Ep 165: Imposter Syndrome

We’ve all felt some version of it at some moment in our lives; some more than others. Often, the people who experience it most intensely are the people you would least expect.

Imposter syndrome can come for leaders. Founders. Experts. High-achievers who are objectively doing incredible work.

And yet privately they’re thinking things like:

• I don’t belong here.
• They might see through me.
• I don’t know enough.
• I’m not at the caliber of the people around me.
• I’m not okay with this, but I can’t say it out loud. 

In this episode, I share a different way of understanding imposter syndrome based on both psychological research and years of coaching leaders and entrepreneurs.

Because over time I began noticing something fascinating: almost every time someone experiences imposter syndrome, something is being hidden.

Not because they’re a fraud—but because there’s a thought, doubt, disagreement, lack of preparation, or truth they don’t feel safe expressing.

When we understand that, imposter syndrome stops being something to “fix” and becomes a signal we can listen to.

In this episode, I share a personal story of experiencing imposter syndrome while leading a company-wide meeting, moments where I stepped into new roles I hadn’t fully embodied yet, and what I’ve learned from supporting clients through this same experience.

We explore how imposter syndrome works psychologically, why it shows up so often in high-achieving people, and how to work with it in a way that leads to more authenticity, confidence, and growth.

What you’ll learn in this episode: 

• What imposter syndrome actually is and why it often shows up in high achievers
 • The common thoughts that create the feeling of being an imposter
 • My core observation: imposter syndrome often appears when we’re hiding something or being inauthentic
 • How the brain’s threat detection system contributes to these feelings
 • Why stepping into new roles or identities can trigger imposter syndrome
 • How environments and power dynamics can amplify imposter feelings
 • The difference between self-doubt that needs coaching and signals that something in your environment needs to change
 • Why authenticity is one of the most powerful antidotes to imposter syndrome

We’ll close with three ways to work through imposter syndrome, so that you can own your own voice, your space, your ideas, and sometimes- ask for backup to help you do that. Because imposter syndrome isn’t proof that you don’t belong.

Often it’s a sign that:

• You’re growing into something new
 • Something in the environment needs to shift
 • Or there’s a truth inside you that wants to be expressed

The antidote isn’t perfection. It’s authenticity.

Showing up honestly, owning what you know, owning what you’re still learning, and saying the unseen out loud when it doesn’t feel quite right, allows us to step through impostor syndrome and keep stepping forward with all of our moxie. 

How to connect with Marie:

• On the Web | The Local Bloom
• Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
• All Things Marie on LinkTree

JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!

