The Original canceled radio guys. Chris and Costello: SEASON 6
Chris and Costello: things we couldn't do or say on the radio...Chris and Costello worked in big market radio together in another life, now they bring you a rather skewed version of what's happening...interviews, Attitudes, and reviews all in an interesting and captivating way, somewhat irreverent. That's what you should expect from an American radio Icon (Chris Bailey) and a man who only has one name...and turned his back on Queen and country, Costello ( He's from England).
The Original canceled radio guys. Chris and Costello: SEASON 6
Radio Renegades and Football Frenzies: Kamala's Comedy, Pop Star Panic, and Baby Boomer Brawls
Ever wondered what it feels like to be a radio renegade? Join us as we kick off with an amusing debate over our intro music and what makes us the "original Canceled Radio guys." We'll take you back to the golden age of radio, reminiscing about the wild and freewheeling days before diving into our transition to modern platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Listen in as we share hilarious and nerve-wracking moments from our radio careers, including that unforgettable time we played Michael Jackson out of rotation.
Football fanatics, you're in for a treat! We clear up the confusion about our favorite teams and recount a nail-biting NFL debut between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Baltimore Ravens. Modern tech like pylon cams and the importance of athlete hygiene (yes, really!) are hot topics in our football chat. We also mix in some political satire, discussing the latest presidential endorsement for Kamala Harris, all served with our usual blend of comedy and nostalgia.
Pop culture buffs will appreciate our take on aging pop stars like Katy Perry and the quirky lengths some go to maintain their appearance. From dyeing mishaps to blistered scalps, we've got some side-splitting stories to share. To wrap things up, we take a humorous yet heartfelt look at the generational shifts in parenting and discipline, contrasting baby boomer traditions with today's more lenient approaches. Whether you’re a baby boomer or just love the charm of old-school radio, this episode promises laughs, memories, and timeless stories.
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Hey, this is Chris and this is Costello Eat that microphone. Costello Eat that thing.
Speaker 2:I got you, man, I got you, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:You get some candy-covered flavor on that thing, or what.
Speaker 2:Shall, I try licking it to see.
Speaker 1:I just like hearing your keyboard skills at the opening of our show. I love this piece of music. It's really old. You're showing off your keyboard talent. That's the only song you know, which is why we played it for our intro. It's a far fiza. I believe We'll take it. Hey, we are the original Canceled Radio guys and since we're on all these new avenues now with Facebook, instagram, tiktok, we're just popping up everywhere, I think it's probably best that we explain to people what we're about. You know, because everyone goes on podcasts. Oh, you gotta have a theme, you gotta have a theme A theme like this one.
Speaker 2:Oh, you mean Not theme song.
Speaker 1:Theme for the show oh got it wrong again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, it's just because you know we've just been doing in our third season. Now you know just what we used to do in radio. You know people go well, that's good, but you're all over the place. What's the radio show? Things that got us fired. But they said you got to focus and have a theme. You want to be sold for $100 million like the Kelsey brothers. You got to have a theme. They cover other stuff, but basically it's football. Okay, if you're like who's your daddy. It's female on female. It's about female issues, problems, dating, stuff like that. There was a theme. It was Joe Rogan. It's about being a midget bald guy who lost his hair on steroids. I mean, you know everybody's got a theme.
Speaker 1:Our theme. Okay, I guess the best way to categorize we're baby boomers, Like it or not. We're baby boomers, like it or not, we're baby boomers.
Speaker 2:So they call it. Now what do you call it? Generation jones, we're jones, yeah we are, we are we are I thought we were baby boomers as long as I know well, no, we're also babyers, but they decided to just narrow it down a little bit, so we're Generation Jones.
Speaker 1:That sucks. I like baby boomers instead.
Speaker 2:Well, fuck it, then we'll be baby boomers.
Speaker 1:So as baby boomers, a couple of facts we are still the most populous category in the country. We're still the most wealthiest group in the country, even though we're not I'm saying the category as a whole. All baby boomers put together, we're worth about $9.95. And that's without tax.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that'll be our thing. We do radio like the way it used to be before it got so stringent. It's only owned by two companies. That's why we're the original cancer radio guys. We're going to do radio like it used to be. We'll talk about music that we played on the air during that time. It could be wild and stupid 80s, 90s music we actually played a song about boobies last time.
Speaker 2:Boobies, can you believe it? Oh my God. No, you can't do that. Press, okay, I'm really going to shuck you now. Nipple, yep, yep.
Speaker 1:The things they used to get fined and fired for. They don't do now because it's not politically correct. Hashtag, you suck. Hashtag, we're going to sue you. Hashtag, you're a cancel culture, all that stuff. But we're not regulated by the FCC anymore, at least not anyway. So we're doing radio the way we used to do it and therefore that's why it's for baby boomers, because during that time, that's when we're at our peak, and now we're reliving that through this podcast for you, our beloved. It's not just for baby boomers, of course, but it's for anybody.
