The Truths About Dating APPs (& How To Swipe Right!)

If you’re like most single women, you're probably more than ‘a little’ skeptical about dating APPs.

You might’ve heard that they’re “just for hook-ups” or geared for the “I-don’t-wanna-have-to-do-a-ton-of-work-here” millennial set.

You might be a little wary that the men on them will be either way too young, or their profiles will be far too brief, or they’ll just be WEARING briefs!

And that’s why so many of my clients are SHOCKED and appalled when I suggest that they immediately jump on them.

(Especially the gals that ask me that Million Dollar Question, “Where have all of the great men GONE?!”)

HINT: If you’ve been hunting and pecking for ‘suitable suitors’ on dating sites like Match and eHarmony, you’ll be SHOCKED to find that the pool of datable males on Dating APPs are often WAY more appealing there than on your formerly fabulous dating sites.

FLIRT FACT: APPs are awesome with a little Dating APPtitude!

The Fine Print: (Please read this!) Unfortunately, Dating APPs are very fast paced and require a whole new skill-set.

On this podcast, I'll dispel the '3 big Myths' about dating apps, how to make them more effective for you without chipping a nail, and why men LOVE them (and you will too once you get this info under your garterbelt).

You’ll also hear some fabulous Romantic Reports from the Field that don't want to miss!

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Transcript

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Hi, good evening, ladies, and this is Lauren Francis, and welcome to the podcast series Lauren's Love Our X. And tonight we are going to cover the truth about dating apps and how to swipe right. So I am so excited about this particular topic, and on this call, you're going to learn a lot of new information and a lot of tips and things that I have taught really my private clients, people that have come to my Man Magnet makeovers, or have taken some of my workshops, or done one-on-one coaching, because this is for most women, it feels like the wild west, and the rules have definitely changed. So we're going to teach you how to flirt with wild abandon, confidence, and control. Okay, so on the call tonight, you're going to learn why dating apps are awesome once you know how to use them. Okay, so that is a caveat. Once you know how to use them, they can be wildly effective. And I can promise you, as a love and dating coach, I have so many women that have found not only incredible boyfriends, but incredible husbands on Bumble Tinder and all of those different dating apps. Okay, you'll also learn the biggest differences between dating apps and conventional online dating sites. So there are big differences about them. So we're going to talk about that. We're going to talk about what kinds of men you'll find on them and the truth about if you know these men are just looking for hookups, and what kind of communication skills that you need to be really super effective, and why your communication skills that you've been using on dating sites are probably not working on dating apps. It's very confusing. And we'll also talk about the three biggest problems of female dating app users. That sounds like an awful lot of information for our call. Our call is going to run hopefully exactly 75 minutes. And here we go. So as I said at the beginning, as a love coach, one of my superpowers has been in teaching women what I call the art of dating online. That includes a lot of romantic branding, new messaging, new imaging. And I've launched also thousands, tens of thousands of women around the globe through my podcast programs, et cetera, on conventional dating sites. And you might have seen my Man Magnet makeovers, which are my incredible workshops that I do where women fly in from around the world and we do amazing makeovers, and then we write profiles and launch them online, and they've been on TV, they're on my website, and so you can tell that I am a total fan about online dating. But as someone who's an expert in that field, I started noticing something very interesting happening on them about four years ago. The dating pool on sites like METCH started mysteriously shrinking. All of a sudden, you know, the uh you know the gen pop of these sites kind of you know seemed less appealing, less attractive, and it happened exactly when Tinder caught on fire, literally just completely blew up. Now, if you're like most women, you might be more than a little skeptical about dating us. And Tinder when it launched definitely had a bad rap. It had uh it was a bad rap app. And you know, it was definitely created by a millennial and millennials, uh, and it was, you know, I don't know if you saw the um history of Facebook there, but there was like hot or not, and they literally posted a picture of like, do you think this girl's hot or that girl's hot? Yes or no, yes or no. So that's where the swiping feature came in, and it was definitely um launched by the 20 Something Set. And the 20 Something Set definitely likes to hook up. But uh, you know, so this is where that app uh wrap kind of came in that it was just for hookup. So most women over, you know, in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, um, I I really want some clients in their 80s, so send them my way. I am so interested. And I will tell you, women, I've got a client in her 70s, and she's just crushing it. Her speed of implementation is profound, and she literally said, I have no time to waste, I'm serious. So um, so I did send her to the bikini waxer and she was shocked that they took it all off. So you've got to be careful. So, you know, times have changed, the kini wax lines have changed, and how people are dating changed, has changed. And so um, you know, even though you might have heard that they're just for hookups, or that they're for the millennial set, uh, and that you might be wary of the men that are going to be on them, might be too young, or their profiles will be far too brief, or that sometimes they'll just be posting photos in their briefs, which sometimes they do, uh, then I have fantastic news for you because if you have been hunting and pecking, or are now feeling like you're foraging, like a starving raccoon, trying to find suitable suitors, what it calls suitable suitors on dating sites like Match or eHarmony, then you will be shocked to find out that the males on dating apps are often much more appetizing than on your formerly fabulous dating sites. Ta-da! So this is problem number one for most female daters is that they actually have a bad uh negative connotation, right? And some misinformation about what is actually happening on dating sites and how things are