The Cancelled Radio Guys
Chris and Costello - Things we couldn't do or say on the radio...Chris and Costello worked in big market radio together in another life, now they bring you a rather skewed version of what's happening...interviews, attitudes, and reviews all in an interesting and captivating way, somewhat irreverent.
That's what you should expect from an American radio icon (Chris Bailey) and a man who only has one name...and turned his back on Queen and country, Costello (He's from England).
The Cancelled Radio Guys
Super Bowl Bets, Doak Awards & The State of Radio
Welcome to Super Bowl Sunday and the infamous Doak Awards!
This week, Chris and Costello dive into everything from wild Super Bowl bets to the quirks of British radio and the highly anticipated Doak Awards Ceremony.
This time - the Doak Awards are based on the Grammy's. Spoiler alert: Trump gets the Pink Pony Award!
They break down the infamous Doke Awards, share hilarious broadcasting mishaps, and take shots at the state of entertainment, music, and politics.
Plus, is personality disappearing from radio? And what’s with the latest Kanye controversy? Tune in for witty banter, hot takes, and the kind of humor that got these guys cancelled in the first place.
Subscribe to 'The Original Canceled Radio Guys' . Go to https://www.ChrisandCostello.com
Email ChrisandCostello@Yahoo.com
I kind of like that's the Kristen Costello theme song. It certainly is. It's right up there with famous theme songs of many shows, right up there with the Tonight Show theme.
Speaker 2:It's up there. This is from Radio London. We'll see it in a minute. It's right up there with the.
Speaker 1:Jefferson theme song moving up to the east side. Yeah, our song is just classic. Yep, it's classic, all right, Radio.
Speaker 2:Big L.
Speaker 1:Classic rock is just classic.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:What the hell's going on, what the hell drives you, boy?
Speaker 2:Well, that was the Big L theme and that's what we do here at the original Canceled Radio Guys, Now known as the Canceled Radio Guys.
Speaker 1:You're like your bachelor Castello. I don't know what the hell drives you. It looks like you're in one of those padded rooms. Do you have a jacket to go with that? I am in a padded room, You're in there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we do, we do Duck.
Speaker 1:Awards today. It's a big, big, big show man Duck Awards. Getting ready for Super Bowl. I wore my team jacket today, my Atlanta Falcons. Are we in the Super Bowl? Hell, no. Are we going to be in there anytime soon? Hell, no, hell, no, we're in the Super Bowl, as everyone remembers. I hear it all the time. We were there in 2016. And everyone goes oh, you're from Atlanta and everyone goes 28-3. 28-3. Sick of hearing it. You know we were ahead 28-3. Brady comes back and they win because they had that dipshit, cal Shanahan calling plays and just running the ball so he can get another field goal. Win the game? Nope, let me just keep being creative. He's never won one Cincinnati, so I hope he never does it. He's cursed. We put the curse on Cal Shanahan. We put the curse on Dan Quinn, who was our ex-coach then, who coached the Washington Commanders this year and he played in the NFC Championship game. He got his ass kicked big time. So that's for you guys, costing us the 28-3, okay 28-3.
Speaker 2:Wow, how embarrassing is that. Mind you, that's not as bad as. It's pretty embarrassing, thank you, there's some embarrassing things going on the last couple of weeks of the NFL, but we're NFL-less now.
Speaker 1:Well, I was just doing the Kelsey brothers, like what.
Speaker 2:Well, actually there's a good point, isn't it? Gosh, it's long enough ago.
Speaker 1:I can't remember the… let's play the sound effect Dementia, dementia, dementia, Brain loss brain loss, brain loss. Braindead, braindead, braindead.
Speaker 2:You're definitely brain damaged when it comes to NFL.
Speaker 1:But you know so my Falcon thing, it didn't say 23. It just says Falcons. Okay, falcons yes, we'll leave it at that and see what happens to us in the future, okay, well, we'll never know, will we? We didn't even make the playoffs this year. But, you know, I don't care, I'm in a good mood because it is Super Bowl week. Super Bowl Sunday is strictly an American thing, even though the viewership is like man through the you-know-what.
Speaker 1:So some of the commercials I've seen have you seen any of the previous some of the commercials? They look really funny?
Speaker 2:I haven't. That's usually the best part of the whole thing. It depends. Like I say, I only generally watch the fourth quarter because that's when everything's decided.
Speaker 1:Not on this game, dude. You get all the pregame stuff. Who's going to sing the national anthem? Who's going to sing America the Beautiful? Who's in the commercial start? You've got to watch the whole deal, man. There's all kinds of stuff going on.
Speaker 2:After the election guess what happened in Canada when they played America the Beautiful? They booed us, they did.
