The Purple Couch Goblin

We trade the funny real-life stories from pet gotcha days to mice invading the house and a sick-day surprise visit from the in-laws. Everyday chaos feels lighter when you laugh together!

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Thanks for listening!

-Josh & Hannah

The Collide Kids Podcast is a FUN and UNIQUE show for kids and families where we learn how life and faith COLLIDE!

Transcript

Cold On The Purple Couch

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Here's what to expect on this week's episode of the River Morning Show Weekly Podcast. I am passed out on the couch wearing head-to-toe purple sweatpants, a purple eye mask, tissues stuffed in my nostrils to keep the mucus at bay, and there are my sweet-in-laws staring at the purple couch goblin as I try to de-snot and detissue myself.

A Mouse Trap Surprise

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Thanks for being a part of this podcast family by pressing play. You can find more on the on-demand tab at riverradio.com. In the annals of the show, there have been these battles between Hannah and Rodents.

SPEAKER_06 0:43

Yes. What's the latest?

SPEAKER_07 0:45

So in the past month, first time ever, my husband and I have been battling mice in the home. Yes. It's terrible. And we set up traps and it's all been fine and dandy.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

And it's the no-sea traps, you know, you just dump it out.

SPEAKER_07 1:03

Yesterday, my husband Chris texts me freaking out because apparently this newest mouse wasn't dead. Not dead yet. So it was in the little tunnel that you're trapping in. And he just left it there until I got home. He left it for you to deal with? No. So he just needed, he needed encouragement as he went and took it to the trash can. And so as he released the trigger to let the mouse go, I thought for sure by now it's been like a few hours. It's just slowly gone to mouse heaven. Right. No, this thing is alive and well. I texted you a video. It's scurring around the trash can like it owns the place.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

Yeah, he was really living his life right there.

Pet Origin Stories And Gotcha Days

SPEAKER_07 1:47

And now that we've seen his cute little button face, we gotta just set him free. He's coming. And then he'll meet his end. That's his choice, buddy. You and your fur baby have an origin story. You can share how you came to adopt, or maybe better put, how your pet adopted you with their gotcha day story. Call or text 800-609-1049.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

I like the idea of an origin story. Like you're living the main movie now, but we need to write the prequel.

SPEAKER_07 2:23

Where did it start? A year ago, my husband and I went out to dinner, and I told him over and over, I want a kitty cat. I want a kitty cat. This was all like we we had just gotten married, and I wanted a pet for him and I to share.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

Had you guys thought ahead of time that you would get a cat?

SPEAKER_07 2:43

And so this is new or what? Over our dating history, I had told him over and over again, I I want a cat. But he kept telling me, you're allergic, you're delusional. Over and over again. I was like, no, it's worth it. I will take allergy meds. I want a sweet kitty cat. And finally, at this dinner, he goes, Okay, Hannah, we will go look at one animal shelter. One. And if they happen to have kittens, we will see about getting a kitty cat. And I'm I'm laughing internally because I'm like, every shelter has kittens. Yeah, every shelter has kitten.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

And you could see like the crack in the armor immediately already. Like, I got him!

SPEAKER_07 3:23

The fact that he was even willing to walk into an animal shelter.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 3:28

So we went to CHA Animal Shelter, and it in there was just one litter of kittens, which actually surprised me. There were five of them that looked identical. These precious gray kitties with little white socks on their feet were just perfect. And they were all named off of like based off of different um tropical places. Okay. So this one that both of us just immediately gravitated towards. His name was Galapagos. Sweet little Galapagos.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

What kind of birds do they find at Galapagos? I don't even know. We'll have to look that up later.

SPEAKER_07 4:05

But today, you know him, you hear all about him. His name is now Fish.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Aw, Fish the Cat!

SPEAKER_07 4:12

Fish the Cat. So we felt like the name Fish still was a nod towards his original shelter name.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

An island life.

SPEAKER_07 4:20

Yes. He is the most friendly, sweet kitty cat. He greets you at the door. He wants to sit on your lap. He screams at you at 3 a.m. till you feed him. What a guy. I know. And he's just my little buddy. But would love to hear your fur baby origin story. 800-609-1049. Gavin, you have one for us? Got my pet, like I just found it on a sidewalk. Oh. Okay, is it a kitty cat? Is it a puppy? What is it? Kitty. A kitty. And what'd you name him, Gavin? Tommy. Tommy.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

Of course, Tom and Jerry. That's perfect.

SPEAKER_07 5:01

So did you have to convince your parents to let him stay with you? Kind of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Was that was that a hard sell or were they on board pretty easily?

