192. The Frustration Fix: When Goals Feel Out of Reach

 Are you feeling frustrated from putting in effort yet seeing minimal results? In this episode of The Mindset Cafe Podcast, we dive deep into the root causes of stagnation, the hidden reasons behind stalled progress, and the daily steps necessary to break through. Discover practical strategies to set realistic goals, maintain motivation, and commit to the essential work that transforms frustration into progress. Listen now to learn how to build mental resilience, pivot your mindset, and create a clear path to success.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Mindset Cafe
• 1:48 Understanding the Root of Frustration
• 5:34 Nutrition and Half-Efforts
• 12:12 Creating Accountability Systems
• 19:46 Tangible vs. Intangible Progress
• 25:36 Progress Over Perfection
• 32:09 Breaking Plateaus in Your Training
• 38:16 Breakthroughs Come After Persistence
• 49:03 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Yeah, it's Mindset Cafe. We all about that mindset. Gotta stay focused, never settle for less. It's all in your head how you think you manifest. So get ready to rise, cause we about to be the best. Gotta switch it up. Gotta break the old habits. Get your mind right. Turn your dreams into habits. No negative vibes, only positive vibes. What is up, guys? Welcome to another episode of the Mindset Cafe podcast. It's your boy, de devin, and we got our other boy, nick, back. What up?

Speaker 1: 0:31

And so today, um, today, we're gonna be talking about frustration. Right, I'm fucking frustrated with this microphone right now. I'll tell you that we're going to talk about frustration, right, putting in the work and putting the effort in. You're not seeing the results that you think you should be seeing or the results that you hope to see. I mean, I know both of us can tell you firsthand. You know, with entrepreneurship and with even with fitness, like we both faced it. But it is a good topic because, especially in fitness, it's physically, it's mentally and it's emotionally challenging and it sucks not to see results. You know, after one workout, right, but let's be real, like Rome wasn't built at the day and that body wasn't built in a day either, right, and so I wanted to talk about the steps and Nick agreed, you know, after talking with a lot of the members and stuff on, with the challenge and all these kind of things.

Speaker 1: 1:35

So we both thought this would be an amazing idea to kind of talk about the frustration fix and how to kind of get your goals back into reach Right, when you feel like you're doing everything you can and it's just out of reach.

Speaker 1: 1:46

So let's dive in a little bit.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Nick, I'm not going to throw you under the bus on a trip I know you're on edge waiting for it but, like the root of frustration, right, frustration often arises when our expectations aren't met or when we're putting in all this work and we're not seeing the desired outcomes.

Speaker 1: 2:05

Right, we have to understand that the feelings come from, where the feelings come from, so that we can help overcome them. And our mindset has to be developed in a way that we have a little bit of patience, a little bit of grace for ourself, right, because your journey like we've talked on so many episodes, like your journey is not the same as someone else's and by pinpointing why you're frustrated with yourself, you can start to overcome those hurdles. So, whether it's, you know setting unrealistic goals or the lack of a structured plan. You know we'll be able to address it head on if we know what the issue is. So let's start into, like some of just like the common fitness you know frustrations that you hear on the floor and that you know our trainers talk to you about that they hear from other members, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:53

So to actually add on to that you know kind of how we came up with the topic of this episode was from one of the one of our members. He's actually watching right now, so shout out, aiden. You know it was a really good suggestion that you had as to the frustrations that we face, especially when it comes to fitness, when we're setting goals for ourselves and working out and the whole overall aspect of fitness. But one of the main things that he mentioned was, you know, having or us having expectations for ourselves to reach a certain goal but not putting in the work that's necessary, right, or knowing that we should be doing certain things or doing certain steps to achieve that goal but yet we're not doing them and then be frustrated when we're not making progress or when we don't reach that goal. And to be actually specific, he said, you know, with him doing the challenge right now is that he's actually talked to a lot of people as well that you know. Oh yeah, I work out every day, you know, and my goal is this, like to lose body fat or lose weight, whatever it is, and the fact that you know they they're not making, they're not seeing the results that they want. And then he asked like, oh why, like how you know what are you eating with, how does your ingestion look like? And this is him going off of um. You know him, him doing the challenge and having a better understanding of what he should be eating and, like the having a detailed plan to it. And then the answers that they, they gave him was that oh yeah, I'm eating bread, I'm I'm eating tamales, I'm eating this, I'm eating that. And then it's like you know he, even he was like, he was like, well, that's your answer, right there. You know, and for him to understand that it's like you know the thought process of us, kind of knowing that we're not putting in the work, and it's like knowing, kind of certain areas, that we're making a mistake or we're not doing the right things, but yet expecting a certain, the right outcome, or expecting to make progress or achieve the goal, you know, when we know that we're not fucking doing the work.

Speaker 2: 4:54

You know, in a nutshell, and I think that's one main big thing about this whole you know us having expectations for us to reach our goals. But before we make and before we assess, you know, are we hitting plateaus? Are we taking the you know, um, any other first steps? I think one of the main things is like am I doing? Am I doing things that are wrong and I know about it, but yet I'm not changing? Does that make sense? Yeah, you know what I mean. It's like. It's like it's like running into a wall and then you're going to do it again, expecting a different result. It's like come on, bro, if you're trying to get to the other side. It's like you can't expect to do the same wrong thing over and over again and expect a different outcome.

