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The River Morning Show Weekly Podcast
The River Morning Show with Josh & Hannah is a daily radio show heard each weekday morning on the River Radio Network in Central Ohio!
These are some of the funniest, heart-warming, and sometimes bizarre moments from the week! Plus, exclusives that are ONLY for you when listening right here. And don’t forget to rate and subscribe!
You can also listen to the live recording here https://riverradio.com/
The River Morning Show Weekly Podcast
He's a Cat Burglar! (Literally)
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We trade the funniest signs of getting older, from tiny instruction manuals to progressive lenses. Along the way we laugh about pets getting caught red-handed (or "red-pawed"), debate a Father’s Day “would you rather,” and hear an uplifting reminder from a River Artist.
Hey, since you made it this far, would you be willing to like and rate this podcast? Five stars would be awesome!
Thanks for listening!
-Josh & Hannah
The Collide Kids Podcast is a FUN and UNIQUE show for kids and families where we learn how life and faith COLLIDE!
Welcome And A Special Guest Tease
SPEAKER_04Here's what to expect on this week's episode of the River Morning Show Weekly Podcast. My husband Chris had left a Bucky's grocery bag on the kitchen table, and we heard this rustling, and it started out gentle, and then it turned into more like wild thrashing. And fish's head and front leg are stuck in the grocery bag handle.
SPEAKER_03He really wanted that Bucky's beef jerky.
SPEAKER_08Serves your right, thanks for clicking play on this podcast here. I'm producer Mike. I'm the producer of the podcast. Thanks so much for listening. And if you love this content from Josh and Hannah, I would love to have you subscribe and rate the podcast as well. And this episode is very special because it features one of your River artists. We got the chance to sit down with him and talk, and you'll get to hear a nice snippet of the conversation. And you'll be able to see more when you go to River Now on YouTube. Enjoy the podcast.
You Know You’re Getting Old When
SPEAKER_10You can fill in the blank if you so choose. How old are you? I'm not telling. Actually, you could say if you dare, sometimes you gotta put yourself on blast. You know you're getting old when call or text 800-609-1049. And oftentimes it's a negative thing, like everything hurts, or I forget all this stuff. That's true. But I'm here today to fill in the blank with a positive.
SPEAKER_04Wow, okay. Flip this the script here a little bit. What's going on?
SPEAKER_10I finally didn't read the full instructions for something. I'm an instruction reader. Wait. I asked directions. I didn't finish reading the instructions while putting together something important. That push lawnmower booklet, the print was too small. So I just wung it.
SPEAKER_04That that got it there, the print being too small. But otherwise, I would say, sorry, this is a huge stereotype. Yeah. Every man on the planet since birth doesn't read the instructions.
SPEAKER_10I read the instructions. Okay. I've always learned the. You are the exception to the print. So the print was too small, so this is a negative. There it is. It worked out. Everything works. So like I feel like I have like entered full-grown adult manhood now, finally.
SPEAKER_04Well, because you didn't read the instructions. I didn't read the instructions, yeah. And you the print was too small. Oh, yeah, and the print was too small. You're a grown-up now.
SPEAKER_10Hannah pointed out the negative more than I wanted.
SPEAKER_04Sorry.
SPEAKER_10You can call her text how you knew you were getting old, and Hannah will make sure you know why you're getting old.
SPEAKER_03I'll be nice, maybe.
SPEAKER_10You will not. 800-609-1049. How old are you? I'm not telling. You know you're getting old when? Call or text. Fill in the blank. 800-609-1049. I have bifocals, progressive lenses, actually.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_10And so I can read things a lot better than some of my friends. They have to get their readers out, and I feel better because I'm already wearing these, so I don't have to go through the spectacle of the spectacles. I didn't mean to do that. Maybe over the last week I was putting together a new push lawn mower and I had to just wing it because I could not read the instructions. They were too small.
SPEAKER_04Oh, those words just keep getting itty beady and itty-beady.
