Know How To No

Hey Everyone! This week marks the two-year anniversary of the pod! If you have been around since the beginning, thank you for being a long-time listener! If you are new here, welcome.

Now that the busy, end-of-year season is upon us, along with the "winter arc" let's chat about some of the ways saying no (to ourselves) can help us get where we are trying to go!

Takeaways

• Celebrating two years of podcasting is a significant milestone.
• The Winter Arc helps jumpstart New Year goals in the last quarter.
• Saying no is essential for personal growth and focus.
• FOMO can hinder progress; it's okay to miss out sometimes.
• A confident no should lead to positive outcomes.
• Understanding the difference between deprivation and motivation is key.
• Saying no can be uncomfortable but is often necessary.
• Successful people often deny themselves to achieve their goals.

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Transcript

Hey Everyone! Thanks for joining me on the pod today. I hope that your week is going well and that you are enjoying fall and at this point revving up for the holiday season. Y’all, this week is actually the two year anniversary of the pod. I am in disbelief, but I am thankful that for two years, I have been able to hop on here and share my thoughts with you and hopefully contribute positively to your life somehow. So for those of you who have been with me since the beginning, thank you so much for showing up and joining me every week. And for those of you who have just gotten here- welcome! And thank you so much for joining. I’m grateful for each one of you. 

And in honor of the podaversary, I would love it if you would celebrate with me by leaving a review, and preferably a 5 star rating. I would also love it if you would hit me up on the socials or via email and share your thoughts and feedback about the pod, or just hit me up to chat. And I would really love it if you would share the pod with someone new. We talk a lot about growth and development in this space and as I enter my third year on this platform, I literally would like to continue growing and developing defining your life into whatever it is that God would have it to be. So, feel free to help us grow by sharing. 

Now speaking of growth, the socials have introduced me to this concept of the winter arc, which is well underway for many of you at this point given that it started around October 1 I believe- do correct me if I’m wrong, but if you were late to the concept party like me, let me explain. 

So the winter arc is essentially like a jumpstart on the new year. So for the last quarter of the year, you hunker down on your goals, so when everyone is trying to get it together in January, you’ve already started and have made some stride. But here’s the kicker y’all- you probably know by now how I feel about goals and resolutions and habits- and that is you can start them at ANY time. If it's 5 o'clock on Thursday and you are ready to commit- do it. Trends and things are great to help us get going and I love a cute concept or theme. But remember that any day is a great day to start!

Now with that being said, let’s talk a bit about something in particular that will be clutch whether you started back in October at the beginning of winter arc season, or you plan to start in January, or even 5 minutes from now. And that something in particular my friends is knowing how to say no. You have to know how to say it. Not only to others, today I’m talking about saying no to yourself. Especially in the final few weeks of the year here when there is so much going on- so many events, so many things to get done and wrap up, literally and figuratively- this is a great time to practice your no. 

Because the thing about no is it’s tricky. For some of us, it’s hard to say no period. But it’s not as hard when it’s something we don’t really wanna do anyway, right? And for some of y’all it’s actually quite easy- I can say that saying no is most certainly getting easier for me by the year- you know they say you lose your filter and all that as you get older- I haven’t gotten there yet, but I do use my no a little more in general and I definitely feel a bit more in control of it, especially when it comes to myself. I’m still working on getting the balance together of when and why I’m saying no, but it’s getting there. 

What’s most challenging is saying no to the things we need to say no to even though we don’t want to. Because we really wanna do the things and eat and drink the things and buy the things and just ALL the things! That is hard. But some things you just have to sit out. I know yall don’t wanna hear it. I don’t wanna hear it either, ok. Because FOMO is real. But you can’t do it all, especially when you have a goal that you are working towards. Some deals you just have to pass up. Some opportunities you just don’t have the bandwidth for right now and sometimes you just have to choose one thing. 

