Building Your Birth Dream Team: Finding the Right Doula

Navigating the search for your perfect birth doula can feel overwhelming. How do you find someone who aligns with your vision, fits your budget, and helps you feel secure during one of life’s most vulnerable moments?

Drawing from over a decade of obstetric nursing experience, I’m breaking down everything you need to know about finding the right doula for YOU. This isn’t about trends or checking boxes—it’s about building a support system that honors your unique journey.

We’ll start by clarifying what doulas actually do (and don’t do), and bust a few common myths. Whether you're planning an unmedicated birth, hoping for an epidural, or scheduling a cesarean, doulas support all birth paths—without judgment. They don’t replace your partner or provider—they enhance your whole team.

The key to finding your perfect match is understanding your own needs first. I’ll walk you through powerful reflection questions about the energy you want in your birth space, how you handle stress, and the role you want your partner to play. That clarity becomes your compass during doula interviews.

Worried about cost? I share practical strategies to make doula care more accessible, from payment plans to possible insurance or TRICARE coverage.

Interviewing doulas doesn’t have to feel awkward or scary. I give you thoughtful questions to ask about their approach, their experience with different birth scenarios, and how they work with hospital staff. Plus, I cover key red flags—so you don’t end up with someone pushing their own agenda.

Even if hiring a doula isn’t an option right now, I’ll offer supportive alternatives to help you feel calm and confident walking into birth.

Your birth experience matters. Choosing support that fits you isn’t being picky—it’s powerful. Schedule a free Birth Vision Call at kellyhof.com and let’s talk about creating the empowered experience you deserve.

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Kelly Hof: Labor Nurse + Birth Coach
Basically, I'm your birth bestie! With me as your coach, you will tell fear to take a hike!

Chapters

• 0:56 Welcome: Finding the Right Doula
• 2:33 What Doulas Actually Do
• 5:23 Determining What Support You Need
• 7:44 Affording Doula Care: Options and Insurance
• 14:54 Interviewing Doulas: Questions to Ask
• 20:21 Red Flags and Final Encouragement
• 22:24 Birth Support Without a Doula

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:28

Hey friend, welcome back to the Birth Journeys podcast. I'm so glad you're here. So today we're talking about something really important how to find the right doula for you. And I don't just mean picking the first name that shows up on Google. I'm talking about finding someone who fits your personality, your budget, your values and the kind of birth you want to have. Someone who makes you feel safe, supported and seen.

Speaker 1: 0:51

Because, let's be real, birth can be big and overwhelming. You might already know you want a little bit more support in the room, but maybe you're thinking how do I even find a doula? What should I ask them? Can I even afford one and will insurance help? And maybe the biggest of all, how do I know if someone is really the right fit for me and my family? Well, that's exactly what we're going to talk about today. By the end of this episode, you'll know what a doula actually does and what they don't do, how to figure out what kind of support you really want, ways to find a doula who matches your budget and lifestyle, smart questions to ask before you hire one, and how to trust your gut in the process. This topic is so close to my heart because I've been an obstetric nurse for over a decade, and I've seen how powerful it is when moms truly feel supported during birth. I've also seen how confusing it can be when you're trying to do all the right things but no one tells you how to actually choose the people who will be by your side, and, as a prenatal coach, I help moms get clear on their birth vision and feel confident going into labor, and finding the right doula is a huge part of that. So let's take the pressure off and make this simple. You don't need to be an expert. You just need to know yourself and ask the right questions. Ready, let's dive in. Okay, what does a doula do? Let's break this down.

Speaker 1: 2:10

If you've been hearing about doulas but still aren't totally sure what their role is, you're not alone. Some people think doulas are only for natural births. Others worry that hiring a doula means pushing their partner out, and some aren't sure how a doula fits in when you already have a doctor or midwife. Let me clear that up for you real quick. A doula is a trained professional who supports you emotionally, physically and informationally throughout pregnancy, birth or postpartum. They don't do medical procedures and they don't make decisions for you, but their presence can make a huge difference in how confident and cared for you feel. There are different kinds of doulas depending on the season you're in.

Speaker 1: 2:48

Birth doulas are by your side during labor, helping you breathe, change positions, stay calm and feel heard, setting up the room so it makes you feel at home and comfortable. Postpartum doulas help you settle into life with your new baby, offering support with feeding, rest, recovery and adjusting to your new, normal Fertility. Doulas support you emotionally during the journey to conceive. Bereavement doulas walk families through pregnancy or infant loss with tenderness and compassion. Now let's talk about what a doula really does during labor, because it's a lot more than most people think.

