2-9 Frog Shaped Reality And Bad, Bad, Dreams

In which Bethany and Jonas undertake the first task in The Contest.  

inc: The Podcast is:

Chase Guthrie Knueven as The Spokesperson  

Kristen Hasty as Patricia  

Joe Hanson as Desiree  

Allyson Levine as Bethany  

Raimy O. Washington as Jonas  

Stevie Faye as The Overdirector  

Jacob Pfeiffer as Nancy.  

inc: The Podcast is written, produced, and edited, by Monte D. Monteleagre and Alexander Wolfe, and is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop, which now has a Patreon! Join us at www.patreon.com/WolfMountainWorkshop to support our shows and get access to bonus content as well as our exclusive Discord: The Caves of Wolf Mountain.  

You can also find us on our website, https://www.wolfmountainworkshop.org/, which has links to all our socials along with more information about our shows, our merch, and whatever else we feel like putting there. Or you could reach out to us directly at wolfmountainworkshop@gmail.com.

Emotional support for inc: The Podcast is lovingly provided by: Birdie, Rodeo, Jewel, Sakura, Gracie, Luna, Hazel, Kyo, Hamilton, Beau and The Slug. 

New episodes every other Monday. 

Ask yourself: how can M-E, work for me? 

Transcript

EPISODE 9 - Frog-Shaped Reality and Bad Bad Dreams
SPOKESPERSON
DESIREE
BETHANY
INTERCOM
JONAS
NANCY
OVER-DIRECTOR
SPOKESPERSON: People and persons, young virile studs and aged decrepit bags of bones,
The Mental Ennervation Colonies have the newest sensation. From praising your nation to
complete defenestration, don’t do any of it without first knocking back a cold, refreshing, Story
Juice!
Especially and originally formulated for people existing within the creative space, new
legislation has opened up, and we’re proud to present Story Juice to the entire universe!
Carefully crafted from extracts of inebriation, emotional dampening, seeming creative
appreciation, and a special blend that we refer to as “Blend WMW”, Story Juice has been
clinically shown to increase both creativity and creative desire in the very short term -
Static.
(From the previous episode.)
PATRICIA Oh, Bethany…
BETHANY: What was that?
DESIREE: I didn’t say anything.
Static.
SPOKESPERSON: Yes indeed, only Story Juice packs the power, punch, and hatred of lunch
that it takes to fuel our busy creative-types we employ. But is it fair for us to keep that wondrous
technology to ourselves? We took a vote of almost half a percent of our shareholders, and the
resounding answer was, “Yes, it’s absolutely fair, giving this to the universe is a gigantic
problem!” But our accounting and marketing teams refused to bend the knee to the overlords of
good taste, because WE care about YOUR freedom -
Static.
DESIREE: Bethany, I…I think I’m done for the evening…maybe we should both just go back
home now…
BETHANY: (Heavily intoxicated.) You’re not supposed to be here Patricia…
DESIREE: I’m…I’m done playing now, Bethany... You can drop it, let’s just go home.
BETHANY: You can’t keep lying to me Patricia…you can’t keep doing this to me, I won’t let
you…
DESIREE: I’m…Bethany, I’m Desiree, what are you doing -
BETHANY: Get in the BOX, Patricia…
Static.
SPOKESPERSON: So when you need to not care about something just long enough to get that
thing done, there’s only one thing to turn to, Story Juice - available in its original liquid
concoction, or now available with our handy-dandy inhalant device, for those of you that need all
the power of Story Juice without all that waiting for digestion…
Static.
(From last season.)
BETHANY: You’re not sorry you did it, you’re just sorry that it hurt me…
PATRICIA: What do you want? You want me to be sorry? I’m sorry! I’m sorry for anything you
want! I’m sorry for everything!
Static.
SPOKESPERSON: But because we care, and because the Mental Ennervation Colonies are a
responsible collective, our own elected Surgeon General has advised us to make a few things
clear.
Static.
(From last season.)
PATRICIA: Bethany…please…
BETHANY: It’s too late, Patricia.
PATRICIA: Please, Bethany. I’m scared…
BETHANY: Goodbye, Patricia.
PATRICIA: NO! BETHANY -
Static.
SPOKESPERSON: (Quick and fast, like the end of a medication ad.)
Long term exposure to, or use of, Story Juice, Story Juice Light, Story Juice X-Tra Juicy,
or any product within the specific Story Juice line of inebriating supplements has been shown in
several clinical trials to nearly sextuple the risk of:
Violent mood swings,
Lackadaisical-ness,
General Apathy,
Less-Than-General Apathy,
Random Psychosis,