Speaker 1:Don't blame them they're pissed but our Canadian friends? The tariff thing is not our idea and our question is and even the people who voted for him hope you're happy you voted for him are going why do those tariffs for him? Because who's going to pay for him? That'd be us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that will be us. Or maybe we just can't afford to live anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean he withdrew the ones for Canada and Mexico because he said they've worked out some arrangements and some deals. Okay, but the one's in place big time for China. Leave it in place for China. I don't care, that's China calling me right now. Leave me alone. They're going stop the tariffs. No, we're not going to stop anything. So it's okay, that's okay with you, right, china? Cool, yeah, that's okay with you right, china, cool, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, do you know how much stuff is made in China? You buy that Chinese stuff. What do you buy?
Speaker 1:Give me something that you have and you own right now that you use on a daily, weekly basis. That's from China.
Speaker 2:Go on. That's from China.
Speaker 1:Probably the microphone, probably the microphone you're talking into.
Speaker 2:Possibly. I don't know if it's just made in Japan.
Speaker 1:The computer, the speakers Speaking of this stuff, costello and our wonderful new producer, social media director, chelsea. You guys made me buy a new microphone and board and all this stuff, you know. So I hope you're happy. This is the last show where I'll sound like shit. I'll sound like a little tin can or a Castello.
Speaker 2:It's a deep microphone where it talks like this On a tin can radio, you know, with a string and everything last week and um.
Speaker 1:I started my career, like you did, in AM radio. That's just the way it sounded.
Speaker 2:I had a job in AM radio. You know what it was. I was the guy in the background going whistling.
Speaker 1:You were the sound effect guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sound effects from AM radio Used to whistle at you. That's all you did.
Speaker 1:That was my job.
Speaker 2:Yes, indeed, that was my job.
Speaker 1:They paid you for that. Wow, Did you do? The fart noises as well too. Those come naturally to you now.
Speaker 2:Well, they do. Now, of course, you're absolutely correct. Hang on a second, there we go. That was an effing fart.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you that was better than your whistle, just so you know.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm very out of practice, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I used to go for whistle therapy, but you know as you guys know, here's my new little mixing board which is going to be hooked up to my new little microphone. It's on our podcast next week. Oh, something like I used to like a professional, well-paid broadcaster.
Speaker 2:Better explain to our new listeners. I'm sure there's a few out there that haven't heard of the Doak Awards. Doak Turner was a guy we worked with in West Bag of Virginia both of us, in fact. Chris was his boss too. Oh no, you weren't, somebody else was general manager and what made Doak unique. What was?
Speaker 1:it.
Speaker 2:Do tell.
Speaker 1:Well, he sat talking like this. He just thought he was the greatest gift in the world. Doak is the only guy I ever met who in his whole life has never been to the dentist Never. When you flash the picture of the Doak horse, you can see what the Doak's name. After You'll see what I'm talking about. When was the last time we saw Doak? We saw Doak about three or four years ago in person, I guess.
Speaker 2:You did, didn't you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we did, and you know he looks like he's in his fourth trimester, getting ready to give birth. His teeth have still gone awful, and you know, and he's still a lonely guy.
Speaker 2:And his dog died. He's his very own country song. He's a country songwriter as well, and you can.
Speaker 1:Google people and I bet you put in the word Doke. How many people are you going to find in this country who are named Doke? Not many.
Speaker 2:One name will come up. We did this last time, actually, and there was a famous footballer called Doke. What was his last name? Not first, I don't know. No one's name is first name.
Speaker 1:There's our little baby boy. Let's name him, honey. He looks like a Doak Doak. D-o-a-k.
Speaker 2:Doak. Anyhow, we decided to make a lot of fun of this guy.
Speaker 1:It's just been good, yeah, he's a Trumper.
Speaker 2:It's just been good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's a, he's a trumper, he's a Baptist Bible thumper, you know.
Speaker 2:And everybody else he looks down upon with his crooked teeth, yep, yep. And so we decided we'd do the Doak Awards. Yeah, that was a couple of years ago now, so we thought we'd revive them.
Speaker 1:There's an annual coming up today and it's like you saw, like you saw the Grammys. You know what the Grammys are. You saw the songs. It was, you know. The best new artist category was awesome. A lot of good new artists I like a lot. I love Teddy Swims man, he's great and Elk Chapel they're all good. So that was a good category. Now it's time for the dokes. When you say doke, or you say it properly, how do you say doke, doke, that's right, doke.
Speaker 1:It's like someone just goosed you to just sit on something like that. That works best, okay.
Speaker 2:It's usually when something goes terribly wrong, which is probably going to happen here, because I had all this stuff sorted out.
