Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
This is what the world needs now: two free-thinking “seasoned” Black women speaking their truth and inspiring others to do the same. Shaped by 45 years of friendship that began at the prestigious Brooklyn Technical High School through the Ivy League, medical school, marriages, divorces, triumphs, parenting queer children, life-threatening illness and many many amazing adventures. Each week, besties Leslie Osei-Tutu and Angella Fraser will push against boundaries in love, culture, careers, faith, politics and out-dated assumptions about women of a certain age. Remember, you’re never too old to change your mind…or your hair! (but more on that later :-)All views are our own and do not reflect the views of our institution/company. Information provided is not intended to serve as medical advice.
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Ep167 Shedding white supremacist ideals before our move abroad
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A recent YouTube video from Stephanie Perry, co-founder of ExodUS Summit, demands that Black people desiring to move abroad, wait until extraction, supremacy, American exceptionalism, and Black excellence (defined here as exalting extraordinary effort and status as the most desirable traits that Black people can have) before going.
The Besties question their readiness, as usual with deep reflection and humor.
Listen, reflect, and share your take: what belief would you leave at the gate? Subscribe, rate, and leave a review to help more listeners find the show.
Some Black people moving abroad are agents of white supremacy. Are you? | Next Black Migration
https://www.youtube.com/live/V9ngUVzEIgo?si=V51daPA7LR4EkWol
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Cold Open & Joy Mindset
SPEAKER_00Hey Ange. Hey Les, how you doing?
SPEAKER_02I got a cold. Yeah, you didn't. But it's okay. Listen, I was talking to someone earlier today, and they were saying, Man, that's terrible that you have such a cold and whatever. And I said, Look, I don't have meningitis. I don't have back problems today. Yeah. You know, like I don't have dementia yet. Yeah, yeah. I don't have, you know what? So I said, not only is it not so bad, I'm happy to have a cold.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, because you know.
SPEAKER_00And you didn't have it when we were on our little trip. So that's a good thing. That's right. I'm the only one of the four of us who did not get sick. You know why? Because I was sick twice before we went. That's why. Okay. So my uh my immune system was, you know, was geared up. It was like, I'm ready. Say Faye. Just say the way. Just say the word.
SPEAKER_02Just say the word. But yeah, I um I walked around at work today with um two pieces of cotton in each nostril looking like a walrus. She really was. I did. And I kept the mask on in front of patients, but then like I just had to breathe. I took it off, and people were like, what the hell?
SPEAKER_01I'm like, well.
SPEAKER_00By any means necessary. I'm not mad at you.
Meet The Besties And Our Mission
SPEAKER_01Yes, I got tired of blowing my nose. But anyway, so here I am. Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.
Stephanie Perry’s Provocation
SPEAKER_00Hey guys, I'm Angela. That's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two 60-something, um, free-thinking, joy-loving, joy-embracing, joy-seeking black women. And we have decided to live that way. We have decided to intentionally bring more joy into our lives. And we are hoping that you're with us because it's something that's really interesting to you, or you're on your journey too, or you would like to get on board with us. Um, I so you guys know drinking tea while we're talking. We are big fans of uh Stephanie Perry, and um very I'm very active in the Exodus Summit community, uh, a big supporter of that community. It's a community of um 26,000 plus black women and their families who are either in the process, uh, who are either considering and in the process of or have moved abroad, bopping around the world. Um, and I, you know that I'm doing that. Leslie is kind of living vicariously through me. I am. Um she travels, obviously, um, and she is going to be moving abroad. Um, but I'm like in it, and so we're in it. And just a reminder, um, Stephanie graciously asked us to take over her channel and do a live um back in October of last year, October 18th. So if you want to check us out over there and hear our story, I I think we covered how we came to be in this podcast um in its entirety on that episode. So, anyway, we we listened to Stephanie Perry and what she puts out into the world. So her latest, um, I don't even know if her latest, because she produces a lot, but one of her more recent episodes is entitled Some Black People Moving Abroad Are Agents of White Supremacy. Are you listening? I started listening to it in Panama, I finished listening to it in Costa Rica, I'm like Leslie. You gotta, you gotta hear this, you gotta listen to this. Oh my gosh. She went in.
