Ep177 Why Handwritten Letters Still Feel Like Love

Your phone is full of messages, photos, and threads you swear you’ll scroll back to someday. But what happens when the platform changes, an account disappears, or “someday” never comes? We’re Angella and Leslie, two 60-something Black women from Brooklyn on a joy journey, and we’re making the case for something radically simple: handwritten letters, cards, and real written correspondence.

We dig into why letter writing still matters, from the “juicy” mother-child letters that hold conversations you’d never say out loud on a call, to the boxes of old notes that become a personal archive of love. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey Ange. Hello, Leslie dear. How's it going? You just wait. What? You just wait. Okay. You just wait. Let me tell you why you can't tell me nothing. Look at my nails.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Look at these lovely nails. That's matte. It's matte, baby. Listen, I've been wearing mats. Oh, get out of here. I've never seen it. Not true. Get out of here. I'm not sure. You see, guys, I can't have nothing. I think they're nice, but. And they're better than the nails I got, but.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Oh, I'm gonna be like this. Excuse me. I'm sorry. And that's not a color that you wear either. It isn't. It isn't. It looks good.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

It looks good, babe. It goes great with your shirt.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Thank you. I like it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

But I'll have to take it off.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

See, I didn't think Leslie had tried Matt. I'm like, but she's gonna get it today. Not only have I tried I can't have nothing.

Joy Journey And Letting Go

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Don't make stuff up, Les. I tried this crazy thing a couple years ago. It was sandy. Oh no. So it was like, oh no. Did you just lay down on your blanket after you did your nails? It was ridiculous. Anyway, welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Hey guys, I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free-thinking, 60-something-year-old black women. We're on our joy journey. We talk about everything related to joy, even things you may not think are related to joy. They're related to joy.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Somehow they get us there.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

They get listen, we're on our way. They expand um our life. You know, they they shake up the way that we tend to do things. They um just shatter assumptions we had about how we should live and all those types of things. And some things are hard because the joy journey can be really hard because sometimes you gotta let go of shit. Like sometimes you have to just walk away from things that are not serving you or not joyful to you or will not become joyful to you. So, anyway, we invite you to join us. Join us, start your journey, continue your journey, get some tidbits and fun from us. All right, Les, you wanted to say something. Go ahead.

The Case For Letter Writing

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Hit it! Listen. Ange just mentioned getting rid of like old assumptions, she said. But if you know me, I don't get rid of too many old things. No, I wear clothing that I've had for 30 years, shoes, I keep friends and folks in my life that I've had forever. But listen to what we're gonna talk about today. And I'm not sure whose idea it was. It's mine.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Uh yeah, it was my idea, and I'll tell you why. Go ahead. But we're gonna talk about the ancient art and the joy of letter writing.

unknown 3:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

And I'm extrapolating that to card writing and just written correspondence.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yes, written correspondence. Yeah. I'm sticking with the letter thing, but written correspondence. Who does that anymore? It's just not a thing. You know who does it? Let me tell you who does it. Leslie is a card writer.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Never stopped.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Never stopped. That is true. Uh what I do with my firstborn is we write to each other letters. Actually, hey mom. Hey bear. And the things that we write in letters, we do not talk about in phone calls. It's a separate track of communication between us. And it's so juicy. It's so good. You know, they ask me questions about my childhood or about things that they made. It's like deep. It's I'm t some things I can't say, but I can write them real good. Right. And maybe that's what it's like a safe space.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

It is beautiful. You never told me that. I think I I knew that they write you. That I knew. But I did not know like that. No, no, no. I didn't know that it was this level of writing. Yeah. I thought it was like, yeah, work is going well. No. You know, it's like, no. That's stuff you can do over the phone, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

That's right. It's really just this precious thing. And I wasn't the one to initiate it. They initiated it. And I'm so grateful about that. But I know Les. What do you want? What do you what do you have? You have something.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I keep boxes of old correspondence.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Okay. Okay.