SPEAKER_10And I still have like on my smartphone, I still have the font sent to the smallest possible, and it's I it's fine. I can read it, but this was something else. I had to find out. That's great.
SPEAKER_04Let's give you a giant machine with blades and make it impossible to read the instructions.
SPEAKER_10So far, we all have all ten fingers and toes.
SPEAKER_04Okay, good. Good.
SPEAKER_10Everyone's feet are still attached.
SPEAKER_04That font getting smaller and smaller showed you you were maybe uh getting getting up there. Is that is that? Go ahead, Hannah.
SPEAKER_10Go ahead and say it. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03Getting a bit more gray in your beard.
SPEAKER_10Hannah, just say it.
SPEAKER_04Getting old, Josh. Thanks. Getting old.
SPEAKER_10Everyone, her email is Hannah at riverradio.com.
SPEAKER_04Say hi.
SPEAKER_08Producer Mike, got a text in. Kayla said, I knew I had gotten older a few years into marriage when I realized if I didn't change the toilet paper rolls, no one else was going to do it for me.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_08I had to graduate and own this task now.
SPEAKER_04I don't feel like that's getting old. I feel like yell at your family.
SPEAKER_10Can you text her back and ask does it go over the top or underneath?
SPEAKER_04It doesn't matter. It does. It still functions as toilet paper. Go ahead, text her back. That's a different conversation.
SPEAKER_10If she responds, we'll break in with more breaking news on the show today. Deb, how did you know you were getting old?
SPEAKER_04I now have a mailpiece coming for a chair lift for my mare.
SPEAKER_10I'm old. There's not a single thing wrong with that. I look at my stairs now and I go, one day, I'm gonna need that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I know, but not today.
SPEAKER_10Like I've been now.
SPEAKER_00Oh no.
SPEAKER_10Well, Deb, you just you rock it, okay? Bedazzle that thing. Make it look nice and shiny and sweet, okay? All right. Thanks so much. Thanks, Bike.
Tourists Fall For American Food
SPEAKER_10News that'll make you go.
SPEAKER_04Whee, wee wee. What? Josh, what in this wild world did you find today?
SPEAKER_10Have you seen the videos of Europeans, Australians, and other foreign nationals experiencing the US for the first time? Because of the World Cup.
SPEAKER_04I haven't seen the videos, but I've seen like short articles about it.
SPEAKER_10They are blown away by how awesome our country is, how nice the people are, so on and so forth. But they are most impressed with American food. Of course they are. Tops on the list. Producer Mike, you're gonna love this. It's Bucky's.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_10It's those beaver nuggets that are gonna get you.
SPEAKER_04There's so much more, though.
SPEAKER_10Well, there's more on the list, but that was the first thing they listed like these things. Wow. One person took a picture of themselves outside of Taco Bell and called it the Holy Land. Oh no. Another said Britain needs to adopt our love and supply of ranch dressing.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah. The fact that that isn't more popular worldwide is mind-blowing.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, they're like, someone needed to tell me that this was addictive. Yeah. Welcome to the Midwest. Uh, another uh posted the joy and wonder of being at a waffle house at 1 a.m. It is say no more.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, feel pleasant.
SPEAKER_10And this is the the tippy top. I know the rest of it is like consume eat food. They are so enthralled by the idea of free refills. You don't get those everywhere, apparently.
SPEAKER_04Like of of like a pop?
SPEAKER_10Yeah. Like at a sit-down restaurant, they'll bring you more. That is they don't charge you.
SPEAKER_04Anytime I've been to Europe, you don't get your second, third, fourth free. You gotta pay for it. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, so they're just like their eyes are as big as saucers. Like, I can have more? You'll bring me more? Is it gonna charge me? No. Alright. Bring it on. So we've got it so good here, friends. Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love and his refills endure forever.
Pets Caught Red-Handed Stories
SPEAKER_04Your fur baby is a stinker and you know it. And you also love him for it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. Give him screeches because they're so bad.
