253. Miss It Twice and It Becomes You: It Shapes Your Life

If you miss a habit once, it’s a mistake. If you miss it twice, you’re starting a new habit — and most people don’t catch it until it’s too late.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why the second miss is where your identity shifts

The boiling water metaphor: same stress, different outcome

How to stop letting the environment dictate your standards

Why attitude affects everyone around you

The danger of “I can’t catch a break” thinking

How to reassess, reboot, and get better after setbacks

Why consistency beats motivation every time

How to turn dreams into goals with discipline and consistency

This isn’t hype. It’s a practical framework you can run this week to build real consistency—in fitness, business, and life.

Transcript

Goals Over Dreams

SPEAKER_01 0:22

What is up, guys? Welcome to another episode of the Mindset Cafe Podcast. It's your boy Devin Gonzalez. And today I wanted to. I know last week, you know, missed an episode and everything like that. You know, some big changes going on with the business and everything. Um, but I wanted to ultimately kind of talk about that in in terms of just because new things are happening or because lacking a little crazy, not letting it affect what you've created in terms of habits, right? And so I'll start the episode by a quote that I heard Denzel Washington say, and that was dreams without goals are just dreams. And ultimately, they're fueled, they're ultimately they fuel disappointment. Without commitment, you'll never start, but without consistency, you'll never finish. So kind of recapping that real quick, dreams without goals are just dreams, right? We've talked about that before. You're it's the new year. What what dreams have you set out for the year? What new year's resolutions have you set out for this year? Did you accomplish yours last year? Because if not, again, those are just dreams. I mean, you could have endless dreams, that's awesome, but you have to put a goal to it, you have to put a system to it so that you aren't disappointed when it isn't reached. So realize that you have to have commitment to just start it, right? The commitment and the and the motivation and all those things, that's gonna allow you to start something and get up off the couch and take action. But consistency is what allows you to finish, and consistency and dedication is what allows you to push through the days that you don't want to go so that you can stay committed to achieving your goal, right? Dreams are not or dreams are emotional in in that regard, right? They're exciting, you know, they make you feel happy, give you hope, right? Dreams are emotional, but goals are operational, and goals are just dreams broken down into steps, into milestones, right? And then consistency is the bridge essentially between you wanting and you actually achieving or having, right? So the biggest thing I want to kind of talk about that today in the whole kind of con topic of the episode is life happens, right? And you might miss a quote unquote habit, right? Let's say going to the gym, you're trying to lose weight. Going to the gym is a new habit that you've formed. You might miss a day, right? Missing one day, it's a mistake, it happens. That's life. But missing it twice is the start of a new habit, right? One miss is just a slip up, but two misses is the beginning of a pattern if you let it, right? Most people don't fail from one bad day. They start to fail from the story that they tell themselves on day two, on day three. So the real danger isn't in the messing up, it's the normalizing that mess up, right? And and here's the twist of that too, is you know, life's always gonna put pressure on you. Right? You might have a great day where there's it feels like there's no pressure, but I promise you, every high there's a low, and every low there's a high. So you have to think, well, what are the pressures, or what pressures essentially can life throw at me, or what am I throwing at myself? Right? So think of the there's a metaphor, the same boiling water that makes an egg turn hard will make a potato turn soft, right? And what that means is it the same environment, right? But different outcomes. Stress doesn't automatically ruin you, but it can expose what you're made of and what you've trained for, and what actions and what habits that you've been building up, truly, right? Let's say two people get you know criticized um for a task that they completed, right? One gets bitter, defensive, the other one takes it in, they get sharper, they look at and take that feedback, and they get better. It's the same heat, same boiling water, right? But at the same time, it's how you internalize it. So don't blame the heat, essentially, just start to rewire how the heat is received, right? And what part it touches in your brain, right? It's not an emotional thing. It's okay, it's a strategical thing. So don't let the don't let your environment dictate you, right? You have to build your response muscle essentially, right? Because environment life is always gonna be loud, but your standards, your habits, they have to be louder, right? And that doesn't, it's not off of one day of you know doing good. That's off of day after day after day, week after week of you committing to yourself, right? You can't control every circumstance, you but you can control the responses to those circumstances, you can control your routine, you can control what you default to, right? Your routine, your your mental state, right? And so your response is honestly, I think it's powered by your attitude, right? And I mean, we have a shirt here at Strive 11, like attitude is everything. Shout out, Trev. Um, but your attitude is contagious, and others people, other people in your environment, meaning your circle or your workplace or your family, like their attitude is also contagious, right? Your attitude has a giant effect, not on just your life, but on other people's lives around you. But also in turn, other people's attitudes have an effect on your life as well, right? Your mood or is essentially, you know, mood, attitude, similar, but like it's almost like a like a broadcast signal, right? It it essentially creates a I hate using the word vibe, but creates a vibe or creates a sense or a feeling or almost a heaviness in the room if someone has a bad attitude, right? But also if someone has a good attitude, it creates a lightness, it creates a happier feeling in the room, and it allows you to feel that and start to naturally kind of take some of that that mood, right? And so you have to you have to analyze not just yourself, but also the people that you surround yourself with because that is your environment, and so you can control who you hang out with, who you let in your circle, right? I had a conversation with um actually one of my trainers, right? And we were talking about friends, and and they were like, I don't want to put them on blasts. I'm trying to be careful of how I say this. They were talking to me about how one friend believes that, you know, since they were all a friend group at one point, you know, that they'll be a friend group forever. And they're not using pronouns, you know, they, them, or anything like that. It's just the fact that I don't want to put the person on blast. Um, so they they that we were talking, and essentially they're like, well, I just don't feel that just because we were friends at one point, we have to be friends forever. And I a hundred percent agree, right? Your your your goals, your life, your ambitions, they change. And so you start to surround yourself with other people that are like-minded, that have a similar goal, that are on a similar journey. And so it's okay to outgrow your friends. It's not like you're not friends with that person anymore, but you just probably hang out with them less. Right. And if you feel like that person is toxic, or the next point I wanted to talk about was like the I can't catch a break kind of mindset, where you know there's people in life that you know are always the why me people. I can't catch a break. I, you know, um the world is out to get me, blah, blah, blah. You know, and and that's that is a results killer. That mindset is toxic. That is a virus kind of mindset of I can't catch a break. It's like everybody has bad breaks. The difference is what are you gonna do next about it? Right? It when you have that that mindset of I can't catch a break, your your mind blocks anything that could be learning. It puts a wall up of you trying to instill a lesson from what happened, right? When you blame fate, you're you're stopping improving inputs that go into your brain, right? So think in I mean, if you're one of those why why me kind of people that realize that the flip side should be like, okay, well, what am I doing wrong? Is it, you know, am I sleeping? Do I need to improve my sleep? Do I need to improve my steps, my food, my you know, learning, whatever the case is, like instead of why me, it's like, well, okay, well, what can I change? How can I improve? Instead of the why, it becomes how. That's the big one. So instead of asking why, why me, it's how can I? Right. And that transition will allow you to recalibrate essentially your your learning pattern. When things you know happen, it's like you reassess, you reboot, and then you get better, right? I can't get to break is an excuse. But when you take that thing or that event that happened, and you assess it, and then you audit it, it allows you to improve, right? You have to realize that everyone goes through challenges. That's what forges you to become the version that you're seeking to become, right? You have to think of what I can control, what are my next moves, what are my maybe next best moves if possible, right? Don't cry about things that you can't change. Don't cry about something that it happened if the if there's a way for you to improve off of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Right. So here's the harsh truth about that, to be honest.