Chronic Wasting Disease,
A Pathetic Outlook on life.
Diarrhea,
Constipation,
Feeling bigger than your particular britches,
Compartment Syndrome
Better Compartment Syndrome,
Headaches,
Next -Day Nausea -
Static.
DESIREE: Bethany, let me out! It’s not funny anymore!
BETHANY: You were never meant to be here Patricia…
DESIREE: I’m not Patricia, you’ve got me in a trash airlock, Bethany, I’m serious!
BETHANY: Jonas and I are happy here. We’re the happiest we’ve ever been…
DESIREE: Help! Somebody, anybody, Bethany’s got me in an airlock! Bethany, please, I don’t
wanna die like this, I don’t wanna die like this, I don’t wanna die like this…
BETHANY: It’s time for you to go. Goodbye, Patricia. For real, this time.
Airlock noise, eventually fading into static.
SPOKESPERSON: Yes, everybody, it’s Story Juice. Finally available to the general public from
the kind folks at the Mental Ennervation Colonies. Visit our website for a wide range of pairings,
apparel, and cocktail recipes. Story Juice - your ticket to wherever you need to go.
Static, mixing with the airlock noise, finally fading out into an alarm clock.
INTERCOM: Senior and non-senior neophytes Jonas and Bethany, this is an automated alarm,
serving both the function of waking you from what we can only assume is a deep and restorative
slumber, as well as the function of informing you that the first task in The Contest has officially
begun.
For the duration, you will be trapped inside your combined living/working space and will
be released if and when the task is completed, and no sooner.
A letter explaining the details of the first task has already been delivered.
SCDP atmosphere noises.
JONAS: (Pretty neutral) Morning, Bethany.
BETHANY: (Under their breath at first) Living and working in a few connected rooms should be
illegal. Morning, Jonas. Heck of a way to start the day, huh?
JONAS: Look at you, standing on your own this morning.
BETHANY: Yeah…you know, I had a big night out a couple of nights ago, but I think I’m in a
pretty good spot right now.
JONAS: That’s…that’s good.
BETHANY: Yeah. Heck of a way to start the day, huh?
JONAS: I don’t know, it had a certain excitement.
BETHANY: Can’t argue with that. Also how do they think they’re going to trap us in - holy crap,
Jonas, our door is closed!
JONAS: Aw, sweet, do you think they fixed it, or just kinda broke it shut?
BETHANY: Well looking at that sparking hole in the wall where the open button used to be is
probably a bit of a clue.
JONAS: We have the worst luck with doors, I swear.
BETHANY: And since that’s the case, maybe we don’t do the black goo this morning. There’s
probably an override if the fire alarm goes off, but if you spill another cup like last week, we
could be in a bit of a sticky situation.
JONAS: Hey, I got you a new comforter and apologized, I’ve done all the right things.
BETHANY: All the same, and it was a lovely apology note with a beautiful borderJONAS: You know what, we’re dropping it. Where’s this letter?
BETHANY: Have you checked your mailbox?
JONAS: Not in like 4 days.
BETHANY: The way you live makes me desperately anxious sometimes.
JONAS: Yeah, no, I get that, me too. Oh hey, you were right, here it is. You wanna do the
honors, my anxiety-riddled neophyte?
BETHANY: Yeah, sure.
“Senior Neophyte Jonas and Neophyte Bethany,
You are tasked with creating a story following a prompt, pulled from a recently received,
shared trauma: the abandonment and death of your once-colleague - Patricia. This information
was gathered as a part of your onboarding, during the scan for mental and spiritual
contamination.
The prompt has been printed below. Please use it to begin your story.
The Contest For Excellence In And Advancement Of Creative Storytelling In The Known
Universe has officially begun.
Silence.
JONAS: Bethany?
(Small pause.)
Bethany, what’s the prompt?
BETHANY: In the final moments of their life, one thought ran through Patricia’s mind, “I’m
alone.”
Musical Interlude.
A short time later.
Pounding on the door.
JONAS: Hey, hey, let us out of here! This is completely…How dare you?! How dare you make
us do this! Is this really what The Contest is? Because that is sick, do you hear me? That is
disgusting thing to make us do!
BETHANY: JonasJONAS: I’ll get to you in a minute, don’t you worry about that, and I thought I told you to put
down the story juice!
BETHANY: They won’t let us out, Jonas, not until we do the story.
JONAS: You think I don’t know that, Bethany? You think I might’ve missed that little detail