Speaker 2:But our focus, I would say, if our theme, would be baby boomers Exactly, and we need also to explain that, how I know you and how you know me. You can explain it this time, if you like, or I will.
Speaker 1:I'll start you can finish the good part. I programmed a lot of radio stations and evolved into programming and morning show idiot. And I hired Costello at a station I was programming to come in and take it from worst to first, which is fun in those days, you know, find the weaknesses in the other stations. That's why we used to have these radio voices or personalities, so we'd pick on them, their sucky personalities, their wimpy format or whatever. So I brought in a combination where I thought would be I wanted talent people. I didn't want to just announce it, I wanted talent.
Speaker 1:And so I brought Costello in because I thought here's a good-looking guy. He used to have a peroxide mullet, he had the English accent. I said man, I stick him on, he's going to get us this young female that says I mean, he's going to rock that and he's great. And we had a phone there by the control board called the Hotline, and they're by the control board called the Hotline. How many times did I Hotline you at night? I mean, I know you're shit. I was like what are you doing? I saw this dead air. What the hell are you talking about? He was a cool guy.
Speaker 2:I lived in fear. We got on great, but I lived in fear of this guy. And there was one day when I played Michael Jackson's song Out of Rotation accidentally. So the next day I come in and I go uh, chris, um, uh, cause that's how we used to talk to each other and I played Michael Jackson on B instead of a C man, I'm real sorry.
Speaker 1:You should be, and he goes ah, nevermind. I mean, I know that hotline right. Everyone knew it was me. And then I'm coaching everyone to answer it, but you know, if you didn't, it'd be even worse. So you had to go. What, how you doing? Sometimes it'd be a nice call. Sometimes it's nice Just call and say hi, howdy duty.
Speaker 2:How you doing. I can scare the shit out of you, Never mind.
Speaker 1:Eventually I had to fire Costello, not for anything that he did on the air or anything like that. I think he did it because we used to have gatherings, because, you know, we were a pretty tight group. We'd get together, watch football, bet football, have food, have a drink, laugh, have fun, go to bars, go to each other's houses and stuff. I don't know what the inspiration was, but he decided to whack my ex-wife in the face with a pie one day.
Speaker 2:Well, it was funny.
Speaker 1:Even I did. I was laughing, I got the stink eye and I just just you know, it was like how are you gonna stand up for me? I mean, what do you? What the hell are you supposed to do? You do that to someone's wife and she's pissed and she's like what are you gonna do? You want me to go up and punch him or something? No, I gotta do something. So what are you looking for?
Speaker 2:back did you drop a diaper? No, no, no, there's a dog who decided to rearrange the backdrop behind curtain number one.
Speaker 1:So anyway, I had to fire, to fire him over something like that. And then we didn't talk to each other for a long time 30 years, not intentional, but here we are back doing the fun stuff that we used to do a few years ago, conversations with Costello, because the other time I nearly got fired was when I called you a bitch Well. I did too, but you were being mean no, we can do things now. It's not hurtful, you bastard. So we can do these things now, it's all right Do way worse now, Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, there was reason to throw a pie in your wife's face. I don't remember what it was now, but Chaz had something to do with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah you weren't alone on that. You got the blame for it, of course. Get the foreign guy. Get him deported. Go ahead, now that we're doing the fun radio stuff that we're used to. Now we get to talk about baby boomer stuff. What do baby boomers talk about? Health issues. I guess I'll leave that up to one foot in the grave. Costello talking about health issues and and my issues are like what the hell am I going to catch next? And that's just part of getting older, I guess, yeah well, I mean, I, I did.
Speaker 2:I did do a show. Um, that was before the operation I'd had a heart attack, so I'm in the hospital. That was funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we did something else. That was great. Show material man, that was great. Last year you had that quadruple super duper zip up and do that bypass and we did some shows with Costello in the hospital and they were great. Nurses were there. They had to come shave his dick for the surgery. You know they're cutting his chest open. I'm going why this shit? Maybe it's just a kinky thing at that South Carolina hospital. What does shaving your dick have to do with opening up your chest? I had yet to get a good answer on that. It was fun. I don't, of course. It was Lather him up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, baby, hey, just hold this with you honey Most fun you've had since you got fired years ago. It's great.
Speaker 2:It is. Yeah, it's probably about as much as.
Speaker 1:I've had.
Speaker 2:I've got two women touching me. You know, I kind of miss being in the hospital In fact. Uh-oh, All that lovely attention from the young nurses. I'm calling 911 right now.
