245. Stay in Your Lane, Play Your Game & Use Your Resources

We break down why comparison creates fake losses and how to rebuild your scoreboard around the goal you actually want. From heart-rate zones to business KPIs, we show how to measure what matters, use your resources, and make discipline easier by lowering friction.

• comparison as a source of fake losses and negative loops
• fun challenges versus obsession and priority hijacking
• Myzone zones and why red is not a strength metric
• apples to oranges goals, inputs and constraints
• you versus you as behavior, not a slogan
• choosing KPIs that match the real goal
• resources used versus ignored and compounding effects
• adaptation through plateaus in fitness and business
• time audits, friction reduction and pre-commitment
• daily checklists, weekly reviews and planning tomorrow

Send this episode to a friend who keeps comparing their progress to someone on a different path. But like always, guys, if you need anything, send a DM.

Chapters

• 0:00 Fixing The Scoreboard In Your Head
• 2:10 Fun Challenges Versus Obsessive Competition
• 4:20 Myzone Zones And Misaligned Metrics
• 7:45 Apples To Oranges: Different Game Boards
• 11:30 You Versus You: Progress As Identity
• 15:05 Choosing KPIs That Fit Your Goal
• 18:40 Use Your Resources Or Fall Behind
• 22:05 Adaptation, Plateaus, And Taking Action
• 26:15 Time Audits, Friction, And Discipline
• 31:00 Recap, Recenter, And Share It Forward

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:20

What is up, guys? Most people don't lose in gym in the gym. They don't lose, you know, in business, they don't lose in life. You know, they lose in their heads first. And that's by comparing the wrong scoreboard or ignoring the tools that would help you win. Right. So let's fix both. Welcome back to the Mindset Cafe podcast. It's your boy Devin. And today I wanted to talk about how to stop scoreboard chasing, right? And how to actually use your resources that are right in front of you. Right. And maybe even change your perspective on the fact of you might be setting the wrong scoreboard or chasing the wrong things. Right. Because challenges are good if utilized correctly. If it becomes an obsession in the wrong way, it could work negatively against you in a mindset, a mind spec, mindset spec aspect, I guess. Um, so I wanted to go into that today. Um, and a lot of this is stemmed from some of the conversations that I've had over the past couple weeks with members at Strive 11, as well as some of the conversations I've had with some business owners, um, and people comparing themselves essentially to others. While that's good, in some aspects, it's not always good because if you're comparing yourself to someone else, you're taking time away from what you need to do, right? It's good in the sense of you can see where other what other people are doing and set a bar for yourself. But if you're using it as a daily check-in, you're checking what they're doing, you're checking, you know, how far they've come, you're checking, you know, what workout they did today. And now you're like, man, like they're they're cheating, they're doing it's like, no, like you're not focusing on what you need to do. They have their heads down and they're grinding. You're up here in La La Land and you're focusing on 10 things that other people are doing, and you're not focusing on one thing that you need to do, right? Or when you are focusing, you're not giving it 100% of your attention, right? So the the thesis of what I want to talk about today is really your journey is not their journey. And I know we've talked about this a few times, but the reason I wanted to bring this up is comparing your you're comparing yourself across different goals, different inputs, different constraints, and that's starting to create fake losses in your head. And that's one of the most frustrating things that you can do for yourself is to create these fake losses where losses weren't and aren't. You're just analyzing the wrong metrics, you're analyzing the wrong things, and you're comparing yourself to someone that's not on maybe even the same goal path as you. So I want to focus on today making it so that you're setting your scoreboard so that's more goal-specific in your progress and really only measuring the metrics that matter, right? Whether it's fitness, whether it's business, whether it's your relationship, right? But let's make this real. There's fun challenges and there's competitive challenges, right? I mean, for me, all can all competition is is competitive, even if it is fun. Um, but a fun, a fun challenge can spark your consistency, it can spark your motivation, but it's dangerous if it hijacks your priorities. And this is where I'm starting to see, even in you know, my gym strip 11 with this bi-monthly challenge that we have, it's supposed to be a fun challenge. But for some people, it's starting to hijack that fun aspect, and it's getting into like an obsession not in a good manner, and not in a manner that you're obsessed about winning and pushing yourself, you're just essentially obsessed about what are they doing and they must be cheating. So, for example, I'll make this a little bit more real, right? If you're watching someone else's in in the with like if you've ever used my zone, if you're listening, uh it's a heart rate tracking system, and in that you get basically different points for different uh target heart rate zones that you're in. And so if you're in a heart rate zone of you know, let's say 70%, then you're gonna be in green, right? 