somewhere? Yeah, we’re trapped until we do it, and its a nearly impossible thing to do. I
understand the contest, I’m actually TRYING at this job…
BETHANY: That’s unnecessary -
JONAS: No, what’s unnecessary is taking private portions of a person's mind and…and… I
thought this place was supposed to be better than the ship, but it’s just as bad… It’s just the
same cruelty wrapped in a different uniform… And I said PUT DOWN THE STORY JUICE!
BETHANY: It’s the only one I have, it won’t even move the dial. Honestly, I’m just using it to take
the edge offJONAS: No, “honestly” what your using it for is because you have a problem, Bethany, and
everybody knows it, and honestly it’s getting pretty embarrassing to be your Senior, it’s pretty
terrible working with you, and the fact that we have to do this…about that…with you the way
you’ve been… How did this become my life? This was supposed to be better…
Small pause.
BETHANY: Are you done?
JONAS: Are you?
BETHANY: Nope. So let’s talk this through.
JONAS: You know what, no. I wanna hear you admit it. I’m not even gonna try to do any of this if
you can’t even admit it.
BETHANY: Admit what?
JONAS: Just…just so many things at this point, Bethany, but let’s start with the most obvious,
why don’t we?
Small pause.
BETHANY: (Strangely thoughtful) ...did you know I’ve been blacking out, lately?
JONAS: Yeah. It’s pretty obvious.
BETHANY: Yeah, I figured. Anyways, I have. And it’s…disorienting, for that to happen so much.
Not only when you’re in the middle of it, but also when you kinda…pop back into reality. In fact,
you want me to admit something, here’s something: I’m not entirely sure what reality is,
anymore half the time. I’ll be in a meeting or on something that turned out to be a date, or here
working with you and I’ll realize I’m not really doing anything except waiting to wake up again,
and it's a little concerning how long it’s been taking me to realize I’m not dreaming.
JONAS: That’s great but I don’t want a sob story, Bethany, I want you to admit you have a
problem with Story Juice, you literally can’t stop.
BETHANY: You know, I’m seeing a LOT of judgement from the person that actually gave me the
Story Juice for the first time…
JONAS: Oh this is my fault now?
BETHANY: I mean, at least partially, is it not?
JONAS: So if I gave you a hammer and you bashed in your own kneecaps and then threw the
hammer around the office and broke a bunch of stuff, that would be my fault too, huh?
BETHANY: If you knew that I had a problem with hammers, yeah it would!
JONAS: How could I possibly know that? This, story juice, everything is all new for both of us.
BETHANY: You know I’m sensitive to pharmaceuticals! You saw how everything with my anxiety
meds went back on the ship. How could you think this was okay?
JONAS: Okay. Okay, if this is what you need, then okay. I’m sorry for that, Bethany. I’m sorry I
introduced you to a seemingly harmless inhalable liquid from an out of the way vending
machine, given to me by a coworker. My bad on that.
BETHANY: Good, finally! Thank you!
JONAS: Now how about you gather up whatever self respect is actually still inside you, take a
look at yourself, and admit that no matter where it started, you have a problem. You have a
problem, it’s not getting better, and at this point, no matter what started it, it’s all on you.
Pause.
BETHANY: Fine. Fine. I’m either too hungover to function, too far gone to know what’s
happening, or I’m in the tight little window of space where I’ve had just enough so that I can
actually get something done. Like now. So why don’t we use that time, get this thing done, you
can return to rising through the ranks and soon enough you can just leave me behind. It was
only a matter of time, everybody else does.
(Pause)
Is that good enough for you? Can we actually work now?
JONAS: (So close to just giving up.) Fine, Bethany. We can work now.
Musical Interlude.
BETHANY: No, Jonas, I don’t think we have time to create an entire musical. Or, for that matter,
the talent.
JONAS: Bethany, that is exactly the kind of negative thought pattern we can’t get drawn into
right now.
BETHANY: Besides, the format is one thing, we can put it in any format, but we still haven’t
nailed down what our story actually is.
JONAS: Well pitch something then, it seems like I’m the one doing all the brainstorming.
BETHANY: You’re pitching formats, not stories. You know what, fine, I can do that. Um…it all
appears in the format of graffiti in a Waste Removal stall. Now you.