trending. So they're not quite up to speed with the times. Um so this is very interesting. This is the reason why men love dating apps. So this is man fact number one. They love dating apps. Most of the men, almost all of the men that you're going to find on any of your regular dating sites, and I'm not suggesting that you cancel your membership. I'm gonna suggest that you add another avenue to your dating pool through dating apps. We're gonna talk about how to do that, but almost all of the men that you'll find on Match.com, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, wherever Christian Mingle, J Date, etc., etc., are also on dating apps. Okay, they figure men figure like, you know, if it's gonna work here, let's try it over there. Now, part of the reason why men love dating apps is because they don't want to fill out long profiles and explain themselves. They're quick, they're easy to use, and they require few words, just like most men. So they are perfect for men. They're easy to adapt, they're new gadgets and gizmos. If you've read my book, Dating, Mating, and Manhandling, you'll know that the best way to flirt with a man is to compliment something he's wearing or doing, or you know, talk about his gizmo or his gadget. And uh so that is also why they love them. Men love adapting and adopting new technology. So anytime there's new technology, it's always a good idea, if you are a single modern gal, to understand understand it. And um, you know, the trends often start with a young and then everybody else follows. So single males in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and yes, ladies, even in their 70s, are on dating apps. Okay, so here's the thing about them. If you've tried them, this is a problem, dating apps, you know. So dating apps, uh, what you'll find is that they often lack a lot of intel on the upfront. Okay, so because there's not a lot of room for profile information, because men often don't put anything in their profiles, and um you know what's interesting about Bumble is that Bumble will say the school that they went to or the place that they worked. So that can give you a ton of information that you wouldn't even get on um the pla their place of work is something that you don't normally get on a on a uh unmatched.com or eHarmony, for example. So that's an easy thing to drop into Google and put their first name in and ba boom, all of a sudden you're gonna find out exactly who he is, where he lives, and then you can even go to his Facebook page to see if he's actually single. So that is how to date like an international spy. That tip was worth the entire phone call. Okay. Um, so but that is, you know, that's the problem is that women often complain that they're not a there's not a lot of information. How can you tell who they are? And one of the very biggest problems that I work with um with my at daters is that, you know, the problem, I'm gonna actually give you more context uh about why you need dating aptitude. But as as I'm gonna just pull the lens back for a second. So in my practice as an online dating expert, as I shared, it's like it's I literally have seen the golden age of online dating, which was when everybody was on match.com, right? That was like the new hot thing. Um it's turned into a bit of an ice age because Tinder and Bumble have cratered the dating terrain. Okay, but hey, it's it's better than having your mother faxing your photo, as was done in the days of your. And yes, my mother did actually fax my photo to a potential date, which I did. I w I went out on a pity date with this guy who literally, I think, was an accountant for a funeral home. It was it was just very, very sad and extremely funny. So um uh yeah, I I'm not gonna I I was just appalled, but God bless her. So some of you might even remember personal ads. So let's just take a moment to thank as a group the romantic powers that be for the gift of new technology, right? There were, you know, matchmakers, then you know, the goddess made the telephone, you could start calling people, then there were personal ads, faxes for your relatives, match.com, and now we actually have dating apps. So, yes, dating apps are now where men have migrated to, and so you should too. Okay? So there is some fine print about this, and so I want you to all perk up yours and pay attention because unfortunately, dating apps are very fast-paced. They require an entirely new skill set. If you have gotten used to texting with men that you have uh met, let's say you found somebody on match.com, you know, the flow and the pace of it is, you know, he'll wink, he'll wink back, he'll say, Love your photo, you know, then he'll send an email telling you how awesome you look, and blah blah blah. Then you'll take a day or two, you'll see it in your inbox, you'll get back. It's like a slow game of tennis. It's like back and forth, slow, slow, slow. This can go on for some women, I swear to God, for weeks. Now, when they start working with me, I teach them how to ramp up that that communication cycle, or what I call volleys, to be much more short and sweet, but it usually takes most most people dating on match at least several days to get to a phone call, let alone a date. That could take weeks. So the thing about dating apps that you need to understand is that with the text kind of communication that happens on dating apps, which all happens in phone, you know, inside the app on your phone, there is so much immediacy to this medium that most women basically do not know what to do or what to say, who should call who first, I'm sorry, who should text whom first. And many women are setting up dates right from the app. And so we're going to talk about the best way to set up dates, which is definitely not just through texting. Okay, so but the speed with which this uh communication is happening and the lack of really knowing how to be engaging or what to say to a total vert virtual stranger is the second big problem that women are having with texting uh on apps and app communication. So you know, because it does require a whole new skill set, for most women this is extremely annoying, right? If you're like most of my clients, you you're busy working your butt off, you're raising your kids, you're getting out of your last relationship, you're going to soul cycle, and then you're getting your master's degree. And uh, you know, and now I'm suggesting that you master new technology. So that is uh that is the secret. Now here's the good news: it does not take that long to learn how to do it effectively, but it does take some time, it takes a little bit of time and a little bit of focus. So another big complaint that I get from women is about ghosting. Now, this