The Heartache Prevention Question?

Wouldn’t it be great if the men you dated came with little WARNING stickers? Well, you’re in luck, because they actually do!

As a love coach to women around the globe, failing to spot red flags (and checkered ones!) on first and second dates, is the single biggest mistake most single women make.

Clues that say, "I'm not trustworthy. I'm not accountable. I am NEVER getting married. I'll just wind up cheating on you, leaving you, and swiping your duvet." (I am so not kidding!) Luckily, all of this is remedied by getting effective Manhandling Intel under your garter belt!

Today's Heartache Prevention Podcast will show you how to spot HIS problems before they become YOUR problems.

YOUR MISSION:  Check out my Manhandling Video & Heartache Prevention Podcast below...

So go forth and 'Get Flocked' with suitors, my lady, and have fun finding your very own, and very lucky lovebird!

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Email us! You can get in touch with the me, ask questions and give your feedback at Lauren@laurenfrances.com

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Join our next in-person Love Magnet Retreat in Los Angeles at the Roosevelt Hotel & in Miami at the Nobu Hotel! – Claim Your Spot Today at https://www.laurenfrances.com/pages/the-love-magnet-makeover-3

Transcript

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Hi. Good evening, ladies. This is Lauren Frances. And I'm so delighted that you're joining me for tonight's heartache prevention tele class. And it is spring, and I know that spring fever has overtaken many of you. And if it hasn't, I certainly hope that you get ignited with some spring fever tonight. And we are going to be doing some calls in the upcoming weeks ahead. Next week we will be doing another free call, which will be about unhexing your heart and the serious buzzkills to romance. Tonight's call is about what men really want from women. And as I said, no, it's not just sex. Although sex definitely can help. Tonight on our tele class, I'm going to teach you a very powerful manhandling secret. And I'm going to teach you what actually creates and inspires men to step up to long term partnership and marriage commitment with women. So this manhandling intel is going to unlock the mating mysteries of the more rumpled sex, which are men. Why do men partner with certain women? Why do they run from others? This is what I call the $64 million question. It's confusing to women in Milan and Paris and even Des Moines and certainly right here in Los Angeles. And I really believe that it is the key that can unlock a man's heart that will allow you to get into what I call the inner emotional castle of his soul and allow him to put down the drawbridge and invite you all the way into his inner sanctum. It also will explain to you why even though you might be completely seductive, fetching, have amazing lingerie, have taught his children Spanish, have organized his cupboards, cooked amazing meals, been there when he was sick, helped his mother when she was dying. It is also the reason why he can actually not step up and ultimately partner you. So this is a very important piece of coaching. It is kind of almost like the crown jewel of my partnership paradigm program from Legendary Love. And it's going to explain to you why you've been in unworkable relationships, why you've been in marriages. You know, I've taught this coaching to women who have literally said to me, oh, my God, I finally understand why I got divorced, or, oh, my God, I understand why I could never get him to marry me. So this coaching, I call it this $64 million question because it is your time, your heart, your ability to create love, to really manifest your vision of love in the world and receive the love that you so richly deserve. Can't happen if you're barking up the wrong Tree. It's kind of like if you're going to the hardware store for milk and not for a hammer or a screw, for that matter. And then we're also going to talk about not only about what men really want from women. Right. It's going to enable you, once you get coaching, to understand if you can get what you really need from. From men. Okay. Sound good? And this is really going to help you, as I said, stop wasting your time on unworkable relationships that will never work out. Now, what I do want to tell you, a lot of coaching sometimes sounds really awesome from the woman's point of view, but it doesn't necessarily work for men. So the thing is, since we're trying to coach you into really what I call bodice ripping romances and legendary loves that last forever, the coaching that you're doing has got to work for the men that you're dealing with. And, you know, your results are your guru. So I want to make sure that you're getting manhandling tools that have been thoroughly road tested. And, you know, all the work that I share with you certainly has. And the coaching I'm going to share with you when I share this theory with men. I was actually out at a dinner party last night and I shared this theory and I had literally six men in my for all. And every time I share this theory with men, they say, oh, my God, that's completely true. And then they basically defend. So tonight, we're going to show you what is going to drive the male romantic selection process when men are out on dates with you, what they need from a romantic partnership to feel like they finally met the queen of their hearts, and most importantly, what kind of manhandling that they require from you to make certain that they found their legendary love. So I just want you to sit back and relax because tonight's call is going to change the way that you think about mental health, the way that you show up for dates, and it's going to enable you to understand why men are showing up for you in your romantic relationships. So it's going to up level your romantic results in the field. Okay? So I call this the Jerry Maguire theory of love. And you know, I don't know if you've all watched Jerry Maguire, but it was really interesting. I watched that movie and all of a sudden I went, eureka. This is exactly why men partner. And Jerry Maguire is literally like Cinderella for dudes. It completely explains why they partner and what it takes for them to really fall magically and