SPEAKER_02She went in. She went in. She went in. And then she reminded the listeners this is my podcast, this is my YouTube channel.
SPEAKER_03It's my thing. I can say what I want to. These are my opinions. And we agree.
Reflection Over Hair, Anger, And Agency
SPEAKER_00We agree that she gets to do what she pleases and she gets to speak to black women. That is who her audience is, that's who she speaks to. So we encourage you to catch it, to watch it, to learn from it, to click like and subscribe. Hmm. So there is you guys know that Leslie cracks me up. She's one of the funniest people that I know. Even when she's not trying, she cracks me up. So we're now talking about the the the episode, right? And um so I say to you. I say to Les, um, you know, the part that really struck me is um when Stephanie mentioned um that one of the things that made her go natural with with her hair is because she saw something with Reverend Al Sharpton getting his hair, um, his perm done, and it really infuriated infuriated her. It really made her angry. And this is what she did. She was like, Why did that why did I have that reaction? Why she she looked inward, and that really struck me, right? Because her looking inward and asking the questions, and she realized that at the time she was perming her hair all the time, and she challenged why she was doing that, and since kind of landing on not really a good reason why she was perming her hair, she started going natural from that point. And I was like, Les, you know, that was the most, even with all of the topics that Stephanie talked about in that episode, that's the one that struck me the most because it was like that's the kind of um reflection that creates pivots. And when you keep doing that throughout your life, that's where you you you start moving into your most authentic version of yourself. Because, you know, she didn't stay in this kind of I'm angry at Al Sharpton or he's whatever because he's doing this to his hair. She went in. So I said this to my Les, and you know, it's it's real profound, and I'm doing the thing. And what did you say to me, Les? What did you say to me?
SPEAKER_02I think that you need to let the people know what the premise, what Stephanie's premise of her talk was, because Okay, so let me do that.
SPEAKER_00So as the title suggests, um, she was challenging different points of view, different attitudes that um people who move abroad, black people who move abroad, that they are not ready to move abroad if they're taking with them these attitudes, right? So, for example, um capitalism and wanting to go and buy up land and just basically take advantage of their new country instead of learning it, learning the culture, those types of things. She talked about leaving behind black excellence, this idea that only certain types of black people are worthy and having that attitude. She's like, Don't don't leave it. You're not ready. You're not ready, don't come here. Don't worry. But she's traveled, she's traveled over 10 years now, I think 13 years. She's lived outside the United States and been on six continents, six of the seven continents. So it was a list like that. Let me see if there was another one. Um, another one, and we'd talk about it, you know. Yeah, there were there were a couple more. So basically, she listed out like five, seven things that if you feel this way, don't come.
SPEAKER_04Stay in the ready.
SPEAKER_00You ain't ready. You ain't ready. She didn't say don't ever come. She's like, work on yourself and and come over here, right? A quick thing, like we we were when we're in Costa Rica, we were sitting down in the pool. I think this is before you came, Les. And there was a bird that was just living its bird life. It was just living its bird life. It was really had a lot of different sounds that it made. It was it was loud, right? And this person, um, non non-melanated person, as people say, was commenting that the bird was really noisy.
SPEAKER_02In Costa Rica. In Costa Rica.
Loud Vs Noisy: Ditching Judgment
SPEAKER_00The bird was noisy. Okay. And so, you know, I you know me, guys. I'm gonna, I'm gonna think deeply. So I'm like, mmm. Noisy is a real um uh judgment. Judgment, right? I said the bird was loud. It's a fact. The bird was loud. Noisy to me is judgment. Loud is just a statement of fact. And I actually love the sounds it was making because it was showing off, it was doing all the things. So it's kind of that this attitude that we bring about how other places should be and how we need to let those things go. American exceptionalism was another of the topics. Like, you know, no, we are exceptional with some things and a lot under, you know, in terms of how we execute on um uh um care for our citizens and things like that. So, anyway, that is the premise. Is that good enough?
