Ep189 Four Supermarkets With A Bag Of Raw Chicken

She was in her fourth supermarket on a 105-degree day, carrying raw chicken store to store like it’s totally normal, all for the right dried peppers to make adobo. 

Turns out both of us Besties have obsessions. Listen to hear how we  navigate our differences with empathy, even if it's forced.  

Want behind the scenes content, Join us on Patreon at $5 or $10 level: 

https://patreon.com/user?u=83534204

Get Angie’s eBook: 

We’re Too Old for This! The Inquisitive Older Woman’s Guide to Joy http://joystrategy.co/ebook

IG: https://www.instagram.com/blackboomerbestiesfrombrooklyn

Visit our website www.blackboomerbesties.com

Transcript

Matching Looks Across Continents

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Hey Ange. Hey Les, how's it going? It's going well. Good. I see you biting. Look how we're dressed. You're biting. You're such a biter.

SPEAKER_04 0:14

No. Like we're like. Are we on the same continent? No. We're continents away. And look. We're continents away. Do you have a tie?

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Do you have a tie in the middle?

SPEAKER_04 0:25

No. No.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 0:26

But it's um, it's it's like the same rose pink. Look at that.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

And we're gonna be talking about how different we are. And here we are, trying to look like the Bobsy twins.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Hello there. I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free-thinking 60-something-year-old black women who have decided to make joy the intentional, the central part of how we move in this world, how we design our lives. And that often means breaking through some of the old habits, old beliefs, old dogma that we had previously lived under. Maybe even not so much, but it was um, they were things that we definitely had to break through. And so on our podcast, we talk about those things and listen, this is our space. This is too um happy, go lucky, uh, older black women. Please stay, subscribe, share. We're gonna be talking about how different we are, because I kind of laughed at something Leslie did, which to me was ridiculous, like ridiculous. Then she stopped me in my tracks. Mm-hmm. As I do. Yes, as she does often.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Ange,

Joy Is A Birthright With Work

SPEAKER_04 1:55

before we go into this different what what happened, I want to just go back to, you know, how when we open, you talk about how we threw aside some assumptions and whatever. I kind of think that we gloss over it a little bit too much. Okay. Because one of the I guess you would call our brand is that we're black women, we're from Brooklyn, and we're baby boomers, but by virtue of our demographics and and stuff, we really do some deep self-examination. And so much of the thinking and the growth that we compel our ourselves to do and expect of each other, it's hard. And I love the fact that as my sister Bestie, you kind of soften the blow for me so often with that, you make me a soft landing, but you don't make me, you don't allow me to avoid the hard parts.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

And at the end of it, I look back and say, wow, you know, I did that. You know, s a part of my personality, um, I I run toward avoidance before I want to go through it. And I think that I don't know what made me think of this right now, because it wasn't planned or anything, but when we talk about um finding joy, so much of my journey, I would say, over the last few years, I'm on a path to joy. I would say that I really see joy and experience a lot of moments of joy, but I've had a tough past few years. You know? And I'm not trying to get too woo-woo-woo about it, but I really want our listeners, people who, you know, have followed us and believe in the things, some of the things that we say, is that I really want you to settle in with yourself and have these conversations. It's not in a flippant way that we say this. We really mean what we're talking about. And we've given examples over the years, you know, you those of you who know us, of some of the hard things. I mean, you know me. I left a long, uh, a decades-long marriage and got into different things, and I endure, you know, um different vicissitudes in my life. But anyway, so I don't mean it in a quick way. We flip over it, but it's not something not to take seriously. We mean that for real. Joy is your birthright.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:53

But but it's not sitting on your shoulder. It might be, you might need to get up out of the chair and and reach for it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

And I like to say, um, you're co-creating it with God. You are co-creating. Um, there's so many points in in our faith tradition, which is Christianity, where the Bible talks about um um faith, faith without works and and kind of the the expectation of of of you to do. Um you sow, you reap, you all of these things that include you in the um the manifestation of the thing, right? Of the joy. You're part of it. It's not just the waiting and then joy will unfold. Right, right. It's um, as Leslie was saying, what is it that you're willing to do um first to figure out what joy means to you? What is what is joy to you, right? It doesn't have to be a few years.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