Speaker 1:Can we have the Costello dick-shaving squad come over? He's having an emergency, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I don't want the straight razor this time either. I mean imagine the young lady had the young nurse had a straight razor right and she's like going around there she says, well, you'll have to do this bit. I said I can't reach down there right now, it's not possible, you'll have to do it. And she goes well, I guess we're kind of bonding over this, aren't we?
Speaker 1:I go? Well, we certainly are. That's a good opening pick-me-up line while she's holding her dick down with a straight razor If you give the wrong answer, it's like remember John Bobbitt.
Speaker 2:Whoops, yeah, no balls and all mate, I tell you. So yeah, she's kind of like going is this okay?
Speaker 1:I'm going, yeah, this is fine it would change the trajectory of the show and especially your voice.
Speaker 2:I just have to do my Mike Tyson impersonation every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're kind of like Mike Tyson. I got the tattoos in my face.
Speaker 2:My genitals are left in the hospital. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I'll get found. So we mentioned a week ago and you didn't really care too much, but last night was the beginning of the NFL football season. Hey, I want to talk to you about that. What a great game that was. Did you watch that actually watch a football game?
Speaker 2:I didn't know it was on last night. I know there's something tomorrow God he was Missed a good one. But what about your favorite team, Colorado, getting beaten 52 to zip?
Speaker 1:Oh my, God, that's not my favorite team.
Speaker 2:Well, it may not be your favorite team, but it's one you like.
Speaker 1:No, I like that was Colorado State. Oh, we are Colorado Buffs, the Buffaloes, deion Sanders team. Yes, no, that's Colorado State. Oh boy, do they get shit kicked out? We don't care about Colorado State. Okay, all right, we are University of Colorado. In Boulder, colorado. Our coach is primetime. We won last week and this Saturday we're playing Nebraska in Nebraska Big game. Yeah, that would be. Nebraska won their first game. They won ours. His son, shadur Sanders, looks great. Travis Hunter looks great. The offensive line is protecting the quarterback. Rest of the team defense still sucks. After all that transfer port, do you think we get a defense to go along with this offense? No, so I hope they're making the adjustments and we do well this week.
Speaker 2:I did watch some football over the weekend you don't care about over the weekend.
Speaker 1:It's the NFL debut. Last night it was the Baltimore Ravens coming on taking on the world Super Bowl champions, kansas City Chiefs and Kansas City. Taylor Swift is up in the booth watching her man. There she was last night.
Speaker 2:What a game. I was looking forward to that game.
Speaker 1:I just Thursday Baby Boomer Brain Fart. They always have Thursday night football, monday night football Tonight because it's the beginning of preseason. They're doing a game only on Peacock tonight and they're playing it in Barcelona, spain. I've heard about that Philadelphia Eagles versus the Green Bay Packers in Barcelona, but only on Peacock. Do you have Peacock? Yeah, I've got Peacock. Do you have a shave?
Speaker 2:cock. Oh, you may know that I was going to say that's a little personal, isn't it? Don't have a hospital story, but last night's game.
Speaker 1:It comes down 27 to 20. Kansas City's leading Baltimore, gets the ball back. A minute 50 to go, they're nipping nickel and diamond trying to get down the field. Running out of time, lamar Jackson throws a long pass, great catch, 12-yard line. 12 seconds left First play of the end zone. Baltimore guys wide open. Lamar Jackson missed him. I'm going you idiot. Five seconds left Last play of the game. Guy sticks back in, catches the ball. Tippy toes Touchdown. And the exciting thing is, instead of going for the tie in overtime, the coach goes let's go for two for the win. They go. Oh, wait a minute. Look at the replay. Was he actually inbounds? A little smidgen of half of his big toe was sticking out of bounds. So they go out of bounds. Catch no goods. Game over Kansas City wins.
Speaker 2:This is what I was talking about a couple of weeks ago. I said they've got too many rules and now they're way too precise about this shit.
Speaker 1:You have to Costello. That rule's been around forever. You've got any part of your inbounds. It's not a catch. It's been around forever, forever, forever.
Speaker 2:That's true, but they haven't always had pylon cams and things like that. At some point you've got to have a margin of error. You don't have that anymore.
Speaker 1:We'll reverse that call. Okay, they have some cameras but of course, being the big debut Thursday night game, they have these two cameras on each side of the end zone going right down the line. Okay, you can see that smidgen of toe out. If they didn't have that camera angle, that call would have stood. It would have been a touchdown. Who knows how it would have ended up, because they saw the half of his little, his big toenail was barely hanging over Catch. No good, no touchdown. Games over Kansas City wins.
Speaker 2:So it was pretty tight. So kids take this as a note Get a pedicure before you play football.
Speaker 1:You know I've seen many athletes bare feet. They don't cut their toenails. That feet are cut as damn toenails I cut the toenails.
Speaker 2:I feel like he cut his damn toenails. I'm just saying Exactly this is a public service, for Christ's sake.