SPEAKER_02Yes, so so so so this is what the episode is all why you were you you you thought it was so profound. And I got all deep and you're like, Les, so what did you think of it? And I'm like, I ain't coming. I ain't coming. I ain't ready.
SPEAKER_01I said, Stephanie Perry suggested five things that you might want to wait before you move abroad.
SPEAKER_02And I checked off six of them. I'm like, I'm going there with my black excellence. I am going there with my land for profit mentality. I'm buying up the land, and it's like what's wrong with these people? Why is the internet so spotty? Oh my goodness. I ain't ready. You're not ready, Les.
SPEAKER_00You're not, you're not. You can't do it, and I'm not letting you into Panama. I tell you, I remember.
SPEAKER_02I remember I was in Ghana. And there at the time, I believe they were selling electricity to neighboring either region or country, but I was in Accra. Yeah, and my in-law told me in a couple of hours we are not going to have any power. Every Wednesday evening at six, they turn off the power. Right. And it comes back on in the morning because they sell electricity or whatever.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_03And I'm like, what kind of time? Fool, that's okay. He just said it matter-of factually, and I'm like, but what about my cell phone and my face and my and my blue dryer and my nut ready?
SPEAKER_02You know I'm true. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00I know, but not but not so much.
“I Ain’t Ready”: Self-Inventory
SPEAKER_02But it really, I I tell you, in all honesty, listening to some of the um things that Stephanie said, it really gave me some thoughts and some pause because obviously I can't consider everything, but remember, we get wet by the water we swim in, right? Yes. So if I go in there with a certain expectation or of of what is normal, yeah, and then that's not there, I do often have to, you know, shed some of what I would call creature comforts or the expectation of those things.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_02And um a lot of what I thought about was what ideas am I really bringing um to Panama when I relocate there? You know, I've been there, you know, for two weeks at a time. And anything, you know, we can do anything for a short period of time, you know, if we know that we're returning back to um our place of comfort or um familiarity. But I realize I really am gonna need to shed some of my ideas, yeah, you know, and expectations, right, right, and and and the judgments that are inherent in me, you know.
Shedding Comforts And Expectations
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I think some of what is preparing me uh is the fact that I'm from Jamaica, I um I see how um people move in a country that doesn't have all the bells and whistles that we're used to here, and but I've lived in America for a long time, right? So I'm used to those things, but I haven't fully kind of embraced the attitude of how can you live without these things, right? Because whenever I visit Jamaica, you might have to do without, right? And and also um growing up in a household that was a Jamaican household, there's certain ways that I, you know, I don't naturally think when something breaks, oh, I gotta go get another one. I just am not wired that way. I think, oh, can I fix it? Um, is there another way to get the same utility doing something else? I don't automatically think replacement because that's just not the framing that I grew up either in my home country or through my parents. Um and so those types of things, or um, if everything isn't pristine and in place, then it's not good enough, right? I just don't have those, that kind of wiring. And so those types of things help me, but I'm not immune from the things that have become um creature comforts in um the United States, right? Yeah. Um now I have to also say that um one of the things that um that I'm really trying to get used to, and I noticed it on on my um on my trip, was that there is going to be like a a a time of of of shedding these these layers that we have, one in particular is around how I move as a black person in America and how I move as a black person in Panama. It's very different, right? It's very different. Quick quick story. Um so some friends came to visit um from the from the US and um I took them to this really high-end apartment building that um my partner and I are looking at um living in when we're there. Um there was I wasn't there with a realtor. There was um I don't know that there's this is the way my what my experience uh has has told me. Okay. Um going in this situation in the US, I don't even think I would even have tried to go to the receptionist and say, hey, I've been here a few times. Um we just want to go and look at the social areas and um so my friends can take a look at it.
SPEAKER_02Um and you wouldn't have even tried.
SPEAKER_00I don't think I would have even tried. Yeah, because um I don't think that I would have been allowed to. I wasn't there with the realtor.
SPEAKER_04I you know, yeah.