Attitude Sets The Room

SPEAKER_01 11:10

It's like you surround yourself, you who you surround yourself determines essentially whether you're gonna be a person that is the why me or the person that is gonna take it, reassesses, reboots, and then moves forward, right? Because there are certain people that are essentially fuel and certain people that are extinguishers, right? And think of it in the sense of like if you were a fire, right? You want people that are gonna fuel your fire, not try to extinguish it slowly, right? And that comes from their attitude, that comes from their standards. Same thing with you though, right? Because energy is real, your circle essentially is going to shape your standards. Your circle is gonna shape your identity or the mindset that you have as well. Constant complainers don't just feel bad, they start to train you to interpret life as unfair, and you have to be able to assess it and then execute. Assess, execute, assess, execute, right? Um and so you have to sometimes you have to level up outside of your circle and and grow into a new circle, and that's okay, right? Discipline isn't doing it because you want to do it, it's uh it's almost doing it because you don't want to do it. That's what starts to build your discipline, right? That's the whole point, right? Motivation is inconsistent, but discipline is a system, right? The best people don't have fewer excuses, they just have a stronger discipline, right? Just because you see someone, you're like, oh man, they're just super disciplined. Like they, you know, they want to do this. No, I guarantee they probably don't. They probably don't. Most days, even me owning a gym, owning a fitness franchise, you know, and loving fitness, I don't want to work out every day. I don't. Too much shit going on, two little kids, like it. But at the same time, I know I have to. So I do it. You don't just do the things you do when you feel good or when you feel like doing them, right? You do them when you don't feel good, when you don't want to do them. That's how you train your discipline, essentially skill.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Right? Think about this. If discipline and is is a is a muscle, this is the way I like to think of it, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Think about if you were to run on a treadmill, right? I mean, I hate running on treadmills because it's it's very boring already, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Just running in place. But nonetheless, if you're running on a treadmill and you have headphones in, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:56

