necessarily that gives them pleasure or joy or um agency, they just take it underground, and then that's where you know deception comes from and untruthfulness and all of these things, it inauthenticity comes from when you're unable to express who you really are. And that comes from the people pretend, right? Yeah, in the closet, you know, how many people's lives are ruined because they can't live out expressively who they feel they are, you know?

SPEAKER_02 30:11

Because somewhere along the way, someone has, you know, told them either directly or indirectly that that behavior is bad or that behavior is not becoming of somebody who is X, Y, and Z kind of thing, right? And we say that in the jokes that we make when we're sitting around the kitchen table. We say that in the shows that we watch and the commentary we might have when that's you know, when it's happening. We show that, you know, sometimes in the silence, right? If there is no support around the people who are behaving in certain ways, then that's a message to us. We like, okay, I don't I don't want to be isolated in that way, I don't want to be silenced in that way. So I'm going to do check all the boxes that I'm supposed to check.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Sure, sure, whether it feels right or not. And then, you know, the respectability politics, like you mentioned earlier, Shanta, that um, you know, we have so much pressure on our shoulders to represent our people or who we are or who people perceive us to be, etc., you know.

Joy, Choice, And Life Expansion

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Um and to be models, you know, to be these model citizens uh in in order to fit into the the the the power structure that that is, all of that stuff. And that's why I think conversations around um sex and and sexuality allows us to look at things like that more critically, right? When you kind of can this this area of your life that has all of this pressure um where you can create almost like a release valve for you, it does become something that, oh, I feel pressure over here too. And I have the, you know, I'm empowered to to create an alternative for myself over here also. That's um that's that's some powerful stuff. And I think that um as we keep saying on our podcast here, that um if not now, when, you know, when are you going to you you it's not denying this thing that you feel about how you should create a shift. I I I mentioned, I think a couple episodes ago that um I remember on the intake form that I used um with my therapist, and I'd been seeing her for um um for a few years. So at the intake um stage, you know, there were some questions about what what do you want out of this therapy? And um what I'd come to kind of uh put my feelings into was this the statement that said, um, who am I? I want to be her. You know, that's what I wrote on the forum. She reminded me of this um sometime last year. And that was actually that thing, that that that thing that I wanted to address. Do you know what I mean? So I think that many people have that thing that they want to address, that what we're saying here, the three of us, is when are you going to address that thing or those things?

SPEAKER_03 33:33

Your authentic self, who you are, meet the person that you are.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

To meet the person, like the person is there, and I know that you know it. I know that you know that you may not know who that person is, but when you align with um with that energy, let's say, you will know it. And it will joy coming up. I just you you know what I mean. It's like a burden has been has been lifted, and it is um, I think the most transformative aspect of this season of my life is to have um gone deeper into that question and to get the answers. And um you you may be surprised at what who you are. You know, which which is absolutely what happened with me. It was just this um, you know what I mean. It's like I there's things that I I I wanted to be with someone who was who could be completely vulnerable with me, who um where communication wasn't a struggle, you know, that I where this idea of you're supposed to be this where it's supposed to be that way, or men aren't supposed to be like this, or women aren't supposed to be like this, or you know, I just I just did not did not want that at all. And that for me led to uh a relationship that I've never had this level of connection with a partner before. Um and you know, it's like you guys probably know um I'm still abroad, I'm in um Panama. Um that opened up the okay, I don't maybe I don't have to live here. Um, you know, maybe I can go and explore another part of the world. That's the kind of stuff that I'm talking about that it opens up. Maybe my partner doesn't have to be a man, maybe it can be a woman. And you know, to get all these things, it doesn't have to be, you don't have to work in the pool that you've always been in. You can expand and go into other lakes and rivers and streams. And that's that's how I'm living out my joy. And it's it's just this girl.