Speaker 1: 5:38

That's true. I mean, what are some of the frustrations, though, that you hear with the challenge? I mean, I will say Aiden was talking to me, too, about some of the cool things that and we'll talk about this later with the frustration is he kind of set a self-accountability system for himself, but in doing so he actually created a sense of influence within his own friends and other people, whether doing the challenge or not, within, like his own friends and other people, whether they're doing the challenge or not. He was saying that he basically sends his, his food that he ate for the day, to you know some people, and they started, you know, sending their food back and and stuff. And basically, all of a sudden, he'll forget to send his food. And then they're like what you didn't eat for the day? And then he's like, oh man, let me send the send the meal you know meals real quick day. And then he's like, oh man, let me send the send the meal, you know meals real quick. And so, in doing so, he started to one, have other people jump on board to you know, eating healthier, you know, and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 6:37

But two, it is holding him accountable. So not only is he helping, but it's also helping him right. So, which is a cool thing to do. So do? I just want to commend you for that? Becauseiden, because that is a huge thing to do to one, make yourself vulnerable enough to put yourself out there, tell the other people that you're being serious about it, you can clean, and so forth. But then, two, to take it the next step and trying to bring them on board to doing better. It's huge, it's hard, right. Better, you know it's it's huge, it's hard, right.

Speaker 1: 7:04

But what, what kind of things do you hear, not just from the challenge, but just daily, right? I know there's a member that you know even reached out to me and and you'll probably know who I'm talking about but she said that she wanted to essentially meet and talk because she's going through a mindset. You know she needs a mindset like shift or a recap, right, she's, you know, kind of feeling down on herself and being hard on herself, and it's through, essentially, talks or reframing that it does help. But what are general things that you hear on a daily basis or a weekly basis that we can kind of start to reshift some mindsets that guarantee other people are feeling it, but not mentioning it. Does that make sense? Yeah, as far as like, like reaching, goals right yeah, or just just like fitness in general, right?

Speaker 1: 8:00

so like a new member signs up and a month later they haven't seen their dream body yet and now they're kind of feeling hard on themselves. You know those kind of things, got you?

Speaker 2: 8:10

So I mean, I'm sure, like kind of on a broader, on a broader spectrum of it. It's like we all have the frustrations of, when it comes to our health and fitness, that Having a certain expectation or at least like to see a drastic change very immediately, right, if we, if we take the aspect of time into consideration now also, kind of the thing that we got to think about when we start to feel this way is, wherever we, how, wherever we are, what we're not happy with it didn't happen overnight, right. And these are just some things that I kind of say to members as well, or people that we do talk to, because you know that is one main frustration where you're like I'm not seeing the results right away. Well, we didn't get here overnight either. You know, like you mentioned earlier, like we got to give ourself grace as far as, like you know, at least understanding that it is going to take time, it is going to. You know you're going to have to apply some patience, some active patience, while you're putting in the work and have faith that you know you are going to bear that fruit.

Speaker 2: 9:20

You know, slowly and progressively, as the time comes, given that you're doing the right things and taking the right step Cause a lot and a lot of things too that, like you mentioned, like you mentioned, like the mindset of hitting a rut and stuff like that that it's okay to hit a mental you know, a mental wall and to feel down at certain times and need, you know, kind of like a mental reset, but at the same time we got to remember that you can't, we can't, linger within that phase, you know, for a long time, like allow yourself to feel that moment, but then then we got to think, we got to train ourselves to think okay, what is the solution? What is my first step now to get out of this rut? You know what is the solution, what is the first step to my solution? To not feel this way, because then I feel like, especially when it comes to fitness, it's like, again, it's not going to happen overnight. You know, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. So, with having with us, at least first having that understanding, it's now kind of shifting your mind to okay, but what can I do right now? And what are the necessary, necessary steps that I need to do now for me to get out of here? You know, because as long as we allow ourselves to, you know, wallow and so and kind of like that pity, it's like you're just delaying, you know, delaying the time in between for you to not feel that way or at least like feel better about yourself.

Speaker 2: 10:46

And actually it just reminded me of an example, um, you know, because I was talking to nikki, one of the trainers, um, the other day, because she offered them a member to do an in body right um, but then they were kind of hesitant on doing it because they haven't been in in a while, you know, they, they took a little bit of a break, you know, for whatever reason, and then they started back up recently, for about a week and a half now, and they've been consistent, but they didn't want to do an embody because they were afraid, right, and I was kind of just telling nikki that, you know, we got to put ourselves in their shoes, like how they're feeling.

Speaker 2: 11:21

They have, like you know, the member was probably feeling fear, like dang, I'm not where I used to be and now I have to start all over, and then kind of having like telling her, like having that empathy, but also in expressing the acknowledging, you know how they feel, and then showing that empathy on right after that, though, it's like presenting the solution right, giving them the knowledge and the information that they do need, like well, definitely understandable to feel that way, but you've already been consistent for like a week and a half.

Speaker 2: 11:54

Now imagine you're going to wait another two, three weeks to do to do the embody. Think about the progress you're going to make between the two to three weeks, the information that you're missing out on. Wouldn't you want to know that you've lost, even even if it was just three to four pounds within you, getting back into the routine, with you seeing that, from this moment to the next three, four weeks that you're gonna, you know, get your groove back, that's gonna give you momentum, that's gonna give you the confidence that that, that mental push to get out, get you out of that rut. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 12:24

Yeah, so no, it's huge. I mean something Geraldine mentioned and it's funny because I wanted to talk about this too, because it was something that Aiden was talking about as well. But, to your point, like some people don't realize how far they've come, right, and that was Geraldine's comment, right, shout out G for throwing something in the comments, right, and so that's the biggest thing. I mean me and you had this talk to like remember, when we first launched the business, everything was growing and we kept reinvesting into the business and then all of a sudden, I do that what's happening? And it was like, look at how far we've come in a year, look how far we came in two years, right, and then it's like look back a year, look back two years, look back five years, like what were we doing five years ago? Right, and so like, sometimes, like when you look back and you see your progress, it allows you to appreciate it a little bit more. But also there's tangible and intangible like progress, right, and this goes to what aiden was mentioning earlier.