And admittedly, I too often want to wait for the joy to come to me.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Yeah. And then I'm waiting and waiting and waiting. Well, well, you know, I it's I I don't even think that you can say that about yourself anymore. I think that's the way that you were. That is a way that you were. I don't think that is a way that you are. And and one thing that I want to say, because it's something that I have had to get really clear about and push myself, is to acknowledge the work that you've done. Right. I think a part of that acknowledging the work that you've done, it releases people to say, I can do that work too. If they think it's magical, and if they think that, you know, you it's some special thing that you are or that you did, or how you were born and what you were born into that allows you to have to have access to this joy. Absolutely. And so I think it's important for you to acknowledge your growth, for each individual to acknowledge their growth. Not in a, you know, do I do I have to say, don't be cocky about it, don't act like you're better than other people, don't act like, you know, you just like snapped your fingers and here you are, and you're, you know, your God's favor is only on you. No. But you should, I think, talk about the fact that you have moved from there to here. Right? And it's not, and and and take all, take all of the mystery out of it. There's something that you had to do to get there, some way of thinking that you had to challenge, you know?

SPEAKER_04 7:31

Yeah. And and and remind yourself, because this is something that I and I'm speaking to myself on that, that you've done hard things. Yeah, that's right. So it's not elusive, doesn't have to be elusive. That's it. And I think that's it. That's that's what I thought about. So getting back to what we were gonna

The Four Supermarkets Pepper Hunt

SPEAKER_04 7:50

talk to you about. So here I am. Um it's on my very few days off, you know, because I work full-time. And Ange is like, what are you doing? So this we're on the phone, and it happens to be video call. Right. Yeah. It happened to be a 105-degree day. It was really hot, one of the recent heat waves that we've had. And I'm like, Ange, I'm going into my fourth supermarket of the day.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

What are you can I start? Can stop just one moment. Leslie loves shop. In crazy. I like supermarkets. Who likes supermarkets? Right? No, I'm not race. I want to know who likes supermarket shops.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

Like, I'm the type of person that if I need a list, I will go down every aisle.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

I don't know, I don't know. Me, I run in when I have to. When I only have water in my free.

SPEAKER_04 8:59

You're right.

SPEAKER_03 9:00

When my water is running out, or when my kombucha runs out, it's like, oh, I gotta go. I need coffee, peanuts, kombucha, maybe yogurt, and water.

SPEAKER_04 9:11

Leslie has every truffle oil, every mango, honey, whatever. Rick Ricardo recently cleaned out the fridge and he didn't say anything. He just said, and I'm like, you can see the back of the refrigerator. Like, I know you weren't gonna ever. So anyway, with that, okay, you're going to your supermarket. So I went into the supermarket. I'm like, Ange, this is the fourth store I'm going in. And you're like, what? And I'm like, I'm looking for these particular peppers because I'm following a recipe, which is something I love to do. Um, and I'm making this special adobo sauce. And I said, and it's so hot that the chicken that I bought two supermarkets ago, I have to carry into the store because it's too hot in the car to leave fresh chicken in the car.

unknown 10:12

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_04 10:13

And just like talking about I can't even speak. If you go in stores, I said, this is nobody has the peppers. I'm like, but you know, this is a Latin rec uh uh Latino um um neighborhood. So I know it's gonna be in one of these Spanish supermarkets. And you're like, what could you possibly be looking for? And what are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 10:40

You couldn't even get over it. I I want you to picture what I was seeing. She's getting out of her convertible. She has a bag of poultry. I'm taking poultry into a supermarket. Into a supermarket because she's looking for a specific type of pepper.

SPEAKER_04 11:02

It only sounds ridiculous when you say it like that.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

That's that's that's what it is.

SPEAKER_04 11:11

But I said, if you're looking for a particular taste, you have to one, I follow recipes almost to the, you know, to the to the hilt. But you it you you gotta stay true to the to the thing, to the thing, you know. So I gotta show you these peppers. And it's not, they're not crazy, you know. And then say you bought more than one. I said, yeah, they're dried peppers.

SPEAKER_03 11:35

The peppers aren't crazy. I'm not gonna go crazy.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

So the first ones I had to get were guajilo peppers, guajillo peppers, you know, and dried, beautiful guajillo peppers. You don't understand. You you look at your face, you still don't understand. So guajillo peppers, you know, and I carefully, because I don't like too much heat, I took the seeds out, and then the other one were um pastilla peppers. You guys probably recognize these peppers because these are the same peppers that Mexicans make mole sauce out of. So it has a little chocolatey, earthy. Oh my gosh. Wow, that's pretty nice. But okay, I digress. So wait, wait, I got the adobo, but I had it in the freezer, so I took it out just to show you all.

unknown 12:35

God, did it come out delicious?