80% uh yellow, 90% red, so forth. And so in this, the whole goal of this challenge, it's supposed to be a competitive challenge that's fun, that just gets you to move more in the day, right? The whole point of the biomontal challenge is to increase daily activity inside and outside of the gym. Because if you increase your daily activity, you're gonna become more fit, more healthy, more happy, and so forth, right? That's the whole purpose of the challenge. And during this challenge, most of you don't realize that the yellow zone and red zone basically get the same points per minute. Now, your fitness goal, if it is to build muscle, then you're not you shouldn't be hitting the red zone, the 90% zone of your heart rate. If you're hitting 90% while you're lifting weights, then either you're maxing out, right? Only doing a couple reps, or you're not your heart rate's set too low. Because if I if we go out on a run and all of a sudden your heart rate goes way higher than it than it did when it was when you're lifting, which it should, that's what your red zone is. When you're lifting, you're gonna be in green and and possibly even yellow, and maybe even staying in yellow would be the ideal goal. But red is meant for sprints. So if you're focused on red, focus on it 90%, when you're focusing on lifting, they're two different goals. So if you're measuring one second. They must be cheating. It's like you guys are doing two different things. Like you're measuring the wrong thing, and you're focusing on someone else on their journey, on their what they're doing, and you're not now you're not lifting as hard as you could be because you're so focused on what they're doing. So realize that you have to set goals and set metrics for what you're doing. If you're so focused on other people and not even focusing on maybe what their goals are, what are they doing on a daily basis? What are their inputs, right? Then you can't compare apples to apples. You're comparing apples to oranges, you're comparing two different things, and then all of a sudden, in your own head, you start creating these losses that weren't and aren't there. All of a sudden, you're like, I'm not pushing myself hard enough, I'm not doing X, Y, and Z because this person is or this company is, and in reality, they're on a different path. If it's business, they're they're scaling when you're focusing on your your foundation, right? They're focusing on retention, you're focused on growth. Two different things, two different strategies, two different game boards that you guys are playing on. And so you're comparing them to you, and it's two different, two completely different things, and all of a sudden you're like, wow, they they're doing this, so that they're they're doing better than me. It's like, again, wrong game board. Now you just created a negative thought pattern in your head, and now you're you're thinking about everything else that you're doing wrong. Instead of like, hey, I'm on this game board, I'm executing these things, I'm focused on this. We hit this metric, we hit this milestone, right? And then we keep going. What you don't see while you're comparing, in most cases with business, with fitness, with you know, relationships, whatever the case may be, is you're not fit, you're not putting into your comparison their inputs. What are they doing? You know, what are they using as resources, you know, who are they who they have as mentors, you know. But main thing is what are they actually doing? Because most times, we'll get into the resource thing in a second, but most times they just may be doing more than you. Let's say for workouts, they're doing two a days, you're doing one a day, and you're worried about them beating you in terms of calories burned or or uh heart rate points earned, and it's like do a second fucking workout if that's if that's what you're really focused on. If you're really focused on, hey, they're getting more points because they're doing two workouts a day. Well, guess what? So can you do a second workout? You're focused, they're focused on business and they're you know uh putting out more content, and it's so can fucking you put out more content. It's that easy, but is that your true goal? Is that doing what they're doing, is that gonna align with what their what your outcome is going to be? Because if not, then don't do it. Is that a metric something you should be tracking? Is that something you should be comparing? If not, then don't compare it. You don't need to do what they're doing if it's not gonna align with your goals. Plain and simple. I don't understand what that's why that's so hard for people, but realize that you need to focus on you. The same we always say, you versus you. And it sounds cool, you put it on a shirt and shit, but it's like that's really a lifestyle. Everything needs to be you versus you. While challenges are fun and all that kind of stuff, and even competitive, at the end of the day, did you show up better than you did last time? Did you do better than you did last game? Did you do better than you did yesterday in business? Did you do better this year than last year? It's you versus you. If you improved, that's a win. Maybe you're not at the level you need to be yet, of the version of yourself that you need to be at to beat whoever you're trying to beat. But as long as you beat who you were yesterday, that's all that matters. Maybe they've been doing it for five more years than you've been doing it. Like think about this, and in we'll talk about competing, like you know, like fighting, right? Like UFC or boxing. If someone's been in the game, let's say as long as you know Canelo, right? He's a pro, he's at the top of his prime. Uh and then you have an amateur boxer that it's you know, he's a year into boxing, goes in the ring with Canelo, so obviously he's not gonna win. Canelo's learned other tools, he's learned other skills, he's been in it longer, he's he's you know figured out those things. But at the same time, Canelo's goals are different than your current