Speaker 1: 13:25

Sometimes someone, let's say, does an in-body scan and they might not see the weight drop like they thought they would. Right, yes, they lost a couple pounds, but they wanted. Let's say they lost three pounds. They wanted to lose six. Right now they're still doing good, but they're in their mind they're not doing as good as they thought because everything is tied to that tangible, basically visible result, right, how they look in the mirror and stuff like that. The intangible goes to what Aiden was saying is he feels more energetic, more motivated, more. You know. Everything else you know internally is just feeling basically on point, and so those things aren't as measurable or as visible. But that's still a result and that's still a progress forward, right, but you can't weigh that when you do a body composition scan, right, right, you can't track that.

Speaker 1: 14:12

Yeah, I got one more pound of motivation, right, right, so sometimes we have to take a step back and look what other things have also improved. Has me? Have I all of a sudden been more attentive at home? Have I been more engaged in conversations? Because I feel more confident within myself? Right, so now I'm willing to put myself out there and talk to more people. And you know Nathan, for example, right, when you know, when he first came, and he was super overweight, he was one of the most quiet people in the gym. Now homeboy, doesn't, you know, shut up, you know in a good way, right, but you can see that those things aren't measurable, right. So it's like those things.

Speaker 1: 14:52

You have to also give yourself that grace and realize that what else is also improving, right, and sometimes you might not see it right away, but other people might notice it and be like yo, you're like what, what kind of coffee do you drink today? Like I want some of that. Like yo, you're like what, what kind of coffee did you drink today? Like I want some of that. And you're like, actually like aiden's, like I haven't I'm on no pre-workout and you know, and I was like kudos to you, I ain't doing that, you know, but like those kind of things. So I think that's that's a huge aspect, you know, um, but I mean, like, what are some? What are some intangible things? Right, because tangible is pretty obvious, like weight loss, muscle gain, you're lifting heavier, you know you can travel and things. But what are some more intangible things that people may be able to internalize and see? Have these things been improving, right? So energy is one, self-motivation is another.

Speaker 2: 15:42

What would be another one. Yeah, I mean I would say, like your mood you know what I mean like how you feel, um, your confidence, right? So I mean I mean right off the bat, like those are the first couple things, just on top of what you just mentioned, that are intangible things that you know we can use as a bar of measure, you know, to gauge of our progress. And the thing is like like how you feel, you know your mood, your energy, um, your thought process, like the way you're thinking, like you have a negative outlook, they have a positive outlook. But this is actually what I was going to literally say after off of what you were saying is I don't want to be, I'm not trying to be, a Debbie Downer and don't, like you know, I'm not trying to give like a prelude, but it's more so like that I kind of want to give it, to give it straight, because it's like people that care about you are going to tell you what's up about you are going to tell you what's up right and the fact of how those both tangible but even the intangible things and measurable things that we can use, it comes down to accountability to me, like it comes down to accountability and to yourself and the actions that you take, because if we think about it, like Aiden said, I feel much better. You know, mentally, like you know, my energy is up higher, my, my energy's up higher and, like my boot, my mood's a lot better and, like you carry yourself with a different kind of swag. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 17:13

That comes from the comp, your confidence and you knowing that you did the right thing and or did the things that you were supposed to do. That's where it comes from. Vice versa, it is what it is, but it's like I mean not all the time, but some of the times when you feel like in that rut or maybe like you don't feel the best as energy wise or your mood's kind of shitty, whatever. It's like, like you said, take a step back and you know kind kind of audit yourself a little bit. Did I take all the right steps? Was I accountable? And you know, staying on top of my meals or am I consistent with my workouts? Am I getting enough sleep? Am I getting enough recovery Right? Because if the answer is no, the answer is kind of right there. Kind of right there, meaning like if you, if you're not doing the right things or you're not doing what you're supposed to do, you're not gonna feel that.

Speaker 2: 18:11

Even that intangible positivity does that make sense, you know, I mean cuz like the confidence comes from you, knowing that you did the right thing. That's why I like, when you that's like even just work, work wise, like if your boss asks you like, oh, how you doing, like, how is how's working everything, your answer is like, yeah, everything is great. Like, you know, like, and we're making all this progress. And the way, even the way you speak about it, the um there's a word I'm looking for. It starts with v? Um, badass v? Um. I don't think of it. But even the way we express ourselves is so upbeat.

Speaker 2: 18:48

The energy behind it is like you can feel that because you know you did all the right actions and the right steps, you know there is no regret. But then when they ask you, it's like, oh, how's things going? And you know you're kind of up and you're slacking off. It's like, oh, it's good. When I said that, it kind of like with the challengers on the meal plan, and you guys know if you're on the challenge, I've been asking you recently how are the meal plans, how are your meal plans going and I'd be like, good, no, give me one to ten. Yeah, you know, and I can tell by the way you, just your voice and your answer, like the presence that you give, the energy you're giving me, I can tell there's some room for improvement right there. You know what I mean. So I mean that's my take on like intangible stuff, if the intangible um measurement of it. It's like if you, if you do good, you feel good, point like like you know, yeah, and I mean to.

Speaker 1: 19:41

To that I'll say that there's a big like push, like there's that all or nothing mindset. You know people think that they need to have right, and it's not just in the sense of I'm going to go every single day and do it every single day. That's not what I mean by all or nothing mindset. It's I need to feel 100% to do it, otherwise there's no point in doing it right. And that's that's the all or all or nothing mindset that you got to kind of shift away from, because you're not, you're not always going to feel like it, like we don't always feel like showing up to work, but we do it because we know the result and we know why we're doing it, we know the purpose, but the mindset or the the reframing that you need to have is it's not all or nothing, it's progress over perfection, right? So am I going to show up today and make progress? Am I going to move the needle towards my goal?

