Mini-Episode: Matresence: The Birth Of A Mother (Why Postpartum Feels So Overwhelming)

Postpartum isn’t just physical recovery after birth, it’s the beginning of becoming a mother. In this episode, we talk about what postpartum really feels like and why so many women feel overwhelmed, anxious, or unlike themselves after having a baby.

If you felt prepared for birth but unprepared for postpartum, you are not alone. Many new moms experience intense changes, including hormone shifts, sleep deprivation, and pressure to feel confident. This can lead to thoughts like “something is wrong with me,” which often fuels anxiety, self-doubt, and shame.

We break down the difference between normal postpartum adjustment and signs of postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression, including persistent worry, intrusive thoughts, hopelessness, or feeling disconnected, and when to seek support.

We also introduce matrescence, or “the birth of a mother,” to explain the rapid identity shift that affects your body, emotions, relationships, and sense of self.

You will learn simple tools to manage overwhelming moments, including grounding techniques, breathwork, and understanding emotional waves.

Whether you are pregnant or navigating life with a newborn, this episode will help you feel more informed, supported, and confident.

Keywords: postpartum recovery, postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, matrescence, new mom, life after baby, birth preparation

Transcript

Why Postpartum Feels So Overwhelming (And Why It’s Not Just You)

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Hi friend, welcome back. If you're pregnant right now, you're probably spending a lot of time preparing for birth. Maybe you're reading books or taking classes or thinking about what kind of birth you want. But one of the biggest surprises for new moms isn't actually labor or delivery. It's postpartum. Because while a lot of people prepare you for the baby, very few prepare you for what it actually feels like to become a mother. I was one of those moms that was completely surprised by it, even though I was already a nurse when my first baby was born. I had worked in postpartum and I had worked in the nursery caring for dozens of babies at the same time. But when it was my baby, suddenly one baby felt overwhelming. And I remember saying to a friend of mine who already had two kids, I'm really hoping things get back to normal soon. And she looked at me and said something I'll never forget. She said, that probably won't happen. You just start getting accustomed to the new normal. That moment changed my expectations in a really important way. Because what many moms don't realize is that postpartum isn't just recovery from birth, it's the beginning of becoming a completely new version of yourself. And in this clip from the Birth Journeys podcast, my guest Emily Finnell describes something I hear from moms all the time. But many women feel too ashamed to say it out loud. Take a listen.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

So I am so passionate about this topic because I straight up thought I was going crazy after I had a baby. And I felt betrayed by everyone who had ever had babies that they didn't tell me that I was going to feel this way. Yeah, it's a lot. It can be. And that's the thing. Everybody's postpartum experience is unique. And so I think in a way we don't want to scare people and be like, oh, you might feel crazy. Because what if they don't? Because then I remember seeing my sister-in-law. She was like so chill and relaxed after she had her first baby. And I'm like, what is that? What did what are you doing? Like, how are you doing that? Because I it just wasn't my experience.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Yeah, I was, I was just a mess. And I felt so invalidated by people that were just like relaxed and in their element. I'm like, how are you not panicked? That yeah, like art.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

I felt fear and a lot of self-judgment.

Comment

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Yeah, same and shame. I want to pause here because what Emily is describing is incredibly common. So many moms quietly believe they are the only person struggling after birth. They look around and see other moms who seem calm, confident, and like they have everything together. And they think, why does this feel so hard for me? But what many people don't realize is that postpartum is one of the most intense physical and emotional transitions a human body can go through. Right after birth, hormones drop dramatically. In addition to that, you're physically recovering, you're sleep deprived, you're learning to care for a completely dependent newborn. And at the same time, you're becoming a completely new version of yourself. So if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, emotional, or unsure of yourself after having a baby, that doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you. It means you're human. But sometimes the story gets even heavier. Listen to this next part.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

My core thought was there's something wrong with me, which was think about how that plays out, right? Mm-hmm. Because then it's just everything I did. It was like, what's wrong with me? Why would I act this way? Why am I feeling this way? And it just spiraled. I would just spiral, so many spirals of anxiety.