SPEAKER_07 5:10

Um, pretty easily.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Oh cute. How long have you had him?

SPEAKER_07 5:14

Um, like for like two or three years. Aww. Was he just a little baby when you found him? Yeah. Oh, that's so sweet. What's he look like? Is he is he gray or orange or black? He's black and white and fluffy. Oh, the best. I love a fluffy kitty. Oh, well, you have the biggest heart, and Tommy is so lucky, and I bet he is so loved in your family. Yes, he is. God brings your fur babies into your life, and the origin story is often the sweetest start. So, what is your pet's gotcha day story? Call or text to share 800-609-1049. You can also always share on the River Morning Show Facebook group. I know some friends have already chimed in there.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Producer Mike, what are some of the stories? Maria said Gizmo was a rescue kitten that my daughter's friend found abandoned in an alley.

SPEAKER_07 6:11

Aw, Gizmo. Isn't that a gremlin?

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 6:16

Wonder if he's just like a gremlin.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Don't feed him after 11 p.m.

SPEAKER_06 6:20

Yeah, danger.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Well, Matthew's 16, so he's an old gremlin, I guess.

SPEAKER_06 6:25

Sweet fella.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Lori said Coco is a Chiweenie that was found in a dumpster all by herself. Oh my goodness! She's only five weeks old, but she saw the picture and knew that she had to have Coco, and Coco's been her sidekick ever since 2014. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_07 6:44

Oh, that's that's so such a relief that.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

Well, and the fact that you've that they could find a dog that small in adoption.

SPEAKER_07 6:52

I'm so glad that was Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Tracy said, my cat Tipper sold us with her personality at the kitty adoption place. Yeah. But then she hid under the couch for three days. Yeah. But now they're cuddle buddies, especially when she's having a rough day.

SPEAKER_07 7:08

It takes time. Kitty cats, they they choose, not you. Like they, you know. Did Fish do that? Like, did he hide for a bit? No, he was the second we were trying to acclimate him because this is a year. We got him just a year ago. And so we were trying to acclimate him because we had Murphy at the time. Fish wanted nothing to do with that. Fish wanted to be with people, with the dogs. So it is all about their personality. I feel like dogs, you know, you can trust to just kind of jump in with the family. Right. Cats are like, in my time. And Fish was like, My time is all the time. My time is now. Yeah. It is now past time. He made his presence known in that house. Would love to hear your gotcha story. Call 800-609-1049. Lola, you have one?

SPEAKER_08 8:01

We got our dog Zeus about two years ago.

SPEAKER_04 8:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 8:06

Um, our family dog Harper had passed away very unexpectedly. And we were all praying and stuff that a new dog would come into our life at the right time. And he is the perfect dog. He's huge. He's a tame corso black lab. He looks a lot like our Harper, but they are so different. Um, he's like a big giant and he's very silly. But he it was just a very good God moment. Like we needed him in our lives.

SPEAKER_07 8:44

You learn a lot of lessons in marriage, including giving someone the proper heads up that guests are coming by.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_07 8:54

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Uh-oh. She's twitchy, everyone. She's twitchy.

SPEAKER_07 8:58

I have been under the weather this week. I can hear it. Much and I are close pals.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 9:06

And my in-laws are some of the best people in the entire world. And they told my husband that they were gonna stop by with some homemade chicken noodle soup. So sweet!

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Yeah, that's really nice.

SPEAKER_07 9:17

Well, my husband is at work and forgets to relay that message to me. So I am passed out on the couch wearing head-to-toe purple sweatpants, a purple eye mask, tissues stuffed in my nostrils to keep the mucus at bay. Yeah. And all of a sudden, Bear, our dog, goes frolicking to the front door. It opens. They knocked. I didn't hear it. Oh, okay. I was gonna like they just let themselves in. They knocked. I didn't hear it. I bolt up like intruder. And there are my sweet-in-laws staring at the purple couch goblin as I try to desnot and detissue myself. They are the best. The soup was delicious. If you have guests coming over, give your spouse a 10, even a five-minute heads up. So mucus is not the first thing they see.

SPEAKER_04 10:17

Send the rolling, send the rolling, bite the bag, send the rolling, light the fire, fix the breakfast, wash the dishes, do the money. It's gus-gus.

SPEAKER_07 10:25

Yes, but they aren't helping you sweep the house, dust the shelves or sew a dress. They are invading your home.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

We're back to this, eh?