irrevocably in love. I'm also going to explain to you how to kind of apply this principle to your own romantic courtships and to be able to see quickly what it really takes for the man that you're with to feel, well, partnered. Because, truthfully, if the man doesn't feel profoundly partnered, he's not going to profoundly partner you. It's a transaction. In Jerry Maguire, if you've seen the movie, and if you haven't, I'd love for you to watch it and rent it. Jerry Maguire is a sports agent. Jerry Maguire has a mission to be the best sports agent in the world. And at the very beginning of the movie, he literally gets totally bushwhacked by a fellow employee. He loses his job, his mind is blown, and he goes to the woman that he is madly in love with for solace and for comfort. And instead of comforting him, she literally calls him a loser and she socks him in the nose. And that moment is when Jerry really loses faith in love. That's when his heart gets broken. That's when the blush gets removed from the rose, and he becomes jaded and he becomes heartened. And there is a moment for a lot of men where they do lose faith and belief in love. Men who have been married and divorced, men who have been crushed by romance really have. They harden up, they get protected, they draw within themselves, and they start objectifying and sexualizing women instead of really being open and vulnerable with them. It makes him stop wanting to protect and care for the women in their lives. And so that moment when she called him a loser and socked him in the nose was the moment that he realized that the woman that he was with just loved him for his stuff and for who he was in the world and what he could provide for her, but not for who he was. Okay. And the truth is, men are people too. I know sometimes it can be hard to believe they have very soft, squishy feelings. And I often say that men are more fragile and tender when it comes to falling in love with women than women are, even with men. And when men fall in love with women, which happens really, maybe really, truly, once or twice in a lifetime, for most men, they fall like huge redwoods in the forest. And that Keisha song I'm yelling timber makes me laugh, because that's actually what it's like when a man falls madly and irrevocably in love. And this happens all of the time to the women that I work with. Men are constantly sending me thank you notes about how profoundly in love They've fallen with their lady loves. So Jerry Maguire not only has fallen in love, he's also now fallen in status. And now his faith and belief in love has really become dashed. And that happens literally within the first 10 minutes of the movie. So he leaves that crushing experience from his now ex fiance and he goes onto the floor of the main office of his sports agency and he says, screw it, I'm going to start my own agency. Who will come with me? And it's crickets. Nobody wants to go with Jerry. They look at him like he's stark raving mad. Except there's a little voice in the back of the room. It's Renee Zelliger. And she says, I will, I will Jerry. And she has been his secretary. And she literally packs up her typewriter and her fishbowl and she follows Jerry out into the wild. Now I know that this sounds like it's going to go into a very sexist, quote unquote place, like why should I have to support my man? But this coaching gets very deep and very specific. So I want you to hang in there with me because I don't believe that women should just support men to their own detriment. And I'm going to explain to you how this partnership paradigm should work towards the middle of our call. So she follows him, she says, I will support you, I will come with you. And she leaves and they set up shop. And it's really difficult for him and his business is really tough. And she believes in him when he does not believe in himself. She's very comfortable supporting him. And I believe that a man will naturally support a woman's relationship goals if she's supporting his mission. Now a man's mission is self defined. It is something that he selects for himself. It can be something that's been asked of from him by a parent or some other person in his life. But it is a self determined choice and it's not always the thing that he does. I've had a client whose husband's mission was to chill. He had a huge job and literally she couldn't get him off the couch when he came home. He liked to drink a beer, he liked to go fishing, he liked to watch tv. She went crazy. So even though he had a big job, his main raison d' et was to relax. There are other men who have a mission to be right. No matter what happens, they are constantly competing with you and they need to be right. The moment they feel like they're in a make wrong, they have to Top you. It's a very tough partnership paradigm. It's a hard mission to support. So at any rate, Gerry's mission is to be a great sports agent. She's supporting it and she's got a little boy and he thinks, wow, she's a great girl, I love a little boy, starts spending time with a boy, it's like, okay, well maybe I should marry her. Because men, and if you've ever wondered why certain men just marry certain women that, you know, they're not the most beautiful women in the room, but you know, they've got these men wrapped around their fingers. You know, she's supporting his mission in a way that's profound for him. So he does marry her. Unfortunately, he is not really emotionally open. He hasn't really gotten over his emotional shutdown from his horrible fiance. And so it's kind of a loveless marriage. It's not really an authentic partnership. And a lot of women have been in these kinds of relationships where it's more transactional, where the woman's showing up and giving the man what he needs and he's kind of providing, but there's not a lot of emotional intimacy. That is not a legendary love dynamic. That is a transactional partnership paradigm. And these are relationships where often one or both its partners winds up becoming disenchanted, wanting to leave, possibly cheating, and there's a lot of dissatisfaction. So in the movie, what happens is Rene Zellweger realizes that it's not a love match, it's really more of a transactional match. And she's got the self esteem to actually say to him, you know, I care about you, you care