Race, Access, And Moving Freely In Panama
SPEAKER_00And in fact, I felt like I could at least try there. And indeed, she said yes. And me and my black self and me and the and the three other people who were with me, we went and and went to the social areas. We didn't even feel like you know, we had to hurry up and come back or anything like that. We sat around because we were talking about the different apartments that we were considering and things like that, and took our took our time. And I was telling my sister about that today as an example of um just this this shift that of expectation. Yeah, yeah, and not, you know, you go into, we went into a lot of um, we went to the mall a few times, and one of them is really high end, and we went into a lot of jewelry stores, and um many of them had guards at the door. Nobody thought twice about us going into allowing us in, you know, moving around. We weren't followed, we weren't, you know what I mean? It was there was there was not an expectation that we did not belong there. And um, that's very different than my experience here.
SPEAKER_02This is what I am looking for. I want to be able to move around the world without so much of the burden that has been on me being in America, a black American in the US.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I don't know what that feels like, but I want it and I long for it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I am ready to get rid of some of the other things that come with it. You know, I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_00Right. Right. Yeah, it's um one of the things that Stephanie talked about was black excellence, right?
SPEAKER_02And just to, you know, that's something that um I I I have You have pushed against that for a while, that black girl magic, that black incidents, that you know Yeah, it's like this expectation that you know of of of that you have to be better to be considered um acceptable.
SPEAKER_00Um and um I remember there was something when I used to be on Facebook, um something happened to a young man, and um he was a college student, and you know, a black, black um young man. He was a college stud, or um maybe he was a freshman in college, and people were like commenting, oh, what a shame, you know, he's he was a good kid, he was going to school, blah, blah, blah. And I remember my niece, who's comes from the same cloth as Auntie, um, was like, what does it matter if if he was sagging or if he was whatever, did his life matter less because he wasn't a college student? He went to trade school, or so you know, we have these ways of applying these expectations that we have to show up a certain way to be valued.
SPEAKER_02Instead of being valued being a human.
SPEAKER_00Imagine that. Being a human being, imagine that. And that shows up, that shows up in so many ways. And so that to me is is the way that I think about black excellence. Look at what just happened with with the Obamas and you know that that imagery that um was presented. No matter what, you cannot be excellent enough.
Rejecting “Black Excellence” As A Gate
SPEAKER_02You cannot be excellent enough. So why are you trying? It doesn't work. Exactly. It doesn't work. You will still, it doesn't matter, you know, how much money you make, how many degrees are behind your name, you will get followed in a store, you will get beaten up or gunned down by um law enforcement. Right. You will, you know what I mean. These are the things, you know, that we experience on a regular basis. And I want, before I leave this world, I want to feel what it feels like not to have that. To look around and say, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_00I'll tell you, um, I know that that's available for us elsewhere. And people will say, yeah, but racism is everywhere. Yeah, racism is is everywhere. I I guess I haven't been everywhere. Um, but it it was exported um pretty broadly across across the world. However, everywhere isn't that there is um, you know, this assumption that you're going to steal. This assumption that you are um you don't belong, this assumption that doesn't exist everywhere in the world. And I do think that there's some some kind of quote unquote currency that we carry as Americans. There may be assumptions that We have money. The way that we do things here is the best way. And so we have to take those ways elsewhere to whatever make them better. Does that sound familiar? This idea that, you know, oh, there's a there's a dark continent, so we need to go and you know and enlighten them and enlighten them and white man's burden.
SPEAKER_01For years and years and years, these societies live socially and have their own systems and governmentally.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. So we know best. That we know best, and this this is what works. And maybe it works for some, but it doesn't work for a whole lot more people than what it works for. And you could be sweating and trying to do and trying to get on the top of the pyramid to to never get there, or to treat the people that you're fighting like crabs in a bucket to get to the top. What a way to live.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00What really there are other options and that's we know how that feels.