is often why if you try if you have tried dating apps, you might not have liked them. You've been totally underwhelmed, and you've even probably deleted them, only to then re add them later on. Because when women aren't savvy or knowledgeable on dating apps, creating what I call romantic traction, sticky, like you, you know, you know what to say, you know what to do, men are responsive, they're engaged, you get to a call, you get to a date, that can feel like a very difficult trick. So, and in fact, as I wrote in my little newsletter about this, ghosting became part of the vernacular because apps of like Tinder and Bumble have created an atmosphere where there's so little information, there's it's such a low-value proposition that it's much easier to match with somebody and then have them go poof where they just disappear right after you swipe right, or even sometimes mid-text without any follow-through. Or worse, men can make plans with you, make dates on the app, they don't show, they don't call, or they don't even text. Hashtag, this is very rude, and uh this can make anybody want to chuck their phone across the room. So I completely hear you and I really understand. But here is the awesome truth that when you learn what to do, when you learn how to do it, you will crush it on dating apps. And dating apps, again, are not for just millennials. My clients are finding amazing partners on them in their 30s through their 60s, 70s, once I give them the little, a little, what they call a little aptitude adjustment. And so um I actually um have uh one of my gals that has taken dating aptitude not dating aptitude, she's been on my uh in my Man Magnet makeovers. And Susan, are you on the line with me, Cutie Pie? Oh my god, I hope that you're all on the line with me. Hold on, I'm gonna unmute everybody. Hang on. If you can hear me and are enjoying yourself, go, hell yeah. Are you ready? One, two, three. Hell yeah. Yes. Sometimes, well, I'm telling you, when you do these podcasts with live calls, it's literally like, am I speaking into the void? Did I accidentally disconnect myself? Okay, I have the beautiful Sophie. Sophie, are you on the line with me, darling? Can you unmute yourself and say hi? Hi, Lauren. Hello, bonjour, beautiful Sophie. Hi, darling. I'm wonderful. So Sophie, Sophie, can I just brag a little bit about you for a second, Sophie? Yes, absolutely. Okay, so I met Sophie through the beautiful Wendy at um where did we meet? At the Pierre Hotel in the British, right? Yes. Yes. And I have to tell you, Sophie is one of the most elegant, beautiful French women I've ever met. Like you, the chicness is beyond beyond. She's got an amazing career. And when I met her, she said, uh, she you showed me your photos. And you said, I am not photogenic. And I looked at your photos, and I think, what did I say to you? Do you remember? Um, I do not remember. I think I said you have to take the magnet. I know how exactly how to photograph your beautiful nose. Oh, I do remember that. Yes. Yes, you're right. Okay. So do you want to tell them a little bit about your story? And you also have a very fun recent Tinder story. Yes, absolutely. So, um, so I did end up taking the magnet with Lauren in uh beautiful Bel Air. Um I would highly recommend the experience. It was a complete life-changing experience for me. You know, it's funny because now I look at pictures before the magnet of me, and I look at the magnet's pictures, and I look at even how my style evolved after the magnet. And I feel like I'm a complete different person. And not that I didn't know how to dress before, but I feel like you you brought me to, you know, a complete, you know, new level, and my confidence also, you know, skyrocketed. And I'm not the same person, you know, inside. You know, I I feel like um it was such a transformational experience for me. So I mean, I think this is the best investment you will ever make in your whole life. Oh this is serious about you know, finding the love of your life and changing your life, you absolutely have to take it. It's a no-brainer. Oh my god. And I didn't pay her to say that. She actually paid me. Which was funny. No, but I I made you feel that way. I made you feel like part of it too, I mean, it's not that she's like she's just so beautiful. And your clothing was very lovely before, but I think we got you into so basically in the magnet, what we do is we create a new vision of love about your outsides and your insides, and then your communication style with men. And I think that we took you to a much an even more romantic and more elegant, right? You were a little corporate before, and cute before, but I think that we really pushed it, and she I mean she was wearing like very form-fitting but very elegant clothing in the chute. So it really you it makes everyone look more expensive, which is not a bad thing. Yes, which is not a terrible thing. And um, and darling, and then what what changed with the responses? Did you see so because so ladies, and one of the things I'm gonna share is that if you're not getting action, if men are not um, you know, if you're swiping but nobody's really connecting, or if they're connecting but they're not following through, it is a very visual medium. So your photos need to be incredible. Uh and you don't have to look like anybody. And it's not that you have to be, it's not that men just want 30 somethings or even 40 somethings or 20 somethings. They want a beautiful woman. You know, they want the woman that they're imagining. So I always say just like women have this vision of the guy they want to have, men have a vision of the woman that will fit into their lifestyle, and you need to look and walk and talk and behave like the woman that the man you're dreaming of is picturing. So that is one of the big profound things that happens. I'm so sorry I interrupted you and I totally forgot you what I forgot what I was talking to you. Oh, no worries at all, Lauren. Um before and after of when you relaunched after the magnet, what happened? So I think what was interesting is that you taught me how to really own my feminity and look very, you know, feminine, and you taught me to wear more, you know, uh fitted dresses, but that were elegant. And so that translates into creating a much more a much classier version of myself, but still very attractive and and feminine. And what was also amazing with the magnet is that not only did I get these amazing pictures that allow me to market myself so much better online, but you also helped me. to tailor, you know, the little profile that I that I added on match uh sorry on Tinder. Um and that was also really important to attract, you know, the kind of man who