about me, but I deserve more and so do you. And she bows out. Now I always say, if you're going to break up with a man, do it in a low cut top. You want to be as attractive as possible and just really give him something to think about. And also if you want the relationship back, you don't want to lock the door behind you. You'd like it to be more of like a saloon door that kind of swings open and closed going both ways. She also does something which is really awesome, which is she doesn't blame him for her bad decisions. She didn't say to him, I followed you, I had a job that had benefits and I'm a single mother and now I've got no job and they can't take me. She didn't guilt him. She took 100% responsibility for the fact that she left. She went into the unknown with him. And it just really didn't work out. And she didn't do a makewrong with him. Men really appreciate when women don't blame them for your bad choices. You will actually wind up having the man feel much more guilty and much more respectful of you, especially if you want the relationship to continue. And actually in my book, dating, mating and manhandling, I do talk about how to give a swan song to a man. So she lets her go. He doesn't fight for her, and she backs away. And he goes on and he has huge success with his business. Huge satisfaction. And she goes and literally like weeps all over her sister. There's a woman's group that meets in her sister's house. They make fun of like girl groups. This is why men love this movie. It's like literally like Cinderella, as I said, for dudes. And what happens is he goes out and he tries to seek satisfaction just in being a success in the world. And what happens is he realizes that it's empty. Because the truth is that even a king is lonely in his castle all by himself. And the kind of mission that Jerry has really can provide for a wife. Some men have missions where it doesn't really support them to have a long term relationship. One could say that Tommy Lee does not have a mission. Being a rock star and having a reputation as a Coxman would not be a mission that even Pamela Lee could not keep him on the straight and narrow. So Jerry Maguire's mission really could provide for family and children. And he wanted that kind of relatedness. And he loved her little boy and he loved his fiance. He was just not opening his heart. And so all of a sudden he looks around and he was like, wow, I'm alone. And all of a sudden the dime drops and he gets it and he runs back and knocks on the door. And I do want to say this happens regularly with the women I coach. Often I call it resurrecting the pterodactyl. If you really set a, a hard limit about loving the person but not liking the relationship that you're in and stepping back from the relationship really and removing all contact with them, it can give them a moment to decide whether or not they want you and whether or not they want to show up for the kind of partnership you're taking a stand for. Now, I did talk about the $64 million question. And basically that $64 million question really is when you're with men, how to find out what their mission is. But what happens is he runs back, he Knocks on the door, she opens it up and he starts to profess his love. And she says to him, you had me and hello. But the truth is that she got him. She had him at goodbye. The moment that she was willing to say no to a relationship form that wasn't truly satisfying. The moment that she said that she wasn't willing to be in a relationship that was really loveless and that was transactional and that she was willing to actually forego being with him because it was really beneath her and him. It allowed him the space to really fall in love. And I often feel and coach women that men do fall in love when they're in the privacy of their own man caves. They don't really fall in love when they're with you. They fall in love after the experience, when they can think about it, when they're not feeling pressured, when they have a moment for the dime to drop. And when date make the decision to really embrace you and to really fall in love with you, they literally talk themselves into it. And then once they do, it's very hard to talk them out of it. You really have to be such a wrong fit. And things have to go so terribly wrong once a man's truly fallen madly in love with you to really discourage his efforts. So they walk off into romantic rom com destiny. And this movie really is such a beautiful description of why men need to partner. Now the truth is that men don't need tons of things from women. They don't need you to provide everything. They do really need this thing. They need to feel like the woman that they're with really has their back about the thing that's the most important to them. And this is why you can get into incredible battles with men, because you can think, wow, I'm having sex with him regularly, I'm taking care of his children, I'm working and coming home and making dinner. And honestly, if you're not supporting him in the way that he needs to be supported, all of that other stuff is not going to make a lot of difference. The way that you can find out how to discover what a man's mission is is not necessarily straightforward. But sometimes it really can be. And it can be done in the 64 million dollar question, which is, and it doesn't matter if you've been with him for nine years or nine seconds. Actually I would wait about 19 minutes before you ask this question if somebody knew. But if you say to a man while you're sipping an apple martini and you can do this on a Second date. You can even do it on a first date if you say to him, so Mark, what is it that you're the most passionate about creating in your life? What if you feel like you don't really fully express it or live it? What would be that one thing that if it doesn't really completely happen in your life, you'll feel like your life has been really not fulfilled. And you can say, you know, what is your mission in life? But a lot of times men will interpret that as what they're doing with work. So instead you could say, you know, what is the thing that gives you the most profound fulfillment? What is it? You know, that if you don't really feel like it's really expressed in your life, you'll feel like, wow, I didn't really have a full and well lived