SPEAKER_02We know what that feels like. And we're trying to reject it. I'll tell you what was intriguing. Um when she's she spoke about Americans going around and buying up property in in places.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and land. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And land just because they could, just because they can. Right. Because they happen to have money. And it gave me pause because my ultimate intention was to go to Panama and buy a small um a piece of land and a home and you know, establish roots and what have you. But the distinction that she made is that very often expats come to these countries.
SPEAKER_00Let's call them immigrants. How about we start with that? Yeah, they're immigrants. Yeah. Because even yeah, there's like expats, immigrants. Yeah. Yeah. Let's normalize that.
SPEAKER_03But that's true. It's true. Let's normalize.
SPEAKER_02They buy up properties or and land, and then they want to stay separate from the communities where their land is. Right. And make a profit. There's so many, and we've seen this in Costa Rica most recently, but we also see it in Panama, where they have these communities that are gated. In other words, we like to be here, but we don't want any of you around us.
SPEAKER_00Because you guys are unsafe and we need to feel protected, and we know and that's what the marketing is that this is a safe, guarded, shelled um walled-off community.
SPEAKER_02Right. So there is no need or attempt to get to know the people there, understand the culture, understand, you know, what the value of the land is.
SPEAKER_00I mean, right.
SPEAKER_02Black people and African people have been landowners, owners, and tenders for years, for you know, decades. Yes. But um we have a different idea and a different allegiance to land.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_02You know, land means it could be something like an ancestral land. Exactly. There could be ancestral or cultural significance to land. It's not just a piece of brick. Right.
SPEAKER_00And I think that's the point she was making, right? It's not don't go and buy some land and and build a house necessarily, but when you go and the the the purpose of you buying um uh acres and acres of land is to um uh is to extract. Is to extract, and I think that is the point. There's a way to go into the world and be a part of, and there's a way to use them and the world as as resources for you to extract and exploit, and with especially without connection to the land, right? Yeah, um, and and then doing that. So she she did make a distinction between that and um buying property, but but she also said that you know, get to know a place before you start doing that. Like you may not even want to stay, you may not even want to stay. Um, but the first thing you want to do is to, but you have a connection to the place, so that's that's that's very different. That's very different, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Right son's family, you know. Right, exactly.
SPEAKER_00Exactly.
SPEAKER_02Have a connection, right?
Land, Gated Enclaves, And Belonging
SPEAKER_00Right. So I am so glad that she um made this this um had this conversation. There were a lot of comments. Many of them were not um did not agree in um with with some of the the points that she made. Uh-huh. I I I agreed with all of them because I I understand, you know, the the the general idea of it was that um there are other ways to to be in the world, and we don't have to assume that our way is better. And another point that she made in in some of the examples she gave is some of the things that are American, for example, all the highways and so on, yeah, was for the purposes of separating white people from black people and destroying full neighborhoods and putting a highway right through landowners and yes. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02So these things that we say every we we go in places like man, there's not there's no highways. We have to go down these narrow streets and whatever. Exactly. But the things that we are missing, we don't recall that these are things that have destroyed families and generations. I know of two families that lost their um family homes by eminent domain.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_02You know? Yeah, and um one of them was at the site that's now Barclay Center.
SPEAKER_00Oh, really? Wow. Okay. Wow, yeah. You Brooklyn through and through, girl.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. You are Brooklyn. Um yeah, it's like we go in there with these ideas. Oh, great, there's a highway. We need to get there fairly quick and this and that. First of all, the pace outside of this country is completely different.
SPEAKER_00Completely different. And we're talking about some places, right? Because they're in the places that we would typically go, because we're not talking about Europe in general. We're we're talking primarily about um the places that we've been looking, which is um Panama, the Caribbean, and Central America, yeah. Right, right. So um uh really encourage you guys to check out the um the episode. We will put a link to it here. Um, Les, I just want to check in on how you're feeling because I know you've been doing it right.
SPEAKER_02I haven't had to put anything up my nose. Can you imagine?
SPEAKER_00Wait, walk her around like that. Wait, but let me tell you what I saw this morning. So she calls me.
SPEAKER_02Why you gotta hold why you gotta blow me up like that? Well, because you already said it. I couldn't believe you said it. Okay, because didn't we say last week that listen, I don't care too much what people think of me these days. Okay, well, there we go. So let me talk. Exactly.
