EP 356: The Awkward Middle Of Going Gray

That first silver strand can hit like a plot twist. You catch it in the mirror and suddenly you’re doing math in your head: keep coloring, stop cold turkey, or try to fade into gray without looking like you gave up halfway? We talk through the truth most people miss: going gray isn’t a moment, it’s a process, and the toughest part is the unfinished middle where roots and old color fight each other. 

If you’re navigating this change and want support, listen through, subscribe for what’s next, and share this with a friend who’s thinking about going gray. What stage are you in right now?

Hair doesn’t always behave the same as we get older. The Good Hair Energy Box helps simplify your routine with stylist-approved haircare, helpful tools, and encouragement. Learn more at goodhairenergy.com. 

Good Hair Day Emergency Kit
 5-minute fixes for frizz, flat hair, greasy roots + fly-aways…FREE

__________

Some days you feel on top of the world…
 and some days your hair says, “not today.” 😅

That’s why I made the Good Hair Energy Box.
It’s a monthly subscription designed to help you feel more confident with less effort—because when your hair feels good, everything feels easier.

Each box includes 3–5 curated items that support your hair routine + your mindset.
It’s self-care you’ll actually use… not just more stuff in a drawer.

 www.goodhairenergy.com

________________________________

Make sure to subscribe to our YouTube Channel as well!

Visit my Amazon Store for all my favorite products!

Instagram:  danisekeilitz

Shop my favorite Eufora Products.