life. And what will happen is men will stop, they'll kind of cock their head and then they will tell you something that's completely amazing. So there's a man, Rocco, who works for a massive corporation. I was out to dinner with him and he's at sea level, so he's chairman, massive, massive, massive company. And I said to him, so what is the thing that's most important to you? And he said to me, well, I actually used to just want to completely dominate it. Now will also, I'm going to give you a caveat that men all have one specific mission at a time and everything else is a near to distant second. But there are times when a man can change mission so some life altering event can happen. Maybe there's a death or he experiences a near death experience, or maybe one whole phase of his life ends and another phase of life begins. Sometimes it's divorce, a traumatic event and then men can literally switch focus. So for Rocco, he had become a chairman of a huge, massive company. And he said, you know, my mission was to crush the competition and destroy everyone that was in my wake. But he said, you know, that got boring. And he said, honestly, it's really about the pursuit of excellence. I like the most fantastic wines, he likes the most fantastic women, the most fantastic art, and his pursuit is inventing the most incredible products and foods as well as having the most excellent experience of life. So he's got the best boat, the best plane, he's around the best women and so his whole thing is excellent. I had another experience. I was in the think tank for the X prize and it's 200 people to get invited from all around the world to come up with prizes that get funded by Microsoft and Google and Richard Branson's rocket ship to the moon was built and funded from an X Prize. And I was in a think tank pod with James Cameron, Jim Cameron, who was the director of Avatar and Titanic. And so he's a romantic and he kind of crossed his arms and everybody has to stand up and share what they do. And Rakan Tata was there, who owns half of India, very serious people. And I stood up and said I was a love coach. And I do have to say people found that to be the most fascinating profession of almost all of the people that were acting X Prize. And I will say that men have vetted this theory about why they partner. He said, so. And he crossed his arms and looked down at me because he's about 6 foot 9. And he said, so what's your shtick? Which was not the nicest or most respectful way to ask me this question. But I did look up at him and I said, well, Jim, I believe that all men have a mission to share with the world and they partner women who support them in that mission and they remove women who don't. No matter how much alimony it's going to cost them, no matter how much they love having sex with her and bedding her, they will remove her. And he said, that is absolutely correct. He said, you know, my mission is to be an explorer. Now you wouldn't think that James Cameron's mission was to be an explorer, but it is. And he said, you know, I built the biggest 3D movie, I've done the biggest movies of all time, and I am now building a submarine that's going to go down to the deepest depths of the ocean and I could actually be crushed to death. And it's true, he's very into deep sea exploration. And he said to me, and my wife came to me and she said, you know, I almost asked you to not go on this dive and on this mission because he could die, like literally she could lose him. And she said, but then I remembered what you told me before we married. And basically he asked her, he said, I'll marry you as long as you never stop me from exploring. And that was the deal that they created and that they struck between them. And in fact, she didn't stop him on the mission and he did take the dive and happily he didn't die because in fact, he could have been crushed to death. And that is a beautiful example of why men marry and why men stay married. So what I want to share with you is, and what I'd like You to do as just like a little moment's thought check is to think about your last major relationship and why it ended. Now, the truth is that often women marry men who are doing certain kinds of careers that seem really exciting and fun. Like, maybe he's a musician, or maybe he's, you know, the chairman of the board of a huge corporation. I had a client who called me in a state because her husband, who was a film director, was on location and basically had cheated on her. And it was very public, and she was really devastated. And she called me in a state, and basically I said to her, you know, I'm so sorry to hear this. I said to her, you know, why aren't you on location with your husband? And she said, well, what do you mean? And I said, well, why have you been with him? Did he cheat while you were with him? And she was like, no, I've got three children. And I said, well, okay, but why aren't you. Why aren't you all with him? How long have you been been on location? And she said, about nine months. And, you know, he flies back occasionally, and we've gone out once. And I said to her, well, I have a question for you. Why aren't you homeschooling? Why aren't you with him? And she said, well, you know, I don't want to be disruptive to my children, and, you know, that's not fair to them. And I said, well, truthfully, it's not really fair to your husband. I said, did you know when you married him that he wanted to be a director? She said, yes. Actually, we met in film school, and I was an editor on some of his student films. And so she had been an editor on some of his student films. She'd also acted in some of his films and read all of his scripts. So she'd been very involved. She knew what the job requirement was. She knew what his passion was. And I could see why he passionately wanted to partner her like she was completely. And they had amazing sex. So their sex life had been great. And so I said to her, you know, if in fact your husband's a director, what's happening is you are blocking his ability to really parent his children. And knowing that this is his mission and this is what he does, he can't stop working. I think if you want to save your marriage, you really need to get on a plane and go and see him and bring your family and stay with him and fight for your marriage. She