Speaker 1: 3:22

Imagine birth as the biggest game of your life. You're the one in the arena. I'm your coach and I help you prepare in advance, build your mindset and strategy and know what to expect before game day. But once you're in it, the doula is right there with you on the field. A great doula can be your cheerleader, reminding you that you're doing amazing. The water person bringing sips, snacks, cool washcloths whatever helps you keep going. A referee protecting your space, slowing things down and making sure your voice is heard if things start moving too fast. A translator helping you understand what's happening when emotions run high or medical language gets overwhelming A grounding presence, helping you breathe, focus and feel safe, no matter how birth unfolds.

Speaker 1: 4:07

And here's the beautiful thing thing Doulas support all birth types. Whether you're planning an unmedicated birth, hoping for an epidural scheduling, a c-section, or still figuring it out, a doula supports you, your choices, your voice and your experience. They are not there to replace your provider or your partner. They're there to enhance your experience. They help your partner feel more confident, they complement your care team and they help keep you at the center of it all. And I'll say it again because it matters you don't have to qualify for a doula. You don't need to be having a certain type of birth. If you want compassionate, steady, knowledgeable support, you deserve it.

Speaker 1: 4:47

So now that you know what a doula does, let's talk about how to figure out what kind of support you actually need and how to find someone who fits. Okay, here's the truth. Not every doula is going to be the right fit for every mom, and that's okay. Finding the right doula is kind of like dating. You're not just looking for someone who's available. You're looking for someone who gets you Someone who feels like the right match for your personality, your values and your vision for birth. So let's slow things down for a second and get really honest.

Speaker 1: 5:16

Ask yourself what kind of energy do I want in the room during my birth? Do I want someone who's quiet and calming, someone upbeat and chatty, someone who knows when to step in and when to give me space? How do I like to be supported when I'm overwhelmed? Do I like people to rub my back, hold my hand, talk me through it or just sit next to me and breathe with me? What role do I want my partner to play? Are they all in and excited, nervous, but trying, or totally unsure? A good doula can meet your partner where they're at and help them feel confident too, but only if that's something that you want. Do I have cultural or spiritual preferences? I'd like to be respected. Maybe there are certain traditions or beliefs that matter to you during your birth. You deserve a doula who honors that. Do I want someone who's been through this season of life personally?

Speaker 1: 6:06

Some moms really want a doula who's a parent. Others don't mind. There's no right or wrong here. It's about what feels good to you, and here's something a lot of moms overlook. Think about your communication style. Do you want a doula who checks in a lot during pregnancy or someone who just shows up on the big day? Do you like texting, phone calls or face-to-face time? Are you more of a give-me-all-the-information person or do you just want a few calm reminders and someone to hold space? When you get clear on these things before you start your doula search, it becomes way easier to spot someone who aligns with what you need. And this is exactly the kind of prep work I do with my prenatal coaching clients, because when you know what you're looking for, you're way less likely to settle or to end up with someone who sounds great on paper but doesn't really vibe with your energy.

Speaker 1: 6:55

So before we move on to how to find someone who fits your budget and lifestyle, just take a moment to reflect. What kind of support do you really want and how will you know when you've found it? All right, let's get into something that's on a lot of moms' minds when they're thinking about hiring a doula Can I even afford this? If you've thought that you are not alone. Doulas are amazing, but they're also an investment, and sometimes it feels like support is only for people with extra room in their budget, but I want to gently shift that idea.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Yes, doulas can be pricey. Some charge anywhere from $800 to $5,000, depending on where they live, how much experience they have and how much care they include. But there's also a huge range of options and many doulas really want to make their support accessible. The first thing to know even if a doula doesn't advertise flexible pricing, it's always worth asking. You can say something like do you offer payment plans or work on a sliding scale? And many doulas do. They just don't always post it publicly and if the full fee is still out of reach. There are amazing doulas in training people who are finishing a certification or offering support at a reduced rate or even for free. They're often paired with a mentor and bring so much heart and intention to what they do. There are also nonprofit programs and doula collectives, especially in larger cities, that will match you with someone based on your income or needs. A quick search with the name of your city and the words doula collective or community doula program can go a long way.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Now, what about insurance? Can it help? Maybe, but here's the rule of thumb Never assume anything and always get it in writing. If you have private insurance like Aetna or Blue Cross, the best first step is to call the number on the back of your card and say does my plan cover doula services? Do I need to choose from an in-network list? Can I get reimbursed if I pay a doula out of pocket? If they say yes to any of that, ask them to email you the details or upload it to your portal. Seriously, have it in writing before you commit to anything, for Medicaid coverage depends on where you live.

