Ep169 A Single “Black Experience” is Crazy Talk

Offering tea to a new home health aide who doesn’t speak English spirals into a deeper discussion about how culture, power, and language shape care and dignity. The Besties explore the different worlds they come from. Angella grew up in Jamaica, where domestic help is common and etiquette is clear; Leslie was raised in Brooklyn, where that setup feels rare and historically loaded. That contrast reveals how easy it is to project motives, fumble hospitality, or confuse kindness with condescension.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Hey Ange. Hey Les, how's it going? I'm mad because you're why? Why is your lighting? Why does your lighting look like you are in a studio and mine? I am in a studio. Because my eyes look all dark and I've got lights. I've got lights and nothing. Why? Well, I'm telling you, it's my glow up. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

It's I'm glowing. This is my glow-up. That's my I don't have any lights on. I don't have any lights on.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

This is my glow-up. You you lie like a rug. You lie like a rug. What? Let me see what you have. I want one. I want one. Okay, okay. What is it? Oh, slipping. That looks like a$20 device. It probably is a$15 device. Okay, I'm gonna get one. Listen, people, I'm gonna get one because I listen, I haven't needed. How's that? Okay, this is what showing off looks like. How's that? Take a moment. This is what showing off looks like. I can go brighter. And then the dancing. And then the dancing.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Wait, different shades. Wait, what? Blue tone? Anyway. Warm yellow. How's that? Little melon yellow.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Listen. Killing the small. You're gonna be sick of me when I get by. You're gonna be so sick of me.

Who We Are And Why We’re Here

SPEAKER_02 1:32

And then I'll get a bigger one. Oh my gosh. Who are we, right? Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

Hi guys. I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years since we were 15. Can you believe that? We are two 15. We are two free-thinking, 60-something-year-old black women who have um decided to be really intentional about bringing more joy and joyful living into our lives. And we um come on here and we talk about how we have um been in the process of transforming, of letting go of old assumptions about how we're supposed to be as older black women, how we are um what we're supposed to like and not like, what are the rules that we're supposed to be, how we're supposed to address all the things, all the things. And so we invite you to join us on our journey. We hope that you either start or continue on yours. And um one of the things that came up this week involves um how some cultural differences between Leslie and I, and and she'll kind of introduce the topic. But I'm originally from Jamaica, I've lived in the United States for a very long time, and Leslie is um BK all day, all day far away. Listen, and you will you will um know that very soon when she says when she says sword or something like that, or or coffee. Um anyway, but something came up and it was just so interesting how the conversation evolved, and we thought you would find it interesting too.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

So And so many people think that you and I are so similar and that we think in tandem, but we're really different. We just messed. Can I just I just have to be transparent for a minute? Okay, go. My stomach has been growling. Oh not the growling stomach, it's so loud, accompanied by a dinosaur, but it's my stomach growling. And either I would have to wait a half hour or stop my stomach growling. We're just going with it.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

We're just going with it. It's absolutely my podcast, and I can growl if I want to. You can growl if you want to, and if I'm okay with it, that everybody's gotta be okay with it, okay? We don't try to hide these things from you. So, anyway, what happened? What can I say?

Home Care Arrives With A Language Barrier

SPEAKER_02 4:12

So we all know that my son was discharged from the hospital a week ago. Being that I'm back to work, I needed to get some home help for him. So I've been corresponding with an agency, and um, you know, they they've been prepared to send out a um a home health aid to um assist him during the day while I'm gone.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

So she's been struggling. She's been struggling.

Is She Quiet Or Silenced By Context?