Speaker 1:One thing the baby boomers are all about. Good hygiene is important. Cut your damn toenails. If it was short in the shoe size, we could have had a win for Baltimore last time.
Speaker 2:There you go. Baltimore Rapids would have had their first.
Speaker 1:Every time we discuss football, it's just the beginning of the season. You better get used to it, Costello. We're talking about football all the way to the first week of February because that's how the season goes, okay. So each week we have to ask Costello a football question and see how he does. Are you ready for this week?
Speaker 2:I'm working on it, but you know, I mean, it's like you asked me.
Speaker 1:I asked you easy stuff. I gave you. I threw you softballs last week. Okay, they were so easy.
Speaker 2:Well, what was the one you said to him? What's a quarterback? And I thought, well, change from a dollar, see, makes sense to me.
Speaker 1:Only a Brit would answer that one.
Speaker 2:It's a good answer, though, don't you think? A rather good answer.
Speaker 1:So listen, we are of course no questions coming up real quick, I get that football, one football question in. Okay, all right, whistles blow, there's a penalty, the ref goes, five-yard penalty, the legal man in motion. What is that False start? No, that's a false start. That's what I said. No, no.
Speaker 2:Who's in first?
Speaker 1:Illegal man in motion.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's what it is. Is it An illegal man in motion? I remember a really good song about man in motion. Remember that. Give me a second.
Speaker 1:If I'll start, of course, obviously if, like, someone moves before the ball snap, just a little hitch. Okay, you got a receiver who's like, he can run down the line, backfield or whatever before the ball snapped or whatever. But if he's in motion at the wrong period of time before the ball snapped or whatever, but if he's in motion at the wrong period of time before the ball snapped or whatever, that's an illegal man in motion. Okay. So penalty, all right, right, okay, you with me. Yep, no, you're not, just use the line. It's because you're Just the line Just to move on. Just to move on, yeah yeah, okay, moving on then.
Speaker 2:Moving on, mr Humber, this is our theme.
Speaker 1:Now we have a theme we're for baby boomers, boomers, boomers, boomers, boomers, boomers. Chris Costello original canceled radio. Guys, the bad boys of radio, here we are and that's our theme.
Speaker 2:It should be like parentheses above all odds, they're still alive. That goes for both of us.
Speaker 1:When you're saying Apple, we have a theme. You cannot buy us. You bought the Kelsey Brothers for $100 million. You bought who's your Daddy for a few other million. We're going for $99.95 just for this week. Only.
Speaker 2:That's right, that's right. Get your coupons here, folks. In fact, we'll even take all your Walmart coupons, because there's so many of them. Next mark coupons, because there's so many of them. Next week will be 10 million, but this week 99.95. Just by the way, if you'd like to get in touch with us, you can and things have changed a little bit, but we're still at Go ahead. Chrisandcostello at yahoocom, you can email us there.
Speaker 2:Yeah we check it, we check it. And, of course, chrisandcostellocom is our website, which I think is under construction right now. To be honest, I'm not sure. I think it's under construction for three seasons now. No, no, it's there, it's there, it's just. You know, that's how you get the long form. See, you might be watching us in just a little bit. You want to hear the whole? What 45 minutes? That's right.
Speaker 1:They are playing all kinds of these short snippets on Facebook, instagram, tiktok, all these other sources, but if you want to hear the whole show, just do like Costello said don't give yourself ear torture for 45 to 50 minutes with the whole deal, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Where are these going? Chrisandcostellocom. In fact, you can even choose from the last year and a half of shows that we've done on there as well.
Speaker 1:Just go and check it out. There's been some wild shit. If you think back to what we've done the past three seasons, there's some weird. There's some funny wild shit on there, that's for sure.
Speaker 2:I really enjoyed the interview with soon-to-be King Charles III.
Speaker 1:We get a lot of comments on that. Yeah, we do.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:That was pretty good. We had the gay black wrestler on. That was fun.
Speaker 2:Should get in touch with him again, maybe.
Speaker 1:I think the guy once came back on our show was the guy who used to work with Liberace. He really loved being on our show. Oh, nate, we loved you. We bonded like this. You want to kick my ass so bad, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I told you an asshole and everything I know Costello better than you do. It was actually no.
Speaker 1:We picked on Lizzo so much. You want to come over and sit on my face and suffocate me, but you know, matter of fact, she can sit on both of our faces at the same time. That ass is so big.
Speaker 2:Boy. I tell you what, it's true though, he did. He did work with Liberace, or what do they used to call him Lee?
Speaker 1:That was it.
Speaker 2:If you were in, you could call him Lee. I've been to his house.
Speaker 1:Well, if you were in, we know what you were, so you don't want to be in.