Old Love Letters And Doodles

SPEAKER_00 5:00

And unlike Ange, who successfully pared down and got rid of things, it's like I have a little more challenge like that. In other words, I will be moving to Panama with a little bit more baggage than you. But I came across, I have like a steamer trunk full of um letters and correspondence. But I came across a smaller bin recently. Because, you know, I've been moving around and and, you know, moved out of the home a couple years ago and it did. And I came across, so you also know that my partner is my former, how do I say the story? Former, my fiance now is my former college sweetheart, father to our son. We've known each other since 1980. And I came across, we used to write letters because we I went to school in Massachusetts, and we went to school in Massachusetts, and when I came back to New York, we corresponded by letter. There was no text or cell phones, and at the time there was the corded phone and all. But he would just write me letters, and I've saved those letters. Not that over the years we were we continued our romantic involvement, but we remained friends, and these letters were just special and dear to me. And I always said that when Omari got older, I would give his dad's letters, you know, to to him to keep or whatever. So can I show you? Can I show you? Sure. I would love to see them. You're so giddy. I know because it's wonderful. Okay, I have props. And it's funny because it kind of brings me back. I remember getting this card. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

What does it say?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

My days are smooth. My days are smoother when we're together. Because at this point, these were long-distance. Right. This was a long-distance relationship. And this was from January 8th of 1982. Oh. And one of the things that was really this was years before Amari was born, but he used to draw little doodles. And I see you soon. Not with the waves, the sea. The sea. And sun woon soon. So, yeah. I remember getting this too. It's so cute. And it said, Next time you run through my mind, would you please take off your jogging shoes? Oh. This was 1987.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

That's crazy. I know. What container is it in? Is it something sizable, or you just pulled out a few of them?

SPEAKER_00 8:19

I just pulled out a few of them. So this, so Ange talked about letter writing, and most of the times it was these letters.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And look at it. That's what I love. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

It's like all the right soon.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Yes. The crossing out because we don't have backspace and just oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

The envelopes are all like yellow. This was from 1981. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Just I just have the whole, like a whole thing of them. And then like he worked at the hospital. So I got some with the with the letterhead from the hospital. He would write me, I guess, while he's at work. Everyone had envelopes from work.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

That we put a label over. Oh my goodness. Wow. How does it feel like rereading those? So look at this.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

He wrote, he typed up this letter in the letterhead from where he works. And it says, Dear Miss Pooza, we have noted in our records that you have an outstanding balance. Signed We're Bogus M D. I see much. And we W-E Talk B Signed, regretfully, I am fresh. This is what he said in 1985. So corny, but so cute. But so cute. So cute. So cute. So cute. And and you know, I don't need to, you know, go into any more of these letters, but the point is, I think it's a wonderful thing. One, that we've reconnected after all of this time. And the common thread is that, especially as he was such a great father, has been a great father to our son, I've always known where he stood in my life and how much he cared about me. And we went our separate ways and I've married and all of this, but I always knew that he cared about me. Right, right. You know, and and I've asked him, like since we've reconnected, I've asked him, can you start writing again? He's like, no, I'm not doing that. And occasionally, you know, we'll send each other cards and stuff because we're still off the long distance. But um, it's like these are just it's like a blast from the past. Yes. Because reading them, he says, Oh, I'm glad that your chemistry test went well. You must have studied. It's like he's telling, you know, these are testaments to where they're snapshots into your life. That's right. That's right. Yeah.

Why You Should Own Your Memories

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Yeah. And the other thing is that these things are um, these are things that you have control over, right? You may be thinking, well, you may be thinking, oh, well, I people hear from me, I send them texts, I send them emails, I, you know, I I I share IG stuff with them and those types of things. We're connected on Facebook and all of those things, but none of that is your own. None of that, that is meta's. That is that data does you do not own that part of your life. At any point, meta could go away, and that stuff is. You're right about that. And it's this stuff you own. This is that's true, that's true. And even though I have um, you know, had to say goodbye to a lot of the things that I've I've I've had throughout my life, I have kept all of my letters. I have boxes too, and I just remembered I um had a friend who I met in college when I was a freshman, and um she's from a country in Africa, and um her father used to write to her a lot. And there was one point in between apartments being available, whatever, that she stayed with me in my apartment because I lived off campus probably for my sophomore year. And so she had all of these letters from her dad, and somehow they came into my possession from college, okay. Do you know that I'd never got rid of them? Oh I every place I'd moved to, they came with me. Every place I moved to the city.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

You coveted them because you knew how the means like this.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

It was a it was a box, you know, a pretty big box of when it comes to letters. And before I moved this last time, I reached out to her, got her address, and and packaged them up and sent them to her. Oh, isn't that great? And letters just just have a lot of meaning for me. Coming from a different country, letter writing, whenever I would get an airmail letter, that's why, because it was airmail, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:06

And so the letters were stamped and blue stripe along the envelope.