SPEAKER_04 12:38

I marinated the adobo for over a day, and then I put it on the grill. So you may not be able to see it very well, but look at that, look at the richness. Look at that, look at that, look at that business. So, how do you not make that lusciousness without going into four stores to get in the exact same thing? Okay, so Ange thought I was so ridiculous, and then I said, but wait, Ange. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

So I'm thinking, I'm like, okay, but maybe she's having like a get-together or something.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

That's what she said.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Because it's around, you know, the Fourth of July, I think. Fourth of July. And I said, Oh, okay, she's making some some something special. She's right.

SPEAKER_04 13:25

No, you said like something you're like, well, when are you having? What time is your company coming? I'm like, I'm not having company.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

I cannot. What do you mean? What makes you think I'm having company? Wait, I can't. I'm like, what is it? First of all, Ange, who better than me? Les, you deserve the best. I thank you. I get that. You deserve the best. And I'm just saying peppers. I'm just saying what I'm not finna do is to run around just so I can make it in the kitchen and dirty up about 50 pots trying to and bowls and trying to make one meal, one negative egg meal. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

Wait. I did also tell you that I stopped at Kohl's and got the immersion blender because my I couldn't find my immersion blender. It must have been in storage. This is what I need. Four supermarkets and the department saw to get the handheld immersion blender because my real blender was just too big. But listen, you thought I was so like, how could you, whatever? And I said, I stopped you in your tracks. I said, and then you cut me. I cut you deep. If you were making a dress and needed just the right trim, you would go in four different fabric stores. I would go into twenty stuff.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

No diggity, no doubt for sure. I would go into 20. I would. I would do that over fabric or a trim or something.

SPEAKER_04 15:04

And then you would spend, stay up all night long putting it together. I would. For an occasion, for an outing? Not necessarily.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

No.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

Just because I had it in my head. Exactly. And and and it was at that moment that what what was originally seemed so, I'm not gonna say ridiculous to her, but it was like, how could you? I don't get it. And then it's like she understood immediately when we have a

Passion Makes Work Feel Light

SPEAKER_04 15:35

passion about something and when we get locked into something, it's not a lot of work. I mean, I drove all over town, you know, to make this um um adobo. Adobo chicken. And the funny thing was, I wouldn't make it again. It was okay, but it wasn't great. It wasn't like, but you, but but the process was was was great, and that I would do again. I do it all the time, you know, looking for particular ingredients. When I make things, I follow the recipe exactly, then I make comments on it, and then the subsequent times I'll change it. Or, you know, but um, but I stay true to the the recipe initially.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

I this is this is some of what I was thinking. You got time? This is what you have time for? You got time you you you don't you don't need you don't need rest. You don't need to, you know, your your schedule is crazy, and this is what and to be honest, when Leslie said, Ange, but if you were trying to make something, you would you would do the exact same thing.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

And if it were crochet, you would look for this that particular type of yarn. Absolutely. It's so it's Absolutely. So what it is, it's not the particular behaviors per se, but I think it's the passion around it and what feeds us. So I on my day off, I have no problem running around to do this because it's not a burden to me. Remember, we would stay up all night sewing outfits and doing stuff. Or you know what else we have a shared passion about that we would go decorating. Decorating. And putting painting a how uh an apartment or a house, putting stuff together, picking out lighting. I mean, you and I now, because I'm decorating the house, you and I sit on the phone looking at stuff, sending each other wallpaper. Hours, hours.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Yes. Yep. And just like you see the similar tops we had without any planning, yeah. So often we pick out, we're just looking for um etegairs for the living room. And in all of them that are out there in the world, we land on the same two.

SPEAKER_04 18:02

It's ridiculous, it's so crude.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

It's like, take a look at this. What do you think?

SPEAKER_04 18:06

That's it.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

What do you think? This you think this would work? And you picked it out already. It's funny because, you know, um because I'm in Panama, I use WhatsApp more. And Leslie, I'm not consistent with it because um uh even though I told her I would try to be consistent so she she wouldn't have to go back and forth with the same app. So I'd stayed up and put like six or seven or eight links to different styles that I liked in WhatsApp. And she had been sending me some in Messenger, and she didn't look at what I send her until I told her it was there, and vice versa. And we picked some of the same ones. It's really, really you're a copycat. I think you're a keeper. You a biter.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

So, so superficially we're different, but one, two levels down, you know, we we have the same passions for some of the same things, you know. And food, I mean, you you you and I feel so differently about food. We our food behaviors are so different. I'm not even sure where it comes from. You enjoy food, you you know, you appreciate when I cook for you or when your partner cooks for you or whatever. But you with food and cooking yourself, or even with eating on your own, it's like, meh, you know, did I eat today? I don't know. Like your refrigerator could be stone cold, empty. And it's like me, I would be like twitching and panicky if my refrigerator were empty.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