SPEAKER_07 10:39

Yes. So a week or so ago, I shared that my husband and I discovered evidence of chipmunks in the kitchen. And we thought for sure it was chipmunks because this is gross, but we took a picture of their their droppings and their little food shavings.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

You looked it up to make sure it wasn't anything else.

SPEAKER_07 10:59

Even ChatGPT claimed that it was it was chipmunks, and which made sense because chipmunks are destroying our yard right now. Right. Well, we put out some traps, and this is why you don't trust AI. Not one.

SPEAKER_06 11:15

Okay. Not two. Hannah!

SPEAKER_07 11:19

But as of this morning, three mice made our and I am going to burn down the house.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Yep, that's exactly it.

SPEAKER_07 11:30

And I'm just so confused because we didn't have any mice last spring. We have not seen a single mouse or their remnants at all.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

Yeah, we call that mouse dirt. We haven't seen anything.

SPEAKER_07 11:42

And all of a sudden they're popping out of the woodwork. Literally. They've decided to move in. And no, they're not helping to clean. I'm not Cinderella, and we're not singing a song together. We're just not. So help me know that I am not alone.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

Oh, geez, of course not.

SPEAKER_07 11:59

Share about the time the critters got into your home. Call or text 800-609-1049. Larry?

SPEAKER_00 12:08

We were at our house in the Philippines, and uh I got up one morning, and like I always do, I sit in the kitchen table. I was sitting there sipping my coffee, and this big rat comes in and just it sits right on the doorstool. And I looked at it like, no, no way, you're not coming in here. And I stood up and then went back outside. Okay, good. And I sit back down, started sipping my coffee. He jumped back up on the stoop again. And I'm like, what is going on? And it came running at me instead of away from me. It ran between my legs into the living room behind that. I got like a couple couches, two or three chairs in there. And it was like running around. I and all of a sudden it just disappeared. I didn't know where it was at all. I'm moving everything. There's no rat anywhere. And it was a pretty good size rat. Um, I move a chair. There's a tiny little hole in the back, like a little rip. Oh man. And this rat is getting crawled up in this chair. I don't even know how I knew the hole was there. I don't know what was going on, but uh I was completely losing my mind. I think Hannah said it better.

SPEAKER_07 13:13

Burn it down. The three not-so blind mice have invaded the hole. It's a party at Hannah and Chris's house. We're going down. No. This is the first time ever. Like, this didn't happen last spring when we moved in. Like, we have not had any issues with mice. And over the last two weeks, we have caught three, including one this morning.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Ugh, we don't in our garage, which makes a little more sense. It's attached to our house, but not in the house generally. You guys have them like this was in a drawer with utensils? Yes.

SPEAKER_07 13:52

Oh, don't make don't remind me. So we learned though that they were getting in from a hole, the bottom of the sink, and then finding their way wherever they wanted from there.

SPEAKER_03 14:02

Because they can scurry around any place.

SPEAKER_07 14:05

Nightmare fuel. We currently have the trap set up now by the hole, and now we gotta figure out how to fix that hole.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Oh, yeah, because if you just put it by the hole, you're just gonna be taking care of the entire neighborhood's mouse population. I know.

SPEAKER_07 14:16

We're like, here's some peanut butter. Come on in. But I know we are not the only ones that have dealt with critters in the house before. You can call or text to share your story. 800-609-1049. Producer Mike, anyone sharing about how their home has been invaded?

unknown 14:35

Kristen says.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Those chompers. Yeah. Her husband got a motorcycle license plate and covered the hole, and so far it's been too coming in.

SPEAKER_05 15:24

Okay, so creative.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Live in metal.

SPEAKER_05 15:26

Yeah. And you'll be alright.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Katie had an invasion in her car. She said one time I was driving to work, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. No. On the floor, it was a mouse.

SPEAKER_07 15:39

In the car. No way. Oh, I I would get in an accident. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

And up on the news. Yeah. I've seen some of those where it's like, yeah, I flipped my car. There was a spider. And like, I'm with you, man. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_07 15:49

You put a mouse screen across the floor. I'm gone. No way. Oh man. You can call or text to share your story. 800-609-1049. Robin, what's yours? I have three raccoons in the attic, and one fell through the door the other night and was underneath my bed.

SPEAKER_09 16:06

And I didn't have it, and I went back to bed and it was um making noises.

SPEAKER_07 16:11

Wait, so you went to bed while it was under the bed? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

You are brave.

SPEAKER_07 16:16

So do you have you named them at this point?

SPEAKER_03 16:20

So what's so what's the plan now? What are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_09 16:22

Oh, I got them out. I lifted the bed up and we sh rushed them out the door.