SPEAKER_02 4:45

I'm I'm laughing because I'm laughing because of the person that they sent to help him. Granted, it was somewhat of a last minute, although I've been co c corresponding with them for a couple of months. It turns out that I needed someone for the next like in two days. So I didn't give them a whole lot of time. I'm gonna give them that. Yeah. For sure. So we had the person come over to the house to meet us. And there was a couple things that were striking. One, um, she was very young, which I don't have a problem with. I'm very young. So I don't discriminate. I'd say you were very young. You were very young. And she was also I'm gonna say I am young. But she didn't speak not one word of English. Okay. When I said hello, I'm not even sure if she, you know, she really has no English proficiency. I would say zero. And the thing is, Ange and I um were here speaking to her, and Angela came up in anticipation of Omari's discharge. She came up to assist me with it and get him ready and all of this stuff. So she's helping to coordinate his home care as well. So she laid out, you know how Ange does, and explicit lists, tasks, calendars, phone numbers, and all of this written out. And she was going over this with the person, and she said, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Ange asked her, can you repeat what I said? And she couldn't. I don't even know if she understood what you asked her to do when you asked her to repeat it. I don't think so. So what happened or what it became was in order for me to communicate with her, I had to use the translate app and then show it to her, or speak it and show it to her, and then she would do the same. And she, you know, didn't say very much. In the meantime, my son was here with her, and he's doing the same. But what I real what I realize is that while she's been here for the past few days, most of us have just been silent. You know, we're really not speaking because, you know, it's a little cumbersome to get your phone, make sure she sees it, show it to her, and vice versa. So we for the most part um didn't speak much. And that got um me to mention to Ange, and I said, you know, she's very quiet and withdrawn. And I said, I wonder, I believe that's likely her personality in general, that she's a very quiet, withdrawn person. I said, Well, I wonder is this her personality? Or do you think the fact that she doesn't isn't proficient or doesn't speak English, do you think that kind of silenced her and made her turn inward? I really doubted that. I was leading more toward it being her personality because I know she's been in the United States for two years, and I f I was assuming that in her home come country, speaking her home her native language, if her personality was a little more outgoing, that would have been established already, you know. And then I used the example of me being in a country where I didn't speak the language. I think still my outgoing personality would dominate my behavior, you know? And that's when the conversation started. So it kind of got interesting. So go ahead, how did you respond, Ange?

Power Dynamics Behind Everyday Help

SPEAKER_03 8:53

So I made Leslie aware that there was a power dynamic, right? That it wasn't only the the language thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

And I didn't even think of it. You know, like me, uh hey, what power dynamic?

SPEAKER_03 9:12

Because what the the other thing that happened, you had mentioned that you had offered her some tea. And um I did. You you you were like hesitating, you didn't know how to how how to um respectfully or how to properly or what the rules were in how to serve her this tea and the position she was in and so on.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Yeah, it felt very awkward, and I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_03 9:41

It was just so weird. Yeah. So what we started talking about, which got- I mean, this it it became like an hour-long conversation.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

This is why we podcast, because we have these conversations over the phone while I'm driving home from work, and then it gets into it, it's like podcast.

Jamaica Vs Brooklyn: Norms Of Home Help

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Yeah. Well the the thing that that we started talking about is um how in my culture, in Jamaican culture, having someone in the home, um caring for the home, you know, cleaning, doing laundry and things like that is very common. It's very common. And so I think a part of Leslie's um discomfort wasn't only it wasn't only the fact that um she didn't have um, she wasn't proficient in English. It was just how how do I move with this person? How do I, I, you know, I'm a black woman, she's a black woman. What what are the rules of engagement in a way, right? That's what it was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

And and I felt so awkward, you know, like I started to say, I don't like telling people what to do. Actually, yes, I do. Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

You're a damn love, but only the people I love. Leslie had the sign in her kitchen that's I'm not bossy, I'm just helpful. I swear I'm believing. I know you do. What do you mean? What are you telling me? I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

Everybody that knows you is right. But anyway, I really felt uncomfortable because I really didn't know the appropriateness of offering her tea, or, you know, knowing me, I would sit down and we'd be having tea together. And the boy would be, uh the man would be fending for himself, doing stuff, and we're sitting here drinking our tea, you know, going back and forth with the phone. You know, it's it's like I'm not used to having um that type of home help. I've had house cleaners and stuff, but that's even different. You know, this person is here to attend to his personal needs, whatever they may be.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

And um and is one of the differences with the people who come to clean your home, you're really not there. You're you're kind of a way out of their way, you're not really interacting at versus now.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

I don't know if my my my our people don't know that uh I live in a tiny apartment. So we're kind of right, it's not tiny.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

It's it's much smaller.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

It's 900 square feet.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

That's tiny.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

It's not a tiny home.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

I think it's I think it's relative, but but okay, it's much smaller than you're used to. Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Okay, I left a house four times bigger than it.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Tiny is relative. I'm just saying. Okay, keep going. I'm just saying.

