Bloom Your Mind

Ep 116: Everybody's a Snowflake

• Marie McDonald

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Two things stop people from taking action on the ideas that they have to make their own lives, their communities, their workplaces, families, and the world a better place. 

  • They think that they’re not special enough…or 
  • They think they’re too special to work hard for it.  

Both of these beliefs are just as harmful, because both of them rob the world of what what we have to give. 

Both of them are about seeing ourselves as different, special, and other. 

They are two different sides of the same coin, or for today’s purposes- two different sides of the same snowflake. 

We all have these snowflake moments! There’s no shame in it as long as we call it what it is; a snowflake moment. A moment where we think we’re a little more or less special than everyone else. 

Because it’s okay to be a snowflake if that means you realize you are a once ever happening complete miracle of a human being that has drop dead gorgeous things to do and say and be in the world. 

AND if you realize that everyone else is just that special too. 

It’s a freaking blizzard out there. When we can overcome our separateness and illusions of otherness, that’s when we start really living with the freedom and the power to make our ideas real. 

What you’ll learn in today’s episode: 

  • Examples of the snowflake moments that sneak up on us 
  • What become possible when we realize that we’re incredibly special, and that everyone else is too 
  • How entitlement and self depreciation both step from ego 
  • How freedom from both of those things allows us the self worth to walk away from anything that detracts from our power
  • How clarity, peace, passion and curiosity replace snowflake syndrome
  • How we can begin to hear the whispers of possibility that have always been there, when the snowflake noise dies down 

Freedom, healing, and ideas that create a better world come when every single one of us realizes that we are in fact undeniably and unbelievably special…and EVERYONE else is too. 

Because the only way that we can have a snow pack is if we allow ourselves to be a snowflake. AND the only way that we can have a snow pack is if we understand that everybody else is one too.

How to connect with Marie:

JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Bloom your Mind Podcast, where we take all of your ideas for what you want and we turn them into real things. I'm your host, certified Coach Marie McDonald. Let's get into it. Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 116 of the Bloom your Mind podcast. We're going to talk about snowflakes today. We are, and I wanted to tell you first that I just got back from a plane trip.

Speaker 1:

I just landed from a plane ride to San Francisco, where I used to live for like eight years, and I, for the last two days, facilitated a retreat with my magnificent co-founder and principal of an organization called Bloom Leadership, and she and I facilitated this retreat for a group of change makers, really teaching them how to communicate and give feedback, how to listen, how to lead. We led them through a bunch of strategic planning stuff and God, it just feels incredible to spend time like that doing what I feel always like I am in the zone when I am leading a retreat, when I am speaking to a group and facilitating a group and coaching groups. It is just so awesome and I am so grateful to be doing that work, and also not just that I feel so in the zone, but I'm doing this work with someone I adore who also is super passionate about this work. But this work is just so world changing because everything comes down to communication, all types of leadership come down to communication. When, if everyone in every organization could really truly listen, actively listen and problem solve, could give feedback that wasn't all muddied by black or white thinking and their mind before they decide how to act, organizations would be so much more effective Entrepreneurs, relationships. It's just so cool to facilitate workshops around feedback, communication, listening, relationships, leadership and just see people blossom and change, because we know that the ripple effect of that is organizations being more effective at the things they're trying to do, and we tend to work with change-making organizations a lot, so it's really cool. So, anyways, I just am so fulfilled by that work that I wanted to celebrate more people doing the work of training their leaders to listen and communicate. Well, so exciting.

Speaker 1:

And now I'm going to talk a little bit about this idea of snowflakes. I know you're wondering what I'm talking about, okay. Well, there are two things that I see holding people back as I coach them in the bloom room, as I coach them individually to make their ideas for what they want in their own lives. Maybe that's changes in their own physical body, their own living environment, relationships, those ideas or the communities that they're a part of, or the world, like you know starting organizations or you know making changes in the world. There are two things that I see holding people back the most, and they all live in the mind.

Speaker 1:

Two things stop people from taking action on the ideas that they have to make their lives, their communities, their workplaces and families in the world a better place. Lives, their communities, their workplaces and families in the world a better place. Those two things are that they either think they're not special enough, they're not worthy, or they don't have something unique to give. That's one of the two things. Or the second thing is they think they're different than everyone else, or that it should be easier for them, they should get more unique opportunities, they should have been discovered, it should work out without effort. It's too hard.