Transcript

First Silver Strands And Mindset

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed those first few silver strands and thought, is this the beginning or just a phase? Because here's the truth. Going gray isn't a moment, it's a process. And how you choose to handle it, that can completely change how you feel about yourself. So today, I'm walking you through the real stages of going gray, your options, and how to do this in a way that actually feels empowering, not overwhelming. So for most women, gray doesn't show up overnight, right? It starts quietly. A few strands here, a few strands there, and then that line of color starts. You know what I'm talking about. Your natural hair begins. That's when the spiral starts. And you start thinking, do I keep coloring it? Do I stop? Am I gonna look older if I go gray? Will I still feel like me? Let me just say, there is no rule book for this. There is a smarter way to approach it, though. The hardest part of going gray isn't going gray. It is that awkward in-between, don't you agree? It's that when nothing feels finished and you look patchy and uneven, and you know it. You're either going through it yourself or you've seen people go through it where it's grown out and it's just like old color on the ends. It's frustrating. It's enough to give up and just go, oh, what the heck? I'll just color it again. Right? But here's what people don't realize: it can take six months to a year, depending on how long your hair is, to grow it out. That's a long time if you don't have a plan. So let's talk about your options because there's lots of things you can do, and this is where everything changes because it's totally up to you. There's no right way to go gray, it's just what works best for you. First of all, you can blend it. One of my favorite ways of transitioning. Instead of fighting the gray, we just blend it. We put low lights and highlights, and you just transition it so you so that line doesn't become a direct line, it becomes a very blended type of line. It just softens everything, but it does feel intentional. This is perfect if you kind of want a graceful, intentional transition. Your option number two, you can remove the old color. Yeah, yeah. Uh, the option is to remove the artificial dye. Most people don't know this. This opens the cuticle and you use a color remover. Now, if you're a stylist and you don't know how to use a color remover, make sure you're reading all the directions because it can be a process, it can be a kind of a scary process. And if you're not careful, you could force that color back into the hair shaft. Yeah, it's a whole thing. So, um, but it works best if you haven't heavily bleached your hair. Yeah. So this is where you have to do this in a salon. And what they do is they put a color remover on the hair color that you've already have. And what that does is it takes the color molecule out of your hair. So here, you know me, I'm gonna explain this, right? Here's your hair shaft, here's the cuticle, right? The little fish scales they're holding, they're open. You have color molecules that are deposited inside those fish scales, right? And then it closes back up and it does go into the hair shaft, into the cortex of the hair. Now, what a color remover will do, it'll go in there and it'll just attach itself to the color molecules and pull those out of your hair. What you're left with is that underlying pigment. So don't be afraid of this. The underlying pigment will look either really yellow orange or orange or clown hair. So then you will have to go back in and soften that effect up, whether that is uh lightening it, whether it's putting in low lights and highlights, whether it is, it just depends on what your color pigment that you're taking out of your hair. So, say you were going really, really dark, like you had a dark brown on your hair, then yeah, this will be a very orange color that you're going to be ending up with. And you will probably want to soften that effect either with demi-permanent color, a lighter brown color, low lights and highlights with a uh toner on top. Leave it up to your stylist to decide what you're doing. Take in inspiration pictures, things like that. But you can take out artificial hair color pigment. Just know that that's an option. But you don't stop there. You don't just take the pigment out and think you, oh great, it's gonna show my gray hair. No, it's gonna be orange or some shade of orange. So just be ready for that. It's kind of scary. All right, this one surprises people. I know. You can dye it all gray. Yeah, that is an option. It this surprises people because they didn't know they can dye your hair gray. You might have seen it on social media, you might have seen it on Instagram. There are people out there that specialize in this. And if you're gonna go this route, make sure you get a stylist who knows how to do this, okay? Uh, it really does speed up the process and it does help with the awkward stage of growing out your hair. But you're still gonna need maintenance to keep it looking polished. You're gonna need toners about every four to six weeks. And how this works is your stylus will go in there. You definitely want at least two inches of regrowth, but your stylist will go in there and they'll pick out your your silver, your dark grays, and they will actually uh where your silver or your white hairs are, it will put highlights and where your dark grays are, they'll put low lights. It's not as simple as that, but that's the general idea. But you will need to go in uh about every four weeks for a toner. And don't think that this is the save all, it's expensive to do it this way because it takes about five to eight hours and it takes an experienced hairstylist. So just keep that in mind. But it is, you can do it if you just don't want to go through the hassle of growing it out, that awkward phase. There is that natural option, you can just let it grow. If that doesn't concern you, if you're you're like, hey, I'm good with this. I've seen people online that they they map their whole journey out, you know, one month, two months, five months. And uh depending on the length of your hair, like if I was to go to gray and I kept my hair at this length, you know, it would take probably a year to get there. Okay, because it's about, if not longer, it might take longer because hair grows about half an inch a month. So keep that in consideration. If you go this route, here's some things you might want to consider. You might want to go with a shorter haircut, that'll get you through this timeline so much faster. You don't have to, but you may want to. You definitely want regular trims. You want to go in there about every four to six weeks, trim up another half an inch, and definitely, I don't care what anybody tries, if you're going this route, do not let anybody convince you to put permanent hair color back on your hair because you're gonna reset the whole process. You do not want permanent hair color. Now, if you do want to blend this area with this area, and you just can't stand that, you can opt for a temporary hair color or a semi-permanent hair color to soften that line while it grows out, but do not put anything permanent, no bleach, nothing on this grow out, or you'll just ruin your progress, okay? Before you start anything, big, big, big thing is to let your roots grow at loose two inches. So that's about four months of growth without touching it. What this does, it gives you an idea of what you're going to look like with your gray. It gives your stylist an idea of what the pattern of the gray is in your hair because most people don't realize it. They see the gray around their face, but most of the time we're not even gray in the back. I don't know, it should be the opposite, but this one step of just letting your hair grow for a couple of inches can change everything because it really will give you an idea of just how much gray hair you actually have in there. So here's something that people don't expect. Gray hair is different. You know, you wake up and it's wiry, it's sticking out all over the place, it feels coarse, and yes, it can turn yellow over time. Gray hair doesn't just stay gray hair. So let's talk about how your routine needs to shift. Think purple shampoo at least once a week. Maybe every third shampoo just depends on your hair. You definitely want to deep condition with some kind of hair mask at least once a week because gray hair is just so thirsty. It just is screaming. I need a drink. So deep conditioning mask. You might even want to change your daily conditioner to a richer formula instead of just a you know, a rinse. Uh, you and you also want to do glosses or toners just to keep it bright and shiny. You can do a clear gloss, a clear toner. It does not have to have color in it, it's just like a top coat for your fingernails. So that just keeps the shine in your hair. And styling products, yeah, they become your best friend. You need something that's going to control the coarse wiriness, create shine, maybe a really light styling glaze, something that will give your hair movement and texture. Okay, not a lot of hairspray. And honestly, this is why I created the good hair energy box. I know it sounds like a plug, it is, but when your hair starts changing, you have to start thinking differently about your hair. And you don't need any more confusion. There's so much confusion out there, so many people. You need guidance, and that's where I come in. Okay. Every month we deal with a different hair problem, and I come up with a solution for you. Like last month, we we were talking about hair thinning or shedding and all the products related to that. This coming month, we are going to be talking about frizz. And because it's getting to be springtime, I think this week is uh first day of spring. With that comes humidity, and everybody's hair just goes bonkers with the humidity. So this coming box is about frizz. So each month I tackle a different problem and give you the solution for your hair. And this really is focused on women over 40, 50. Your hair is changing. Everything, everything is changing. So I can only do so much. The hair is where we're going to focus on. Because when you understand your hair, everything becomes easier. I would love to know. Are you thinking about going gray or are you already in the process? Tell me in the comments. I read every single one. Here's what I want you to take away from this. Going gray isn't about giving up. It's about choosing what feels right for you. You can blend it, transition it, speed it up, or fully embrace it. But do it with intention because when your hair feels right, you show up differently. You feel more confident, more aligned, more you. If you're navigating this and you want a little extra support, click the link to download my free hair emergency kit. And if this helped you, make sure you subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. Because remember, when you know better, you do better.