Speaker 1:It's going to happen. Today. Everyone's having a Super Bowl first. Are you placing any bets on the game Sunday?
Speaker 2:I don't think I can. I'm in South Carolina.
Speaker 1:Why not you just do it on your phone, man?
Speaker 2:No, you can't, it won't.
Speaker 1:Let you, I try why would it let you do it on the phone in South Carolina?
Speaker 2:Somehow they know you're in South Carolina, even though I don't have an 803.
Speaker 1:Well, you can't do it in Nevada because the casinos block it. They want you to go out to the sports book and bet there. So I understand why you can't do it in Nevada. You have no casinos or crap in South Carolina. Why can't you bet football on your phone?
Speaker 2:Because it's an instrument of the devil.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that damn Southern Baptist crap coming right back to bite you in the butt. Yep, it used to be. You bet the game, win the lose, you bet the point spread. Then there was some side bets. You know, like the coin toss is going to be heads or tails, who's going to score the first touchdown? Is it going to be run or pass? You know that type of stuff. And how many yards per each team, total yards per game, things related to the game. Now you can bet pretty much on anything up there. So the biggest betting right now is going on with the Chiefs win. Will Travis Kelsey propose to Tay-Tay out there on the football field? That's getting a lot of bets. I'm going wow, that's pretty big.
Speaker 2:That is. That is. That would be awesome.
Speaker 1:But since we're doing betting, and we're Vegas guys, I have here more side bets that maybe some folks want to know about. Would you like to know the other bets? They're betting on Super Bowl, costello.
Speaker 2:I'd love to hear about them. I'll even give you a drumroll, would you? Thank you very much.
Speaker 1:I think it's like even money. Will Tom Brady's hair gel last the entire game? Right now most people are betting no, that's pregame game, halftime, postgame. I don't think it's going to last, okay. Okay, this is getting a little bit of action on this one. Okay, will Jake from State Farm lose his home on auto after secretly betting on the Eagles Because you know his buddy is Patrick Mahomes and Coach Andy Reid does all the commercials with Right Home auto, home auto. Jake, no more home auto after the game. Betting on the that one getting a lot of action. Everyone's betting against Jake on that one.
Speaker 2:Even though he lives in Pacific Palisades. Yeah, they're betting on the Chiefs big time yeah. No, I was just thinking home, auto home sizzle.
Speaker 1:Home auto, home auto. That's Jake. Okay, let's check this bet. Well, the Eagles have only one attempt at the tush push. Yes, that's after running back. Jalen Hurts gets a hard-on pushing the tush. After that happens, they may not run that play again. The coach may go. They're not pushing, he's pushing with his dick up there.
Speaker 2:You know, that's a good question, because I thought sports guys like that wore a cup, but apparently they don't. Now it's like hey, look at me, I'm not wearing any underwear or anything.
Speaker 1:Some do. You can tell who some do, some don't. But being that close and you do it, the tush push is actually what it is. You're pushing against the guy's tush in front of you, the guy behind you, so there's a lot of male humpy-pty dance. Yes, they're thinking Jalen Hurts is going to get a hard-on again after doing the first push-push and they only run it that one time during the game.
Speaker 2:Can you imagine realizing you've got a hard-on and you've got like how many million people staring at you going. Do I just put my hand down, Get me something to?
Speaker 1:It's kind of like watching Benson Boom, one of the guys up for new artists in the Grammys. He came out and he tore his clothes off, his tuxedo off. He's wearing like a blue jumpsuit. Yes, just on stage, the top of the piano, there's a backflip off the piano, pretty impressive. Apparently that kind of knocked him out of sync so he had to readjust himself, standing up there in front of the stage, in front of the camera. So everybody's going Well that he could have worked up, but there are no bets on that, so that didn't work out.
Speaker 1:But there's not a lot of action going on in the tush-pushy bet thing.
Speaker 2:Left side or right side, sir?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but big bets are over and unders. Okay, so this is an over and under. So the number is 80. It would be over or under the number of times Jimmy Johnson will lick his lips during the broadcast. You ever watch Jimmy. I like Jimmy. Number of times Jimmy Johnson will lick his lips during the broadcast.
Speaker 2:You ever watch Jimmy? I like Jimmy.
Speaker 1:He's a great guy, but everybody's doing it.
Speaker 2:Oh, like that Every time after he speaks he's got that going.
Speaker 1:That's like no, no hands, just do it. You guys watch the pregame. You watch Jimmy Johnson. You tell me either he's chewing something or he's got the driest lips I've ever seen any human being have. Well, that's a possibility. Have you ever noticed that before, or is it just me?