goals. Your goals are to improve your skills and to get better to become pro. Canelo's goals are to find the next fighter and beat that next fighter, adapt his skills to learn how to beat the next up-and-coming person. You have to focus on your game board. I want to keep rephrasing that and keep saying that because I want this to get drilled into your head. Now, so what do you measure? Right? That's that's the thing I think people get mixed up on too is like, okay, well, then what do I measure? What are they measuring? That's then that's what I should measure. No, it's not. Are they are do are they even going for the same stuff? They're trying to lose weight, you're trying to gain weight, or they're trying to gain weight, you're trying to lose weight. They're trying to expand their business, you're trying to just survive with your business. You're not measuring the same shit, so don't measure what they're measuring. What are your KPIs as we say in business and your key performance indicators? What are the main things that we need to track to make sure that you're going on the path to your goal? Right? For fitness, your body composition. If you're losing weight, awesome. But you also might be losing muscle. So we want to make sure that we're tracking your muscle mass, your body fat uh percentage, and your body fat in pounds, your water retention. Those are the indicators that we're tracking, not just weight. Whereas someone else might just be losing weight. Let's say going back to boxing, they need to lose 10 pounds to get on the scale. Two different game boards, two different approaches at hitting that weight loss as well. I've trained pro fighters before, and weight losses suck. Like getting, you know, cutting weight for a fight, it sucks mentally, painfully, you know, physically, you know, emotionally. But at the same time, those same things happen with you know traditional weight loss for just average health or you know, uh, you know, for the average person going to the gym, but they're two different versions of weight loss. Right? So you couldn't measure the same things as you're going through that process. You have to, if you're trying to figure out what to choose to measure, you have to choose your primary goal first. What is my primary goal? Is my goal to win this elite 11-week challenge? Is my goal to win the five-monthly challenge? Is my goal to open a second location business? Is my goal to um stop fighting with my wife? Is my goal to, you know, whatever your goals are, and I'm not fighting with my wife, by the way. That's you know, just putting it out there, just trying to name other goals. Um, so what is your primary goal? And make sure everything that you do serves that goal. You have to realize that primary uh not primary uh priorities remove the drama. What are your priorities? Your priorities are the things and the tasks that you need to do that align with your goal. So I want you to say say this out loud or say this in your head and have this repeat in your head every time you're starting to compare. Does this align with my goal? Does this align with my goal? Does comparing this align with my goal? Does doing this align with my goal? If it doesn't, then stop it. If it doesn't align with your goal, knock it off. Build your own scoreboard in terms of the KPIs, the the key performance indicators that align with your goal, right? And have a little checklist. Did I do all of these today? Right? If I did, check it off. Cool. Did I get all my checks for today? Boom, that's a win. You have to realize that you can control your inputs, your control kills your comparison. So you have to have the mindset of you versus you for real. It's not a saying you could just say, and then all of a sudden you're going back to this you know negative train of of comparing. Like it is truly you versus you. Does this align with my goal? Does comparing, does you know that action, does A, B, C, D, all the way to Z do these things align with my goal? If not, then don't. Just don't. The U versus U saying, it's not only a mindset, it's not only a phrase, but it is a behavior. It's not just a little slogan. As much as we say it on here, and as much as I say it in my gym, it is a behavior. You do the things that are going to compete with the things that you did yesterday, the things that you did last week, the things you did last month, last year, whatever the case may be. You're trying to get better. Not better as in you're trying to beat someone else, better as in you're trying to be better than you were previously. You're trying to become your 2.0, your 3.0, your 4.0 version of yourself. So that in a year or you know, 11 weeks or a month, you can look back and be like, wow, that's not even the same person. Or other people will be like, wow, I almost don't even recognize you. You know, whether it's physically, uh, from appearance or from you know your mentality, because you've been you know focused on like knowledge, whatever the case may be, it's your identity check, is what the you versus you behavior really is. Your just just you saying that, yeah, I know it's it's it's you versus you is different than your actual actions. Because I I've heard so many times, I know it's you know it's me versus me, and then all of a sudden they list a list of comparisons to other people or other businesses. So I know you're saying it, but everything you just said after the fact negated the fact that you said you know it's you versus you. So do you really know? The other thing is controlling your inputs also ties into another big thing that honestly it frustrates me a lot of times in business when I talk to other business owners, as well as it is in the gym, using your resources. I've told this story before on here, um, but I've you know, when people ask that how did my fitness