Speaker 1: 8:58

Some states fully cover doulas as part of maternity care. Others are still working on it. So if you have Medicaid, it's worth calling and asking directly does my state Medicaid program cover doulas? Do I need to register or choose someone from a specific list? If you're a military family, here's some good news TRICARE does cover doulas in every state. You'll just need to make sure your doula is certified and registered with TRICARE and you might need a referral from your provider. But once you have that, your doula support should be covered.

Speaker 1: 9:28

And then there's the question of HSA or FSA, those pre-tax health savings accounts. Some people do get reimbursed for doula services through these accounts. But here's the deal you absolutely need to ask your HSA or FSA provider directly before counting on it. Just call and ask are doula services an eligible expense? What documentation do I need to be reimbursed? And do I need a letter from my doctor? And again, get it in writing, just to be safe? Now, if you've heard about UnitedHealthcare's doula pilot program, yes, it's real, but it's only available if you're a UHC customer and in one of their pilot areas. So if that's your insurance, give them a call and say I've heard you're covering doula care through a pilot program. Is that available to me? They'll tell you what's possible and what the next steps are that you need to take One more creative idea, and I love this one Use a service registry to let friends and family gift you support Instead of a fourth swaddle blanket or baby shoes your kid will wear once people can contribute to your doula fund, prenatal coaching sessions or massage, lactation support whatever is actually meaningful for you.

Speaker 1: 10:33

It's such a beautiful way to invite your community into your care and say, hey, we're building our village and your gift will help us feel truly supported. And say, hey, we're building our village and your gift will help us feel truly supported. So here's the bottom line yes, support is an investment, but it's also something you deserve and now you have real, doable options to make it happen. If that's something you want, all right, let's keep going Up. Next, we are going to talk about how to interview a doula and make sure they're the right one for you, a doula, and make sure they're the right one for you. Really quick.

Speaker 1: 11:08

Before we move on, I want to share something really special with you. If you're looking for a space where motherhood meets empowerment and where you can discover trusted resources, inspiration and support, I've got a community. You need to know about, my Bump and Beyond online community for moms and moms-to-be. This is a space where the magic of motherhood meets the empowerment of self-care. At Bumpin' Beyond, we celebrate the journey of every bump rocker and post-birth boss. You, dear mama, deserve nothing but the best, and that's exactly what this community provides Prepare to be pampered, cherished and showered with all the love and support you deserve. Our mission is simple yet powerful to be your one-stop destination for all things self-care, nurturing and indulgence. Because, let's face it, you're not just a mom. You're a fierce, unstoppable family CEO.

Speaker 1: 11:55

At Bump and Beyond, I search the nation for moms who are passionate about helping other moms like you become the most successful version of yourself during your motherhood journey. Every resource in this community is either a virtual service that you can enjoy in the comfort of your own home or a product that can be shipped right to your doorstep, and everyone in the community is passionate about helping new moms thrive. So come on in, explore our virtual aisles, connect with like-minded individuals and immerse yourself in a community that's always here for you. Whether you're browsing, making new friends or simply treating yourself, know that this space is yours to return to whenever you need a dose of positivity and empowerment. Welcome to a place where you are celebrated, cherished and honored every step of the way. Welcome to the Bump and Beyond online community where every mom shines like the superstar she is. Join us today and let's build our motherhood village together. That's wwwfacebookcom. Backslash groups, backslash B-U-M-P N, as in Nancy, b-e-y-o-n-d. You can also find the link in the show notes. Be sure to say that you heard about us on the Birth Journeys podcast. I can't wait to see you there.

Speaker 1: 13:24

So, now that you've explored your options and figured out what kind of support you want, it's time for one of my favorite parts interviewing doulas. And no, that doesn't mean you need a resume or a list of hardball questions. Think of this more like a conversation. You're looking for someone whose energy feels safe, warm and aligned with what matters most to you. You're not auditioning for them. They're not auditioning for you. You're just seeing if there's a connection. So here are some questions you might want to ask to help you figure out if this is the right doula for your birth. Not a checklist, not a test, just real talk from one human to another.