Highways, Eminent Domain, And Memory
SPEAKER_00So let me talk. So let me talk. So so we we just had like a check-in, quick check-in conversation, right? And then um she called me back on uh FaceTime and she said, Ange, I gotta show, I gotta show you something. I can't I don't think I can say what I'm quick and she said, she said, I gotta show you something. So so so wait, it wasn't you didn't, you didn't with wait, but Les, you didn't have wait a minute, you didn't just have two things like someone with a bloody nose. You actually had it was like this. Yes, because she had told me the day before it that her nose was running like a faucet. So I thought it was ingenious because you created like a bridge, an engineering structure, an engineered structure where it would come down and puddle.
SPEAKER_02It was just I was all day and I would just change it. This is what you and patients in the world.
SPEAKER_00I gotta go, but you can't believe it.
SPEAKER_02You don't want to walk around, hi I'm your doctor, you know, and then when I was finished with the patient, I walked around like this, and then I what the hell? We did say your lip was dry.
SPEAKER_00And you didn't contaminate anything from having to blow your nose. Did we not say that at a certain age does not matter? It didn't, it really didn't matter. We double take like what are you doing? As Jamaicans say, we know how to make life whatever, these things don't matter. Are you are you taking care of yourself? Are you making sure that the patients are fine, that they're in a sterile environment? Yes, yes, yes.
Pace Of Life And Regional Focus
SPEAKER_02Yes, I washed my hands after after every time I touched the tissues, and I was good. I want to say one more thing about um Stephanie Perry that um that I really think is important because historians, anthropologists, sociologists are gonna look at this time and Stephanie characterizes as a new black migration. There are there's quite a bit of movement out of the United States into other areas in the world. Some people are going to Africa or West Africa. My uncle um uh two years ago moved to Kenya. Um, I told you that. Yeah. Yeah. Um so people are leaving this country and they're looking at it as a new black migration. And what Stephanie um Perry admonished or warned us is that with this wave of new people, let's not bring some of the white supremacist ideas with us. Exactly. And I understand that so much of this has is ingrained in us and sometimes feels um epigenetic.
SPEAKER_00Oh boy, could you explain that please?
SPEAKER_02Well, like, you know, in a in our genes, you know, and passed on, and you know, I just it's just the way that it's done, kind of thing. But but I also remember some of the things that my grandmother has, my great-grandmothers have told me, my grandmother has told me, you know, about respectability politics and black excellence and a lot of these things. Right. So it's in me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it's really, and that's why I said, you know what? No, it's easy for me.
SPEAKER_03I'm ready, I'm coming, I need some time. Take your time, get yourself right. All this stuff with me, you know, you're gonna be like, what? Who is this?
SPEAKER_02But but she is saying that because if we want to integrate into these countries and into these communities and with these people, yeah, let's shed some of this so that we can respect some of the newness and the new cultures. Right, right.
SPEAKER_00You know, you gotta check yourself.
SPEAKER_02And I and I'm making a joke of it, but I really am going to need to take some pause because, you know, I have this attitude, especially, you know, as uh a a black physician in this country. You know, I'm I'm used to being regarded in a certain way. Right, right, you know, professionally.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And um whether I practice medicine abroad or not, I don't plan to. But um I do not it will not serve me if I take some of these attitudes with me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself. That's right, that's right.
SPEAKER_00Anyway, all right, guys.
SPEAKER_02A lot to think about.
Humor, Health, And Making Do
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And please do think about these things. Please do. It may not be apparent, but um, hopefully we've got you thinking. You can listen to Stephanie Perry's um episode. Yeah, we'll put the link in our remember, it's called Um Some Black People Moving Abroad Are Agents of White Supremacy. Are you? And agents meaning that you um you you carry, you carry, you support, you um representing extensions of white supremacy abroad. So check yourself. All right, Les. Let's bring it in.
SPEAKER_02All right, so this has been another episode of Black Hoover Besties from Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_04Brooklyn