wanted the same thing that I wanted, which is, you know, um a passionate, um, epic body stripping marriage. And so I think that with your help, I was able to market myself online much better and attract a whole different uh standard of men. Um I think that the the standards of men I'm now dating is so much higher and um the men are much more high quality. And I am still the same person. Nothing changes. But I just know thanks to you you know how to attract them online simply by having different pictures and having a few lines, you know, um to actually attract the right man for me and discourage you know the non the not right um you know bachelors. So that was and in terms of that was amazing. And then in terms of the texting experience so the you know also the way that you're communicating with men also Right. Right, yes. Right? So thanks you also it's important to say because now I'm not you know wasting my time um you know as you were saying uh volleyballing with a man forever um you know we change we just changed we just exchange like if she texts and then I ask them fairly quickly um you know if they're open for a quick phone chat. And so we get actually off the app fairly quickly now. Um because you know I don't have time to text all day. I'm a very busy person. And so we have a quick chat maybe about ten minutes or so and then we meet in real life face to face, you know, very quickly after that. And I think that's really good because you can tell you know on the phone you can have a feel of the person and whether you actually feel something and when you speak to them. And then so that's a first you know um sort of selection that you make. Beautiful I'm gonna talk about like the those little rules but what Sophie's referring to and this is very important I'm gonna underline it so people can hear it which is I really encourage every single person that you that wants to set up a date with you you must do a phone call first and a lot of people are not used to doing you know just they'll just set up meets with people from match.com or especially on dating apps and this is an absolute no so we're not gonna talk about how to do that um now because I don't want to run out of time on this call but that's something that we're gonna share about I'm actually going to be launching a new teleclass which you're gonna be receiving information in your inbox about while we're on the call uh called dating aptitude and we are going to cover a whole bunch of fabulous stuff but one of them especially a big section of it is going to be how to communicate and get men to do your bidding uh and go from connecting to texting to speaking to meeting. So darling can you tell us just in the last moment uh and then we're gonna move on uh what happened on Tinder? Yes. So as you were saying earlier the really cool thing about apps is that you have them while you're on the go. And so for instance when you're traveling like I was the past weekend where I went to LA to have a little bit of sun um because the New York winter was getting um was getting to me out of hand. I I had my phone and I was still you know I had more free time I was really relaxed you know I was swiping a little to see what was out there. And so I matched with a man and we started chatting and um I realized that he was actually living in New York but on vacation in LA just as I was which was really funny. And so we actually met over the weekend we went for a hike um in LA which was super fun. It was beautiful and sunny and that gave us the time to you know talk in an informal setting with the beautiful you know LEGUs we really connected actually we connected really quickly and then we had a dinner date uh the following day in a really beautiful and romantic restaurant in Santa Monica only lit up by candles very very nice very cozy um the food was delicious uh it was from a Mishnah um chef I mean the whole experience was very dreamy and I could have never met this man had I not been on Tinder. So to your point I don't think that Tinder uh you know maybe it was like this originally but a lot of people are definitely looking for you know serious relationships on Tinder and personally for me it has been the app that squirked the best because it's the app where there are the most men. And so amazing yes so that was magic amazing I have a question. So so basically you know um because so so interestingly enough dating apps are different in different parts of the world interestingly enough so the people flock to different kinds of dating apps. Tinder is still globally if you especially if you travel internationally um uh everybody's on Tinder. Bumble is still kind of coming up behind it um but uh you know you'll find like in New York City Bumble tends to be better than Tinder so some of this is region specific and um uh but I love that the speed of implementation and so if you just proved my point which is the speed of implementation the fact that she could be wherever she was swipe writes boop boop boop boop and it's right on the phone all of a sudden you're in real time texting with somebody and then you can get to a date very quickly is the total upside. So I'm so excited and are you going to see him in New York my darling? Yes absolutely I mean he texted me yesterday to wish me a safe flight because he's still in LA to speak and he wanted me to text him when I you know when I got home but we definitely have time to when he's back. So I'm super excited. Thank you so much oh my God and can everybody uh collectively go aw thanks Sophie ready one two three thank you ladies oh my God I love these calls so much okay so um I uh I have another gal that um has fantastic texting um fantastic texting adjustment she got an aptitude adjustment uh when she met me and uh Susan are you on the line with me pussycat yes can you hear me now I can hi Susan oh good okay hi I said hello before but I don't know something was wrong we can hi don't worry about it hi cutie pie so Susan so Susan I love so much Susan is also a man magnet graduate and she's a private coaching client with me as well and um Susan met me in New York City before she took the magnet and we were at actually LePandicotitian and you handed me your phone and can you tell them a little bit about your texting transformation? Yes um well the reason I handed you my phone was because I had uh met a guy actually on match I haven't uh mastered the apps I'm still a match girl um it generally has served me well but so I had met him I had met a little match girl I had met him uh had two great dates and then uh he was traveling very busy and so he's he was a big texter never wanted to talk on the phone just text and what had happened was his texts started