Speaker 1: 20:40

If the answer is yes, which it should be, then you still do it, regardless of how you feel right, and there's going to be ups, there's going to be downs in business and life and relationships.

Speaker 1: 20:51

At the end of the day, you still show up and you do what you can, the best of your abilities, because otherwise why are you doing it at all? If you're doing it half-assed, even though, like, let's say you don't have a hundred percent of your energy, but let's say you're on, have 100 of your energy, but let's say you're on 70 of what you can normally do, you better give all 70, right? That's what I mean by you know, not not showing up and doing your best, because even lifting right, there's days that we feel that you just feel stronger and no matter what you try to do you know 22, 225 or 135, you know, let's say, a bench press it just feels heavy. Some days it's random and you're like, well damn, I don't know if they changed the weights in here or what, but that shit, that was rough. Other days you go in and you're like, wow, this is super light today, right?

Speaker 2: 21:50

But those things, no matter what you still showing up and you doing, what you can do is still going to move that needle in becoming the version of you that you want to become right. I like that analogy. Actually it's like because, and like, hopefully, everybody can you know?

Speaker 2: 21:56

uh, hopefully everyone can relate to benpress in 225 calm down, or not all as small as you, but um uh you, but it threw me off my thought process. But it's such a good example, though, because if you do think about it, like when you're working out, and you just feel like certain days are just harder than others, you know what I mean. Certain reps are harder than others. Those are the moments where you kind of think and assess yourself Am I going to stop, or just like life, or are you just going to push it as hard as you can? And I think that's your point, right? I mean, that's your point. It's like, even if it feels heavy sometimes, you still have to push. Yeah, yeah, we'll put. We should put that on the shirt.

Speaker 1: 22:46

But I mean also like there's like cause, like doing that and still pushing, even when it feels heavy. You're going to feel like you didn't really move the needle, but we both know that that's still progress forward. Slow progress is still progress, right. There's going to be times where it feels like you're running in sand, right, and every step is like you have to take two steps to make the same distance as if you're running on street, right, and that's okay because you're still moving forward, right. And so there's almost a power that comes with or a yes, power is the wrong word almost like a, a skill that's developed and a power essentially, essentially, that you start to develop within being patient on achieving your goals. Right, because patience is a virtue and in a lot of the person that can endure and be more patient in achieving a bigger goal, not not patience just sitting there waiting and twiddling your thumbs, but like actively patient, right, and doing the work day after day and knowing that it will work out. As long as they keep going, those are the people that are going to succeed, right.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Most people get to that threshold and they sit there and they're, you know, scraping at the wall and on the other side of the wall is the diamond or the gold and they're scraping the scraping. Ah, I'm over this, like I'm just never gonna break through. It could have been a day, it could have been a week, it could have been a month or a year, but you've already put in a year, five years, ten years to get there. What's one more? Right, it's you're so close and a lot of people that's what separates even business owners, right, a lot of people start to hit a wall or hit a threshold and then they are like you know what? I'm just not cut out for this. So you know, you just didn't do the work to go find the resources.

Speaker 1: 24:38

If you don't have the resources, find them. You don't have the time bullshit, you don't have, you know, a mentor. Look, want to reach out right, right now for fitness. If you don't have a, let's say, you're not coming to here because you already get trainers. But if you're going to the gym and you don't know what to do or you've hit a wall, ask a trainer, pay for a trainer, like you don't need to use them for the rest of your life, but get some guidance because at the end of the day, you don't need to face this journey alone. I mean, that's the only reason why we're a part of, like the mastermind for business is because we talked about it, condensing timelines and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 25:12

But there's so many ins and outs of business that we don't know yet, right, and you don't know what you don't know until you get hit with it and you're like shit, I don't know that you know, or you know you're. Now you're like, okay, well, I can try to figure this out on my own, or I could just ask my community. And then you're like everyone's like. You know, they all give their two cents on it. Same thing with fitness. You have your fitness community and people are like yeah, you know, I struggled with that at one point. This is what I did, and maybe you try it. That doesn doesn't work.

Speaker 2: 25:43

Someone else said they tried this and then you try that right, and you pick and choose what works for you, because you never know what key is going to unlock that door for you to keep going past that threshold right and I actually want to touch on, you know, the the patient, the patient's aspect, because I don't want people to, or I don't want anyone to get like not the wrong idea, but to kind of feel comfortable with the thought of being patient. Because, going off of what aiden spoke to me about and you know kind of him speaking to other people and saying, yeah, I work out, I work, I come work out consistently and I work hard at the gym and I, you know, I go, I go all in and I'm doing what I can, but then there's the other half of it that they're missing. When, when with the food, with the nutrition aspect, right, and like blatantly they're honest, like, yeah, I'm eating bread, I'm eating, meaning like pretty much, I don't know what I'm eating, my nutrition's not all out of whack. Now that's that's something where we have to also understand that that's not being patient to see progress, that you're putting in half the work but you're missing the other half, right, right, because then that's also again, it comes with many different, many different things come into play as far as having accountability, auditing and assessing your, your blueprint or your plan to achieve your goal, too, right, because then then, like you said, it's one thing to be patient, but you're also being patient by not putting in a hundred percent, like you said, like going all in, because it's like if your workout's on point but your your nutrition's not, you're not giving it all you can right. Or vice versa, if your you know your nutrition's like somewhat on point, but you're not really putting in, you know like the actual work to work out or or be active, you're not giving 100, right, right. So like kind of having that patience.

Speaker 2: 27:36

Understanding is like, as long as you're you have a set plan, you have a set goal and you're um executing on your plan. Right is when that you know us can, can give yourself a little grace and like be patient with it, and then you can see the progress happen over time. And that's when the actually the intangible aspects can come into it too. Because even if you don't see the fruit, the, you know the fruit bear, like right away. You're going to feel much better. Why? Because it comes back to you being accountable and taking the right steps.