You put Netflix on, whatever, whatever your thing is, whatever. Um but you when you're running on the treadmill with music or whatever the case may be, you can get distracted by that thing, which allows you to tune out the suckiness of the treadmill. Now, picture running on the treadmill with no music. How long would you last when it's just you, your breathing, and you in your own mind? You're probably gonna get bored a lot faster. Right? You're probably gonna want to stop a lot sooner because there are no distractions to what you're doing, right? Distractions are performance enhancers sometimes, right? But that silence starts to expose your internal dialogue, and that dialogue is gonna control your output, your work output, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:55

So same thing, let's say for business.

Outgrowing Circles And Toxic Mindsets

From Why Me To How Can I

SPEAKER_01 14:58

You need to complete a project, and you turn off the notifications, no background noise, no busy work, it's just you and the task you're you've been avoiding. Right? You're probably gonna be a lot more focused, but you're probably gonna want to stop a lot sooner or get it done a lot faster because you're you're bored of it. Right? You don't want to do it. There's nothing that's allowing you to get distracted. So I want to turn this into I want to kind of wrap it up with you know, some essentially if you start to miss that second day or or third day or whatever, how do we fix it? How do you save it from becoming a new habit or a mental track that you fall into, right? And that's essentially if I miss one day, I'll note it, I'll note it down, right? But if I miss twice, I need to start to intervene, right? That you need a rule that triggers action before a new habit starts to form, right? This starts to create safety rails essentially for you in your life, right? You miss a workout, fine. You miss two, okay. Next day is non-negotiable. Even if it's 20 minutes, right? Even if it's 10 minutes, keep the chain alive, keep the habit alive by not missing it, right? And if you want consistency, you need goals, not just dreams, right? So I want to lose weight, that's a dream. I want to lose 10 pounds, that's a goal. It has to there has to be an actual number or a hard data point for you to actually track so that you can achieve it. Otherwise, how do you know if you achieve it? I want to be happier. It's like, okay, what does that mean? How do you know if you're happier or not? Right? I want to mean I want to feel more fulfilled. It's like, okay, well, what does that mean? What would make you more fulfilled? What is the hard data point that allows you to know if you achieved your goal or not? That's what you need to make sure that you're inputting, essentially. So I'll wrap up with this essentially a challenge, right? Um, and this week, essentially, I want you to prove yourself that the environment doesn't dictate you, right? Or decide who you are. And I want you to analyze your environment and make any improvements that you need to. So the challenge is essentially uh one of three options. Your option one is consistency, two is gonna be your mental toughness, or three is gonna be your attitude, right? So option one, your consistency. I want you to pick one habit and follow the second miss protocol, right? So don't miss two days. If you do, you need to intervene. Option two is mental toughness, right? Do one workout or you know, work session, right, in in the professional field, but with no distractions. Turn off the music, turn off the notifications, right? Build your mental toughness of discipline, of doing the thing you need to do without allowing other things to distract you from it.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Option three is your attitude, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Find uh one person in your circle that you hang out with, or see if one person in your circle essentially that you hang out with is an extinguisher, right? And change out the time that you would hang out with them or or communicate with them and start reaching out to a person that fuels you, right? A fuel person, right? And so bad break, bad breaks happen, right? And and missed days happen. But the question is, are you going to reassess and level up, or are you going to be that helpless, you know, oh, why me? I can't catch a break, and let it become your personality.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Because remember, dreams are just dreams, or dreams without a goal are just dreams, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Which are ultimately gonna lead to disappointment. Without consistency or without commitment, you'll never start. Without consistency, you'll never finish. So I hope this helped you guys, and I hope you guys get to reassess and reanalyze what you're doing and realize that it is only the beginning of uh January, right? So it's not too late to if you've already had a mess up or you started the year strong on a on a certain goal and you fell off. It's like, okay, well, get back on. Put this in place and allow yourself to actually hit your goal for this year. I appreciate you guys. I love y'all. I'll see you guys on the next one.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Only positive thoughts. This in the game of life, my set calls shots. Got my mind on my pause. I can't be distracted. I stay on my find, no time to dislefted. I hustle hard, I'll go against the current. Cause I know my mind is rich to be collected.