SPEAKER_07 16:26

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

You are braver than me.

SPEAKER_07 16:28

Yeah, you are so brave. You're like, you know what? As long as they stay cozy under the bed, I'll stay cozy in the bed. But I would be screaming my head off. I am impressed at your calm. Well, he was uh scared of me more than I was of him. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Yes, they're more afraid of me than I am of them, but that means they'll bite me.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

That's what it means.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

It's like a fill-in-the-blank test nobody wants to take, but we all have to take it, and we're all gonna take it this morning. How old are you? I'm not telling. How do you fill in the blank on this? You know you're getting old when blank. You can call or text 800-609-1049. For me, I knew I was getting old when I got a knife in the back. And like nobody uh nobody double like swindled me. None of that. But what happened was I stretched, I stretched, and I threw my back out between my shoulder blades. Actually, technically, according to my chiropractor, I threw a rib out. I didn't even know you could I didn't know you could do that to a rib, and it hurts. I'm on day 12. Producer Mike, I'm dying. Oh no! It was like it was okay by Friday last week, and then it was okay yesterday, and this morning I'm like, doggone, it's there again. No! It would be something if I could have, you know, felt the storm coming. No! It's just I'm old. And so that's how I feel in the blank today. You can fill it in as well. We'll commiserate together, we'll yell at people to get off our lawn. We'll try to like look down our glasses and up the glasses, try to figure out where on our nose they belong. Call or text 800-609-1049. I gotta reach for this button here, and it really hurts! How old are you? I'm not telling. Chances are though, you're about to fill in that blank and uh make everyone else feel a little better so we know we're not old alone. Call or text with how you knew you were getting old, 800-609-1049. Gina, how'd you know you were getting old, friend?

A Porch Pirate Meets Grace

SPEAKER_09 18:35

I had physical therapy this morning and for my ACL repair. And my physical therapist told me that, you know, every decade it does get a little bit harder and longer to continue to get.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Excuse me, sir. We don't talk like that to our friends.

SPEAKER_09 18:56

Oh, he could have said it in such a like a gentler way. I just hung my head. Oh I'm like, I'm really sure, I'm pretty sure you did.

unknown 19:09

But it's okay.

SPEAKER_07 19:12

Here's a happy heart story for you. There's this sweet woman named Bernadette, and she saw someone about to steal a package off her neighbor's porch.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Yikes.

SPEAKER_07 19:22

I know. And instead of yelling or getting angry, she just calmly said, Hey, put that down.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

And then, I know. Sometimes that's all you need.

SPEAKER_07 19:32

And then she did more. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the only cash she had and gave it to her. Gave it to the porch pirate.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

No way.

SPEAKER_07 19:41

I know. Who does that? She paid him off. She kind of. She said in that moment, she just thought, She's in trouble. How can I make this better?

SPEAKER_02 19:48

Okay.

Joshua And The Jordan River

SPEAKER_07 19:48

And then she looked at the woman and said, You're better than that. I love you. God loves you. And the woman just kind of melted. She apologized, said thank you. And you could tell it actually got to her. Yeah. And I just love that so much because Bernadette could have made that moment worse for that woman, but instead she chose grace and love.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

It could have been a viral thing that's like, everyone, look at Bernadette going to town. It's like, no, no, no, she did it the other way.

SPEAKER_07 20:18

Instead, forgiveness was there. And that's a happy heart story for you. Is that real? True story. True story. God's people had been wandering the desert for 40 years.

SPEAKER_03 20:35

And scald because they didn't stop and ask for directions.

SPEAKER_07 20:38

That's not quite it, but okay. They'd been eating manna, bread, sleeping in tents, and probably getting really tired of sand in their sandals. They were headed to a special place God had promised them called the Promised Land. But right as they were about to step into it, the Jordan River in front of them flooded. Totally impassable.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

It was gonna be dicey anyway. And this just made it worse.

Your Most Used Emoji Confessions

SPEAKER_07 21:06

Yes, 100%. But God tells the priests who are carrying the Ark of the Covenant, which is kind of like a holy treasure chest that carried God's presence with it. He called them to step into the water. And the moment their feet touch it, the water stops, and the people cross on dry ground. In the Bible, in Joshua 3:17, it says the priests who carried the Ark of the Government Covenant of the Lord stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan while all of Israel passed by. After decades of sand in their shoes, they finally get to step into a land flowing with milk and honey. God kept his promise. It took a while, but he always comes through. And that's a true story. Okay, you need to open your phone, go to your text messages, open up the recently used emojis tab. What pops up first? Ooh, this is telling. You're so happy you're crying? Yeah, that one. And then the full on laughter face. Like the happy tear face is the one where you're like you're emotionally happy crying.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

It's the full on laugh, your head is tilted back, mouth open, tears coming out. Yes, that one.