Speaker 1: 28:08

You know what I mean yeah, I mean, the time you plant a seed is not the time you get to eat the fruit what's that tree?

Speaker 2: 28:15

sorry, I mean like, what's that tree? That? Um, this is a tree that you plant and it takes like a long time to like grow, but when it grows, when it does finally like grow, it like just shoots up. There's a type of tree pretty much any tree, no but there's like a specific tree that, um, it was on andy's, like I think it's a bamboo tree. Is it a bamboo tree? I think so, but it was.

Speaker 2: 28:38

He was talking about a tree, pretty much that, like you plant it and it takes a while, like you don't see any kind of growth immediately, but then, like when it does finally sprout, like after like a number of years, it grows like super huge and, like you know, super like kind of pretty quickly. This is what he was saying and I think that goes, you know, kind of very relatable to this, because it's like, especially with fitness, progress or actually lot of progress, where you may not see things immediately, but if you just keep putting in the work, you know the right way and that you believe and you put your faith in and you know, you just don't give up, like I mean, you're gonna see the result.

Speaker 1: 29:22

No, I mean, to what you're saying. I have no idea what tree you're talking about, but pretty much any tree plant is going to take fucking long.

Speaker 2: 29:28

Oh, dico answered it.

Speaker 1: 29:29

Yeah, I was right, Bamboo Shout out, dico, any tree plant is going to take a cool minute to grow. But to what you're saying, I do get what you mean, though, there. So when you're putting in the work, like you're watering the seed you start to see it flourish, right. And that's when you start to notice your results from all the hard work you've been putting in right. And so what happens when you start to see results? Are you going to take your foot off the gas or are you probably going to put your foot harder on the gas? So now it goes from needing external motivation and you know needing David Goggin videos I don't know why that sounds so weird when I'm saying it. Or you know listening to a podcast to get motivated, or you know listening to your hype song because you're just not feeling it. It's like those things get you going when you don't feel like it. But then, when you start to see the results, you don't need any of those things because you already have this internal fire. That's like damn, like I just want to see another striation, I just want to see another muscle pop, I just want to see another pound off the scale. Like this is so awesome, right. And now you are fueling yourself from your own results. But that only happens after you put in the work for a certain amount of time and then you start to see exponential results because you've already put in that time and you've already passed that threshold right.

Speaker 1: 30:55

But to what you're saying on, you can't, you can't just give all your, all your attention to one thing and, almost like Ray Charles, rest right and you know, like your fitness and nutrition, you know it's like like doing that it's. You know that you need to do other things. Or you have a plan for for working out, but you don't have a plan for the rest of it. So you're not taking a whole list of a plan, a plan or approach, and so that is what goes back to. Your goals need to be measurable, right? So if you're doing a body composition it's skin and you're or you're weighing yourself or whatever the case may be, and you're all of a sudden you hit a plateau, it's like now it's time to adjust the plan.

Speaker 1: 31:33

And if you don't know how to adjust the plan, again, that goes back to what I was saying earlier. And that's when you reach out to someone, that's when you ask for advice, right? Because then they, that person, might be like yo. What does your nutrition look like? And you're like I'm eating clean. But what does eating clean mean to you? Right, when you say you're working out hard in the gym, your heart and my heart might be different, right, right, like. I mean Kim, the camera's on you right now, but I mean like when you work out right, versus with yourself, by yourself, or if you come work out with me. They're different workouts.

Speaker 2: 32:09

Yeah, right.

Speaker 1: 32:11

But and so it's like you you need to change up your strategy sometimes, and sometimes you don't know how to do it. So that's when you reach out, ask for advice, right. But you have to be comfortable in having that sense of humility, in realizing that it's okay not to know all the answers. Other people that are further along probably asked someone along the way and that's where they got to where they're at right. There's very few people that are successful in any area of life that have never gotten guidance or feedback or help in some form or fashion. Right? So it's like you got to think.

Speaker 1: 32:51

Just like building a business like your fitness, it's a team effort and the team doesn't need to be the same team all the way around it, but it's part of your team, is your accountability system, part of your team is the gym. You go to part of the team, you know so like you can mix and match it, but your, your team is the gym. You go to part of the team, you know so, like you can mix and match it, but your whole team is what helps you get to the end destination, right, miriam said shout out miriam.

Speaker 2: 33:15

Miriam said put in the work and trust the process. I feel like I've seen that on a shirt somewhere.

Speaker 2: 33:21

Yeah, no I, I do definitely. I do definitely agree with that, miriam. Um, I think that going off of, like this topic, it's like, to me, the main emphasis is put in the work. Right, you know, because it's like, put in, put in the work, but put in the complete work. You know what I mean because, like you said earlier too, the very beginning of the this episode, rome wasn't built in a day, right, neither was that body, that's right. You also, like, rome was also built by putting brick by brick, hashtag bricklayer. You know what I mean. Like you gotta, you gotta lay the cement, you gotta put, you know, you gotta put the pretty much like each brick, each brick down.

Speaker 2: 34:01

Because it's like, if you, if you don't, you try to find shortcuts or anything like that, or you're, you're missing certain parts of what the blueprint was supposed to be, then don't expect your, your dome to come out or your coliseum to come out the right way.

Speaker 2: 34:17

You know what I mean and I think the whole part of like giving yourself grace, it's like, yes, definitely, do give yourself some props and and take the time to understand that, give yourself a pat on the back right when you make, when even the small incremental, um, progress and changes, give yourself a pat on the back.