journey uh start, like I was that 13-year-old annoying kid in the gym. I didn't have a personal trainer, you know, my parents didn't know if I was serious or not and working out, even though I was a martial arts instructor and everything like that. But at home, my dad had VHS tapes of like pro bodybuilders, and I literally watched those videos and I wrote notes down as they, you know, the guys were explaining different exercises and so forth. And then I took my notepad and I went to the gym and I just did it to the best of my ability. Now, while I was at the gym, my resources were the big dudes, the big girls at the gym lifting, right? The bodybuilders at the gym. I would watch what they were doing, and then I would go ask them politely, hey, what is that work? What muscle are you working at? And then, you know, majority of the time, they're nice enough to tell you. And so I would just do their stuff they were doing. I was using that resource I had to me. How many times do you have available resources that you could use, but you choose not to use? For example, in this elite 11-week challenge that we have at Strive 11 that's going on right now, I added 22 free classes to the challenge, right? Normally they're 15 bucks each, right? 22 free classes added to the challenge. You would think that people would want to come to these extra classes, even some of them, to focus on the challenge that they just paid for. And because it's you know, strength conditioning, there's stretching, there's you know, glutes, there's whatever, all these different style challenges there are classes. And I probably have half the people that show up for the classes. It's a free resource to aid in what you're doing with the Strive 11 program. It's a bonus, and you're getting time that only the challenges are allowed to come to some of these classes, that you have a lot more limited, you know, people to trainer ratio, so you get asked more questions. It's more intimate with you know the trainer, you can you know get more advice. But yet, some people just don't use it. Now, I say that to illustrate the point of your inputs are your control, and your choice not to do an input is also a choice. Your choice to do that input is a choice, and whether you use your resources, they would compound and you would have faster results. You choose not to use your resources. Well, guess what? That compounds too. You have two different roads you can choose, but you get to choose. No one can force you to use your resources. Let's say you're going through you know marital issues or you know, relationship issues. I guarantee you could type in on Google free resources for relationship counseling, free resources for um business advice. You know, I'm part of a mastermind, and you know, half the business advice comes from the other business owners. How many times does how many times do other business owners reach out to someone that is doing well and is and is further along the chain of them that just want to ask for help? It's very rare, right? I mean, I just got off the phone the other day with someone and they were going through a season of business, and I told them I could relate, you know, from from past, and we had probably like a 30, 40 minute talk, and it was at the end it was like, man, it's it's just good to hear someone else that has gone through it. I was like, bro, we've all gone through it, and I guarantee I'll go through it again. Like that's what happens, that you're going through a phase of growth. Like you grew, and then all of a sudden you hit a wall, is what you're facing right now, and now you need to figure out what to do to get over that wall. That friction that you're feeling right now is you got too comfortable in thinking that the systems, the processes, the you know, the tools that you were using will always work forever. And they don't. The times change, people change, the business changes. You have to adapt to continue forward. And your pain you're feeling right now is you don't want to adapt. You're like, I've already put so much time into building what it is, I feel like I need to start back over and rebuild. And it's not rebuilding, it's just adjusting, it's just adding to. Same thing for fitness. All of a sudden you lose, let's say, 10-15 pounds, and then you're like, I can't break the, you know, whatever, whatever wall, I can't break that that, you know, get into my you know, 150s, or I can't get in, I can't go sub, you know, 200. And side what worked for you to get to here is not working for you to get further. So you need to adjust the plan. Use your resources first and foremost. If you hire a trainer, you hire a coach for business, use them. Focus on what they say, listen to what they say, and then actually execute the things that they say. The most frustrating thing for a coach or a mentor or anything like that is to give advice and give you the give you the playbook of how to solve your problem, and then watch you not execute, and then come back again and with the same problem, the same frustration, and and and complain to them again. So they give you a different version and you don't execute again. Those choices are compounding into your frustrating, your frustration of you feeling like it doesn't work for you. It does work for you, but you're just not fucking doing it. So you have to realize that you have to execute. It's not a lack of knowledge, it's a lack of action. It's not a lack of knowledge, it's a lack of your action. You are exactly where you are, and that is a compounded result of the past days, past weeks, past months, of all the things you chose to do, and all the things you chose not to do. So if you're unhappy with where you're at right now, or the results you got this week, or the results you got this month, you are also the key to solve