SPEAKER_04When have you caught your fur baby stirring up trouble? You can call or text to share 800-609-1049. Just this week, Fish, our cat, decided he was gonna be a no-good thievan sticky bandit. My husband Chris had left a Bucky's grocery bag on the kitchen table.
SPEAKER_10Why would you do that?
SPEAKER_04I know, I know. And we heard this rustling and it started out gentle and then it turned into more like wild thrashing. And Chris goes into the kitchen and comes back to the living room where I had been sitting, and he's holding fish, and fish's head and front leg are stuck in the grocery bag handle. He really wanted that Bucky's beef jerky. Serves you're right, bitch! He was caught red-handed. There's a picture of him stuck in the bag on the River Morning Show Facebook group with Josh and Hannah. So go go take a look. He's got this like utter disdain written across his face. He's never looked more evil, to be honest. He's like, I was not born to be trapped like this. I know. Freedom! Give me my jerky. You can share when your fur baby has been caught red-handed. 800-609-1049. Paul, what did you get? What did your pet get into?
SPEAKER_06I had a boxer named Diesel, and he was about a 70-pound dog, and I came home one day with two large pizzas. Get him on the counter, got distracted, and uh he thought they would be great to eat both of them. We had vomit and we had stuff on the other end. Oh my goodness!
SPEAKER_04Okay, so Diesel and my late pup Murphy could have been best friends because one time after a really, really long week at work, I treated myself to very expensive sushi. I stepped away for a second. It was gone. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried. You caught them red-handed. Or better said, red pod.
SPEAKER_10On whatever extremity they use.
SPEAKER_04When did you catch your fur baby stirring up trouble? You can call or text 800-609-1049. Just this week, my cat named Fish, he was trying to steal some beef jerky from the grocery bag on the table. I know, I know. We shouldn't have tempted him. But then we hear all this swishing and this panic because his head and his arm are stuck in the grocery bag handle.
SPEAKER_10The plastic bag.
SPEAKER_04Yes, yes. He's like, I am stuck and I am mad about it, and I got no jerky. Josh has Ollie stared up any trouble.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, and it's also food related. He uh he has very long arms, like he's go-go gadget arms at times. And you all you gotta do is turn away for just a sec. Oh, yeah. Just a second. He's using him. And I said very sad words one day, and I looked at him. I had to ask him, Did you take my raisin canes? No.
SPEAKER_04Not the cane.
SPEAKER_10And he took my canes.
SPEAKER_04Oh my heart.
SPEAKER_10Yeah, and so he was licking his chops, like, yeah, you enjoy that, pal, because that's gonna be your final meal.
SPEAKER_04He ate them, ate it all so fast he didn't even taste it. That's what makes my heart so sad. And at least enjoy it. Producer Mike, any friends sharing their stories?
SPEAKER_08Kyle said, We had a dog that always told on himself by putting himself in the corner. They would get home and see him in the corner, and then they'd have to try and find whatever he had gotten into. Usually there was uh it was a loaf of bread or some goodies that had been left out on the counter.
SPEAKER_04He just has too good of a soul to be able to hide his bad deed.
SPEAKER_03He's like, This is so tasty, I'm sorry. Puts himself in timeout.
SPEAKER_04When did you catch your fur baby red-handed? When were they stirring up trouble? 800-609-1049. Darylyn, what what happened with yours?
SPEAKER_00We have a Frenchie grand dog that lives with us. Yes. And we had just we had just gotten our deck all completed on the back of our house. And somehow he he found a way to crawl underneath in between like the joists and things. Well, he got in and he could not figure out how to get back out, and there wasn't enough room for a person or anybody to go under. So my husband had to get off the circular sound and he had to cut like an escape route out of our new deck. Yes, so he had to cut a section out and up topped the little Frenchie's white head. His name is Percy. And now he's just sitting there with his head above deck level, and the rest of his body is still under the deck level. And he's like he's a little chubby, so he can't get him out. And he finally decided to climb out.
SPEAKER_04And something I am absolutely loving right now is a brand new YouTube series called Offstage.