And so the winter arc is the perfect time to work on building the habit of no- The habit of no is about sharpening a tool in your kit to help you do other things you want to do well- like work on your relationship, your health, your business. Because you probably need to say no to some things in order to get to the yes’s and the improvements in these areas right? What is it that you must say no to now, in order to get to the yes that you are looking for? What is your no allowing you to make space for?  

Now your no should be strategic. We’re not just throwing no around out here arbitrarily because we feel empowered to right? Your confident no should be leading you to a useful result. Is it leading to discipline- are you gaining time to work on the key goals you set for yourself back at the top of the year, but haven’t made too many strides on? Are you trying to get your coins together? Are you practicing that no for your Amazon cart or for that bottomless brunch so that you can build your investment portfolio or your vacation savings?  

In the same way you have to know your why, you need to know your no and what it means for you when you say it. Is your no deprivation or is it motivation? 

Navigating no can be very hard, but it helps to have a quick assessment checklist to determine if you are actually making space for something and why you’re doing it.

 So for this season, as you are looking to sharpen the tool of no and build habits, and meet goals, consider asking yourself the following when no is on the table:

1-Is this a no that I can trust?

Meaning- If I tell myself no, is it bringing immediate value, or contributing to the thing I’m trying to achieve right now? Which could be skipping the extra drink so that you aren’t hungover in the morning, or simply not eating out every night of the weekend, so you can buy something nice with the money you saved by eating in. 

If you understand how that no will contribute positively to what you’re trying to achieve, then that’s a no that you can trust and that you should follow through on. 

Or, if you can identify the long-term value and you are ready to commit to sticking with maintaining your state of no a bit longer- whether for a spending freeze or a modified meal plan- because you know those results will compound over time that’s also a no that you can trust.

2- Is the no worth it?

Meaning what am I really sacrificing here? Because there’s FOMO and then there’s just MO, which of course is more impactful, right? Like everyone’s going to be at a party and you’re afraid to miss out and hear all the inside jokes and stories later that you weren’t a part of. And for whatever reason, doesn’t it always feel like there were more laughs, more jokes, more everything when you weren’t there?  That’s just the FOMO. We don’t wanna hear everyone talking about the thing we didn’t get to go to. Doesn’t feel great, but there will probably be other opportunities. 

Unlike MO, right actually missing out. And that could be you missing out on some rare and precious moments with your  loved one because you didn’t prioritize going out of your way a little bit to visit. That could truly be a MO moment because that time is precious and limited and you never know when it’ll be up. So is it worth it to you to miss out on it? 

3- Ask yourself: How does this no or the lack of no make me feel? Everything isn’t going to make you feel warm and fuzzy. Saying no to what we want rarely ever does. You may be proud of yourself for staying committed, but it doesn't mean you’ll feel amazing in the moment, you just know that saying is going to help you put together the pieces of what you are working on, getting you there that much sooner and that much easier. But it doesn’t always feel good.

So how do you feel- do you feel anxious, or scared, mentally zapped- or do you feel strong, powerful, unshakeable with this no? We don’t wanna be out here folding like laundry when something comes up that should be a no. But we also don’t want to find ourselves in positions that make us feel uncomfortable because we didn’t say no when we knew that we should have. 

So these are just a few things to think about as we sharpen the simple tool of no. It’s not always about saying no to other people. It’s also about learning how to say no to ourselves so that we are able to get stronger, build habits, and healthy resistance to the things we know very well may be holding us hostage and keeping us from growing. We need to learn how to say no to ourselves sometimes so that we can say yes to the futures that we are working so diligently toward.

And so I’ll leave you with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt today: "You must do the things you think you cannot do." 

And I’ll add to that- you may think that you cannot or should not say no to yourself, but ask a successful person how many times they may have denied themselves.

Thanks so much for listening today. If what you have been hearing has been beneficial, don’t forget to share, rate, review, subscribe, and share the pod. I can’t wait to chat with you all again next week. Take care until then.