Speaker 2:I've not noticed him doing it. I've noticed them doing something with their mouth and licking their lips and it's like it's just kind of irritating.
Speaker 1:Jimmy Johnson, the guy with all the big mane of white hair. Great hair, great hair. Every time he talks he goes yeah, I'm picking the cheese, he'll do that, I'm just going, what the hell? So the number is 80. Count the number of times you see him do that during the whole broadcast. Over and under is 80. A lot of action going on that one. Everyone's betting heavy on the over. He'll do it more than 80 times. Check that out.
Speaker 2:You might have to have a couple of replays on it, oh yeah, slow motion, slow motion. That's when it can really come into its own.
Speaker 1:Another over and under. The number on this one over and under is five. The number of times Travis Kelsey will say baby when being interviewed. Look, he lives in Kansas.
Speaker 2:City.
Speaker 1:Not the biggest vocabulary. Yeah, we're going to get in there baby. Yeah, where's the cheese? Baby, I'm going cheese, baby, baby.
Speaker 2:Baby, baby.
Speaker 1:Baby baby. Is that your girlfriend out there telling you hey baby, hey, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Is that your girlfriend out there telling you hey baby, hey, baby, baby, that's my baby. He calls guys baby. That's right, everybody's baby Baby baby.
Speaker 1:So the betting action is way over the five on the baby thing. Okay, right, this one is like this is an easy bet cost, so you should do this one because you'll win money on. This is an easy bet, so you should do this one because you'll win money on this. Another over and under. The number is zero. The number of times Taylor Swift will be shown on TV without a drink in her hand? None, every time they show her.
Speaker 2:Tay Tay likes to drink Apparently she admits that she's got a bit of a problem.
Speaker 1:I would say, man every football game she's got wine, she's got a bit of a problem. I would say, man, every football game she's got wine, she's got dark drink, bourbon. I mean, the woman likes to drink Gee.
Speaker 2:Bourbon and beer, bourbon and wine. What a dreadful idea.
Speaker 1:That's talking like massive headache.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. She hugs Travis at the end of the game.
Speaker 1:Big, tall and stinky. He goes hi, baby, he gets her into her. How'd it go? Yes, it will. The big bet on that is the over, because they're going to show her. Every time they show her she's going to have a drink. She always does. Okay, this is just like an odds bet. On the winner's podium after the game, terry Bradshaw will ask Coach Reed of the Chiefs, to roll on over here. He did it last year. He got crucified on social media because Coach Reed, as you know, is slightly round and overweight. Instead of saying come on over here, coach Estar, come on, come on. He said hey, coach Reed, roll on over here. I want to answer some questions.
Speaker 2:I like that that actually happens.
Speaker 1:Will he do it again? I don't know. I don't know. Now they're betting on some of the commercials already. Okay, you're familiar with Peyton Manning, right, every time he was in the huddle he used to be quarterback for the Broncos. His last five years of his career. He's staying at the line. Everyone has their own thing, right. Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott always goes here we go, and then they hacked him off. Peyton Manning.
Speaker 2:Omaha. Omaha, so they're betting does Peyton Manning really eat Omaha steaks? I'm sure if they send him enough for free he will.
Speaker 1:I thought it was the city, but no, I guess Omaha steaks, omaha steaks, omaha steaks. He's actually doing advertising. I never thought about that. Okay, vince, you will fall in this category. Okay, Over and under 30 million, big number, 30 million, the number of men that will cry watching the new Budweiser Clydesdale commercial. Look at that little horse.
Speaker 2:Oh look, it's my little pony.
Speaker 1:I've seen the commercial.
Speaker 2:You will. Oh really, Is it like the one with the little puppy? Remember that a couple of years ago. It's just a little horsey oh, it's a horsey. Yeah, those things are huge. I've been around those, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this one, this is a little baby, he won't be small for long, okay, cool. We're getting a lot of action on this bet here too. This is an easy money bet. Costello will be deported by halftime. I'm betting on that one too. Get out of here. Send this boner back to England.
Speaker 2:I'm not brown enough man. I'm not brown enough to be deported. What?
Speaker 1:do you think you're doing All the brown people deporting first? Well, maybe I see it.
Speaker 2:He's in a spot, especially in somewhere like Kansas at this time of year. Hey look brown guy, get him.
Speaker 1:So you fall in a really rare category. You're illegal, but white, no, I'm legal. Now Trump goes, well, I don't care, he can stay Next. You Nope, brown Nope, just for that I'm leaving. You were in the turban, you were in the turban, now you're out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, taking off his turban. Is that man a Jew? Just give me some. It's here. The clamp down is here. Fascists have taken over.