Patrick Mayberry On God’s Heart
SPEAKER_04Your river family is blessed to sit down with river artists like Ben Fuller, Patrick Mayberry, and others, and these amazing men and men and women of faith are sharing their hearts and their testimonies and what they want you to know about God. And Patrick Mayberry, you just heard from him a second ago, he wants you to know that God isn't angry with you.
SPEAKER_01For the longest time I grew up thinking that God was a businessman, and he sat behind a really fancy big desk and wore a fancy suit and uh was probably a nice guy, but he wasn't very kind. I just knew that I didn't want to ever do anything that made me have to go to this guy's office because it wouldn't be good. I would be in trouble. I just always thought God was not happy with me, and I would never be good enough to earn his affection or approval. A lot of that looking back was from my church upbringing, and really it's the story of the prodigal son and counseling uh and the Holy Spirit, those three things um just really shifted my thinking that God, in fact, was not an angry, mad God who was disappointed in me, but he was like the father to the prodigal son who sees his son while he's still a long way off, scripture says, and he comes running to him and it doesn't say he grabs him and he's like, Where have you been, you idiot? Um, he throws his arms around him and he he welcomes him in. And I imagine he's probably like kissing on him. You know, I have boys myself and kids and a daughter, and you know, I just it it's just shifted everything that there's nothing they've done to earn my love from the second they were born. I love them, and that's how God talks about us.
SPEAKER_04That's River artist Patrick Mace Mayberry sitting down with your river family. Watch his full story when you search River Now on YouTube.
SPEAKER_10It said would you rather, but I didn't have the thing ready.
SPEAKER_08Would you rather go? With Father's
Dad Controls Thermostat Or Remote
SPEAKER_08Day coming up, here's the question: would you rather have dad control the thermostat or the TV remote forever?
SPEAKER_04Oh, oh, that's that's really tough.
SPEAKER_10Do we have to go with a specific era here? Because I have an answer for right now.
SPEAKER_04Okay, no, I think that's fine. I'm gonna go with when I was a kid. Okay. But I think it's okay if you go with right now.
SPEAKER_10So I let I'll I'll do this first. My parents right now keep their house warmer than I prefer.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_10And notice it most in the winter when it's like you walk inside and you're like, wow, I could wear a pair of shorts in here.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_10And so that I don't mind that. I don't like that particularly. However, my dad does not watch sports really much anymore. Uh-huh. Every time I go over to my parents' house, they're watching house hunters.
SPEAKER_04I love that so much.
SPEAKER_10That means I'm missing a game.
SPEAKER_04I want to go hang out at your parents' house. They're cool.
SPEAKER_10House hunters. Let's go. I want to be uh watching sports if like any moment I can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, crazy enough, I think I'd rather have my dad handle the thermostat and give me the remote. I'll be warm if I can watch the game.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so leading up to Father's Day, would you rather have your dad have control of the thermostat forever or control of the TV remote forever? I think I have to give my dad the TV remote. Really? Yeah, because growing up, it was always a battle of the thermostat. We were always too cold.
SPEAKER_10So he he was one of those put a sweater on guys?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. And then he would also go around, and if one of us left our ceiling fans on, he'd be like, Are you trying to cool down the whole neighborhood? And we'd get in trouble if the ceiling fans were on. So because of childhood fear of getting grounded.
SPEAKER_10We call that trauma, Hannah.
SPEAKER_04It was like light trauma. Okay. I would say I want to give him the TV remote. Plus, he always falls asleep when he has the TV on. So like you could kind of just sneak over. I could sneak it. He wakes up, though. The second you took it off golf or something, or if he had like the Guardians playing, he'd like, wait, stop. What are you doing? Have that on. It's like you were literally snoring.
SPEAKER_10That was a great wake-up sound. That was a really good grown man wake-up sound.
SPEAKER_04But I would still let him have, I would give him the TV.