Speaker 2:No, I wasn't in. He was dead by the time I went to, so they buried Liberace face down. There's anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1:No, they buried Liberace face down, with his butt up, but that's anyway, it's us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, down with his butt up, but anyway, that's it. Here's Kristen Costello.
Speaker 1:So, since we are baby boomers, we have to bring this up, because I hate to do it. We have to do a little bit of politics. We are getting closer. Coming next week is the presidential debate Trump versus Harris. I'm really excited to see. I'm sure she's going to do a good job. Just let him bury himself, let him yak on, make an ass out of himself. She'll win the thing nice and easy. Just let him do his normal thing.
Speaker 2:He doesn't say anything anyway, does he? I mean listen to him, Same shit.
Speaker 1:People walking out of his rallies just rambles on it. It's boring. It's just he's going backwards, which is what I'm happy to see, but getting ready for the debate, he's actually. Kamala's actually got a new endorsement, you know, and it's from an unusual source. Shall we, yeah, go ahead, hit this. This will catch you by surprise. Let's do it.
Speaker 3:There's a brand-new energy in America.
Speaker 3:Can you feel it?
Speaker 3:It's the feeling Americans get when they have the chance to make a change from the tired old ways of the past, the chance to chart an optimistic new course and to turn the page on the negativity and hate that has divided us for far too long.
Speaker 3:It's the kind of energy Americans are known for when they set their minds to set right that which is wrong. It's the energy that powers America. It's the kind of energy we've seen so many times before when America stood up and did what was right before the eyes of the world. It's the feeling of hopefulness and gratitude that we live in the greatest country on the face of the earth. It's the feeling of hopefulness and gratitude that we live in the greatest country on the face of the Earth. And, as one of our greatest leaders has told us so many times, there is nothing America can't do when we do it together. And so let's come together to harness this energy to make America a more perfect union. Let's come together to elect Kamala Harris as the next president of the United States. Let's write the next chapter of American democracy for generations to come.
Speaker 2:Well, that's pretty damned amazing. What a great endorsement. I mean all those great pictures. Now, if you don't have video, I'm going to have to explain this a little bit, because some of you are listening to us and some of you are watching us.
Speaker 1:For those watching. I'm sorry, that's the video part.
Speaker 2:Well, the thing about the video thing is that there's pictures of Kamala, there's pictures of Obama, there's pictures of Clintoninton, um, just all kinds of things, ever everything democratic and nothing republican, and it just it all fits in rather nicely, I thought, anyway.
Speaker 1:So he's endorsing harris. So, just at this, we always, like I said, we always play the truthful trump on this show. You know what he's really thinking, what's really going on. But I think we're starting the most is because harris gomala's raising a lot of money. I mean, this is all exciting and stuff. Trump needs money. So we have here for you for your listening and video enjoyment. Trump is coming up with a new way. Like he was selling Bibles and he was selling shoes. Okay, that's right. Guess what he's selling now Melania. Check this out. Trump's selling Melania for money. I may buy that.
Speaker 3:Hello, it's AI Donald Trump, and, as you know, I desperately need money and I've been scrounging around for things I don't use anymore so I can sell them to raise some cash. And I've got a lot of useless possessions lying around, some of which I don't even lay eyes on very often, and one of those things is my wife, Melania. I hadn't seen her in a few months until last week when I suddenly realized, hey, I paid a fair amount of money for her back in 1998. At the time, I was dating a woman named Selena Middlefart Seriously, that's her name, you can look it up. But anyway, I paid a lot for Melania and she's still in pretty good condition, and I paid for some work to be done on her, and it wasn't cheap, believe me. So I'm putting Melania up for sale to raise some cash.
Speaker 3:Now I need to be upfront about a few things. She's not very friendly and English is not her first language. She's from Slovenia and she's always running around the house saying things like smrdiko prasicjarit, which translates to he smells like a pig's asshole, and she won't let me touch her, which, to be fair, she negotiated as part of the purchase agreement, and we've never actually had sex, mostly because I'm completely impotent, but I remember her saying over and over again to the people I bought her from o moi bog ne biebaltega debelega dreka ce bi bil zadni clovek na planetu zemlja Esti genadi. Which translates to oh my God, I wouldn't fuck that fat turd if he was the last man on planet Earth. So there's that. Like I said, she's not very friendly. So please make an offer for Melania by contacting my campaign office and remember that even though I'm desperate for money, I'm hoping to get a decent price. Maybe not what I paid, but don't try to lowball me. Hopefully she'll be nicer to you than she is to me. Bitch fucking hates my ass.
Speaker 1:He might have better luck selling her than the shoes in the Bible, I think.
Speaker 2:Maybe those could be optional extras, Like he says in the thing she still looks pretty good.
Speaker 1:She's a cold woman, she looks cold to me. I thing she still looks pretty good. Yeah, she's a cold woman, she looks cold to me.