said something not lovely and got off the phone she felt that it was being very unfair and didn't really understand and kind of got off the phone. And then she did call me back an hour later. She calmed down and she said, okay, you're right. What do I have to do? And I basically said to her, you need to go and you need to tell him you're coming and that you love him. And she arrived and she basically apologized for her lack of partnership and her lack of support and that she really took responsibility for keeping the situation of his work, about not really bridging for him and creating solutions for him about how to accomplish his work mission and also to stay connected to his children and to continue parenting his children and really to continue being a husband to her. And they got together, and that woman that he was having an affair with was quickly fired and dismissed. And they are together to this day. When you understand what a man's mission is, it's a kind of big responsibility because you need to be willing to partner him in the way that he needs to be partnered so that he can accomplish what he needs to accomplish. Let's say, for example, you were married to a detective. If you got hysterical every time he went out into the field, he couldn't stay married to you. He couldn't be upset, worrying and wondering if you were freaking out about him while he was gone. He needs a wife who could say, okay, babe, I'm going to put some chicken parm in the fridge. Just throw it in the microwave when you get home. Right now, if you can't partner that man's mission, if you're going to freak out every time he goes off into the field. And quite frankly, it would be very hard to partner somebody who is going and putting themselves in the line of duty. But soldiers, wives do this all of the time. Only you can decide what it is that you can partner. But whatever that thing is, whatever his core mission is, it's something that's determined by him, and it can't be changed by you, no matter how much crying you do, no matter how much arguing you do, no matter how much withholding you do. So all you can do is find out what this thing is, and then you get to decide if you can support it for the rest of your life without complaint. And if you can't, I don't want you staying with that man because you will not get the fulfillment that you want and the love and the appreciation that you want from him. And you won't be able to partner him in a way that makes him feel loved okay. And this is why you can look at people and go, wow, all she does is xyz, and he gives her everything. But the XYZ that she's giving him is the everything that he needs. Now, there are a lot of other pieces to this coaching, and I am going to be doing a live workshop on May 30th and June 1st and 2nd in Los Angeles called the Legendary Love Weekend Workshop. What this weekend workshop does is it really kind of fleshes out how to create a partnership paradigm with men that allows them to really feel like you're the queen of their hearts and how to create a love language with men and how to also get your needs met by men. And it also is going to talk about how to stop doing things that kind of drive men away, like a lot of women have. And men have hidden, negative, unconscious blocks, their behaviors or negative expectations that actually don't create happiness. And so if you keep pulling in the same man over and over again, even though he's wearing different shoes, and I would say sometimes it's very common that people will pull in somebody, you know, Mr. Wrong. But if you keep pulling in Mr. Wrong, something isn't right. And so I really want to make sure that you all have the ability to date successfully, to vet men for partnership potential very quickly, because as my lovely friend Andrea Abbott said, I'd rather get thrown out of the car going 10 miles an hour than 60 miles per hour. Right. So once you're down the road with people, once you've bedded them, and this is also the case for not having sex too quickly. You know, oxytocin, which is the cuddle hormone, is definitely something that bonds women to men through sex. So I'm interested in you, if you're single right now, really finding out answers to really important compatibility coordinates before you actually go undercover. And if you are currently in a romantic relationship, these manhandling tools and these communication skills are going to completely crack open his heart. And it will also allow you to see if you are capable of truly creating a profound partnership. And I have had women who have been on the brink, as I said, of divorce. I have had women who have even been divorced reboot their romantic relationships with men that were completely dead. They looked like it was just completely done buried. And the fact that, you know, like the director's wife, when she went back and she apologized, she said, you know, and he did not expect it because he cheated, and he had blown her mind, okay? But for her to take responsibility for looking at that man going Oh, I knew what I married. And I have set up a situation where he felt guilty about really making a demand for having his family with him. And, you know, she created a situation where there was too much distance, too much space, and, you know, there was an opportunity for the people to come wandering in. Okay. And for him to get more support. And if his mission is to be the most awesome director in the world, then the truth is that somebody else is on the set helping him accomplish that mission. Right? So that is a big, whopping piece of coaching. So if this coaching has kind of really blown your mind and the dime has dropped, I want you to go, hell, yeah. Good stuff. Okay? So finding out what a man's mission is is so important. It's so vital. It's vital because you're going to need to understand what is the most important thing to him and if you can actually support it and sign up for it. Now, a lot of men have a mission that's not compatible with your relationship goals. I'm going to tell you a story about this. I have a lovely client named Ari, and she called me, and she was living in Australia, and I want to tell you that Ari is now a successful man magnet. And she did something called my Man Magnet Makeover, which is for online dating. And if any of you are single and