Speaker 2: 34:40

But it's not done yet. The work is not done and, like you said, you're gonna hit a plateau at a certain point. And I think plateaus aren't necessarily. They're not like a, like a negative thing, like oh my God, it's all over, or like oh my God, I failed. It's actually meaning that you made some progress, but now it's time to reassess, because it's time to level up and it's time to get to the next milestone or achieve the next goal that you're supposed to set milestone, or achieve the next goal that you're supposed to set, right Cause then, or or even if, like, you're still working towards a certain goal and then you kind of hit like a point where you you kind of stop a little bit, then that means that you've taken the right steps so far, but now you need to readjust and get an external output, like you said, or help or anything like that.

Speaker 1: 35:22

Yeah, I mean tying it all back into, like the episode. Topic of frustration, too, is frustration can can come from like a few different places, right. Is it coming from internal or external? Right, Is it something that you are essentially placing on yourself, right from your expectations or from what your just initial views are, right, you know, and your, your self goals that you're putting yourself? Or is it coming from societal pressures or societal influences? And you have to evaluate what is your goal? Why are you achieving it? Why do you want to achieve it?

Speaker 1: 35:58

And realize that you know your influences, your, your pressure can be minimized in certain ways, right. Who are you hanging out with? What are you watching? What are you listening to? Right, Because those things start to make up your perception or your perspective of essentially the world. Right, but also of your goals. Right, If you think, if you're comparing yourself to every single person, every influencer, and you're like damn, they always look good year-round, why do I have ups and downs? One, the comparison is a thief of all joy. And two, I had to realize that. Do you think that you need to look like that? Because now you're putting a pressure and a frustration on yourself that you don't look like that year-round Right.

Speaker 2: 36:42

I was going to say. I've actually like, I actually experienced that here, like quite often where it doesn't even need to be a social influencer, where like and I get it, you know like the internal feeling of like comparing yourself to someone else. Like people here at the gym like, talk to me, you know, like on the side, I hope so, here at the gym, like, talk to me, you know like on the side and I hope so. Like they talk to me, and then it's not like they like blatantly, say it out loud to other people's faces and stuff, but they do express to me like you know, oh, this person is like does this? This person is that, they've lost this, they've lost that.

Speaker 2: 37:17

And my main like, my main answer to that is like, time out, like you are not them, they are not you, your goals are not their goals, their goals are not your goals, right, and you're not going to put in their work, they're not going to put in your work. Stop comparing. Like. I understand where you're, I can understand your thought process, but at the end of the day, you like, you're just you. You know what I mean. Like you only have you. Like we mentioned in the past, like when that time it's time to punch out, to clock out, like no one else is going to be there. So the actions and the results and the things that you should be worried about right now while you have the chance and opportunity to put in the work is yours Right. Opportunity to put in the work is yours right.

Speaker 2: 38:10

And the fact of like spending, like you know, allowing ourselves to spend so much time feeling that frustration that can come from you know, ex, externally, from comparing to someone else, that's time and effort and energy that you could be pouring into yourself, right, and setting goal and and uh, putting in, uh the work to achieve your goals, to make progress, even small baby steps, for yourself, right. And I say that like with so much feeling because, like it's, it's so true, like bro, like who gives a shit about anyone, like about someone else's, like where they, they're, what they're doing you know what I mean. Like you're not walking their path and you spending so much time thinking about their path. You ain't walking yours. You know what I mean. So I, I that's just like. As far as, like the external aspect of like the frustrations and stuff you know, internally that's more of a different battle of like. That goes back to accountability, bro. You know what I mean To me like assessing yourself.

Speaker 1: 39:15

Yeah, I mean, the internal part is definitely a little more difficult, but it's assessing yourself. And why do you feel like that? Why, you know, why have you been doubting yourself? What have you done in the past? Is that you know? Reframing you to think that you can't do it in the future, so forth.

Speaker 1: 39:27

But to go to your analogy about the paths and stuff I literally just thought of, like I pictured in my head, it's like when, if someone else is like, think of a hiking trail, right, and if you're walking on one hiking trail, someone else, I'll walk in another one, you know, like, at certain hiking trails they'll have those like looking points, those big ass, like binocular things. It's like when you're comparing yourself to someone else. It's like you've stopped on your trail to watch, look through those binoculars at them. You're comparing everything that they're doing, and now you're watching them just walk forward until they're out of view and then all of a sudden, you get up, you keep going on your trail and then you get to the next one and now you're seeing them even further. But in, if you would have just focused on doing what you were doing, you would have been a lot further. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1: 40:07

So I think that it's important to have role models and look at other people for advice. Maybe you know, instead of comparisons like what are they doing, can I learn anything from what they're doing? Versus viewing it and being like damn, how did they do that? Like that's they must have done. You know this or that, and start to try to like, bring down what they've achieved, instead of like what can I learn from this? What can I take? What can I try to implement? Right fitness, especially like people see others with. You know the body they want, and they're like. You know they must be on steroids or they must be taking a you know a weight loss drug, or they must. They must be doing this. It's like what if they just put in the work and you're thinking this while you're eating pizza? It's like. At the end of the day, though, but what is it? What does it matter?

Speaker 1: 41:03

yeah, they're there, you're here that's right, so you can judge all you want, but they have the body you want. Yeah, so at the end of the day, it's almost like you know when, when entrepreneurs try to like judge another person, for you know their business took off and they're well, they're you know this, and then they're that, and it's like they're laughing all the way to the bank. You're fucking sitting there judging, they're on that next peak of the next mountain and they can't even hear you because you're still at the base of the mountain. So it's like don't judge and just focus on you, but not because you shouldn't judge, just to be a good human being, realize that you're only putting a detriment to your progress timeline.