veering into the uh inappropriate arena um and I checked I called him the chester the molester texter yeah and I I didn't really know how to handle it because I liked him and I had actually met him and there was an attraction but I didn't like that but I didn't know really what to do. And so the afternoon I had met Lauren he had texted me although he texted me like a normal person but then she said well let me see and she goes back and she sees some of the stuff and she's like no no no no no so basically she said give me your phone and uh she replied as me and she shut him down immediately and she played with him a little bit for she toyed with him like a cat toying with a mouse and she baited him and he took the bait and then she sma she slammed him in a in a chart. Oh I did I well I think I think that I think I had her say that I only have text like this and this is a fantastic love script if somebody's asking you something and it's inappropriate you can say I only have conversations like that with men I'm actually dating. Mm-hmm and that will shut that down whether it's on email. Okay so Cut To does the man magnet comes out gets her photos done we relaunch her on match dot com and we had actually done your profile but then just doing the new photos really was a big shazam a big bump up right honey and then we tweaked the profile again a little bit too all together. So yeah now I I I'm still a fan of match.com because I do believe a lot of marriageable men are on that site still and on dating sites and uh uh as again again as I said they're also on dating apps but uh you met a guy on Match and what has happened can you give us a quick little romantic report? Um we met he actually wrote to me um and he commented on my pictures and on my profile and the the wittiness and my profile is shorter than it has ever been and I've been on and off match since probably the early 2000s um but it's doing the trick and so he um we I liked what I read you know in his profile and so um thanks to uh Lauren I have learned to cut to the chase you know a little banter is fine but then say perhaps a chat on the phone would be lovely. So that's become my go-to phrase and so he and I chatted on the phone. It was brief I'm now I'm keeping them again this is not what I used to do but now I I keep them to 15 minutes calls. And um uh we chatted and decided it would be nice to meet and then because of various uh travel and business commitments we weren't able to meet for about two weeks but he kept in touch via text and one thing that I learned which is something I had never done before and I've learned this and I have really implemented it um since working with Lauren is how to really live much more in my feminine energetic because I I juggle careers both of my careers I have to go out and and hunt effectively. So I'm I'm not aggressive when it comes to dating but I really didn't know how to just be the girl in the sense of letting the man initiate contact and letting him you know and just sitting back and receiving and so with this guy now we've had four dates one each week consistently for four weeks and I have not initiated contact once and he's planning the dates and he's calling or he's calling that's the thing he's not the fact he picks up the phone and he calls which honestly I had found that even a lot of men in their 50s weren't doing um so and there's just a really nice dynamic and he will you know say hey I was thinking about this I made a reservation here take a look see how it looks if you don't like it we can go someplace else and he's planning the days and it's I'm I mean we're I live in New York City and so does he and a couple of weeks ago we had a horrible rainstorm and all I was thinking was how far is the restaurant from the subway or I'm just gonna have to take a cab because I don't want to show up looking like a a drowned rat. And he calls and he says listen I know the weather is kind of crummy so I have a car in the city and I don't mind driving in the city. So why don't I just pick you up and then we'll go downtown and I just say you're my hero amazing. I have never I've settled I settled for crumbs for my whole life which is why I I started working with Lauren and and I've learned that even though I knew I didn't need to accept that I still kind of ended up with it and I have found too like Sophie was saying that after the magnet and the the photos and the you know in the world that the men that I'm looking for can uh they can picture me in their world as a result of the photos. And my photos weren't you know crummy before they were just they were just different. It was it's a different vibe coming from them now. And so there's certainly I'm still hearing from you know the men that you don't want to hear from they're still in there. But the caliber of men that I have started hearing from it is really it's a noticeable difference. Just the the proportion of men it may they may not be right because of certain things but the quality is overall much higher proportionally than it ever had been before. Ah darling thank you so much for that beautiful uh sharing of your process and thank you um uh and I'm so I'm always so excited to get Susan's romantic reports I get little texts from her saying F Jim and um uh and uh I'm gonna just have everybody go thanks Susan are you ready to all go thanks Susan ready one two three Susan Okay thanks darling so um so basically what I want to say to you uh ladybugs kind of what you sh what you heard was that and these are two like if I saw if I sent you photos of these women you would be like oh my god they why did they need any help doing anything? Because they're beautiful and uh you know very together and what's so interesting is that we live in a culture where women if you are a single working woman you are forced into your masculine energetic and a lot of the communication skills that people bring to their dating lives are actually communication skills that work in the job job place in the workplace in the job place. Oh my God can you tell I am not in corporate America I called it in the job place in the place where you have jobs. And uh I have a Darling client who is an ER doctor and when I started she it was so funny because we launched her as a magnet and she was uh you know launched on match as well and she um said wow I'm getting all these communications but then nobody's asking me out and I said well let me read your text you know your text threads and um so I read the text threads and men would say oh my god your eyes are so beautiful they're like limpid pools and that dress it reminds me of Garnet's hanging around a princess in India like they were the most romantic you will find like