aren't finding the love you seek, I would love to have you give us a call about the Man Magnet Makeover. And this is a program where we really turn you into a romantic lifestyle brand and launch you in cyberspace. And she's now found a fantastic partner that she's currently dating after being online. She called me at that time because she was in Australia and she had dated somebody and they were both in grad school. They were both in grad school, and everything had been fantastic. Okay? It had gone along swimmingly. They were both in grad school for two different reasons. He wanted to do water conservation and preservation, and she was working with special needs children. So what happened was it was nearing graduation, and all of a sudden, her formerly fabulous boyfriend suddenly got very cold and behaved as somebody who was not really interested in the relationship and not really excited about it. And she started freaking out because he started pulling back, and she did not know what to make of this. And what happened was, in a panic, she called me and I said to her, okay, so let me ask you a question. Everything was perfect. And she said, yes. And I said, okay, now you're nearing the end of school. You're going to. And what was his mission again. And she said, you know, his mission is this water conservancy. And I said, well, is he going to be going into the outback? She's like, oh, yeah. He goes out into the middle of the jungle or the desert and he wants to go to Africa and build wells, which is a completely noble mission. And the truth is she could really get behind that. She's a very service oriented person. They said, her sweetheart, okay, she looks like a supermodel. She's like a sexy blonde. She's actually on my man magnet sales page. And I said to her, you know, you want to have children. He knows that, right? And she's like, yes. And I said, and you look like you should be at a high end resort, not in the outback. She's like, well. And she said, I like being outdoors. I said, have you gone out with him into the wilderness? She was like, yes. And I said, can you imagine bringing your little cubs into the outback? Can you imagine that that would be really hard for him to put together in his mind having all, you know, just starting this career and then worried about being worried about your safety and about a newborn safety. And she's like, oh. And I said, I'd really, you know, like to make sure that this is actually the problem. So can you ask him? Can you say, darling, you know, I know that, you know, this is your mission is to save the world's water. And, you know, are you worried about moving forward because of, you know, my relationship goals? Wanted to have children. Yes. I can't, you know, I just can't see it. I just can't see it. And she really got that his mission was not going to be compatible with what she wanted and she was able to let him go. Now there is a love language that you can create with men. And during my weekend workshop, you are going to be getting a lot of coaching on how to create. Once you know what a man's mission is, you're going to get a lot of coaching on how to really support it, encourage it, and then see if it's compatible with your relationship goals. And you're also going to get a lot of tools on how to do what I call unhexing your heart and unlocking the door to love. It's called the legendary love Workshop Invitation what the weekend is going to do. It's a very small program. I max out at 50 and we already are almost sold out. We did a little news blast about it, so if you're interested, please let us know. There's Also going to be another program that we're doing in August. It's a live event and it's an intensive. And in it, we are going to create a partnership dynamic for you. So if you've constantly been in relationships, it keeps fizzing out, or if you keep pulling the wrong people in, we want to kind of unhex your heart. We want to look at those, as I said, unconscious blocks, love. And we want to show you what your very own legendary love dynamic is. Because it's so funny. I talk about in my coaching, there's what I call the perfect, on paper prince. He's the guy that's got everything right on the outside, but it doesn't scratch your itch, it doesn't flip your switch. There's a reason for that, and that's because there's a special dynamic that each person has and a special need that each person has that makes them feel profoundly fulfilled in relationships. And when you're going on a manhunt, if you don't really know what your vision of love is, and if you don't know what that special secret sauce is, that special X factor is for you, then you can wind up with guys who are perfectly lovely. But it's never going to be the legendary love thing. And also, conversely, you want to know what that thing is and how to determine it in your partner so that you can truly satisfy them. And if it's not a match, you want to know how to push away and go and find it in another partner. So if you're interested in talking with us about the program and want to find out more about it, please email us and we will schedule a time for you to hop on the phone with me. Also, there is an application for the program to make sure that it's a great fit for you. Okay, so I'm going to get back to answering some romantic questions. We had a couple of awesome questions, and this one is coming from turning it into a basket case in Jersey. Okay. I'm also from Jersey, so I had to go to this one first. Okay. Two weeks ago, Mr. C entered the picture. He's incredibly sweet, a truly good man, and it's funny. He's not perfect by any means. And we have some practical issues like schedule and distance to deal with, but we hit it off. I'm attracted, he's attracted. We laugh a lot, we want the same things. And I sense that he's truly a respectable and respectful guy. Good. Right? The only problem is that when I start to like a guy, two Things happen. Number one, I'm not particularly confident to begin with, but when I'm around a guy I like, I lose my footing a bit and I often can't think of what to say. I have some of this I'm not good enough going through my head. And then when we're not together, I overanalyze his contact frequency and what he thinks of me, etc. It's maddening. I'm not the clever, strong, sweet, witty girl. It's so