Transcript

Introducing Imposter Syndrome

The Zoom Story Of Inauthenticity

New Title, New Self-Concept

Memorizing vs. Owning The Room

The Hidden Thing Pattern

Culture And Imposter Dynamics

Brain Science Of Social Threat

Treat It As Data, Not Truth

Three Tools: Coach, Feel, Name It

Stretching Safely: Green To Yellow Zone

Close: Authenticity Over Perfection

Join The Bloom Room

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome to the Blue in Your Mind Podcast, where we take all of your ideas for what you want and we turn them into real things. I'm your host, certified coach Marie McDonald. Let's get into it. Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 165 of the Bloom Your Mind podcast. It's a fun week. The very day that this is being released, we are also starting our Love and Moxie class, which is a three-day masterclass spread across three weeks with all of my thought leadership and concepts and practices and coaching techniques around relationships, or a lot of them anyway, rolled into these three days on setting your relationship up for success, navigating conflict, and then daily habits to keep your relationship fresh. And I'm so excited about these three days. We have a bunch of people signed up. And if you can't make it or you haven't seen it, don't worry because we're recording it and you can get all of the same content afterward. And you can just go grab the link, I'll send it out and watch that content later if you would like it. I love focusing on love and relationships, so it's been really fun to build this course and review all this material. Today we're talking about imposter syndrome. I want to talk about it in a slightly different way than you may have heard before, or at least I don't hear people talk about it in this way. Because while there's a lot of good research about imposter syndrome, and we'll talk about some of that here, I've also noticed something very specific after years of coaching women leaders and all kinds of entrepreneurs through their imposter syndrome. There's a pattern that I see every single time. And once I saw it, I could not unsee it. You know how that goes? So first I'm going to start with a story. A story about when I felt like an imposter. I was standing in front of my computer, and it was during COVID. I was looking at all of the Zoom tiles of like 60, 70 people that were on a Zoom meeting that I was leading. And I was one of the leaders of this company presenting some new policies to the organization. And as I was up there speaking and rolling out these policies that the whole leadership team we had all agreed on and we had decided this is how it was gonna go, I felt so weird. And I remember looking at all their faces and feeling like my face was a little bit hot and stumbling on my words a little bit, or at least it felt like it. I mean, afterwards I checked in with a couple people and they were like, no, you seem totally normal. Inside, I did not feel normal. I felt awkward. I felt like they could see right through me. I felt imposter syndrome. And not the mild kind, the kind where your body feels tight, your brain is like spinning, and you're suddenly very aware that everyone's looking at you and you don't know what they're gonna see. So the thought in my mind was like, ugh, I feel so uncomfortable. And I didn't look under that to see what the other thoughts were until years later when I realized this pattern that I see in all my clients. I looked back at the three situations that I remember feeling imposter syndrome, and this one was the absolute biggest, and I remember exactly how I felt. So I looked back and I was like, what was I thinking? And I I remember I was not fully on board with the policy I was rolling out. I did not fully buy in. I did not fully believe it was best for all of our staff, and it really bothered me. But I knew that I had already voiced those concerns. We had all just gotten on board, and I was rolling that out, but I had a feeling of inauthenticity. I had a feeling that I was the face of this policy that I did not fully believe in. I was the one presenting it, but internally I had a lot of conflict about it. And I realized the fear is that I was hiding something. I was being inauthentic. There was a fear that someone might see right through me and know that I didn't think this was the best thing. They might notice the hesitation, they might realize I don't feel fully aligned. And I felt like, why am I presenting this? I know we have to do it, but I don't dig this. And I did not have the tools back then to realize what was going on for me, to understand ahead of time. I just, you know, I wasn't there yet. But looking back, I was hiding something, not intentionally. I was trying to get myself there and like take one for the team and just roll something out, but I am not good at that. And I definitely felt so strongly that that discomfort of just not being fully on board with yourself. Now, I remember a couple of other times and I looked back on them to try to identify them. Once was when I got a new title and a new role, and I wasn't, I hadn't fully evolved my own sense of self to meet it yet. So when I was introducing myself in that new as that new title, that vice president title, uh, I was a vice president of communications. I felt that imposter syndrome. Like, oh my God, can I say this? Is this really me? What does this mean? Am I up to this task? And so there was a thing there, this feeling of like, what if they see I'm not up to it? Right. That is very, very traditionally associated with imposter syndrome. There were other times when imposter syndrome has shown up. I I haven't had a ton of it, I have to say, but when I thought back, I recognized glaringly the moments I had felt it because it was so unique. There was another time when I used to, I have led over a hundred retreats. I have done so much public speaking. And my go-to used to be to uh memorize every single word of a training that I would do. It was really important to me. And one time when I didn't memorize every single word, I had imposter syndrome. It was like, what if they know? What if they, what if I don't show up? What if they ask me a question I don't know? What if I lose my place? It's this feeling of hiding something. Like I hadn't gotten comfortable enough in front of groups, apparently, to just be like, oh, I forgot my line, or, you know, I hadn't developed that much as a speaker. Now I just make myself bullet points and talk away, right? But all three of those things, there was something that was inauthentic in me in the moment. And that is what I see in my clients all the time. And not only is that the thing, something hidden, something inauthentic, something we're telling ourselves we're not allowed to say out loud, that we can't actually claim how we feel, or that we are gonna be found out. That's what I find for my clients. But I also find that the opposite is true. It actually makes the imposter syndrome go away when we unhide the hidden thing. Sometimes that means actually saying what we're uncomfortable with. It means owning wherever we're at, just like I said with public speaking, like