Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn

Ep166 Getting Older and Loving It!

• Angella Fraser & Leslie Osei-Tutu • Season 17 • Episode 4

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0:00 | 18:37

Think aging steals happiness? Think again. As Leslie celebrates her 64th birthday.

 As The Besties celebrate Leslie’s 64th birthday in Costa Rica, they share stories that are both tender and hilarious, including the moment the mic literally dropped from the makeshift inverted trash can setup and the reasons they’re done with perfectionism for good.

The heart of this episode is love: how limited time makes us braver, softer, and more precise about what we want. We’re choosing depth over drama, laughter over performance, and presence over panic. Whether you’re 26 or 76, you’ll find practical wisdom here. 

If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs a lift, and leave us a review so more listeners can find their way to intentional joy.

Hidden Brain episode referenced

The Best Years of Your LifeHidden Brainhttps://www.hiddenbrain.org › podcast › the-best-years-...

Book a free coaching consultation with Angie here:

https://calendly.com/rhythmwigs/more-joy-complimentary-consultation

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We’re Too Old for This! The Inquisitive Older Woman’s Guide to Joy http://joystrategy.co/ebook

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey Ange. Hey Les. I gotta picture you because you're here. Listen. Y'all ain't gonna believe this. You won't believe it. You're not seeing double. You're not seeing double.

SPEAKER_01:

It's just it's just us. But we're together, and we're together in Costa Rica.

SPEAKER_00:

We left the country. She left first, and I had to follow because I missed her. PP Cluck Cluck. So, welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm Angela, as you know. That's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free thinking 60-something-year-old black women. And one of us is even more 60-something because her birthday is manana. And we are just living out our lives as joyfully as possible. This is intentional joy. And I want to invite you to do the same. Either start your journey or continue on your journey, but let joy lead you. One of the things that I talk about a lot is how aging is something to embrace, not to run from, not to hold on to, younger is better, and leaning into the beautiful aspects of aging. So with my girl turning how old 64. 64.

SPEAKER_00:

In what, five hours? She always I thought that you said it wasn't that bad. Now you're like, bam, and like, like what? I just want to get the shovel out and start. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm so sorry. All right. Woo! So happy for you, Les. Even though you got there before me, I'm not jealous. Um, she's so much, so many months ahead of me in this aging thing. But um, anyway, we're silly because we're together. It was um just a real quick because my partner and I have been traveling for about a month, and Leslie and her partner decided to come and meet us here in Costa Rica for a few days, and I get to hang out with her for her birthday. So I was asking Leslie, what are some of the positive things about aging, about being at this part of our journey 64 for you? And we wanted to discuss some of those things with you today. So, Les, I heard on Hidden Brain, which is one of my um most favorite podcasts, it's all about everything having to do with the brain, the physical aspects of the brain, the um kind of intangibles of the brain. They talk about psychology and all things related to brain memory, all things. And this was probably a year or two ago, and we will put a link to it.

SPEAKER_00:

We dropped the mic. And that was a microphone.

SPEAKER_01:

We're gonna keep that. That was literally a microphone. We're gonna put a picture of what we of the way that we had to set up for this this recording. Um, we're gonna put a picture of it. You will crack up. I promise you'll crack up. All right, we're gonna let it go. I got this. Okay, you got this. You had it before, so what happened? You hid it just now. Oh, did I? Yeah, was it me?

SPEAKER_00:

You see, I don't think it's a friendship. I don't think it was we all are gonna see it. Let's do a fight. It's gonna be like, did you see what it's gonna do? They start thinking at each other, and all of a sudden Leslie punched her. Nobody and look like nobody pushed, but oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01:

No, never. We even had an argument. Never anyone trying to anyway. Um, on an episode of Hidden Brain, they talked about the they did a study on aging, and some of the ideas that we have about aging, for example, as you age, because there's less time that you have to live, um, older people become more depressed, and you know, those types of things. And there was a study that revealed that it's absolutely the opposite. That because of things like not having as much time, more time spent than what you have left, that time becomes more precious to us, and those friendships become yeah, deeper and stronger and intuitive. So, would you agree with that in your experience? Would you say that you have a more positive outlook on life now?

SPEAKER_00:

So it's interesting that so much older you it's no, but Ange, it's really interesting that you put it in that way because as we get older, it's not that our problems are left behind. So we still have family issues, we still may have physical ailments or weakening or things like that, but our mental perspective changes. I know mine has. Absolutely. So when I say, Oh, you know, like look at this season of illness that my son is going through. But I've lived long enough to know that it could only be a season and he will heal, this will go behind him, and and our life would move on. You know? Yeah. Just like I was speaking to um a friend of mine. Another friend.