Speaker 2:I mean, she's like Well, she's from Russia or Ukraine. You're not Ukraine. Where is she from?
Speaker 1:She's just an Eastern European right next door to Russia. She's got ice in the veins.
Speaker 2:But if you're married to an idiot, she has that look that can wither about anybody. You know the slanty eyes. They kind of go like slitty eyes you have to look at it.
Speaker 1:What makes her happy? What makes her laugh? But what's still there? A dildo.
Speaker 2:When you're married to Trump. It has to be. It has to be.
Speaker 1:Call Amazon and get what more batteries to this address. Yes, that's right. I'll tell you what, though You've got to get enough politics.
Speaker 2:But wait a minute. Can you imagine having Trump humping on top of you?
Speaker 1:No, Stop it. You don't want a bad visual thing that does in your head. Well, I just thought, you know?
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm thinking hey, hey, hey, baby, a baby, a baby, uh, congress, congress how does he have sex with his hands?
Speaker 1:always doing this, I think I think I may be coming lost your balance.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, I think.
Speaker 1:I think I think I may be coming, I may be coming well, that's why you see him at the rallies, is why he does this dance like this. He's jerking off two guys at once. There you go. Double jerk, double jerk Want to be in my cabinet. He's offering Elon Musk a thing in his cabinet now to help straighten it out.
Speaker 1:That'll bring in the votes right. I apologize on behalf of Gastel for giving you this awful mental image, possibly that you'll have in your head the rest of the day picturing Trump humping the Trump hump oh.
Speaker 2:God, the Trump hump. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we present the Trump hump. We're kind of this team. I have to bring this out.
Speaker 1:I don't know about you girls. We present the Trump Hump, so we're kind of this team. I have to bring this up. I've always liked Katy Perry. She left her judge seat on American Idol, which I think would be hard to believe. She's pretty funny. She has a new CD out. She's working really hard to try to push it. It's really tough because she's like 40 now a little bit over 40. You're an aging pop star. You still want to be relevant. She 40, now a little bit over 40. You're an aging pop star. You still want to be relevant. She's relevant in other ways, but sometimes having your music hang in there makes it a little tougher when you get that age. Even with Stefani she's still around. But she's relevant in other ways. She has a good show because she's had so many hits. Kitty had a good residency over at the Resort World. She's not really pushing her music a lot.
Speaker 1:She was on another podcast this week, the who's your Daddy thing. We go and mention it. It's a good thing. Yeah, and man, they were asking what pushed her button, what excites her? She goes. Is it like getting a new Ferrari from your husband, orlando Bloom, stuff like that? She goes. No, I can buy myself a Ferrari if I want one. She goes well, push is my buttons, okay, I sell for Ferrari. If I want one, she goes well, push my buttons, okay, if I get it.
Speaker 1:He does things to help me out. If I'm coming down the stairs in the morning, the kitchen's clean, the dish has been put away, the dishwasher's been empty, all the countertops are clean. If you do that for me, get ready to have your dick sucked. And so that's what does it for me. I'm going are you shitting me? Inspired by this, I cleaned the whole house here, top to bottom, everything done. I said to my wife. I said lookie, everything's clean. I got the vacuum, I polished, I did everything, all the laundry. I'm ready. She goes what did I get? I got? Oh, thanks, that's pretty much it. I got thanks about damn time, that's it. I said no dick sucking, what for what? Cleaning the house? Katie does it.
Speaker 2:What the heck. I married you for Jeez.
Speaker 1:I thought what a great precedent Katie is setting. I said, man, I work my ass off all day and I get nothing, but it's about damn time. And so today I'm out there, bummed out this morning, sitting down having coffee by myself. My wife comes out, I hear this thing Okay, my beard tremored and she starts running the thing up my leg a little bit, not totally to the skin, but I go what are you doing? She goes some of your leg hair is too long. I went what the? How many leg hairs too long? I went what the Like, just just like you're all leg hair to you, I'm like Christ.
Speaker 2:She doesn't like the porn. Rows on your legs.
Speaker 1:I'm having a bad day Cause I cleaned the whole house. Look waiting for a dick sucking. I don't get that, okay. And the next thing here is like your leg hair is too long. We got to trim that up. I'm just going. That's it. That's what I get.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry man, nothing for cleaning the house.
Speaker 1:My leg hair is too long. I'll go get a waxing today. Get my legs waxed and get a Brazilian wax while I'm at it. God, now there's a thought you get your dick shaved by two hot nurses. I got to get a beard trimmer. I got to go down to the waxing joint.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you don't get a quadruple bypass afterwards, do you? No, that was an optional extra.
Speaker 1:I'd like that, I'd like to have my arteries cleaned out. It's a good thing, yeah.
Speaker 2:Look at the energy you have.