if we don't can't answer a question, we say, I don't know the answer to that question. There's no imposter syndrome there, right? But when we're trying to pretend we know the answer, when we don't, that's when imposter syndrome kicks in. But the other thing is sometimes it takes self-coaching to get our mindset to a different place because the thing that we're telling ourselves might not be true. We're telling ourselves something false. We're believing that thought that we're automatically having, and then we're afraid of getting found out for thinking we're not good enough or whatever it is. Now there's another type of research that shows that some imposter syndrome is culturally reflective of an environment that actually creates an imposter syndrome for people because of how individuals are responded to in that culture. And I think that is a whole other can of worms. It is, though, right in line with this feeling that I can't say that I don't agree with what's happening. I'm not allowed to say that I don't feel comfortable, that this isn't okay with me. I'll get found out, I'll get called out. So that inauthenticity in that situation is the same that creates imposter syndrome. The options for what to do next can be different. The options for what we do in that situation might require hooking up with individuals that can be allies to support us. It might require support and help and advocacy, that can be a different situation. So let's go back to this origin of the feeling of inauthenticity. So when it happens, when we when we're hiding something, it's like our nervous system is saying, you're a little exposed here. And the people who experience imposter syndrome the most who say this to me are the people you would least expect, the ones who look incredibly confident, the ones who are clearly excellent at what they do, the ones who are killing it in their field. Unless you've studied imposter syndrome, that's surprising. It was surprising to me, but research confirms it. The term imposter phenomenon was first identified by psychologists Pauline Clantz and Suzanne Emez in the 1970s. And they found that many highly accomplished people secretly believed their success was undeserved and they had a fear of being found out. So they're hiding the belief that they don't deserve to be where they are. When I listen to clients describing imposter syndrome, what I hear them saying, the thoughts underneath it are usually some version of, I don't belong here. They might see through me, I don't know this well enough. I'm not at the caliber of the people around me. I don't actually know what I'm talking about. And those thoughts create discomfort. But over time, I started noticing the deeper reality that even more than the thought itself is the fear that someone will find out that we're thinking it. So it's the fear of being visible and letting our authentic selves be seen. So almost every time someone experiences imposter syndrome, they're hiding something or they're being inauthentic. Now, let me be clear about what I mean. I don't mean that they're actually a fraud or trying to fool people. What I mean is that something is not being authentically reflected. So maybe they're hiding a doubt, a disagreement, a lack of preparation, uncertainty, a truth they don't feel safe saying. Or sometimes they're hiding something from themselves, pretending they're okay with something that they're not okay with, pretending they know something they don't know, pretending they believe something they actually question. So the tension becomes if people could see what I'm actually thinking right now, what would happen? The fear of exposure is what creates the feeling. And when we understand that, imposter syndrome just becomes incredibly useful information. So before I get into what we can do about imposter syndrome, I want to also remind us that there's a biological reason that imposter syndrome feels so intense. Our brains are wired to detect threats. And one of the biggest threats that our nervous system registers is social rejection. So the brain's structures involved in that threat detection, like the amygdala, are constantly scanning the environment. We know that humans evolved as tribal animals, and for most of our history, we had to belong to a group in order to survive. So the brain is very sensitive to any social signal that we might be exposed or excluded. So when our brain tells us, if people see me, this is gonna be a disaster, I'll be kicked out of the tribe. If people find out what I'm thinking, it's gonna be horrible. It might mean death. That creates a very intense feeling of imposter syndrome. It's like a full body experience. All right. So the first thing to remember is just because we think it, it doesn't make it true. Just because your brain produces the thought, I don't belong here, it doesn't make it a fact. It just means your your brain produced the thought. And our brains produce thousands of thoughts a day, and many of them are influenced by negativity bias, fear, threat detection, threat scanning, habitual ways of thinking, which means the moment we notice those thoughts, we have an opportunity to coach ourselves and change our thinking. So one of the most powerful things you can do is treat imposter syndrome as a signal. That's it. It's data, it's a flag. Instead of believing the story in your head and doubling down on it, which usually involves like shame and embarrassment, pause and ask, where am I hiding from myself or other people? Where am I not being honest with myself? What am I pretending right now? What am I pretending to be okay with or pretending to know? Where am I not being authentic? Maybe I'm not speaking up about something I'm not okay with. Maybe when you answer that question, the answer is really practical. Maybe you do really need to prepare more. That's easy. Prepare more next time. Maybe you need more data on something. That's okay. Do that. But sometimes, oftentimes, the answer's a lot deeper. The emotions telling you something about the environment that you're in or about your own mindset. So over the years, I've seen people handle imposter syndrome beautifully in three main ways. Number one is self-coaching. Use the regenerative thought model. Ask yourself, what am I thinking? What's the feeling in my body? When I think that thought and feel that feeling, how am I acting? And what's the result of that? How is that proving the thought true? Go back to that thought, that's one sentence in your mind, and think, is that thought true? Is it a fact? Because everything that's not a fact is optional. Is it helpful for me to think that? Is there a better way to think about this that might lead to a better result? This is classic cognitive work. It's how to use the model. So you interrupt the negativity bias and replace it with something more accurate. So in the case of they might see through me and I'm not actually on board with this, I might understand that model. If I could pause time, I might understand that and think, oh, I actually am either going to have somebody else present this, or I'm going to present more authentically. And I'm going to