Respect, Roles, And Serving Tea

SPEAKER_02 12:50

So again, we're gonna just say, I really I'm admitting I was uncomfortable and I didn't, I wasn't sure. Should I offer her something, you know, if I'm fixing myself food is like, would you like some? You know, I I don't know, you know. I'm I mean, she's not my guest, she's not company, I'm paying her. But it was, it was, it was, it was weird. And you reminded me, one, yes, there is a power dynamic there, and that could affect her affect as it should. But um but I am not used to having home help like that. I'm not. And it's and then you also pro pointed out that it's while culturally it's more common in Jamaica to have people in the home helping out and things like that. Whereas in, you know, Brooklyn, in the black American, um, in the North America, I guess in the South, it's a little more common, perhaps. But where I'm from, you know, in the inner city, we don't have that type of home help.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Um help there. And it could be that, you know, we didn't grow up with a lot of extra money. We did all the work that needed to be done around the house ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

You know?

SPEAKER_03 14:13

I I okay, so one of the things that really struck me, um, I remembered in the 90s, I lived in Mexico City for four months. I was there, I was working for JP Morgan, and I went to be their IT person um in their um office in um in Mexico City. And so a few weeks maybe I was in a really nice hotel, and then my manager at the time, who was this white woman, she had a house with a housekeeper, and she said, Well, I'm not gonna be here for a few months. Why don't you come and stay in my home? It doesn't make sense that you're in a hotel and there's this empty house here, or a house with and I could see when she was introducing me to her housekeeper, this was a live-in. Let's let's use the word that is typical, a live-in maid. Um I could tell her as a white woman talking to me as a black woman about this um Mexican brown woman um being her maid, right? With the dynamics that we know, uh, the history of America that we know about, right? We don't have to go into all of that, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Right, and I found it really interesting. So you saw that she kind of had a weird exactly, you know, it was a little awkward.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

She's telling me. It was a little awkward. Here I have this brown maid. Right. Avail yourself to her of her.

Reverse Mentoring And Real DEI Lessons

SPEAKER_03 15:58

And so it was kind of very plantation-y in a sense, right? But but what she didn't really grasp, and I'm I'm not faulting her for this, but it's it's just um why it's so important to to know people and not just kind of clump people into categories. As a Jamaican, that was very familiar to me, right? And and now looking at um places in Panama, most of the places we look at has what they call maids quarters, with a separate, sometimes with a separate entrance, um, their own bathroom, and access to, yes, access to the kitchen and so on, because that's that's where their work is primarily done. And they usually have their own bed because they usually live in, especially if they're young children and so on. So in in the culture that I grew up in, common and not in a um, at least in my family, we weren't allowed to treat these people any which way. I had to put a miss in front of their name. We did not call them maids, we called them helpers. Um, and my mother had really um firm rules around the ways we were supposed to show them respect. That to me, I could say generally is is how un-American. It's it's not it's not common in Jamaica either. I would say many people in Jamaica do not show them the level of respect that that we do. But my point is that um it was very familiar to me to have someone who um did things for you who you could ask to do this or that. Um, and that was their work, and it wasn't kind of a um, it wasn't anything weird to me.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Subservient or whatever. Like, like what you said to me is well, Les, if there was someone hanging curtains in your house, would you have a problem offering them tea or water or something? And I'm like, no.

unknown 18:06

Right.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

So it's the nature of You're there to do a job. Well, I guess it's the nature of the work. I don't know. It's well, I mean I said I envisioned because you know how I am. To me, give a person a cup of tea, and I'm sitting having lunch with her every day. Because that's what I am. You know how I am. I'm like, sit down, sit down, talk, have some tea.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Can I teach I'd be serving something?

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Exactly. Exactly. It's like, so I I I had to reel myself in because I'm out of control sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

Yeah, I I you know, everything has to be looked at in in some type of context, too. There's a reason why you feel that way. I mean, the history of America is is what it is, and there's a reason that, and because you have the the the the the means to have someone come in to take care of your son in this way, it's it's I get it. It's it's it's odd. It's odd and it's also um odd for you. And so this is where things kind of opened up into this bigger conversation about how I don't want to I don't want to take it too big, but how um you can be a black person, someone from the African diaspora, and the cultures within that designation could be so.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Can be so and experiences can be so very so when they lump us and say, oh, black people are this, or you know, or these are for black people, or black people are supposed to act this way, but that's why diversity is so important because you would know that you and I have totally different experiences in this regard. Right. Exactly. So tell to mention about what happened with the reverse mentoring thing. That's an example of it.