Speaker 2: 41:51

Yeah, in doing so, no, but I like that a lot and the fact of being frustrated with someone else's results or and you know things that other people are doing. It doesn't solve your problem. You know what I mean. It doesn't help you achieve your goal, so I think that's just problem. You know what I mean. It doesn't help you achieve your goal. So I think that's just something you know for us to think like. Think about for a brief moment and hopefully to help you propel forward and just bring your binoculars back to right in front of you definitely, and I want to touch on dico's question.

Speaker 1: 42:22

Um, thank you, dico, for throwing in a Q&A Any suggestions on how to increase strength on bench press. I'm stuck at 185 for five reps, three sets. That's Devin's warmup. No, I mean honestly, I mean so you got to think what is your goal? Right? Are you trying to be stronger? Are you trying to get bigger, first off? Right, because at the end of the day, the weight on the bench press doesn't matter as much when you're walking around on the street.

Speaker 1: 42:51

You know someone, and this, the reason I say this is because I have some my Instagram influencer friends. Nick knows who I'm talking about, but me and him went to work out years back and I remember I was bench pressing like way more than him. I was like dude, you have all these muscles that fucking lift the weight, bro. And he was like dude, I can't do that and he physically couldn't. And it was that realization and I knew it from like textbook and what I thought was theory. But it's like what is your goal? His goal was to look good and just get bigger. You know, lifting for hypertrophy and mine was I just like to be strong. I didn't care as much like how big I got, necessarily.

Speaker 1: 43:30

And so my first question, before giving you the answer to how to get stronger is is your goal to just be stronger or is your goal to gain size? Because if your goal is to gain size, you should be hitting five reps, right? You should be dropping the weight a little bit, and this is where, especially for guys like like you, got to kind of check your ego at the door to actually see progress. And don't get me wrong, like I'm one of those competitive people that you know do like to mess around and throw around heavy weights too. But you have to realize what is your goal, right? If you're trying to get bigger, then you need to be trying to hit between 12 to 15 reps, ideally, and a weight that you can't lift more than 15 times. But you, if you can't hit, you know, 10 to 12 reps with it, then it's too heavy. If you can't hit 10 to 12 reps with it, then it's too heavy. So I would say 185 might be too heavy for you to train on getting stronger or even size, right? Because if you keep just doing the same thing, that's your threshold. So drop it back down, start training a little more volume and switching it up a little bit, and then you'll start to see that plateau breakthrough, right?

Speaker 1: 44:37

Because I mean, for example, even there was probably a two year period where I didn't do bench press, like with the bar, I only did. Dumbbells are actually not even lying Most of the time. I just did cables Because I'm, when I'm in the gym, I'm a lazy lifter and I don't want to have to go search, you know, all around the gym for two different dumbbells and so forth. And so if I'm in a commercial gym, like, I'll usually use like cables because I can just change the pin without having to go find stuff. But in doing so it also allowed my body to to get used to different movement patterns and so forth.

Speaker 1: 45:09

And then when I did go to bench press again, I told Nick the first time I bench press I was like, oh, that dude, this shit was crazy. And I told him and it was like a shock to me, but also your training needs to switch up. So if you're stuck at 185 for five, drop the weight, do more reps, 12 to 15 reps. But then also don't do bench press every time. It's chest day, right, do you know? Go go a couple of weeks without doing a bench press. What other exercises do you know? Right, and start training those. All of a sudden, you'll start off, let's say, doing 50 pound dumbbells and then next time you're at 55s and 60, 65s, and all of a sudden you go back to bench press. Well, all that increase in strength that you just did with the dumbbells, that equates to strength gain on the bench press.

Speaker 1: 45:52

and now, all of a sudden, you're hitting 205 small is the goal size of the prize but at the end of the day, I mean it's again, it's, it's frustrating, you know, if you do hit that plateau. But then you have to realize, if I keep hitting this plateau, what? What is the next step? Switch it up right, because especially with lifting, if you don't switch it up, your body gets used to it. Your body gets used to the same strenuous activity that it's put on because it wants to it maintain homeostasis of like. I can do this Right. So if you can do this, ok, let's switch it up and go do that for a little while. You'll get stronger. You'll start to see, you know, your strength increase on that. You bring it back and now you're that plateau isn't there anymore.

Speaker 2: 46:35

Yeah, I think Aiden a while back I forgot his specific question to me, but there was something about, like he wanted to increase, like you know, his strength on like a chest exercise. I was like, add some variation in there, bro, you know, develop your overall chest. I was like do like a shit ton of push-ups and throw some incline presses in there too, and then, like I think, a couple weeks after he was, like bro, I did. And then, like I think a couple weeks after he was, like bro, I did what you said and my the weight went up and he was like super hyped. Yeah, so like just our perspective on if one certain thing doesn't work and you know kind of again immediately, because you're doing the same thing again and again and again, there's always a solution.

Speaker 1: 47:17

Someone told me that one time I mean, think about it like there's a doorway behind me, right, if all the lights around off, right, and I thought the doorway was here. And so I go to walk through the doorway and I run into the wall and I'm like wait, the door, the door is right here there's the wall there right and then so you do it again and you hit the wall again.

Speaker 1: 47:40

Am I going to keep walking forward, hitting the wall, or am I going to take one step to the side and maybe hit the wall again and then take one more step to the side and then all of a sudden, boom, I'm through the doorway. So sometimes you have to adjust what you're currently doing so that you don't run into that wall again. Or sometimes it takes a few steps before you don't run into the wall. So just because you took one step and you ran into the wall again doesn't mean that you're that adjusting the plan isn't the right strategy. It's just maybe you haven't adjusted it enough to see that progress Right.