say, hey, these are some new policies. We think, you know, these are this is what we've decided on. Some of us have major concerns with this. I want to listen to all of the concerns that you have. I'll have a listening session after this meeting. I could have been much more authentic if I had realized how I felt before I was right in the situation. So that's the first one is to do a model, check it out, see what behavior you want to change or what thoughts you want to change. Number two, listen to the emotion. So feelings carry information, they're data. And when we have a feeling, instead of shoving it down or pretending it's not there, when we have a feeling that goes with imposter syndrome, so anxiety or fear usually or shame, check in with a feeling. Drop down into your body. Where is the feeling in your body? What is it trying to tell you? Sometimes it's going to tell you something about the culture that you're in. Maybe the environment's creating an imposter dynamic. Maybe there's a power imbalance. Maybe you need allies. Maybe you need to advocate for yourself. Maybe you need help. Sometimes speaking truth to power requires support. Maybe when you drop into that feeling, it's just going to tell you that you have some self-doubt. You need to build up your confidence. You need to build up your self-concept and your belief in yourself. Maybe you need some support with that. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're going to drop in your body and you're like, oh, I've been procrastinating. That's why I feel like this. I got to do more practice. I got to do more prep. I got to feel like I'm in integrity when I show up. And then I'm not going to want to hide anything. Whatever that data is, it'll be important for you. And third, name the inauthenticity. So name what's happening. It's super brave. It can be incredibly powerful. Sometimes saying something simple like, I'm about to present this, but I'm feeling a little nervous. Y'all have my back, right? So you're calling out the feeling that you have instead of hiding it and asking for people to show up. Or this is a new role for me, and I'm still like getting used to calling myself a vice president. It feels weird still. Do you see how that just like eliminates all the hiding, takes away the awkwardness and just calls a spade a spade. Or maybe I wish I had a little more time to prepare for this, but let's roll. If I can't, if I don't have the answers to questions, I'm gonna let you know and get back to you afterwards. Takes away the hiding and it makes both us more comfortable and the person listening. So then the moment you name the thing that felt hidden, the imposter feeling often dissolves because nothing's being concealed anymore. It's it's more clean. Sometimes power dynamics make that harder, and sometimes you need support, like I said before. But other than that situation, when it's possible, it can be incredibly freeing. And the final thing I want to say about imposter syndrome is that it often appears when we're stretching into something new. That's one of the reasons why I see it all the time. Because my ladies in the MOXI are always creating an idea that's somewhat new or different, or scaling an idea in their lives or in their business. And so they've got imposter syndrome sometimes. When we're trying something new and stretching ourselves to believe in it and committing to taking action, even when we're experiencing failure and we're not winning every time, we're iterating and gathering the data. It can feel like a little imposter syndrome sometimes. Here's what to do. We're going to feel the feelings of self-doubt. And imposter syndrome might show up when we're trying something new. There is a lot of data to show that the best way to solve for imposter syndrome is exposure, is proving to yourself that you can do it. So it starts with your thinking, which is what we talked about first. It starts with your feeling and your thinking and getting those to a place where you can get yourself to try again, where you can get yourself more comfortable, where you can expose in authenticity. And then just keep trying, keep putting yourself in new situations. But here's what I want to say your system feels really comfortable in a certain set of situations. That's your green zone. I talk about this on the podcast episode, How to Learn New Things, but I'm going to remind us of this. If you have imposter syndrome and you want to use exposure therapy, right? You want to expose yourself to situations where that imposter syndrome comes in a little bit and then you nail it anyway and you collect evidence that you're okay? That's the best way to make imposter syndrome go away. But you have to do that incrementally. Give yourself baby steps or mid steps to expand that safety zone into a yellow zone. So maybe you're gonna take a risk that's doable for you, but doesn't terrify you. What happens if we shove ourselves all the way up into the most terrifying situation to expand our comfort zone? Sometimes it backfires and we prove to ourselves that we should never do that again because it's terrifying. So what we want to do is balance in between the places, the circumstances, the actions where we already feel safe and ones where we feel a little bit uncomfortable. And the more we go back and forth between those two, the bigger our green zone gets as we collect the evidence that we can. Yes, we can. So the more we spend gently moving between the zones, the more our capacity expands and confidence grows through that exposure. So there we have it. Three ways to come at imposter syndrome. And the one thing that I see that's at the root of it when we're hiding something or we're inauthentic. So to close, I just want to remind us that self-doubt is not a reason to stop, but it is a reason to listen. Listen for what your mind is telling you. What are you thinking? Is that a helpful thought? Listen for what your emotions are signaling. What data are they giving you? Are they telling you you need to self-coach yourself and give yourself a little self-love and grow your confidence? Or are they telling you something is off and you're not okay with it? As you do those things, you might ask yourself where you might be hiding, pretending or holding back. Because the antidote to imposter syndrome isn't just being more perfect. It's not working harder, doing better. It's authenticity. Like so many things, right? It's just being ourselves, being more and more true to ourselves, showing up honestly, owning what you know and what you don't know, owning what you're still learning, being real and unapologetic. And stepping forward, even when it feels hard, and doing it with all your moxie. Anyway. All right, that's what I've got for you today, and I will see you next week. If you like what you're hearing on the podcast, you gotta come and join us in the Bloom Room. This is a year-round membership where we take all of these concepts and we apply them to real life in a community where we have each other's backs and we bring out the best in each other. We're all there to make our ideas real. One idea at a time. We'll see you in the Bloom Room.