Airmail From Jamaica And Mother’s Notes

SPEAKER_01 14:11

Yes, and what I don't know if you're aware, but to reduce the weight of these letters, you could write on the the envelope itself. You could you unfold it. Because you didn't want to do too many pieces of paper, too many pieces of paper and the weight of the envelope itself. So the paper was fairly thin. Oh you could write on the let on the envelope and then refold it and seal it, and you could send it. So you can imagine me as a little girl in Jamaica when my mother came to America. Um, and to this day, I don't even think I want to know how how long my mother was, I was away from my mother, um, my siblings and I, not just me. But can you imagine getting these letters from her? It must have been so exciting. I would wait until I could sit in a corner, you know, so it wasn't just a part of the and I would write to her. And I now have some of the letters of mine that she saved. Oh, I when I would tell her how I was doing in school, and there was one where I drew a picture and I said, Um, I want a dress with something like this, and it was dark. Like I had a bosom.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

So those darts. I thought you meant those threw them darting on the booth.

A Surprise Letter That Led To Panama

SPEAKER_01 15:44

I drew a picture of a dress and I said, I want you to get me a dress with with with something like this. And I drew darts on the dress. This was before I became a sewist, before I learned how to sew. Um and and now I have them because I got them from my my mom's things. Oh, that's right. She kept them all of these years, all of these years. And so letters are just these, just these special, special things. I've I've talked about some of the things that led to me choosing Panama as a place that I would um move to. And there were many things, um, some really big things, some things that were um just completely unexpected. And one of them is a letter that I found that was written to me by um one of my aunts who is Panamanian, and um my mother would go to visit them quite a bit in Panama, and I found this letter just I wasn't looking for it. This is what I wasn't looking for it. I you see, you see I found this letter, and um you could see the you can see the stamps. Oh man, looks brand new. Look at the look at the look at the handwriting, just beautiful handwriting. That's my old um, oops, let me take that off. Yeah, address. And um, and in this letter, she mentions, she reminds me of how much my mother enjoyed Panama. And in my journey of deciding where I was gonna move to, this is one of the things that God placed in front of me that made me say, yeah. And of course it's this. And I'm not going to read this one, but I just kind of want you to see the beautiful handwriting. Oh, you know what I mean? Um, it's just, you know, um, from your grandmother um Veronica and grandmother Ruby. Um just cherish. Yes. Yes. Cherish. It's in my bag. You know, I have a Ziploc bag. Yes, yes. This is my mother. My mother's like, if anything happens, grab this. And she would label everything for me. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

It's like the perfect thing because I keep these and uh, you know, um letters from Rick in a Ziploc. That's right. You know, flooding or whatever. It seems that you got a lot of your appreciation for letter writing from your mom. Yeah. And my mom has always, especially more recently, writes um letters and cards. So I came across, like she just sends us little notes, sends me notes, and I keep them. Oh and just like that's so lovely. And so now that she's gotten older, this is kind of like her trademark, her stamp. So, like, look, so this is on her things, yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Oh man, you know, guys, like I mean, these are like priceless.