Beyond Quotas: See Individuals, Not Labels

SPEAKER_03 20:11

That's okay. So when I was at um my company, the company that I spent most of my um career in IT at, um I was responsible for they had a reverse mentoring program. And this was this listen, this was before DEI. Um uh this was I I forget what the the the terms were um before, because you know, the the the whole diversity space, it used to be like tolerance, right? You can tolerance with the word. Yeah, do you guys remember that?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Just tolerate just tolerance.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

We just want to be tolerated. Tolerance. It was tolerance. We just want to matter. We just can we matter. Can we matter? Can we matter? Civil rights, can we just be civil? Can we just be the best?

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Can we matter? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Can we matter to tolerate us? So tolerance. Tolerance was we are intolerable.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Please tolerate us.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

Please tolerate us. Tolerance was one one of the the words early on that described how to kind of include people who are different into um into kind of majority uh majority spaces, right? And so there was this program around reverse mentoring, where there was, um, at the time I was a program manager and I was assigned to an executive vice president. He was he was in charge of sales for this Fortune 500 company, right? So you guys know sales is where the money comes in. Everybody gets paid through what the sales organization does, right? So he He was this um very senior person, reported to the CEO, and I was responsible to mentor him around issues of diversity in this the stripe that I I knew being uh black, being a woman. Um, and that's probably all that he thought that I was, right?

SPEAKER_04 22:22

No judgment.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

It's probably all that he thought that I was that most people know. That's all because you look at someone that most people know. I've in my career, you know, when I've befriended um whites and um people from other races or whatever, I've heard many times people say, You're different. But you're different.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Okay. Are you though? What?

SPEAKER_01 22:46

But you're different, you know. It's like what? Yeah, but yeah, so go ahead.

Tyla, South Africa, And Lenses On Race

SPEAKER_03 22:52

So something really profound happened with he and I because, first of all, it I had to take on the responsibility of mentoring this person who was 50 million levels above me, and take on the responsibility of being the lead in this, right? Because that was that was something with a strong personality to do that. Well, it it was, I think when you feel responsible for a goal, you do what you need to do. So I really had to step into that. And and what that meant is having some difficult, difficult for me, probably difficult for me too, conversations about um what how to how to be a better leader with a diverse group of people, right? And one of the things that I pointed out to him is that it's not a matter of trying to understand black people. Because even in our group of black people, there's so many different types of black people. And I'm not talking about the individual per se, right? Personality or things like that. I'm talking about there are people who are from the Caribbean who have our own ways of looking at the world, right? Um, culturally, very conservative, culturally um having these kind of ways of um thinking about um black Americans, um, culturally um very religious. Um, and so just looking at someone on your team and saying, oh, that's a black person, I'm gonna assign them to do something with some other black people over there in Atlanta or wherever. Um, and I said, you know, you there could be tension between this Jamaican and those um um African Americans, because sometimes there is tension uh across these communities. And so if you're not, if you're just looking and saying, oh, that's a black person, and so that's all I have to know, and so I'm going to be this great diversity leader and um do kind of the do the black thing, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_02 25:08

It means nothing, it means it means nothing, and so it fails at the goal, if the goal actually was understanding, you know.

Immigrant Success Myths Vs Black America

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Absolutely, absolutely. And so um what was really interesting about the story, and I'll kind of end with this crescendo. I found an article. Actually, my sister, who you guys know is uh is an anthropologist and does uh a lot of work in um around race, and she had sent me this article about kind of the trajectory of this diversity in corporate life work, right? Um, and how it moved from quotas, right? It's just having a number of people, right? Uh, and it moved into okay, who are these people? It moved into okay, how do we keep these people? How are we creating systems that make these people want to stay? And and kind of this whole kind of arc of of this work around um creating diverse workforces. And um it kind of um at that time, and this was, I don't know, in the 2000s, early 2000s, maybe 2010, maybe. Um, and at that point it had moved into looking at the individual, right? And and um in the same way that you would look at an individual if that individual were white.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Right, you know what I mean? We don't know, you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Right. Right. So how did it turn out for him?