Matresence

90 seconds

SPEAKER_00 4:05

This is where so many moms get stuck. That thought, something is wrong with me. When moms feel anxious, overwhelmed, irritable, or emotional after birth, they often assume they must be failing somehow. But in truth, there are multiple reasons postpartum can feel this way. Sometimes it's hormonal, sometimes it's the identity shift that comes with being a mother, sometimes it's lack of support. And sometimes it can be something that deserves real medical attention, like postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression. And that's incredibly important to talk about. Because if what you're experiencing includes things like persistent anxiety, disturbing intrusive thoughts that happen multiple times a day, feeling constantly overwhelmed, feeling disconnected from your baby, difficulty sleeping even when the baby sleeps, or feeling hopeless, that is not something you have to push through alone. There are providers, therapists, medications, and support systems that can help. Reaching out for help is not failure. It's self-care. And part of the reason postpartum can feel so intense is something we don't talk about nearly enough. It's something called matrescence. Listen to this. There's a word, and I'm not even sure if I'm pronouncing it right, matrescence or whatever, where it's like, I don't know this word. This word means the birth of a mother. Oh. So you're not just having a birth of a baby. You're becoming a whole new person physically, emotionally, and it's like an identity shift. It's it's like literally, it's like going through puberty immediately. Yeah. It's a greater shift than menopause. It's a greater shift than that. It happens that fast. Instinct. Matrescence is a term used to describe the birth of a mother. Just like adolescence is the transition into adulthood, matrescence is the transition into motherhood. And it affects everything: your hormones, your identity, your relationships, your priorities, your body, your emotions, your sense of self. And it happens incredibly fast. So if you feel like you don't recognize yourself after having a baby, you may not be imagining that. You're becoming someone new. But in the middle of all that change, there are tools that can help you navigate big emotions when they come up. Here's one that Emily shares.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

I learned that you actually cannot feel a sensation of an emotion for more than 90 seconds in your body. Unless you're looping in a story. So if you unplug from the story, instead I just felt the sensation, it washed through, and then I was able to ground.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

When we experience an emotion in our body, fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, there's usually a physical sensation first. Your heart might be racing. You might feel tightness in your chest. You might feel that sense of panic or overwhelm. And that physical wave usually passes relatively quickly. But what often keeps the feeling going is the story we tell ourselves about it. Things like something is wrong with me. I shouldn't feel this way. And those thoughts can keep us stuck in that spiral. Because in those moments, it's not about fixing everything. It's about helping your body feel safe again. So here are a few simple tools that can help. First, just name what you're feeling. Even something as simple as, I feel really overwhelmed right now. My heart is racing. I feel anxious. And then validate it. Instead of jumping to why am I feeling like this or this shouldn't be happening, you can say, it makes sense that I feel this way. This is a lot right now. Of course I'm overwhelmed. I just had a baby. That shift alone can move you out of self-judgment and into a place of support. Second, slow your breathing down. You can try something like inhale through your nose for four seconds, exhale slowly for six. That longer exhale helps signal to your body that you are safe. And third, orient yourself to your environment. Look around and name a few things you can see, hear, or touch. This helps bring you out of that internal spiral and back into the present moment. But I also want to be really clear about something. These tools can be helpful for managing moments of overwhelm. But if what you're experiencing feels persistent, intense, or like it's interfering with your ability to function, that's when support from a provider or a therapist is really important. And there is absolutely no shame in asking for help, because motherhood was never meant to be done alone. Postpartum isn't just recovery from birth, it's the birth of a mother. And that transition deserves support, compassion, education, and understanding. So if you're pregnant and preparing for this season, or if you're already in it and thinking, why does this feel so hard? I just want you to hear this. You're not doing anything wrong. This is a real transition. And you don't have to navigate it alone. If this conversation resonated with you and you'd like the notes from this video, just comment notes below and I'll send them to you.