Mini Episode: From Pumps To Peace: Choosing What Works For Your Baby And You

The first days of feeding a newborn can feel like a test you didn’t study for: alarms go off every two hours, pumps take over your counter, and every ounce feels like a verdict. We open up about low milk supply, the pull to “keep trying,” and the quiet relief that comes from choosing what actually works for your baby and your life. No shaming, no perfect-parent script—just honest stories and practical paths forward.

We dig into the real costs of chasing a plan that doesn’t fit: hours spent researching pumps and flanges, returning to shift work with a cooler bag in hand, and the mental math of leaving tables to pump in cramped back offices. There’s room here for the science and the context. Breast milk has well-documented benefits, yes, and there are safe, tested alternatives when your body says not today. We talk donor milk banks, how formula has evolved, and why cow’s milk shouldn’t replace breast milk or formula before age one. Along the way we unpack the long, messy history of feeding trends and remind ourselves that pressure often hides behind the word “support.”

The heart of the conversation is a mindset shift: do the best you can with the resources you have right now and let that be perfect. That means asking your pediatrician for alternatives if advice doesn’t fit your reality. It means measuring success by a fed baby, a calmer home, and a parent who still feels like a person. You’re not required to carry a story about what would have happened 200 years ago. You are allowed to choose the option that keeps your family steady today.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a kinder take on newborn feeding, and leave a quick review to help more parents find us. Your stories help others breathe easier—what choice brought you peace?

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Chapters

• 0:00 When Breastfeeding Is Hard
• 1:02 Shifting To A Self-Compassion Mindset
• 1:41 Pumping Gear, Costs, And Pressure
• 2:22 Work Realities And Setting Limits
• 3:28 Wanting Connection Despite Low Supply
• 3:51 History, Alternatives, And Donor Milk
• 5:08 Trends, Expectations, And Mom Guilt
• 5:40 Partnering With Pediatricians
• 6:12 Defining “Best” In The Moment

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:28

Breastfeeding was very, very, very hard. I tried for three months. And it's with Caseen, I still was not able to produce a lot, but I gave him what I could. But I went at it at a very different mindset of I'm gonna do my best with what I can do, and that is perfect.

SPEAKER_00: 0:54

Right. And that's the mindset we all need.

SPEAKER_01: 0:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 0:57

I mean, if anything I could give some a mom mindset going into the first time, it's you're gonna do the best that you can, and that is perfect.

SPEAKER_01: 1:05

Yes. And so with Case in, I was like, okay, I'm good. We're done. And I think for him, it was like a month that I tried. But with Kylie, she was either strapped to my boob trying to feed her, or I had the pumps in. And we spent, I mean, you know, doing the research on the breast pumps. Like I got the Spectra or whatever it was from the insurance company. But then okay, maybe we get new flanges that fit my boobs better. And maybe, oh, maybe if we get the Hoka, that's just like it just squeezes it out based off assumption. Or so I mean, we spent, I was like, oh, they have this new one that like, I don't know, like we spent so much money in time. I spent so much time on that to try to get it because I thought it was what was supposed to happen. And like I said, in the hospital, they were very adamant about you should keep trying to breastfeed, you should keep trying to do this. But then it got to the point, especially with me having to go back to work, I was like, it's not, it's not working. This is, I'm not gonna be in the restaurant and pump for every two hours. I have to leave my tables to go pump for 20 minutes each side. Yeah. And so when I went back to work, I think I did it for like a week and I was like, I'm out. This is I'm yeah. And were you in the bathroom doing that? No, they let me go to the office. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I was really good friends with management. They did have a camera in the office, but there was like one, no, no, no, no. There was one corner that nothing saw. It was right by the door. So they put like a screen over the window. And then, you know, there'd only be two people with keys at any time in the restaurant. And I was one of them because I would manage for them sometimes. So they're like, whenever you need to go, just go. So they were very supportive of what I wanted to do. But like I said, after it was after like a few shifts, and I was like, Yeah, so done. But I wanted, I wanted that connection with Kylie, and I wanted to give her what she needed. And I do believe that I mean, obviously with the studies, it shows it's true, but breast milk is amazing for the kids, and I wanted to give that to her. Um, and my body was just like, no, you can have a little bit, but not a lot.

SPEAKER_00: 3:21

Yeah, I had the same feeling. And the the truth is, I don't want to gloss over the dark history of breastfeeding and wet nurses and all that, but in the past, that's why we've had alternatives, right? So in my head, I thought, and this is what I told myself if it were 200 years ago and I weren't able to breastfeed my baby, she would die. That was what was playing in my head when I was determined to breastfeed. The truth is there are other humans out there or animals that can breastfeed your baby. And I'm not advocating for going out and finding another human to do it. If that's what you want to do, that's that's fine. We have a lot of options now, like we have donor banks where the milk has been pasteurized, tested, all of that stuff. Cow's milk isn't equivalent to breast milk. So if you're thinking about replacing breast milk with cow's milk, don't do it until your baby's a year old. But 200 years ago, there were other options. I know my mom told me that her mom used, I think, barley to make some sort of formula for her because she couldn't breastfeed, or it was frowned upon back then. I don't even know because there's been so many different trends in feeding babies. Right. So, and also back when your mom was feeding you, the trend was definitely not breastfeeding. That was when formula was the thing, right? And so there was no support. And there's so much expectation on moms and the rules change all the time. Yeah. So if you are trying to fit into the societal mold that you're seeing today, I want to absolve you of that because it's a trend. That's all it is right now. We get the information that we get from the sources we get, and then we interpret that information and we share it, and then moms are told that they should follow that. And truthfully, moms need to do what they need to do. They need to figure out what's best for them and their family and figure out what works for them and then move on and not worry about what society is saying and sure, go to the pediatrician, make sure your baby's healthy. Right. And listen to the pediatrician. But also, if you're talking to your pediatrician and something just doesn't feel right for you, ask for alternatives. They can help you. And it doesn't need to mean anything. You don't need to create an entire story around like I did, you know, like my baby would have died 200 years ago. Don't do that to yourself because it's probably not true. You probably don't have enough information. Do what's best for you right now, given the circumstances you have right now, and let that be the best that you can do. Because your job is to be the best mother, human being for your baby. And it doesn't just mean you give them the perfect food. It doesn't just mean that you have the perfect delivery. You do the best you can in the moment and you move on. And you know that the decision that you made, the the resources that you had at that moment, the emotional energy that you had in that moment, the physical energy you had in that moment, that you did the best thing that you could in that moment for you and your baby, and then you move on.

SPEAKER_01: 6:18

Well said.