Speaker 1:Bye, bye, bye, bye, deported, back to London. There are worse places to go.
Speaker 2:I tell you what. Somebody offered me a radio job in England. I told my sister this this is the first time in 40 something years I've ever actually considered it. Somebody offered me a job.
Speaker 1:So if you were offered, you'd be working for the BBC 2, bbc 3?
Speaker 2:Oh there's lots of stations. Oh, I'd love to BBC 1. Radio 1 is too kiddy. Radio 2, I could do.
Speaker 1:I'll ask you a question, okay, so we know what radio is like in America now. Not very many people listen to regular terrestrial radio. Is In America now. Not very many people listen to regular terrestrial radio. Is it the same effect in England? The same thing. That radio there is like it is all over the world, just like in the shitter. Nobody listens to it. It's a podcast, baby. It's a podcast. I said baby, I'm Travis Kelsey, did you?
Speaker 2:get the podcast baby. I think that radio is still quite strong because of the BBC. The BBC is quite a strong entity. Although they've tried to screw it up enough times, they put so much onto the Internet, the terrestrial radio is still there, like Radio. 1 was what took over from all the took over from the pirates way back in the 60s. I remember that. Yep, they went and bombed the bloody boat. For Christ's sake, they sunk it Sunk the Amiibo. I mean, there was more than one boat.
Speaker 1:So there's one strong entity left because of the news factor, I guess which is BBC One.
Speaker 2:BBC One is kind of like chart-topping Actually it's more than that. Now They've got BBC One Extra BBC One well, well, not BBC One, it'd be Radio One, radio One Extra Radio One. This, that and the other. Radio One Hip Hop Radio.
Speaker 1:One, but there's a lot of podcasts that come out in England, just as there is that may come out here in America. So a lot of people listen to BBC. They just listen to podcasts. Or you can stream your own music in England, just like you can here. So I would listen to regular terrestrial radio.
Speaker 2:Well, they do still have that, like Radio 4.
Speaker 1:But we still have regular radio in this country as well too. There's no one who listens to it anymore, so you know.
Speaker 2:It's true Even in this funny little town that I awkwardly reside in. I mean plenty of radio stations. I don't know if anybody listens to them or not. Some of them are really quite bizarre.
Speaker 1:Out of desperation. Sometimes I'm in a different car that has no satellite. I don't know where I can put my phone up. I have to turn on regular radio Just to go having to flash back back back. There's hardly any. The only thing I notice is there's really no announcers, it's just pre-recorded digital lines.
Speaker 2:You're listening to music.
Speaker 1:There's just no one talking. They cut it out. When I first moved to Denver years ago, they had live announcers, but now there's just a handful. The only ones that are there are in the most important show, Morning Drive. Thank you very much, but there's nobody to listen to, so I even bought it. It's. It's a bad bad.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know it's awful, it's dreadful.
Speaker 1:But if we were still in the market to buy one, we would cost an hour to buy one. Yeah, it would be live announcers and personality plus all around the clock. That's the way we would do our station. Yes, good.
Speaker 2:Personality would be first Drinking coffee and eating M&Ms at all times. Yeah, personality would be first.
Speaker 1:If we can't hire any personalities, we'd be on split shifts 12 hours for you, 12 hours for me.
Speaker 2:We have enough trouble doing half an hour no not a bit, man, I can go all day.
Speaker 1:So not a problem, don't get me started, I can go all day.
Speaker 2:We are, of course course, the cancelled radio guys just thinking about that on the half hour.
Speaker 1:Um, that sounded right being part of the reason. I was a cancelled radio guy because it wouldn't shut up. Don't say that I can't stop myself. He said what he can't help himself do you know?
Speaker 2:do you know? I was thinking about going to the Waffle House today just for shits and grins and another heart attack. And do you know what they're doing? They're charging an egg surcharge. I can't say I really blame them.
Speaker 1:What is an egg surcharge? Does that mean there's a fee for cracking the egg, or what is?
Speaker 2:that it's an extra fee for having eggs.
Speaker 1:Because the cost of eggs is so high. Is that why, I guess?
Speaker 2:Yep, that's why they're going to an egg surcharge, don't think that's good.
Speaker 1:That's the same as an egg tariff, I guess, right, what's the difference?
Speaker 2:It's a tariff.
Speaker 1:Yes, You're paying a tariff to eat the eggs it's a tariff like this.
Speaker 2:It's the most beautiful word in the American dictionary.
Speaker 1:I love tariff.
Speaker 2:It's genius.