Speaker 1: 13:59

Start with who they are. What made them want to be a doula? What is their favorite part of being with families during birth? How would they describe their vibe? More hands-on, more calming and observant? Ask about experience. What kind of births have they supported Home, hospital, medicated, unmedicated? Have they supported clients through inductions or c-sections, and how do they support families when medical needs come up? This is a great way to gently screen for doulas who can stay calm and supportive without pushing an agenda.

Speaker 1: 14:29

If things get more clinical, you want someone who's flexible and respectful of your choices, not someone who sees every intervention as a problem. If you're planning a hospital birth or might have one, these next questions are gold Ask if they are comfortable working around hospital equipment if you end up needing an induction. Comfortable working around hospital equipment if you end up needing an induction. Ask how they typically interact with the hospital staff and what their approach is when there are medical decisions to be made or things start to move quickly. You are not looking for someone who's going to fight the hospital. You're looking for someone who respects the space, works well with the team and helps you feel steady and informed through the process. You can even say something like it's really important to me that my doula supports me in navigating the system and not fighting it for me. That kind of clarity can save you a lot of stress later.

Speaker 1: 15:18

Ask the doula how they communicate. What kind of support do they offer before labor, texts, calls, visits, when do they go on call and when do they typically join you in labor? Some doulas like to come early and stay for the long haul. Others wait until labor is more active. There's no right or wrong, just what works for you. Ask about your partner or support person. How do they help involve your partner or the support team? Ask if they guide them or teach them how to support you. A good doula doesn't replace anyone. They enhance your support system. Ask about backups If they're unavailable. When you go into labor, who's the person that steps in and can you meet the backup doula ahead of time? It's always okay to ask. Life happens and you deserve to know who might be stepping in. And finally, advocacy how do they help families find their voice when things feel overwhelming? What does advocacy look like to them in the hospital setting?

Speaker 1: 16:11

You want a doula who helps you speak up, not one who speaks over others, someone who honors your choices, your pace and your presence. Now, you don't have to ask all of these. Just pick a few that feel right for you or important to you and write them down. Most of the time, you'll learn the most just from how the conversation flows. Do you feel relaxed, empowered, safe? That's the feeling you're looking for, and if it doesn't click, that's okay. You're not being rude. You're just doing what's best for your birth, and that matters, okay.

Speaker 1: 16:41

Before we wrap up, I wanna touch on something that doesn't get talked about enough Red flags to watch for when interviewing a doula. Now, this isn't about being critical. It's about protecting your energy, your birth space and your values. You deserve support that uplifts and respects you, not someone who brings their own baggage into your story. So here are a few things to keep an eye on If a doula speaks negatively about all doctors, nurses or the medical system in general, it might be a sign they're coming in with their own agenda.

Speaker 1: 17:09

You want someone who supports you, not someone who's using your sacred birth as a platform to fight the system. If they give medical advice like straight up telling you to skip a test or adjust a medication, that's a huge no. Doulas are not medical professionals. It's okay for them to help you, ask questions or to encourage you to return to your provider for more clarification, but they shouldn't be making decisions for you. If they say they only show up once you're in active labor or aren't willing to come sooner, even if you need emotional support or reassurance, that might not be the right fit for everyone, especially if you're someone who feels better knowing your support team is nearby early on.

Speaker 1: 17:46

Another thing it's okay to ask someone about their training. Some solid, reputable programs I love include Dona, birth Coach Method and Babo Mia. There are many others, of course. I recommend training that is more than just a weekend class. I recommend something that requires mentorship and hands-on learning. Ask where they got their training and then look up the program to see if it's enough to make you feel comfortable that you're in good hands. Also, watch for things like making big promises like I'll make sure you don't get a c-section or you won't need an epidural if I'm there. No one can guarantee that, and you deserve someone who's honest and supportive, not selling you a fantasy. And lastly, if they talk over you, brush off your concerns or seem dismissive of your partner or family, that's a red flag too. Your support should never come at the cost of feeling small or ignored. The right doula will help you feel heard, safe and strong. No pressure, no ego, just steady, grounded support for your vision of birth. All right, friend, you've got everything. You need to start finding the support that fits you.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Let's close out with a few final thoughts and encouragement before we wrap up. Oh hey, and before we wrap, I want to address something very important. We've been talking all about finding the right doula, what to ask, what to look for, but maybe you're sitting there thinking, kelly, I don't know if I'm actually going to hire a doula, but maybe you're sitting there thinking, kelly, I don't know if I'm actually going to hire a doula. Is that bad? Nope, not at all. Listen, you can still have an amazing supported birth even if you don't have a doula. Maybe it's not in the budget right now, maybe the timing didn't work out, maybe you just didn't feel a strong connection with anyone you met. That's okay.