SPEAKER_10Okay. So while Hannah's dad gasps for his life, would you rather. Would you rather have your dad control the TV remote forever or the thermostat forever? Just in time for Father's Day. Call or text 800-609-1049.
SPEAKER_06Would you rather?
SPEAKER_10Producer Mike, just in time for Father's Day, put a real zinger out here today.
SPEAKER_08Would you rather have your dad control the thermostat or control the TV remote? Neither.
SPEAKER_04Well, you said forever. This isn't like an evening with dad. Forever.
SPEAKER_10I'm looking at current current state of dad. Uh they're watching House Hunters a lot, and I want to watch the game a lot. So I would actually let them control the thermostat. In the winter, it's a little warmer than I uh prefer, but that's okay. I can wear shorts inside. I just want to watch the game, man.
SPEAKER_04I I'm gonna give dad the TV remote because I'm still too terrified from childhood if we left our fans on or touched the thermostat.
SPEAKER_10Would you get one of those han on the room? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's the worst.
SPEAKER_04Why are we cooling down the entire neighborhood?
SPEAKER_10I can't believe he used that line. That is amazing. You can uh you can chime in on this too. Would you rather have dad forever control the thermostat or the remote? 800-609-1049, call or text.
SPEAKER_08Robin said I would pick the thermostat, even though we had to wear sweatshirts in the house. I could only take so much of my dad watching tractor auctions all the time.
unknownTractor auctions?
SPEAKER_02That's amazing!
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_10I didn't even know that was on TV. I gotta find that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, now I want to watch it.
SPEAKER_10I kind of do. I kind of do. Thank you for calling Ed. How about you? Would you rather the remotes or the thermostat? Forever. Dad's controlling it.
SPEAKER_07So it's gotta be the thermostat. First of all, my dad's not changed the channel from Bonanza for like the last seven years.
SPEAKER_10Amazing. Okay, say no more, really.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, Yihu controls the remote, controls the volume, and he's pretty deaf. And so when you walk into that house, it's like a rock concert on Bonanza.
SPEAKER_06Oh no.
SPEAKER_07I will take being hot or cold.
SPEAKER_00Stop overthinking it.
SPEAKER_10These thoughts of an overthinker brought to you by the automatic soap dispenser in the river's bathroom. Oh boy. Okay. It takes a minute for the water
The Automatic Soap Dispenser Spiral
SPEAKER_10at the sink to get hot. Yeah. So I discovered something I've been doing without thinking as I'm waiting for hot water. I'm getting soap. Again and again and again.
SPEAKER_04You're just standing there?
SPEAKER_10I'm filling my hand with this automatic soap. It dispenses, and then I stand there, and then I go get more. I'm just completely thoughtless.
SPEAKER_04So, like by the end, you have what looks like whipped cream because ours is foamy all over your hands. And it's like, what have I done?
SPEAKER_10Why did I do that? I noticed it one day when the dispenser stopped dispensing as I waited for the hot water and I got annoyed. And I was like, what am I bothered by? Oh, soap. I have soap. I want more soap. Why? It's just what I do.
SPEAKER_04What has you like overthinking this?
SPEAKER_10Like, why does this spiral a little bit noticing what is wrong with me? But second, since when is one auto-soap portion not enough? Is this classic American excess?
SPEAKER_03Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_10Am I wasting company resources by over-soaping myself? Start to get concerned about this. But if it's okay and and it's even more sanitary to get more soap, why doesn't the dispenser dispense more as it's dispensing? Are we all walking around here with unclean bathroom hands?
SPEAKER_04Oh my goodness. We touch the same doorknobs and stuff. You're absolutely overthinking. This is usually I try to help you rationalize this. This this is a little silly job.
SPEAKER_10The moral of the story is I'll keep my bathroom thoughts to myself now. Thank you.
SPEAKER_04You've had moments where you've prayed something like this. I know I have. God, I'm
When Weariness Meets Faith
SPEAKER_04so tired.