if you have not gotten really beautiful responses from men it completely shifts the way that men talk to you think about you write to you commute and deal with you and handle you is really radically different and she would respond to them like thanks so um I'm free on Thursday to talk when or when is good for you like it was liter and uh man after man got real this like very abrasive very short uh response from her and I said darling and she's an ER doctor I was like darling it sounds like you're um working on a gunshot patient in the ER and she was like oh I actually am I'm texting to men when I'm when I'm in the ER so here is another tip do not text to men when you can't really look at what you're saying and be thoughtful about it because um it really that tone really comes through so I'm gonna take a couple of calls but before I take some calls I uh so take some questions andor calls um I want to let you know I am launching this is a bonus call like a promo call for a new program I'm launching I've wanted to do this literally for about a year and a half and I finally created space in my calendar and it's going the program is going to be called Dating Aptitude and what I want to say is that it's not just for dating apps it's also how it's you're gonna learn how to communicate effectively with men also on MASH.com. All of these dating sites now have app applications which has also changed the way that you need to respond and communicate so the information will help you on all of your dating sites and all of your dating apps. And some of the hot topics that we're going to cover are going to be the differences between dating on apps and dating sites, how to use them, which features and benefits make them most man friendly for you and we're going to talk about how to swipe effectively how to manage the flow of traffic in your inbox and how to clean up your inbox and how to also make you the best use of your time and not get caught up in what I call playing bumble where Tinder's solitaire which can really happen. We'll also create user profiles. So one whole call will be dedicated to how what photos to pick and use what order, how to upload them, how to write your profile, why it should be different than your online dating profile. You're gonna be able to send me examples and get spotlit on our call about what your profile looks like and what photos you've selected. Okay so it's gonna be this will be a very interactive program. And then we're gonna do something that I call flirting aptitude which is you know these text messages that you're getting and we'll do some real texting in real time together while we're on in the course. So if you want to get spotlit we'll basically do a screen share I'll be able to see what you're saying and tell basically when I work with private clients I do a screen share and I will often tell them exactly what to say or do or do the texting do the flirting for them I am literally Sereno and stilettos. That is a really good soundbite I'm gonna steal that. And we're gonna talk about emojis do men like them? Which ones should you use? Which men you know what do you do when you get emojis from them and who texts first what do you say how to text you know who to delete how to transition from swiping to actual dating and then I'm gonna give you what I call my secret male dating app decoder which is my screening practices, my safety guidelines. What happens if he says something that doesn't make sense what do you do? What emojis emojis that men will most likely send to you and what they mean what happens when you get ghosted how to fix it and more importantly how to go from being an option to someone's priority okay and then really like these uh how I call it how to date like an international spy how to find out how to check him out on social media to find out if he's single or not real relationship material and really do almost a little background check. And uh there are it's so much more so that invite we have an early bird discount it's in your inbox and I am going to give the first 20 people my assistant Lucy is going to kill me a free mini consultation so if you sign up you will get a little 20 minute mini consultation we're gonna open up time to my calendar throughout the course about when you can schedule time with me. And I am uh expensive by the hour so this is a really great opportunity to get a Little one-on-one time with me. Okay, so there is that. So I'm going to take some questions. And if anyone is also on the call and you have got a question, you can raise your hand by pressing star to raise your hand. And I will be you'll be live on the call with me. And also you can go to the uh if you're on the podcast through the web, I'm sorry, if you're through the webcast, you can uh literally type your questions in. And so our first question uh that I'm going to talk about today, could we go over and find it? Okay. We had some questions sent in. So here is a question. Ah, this was from Prissy. She said, Hi Lauren, I've heard some of these new apps automatically give the person your location. This scares me. How do you work around that? Um she said, however, it's a really tough market here in my town, Santa Barbara, one of the most beautiful places in the world, is my little ad in there. And I decided I'm willing to relocate eventually for the right relationship. I've now had relationships with two different men from LA, and I was fine with it. How would I handle the location issue on the apps? Um okay. So what I want to say, thank you so much, Prissy, and um what I want to say is that part of the reason why the apps are so effective is because they do give your location. And uh there is a way to turn those features off. And in dating aptitude, we're gonna go through all of the user settings on Bumble and on Tinder, which are the two that I'm gonna really recommend. There are other dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel and The League, but the truth is that when you're on a dating app, the best thing, you know, to find is you know, you want to be in the largest dating pool. Now, sometimes, you know, if you've got very specific um, you know, if if you've got a very specific lifestyle, let's say that you are a devout Christian or a devout, you know, Jew, you may want to go on J Date, you might want to go on Christian Mingle, and they also have dating apps. Uh, there's something called J Swipe, um, which is awesome. So if there are very specific, you know, I know if you're in recovery, there's also um, you know, recovering alcoholics, there are definitely sites, dating sites and dating apps for niche uh users, and those are really good because there is a thing in marketing which says