Speaker 1:Now you get your color back in your face and stuff, you know, your nose hair's come back. Everything's working for you. Come back. Everything's working for you, yes it is. Oh God, I can see you've got more notes here than you do up there now, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I was just looking like what's going on up here, maybe maybe weekends ago.
Speaker 1:We're going to go and have your hair colored.
Speaker 2:Hair colored. Oh no, ooh. See that red bit there. I don't know what that's about.
Speaker 1:What happens if you get a red splotch up there? What the hell is that?
Speaker 2:It's a Gorbachev.
Speaker 1:I don't know, that's new, I was going to say like you get a big birthmark that's just shown up for the first time in your life on the top of your head? I don't know what that's from. Is that a?
Speaker 2:redneck, it's a Gorbachev look-alike. I think it's just misplaced, are you?
Speaker 1:trying to steal the title of Mr Mellon 2024 away from me. Is that what you're doing? Trying to tan your head?
Speaker 2:I tell you what when I used to dye my hair, which I used to do a lot way back when- you had that peroxide, mullet man. Yeah, I did Well, you know, and I used to dye it black as well. I mean, it's black anyway.
Speaker 1:You were one of the first guys years ago who had the highlights in before everyone even knew what the damn word highlights was.
Speaker 2:You did Exactly, but I dyed my hair black and various other colors right, and it blistered my whole scalp and the back of my ears.
Speaker 1:I was obviously very, very allergic to it. What did?
Speaker 2:you use? Oh, I don't know what did you use? Chlorel or something? Just something off the shelf, and whatever it was back then was high. It just burned everything, which is probably why I went bald.
Speaker 1:Good, I can do that. You had jet black hair. Blonde highlights back here, that's right. Brown eyebrows. You looked like a freaking unicorn. You had every color under the sun. You had dark arm hair.
Speaker 2:I'm just going what?
Speaker 1:the freak color is this guy.
Speaker 2:I'm a fashion icon man. People follow me. You were then. Yeah, I was back in them there days.
Speaker 1:You were way ahead of your time then.
Speaker 2:That's not unusual.
Speaker 1:Look at the price you had to pay for doing it.
Speaker 2:Well, you did offer me new hair I might take it I did.
Speaker 1:You can actually come up here anytime. We'll do it Total hair transplant on you Free of charge, because you are Costello of Chris and Costello the Oranginal Cancer Radio guys, that's right. You get free cosmetic surgery, bud. Don't I need it, folks? Look at this. Why haven't you jumped all over? Don't I need it, folks? Why haven't you jumped all over? Why have you not done it? Because I couldn't get out there.
Speaker 2:I had a flaming dog I had to look after. I still do you bring the dog with you. I could do.
Speaker 1:Your dog would be happy with it. You should first do this. Go color your hair this weekend.
Speaker 2:Bring it back.
Speaker 1:Just one time.
Speaker 2:No, because it'll do what it did before It'll burn.
Speaker 1:They don't have product that burns anymore like that. Okay, so you go get Clairol just for men. Leave it on for five minutes, it ain't going to burn. Leave it on for 20 minutes. It may burn a little because you're leaving it on too long, which is probably what you did.
Speaker 2:Well, it always did, even from the early 70s when I first did it. Well, it probably was pretty shitty. It wasn't the same as it is now. It was awful. Oh Christ, it was like your whole scalp is just coming off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean now if you want to stay tanned year-round, you can go to a tanning booth. You to go to tanning booth? You can have tanning booth in your home. You can inject peptides to make your skin dark. Then they had those sun lamps that you set your face in front of. They're like 500 green burned, your red peeled, just destroying yourself, getting instant skin cancer. And that's all we had. And the hair color probably was just as evil then, as is it. You know it's one of those things was evil.
Speaker 2:It was evil. They had these things called cellophanes that they used to put on, and that was pretty cool because it just coated the hair, yeah, yeah, and the only time you could see the color that you wanted was when the sun reflected off it. You know, I had blue and green. I think I did a bright red one point.
Speaker 1:How many people want to see Castell get his hair colored this weekend? Everybody's in the majority. Just one time. Get some cloud district and pick a color. Great, medium brown would be good. See how that looks.
Speaker 1:All right you don't have to do it totally. Leave it a little gray, a little salt and pepper, you know, just have some fun. Plenty of that. You're acting like an aging baby boomer because you don't do anything. You baby boomer, because you don't do anything, you refuse everything. You won't call your hair, you won't hit the road and get a free hair transplant. You won't come out here and stay with me for a couple weeks to do a Vegas road trip. No, no, no. I'd love to Watch some TV. Clean the house, clean up some dog shit no.
Speaker 2:Talking of which actually coming out there, it wouldn't be a bad idea, because then I can get a ride in allison's new uh, uh, yeah, uh tesla that she got my daughter, by the way, that's a new tesla and that is the car of choice in las vegas.