much easier to be when I'm not so into the guy. I'm not a total and complete mess with him, but this is really driving me nuts. The second thing that happens is, and it's making it worse, is that when I like someone, I just automatically lose interest in other guys. It's just gone to boot. I almost feel disloyal talking to someone else at this point. Understandable in a committed relationship, but not three dates in. And especially when she said that she's not in anything official because she puts too much weight on one man and she ends up stressed out and feeling awkward. It's painful and distracting for me. And of course I don't want this to come across to him. So what do I do? How do I keep from turning into a weird, awkward mess and potentially ruining something good? Okay, so I love this question. Now, the reality is that I'm going to answer the second part first. Truthfully, even the most experienced flirter will often dissolve into, like, a little puddle when she's around somebody. That's completely awesome. I met Jon Hamm once, and, you know, I literally stopped being able to speak English. And so when you're around really attractive men, sometimes it just throws you into a very adolescent kind of like, oh, my God feeling. Now that's kind of cute. And sometimes when you're out on dates with men, if you're getting a little shy, I do have a lot of things that you can do and not. And truthfully, if you put the focus on other people and stop worrying about the size of your thighs and what they think about you, things will go much better. So the very first thing that you can do with men is to compliment them. And the truth is, men love approval in the bird kingdom. If you've ever wondered why peacocks have so many eyes on their tails, it's because those eyes actually hypnotize peahens. It distracts them so that they can lunge at her. So truthfully, it's really so they can get some peahen love. And all men are really seeking for from women, truthfully, on first dates especially, is approval. Do you approve of them? Are you excited about them? And I just have a client who I love, Susan, who's now dating her butt off. And she's a man magnet, but she was going out on dates and she'd done the man magnet. And all of a sudden, where she'd gotten no attention before, her inbox was flooded with responses and she was going out on dates. She was going out on a lot of first dates, but they weren't turning into second dates. And I said to her, well, darling, what's happening on these dates? And she said, well, they just keep trying to impress me. They kind of brag about their boats and their cars and their motorcycles, you know. And I said, well, what do you do when they do that? She said, well, you know, I just go, uh huh. And I said, well, I think I know what the problem is. You need to be excited. And she was like, well, aren't they conceited? And I said to her, no, they're not being conceited. What they're trying to do is they're trying to see if they can fill your bill. The truth is that men want women that like them. Maybe they've got a point. So men. And also it might be why they like dating younger women who are easily impressed, but that's only a theory. So when you go out with men, I call it tossing men a crumb. And when you're walking down the street, even I always believe that it's good to break the ice with men first. It's always okay to toss them in a crumb of approval. And you can do this when you walk in on a first date. If you've got a first date from online dating, even if you're writing to them online in cyberspace, if you go, nice tie, nice hat, if you walk in and go, oh, nice watch, and then smile, right? Immediately they calm down. Because men who are attracted to you want to know that they can please you. Okay? And I'm going to go into a lot more about this on future calls, but it's very important to approve of men. So one thing that you can do to stop feeling like an awkward mess when you're out with men is to just be focused and impressed with them. And if they say, wow, is that a boat and. And nine cars, I put my kids through college working two jobs. If you can mirror back to them, wow, what a dedicated father. What an amazing value system. Oh my God, I'm going to Call you Speed Racer. They will puff out their chest and they'll feel good around you. They'll feel like whatever they've got to offer is enough for you. Now you can always decide to not date them afterwards. Just because you're nice to people doesn't mean you have to date them. So that's a whole different topic. I'm going to go to the first part of this where she says that basically when she goes out with men, even if it's on a third date, she'll feel disloyal for dating other people. Now the truth is that there is something genetic about men and women. That is true. And men were hunters and women were gatherers and men are genetically predisposed to go on a hunt. And that's why we like a fun, flirtatious chase. You want them chasing you. You want to magnetize attraction. You don't want to hunt men down, right? You don't want to go on a safari for your boyfriend. You know, you want to flirt with them. You want to give them enough inspiration to pursue you and win and woo you. But you don't want to feel like you're chasing men. And the most alpha woman in the world really, when she comes home, wants to feel like she can stop working, right? You're tired. You people work hard and you put out a lot of energy. You're single moms, you're self supporting. You're if you're not single moms, you're, you know, working women that have, you know, a lot on your plate. And wouldn't it be nice to have a man that was like, you know, I always say you want a man that's like a self walking dog. Men basically do know what they're supposed to do. If they're not doing it, it's because they're choosing not to do it. So they know how to court you. They know they're supposed to call you after dates and tell you how awesome it was. And you know, they know how to court women when they fall madly in love. The problem is most men aren't falling madly in love. And a lot of the courtship rules, the gender rules have gotten super confusing. I always say it's like, who's the dude? So my coaching is really designed to kind of put you in the feminine energetic. Now getting back to the hunting