Cards And Postcards Worth Keeping

SPEAKER_00 19:21

These, you know, you're and I have so many of the so how do you get rid of these things? You don't. A um my aunt recently sent me this card, right? And just added a blue, but it's like, look at the card. Oh, yes. I can't get rid of this.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

This is a nice surprise.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

You can't, you can't, you can't, you know, and then like I also have over the years, I love postcards, and I keep the ones that are the most unusual. They're good for framing, too. And they're excellent for like on my desk. Yes, yeah. People's travels. Yeah, yeah. Oh wow. You know? Wow. My niece Ira sends cards and um yeah. My and Kai. It's like it's special stuff. Look at like you think they're not just words because especially young people who take the time to write, this card has been curated. Yeah, look at the texture of it, and you know, so this says something about what yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

You know, in the um you you're gonna remember the author. I I don't remember things like that very easily. Um, but the the the new book or fairly new book called Um Kin. Um you you know the author. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

I can't think of it right now.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Okay. Um we'll we'll find a link to it. But um, it's on it's it's on Oprah's um book club. Uh but I heard her on NPR and she was talking about letter writing because that that is a part of the um the story of these these two girls um and and their journey. Yes. And I think of the 1950s or that type of thing. And she was talking about how um when you write a letter, especially at that time, but I still think now, it's so intentional, right? It is gotta buy a stamp. You gotta buy a stamp, you gotta have an envelope, you have to have the components, you have to have obviously something to say. You're not gonna just, you know, get a pen and paper and not have something to say.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Or you can do what Rick does and write pictures.

Penmanship, Cursive, And Lost Photos

SPEAKER_01 21:58

And write draw pictures. But it's such an expression of a gift that you're giving to someone else. The gift of your time. Do you know what I mean? That's what it is. And it's a beautiful thing. So we really, really, really want to encourage you. Plus, we're forgetting how to write. I don't mean the set write a particular sentiment. I mean actually writing, like making letters.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

And your hands and fingers. And instead, we're trading them for this. This is transient and fleeting and just disappears. It's in the same way we're losing photographs.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

You know, I um in my box of letters, in this box, I came across um these pictures. Because I keep some photographs too. Where's that from? That's Omari inside. Oh my god. Omari as a toddler. Look at the little boat. The little, you know, probably church or some event. You know. Oh my goodness. You know, so we don't have things like that anymore either.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

And so the other thing that I I think this is true, and it's sad. I think that penmanship and a cursive, it's that they're not teaching it like as a standard part of um the curriculum for for young young folks now. Um and so cursive, like cursive. Did you see the curse? Look at look at that. Yeah, it's a little music.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

It's like yeah, something's wrong with the they can go there now if they want to. Hey, they can go there now if they want to.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

You can look it up because it was here. Yeah, y'all could see how I was living.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Oh my gosh. Yeah, yes. When you see, and when my mom and when people or when I'm gone, it's almost like you feel the presence, even if when they're still here. Yeah, for sure. You know that they put a pen in their hand. Yeah. And they thought of something and said, This is to Les.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, that's right. I remember my mom would call me Washbelly because I I in Jamaica, the last born, that's a like a nickname. You call him Washbelly. And so she would sign it either Washbelly, which is so, or WB. Um, and she always wrote my name Angie with an I, not an IE. Um, and just the different things, like I remember it, it tells us it's like a glimpse into a life, right? Because some of mommy's letters was okay, um, send send send your brother, you know,$10 if you can, and you know, and then when he gets, he'll send you that and make sure you pinch your money because this is when I was in college, because you know, and we have to help each other. And we have to help each other, and you know, whoever has it has to be willing to share, and just these um, and so yeah, it was it was that was like a famine part of my life, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Snapshot into the times, yeah. Absolutely. When you start looking around at what's going on in the world, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

It's it's incredible. And so it's yes, do this and all the things, but imagine 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, beyond years from now, when your loved ones have these mementos of you. Um it's, you know, it's a special, I think it's a special gift that you give by writing letters. I say letters, Leslie say letters and cards. I I just like the letters. Uh I want all the leverage. I want all the news, all the news.

Easy Habits For Writing More

SPEAKER_00 26:07

You know, but I manage to get things and into cards because here's here's how I keep up my practice of letter and card writing. Bullet point one, always have them available.

unknown 26:21

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

When I go to different shops or travels or whatever, I pick up blank cards, I pick up note paper and whatever. So I have, they're always ready. Yes. Yeah. And two, I'm a pen snob. So I also so I also have special pens that I use. There are some that don't make the cut. Don't make the cut. But I all I also always have stamps ready. So if I get the urge, it's not like I put it over the visor in the car, and a month later, oh my gosh, I never sent this. Yeah. You know, so you can structure yourself so that you make getting these correspondences out a little bit easier. Easier. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And just think of again being the recipient of one of these things. I look at it. Unexpectedly.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Just you open your mailbox and instead, in between the the cable bill and the, you know, and the the um car registration bill and all of that stuff, you get a beautiful letter from a loved one.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