that she who speaks to everyone speaks to no one. So that's part of the reason why my my coaching has been so effective is because I talk about creating a romantic lifestyle brand, and the clearer that your vision is, you know, from the what the photos look like to the words you use to how you communicate with men, you want that to be all of a piece. So that was a very roundabout saying that the apps automatically give you the person your location. Now, like Sophie shared, she was traveling through LA and happened to connect with a man who lives also in New York City, just like she does. And they connected on the app. My goddaughter, I actually um uh she's a girl that's actually like my daughter. I raised her, I helped raise her, and uh uh she um was in New York City, and I told her to go on Tinder a couple of years ago, and she was in her 20s, and she's like, Really? And I was like, Yeah. And she connected with her boyfriend, Nick, and they are living together and will probably get happily married and are having an incre and she's having the most incredible life with him. So that happened from and he was in from Brussels for three days. So the thing about apps is that there is so much immediacy, and because of this location feature, when uh you allow yourself to be seen uh as being in that town, men will immediately swipe on you, and also they will know, and there are search preferences in all of these apps. So some men set their preferences for the entire world, some people set their preferences for only you know five miles or 50 miles or 100 miles away. So when you get into their zip code, all of a sudden you become visible. And men, it's unbelievable how the speed at which you can land in the airport, and all of a sudden you hell you'll have uh you know 50 new swipes, you know, 50 new potential matches. Um, the other thing that's amazingly great about dating apps, ladies, is that it is a double opt-in. So unlike Match or unlike Plenty of Fish or OKCupid or any of the sites that you're on, anybody can really contact you. So part of what is like amazing about dating apps is that you both have to swipe right, which means that you both have to create a consent that you're willing to even be emailed, you know, texted, or could be in any kind of communication with any particular person. So it has created less stress for women because um you're not getting what I call a lot of man spam in your inbox. And the men that you can text with are people that have also said, hey, I like you too. And that's when the communication begins. And you know, one of the biggest battles that I have as a dating coach is really helping women with what I call online dating fatigue or dating fatigue in general. And that's when you have um, and I spoke to a darling friend of mine who launched herself, um, and she said that she was um she's a friend, she's not a client, so I can't really be that bossy. I can be really bossy when uh, you know, we've agreed that I'm your love coach, but she's a friend. So she launched and I looked at her photos and I looked at her profile, and you know, she did say to me today, she was like, uh, I'm kind of burnt out. She said, I'm responding to at least 70% of the people that contact me on match.com, and I was like, oh my God, there's no reason to contact all of those men. So I will give you um love scripts for how to deal with people uh in this course, not only on dating apps, but on your dating sites. So it will be uh it'll be very comprehensive. You'll be able to use a lot of the takeaways for that medium too. But that is the great thing about the double opt-in. And so that I think answers why you definitely want your uh location preferences, and it's not that there's there's no GPS tracking system, like they're not gonna be able to find you because they know that you're in their town. It's just they'll know you're in their town. And I will say I had a friend, Jack, and Jack used to say, Yeah, I only date women that are in a five-mile radius of me. And then I will tell you, Jack, I was like, I laughed, I was like kind of appalled, but then I do the ha ha was that Jack wound up falling madly in love with a girl. It was five miles in his radius, who moved to France, and then he started dating a girl who lived in France. So there you go. Love. Oh, love, Cupid's arrow. All right, thank you, Prissy. Okay, I'm gonna answer another question. Okay, so this is from Deb. Thank you, darling Deb. During to do Tuesday, uh our call, uh, I'd love it if you would distinguish which dating apps are best for 60 somethings versus millennials looking for love. So the thing about these dating apps is that they do all have age preferences. So all you have to do is set your age preferences. If you're uh in your 60 something, you can set them from 55, let's say, to 75, and just see who comes in. And just and and what I want to tell you is uh I'll talk, I'm not gonna talk about this on this call, but I will talk about how to set your age preferences, why people change their age, if if it's a good idea for you, or if it's not a good idea for you. So I would say that all of the dating apps will have a um an age preference, and all you have to do is adjust that in settings and then see what populates in your particular area, because again, as I said, there is a different adapter rate based on based on your particular zip code. And you know, I have a lot of clients in Australia and in Europe, and dating sites are definitely different in different places. So that uh that is something that you're gonna have to specifically check out. And then if you do take the call, we'll be able to even be more, you know, take our program um dating aptitude. Uh you'll be able to we'll be able to get more specific about that. All right. The next call, and if anybody has a call that is on the line, you can press star two. I'd like to see if I can get a live call here with someone. Hang on, press star two if you have a question. All right. Okay, Angela sent a fantastic question in. She says, I've got a question about dating apps. I've been using them for about four years and about 10 different ones. Wow, Angela is an adapter. Is it really necessary to pay the upgrades on Tinder or Bumble to meet quality people? Also, okay. So I'm going to answer that question about the upgrades. I'm going to go through what all of the different options and features are on dating apps and which ones I think are the best. But briefly, I will say that all of them are not worth it. There is something called Bumble Boost, and there's something called Backtrack. And backtrack allows you to, because it's so easy to throw people in the trash, Bumble was like, okay, we're going to charge you