SPEAKER_07 22:24

So again, they were my most recent, most used emojis for quite some time. We'll get to that. We'll get to the was in a minute. But first, call or text to share your most used emoji. When you text the show at 800-609-1049, you can literally literally just send the emoji there.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

It's an easy assignment.

SPEAKER_07 22:46

Yes. But so I was with my niece Mia the other day, and she loves using my phone to text Chris, my husband, her uncle. And she can't really write yet. She's in the beginning stages of learning to read and write. So she uses voice to text to send him ridiculous messages to yell at him and then tell him how much she loves him. It's real cute. But she also leans heavily into the emojis. Sure. My entire recently and most used emoji page is now all poo emojis. Thanks to my niece. All poo.

SPEAKER_05 23:33

Smiling poo's surprised poos, angry poos, sleeping poos, crying poos, sweating poos.

SPEAKER_07 23:46

Open your phone, go to your recently used emojis tab. What pops up first? Mine was the happy tear face and the full-on laugh one until my niece got a hold of my phone. Now my emoji page is all poo, every version. I'm so happy. I didn't know there were so many different versions of the poo emoji. So it did get me thinking, Josh, what is your most used emoji?

SPEAKER_03 24:14

Uh so I have the winking kiss face. I send that to my wife a lot. Well, that's cute. And I have a soccer ball to send that to my youngest son. I've got a the heart emoji I use a ton with all my family.

SPEAKER_05 24:25

I've got dog paws. Cute for Ollie.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

Yeah, so I do use a lot of emojis. I also really like the cringe face emoji.

SPEAKER_07 24:34

Okay. Yes. A couple friends have texted the River Morning Show, 800-609-1049. Uh, I think it was Christine who used the cringe emoji. Oh no, she had the heart. I'm sorry, Christine. She had the heart emoji. Uh a couple friends have used different colors of the heart emoji. So there's the purple one too. But yeah, one friend did mention that they use the cringe emoji a lot. And I thought that was funny. What context can you use that?

SPEAKER_03 25:03

You can use it in a lot of different contexts, like, hey, I'm not sure about this. Or like, oh man, that's really rough. You know, it could be really, it's it's very diverse. I like the cringe faces.

SPEAKER_07 25:14

Okay, I will try to bring that back. Maybe I'll use that instead of the thumbs up.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

That'd be pretty cringy.

SPEAKER_07 25:20

Uh-huh. There it is.

SPEAKER_04 25:21

Yeah, there we go.

SPEAKER_07 25:24

Call or text your most recently used emoji, 800-609-1049. Janet, what's that for you? Probably the the the care button. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_07 25:36

That's a great one.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

You're a wonder, you're a better human than us.

SPEAKER_07 25:41

I my emoji page has never been filled with more poo, thanks to my niece. We're just cracking up. Oh, Josh gives you a hard time, doesn't he, Hannah? Uh yeah, but is that friendship? I think so.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

You should see my contract if I have to.

SPEAKER_07 25:57

Josh, how long have you been there?

SPEAKER_03 25:59

15 years now.

SPEAKER_07 26:00

Wow. So you're 35? You got it.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Boy, those were the days.

SPEAKER_07 26:07

Oh, you are too kind. There's that Kara Moji coming out right there.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Just thinking.

Quick Jokes And The Closing CTA

SPEAKER_07 26:16

Just thinking. I was just thinking. That's scary. Just thinking. The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops on the way home. Like, I'm late for house. My couch misses me. Just thinking, I wish the bags under my eyes had money in them.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Oh. It'd be a game changer.

SPEAKER_07 26:43

Just thinking. When a woman says five minutes, think like five minutes left in the fourth quarter and both teams still have all their timeouts. Just thinking, not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

Hey, you're invited to listen to the recording of this podcast live. How? Where? It's simple. You can share every weekday morning with Josh and Hannah on 1049 The River in Columbus, Ohio, or online at riverradio.com.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

It was a journey, but we've made it together. Thanks for listening to this episode of the River Morning Show weekly podcast.

SPEAKER_07 27:31

And hey, since you made it this far, would you be willing to like and rate this podcast? There's a few stars you can click. Five stars would be wonderful. A few at least, five at most.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

We'd love the big one.

SPEAKER_07 27:42

And even more than that, if you want to subscribe to make sure you never miss an episode, please do. We love hanging out with you.