Speaker 1:As he goes, he goes. The most beautiful word in the American dictionary I love his juice. As he goes, he goes. You know, americans may suffer for short term, but they won't mind. Who told you we don't mind? What are you stupid? Of course we mind. I don't even suffer one damn day.
Speaker 1:Have you ever been to a Waffle House before? Oh God, yeah, I want to make sure because you know, being from the South, we're out partying all night by 3 o'clock in the morning. There's no better food at 3 am than going to the Waffle House, Totally shit-faced, and just going. I had the thing I can make it.
Speaker 2:And then they give you whatever they feel like. Oh, here, take this. I have a friend who she worked in a Waffle House. She's a musician now, but when I met her she's just a young lady Got to start somewhere. Very, very attractive In Denver actually.
Speaker 1:Which is off the Springs area.
Speaker 2:And she was around about 17, I guess 18, right about then getting her first job, you know. And her first job was at a Waffle House, and she hated it, needless to say. And what she really hated was walking into the kitchen finding that the other waitress and the cook were having sex on top of the waffles. Hey, make you think again about going to a waffle house. It's like no Baby, baby, give me your waffle. Come on, she said. I just hung it up.
Speaker 1:I'm going to leave a secret behind the whipped butter. That goes with the practice.
Speaker 2:There you go, you got it. Okay, oh gosh, you ain't kidding.
Speaker 1:It's an institution though, man, I'm from a Quapfa house. It's an institution, so I'm sure that if they weren't the first couple to do it, then they won't be the last. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:You know it, you know, it. Hey, you know getting late on the clock. All those ass-griddled pancakes.
Speaker 1:Good, ass-griddled ass. Put some of that butter back there, baby. Oh, I've got a baby. The Kelsey baby again.
Speaker 2:Oh well, oh, more babies.
Speaker 1:well, Can you stand it? I mean, are we ready just to delve right into the Doak Awards? I mean you've got to set the theme and the mood just right for the Doak Awards okay.
Speaker 2:Yes, I am. I am ready for the Doak Awards. Here we go.
Speaker 1:Listen. According to this, according to this According to this. According to this Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to invite you to the Doke Awards. Get your spoons out, play your spoons.
Speaker 2:I'll do this one Very good, Mr.
Speaker 1:Bailey, at this point we'll flash a picture of the Doke on the screens and this is what the Doke Award looks like. It's a set of crooked teeth on a gold stand. So there you go. This year's Doke Award is kind of tied in and related to the Grammy Awards. Okay, this year's Doke Awards are tied into music. Okay.
Speaker 2:Yep Music Music power, power, power, power, power.
Speaker 1:Where'd the West Virginia Hibbley music go? We played that because the original Doke namesake of the Doke Awards is from West. By God, Virginia, Virginia.
Speaker 2:Never been there.
Speaker 1:Oh, would you like that, alrighty, I should be wearing my black tie to get ready to give out these Doke Awards here. I don't want to be putting in those teeth you buy to dress up. Need to be putting in our Billy Bob teeth to do the Doke Awards right.
Speaker 2:They should, but well, I don't know, my teeth are pretty belly-bobbed these days too. Yeah, All right, so we've got the music going. What's our first?
Speaker 1:When's the last time you've been to the dentist?
Speaker 2:Oh Christ, a long time.
Speaker 1:You can win the Lifetime Achievement Doke Award for no dental business.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, I think Doug just walked in the building.
Speaker 1:My neck rib. Get my neck rib. Okay, all right, duke.
Speaker 2:Get rid of it. Shut the hell up.
Speaker 1:Sip it, sip it, sip it, sip it. This song last year was done. The same title was done by two different people. The song Houdini was done by Dua Lipa and Eminem. Both did a song called Houdini. But the first Doke Award of the night goes to Kanye West for his Houdini, because he made his wife's clothes disappear on the red carpet. Oh, I saw that he get the Houdini number one Doke Award because he had his wife butt naked on the red carpet. Oh, I saw that He'd get the Houdini number one don't go work. Because he had his wife butt naked on the red carpet. Not that there's anything wrong with that, because she looks pretty good naked.
Speaker 2:She did look very good naked, I must say.
Speaker 1:They walked the red carpet. Then they asked him to get the hell out and he got in his car and they left. Red carpet pictures, pictures, controversy, leave. That was it. That's the way to do it. He was not allowed in because they're thinking about even charging her with public lewdness. Oh, why doesn't Kanye show up naked?
Speaker 2:Not that I want to see that, but it's as fair as fair.
Speaker 1:Does she like to do that on her own, or does he make her do that? This could be a really big issue, but the Houdini Award goes to Kanye West for making his wife's clothes disappear, and gratefully so on the red carpet. We thank you, kanye.
Speaker 2:Yes, we do, we do, we do.