Speaker 1:

Each of these things is just as harmful as the other. Whether an individual thinks they're not special enough or they're too special, both of those things are just as harmful to the world, because both of those ways of thinking stop people in their tracks and rob the world of what we have to give have to give. Both of them are about seeing ourselves as different, special and other than everybody else. They're two different sides of the exact same coin or, for today's purposes, the exact same snowflake. We think we're a snowflake because things are different for us, whether that's because we think we're special or because we think we're a snowflake because things are different for us, whether that's because we think we're special or because we think we're not. Either of those beliefs or moments where we're thinking this way, either of those ways of thinking, rob the world of the goodness that we can give it.

Speaker 1:

And so often I work with people that don't realize that they're in a snowflake moment. And you know, we all have them. We all have these moments where we're a little victim-y or a little down on ourselves, and there is no shame in that. It's all good. We all have these moments, but let's call them what they are. We all have these moments, but let's call them what they are.

Speaker 1:

What would happen if, instead of diving down into that feeling of I have nothing unique to say, I just like all these people around me, they're so special, they're so amazing, they're doing such great things and I just don't have anything, instead of diving into that moment or into the other moment. That's like, oh, it's just too hard. Everything is just nothing comes easy to me and it comes easy to other people and I just like I have to work too hard at this and I'm just not getting opportunities. Instead of diving into that moment, what if we just call it what it is and realize, hey, we're having a bit of a snowflake moment and we shake it off because it's okay to have those moments. We're human and it's okay to be a snowflake. If that means that you realize that you are a once ever happening complete miracle of a human being that has drop-dead gorgeous things to do and say and be in the world, and if you realize that everybody else is too, you get to be a snowflake. As long as you know that everybody else is a snowflake too. It's a freaking blizzard out there.

Speaker 1:

And when we get past our separateness and illusions of otherness, of being not special enough or more special than everybody else, that's when we start really living. And the reason I wanted to bring this up today is because there's this whole thing of like special snowflake syndrome, where someone thinks that they're special, they think that they're different, they think that what they're experiencing is different than what everybody else is, and I just want to address that. That's true, it's just true of every single one of us, every single one of us. And when we can realize that we both get to be, ultimately, completely unapologetically, gorgeously special and not more special than anybody else, dang, that's when life gets really good. And I also want to say again that all of us have these moments of believing both things that we're just not as special as the people around us and that we're more special than the people around us. And it's all right to have these little moments. Let's just get ourselves back out of them, shake them off, laugh about it, know that all the other snowflakes have those moments too. It's all good, right. So here are some examples of how I see this happening for people.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes we have this feeling I'm working so hard, I've just worked so hard and I haven't gotten a break. Or I just work so hard day in and day out. Or I do all the work in the house, I do all the work in the family, I do all the work at work. Right, we have a feeling that we're working so hard and I just invite us when we're in that kind of a moment to know that everybody else is working really hard too, and to even maybe start to recognize verbally, if we can, if not, just do it in our minds and start to try to recognize how hard everybody else is working too. So in a relationship, one of the primary things that couples argue about when we have families is how hard we're working. I'm working so hard, no, I'm working so hard. When we have that feeling ourselves, the best medicine is to give the other person what we want for ourselves. So if we want recognition for how hard we're working, start to give recognition to other people for how hard they're working, and just watch the magic that happens to other people for how hard they're working, and just watch the magic that happens.

Speaker 1:

You know another funny one that I see happening I just love my kids more than anything in the world. My kids are just the most special human beings on the planet. They're just so special. They're my world. That is so true. And guess what? Everybody else's kids are the most special kids in the entire world too. You get to love your kids more than anyone has ever loved a kid before. And guess what? All the other parents out there love their kids more than anyone has ever loved a kid before. Also, we get to feel that way, but not more than other people. We get to have the hard losses of people that we love that we lose, and know that those hard losses are not harder than the losses that other people have gone through too.

Speaker 1:

We can know that we can deserve respect. We can know that we can deserve to have respect and have people show us that respect and speak to us with that respect with their body language, with how they address us. We can know that we are queens and kings walking around the world and that everybody else deserves that respect just as much as we do. So again, in those moments where we feel like we deserve more respect, we can start by treating other people with the respect that we're looking for and just watch what magic happens. So good.