XYZ to be able to backtrack. Um after you can shake the app three times and get people out of the trash, but then you can pay for an upgrade to just do that manually. And Tinder also offers that feature too. These are really good features because, again, what's going to happen is there's a flow to swiping, which you will notice, and I'm going to teach you about how to do. I'm going to send little videos in this course as well about the most effective ways to kind of even physically handle the phone, which takes some getting used to most effectively, but you will notice that you will just like be swiping, swiping, swiping, you're throwing people in the trap, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then all of a sudden you'll like delete somebody and it'll be like, crap, that guy was really cute, and then you won't be able to get it back. So that is a fabulous feature. There's also another feature that will allow you to see everybody that's liked you. And so we will talk about that. Um, okay, and I'm gonna do one more question, but I am just going to unmute everybody right now and say hello. Uh, and are you enjoying this call, ladybugs? If you are, say hell yeah, ready? One, two, three. You're so cute. Okay, so I um what I want to say is that, you know, as a uh as a dating expert, what I want to say is that it is going to be extremely fun. Teaching my upcoming course is going to be five, we're gonna have five live calls, and they will all be about an hour and a half long, and they will all be very topic-driven. And my goal is to, if you're on them, or if you're on dating apps already or on dating sites already, that is fabulous. If you are not using dating sites or dating apps yet, that is also fabulous because through the process of the course, my goal is to get you all successfully launched for spring fever, which is going to happen in April. That is the universal mating season. That is when new buds blossom. That is growth, and um uh and you will be shocked and awed at, you know, if you're not on dating at it, you're gonna be shocked and awed at the quality of men. And um, you know, it's again, like I said at the beginning of the call, in the golden age of match.com, there was a time when, you know, that was the only place men could be, and now they are definitely all over the place. So you want to you want to kind of get current if you're you know not seeing really successful, attractive, sexy, handsome men on your dating sites, it's because they are actually on dating apps. And the key though is going to be able to be fluent and effective and and is and that's not an age thing, by the way. You know, I want to tell you if you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and you're on the call, um, you know, women in their 30s and their 20s are equally as confused about how to use them. And so that's why I really I love my somebody some um I'm I'm actually working on my next book, and I had a book agent say, so what is your demographic? I'm always I'm always getting asked that by TV producers, and I'm actually gonna be in Allure magazine uh uh giving some commentary uh this upcoming month. But um and I was interviewed on the Pont de Nuf in Paris for Valentine's Day, which was so delightful. And um uh anyway, but um the they're always asking me TV producers and people in magazines that are what my you know the the demographic is of my work, you know, is it women, you know, they're over 40, you know, younger women, and I and I say to them, you know, honestly, my dating dem my date, my date my my dating, that was like a total Freudian slip. My dating demographic. My demographic is um uh from the girls in their teens all the way into their 80s, as long, you know, because this information, you know, is applicable at every life stage. And what I really am passionate about is in supporting women, you, if you're listening to this podcast or call, um, is really supporting women in creating their own vision of love and being what I call self-defining, which means that you are not waiting and hoping and are just gonna be led by the nose by some man and follow him in the direction that he wants to lead you. But that you are really gonna plant your flag in the ground at the top of your very own mountain and say, This is my vision about the kind of love that I want to create. This is who I am, and then the men who really want that particular brand of love will be completely magnetized to you. And I will share with you that I have several women that are in my coaching uh private practice right now that have also taken a magnet. Um, and my upcoming magnet is uh happening in Greenwich, Connecticut on uh April 6th through 8th. I hope that you can join me if you're interested. It's almost sold out, so please uh send us a little email if you're interested in that or upcoming programs. Um I am doing my first boudoir magnet this uh at the end of spring and the beginning of summer, which is gonna be wild, gonna be fabulous. Um again, it's gonna be the boudoir magnet. Um be a man magnet in the boudoir, which is definitely what girls, all women want. Um uh, but if you um if you are really clear about your vision of love, men will respond to you in a way that is going to shock you. And I have several magnets just this last week who shared text with me that men have said, Oh my god, you've magnetized me, or oh my god, you're a total magnet. So literally that word is being like magnetized right out of these men's mouths and their fingers, and they are giving such profound acknowledgement. And it's my biggest joy to see women who have been dateless, who have been loveless, who have been exhausted by bad a string of bad relationships, who have been ghosted, who have been, you know, really exhausted from the experience and really given up to become full of them, full of joy, full of inspiration, to go, oh my God, I can do this, oh my god, those men are really out there, oh my god, I'm not cursed by the fates. And uh, you know, I really can create my own man magic. And I will tell you that I am confident that you have the capacity to do this. It really is uh having information and then applying it and doing a little romantic footwork, which is always well done in Stilettos. So I want to thank you so much for joining Lauren Loverx podcast uh and joining uh, you know, listening to this uh this call today. And I hope that I will see you in dating aptitude, and may the romantic powers that be bless you and your desire to create what I call an epic and bodice ripping legendary love. And let's do a little uh closing. And uh on the count of three, let's all say my uh signature sign off, which is Onward Ho. Ready? One, two, three. Lots of love.