Practical Care: Lead With Respect

SPEAKER_03 26:52

So he was amazed, and another thing that I'll say just as an aside, there were so many things that he and I had in common, which we never considered. How the music we liked, um, we were both um, you know, had had both gone to Catholic school and things like that. So that was another really interesting thing. But what happened is he really took what I taught him to heart. And I heard sometime later that at the big sales meeting that that they have, he instructed his team to have these same considerations that he and I had talked about, you know, knowing people as individuals and so on. And it was just a um just a wonderful kind of full circle moment when that that information came back to me and I knew that um I was a part of I was responsible. I'm I'm gonna like put my humility aside um and keep it over there. That um keep it over there while you have a box of female. I know, I do. You're like I got I got my yes, right over here. And so so anyway, my my point in in telling that story and why it came up when with you and I talking is that um being a black person and there is so much that is empowering and um and connective about that, um it it also has the um one of the negative things I'll say about that is that we expect, we come to expect us all to be the same, right? That if we're not the same, if we don't have the same ways of seeing the world, then something is wrong with you as a black person. You gotta give back your black card if if we don't act the same. And I remembered um, I don't do you remember the um the singer, she's South African. Um, she sings that song water, maybe. Water, uh I don't remember, but I'll tell you in a second. I think it starts with a T. Tyla. Tyla. Yes. She she's South African, right? And um, she was on one of the big shows. I don't know if it was Charlemagne the God, but one of those type of shows. And someone asked her a question similar to whether she considers herself black. And there was some controversy because of how she answered or didn't answer the question. And I was telling Leslie, you know, that is what I'm talking about. This woman is South African, they have completely different um structures. She's considered colored in her country. That's a term we don't use in America anymore, but they use it in South Africa. Yet black people hearing her say or not say that she was black, oh, she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to identify to identify with it.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

It's like what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 30:00

Going from our American lens and extrapolating that to other people incorrectly. Exactly. Incorrectly. Well, we have to understand the hierarchy and the structure in South Africa.

Life Updates And Moving Forward

SPEAKER_03 30:18

In different places, exactly. Exactly. And it's a part of like um, you know, because America is a huge and very influential country, and black Americans are very influential across the world. And it was just kind of a a, you know, uh a kind of checking ourselves around these things. And um we're gonna uh um bring my sister, hopefully, we can get her on soon. She's done some work around um race as a construct, and I know that's a very kind of controversial idea. Um, but I would love for her to come and talk to us and in our audience about that and what it all means, and this thing that is so affirming to be able to call ourselves black and black power and um black excellence and black empowerment and all the wonderful ways that we are connected, our hair and all the things, right? And then see that as something that was constructed, seeing that as something that is is both wonderful and also very, very um imposed.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

Imposed and manipulated. Yes, yeah, yeah, yes. That's so interesting. Okay, I'm up for that. We're gonna do it. So let me ask you, let's go back to the beginning. Yeah. What should my posture be then around home help, especially with a young lady like this that has those demographics, you know.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Um, uh young black woman or black person, you know. And you're right, there is hierarchy there. I am not only the um the person, the employer, per se, in a way, you know. If she and I don't get along, then there's her income, you know, that's job security and all of those things. So I understand that a bold, perhaps, personality is not appropriate in that setting. But, you know, it it kind of made me wonder, you know, if she was English uh speaking, you know. And it just made me wonder, you know, about her personality. Would she have a different um she be as quiet or remember a few months ago?

SPEAKER_03 32:52

I don't remember the topic and what episode and all of that, but I told you about this. Um I think she was Brazilian, um, uh maybe a poet who is Brazilian, and she was talking to someone, and she used the the wrong phrasing or something like that. English a second language, and um, and she she she had not mastered English yet, but she mastered beyond mastered her, you know, Portuguese. Yes, and so the English speaker kind of chuckled at something that she said that was incorrect. And the poet called her on it and said, you know, in my language, I speak so eloquently, and um the impression that I give because I haven't mastered your language is that I'm lacking, or that you know, I don't, I'm not eloquent, that you know, I um whatever, whatever. But my point is that and and me going to a Spanish-speaking country, you know, where I was for a month and knew very little, it just made me really be present to what this person might have been experiencing. And so to answer your question, I think you lead with um respect. And you assume that um intelligence is is not is not up for debate. Um because I did.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