SPEAKER_10Ooh, that was just this morning.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I don't know if I can do this anymore. You told me to step out on the water, and I did, but now I feel like I'm sinking. Where are you? Where are you in this situation right now?
SPEAKER_10Yeah, you're not talking about fatigue. You're talking about weariness. You're talking about like my soul is crushed. You're talking about I feel alone.
SPEAKER_04Soul exhaustion, absolutely. And that's a question people have been asking God for thousands of years. Where are you? But I heard this in a sermon recently. The pastor said that one of the themes you see over and over again in the Bible is that sometimes God allows you to reach a place where you are physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, not because he's abandoned you, but because he's teaching you to rely on him instead of yourself. Because I know when I feel like I have it all together, when I feel strong, and maybe when you feel like you can handle anything on your own, it's easy to start believing that you're in control.
SPEAKER_10I'm the one who got me here.
SPEAKER_04You've got this.
SPEAKER_10Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04But God allows those things to be stripped away so you can get to a place where you say, God, I have nothing left, but I have you. And because I have you, I have everything I need. And that's exactly what Paul talked about in 2 Corinthians. He said, That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in insults and hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Because when you finally realize you can't do it all on your own and you can't, I can't. It's just not possible. That's when you discover just how much God has been carrying you all along. Just thinking. Just thinking. I was just thinking. That's scary. Just thinking. The
Just Thinking Grown-Up Observations
SPEAKER_04older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day. Again. Just thinking. One thing no one ever talks about being a grown-up is how much time you debate on keeping a cardboard box. It's a good box. Because it's like a really good box. A really well-made box. Just thinking. I'm really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists. It's all made up. Just thinking. Choosing to save money by not buying myself a little treat feels like something I should reward myself for. Maybe perhaps.
SPEAKER_03A little treat. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You put your foot in your mouth, and now I will never let you live it down.
SPEAKER_10Quit looking at me like that.
SPEAKER_04Actually, it wasn't
Pregnancy Jokes And Walking On Eggshells
SPEAKER_04you. I know. I don't know if I'm cruel, but I gotta tell you, I think I'm hilarious.
SPEAKER_10Alright.
SPEAKER_04Joe from the River Midday show has been walking on eggshells just around me since he found out I'm pregnant. He doesn't know what to say. You can just tell he he doesn't know what should or shouldn't be said.
SPEAKER_10The wheels are spinning and he is. I am happy to share that hat with someone else who wants to wear it for a while.
SPEAKER_04But just last week he tried to be really brave and finally make a comment, and I could have, I could have gone easy on him, but where's the fun in that? So he shared the turmoil he went through on his show.
SPEAKER_05I don't typically ask women about their pregnancy or anything about it too, because I just don't know what I can and can't say. Um, but she's getting she's getting really close to having her her little boy. So I was like, Hannah, you know, like she took off her her sweatshirt and her her bump was showing, and I was like, Hannah, you're looking really pregnant. And she goes, Are you calling me fat? She was she was kidding, but it like that fear of mine to not ask women about pregnancies or anything, it was it startled me for a second and she started laughing. But I was like, all right, well, uh back to the to the woodwork I go on this.
SPEAKER_04His face lost all coloring, he was paralyzed. It was so funny, and I do not care. If you think I don't look pregnant, I'm more offended.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_04I'm like, I don't usually have this massive bump.
SPEAKER_09Hey, you're invited to listen to the recording of this podcast live. How? Where? It's simple. You can share every weekday morning with Josh and Hannah on 1049 The River
How To Listen Live And Rate
SPEAKER_09in Columbus, Ohio, or online at riverradio.com.
SPEAKER_10It was a journey, but we've made it together. Thanks for listening to this episode of the River Morning Show weekly podcast.
SPEAKER_04And hey, since you made it this far, would you be willing to like and rate this podcast? There's a few stars you can click. Five stars would be wonderful. A few at least five at most.
SPEAKER_10We'd love the big one.
SPEAKER_04And even more than that, if you want to subscribe to make sure you never miss an episode, please do. We love hanging out with you.
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