Hey Everyone! How are you all doing? I hope this podcast epi finds you in good spirits, content, happy, determined, victorious- All the things. Most of all, I hope today’s message finds you in alignment with the plan God has for your life, or at the very least, the path to discovery.
If you’ve been listening recently, you know that I have been talking a lot about challenges- ranging from the challenge of feeling your feelings, which more of us struggle with than we care to admit, or the challenge of never giving up. Maybe we forget or maybe some of us don’t realize that even when you have a dream, something that you desire and want with all of your heart, it can still be very challenging to get up day after day and chase it no matter what. The tenacity that takes is crazy. Or maybe you’re facing burnout. And your challenge is that you have no desire to keep getting up day after day to do something you really just don’t want to do, or your mind and body are telling you that you shouldn’t do, but you struggle with how to pivot. We can face so many challenges each and every day- we can lose ourselves in them. And sometimes we allow the challenges to defeat us because we don’t know where to find the energy or the strength to keep going.
One thing that we can be most certain of is that challenge is going to come. And while we may anticipate its arrival, our reaction to what’s to come is still unknown.
But we don’t need to find ourselves fully unprepared if we commit to doing some prep work ahead of time. Because a challenge isn’t always bad, right? Maybe you are facing the challenge of a big presentation, or an audition. Or your biggest contract yet, or even a challenging workout class. You may find yourself intimidated by the opportunity, scared you won’t rise to the occasion. And therefore you are faced with the challenge to overcome these feelings so that you can show up for yourself and achieve your goal.
Now sometimes you can do all the things to plan and prepare- anticipating every scenario that you can think of only to find a curveball awaits your arrival. And when you see that curveball coming toward you, you may find your reflexes to be a hair too slow and that curveball hits you right in the chest, not only knocking the air out of you, but knocking you down to the ground. And it can be so unexpected that you aren’t even quite sure how you got there. And definitely unsure of how you’re gonna get up.
Have you experienced any times like this in your life? When you weren’t sure how you got somewhere, or how in the world you would ever recover? Unsure how you could turn the situation around- maybe take another path that was safer and would help get you to your destination in a way that was a bit less eventful? Or maybe you found yourself crouching in a deep, dark corner, and still find yourself there. Hiding, waiting, watching life pass you by- too scared to try, or try again.
Today, my message to you is simple. No matter what, Resilience is Required. Resilience is defined as the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. One thing I have learned is that there is no easy road, well, let me refine that. There is no easy road worth traveling. If you don’t have to pray for it, work for it, take risks for it, sacrifice some comforts for it, have some sleepless nights over it, compromise for it, is it your path? The victory is knowing that you were able to overcome, persevere, make it through, in spite of right? It’s the journey vs. the goal. That how can you know what happy is without sadness theory?
Remember Super Mario Brothers back in the day? I’m sure there is someone out there that may have beaten every level on the first try, but for regular folk like myself, how many times did you play a level over and over and over again before you won and were able to move on to the next? And that feeling when you beat the level was great. Almost more satisfying than when you beat the game right because what was left to look forward to at that point? At that point it was legit done.
How could you challenge yourself to see what new stronger, more strategically cunning version of Mario you might become next? Getting back in the game every time you lost on a level was your conditioning- your strength training and it applies to all areas of our lives. And to take it a step further, in the game, not only were we facing challenges, we were playing characters in the game who were facing great challenges and great danger. By saving ourselves we saved them, and so goes it in life. Our resilience, our ability to pull ourselves up impacts others. Not only are we demonstrating what can be done, but also if you pull yourself up (or really every time you get pulled up), you have the ability to extend your hand to someone else and so you hold each other up. Everytime Mario, or Luigi came back for another level, they got stronger and by the end they knew how to maneuver so they could use their hands to grab the princess.
Now to tie it back to last week’s episode, beating Burnout and Building resilience go hand and hand. If you’ve built your resilience, you are building your ability to power through in a healthy way and overcome the tremendous stress mountains that may be building in your life. Notice I said power through healthily ok. Because you are strong and resilient does not mean to keep going and powering through when you should not. Know your body. Know your limits. Know that by respectfully bowing you’re not quitting, but choosing to walk your purposed path instead.
Let’s look at a few qualities of resilient people according to this Cornell Health Article.They’re talking to students, but it applies to all of us. Find the link in the show notes.. Anyway, according to the article Resilient people:
- take action to deal with challenges, problems, and setbacks
- seek support and assistance when they need it
- know when to stop, rest, and replenish inner resources
- have a sense of purpose and goals for the future
These points aren’t new, but I do think that the mindset associated with each of them can be in some capacity. For instance, I don’t know about you, but I never thought of resilient people as asking for help, but the vulnerable act of asking for help is part of the bounce back. It’s all in the way we frame things, isn’t it?
So how can we build our resilience?
Number 1 (For me anyway) is to Focus on Hope. A Forbes Health Article I just read shared the advice of Dr. Sarah Porter, a psychologist in Texas who recommends creating a hope map. I love that so much. Even just saying hope map, gives me a little boost. It suggests a path forward right? I’m pretending that y’all are shaking your heads along with me in agreement right now. Anyway, In the article, Porter says “ “Without hope, you cannot bounce back, let alone bounce forward because you cannot imagine a future that is brighter than today nor feel like you have the ability to shape things for the better.”
This article was a great, quick read that I suggest you check out, but, Porter gives the following steps for creating a hope map, which she basically describes as more detailed goal setting:
- Write down what you want your future to look like
- List a few actions you can take to move closer to your goal
- Then, write down the strengths and skills you need to draw up from within, along with friends and family who would offer support.
The article mentions several other suggestions as well, including nurturing relationships. How much research do we need before the myth that we don’t need anyone else and we can do everything on our own is dispelled people?
As a strong believer in the power of the village, I will never tire of pointing out the importance of community- in all of its beauty and messiness, we get to see ourselves, reflected, protected, and provided for if we allow ourselves to be. And if we reciprocate it. There is no perfect community. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t build and contribute to the community. And given that there is a loneliness epidemic in the US, it seems there is a need for me to continue to highlight the importance of community. Don’t know where to start? If you need a little guidance, feel free to hit me up, I’m happy to share some resources.
Do you believe that you are resilient? Do you feel hopeful? Are there nurturing relationships in your life that feed you? People that you can rely on? What about wellness practices that keep you balanced? Do y’all see how everything is intertwined? The same core things come up over and over no matter the scenario because they matter most of all. So take heed.
Today I’ll leave you with a quote from J.K. Rowling: "Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life."
Y’all- you can’t build a foundation from rock bottom if you aren’t resilient. And you’ll find it challenging to build resilience without hope and love. The challenge is not what we should fear facing, but we should fear facing the challenge without fundamental tools.
Thanks so much for listening today. If what you’ve been hearing has been beneficial, don’t forget to share, review, follow the pod, and continue the conversation on IG, maybe by subscribing to and commenting on the blog, and of course, reaching out to me directly via email at timetodefineyourlife@gmail.com. I can’t wait to chat with you all again next week. Take care until then.