Speaker 1:Thank you. She looks good. She's got a big degree. She's a smart woman. What the hell is she doing? That's for another day, all right.
Speaker 2:Okay, so Don't go on number two. No.
Speaker 1:Doke. There's actually such a thing as a good Doke Award. This is the first time. Okay, all right For Cowboy Carter.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:That goes to former President Jimmy Carter, showing us what a human being is really supposed to be like. And for you, sir, from my home state of Georgia, I salute you for 100 years of just being a great, great human being.
Speaker 2:So you get the Doke Award.
Speaker 1:Yours is special. It has teeth correction on it, okay.
Speaker 2:The teeth are great. Yeah, well, he deserves it. He did an awful lot of good he did and everybody hated him. It doesn't make any sense. Now, where I come from, we don't Like 50 years later, look what happens. We put a felon in the White House, yeah, you explain that to your grandkids, okay.
Speaker 1:A convicted sex offender twice impeached, felon rapist president.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're missing a few out there, like extortionist thief and more.
Speaker 1:We're doing something wrong. It's like, for example you want to be successful. Okay, let's look at Joe Rogan. Okay, midget lost his hair due to steroids. Oh, midgets.
Speaker 2:You understand there was a midget at the control of that helicopter that crashed into that 737 or 707?.
Speaker 1:The one in DC.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why do you say midget? What do you mean? Midget? That's what President Trump said. Well, it was probably the midget who was in control.
Speaker 1:You mean mental midget, but actually midget is not a politically correct term anymore.
Speaker 2:anyway, Well, I know that, but he used it and said it was the midget who did this, you know.
Speaker 1:Mental midget. Is that what he meant?
Speaker 2:I think he just meant midget period. Well, the guy wasn't, so I don't know where he got that from. No, it's because of the other thing that he stopped, not the Equal Rights Amendment, but the employment where you give everything.
Speaker 1:Oh, the DEI thing okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that.
Speaker 1:But he turned out not to be the minority he thought he was anyway. So he was wrong, wrong and then wrong.
Speaker 2:Oh wrong, wrong, wrong.
Speaker 1:Got like the wrong on the terrace. Okay, are you ready for the third Doke Award? Doke Award number three it's the Pink Pony Club Doke Award. Okay, oh, that goes to the guy we were just talking about, trump, for dissolving the DEI program. There will be no more Pink Pony Club to go to, okay? So Caparon says in her song. It's a place where all boys and girls can go and be queens.
Speaker 2:Not anymore.
Speaker 1:Pink Pony Club. Bye-bye. Thanks to Trumpers. Yep, yep, you'll be in jail next. So Doak Award number three goes to Trump and he gets the special version, the Doak Pink Pony Club Award, doak sorry Picture. Doak wearing a pink tutu. That's your award, okay.
Speaker 2:Let's put a picture of Doak up there, just so that people can see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, throw it up there Once again see him. I feel like I need a shower. I need a shower.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, Ben Ben Moving on.
Speaker 1:We're moving on. The next Doke Award. Okay, it's the Shaboozy Tipsy Song Doke Award that goes to President Biden for his tipsy walk. Like his diaper is full Lovely lovely, lovely, lovely Look if you ever watch him walk, won't say gotta get to the restroom, change my diaper, holy.
Speaker 2:Change your diaper. Well, we're going to have another four years of that, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:Biden.
Speaker 2:No, Biden's gone. Yes, I know, but Trump has a diaper as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a new thing. Okay, trump diaper. Okay, I'm filming that one. Okay, alright, the Flowers Miley Cyrus Doke Award goes to Costello For sending Miley flowers every day and getting absolutely zero response. Oh, baby, yeah.
Speaker 2:I loved it when you were 10. Oh God, Baby, I'm sorry, but then daffodils is going to have to be put on hold. Why did you grow up for it? Oh God, Baby, I'm sorry, but then Daffodils is going to have to be put on hold.
Speaker 1:Why did you grow up for it?
Speaker 2:Oh God, oh newsflash, in case you didn't hear it. When they were talking to Miley, someone said well, what happened to Hannah Montana? She just got this look on her face and said Hannah Montana was murdered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, our dad, she just did. I was a part of it. He got me famous, but it was gone yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you know, when I was at Bally's we did the world's biggest achy-breaky. Yeah, I'm proud of myself for that. Somebody stole his guitar while he was there, just to make him feel at home.
Speaker 1:Is that one of your brilliant radio promotional ideas? To do the achy breaky?
Speaker 2:No, no, no, it wasn't a radio, not my radio thing. I was in charge of sound back then.