SPEAKER_01:

Does she have another friend?

SPEAKER_00:

That is good. Okay. But, you know, she was talking to me about um marital issues that she was going through. And I really tried to tell her that let's put it in perspective. And I told reminded her, I said, you know, I was in a previous marriage and it had its ups and downs, but in the big scheme of things, it's not such a big deal. Yeah. So one thing I appreciate about getting older that I've noticed over the years is that things are just not so emergent, yeah, like they they used to. It's a little more tempered. And while it's acute in the beginning, I could say, you know, like, you know what? Yeah, just wait. Just wait. In other words, in other words, be a little more patient.

SPEAKER_01:

We have lived enough. It's the end of the world scenarios to know that it's not the end of the world.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, the sky is falling, so it doesn't happen anymore.

SPEAKER_01:

No. For sure. No. It'll feel like it for a minute. We get we get to the other side real quick because it's like perspective. And that's one of the things that only in older age, I think, do you truly have that level of perspective. You may, as in in the in younger years, you may feel that, but when you get older, you know that it's a knowing versus the belief or whatever. It's that experience that teaches you.

SPEAKER_00:

But and I'll tell you something interesting about this conversation I had with her, also, is that I really still had to show empathy because her she, being about 20 years, perhaps younger, that more than that, actually, younger than I am. I really had to show her that I understand that it's painful and difficult for her. I just tried to tell her that in the big scheme of life things, this might not even be something that she remembers. Exactly. You know, exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

It's just kind of one of. And a kind of in addition to that, it's this idea around, um we say it here all the time, you can do hard things. Knowing that, it's not that hard things don't happen, it's that knowing that when they happen, you can you can take it. You've survived hard things. It's like another, here's another one. And you still have to gear up, and it's still hard, hard as hard. But you also go into it with it's almost like you have um warrior, warrior coating.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey. Oh, yes, yes, hey, you got this sword. Say it the women usually say it. Let's I'm not gonna say it because they laugh at me when I say sword. Sword. If you have my sword, if she might shield it. Right breast is my sword. Left breast is my shield.

SPEAKER_01:

But this is a breast for me. It is your breast. Okay, so listen. Let's see, I'm the older one here. What else is a positive thing about aging? Can you think of it?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know, I I gotta, and and this is something that we've said throughout our podcast, and and and this is pretty serious in that the performance aspects of our lives are over. Like we're not trying to be showy, we're not tr trying to present ourselves in ways that we are not. Right. We ain't got we don't care what people think about us. I know I don't anymore. You know, it's that type of angst or you what they call respectability politics, right? I don't feel that anymore. I don't feel the need to present myself in a way, anyway, other than I am. And I don't really care what other people think about me.

SPEAKER_01:

So that means that when you got some pushback um about buying a convertible and that it was because that it was because you were you wanted to be showy. I want to show off. Yeah, and what is the real reason why you bought it?

SPEAKER_00:

Because I wanted a wanted go unconventional. I have always wanted one, and you get to have the money to buy, and guess what?

SPEAKER_01:

You can have two of them. Has nothing to do with it. What are you talking about?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01:

Imagine, imagine. Maybe I'm gonna buy a third one now. Listen, this is something I wanted to say, right? Because this isn't about um, it is, but it isn't about younger, older, because we know that there are people who are our age and older who haven't really allowed themselves to get to say this is that type of what will people think exactly. But here, we're here we're here to represent the 60 somethings who have shared these things. And you can too. You can too, you can absolutely do that also. Listen, anything else? Because we gotta go eat. No, but no, wait, there's plenty more than I appreciate. Okay, Tommy. But no, really. The stomach might start growling, but we are gonna add some pictures of um our fun times in Costa Rica. So that'll be after you hear me say you'll see some photos of us um having a great time here.

SPEAKER_00:

What else? So we don't want to talk about all this wisdom that I've accumulated over the six days. That'll be a minute. No, no, no. In the minute, in the 30 seconds left, tell all you have about me. Listen, this is my birthday content. Listen, I feel thank you. I feel you're so sweet to me. I love you.

SPEAKER_01:

You're so good to me.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, Leslie, tell me.

SPEAKER_00:

A lot of people are gonna write in and they're gonna say, don't be mean to her. Okay, I'm so small and I used to.