Speaker 1:the freaking teslas are everywhere tesla dealership. You drive by that thing always tons of people there, nevada because cost of gas in Vegas is, like always, $450, $475 a gallon, so why wouldn't you get one? I mean it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just rent something to go to LA.
Speaker 1:if you had to go the distance, oh, I mean, every time I get gas up in Vegas it just kills me. It's just 80, I car 80, 90 bucks. It used to cost me about 30, 35.
Speaker 2:Kill, me Kill me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's killing me. It's killing me. Why don't I tell you? Why don't I tell you, I'm a bitch and baby boomer, okay.
Speaker 2:The bitch and baby boomer. There you go. There's another podcast we could do. Just sit here and bitch, no, no, baby boomer.
Speaker 1:We could bitch all day long. I remember when it used to cost this. I always said it's like the commercial you got to help those people. You prevent people from becoming their parents. Oh yeah, it's fun to watch you go back and remember how your parents raised you and how we raised our kids. I remember watching our kids how they raise their kids, how it changes so much generation to generation. You know. Our generation parents. We were scared to crap of dad. You know, oh yeah, the way your dad gets home, we're going shit.
Speaker 2:There's a picture on the site board in that particular commercial. There they pan around and there's a picture of a guy and he's looking like this let's see if I can do this right Like that. I swear to God, they stole that on the internet and that looks just like my father in a picture I took when I was like 10. There you go, it's like I, I'm going stop.
Speaker 3:I want to check this out.
Speaker 1:I'm going to beat the crap out of you. I mean, my dad's got pictures. He's only got a hickory shirt in his hand or his belt's off, getting ready to whip us with that. Oh, no. Communication with dad was like when dad gets home, you're in deep shit, you know. Dad was like I'm going to get pain and I'm in trouble.
Speaker 1:They're like oh now it's like oh, dad, dad, my buddy loved dad, loved dad. Then it was like dad, shit, I'm dead. I'm dead. Totally different man, totally different. In the shop class, the teachers used to go back there to get a baseball bat. They'd shave it flat on both sides, nail spare holes in it, put some tape on it and make a handle and a loop for the wrist. That's what they'd paddle you in the hall with if they felt you need a spanking.
Speaker 3:Can you imagine?
Speaker 1:Yes, I can.
Speaker 3:A teacher spanking a kid in school now.
Speaker 1:Oh, he could be arrested and away five or ten years in prison. You know You'd mess up with his mental health.
Speaker 2:you know, we had one teacher who used to get a plimsoll right. That's them now and what he'd do is he'd put a big circle on the sole of the plimsoll right and he'd put an X on your ass with a chalk and he'd hit you until he got the circle or maybe it's the other way around the X in the circle. Whack Plemonsils didn't hurt as much as the cane, though the cane hurt, especially on your hands. Did you ever get caned on your hands?
Speaker 1:No, but did you kind of mind You'd take the finger and put it in your belt loop so it'd hold you up by the belt loop so you couldn. So you'd be whacking with a baseball bat so you couldn't go away. You know they kept hitting you until you showed some signs that it was actually hurting, you know. So, yeah, I take pain right away. So just one way oh God, you're killing me. I think I feel blood. They stop after one. You know, do something. You know.
Speaker 1:That's why people say you know, hey, man, Good old days, right? They always tell me I got a plank ass. This is why they beat it into a plank. Okay, that's why a fat man's white ass, because it was beat to death when I was a kid like that.
Speaker 2:They just. You know, people talk about the good old days. I can't think of anything that's your dad behind you trying to suffocate you with that damn sheet you got behind you. Well, it's just falling down on my head. Thank you, Patrick. Well, I guess we'll just have to continue.
Speaker 1:How am I going to sell this show when you show me you got your urine-stained bed sheet as your backdrop? Oh, shut up. Yeah, I'm going to stay like that while you do that, hang on.
Speaker 2:I'm going to pause this for one second.
Speaker 1:No, no, I think it's a good time to say goodbye. Who's going to squeal this week? It's going to be you because of that. So bend over, here comes your squeal, get it.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, thanks, Thanks a lot, and that's just what we needed, oh boy.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's all over now.
Speaker 2:But that'll be in post-op. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:That's not going anywhere. It stays exactly where it is there we go. See you guys after a week of football and the debate Squeal, squeal out of your ass.
Speaker 2:There we go. One squealing now is to say goodbye.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have some more bourbon.
Speaker 2:Whee, get it. Actually, this doesn't look so bad. It looks better than you know. Waving in the background oh, what happened? It looks very comfy, it is. I think I might market this. What do you think? It's like being hugged by your mother not by your dad, that's a bloody sure. And on that note I'm going to pause this and say goodbye. Till next week, folks, bye.