your problem through your actions. Don't take action, and you are gonna be again. I promise you're gonna be exactly where you're at right now in another month, in another week. So your frustration, the solution, is you. Your frustration's cause is also you. That's a beautiful thing about fitness and business is at the end of the day, you are the solution to make it better. You have the tools and the resources that you can make it better. Whether you choose to do that or not, your call. What are you gonna do? Think about it. Because where there's a will, there's a reason. Where there's a will, there's time in your calendar, I can fucking promise you that. If you really wanted that bad, and you'd say I don't have time, honestly, that's bullshit. Straight up. If we looked at your calendar, I guarantee we could find 30 minutes or an hour, you know, that if we move things around or if we just made your day more efficient, that you could get things done. First step, go on your phone, see how much you know time you, you know, screen time you've been on your phone. How much time you've been on your apps. Your phone tells you all of it. See how much screen time you've been on today. There's your fucking time that you can go do the things that you need to do. Instead of scrolling, go run. Instead of scrolling, find the answer to your your problem in business. Instead of scrolling, reach out to a mentor. It's it's that simple. You just have to make the right thing easy to do. And what I mean by that is most people don't lack the initial motivation, they trip on the friction. They don't lack the motivation, they trip on the friction. So, for example, you want to make the right thing easy about you know going to the gym. So you pack your bag at night, you set it by the door, put it in your car, and that's your routine. All of a sudden, something comes up, you're like, you know what, I can't go, whatever the case may be. Or you don't pack your bag, right? You're like, I'm I'm gonna go to the gym tomorrow, not gonna pack my bag, you know. I'll just I'll I'll have enough time to come home and then I'll go work out. Well, you've already made the day a little bit harder because now you have to come home. There's already things to do at home, right? So it's like make your day easier, pack the bag, put it in your car, tell a buddy, hey, let's meet at the gym at X time. And now you have an accountability factor to it, and then you book the class or you set the time you guys are gonna show up. Perfect example today. My wife went to go to an early morning, um, I think it's Pilates class with her sister, and her sister wanted to schedule a certain time because there was a certain coach there. Um, and my wife started to you know say, well, I don't know because you know, the you know, with the kids and and so forth. And then she's like, you know what? We'll do it. They booked the class right last night. And now this morning, my wife wakes up and you know gets gets our daughter ready, gets our son ready, and it's out the door earlier than she normally is. You make it easy to stay disciplined. You just book, you just commit, you just set your accountability factor. Not only did she book the class, but she also has her sister waiting for her. What can you do so that you can make your friction easy to stay committed to? Control your inputs, review what you've accomplished in the week. Anytime that you start to compare someone, realize does this align with my goals, what they're doing, what I'm comparing? Am I doing things that that are aligning with my goals? Review it daily, weekly. And as much as I say that, I mean it. Audit yourself, audit your time. Your time is the one thing in this world you don't get back. So don't spend it on things that aren't aligned with the goals that you have, whether it's for family, whether it's for relationships, whether it's for business, fitness, whatever the case may be, audit your time, spend it wisely. It is the most valuable thing that money can't buy. So don't waste it on shit that you don't need to be wasting it on. If it doesn't align with your goals, if it doesn't align with what you want to do, you know, then why? Then why do it at all? It is literally a waste of your time, a waste of your life. So audit what you're doing. And then adjust the next day accordingly. Plan tomorrow. That's how you make your friction easy. That's how you make it easy to stay committed. Plan tomorrow. Just like I tell members and clients and stuff to plan tomorrow's meals. Well, plan your day. Plan your calendar on your phone. Every phone has a calendar. What are you gonna do every hour of the day? Yeah, you can adjust things as needed when it's happening, but set a game plan for the day. I guarantee you'll have a much more productive day if you do that. I hope this episode aligned with maybe something that you've been going through, or if you've been comparing yourself to others and starting to get frustrated because you know you feel like other people are outdoing you, then hopefully you took some stuff away from this, and you know, it can help you recenter on focusing on you, focusing on your goals, focusing on the things that you need to do, and realizing that comparison is the thief of all joy, but also realizing that setting fake comparison goals and and fake things are it's creating fake losses in your head, and now you have negativity where it doesn't need to be and wasn't even until you made it. So if you know someone else that's going through this, or if you know someone else that is literally always complaining to you about you know someone or or something and how they're outdoing them, send this episode to them. But like always, guys, if you need anything, send a DM. I appreciate you guys. I love you all. I'll see you guys on the next one.