Speaker 1:Save that idea for when we get our radio session. Okay, the achy, we'll do the biggest achy breaky.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they'll have forgotten about it by then. Anyway, he'll probably be dead. He brought it back.
Speaker 1:He played at the Trump Inauguration Ball, one of the balls.
Speaker 2:Of course he did, because that's where everybody's brain's at Yep A little stuck in that he blamed his lousy performance on bad equipment, but he really sucked. Oh yeah, bad workman blames his tools. Yeah, it's hard to believe.
Speaker 1:I know how you feel. It's hard to believe that. Oh, miley came from that, oh God.
Speaker 2:Miley.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, as far as we know, Well, that's true, as far as we know. Back to the award ceremony, gang. Okay, enough chit-chat, back to the awards. Okay, here are my hands, the final Doak Award of the evening. Oh, big tremolo. I thought there'd be cheers for that. No more awards. This is the Tortured Poet Society Duke Award, and that goes to the namesake. It goes to himself Duke. Duke Goes to Duke for all the songs he's written that has never been recorded and the book he wrote that was read by 10 people and that counts. Twice by his mother, okay, and once by you and once by me. So Doak is truly a tortured poet. So to you, doak, your old war goes to you, doak. You just keep writing, buddy. One day someone will read something that you write and probably, if you write your own obituary, the business will guarantee you none either.
Speaker 1:I was a great man. I wrote great songs. Screw the dentist.
Speaker 2:I might write a sequel to my book. I'm too busy scraping the crap off my teeth to go to the dentist. Yeah, floss, what the hell is that?
Speaker 1:floss. You get one floss and it would never come out again. You'd have to leave it in there forever. You'd have to surgically remove it. Back then with a piece of amber From 1984.
Speaker 2:Oh lovely. Yes, from the place in South Charleston Probably.
Speaker 1:What was the name of his book? Anyway, you actually read parts of the book?
Speaker 2:Yes, I did. Oh gosh, I can't remember. It was something like my Life and how I Lived it, or something.
Speaker 1:My Life in my Mommy's Basement by Doak, is that it?
Speaker 2:My Life, my Career and and my lack of dentistry.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's it Mommy's basement. I'm out there writing songs in my mommy's basement.
Speaker 2:And all the people that I think that I know, who probably know me but really don't.
Speaker 1:So how many chapters was this book? Was it like two chapters?
Speaker 2:right, I think it was about ten chapters, but it was like each one was a person and I don't think you nor I got even more than uh, like three lines in the book after this. Why would we? This is why we're pissed off at him. How dare you, how dare you not in clues? I mean, come on, we're big time celebrities now.
Speaker 1:We're all around the world again, the thing is with him. We're not evil, we're not Christian.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:He listened to the show for the first time to see what we're doing, and he heard you say damn, and now, that was it. You said damn.
Speaker 2:Damn, smite him, smite him.
Speaker 1:I remember he chastised you. He gave me some crap about it, didn't he? I can't listen to that show because of your language.
Speaker 2:You know what? It wasn't just that, but sometime after, I think, he got really drunk and he went on this tirade and he was extremely rude.
Speaker 1:Mr Southern Baptist religious got drunk.
Speaker 2:He got drunk and gave me a ration of shit. I mean big time I should have kept it. Maybe I still got it somewhere. And he drank. I didn't know he drank Drank beer apparently.
Speaker 1:Apparently lots of it. Just look at this thing it's growing by the minute, holy crap. Come back on the alcohol.
Speaker 2:Zempik won't help you with that, my friend.
Speaker 1:Not with that yeah.
Speaker 2:Not with the alcohol-y no, sir.
Speaker 1:Well, here's your Super Bowl Sundays. This week you got your Doke Award. Now you know what a Doke Award looks like. So if you send us an hate mail going, please don't do that again. I would understand.
Speaker 2:I think maybe we run it dry every other year. I mean we could do it kind of like what is it? Next year we'll do it based on movies.
Speaker 1:Okay, this year was music, Next year the Doke Awards will be based on movies. Okay, we can do that yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I said we're planning my menu for Super Bowl Sunday. I think I'm going to do a combination. I do have a smoker, I do some mean smoked ribs. I'm going to do a combination. I'm going to do I do have a smoker, I do some mean smoked ribs, I'm going to do some ribs, and we're thinking just of the all-American thing, just doing hot dogs and hamburgers. You know, for Super Bowl, place your bets, unless you live in South Carolina where you can't do anything. Yeah, you can Screw your neighbor's wife, that's okay then, are you dog?
Speaker 1:I'm and your sister. There goes. Duke, Get down there. Duke Get down in the basement. Get it there you go. Take a breather. All right, back at it All right, thank you.