Speaker 2: 48:14

Yeah, and I think with your analogy right now and tying it into you know the topic of it, like the frustration aspect, it's like some I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry A lot of people get frustrated it's because they're doing that same thing. They're walking into the same wall, they're walking into the same part of the wall, doing the same step, and you're frustrated. You know versus, like I mean, come on, but it's a different thing when you're you hit the wall and then you take a step and then you hit the wall again. Yeah, you're going to be frustrated, but at least in your brain you're doing an actionable step into not running to the same side of the fucking wall. You know what I mean. And at some point, when you finally walk through the wall and the part that you were the right, correct area, that frustration starts to be relieved and it is all thanks to you taking those steps.

Speaker 1: 49:09

Right. And then you know to wrap it up to what we've talked about before, about delayed gratification and you know things are valuable when you know there's effort put in or there's a cost to it, right, and so realize that, tying this back to patience and frustration you have to realize that your goal is a goal because it's not something that's just achievable by one attempt or by just going to the gym one day. But you getting frustrated and you overcoming and breaking that plateau doesn't mean that you're not going to get frustrated again. But once you do achieve that, all of those frustrations and all of those setbacks and all of those times where you thought you couldn't do it and you just didn't give up, is only going to make achieving that goal that much more rewarding. Right, and I mean not to give us a fucking pat on the back, but you know, I don't know if you guys saw the Instagram post today, or you know if you're not watching live, then you know, scroll back a little bit. But uh, you know, we just got, we just brought on Texas as a franchisee and that is now going into being, you know, launching the franchise. Essentially, now we're on our second year of franchising Right, and I've had talks with them actually, because they were, you know, actually trying to open up the franchise for a while and like things weren't working out for them on on the backend and it was like, dude, that's, it's tough, but they kept going through it and like I remember he told me one time he was like it didn't work out with with a certain, a certain instance and he was like man, it feels like the wind got taken out of my sails and I'm like, did it or does?

Speaker 1: 50:52

Is this just a setback that's going to make that feel so much more rewarding. And then seeing their face, you know, today, when it was official, it was like that was more rewarding for for me than anything. Was like seeing them go through those ups and downs and then being able to see them come out on the other side and everything like that. But even for us, like it was 13 months before, you know, tampa Florida came on on board, 13 months of hitting a wall, day in, day out, and it was, you know, nick saw the frustration, I saw the frustration in him and it was like, damn, we're going through it.

Speaker 1: 51:27

But it was like what are we going to do? Like not not do what we set out to do to impact as many lives as we can. That was, that's not an option. This will be worth it when it works out. It's not if it's going to work out. It's when it's going to work out. And now everything is starting to work out. But that doesn't mean we're there yet and it doesn't mean that we celebrate these small wins. But that's not the rewarding aspect that we've set out, which is not in a. We're not going to achieve it in a year. That it's. It's years out before we achieve it, because those are the kind of goals that we've set and, believe me, even the micro goals within that goal, they're frustrating, not hitting it, but at the same time, it's like there it's all or nothing in achieving the goal. But the progress to show up every single day doesn't need to be all or nothing.

Speaker 2: 52:18

It's progress over perfection yeah, and I just want to have like a, a real moment, that that like because as you were talking, that's like kind of what resonated in my head about delayed gratification is that? And and on top of like, looking back and how far you've come, I just had like a vision of like when we first started and like how things played out and as far as, like you know, being patient and putting in the work and then you know franchising and stuff, and it's like thinking like the just the name, like Strive is like so far now is in three different States, it just like it gives me chills, chills. You know, it's just weird that like you just can't give up and you just have to put in the work, you know it will work out as long as you don't give up.

Speaker 1: 53:09

And there is a solution to every problem. But are you willing to go find that solution? That's the separating factor between the successful and the ones that wish they were successful in any area of life, and I truly believe that you know, and that's something that I've talked to you about a bunch, and it's like not not saying that you had those thoughts, but like that's almost like reminding myself, because most of the time it's like when we talk, like I'll tell you something and I don't know if it's going to work, work, but I'm like telling it to you and trying to sell myself on it too. And then all of a sudden, there's plenty of times where I I came back and like that wasn't the way. You know, this happened. Whatever, this is the way. And then we tried it. It didn't work. I was like, okay, this is the way. And then it worked.

Speaker 1: 53:59

But each of those times, as long as you have the mindset of, it's not a matter of if there is no, if it's going to work out, it will work out. As long as you believe it will work out, it will work out. But when is it going to work out. That's the unknown, and you just have to be willing to be actively patient, doing everything that you can to make it a reality. And it will happen, regardless of how other people are going along the same journey. Your journey is different for so many reasons.

Speaker 2: 54:31

It'll happen, so suck it up buttercup. Yep. So any goals that anybody has, whether it it's uh, health, fitness, business relationship, career, whatever it may be.

Speaker 1: 54:44

Nipsey hustle one said all money in no, but with that being said, guys, we appreciate you know you guys and we love you guys. We're always here for you guys. If you guys ever need help you know members or not um, you can always reach out to to us. Reach out to the strive page. I would say, reach out to Nick on Instagram, but you'll be left on unread. But reach out to the strive page. You can reach out to my page as well. You can try to reach out to Nick on his Instagram.

Speaker 1: 55:11

You know you got better luck buying a lot of ticket, um, but honestly, guys, we do appreciate all the support with the mindsetset Cafe, with Strive11. And we are here for you guys in any way that we can. So, with that being said, make sure you guys leave a review on the actual podcast itself. If you guys could, honestly, that'd be a huge help. Like I'm not even saying, like you know, share this episode or anything like that. Like one of the things that does the lack now is just going on to Spotify or Apple podcast and just leave a review. Like that would help us out greatly if you could do that and we'd really appreciate it. But, with that being said, distracted I stay on my mind no time to be distracted. I hustle harder, I go against the curve because I know my mind is rich to be collected.