I I said to you, do you think it's a language problem or an intelligence problem? And you very quickly said, I think it's a language problem. And at that, we just simply did a I said, wait a minute, how about if we just go through AI and translate everything that we wrote, which we did, yeah, game changer, which we did, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

And that's that's to me an a sign of respect, right? Right? And and so, yeah, you you offer her tea, but number one, don't make a big deal if she says no, right? She you know, she you know, the other thing that comes to mind right now is sometimes when people go to other countries, like my mother, who was a well-educated woman when she came to America, um, very well educated, and she had to um uh um clean, she had to become a domestic worker to earn money to bring her family to America, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:50

And so for someone to think that my mother, Gladys Barnes Fraser, was a delicious lacked intelligence because it it it had to be it had to be not have the master's degree that she had and this and had this world experience and and and led um political campaigns and all of this stuff. Instead of thinking a little bit more outside the box and saying, what are some of the cultural isms that one brought this person here? And then when she got here, what types of things did she face in order to be able to be in this position? This is a conversation that I have had. Oh my goodness. We don't even have time to get into this, but maybe another podcast. I've had this conversation so many times with my former spouse in that he would look at, because he is a very well-educated um physician, um, as I am. And but he wore, he wore that, he wears that with a badge.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

You had to call him doctors.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

Yeah, in the supermarket. But sir, I only ask you for exact change. But anyway, so we would have these conversations that he, you know, was a foreigner and immigrated to this country and was educated here and all of that. But when he looked at American blacks that were not um excelling and achieving the higher level as he did, he would say, much like um, didn't Ben Carson have the same type of reasoning where if I could do it, why can't you do it? And because you are not, it implies some some like you're lazy or you're this, and I don't remember exactly all the verbiage that um he used to say, but he would all all always discount level two of what could be going on. America for black people is very different than it is for black immigrants coming to this country.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Especially people who come and go directly into um Ivy League schools like um my spouse did and things like that. Yeah. The opportunities are different, the racial structures are different, the cultural structures, and the genetic weathering is so different. Yes, it is. So if you don't take those things into account, it would be a little easy to say, if I could do it, look, I came from another country. I walk barefoot, you know, my parents weren't educated. What's wrong with you? Well, how much time you got? Right. You know, how much time you got? Sit down, doctor.

SPEAKER_04 38:57

Yeah, let me talk to you a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

You know, and I'm just saying, I'm not saying these any of them are excuses, right? But I am saying that there are reasons that need to be considered. Absolutely. And very often it's easy not to.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

It's easy not to. And one thing that you teach me on a regular is we can stay at this level if we want to, but we can go one or two levels down.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

Yeah. Mm-hmm. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:25

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

Interesting, right? Very interesting. Okay, my interaction is gonna be different then. I'm gonna boldly offer tea. A variety of variety.

SPEAKER_03 39:36

No, Leslie, please don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

You're gonna be calling me and I'm gonna be, wait a minute. We're having tea time right now.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

Just whatever you feel like. But again, but in the respect, in the respect category is also respect that um she's there to do to do certain tasks. Right. And have her do hell.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

This is how she feeds her family. This is how she earns her income. Right. I earn mine, she earns hers. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Exactly, exactly. There you go. You got it, baby. You see, tee. All right, stop. All right, stop.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Listen, right? I mean, this just was an organic, hey girl, what are you doing? Phone conversation on the way home.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

I promise you, this is why the podcast started because we have these type of conversations all the time. All the time. All the time. So, wait, before we go, do you guys notice?

SPEAKER_02 40:41

I like your background, by the way. I was gonna say, I'm creating the life of my dreams. Yeah, you are, baby. Okay, I see.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Wait, so this one says um progress over perfection. This says never lose yourself to suffering or success. Never lose yourself to suffering or success. It's backwards, so you won't read it. And this one I just tore this one. I tore it. Okay, wait. But I really wanted to show you guys that this says, for what you have done, I will always praise you, is Psalm 52, 9. Um, but I really wanted to just show you guys that I'm in a different room because it's it's happening. It's happening. Like my my living room and my dining room are completely cleared out. Well, except for the rugs, because it's happening. It has begun my my move. So we'll keep you guys posted. I'm gonna take a lot of pictures so that um at some point you'll you'll kind of see the process. Um, but we're not just talking about it, it's actually happening, and you guys will will have a front row seat as it develops.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

So is that it, Rezreek? That's it. This has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, Brooklyn!