Speaker 1: 19:28

Having a doula is awesome, but it's not the only way to feel supported. Let's say it this way Having a doula is like having the deluxe snack tray on a long road trip. It's super helpful, keeps your spirits up and you'll probably want it again next time. But if you don't have it, you can still get there and you're still going to be okay. So if you decide not to hire a doula, here are a few things you can do to still feel prepared and strong.

Speaker 1: 19:47

You can teach your partner or whoever's with you how to support you Things like rubbing your back, breathing with you and reminding you to speak up if something feels off. You can write down a few birth preferences, even if they're super simple Not a full-on birth plan with glitter and binder clips, just a few things to help your team know what's important to you. If you don't know how to do this, or if you want to do a full birth plan, be sure to listen to my full episode on how to write a birth plan and you can do what you're doing right now Learn, think ahead and connect with someone who helps you feel more ready. That's what I do as a prenatal coach. I'm here to help you before labor begins so that, even if things don't go exactly as planned, you still feel calm and confident in the moment, because birth isn't a test. It's not about getting an A plus or following the right method. It's about feeling like the main character in your own story, not just a bystander. So if doula support doesn't happen this time, that's okay. Truly, you're not behind. You're making the best decisions you can with the time, resources and info you've got, and that my friend is powerful. All right, deep breath.

Speaker 1: 20:55

Let's close this out with a few final thoughts and ways I can support you if you're ready for more. First, you're allowed to interview multiple doulas. You're not being too much, you're not being picky. You're choosing someone to be behind your side during one of the most vulnerable and powerful experiences of your life. That deserves time and thought. Second, you don't need to mold yourself to fit someone else's way of doing birth. This is your journey. The right doula will meet you where you are and walk with you, not try to lead you somewhere you didn't want to go.

Speaker 1: 21:31

And if you're listening to all of this and thinking I still don't even know what kind of support I need yet. Never fear, I am here as a prenatal coach. My job happens before the labor starts. I help you get clear on your birth preferences and priorities, understand how different birth settings and providers actually work, practice what to say when things feel rushed or overwhelming, build your confidence so that you walk into your birth already feeling like the head of your birth team. And when you've done that kind of prep work, it's so much easier to find a doula who complements your vision instead of confusing it. The doula is your steady support in the birth room. I'm the one helping you get ready for the birth room, so you're not winging it, second-guessing yourself or handing over your power. We each play a different role, but together it can be a beautiful balance of preparation and presence. You deserve a birth team that works for you, and this episode is just one step in building that team with intention and heart.

Speaker 1: 22:29

Okay, so we covered a lot today, so let's bring it back to center. Finding a doula isn't about choosing the trendiest name or checking off the natural birth box. It's about finding someone who makes you feel safe, supported and seen, whether you're birthing at home, in a hospital or somewhere in between. You're allowed to ask questions, you're allowed to trust your gut and you're allowed to take time finding someone who feels like a right fit. And if you're still feeling unsure or just want a clearer sense of what kind of support you need before you start making calls, I'd love to help. My prenatal coaching is designed to help you feel confident, calm and clear about what matters most to you before you're in labor.

Speaker 1: 23:06

Whether you're building your birth plan, feeling nervous about hospital policies or wondering how to get your partner involved, this is the kind of stuff we work on together. If you'd like to connect, you can schedule a free birth vision call with me at kellyhoffcom. No pressure, just real conversation about your goals, your fears and the kind of birth you're dreaming about. And if this episode helped you at all, would you take 30 seconds to share it with a friend or leave a quick review? That helps this podcast reach more moms who need this kind of support. All right, my friend, you are strong, you are wise. You are the leader of your birth story and the support you choose it should reflect that. I'm cheering you on every step of the way, until next time. Take a deep breath, trust yourself.