JONAS: Well maybe I could pitch something if I actually knew what happened after I boarded
the escape pod!
BETHANY: I’ve told you!
Pause.
JONAS: Not really, no. You told me once, when you were about to pass out, you told me that
you probably could have saved them. Saved…Patricia. And then when I questioned you on that
the next morning, you told me it got crazy and there was a person with a gun, but then you told
me to drop it because it was too painful, and I did. But not anymore. If we have to do this… I
wanna hear the whole thing.
Pause.
BETHANY: It was just…it was just a moment of…just…talking, I guess. From both of us. You
had boarded early, which was a jerk move by the way, but I’m letting that go, and we… I don’t
know. We talked. They asked if I was going to hate them forever, and I couldn’t really say I
wouldn’t. And I asked them if they regretted what they had done. And they said they didn’t. And
then they tried to apologize, and I looked at them, and then Rose burst in. With a gun. And they
were after Patricia. And I just saw…a way out. And all I had to do…was nothing at all. Finally, I
could just…leave. And so I did. And then you and I watched as it all just…went away.
(Pause.)
It used to be that the Story Juice let me have some time when I wasn’t still thinking about
that over and over, but honestly even that doesn’t work anymore. I see them everywhere. And
honestly…it doesn’t feel like it’ll ever stop.
(Pause)
Is that enough for your brainstorming?
Small pause.
JONAS: I don’t know. But, for what it’s worth, I feel guilty all the time about boarding early. Just
so you know.
Small pause.
BETHANY: (Sincere) Well…thanks for telling me. I know it doesn’t really help, but thanks.
JONAS: Yeah. Yeah, let’s do this, I guess…
Musical Interlude.
BETHANY: And this is really the direction you wanna go with it?
JONAS: Yeah.
BETHANY: You don’t think it’s…disrespectful?
JONAS: I think it’s the most respectful. They wanted us to write a story about our Patricia, but
they never said we had to. We just had to use their stupid little prompt. So this isn’t our Patricia.
This is a different Patricia, and the story is completely new. They wanna try to screw with us,
well, they better try a heck of a lot harder.
BETHANY: And you think they’ll be okay with that?
JONAS: I think that if they’re not, they can lick the moldiest parts of your oldest, wettest boots.
BETHANY: Always with the boots, my boots are not that badJONAS: Alright, you wanna read over it one last time before we submit it?
BETHANY: Yeah, sure, fine. Out loud again?
JONAS: Might as well. Easier to see if anything sounds weird. And speaking of weird, I actually
got that tip from graffiti on the inside of a Waste Removal stall, like, 5 or 6 hallways over. This
place has odd vandalism.
BETHANY: I’ve noticed that too. You wanna start?
JONAS: Sure thing. Here we go.
In the final moments of their life, one thought ran through Patricia’s mind, “I’m alone.”
The strangest of thoughts, and quite possibly the first time one of the frog-shaped beings of
Proxima 1 had ever had cause to think that particular thought. Blessed with a low-level telepathy
that was bestowed on their species by a low level trickster god whom had once visited to
perform some low-level miracles. The frog shaped beings had just enough telepathy to get a
vague sense of what every other frog shaped being felt at that exact moment, but not enough to
gain much from it, and quite importantly, without the ability to turn it off.
BETHANY: Shockingly, this had never bothered a single frog-shaped being. Except Patricia.
Patricia was the first, last, and only frog-shaped being to have a problem with it, but a problem is
exactly what they had. A problem they were determined to solve.
Patricia did all the things that frog-shaped beings do when they needed to solve a
problem. They stared at a lake. They squished around in the mud a little bit. They consulted
their local library. They looked at their tea leaves, and then rotated the cup and looked at them
again. They even threw a bunch of spare change in the air and watched it glisten in the light.
And finally they decided that they would have to speak with the Old Wise One, the smartest and
most enlightened of the frog-shaped beings.
JONAS: The Old Wise One listened to the complaints of Patricia. They heard how desperately
Patricia yearned for just a moment, just a single moment, of complete and total mental silence.
It was their life’s greatest work, Patricia said, because one day there just might come another