It's I think what really hit me is how how okay I was with um, and I'll say judging, it's not really judging, it's a little really little J. I'm I made some um I I had some really strong opinions about your choices when it was around what you had passions for, right? Like, Les, go go go go lay down somewhere. Go go get some rest. This is you know what I mean. I had some really strong opinions about don't waste your time on that, on pillows. Right. What I thought you needed more than looking for this freaking whatever special pepper. I wouldn't even taste the difference. Um but when

A Real-Time Lesson In Empathy

SPEAKER_03 20:35

I I guess is that what empathy is all about when you can put yourself into someone else's shoes? Is that what happened?

SPEAKER_04 20:42

I think it was a moment of empathy, yeah. Yeah, but forced. Forced empathy. It didn't come naturally, like pulled that shit out of you. Does that matter? Does that really matter where it comes from? It's not as we landed right here.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 21:03

You're trying to get all like, see, I was empathetic. And it's like, no, I didn't get that empathy out of you.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

Like, um, yeah, so I don't know.

Stereotypes, Politics, And Seeking Similarity

SPEAKER_03 21:20

There's a lesson in this for somebody about how quickly we we we jump to conclusions and make grand statements about and they're so different and this and that.

SPEAKER_04 21:32

I'm gonna pull this out of for, but racism is like that. Is it? Tell me more. Racism is like that in in and and stereotypes where we superficially look at a situation or a person or a culture and assume it's so different from us. Or, you know, you can look at it in po in politics also. You know, we look and and and we first note differences.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:59

And then And when we take a step back, we start seeing similarities. And that's where empathy comes from. Yeah. So maybe Okay, Les. Okay, Dr. Les. Maybe if we took a step back instead of noting differences, we made it a one we were a little bit more observant. But if we just took a pause and took a step back and and started seeking out similarity and um cohesion and and and things like that, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:34

You know?

SPEAKER_03 22:35

Okay. I I I think you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

Wow, I think that's another homework assignment. Well, it might Yeah, but I think it does start with being mindful of it, you know. You know, and and wanting to notice.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

Yeah, I think you're right.

SPEAKER_04 22:53

That part. That part, yeah, we're gonna want to notice. So be kinder to me when I'm in my fifth supermarket for the day.

unknown 23:00

I could I could I could I could never.

SPEAKER_03 23:03

I could never, but I could. I really um the the the next time we talk, I'll um I'll show you guys um I've gotten into um embroidery again because it's something that my mother used to do. My mother did a lot of um handwork. She learned it and then she would teach it in communities that she um worked in in across the island of Jamaica. And um, and I decided to pick it up again in while I'm here. And I learned a few things about that. And we'll talk about it next time, but it's it's the kind of um, you know, um Leslie and I always take something that is on the surface and go deeper. It's it's why this podcast is in place because we found ourselves doing that all the time. And we're like, we should be talking about this. And then I was like, Les, can we talk about it on a podcast? So uh so um yeah, we'll talk about that next time. But yeah, I just the thing about this that made me really want to bring it here is how quickly I flipped. You know, all of that kind of what in the world?

SPEAKER_02 24:18

I can't believe she's doing this. It's a hundred and something degrees. What are you taking, chicken? You're taking chicken.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

That was cardiac kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

I'm like, what are you, but but what what what choice did you have to come back and then wonder whether the chicken was still good? Right, right. Do you know what I mean? It it was required, but I could not until you like arrested me. And I made sure like I had the receipt.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

I'm walking around with that chicken.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

I remember that.

SPEAKER_04 24:58

Oh my god, you see, I did think of that. See, that's that's some of what you let go of when you when you go abroad, is this idea that of like people are watching you and thinking, all right, I gotta let that go. Got the receipt. This is my chicken, people, my raw chicken. Oh my god. Okay, you see, we're we're yeah. Anyway, this has been another.

Apology, Takeaways, And Goodbye

SPEAKER_04 25:31

Well, were you gonna say more about are you repentant? You've seen the light now. I'm sorry. You've never apologized. There you go. That's what I was waiting for. I'm sorry, Les. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

I'm sorry, because I really went there. I was like, she has lost her ever-loving mind. She has lost her mind. But I see my friend is gone. The heat must have got you. I was flummoxed.

SPEAKER_04 25:58

I love it. All right, this has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn. Brooklyn!