No other feeling in the world to me.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

All right, so you know, you guys have to let us know what you think about this. If if there are such um things that you guys do in your lives, like if they're special letters, do you keep them? I have a box full of them. What do I get rid of? I don't know. You know, I keep cards also, and I don't know. Like, how do you, you know, I don't know. I don't know. But as long as I have room for them, I'm keeping them. That's right, because and what if I didn't keep, you know, after you know, Ricardo and I, you know, went in different directions. What if I said, you know, I don't need the letters and stuff anymore? And then you know, yeah, those are not scandalous or anything inappropriate. It's just I'm thinking of you, I care about you, I love you, and I'm sending you a letter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Yeah. It's you're like there.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

And they're delicate.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

We want to bring back, we want to bring back the art of letter writing. We hope that you will just jump on, just just just do it. Just do it. It's so much fun. And imagine getting the phone call. Oh, I got your letter, how sweet. Oh my gosh, who knew? And all the things. I think it's beautiful. You may want to um develop a practice where you send, I know some people do this. They send a letter every year um during the holidays or um for New Year's, um, updating family on what's happening with their immediate family, what they're doing, and so on, and they send that in the letter. Um, how however you choose to do it.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

I have two mem recent memories, of course. My aunts, they always, with every card that they send, and they're card people, they're right, very small. It's so beautiful. And um, they just fill the pages, the whole card with things. Um, when they stayed at my house in Florida recently, my aunt Anita, it was so lovely the letter she had, she, the card, the thank you card she sent. It wasn't just a stock thank you card. She pointed out specific areas in my home that she appreciated.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

And the mural by the pool made me think of such and such, such and such. And I love that, that area in your whatever, you know, and I'm like, man, I mean so different from any other form of communication.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Any other form of communication.

Challenge: One Letter A Month

SPEAKER_00 30:11

It's a beautiful it would not land the same way as if she called or sent me a text of thanks. Yeah, yeah, absolutely true. All right, how about if you guys commit to one letter a month? I think that's to someone. I think that's one letter a month.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

I think that's fair. Do it. It doesn't have to be long. It doesn't have to be long. Do it. Yeah. Do it. All right. Do it. Do it. Okay. Thank you, Les. Thanks for watching. You see why I was so happy going back in and I had to go get mine. Yeah. And this, you know, um I'm in the middle of moving, and these things, this is along with my kids' um uh birth certificates and um my social security card.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

This is where I keep the special box.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

The sledder and a few from my mom. Yeah. They yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Anyway. So it's alright for me not to get rid of stuff like that, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Yeah, but but the sweater set that you had 30 years ago from Kim, that it's timeless.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

It's can I can I can I bring up a funny story about that? Okay, sure. I just learned this uh less than a week ago. I ran into a uh a young lady that coincidentally happened to be one of my students from 25 years ago. And she was telling a woman next to her, she says, and guess who one of her best friends is? You remember the actress from Living Single, Kim Coles? Well, that's one of her best friends. And way back, how would she remember the story from way back then? This is what she told me a few days ago. She says, when she told us that Kim was her best friend, we didn't believe her. She she had she had on a blouse and she said, I got this shirt from my best friend Kim Coles. And apparently all of them were like, Yeah, right, liar, liar, whatever. She says, it was not until we saw Kim Coles wearing that shirt on television that we believed you. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Les I still have the time. It's it's it's time, Les.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

So give up the shirt, but not the letters. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Give up the shirt, but not the letters. Pass on the shirt. Gift someone. But it still fits and looks good. Okay. Okay. But it's been 30 years. It's served its time. It's time. It's time. Give up, you can't keep everything. Keep the letters.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Give up the old the older clothes. Okay. Yeah. I got it. I got it.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Because you're not going to give away something that's tattered. So give it away. It's still useful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Okay. All right, bet. James.

Final Thoughts And Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 33:01

All right. This has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Bye, guys.