Speaker 1:

A couple of other things that I see happening is when people feel like they deserve to be recognized or promoted or lifted up or discovered, and in those moments where we really feel like we deserve that, how can we just know that we do deserve that and not any more than anybody else deserves that? Pretty cool right. Just watch how freeing it feels, when you really let go of any of that superiority and you just understand you do deserve all of the success, but not more than anybody else deserves it. I also see when people feel like I am just so busy and I have such important things to do. When you really feel like that, how might you start to notice how busy other people are or how important the things that they have to do are just as important as yours? Or if it feels like life has been really hard? The more times that I lead retreats and workshops and the more time that I spend coaching human beings that trust me with the most precious thing that they have, which is their story and their truth and their lived experience, the more I understand. Everybody has had a rock bottom. Everyone has had a rock bottom. Everybody has lived through really hard stuff, and if we can just know that our hard stuff is so hard and not harder than anybody else's, there's so much freedom and connection and lightness in that, when we can validate how special and hard and unique and wonderful and terrible and whatever it is that we're experiencing is, and also know that it's no more any of those things than any of the beautiful human beings around us.

Speaker 1:

What happens when we know this? Let me tell you, when we know we are a special, special snowflake are you sick of me saying that? Yet I love it when we're a special snowflake and everybody else is too. What it creates is 100% responsibility for our actions, 100% permission to get out there and create our own reality. Change the world, turn our ideas into real things, one after another after another, but do it with zero entitlement, because we don't deserve anything more than anybody else. And zero comparison. Right that compare and despair vibe. We stopped doing that because we're all on a hero's journey and our hero's journey is epic, but no more epic than anybody else's. So we have zero superiority complex because you are a special snowflake and everyone else is too. It is a blizzard when we realize that, when we understand that every single one of us is a world-shaking, cycle-breaking, beautiful miracle of a beast walking around. That's when the world changes for the better.

Speaker 1:

I have my son is in a baseball league and I watch the coach who is coaching his baseball team, and at first the coach texted me after the first couple games and told me how special my son was, and I was like God. This is incredible. He's really feeling it, he really sees my kid and I was like, oh, he really sees him, right. And then I realized he's doing this for every single kid. And then I started watching this incredible coach and he is treating every single one of the kids on his team as a little king, as a little universe, as a little miracle, because he knows that every, he knows this, every single one of them is everything, and so he interacts with every single one of them like a sleeping giant, you know, like the next baseball star of the next generation. Every single one of them gets to be that in his eyes and he interacts with every single one of them like that.

Speaker 1:

And what happens?

Speaker 1:

When all of us are that beast in our own eyes and everybody else is that beast in our eyes too? We stop living to meet other people's expectations, because what is the point of that when we have nothing to prove? That's when we stop being distracted by our body size and the shape of our nose, the color of our skin, the wrinkles on our skin, and we let all that mental space be taken up instead with our passions, our curiosity, our love of life, because we're once ever happening, snowflake. We're perfect the way we are, so we stop worrying about it, and all that mental space is taken up with all the good stuff. It's when we fall head over heels in love with ourselves in that way where we walk away from anything and anybody that makes us feel unworthy because we have our own back so hard. We will not waste a moment of our time allowing ourselves to be made to feel small or waste a moment of our time making anybody else feel small.

Speaker 1:

And when we clear our minds like that, knowing we are spectacularly special and everybody else is too, our time is incredibly valuable, and not more than anybody else's time. It gives us enough space in our minds and enough peace to start listening to the whispers of possibility, the little sparks of ideas. We have enough energy and motivation to start acting on those ideas for how our little worlds, the health of our bodies, our minds, our homes and relationships, how those could be better Ideas for the communities we live in. Little fun ones. Little fun ideas to go dancing, or fun ideas for a book club, or fun ideas for, you know, like a community activism campaign that's going to start changing the things we really care about in our communities. Or ideas for the big world, humanity and the planet, no matter what size the ideas.

Speaker 1:

We start hearing those little glittering ideas because our brain has space and peace and curiosity in it, and that's when we start taking actions to make those ideas real, because we know we're worth it and everybody else is worth it too. Our ideas are worth it and their ideas are too. That's when we know that the only way that we can have a snowpack is if we allow ourselves to be a snowflake, and the only way we can have a snowpack is if we understand that everybody else is one too. So how can you treat yourself and everybody around you like a little bit more of a miracle today and tomorrow and the next day? That's what I've got for you today, and I will see you next week.

Speaker 1:

If you like what you're hearing on the podcast, you gotta come and join us in the Bloom Room. This is a year-round membership where we take all of these concepts and we apply them to real life in a community where we have each other's backs and we bring out the best in each other. In a community where we have each other's backs and we bring out the best in each other, we're all there to make our ideas real, one idea at a time. I'll see you in the Bloom Room, thank you.