just like Patricia, and maybe even more than that, and they didn’t deserve to suffer as Patricia
suffered, though currently they suffered alone.
The Old Wise One closed one eye slowly, then the other, and then opened and shut the
first eye again just for good measure. Finally their voice croaked out, strong and true:
“You will find the answer that you seek
When you have climbed the highest peak.”
BETHANY: The climb was treacherous, for the highest peak on the entirety of Proxima 1 was
located in the far cold north, just south of the north pole, and just west of a very lonely truck
stop, staffed by not very lonely people. Patricia had purchased the services of a guide, and it
was a good thing too, because the guide brought things like knowledge, and food.
Camped for a final night just below the peak, Patricia slept fitfully, fighting the altitude
and building excitement, and dreaming in snatches and starts about what might be. When the
sun broke that next morning, a summit push was made, and there, as Patricia crested the final
rocky outcropping, they saw what could only be described as the remnants of a low-level
trickster god, strewn across the firmament, having fallen victim to an ill-timed meteor shower at
some point in the distant past.
Patricia cried out in anguish, sure that this was the end, and their cries were so sudden
and startling that they sent the guide tumbling over the edge, where they dashed their
frog-shaped brain to pieces on the rocks below.
And Patricia felt something in their brain quiet, ever so slightly. And they realized that the
answer might just be in front of them.
JONAS: When they returned home, Patricia became the single greatest serial killer that
frog-shaped being society had ever seen. Famous for the ferocity in which they annihilated the
head of their victim, and just how quickly they could devastate and destroy an entire community.
For almost 67 years they did their bloody work, and on their 88th birthday they finally
threw the head of the newest Old Wise One into the grand bonfire they had built especially for
this occasion, and they listened with the part of their mind that had never known a moment of
true silence. Their eyes welled with tears, and their frog-shaped heart finally stopped, for the
work was finally done.
In the final moments of their life, one thought ran through Patricia’s mind, “I’m alone.”
Musical Interlude.
JONAS: So what, you think we just call them on the intercom, or…?
BETHANY: Can our intercom call back? I thought it was totally one way?
JONAS: I’ve got a button in my quarters.
BETHANY: And you’re just telling me this now?
JONAS: It never really mattered before.
BETHANY: I…you know what, that’s fair.
Small pause.
BETHANY: Today was…well, not good, but…I don’t know…cathartic? It was nice to write this
with you. A full story.
JONAS: I’m glad we just decided to have fun with it.
BETHANY: Me too. Hopefully it’s actually what they wanted.
JONAS: Hey, they gave us the prompt. They didn’t say that it had to be all sad and depressing.
We did our job. It’s a good story.
BETHANY: It is a good story. Nice job today, Boss.
JONAS: Right back at you, Neophyte. Hey, do you think the Sub-Director is gonna break the
door again or actually let us have one that works now?
BETHANY: Maybe if we don’t bring it up, they’ll just forget that was ever a thing.
JONAS: We have such bad luck with doors, I swear…
BETHANY: You’re telling me. Where’s that button?
JONAS: Ooh, yeah, let’s get this turned in and get a cup of black goo in us, I’m tired.
BETHANY: Why don’t we go out for it? I know a coffee shop with a really sad barista.
Fade out.
Musical Interlude.
OVER-DIRECTOR: (Caring and paternal) Come in, come in, come in, Nancy, please have a
seat.
NANCY: Thank you, Over-Director.
OVER-DIRECTOR: You apparently sounded so perturbed on the phone that my secretary
insisted we schedule you in for as immediate an appointment as possible.
NANCY: Yes…yes, Over-Director…it’s…it’s…
OVER-DIRECTOR: Out with it, young Neophyte, this is a safe place here, speak your mind.
NANCY: I…I think something bad happened to my Senior Neophyte, Desiree.
OVER-DIRECTOR: My goodness…that’s very worrying indeed. What makes you say that?
NANCY: They’ve been gone for almost 3 days now and…
Pause.
OVER-DIRECTOR: And what?
NANCY: And…you know how the things that get ejected sometimes get pulled into orbit for a
little while…?
OVER-DIRECTOR: I do, yes.
Pause.
NANCY: Desiree’s body is stuck on an antenna outside our window.
OVER-DIRECTOR: (Fine with it) And?
END.