Integrating Mind, Body, And Nutrition

SPEAKER_02 36:04

I love it. I love when black men have the audacity to live their life the way they want to live.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Yes, yes, yeah. It's it's you know what we're talking about. I want to bring it back to um Blue Counseling and Wellness Center because in addition to these services, you also provide nutritional service, uh, services and counseling. And what I know as a physic being a physician is that nothing's right until our mental health aligns with our physical health and our spiritual health. So when all three of those things align, I love the fact that you're bringing in that type of physical health into it because when we're sick in our bodies, even if our minds are well, it's become it creates more of a burden. And I know so many of us have just either poor nutrition, poor physical health from our diets and lack of exercise and movements and things like that. And I understand as a physician, uh, not as a personal practitioner per se, but I know what I should be doing. We all know what we should be doing. Don't look at me, but I can tell you. You know, so I love that you bring that just comprehensive care into it because it all makes a difference.

unknown 37:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

I think that that's Shanta's message, though. It's like all of these things fit together. You and and you can have great health. And because your your sexual health is is is not where it should be, then then you're off. Do you know what I mean? So it's it's all the pieces um that you bring together. I think that's amazing. And you're doing it for as uh um in a representative way so that we don't feel like, oh, we can't say that and still be in these kind of we have to act a certain way in front of people who are different type of thing.

Blue Counseling’s Holistic Vision

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Wow. And so yeah, that was that was really the goal when we opened up Blue Counseling and Wellness Center. So it's a mental health and nutrition services private practice. At, you know, at this point, I co-founded it with my sister, who is a registered dietitian nutritionist. Um, and so she focuses on the nutrition aspects and the physical wellness, and I do all the mental health aspects of it. Um, and we collaborate a lot with clients because sometimes I'll have a client who is dealing with some body image, body weight concerns, and I'll refer them to her, or she'll have a client who came in for like eating disorders or like some level of weight management, chronic health issues, and she'll refer them to me because there's some like emotional regulation that is that's lacking essentially, that's keeping them on this journey, right? So we collaborate a lot, and the goal is to provide integrative care for black and brown families. Um, we, when we were growing up, like uh we had a lot of family members who had chronic health issues, whether it was mental health or physical chronic health, um, that could have been prevented if the systems around them were taking into play while they were receiving care from their doctors, right? Like we accompanied them to um doctor's appointments and we were asked questions of their doctor, and it didn't always seem right. Like they there was a gap missing, there was some education that was missing, um, there was some recognition of all these other elements that was missing. And so we wanted to provide a space that could potentially do that for our community. And the goal is to grow into a larger center where we can have um a plethora of other practitioners all related to holistic care. So we can get an acupuncture, we can get um some type of Reiki uh practitioner to come in to deal with spiritual health, like get all of the components of wellness under one roof. That's the eventual goal of Blue Cow Wellness Center.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Listen, I gotta tell you, as an elder, I don't know if I love that word for y'all. Listen, you gotta embrace it. You gotta embrace it because that's a part of it. Like there's something wrong with the, you know, like I'm all the way gray now. I used to color my hair, all the things. So I have to tell you that when I see a young person like you doing this work, so committed to this work, it gives me such a deep sense of contentment. It's almost like with all of this stuff going on in the world and in our country and so on, you and the work that you're doing becomes this um this this place of wow, the young folks, they they're they're doing they're doing things right. They're doing um they're they're caring about what needs to be cared about. And I think that's really what's gonna save us. I I I really do. I don't want to put all this heaviness on you, but I want to um recognize and let you know and elevate the work that you're doing, the work that you're called to do, that it has that level of importance to the world, to our community. It absolutely does. Yeah, and so it makes me feel like I'm like, oh, I'm just feeling so good. You and your sister, I think it's such a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_03 41:59

It is, it really is. I really appreciate that. We have sisters also that we're close to, so yeah, yeah, everything. So you're located in Montclair, New Jersey. Yeah, but do you also offer online services?

Access, Coaching, And How To Connect

SPEAKER_02 42:16

So we provide virtual services. Um, so mental health is a little tricky right now because you have to be physically within the state of New Jersey to receive mental health services. Um, that we also offer coaching in our practice as well. So for folks who already have a mental health therapist, um, they can utilize our coaching services. And I usually will work in tandem with their therapist. Um I try to get a release so I can talk to them and so we're we can be aligned on the work. Um, but the coaching is not mental health therapy. The coaching is really like action focused, and we're looking for a particular goal, not working on a mental health.

SPEAKER_03 43:00

I understand. Got it.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

So Shanta can be reached at blue wellnesscenter.com, B L U E Wellness W E L L N E S S C E N T E R dot com.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

And we'll add all the links to our um podcasts and all. And um wow, this was wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

So nice to meet you in person.

SPEAKER_02 43:26

I've met you on paper for yes. I love it, I love it. Thank you, ladies, so much. You're doing amazing work, much needed work, and I'm happy to support in however way I can. Oh beautiful, beautiful. Thank you.

Gratitude And Close

SPEAKER_03 43:43

So, this has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, Brooklyn.