and the gathering women, really, their genetic millions of years of conditioning is about feeling safe and protected. We want a man who can guard the caves, who can bring home the meat so that we can cook it and so they can eat it and pass out in front of the fire. So we're gatherers. And so it's kind of like when you find this beautiful shiny object or beautiful berry, it's kind of like, okay, I can stop picking, I can stop hunting, I can stop gathering. I've got what I need. And so, you know, while men are like, let's spread our sperm among the many women, kind of, you know, our safety was, and our survival was about finding one special guy to protect us. And so I always say, until men say they're the ones, they aren't. Until he says he's the one, he isn't. And until he says he's the one, he's just blocking traffic. So no matter how much you might want to stop and give up, and I will tell you that a lot of women are kind of like Victorian heroines who have fallen in love with men who have left the field entirely. It's like Cold Mountain, right? The guy's off at war and she just waits for him to come. So until somebody really says, I want you to be my girlfriend, until somebody starts making real future plans with you, and until someone really tries to close the deal with you, you are single and actually so is he. And men really do believe that it's okay to date multiple women if they haven't made verbal commitments to any, some or all of those women. I call it the male string theory of dating. And it goes back to Little League when men were boys. They learn the theory of what I call, you know, setting up the right team and they've got their first string girls. It's called like rotating. The talent is what they do in baseball. Some men are first string pitchers. There's just a Dodgers game. I sat behind Tommy Lasorda, who did wink several times. It's really funny, but, you know, they've got men that are on the bench, men are at shortstop, and men do this. When boys grow up and become men, they'll do this in their love life too. So they've got their first string girls who they're the most passionate about vetting and dating. Then come the romantic replacements who like him just a little bit more than he likes them. And then there are the girls who are on the bench and waiting to get called back in for action. And if a man's not actively courting you, if you're dating him and you're not really hearing from him regularly, you've been benched or you're in some kind of romantic rotation, the problem is that when women don't understand this male string theory of dating, it can be super confusing. And that's where the book He's Just not that into youo. That's why it was such a sensation. Because truthfully, when men really are inspired about partnering you, they will be magnetically pulled towards you and they will not be able to resist trying to partner you and lock it down. They won't want any other competitors in the field. So these are all kind of deep manhandling kind of secrets. And the way that you really create this kind of passionate partnership, that my clients learn how to create this legendary love partnership. There's a lot of ways that women are actually short circuiting a man's ability to actually paramount with you properly. And I love this question because this gal knows that it's not normal to want to stop dating other people. But what I'm going to say to you is that you have to keep dating other people. And what I don't want you to do is I don't want you to make him jealous about it and I don't want you to tell him that you're dating other people. And if he calls and says, so what are you doing on Saturday night? You can say, you know, are you wanting to invite me out on Saturday night? And he could say, no, no, no, I've got plans. But, you know, just curious, you can say, well, I'm actually going out with some girlfriends. You don't have to say that you're going out. Even if you're going out on a date, you can say, you know, I'm going out with friends. Even if you don't have any plans, you can say, I'm going out with, you know, girlfriends. And if he asks you if you're dating other people, you can say, well, yes, but nothing serious. And this is literally an answer that men will give to women. They'll say, well, yeah, I'm dating, but nothing serious. So what you want is you want him to know that there may be competition in the field, but it's not really that serious and he can move in. And if he decides that you're worthy of really, if he feels like he found somebody truly viable, he will close the deal himself. I never want you to feel like you need to close the deal, but that's a whole different telecall. So, my darling, I do want to share with you that I am going to be doing another free telecall next week and it is going to be an Unhex youx Heart telecall where we are going to be covering two serious buzzkills to romance and the secret to raising your status in the eyes of your suitors and yourself. And the truth is that men really do want to rise in love and they want women who are high status or consider them. So even if you don't think you're as high status, you want your men to feel like you are a high status acquisition. And, you know, it's very funny because men are really good shoppers when it comes to love. They're often better at shopping for romance than women are at shopping for love. And men love things with, like, you know, if you've ever seen a man shop for a new car, he wants to get the best deal with the best gizmos and gadgets and all of that stuff. So he really wants to feel proud of the woman that he's with. He wants to feel like he's rising in love, rising in status by being with this woman. And that now you know that you are somebody who is capable of helping him fulfill the thing that he's determined is the most important thing to himself. So I want to say thank you so much for joining us. I hope that you will join me for the legendary love weekend workshop and also the man magnet makeover that's coming up at the third week of June. And I will say that anyone that joins the magnet will also get complimentary admission into legendary love. And I also just dearly love working with women one on one. It's my favorite thing to do so we can have a group. Goodbye. Hey, thank you so much. Thank you, thank you.