SPEAKER_01:

So, yeah, let's talk about wisdom. And what is wisdom to you? Like, how would you define it?

SPEAKER_00:

Wisdom for me is the thing that I know for sure without equivocation. And I'm not gonna pretend that I know all things and what have you, but there are some things that I know that you would say that you know that you know. Some things I know for sure. Yeah. And I know how I feel, I know how things feel and and work in my body. And I also know what my compass, right-wrong, ethical compass is, and things like that.

SPEAKER_01:

And we know what we don't know. That's another part of wisdom. Is being is being authentic and um self-aware. That is another part of wisdom. And so we know what we don't know, and we know that um there there are experiences that we haven't had, and we are um we're learners. You know what I mean? I think that's a part of wisdom, is is admitting that there are things that we don't know, and sometimes we have to listen more than we are speaking, so we can learn things.

SPEAKER_00:

So you know, and I think you're bringing up a really good point because I know that some people think that when you get to a certain age, that your learning life is over. Yeah, you know, I don't have any more to learn, I know more than you know. But I think that if we keep our minds open to experiencing new things and learning new things, but yet incorporating them into experiences and knowledge that we already have, I think that's the way that we continue to grow. Yep, absolutely. I think the other thing that getting older reminds me to do is be comfortable and coexist with other generations, other people not our age. Because it's I know, don't pinch me. Don't pinch me. You want to say she punches me when she makes a point. She's like, and it's like and you're hurting me. But listen, but here's the important thing because I know that there are people older than us, elders, my grandparents, and things like that. One thing about my grandparents and my great-grandmother, we lived in an intergenerational home. So there was always interaction between the grands, the great-grands, and the elders.

SPEAKER_01:

Five generations.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, in one household. But what happens these days is people are so separate that the elders now, the people, the octogenarians and nonogenarians and stuff, sometimes when they lose their friends, they're from their peer group, they experience so much loneliness because they haven't befriended people over generations, like their children, or their children's friends and things like that. So they become a lot more isolated. And me, I'm always gonna hang out with the young people. Always. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because you're bossy and you like to tell them.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, like to come out there. And I was just at my granddaughter's ninth birthday party last Saturday. So, um, you know. Shout out to Aiden! Yes. So I think that's one thing that I um that's another thing that came comes with age and wisdom is the appreciation for intermingling with people, different people my age. I'm learning new conversations, new slang, new music.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna say one word, and this is gonna be the word that we wrap on.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

With our growing older comes audacity. The audacity to try new things, the audacity to love differently, the audacity to start a podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm almost pinching you over that.

SPEAKER_01:

You're pinching me? Don't pinch me. Almost. The audacity to start a podcast and to show up in all these ways on our podcast, because it's our party.

SPEAKER_00:

It is. And we get to do what we're doing. And we get to do. But one thing that I was thinking, and I'm not rapping, I know you're hungry, I'm hungry, but we're gonna go. But here's the thing: both of us, you mentioned this earlier. We're both here with our partners, right? Our loves. And mine is sitting there.

SPEAKER_01:

Mine is sitting there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yours is sitting there. And I'm finding the older I get, the more fully I am loving and giving up myself. Yeah. Because I think that, and this is gonna make me emotional thinking about it, but let's just say if I only have 10 more years, let's say, I want those 10 years to be like no bullshit, full of love. I want to open my heart fully, I want to be vulnerable, I want to feel safe. You know, it's like because I'm we're running out of time in that regard. I would love to spend 50 years in this loving, um, um, reciprocal relationship. But if I only have 10, I want it to be meaningful. Absolutely. You know? Absolutely. I want to really put in all of the things that I've learned over the years and the mistakes that I've made and learned from these things to present myself as a a new, you know, lovable old lady.

SPEAKER_01:

She's already cried once today. Oh my god. It's just the emotions are like right here. She's not a crier, but ooh, I was like, ooh, Lord.

SPEAKER_00:

I know. You made me cry from the conversation that we were having. And I was just appreciating life. So good crying. All right. So was that a good that was great.

SPEAKER_01:

That was great. You did really for an old lady. Listen, I okay, you see, I hang out with elders and intergenerational friendship. Intergenerational friendship. Exactamente. Um, all right. Thank you for being with us.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's call it a rap, Lou. We will call it a rap. And this has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties. Besties from Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_01:

Brooklyn

Contributor

Angella Fraser

Co-host
Contributor

Leslie Osei-Tutu

Co-host