Episode 425: Monday Mindset: The Two Words That Will Save Your Energy This Year

That moment when you open a brutal parent email before sunrise, or realise your admin still doesn’t see how hard you’re working, can hijack your whole day. We’re sharing a simple mindset that cuts through the noise: “Let them.” Two words, but they can change how you carry the job.

We talk through the “Let Them” theory (popularised by Mel Robbins) and why so much teacher burnout comes from the mental, emotional, and energetic load of fighting what we can’t control.

If you want a practical teacher mindset for classroom management, boundaries, and educator wellness, press play. Then subscribe, share this with a teacher who needs it, and leave a review so more educators can find the message.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Two Words

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Well, hello teachers, and welcome back to another Monday Mindset. I'm sorry, this is airing a little bit later than usual, but we still made it happen. And I wanted to share two words with you on today's podcast. And some of you have probably heard it before, but it is the concept of let them. So the let them theory by Mel Robins. She has a whole book about it. And, you know, as I've gone through rather tumultuous two years of my life, from getting divorced to being seriously injured and having a life-changing surgery that has, you know, completely transformed the way that I experience life and the world and just everything. And I'm so grateful for it and obviously I never want to go through it again. But this concept of let them has been so was so hugely helpful for me as I've gone through moments where I'm just been baffled by certain situations and there's nothing I can do about it, right? And so it's just like, what I just gotta let, I just gotta let them be who they are. I gotta let them do what they they want to do. And I think that this

The Let Them Theory Explained

SPEAKER_00 1:06

applies so much to teaching because one of the things that I see drain the joy and energy out of really, really good teachers. It is the impossible attempt to try to control or change other people or circumstances, quite frankly. And you know, some examples of this would be like if your admin doesn't see how hard you're working, okay, let them. Who cares? Right. I know like we that's like so much easier said than done. Like we deeply care, right? We want to be validated. And but like, where does that come from? From your ego self, right? And to get like philosophical on you, or the colleague down the hall who complains constantly and drags the whole energies department down with them. Well, let them. The parent who sends the email who is assaulting you with their words at midnight, and you see the email first thing when you wake up at 5:30 in the morning and you're like, oh great, another one. It's like let them. Or the students who just don't want to be there. This one's the hard one. And it's like, on some level, we have to let them so that we can source our own energy and protect our own energy to have an impact on people. And let me explain this. I think this comes from from my own lived experience too, and who I am, and maybe you guys can relate to this is I want people to be the best version of themselves, like always. And so when they aren't, I get super frustrated, right? Like I can't understand why somebody would act that way. And a lot of it comes back to, well, I would never do that. So how come someone else is doing that? And what I've come to learn, which is crazy that I can't believe that I didn't have this realization at any other earlier point in my life, and and maybe this will serve you, but it's like just because I would act and operate and think in a certain way, does not mean that everybody else acts and thinks and operates in the same way at all. Right? People have totally different lived experiences and perspectives on things. And we have to let people be who they are instead of trying to change them. We're not gonna change them by working harder to try to make them appreciate us more. We're not gonna change them by trying to say the perfect thing in response to that parent email or complaining. We're not gonna change that parent by complaining about it to another teacher. Just let it go. Like let it roll off your, like just let them, let them be who they are. And our students too, right? Like, at least for me, in my own experience, like if someone tells me to do something, you bet your butt I'm gonna do the opposite of what they said, simply because I'm a contrarian thinker. And that's just how I exist in the world. Love it or hate it, that's just who I am. And I'm aware at least of this way of being that I have. But I think for our students, it's like when we try so much harder than they're trying to pull their greatness out of them, there's a point at which they become

Teaching Triggers That Steal Energy

SPEAKER_00 4:32

energy takers or energy vampires. And we are no longer operating from a place of our highest selves. And I think what we can do in those types of situations is yes, we can we can let that student be who they are. And I think that this is where it's interesting, right? And like a whole conversation can be had around this. But it's like let that student be who they are and invite them to experience and unearth their greatness through being a lighthouse yourself or inviting them to show up in a different way in your classroom. It's not the like, come on, I know you like, yeah, sometimes that works, maybe in coaching, I know you can do this, like I want you to do this, right? But think about that. When we as adults think about, think about how we come to experience our greatest potential. Is it when someone has like a chokehold on us and is trying to control every single thing that we do? No. It's when we're invited through self-awareness and reflection and belief, right? That's when we step up and go, oh, maybe I can actually do this. Maybe there is belief in myself. So when I say that about our students, to like let them, like, yes, let them be who they are, because that's who they are. And our goal, our job as teachers, is to not allow their behavior to impact us in such a negative way that it then impacts the way in which we interact with that child. And like the same goes for everybody that we experience in life, is it's like I can't control what someone else, you cannot control what other people think, feel, believe, how they act, the decisions that they make. Even our kids, we can barely do that. I can barely do that with my nine-year-old. You know, it's like a constant negotiation. And I just think there's something beautiful in viewing this as not being passive, but in choosing to direct our energy into a different way in how we choose to show up with other people in the world, right? We're not lowering our standards, we're not giving up, we're not not caring about people. I think it's just this awareness that who other people are and what other people choose to do and how they choose to show up and what they choose to put out into the world, that is a reflection of them. And so how someone's interacting with you typically is a reflection of them. It's not a reflection of you. So when you get that mean email from the parent, and I have a very specific parent in mind that I'm thinking of, but I got a lovely email at midnight that woke up two first thing in the morning. When that parent sends you that email, it actually has nothing to do with you. So, like, why are we attaching frustration and anger and like giving our power and our energy away to something that has absolutely nothing to do with us, quite frankly. And when we can do that, when we can just let people be who they are, just let them. And when we stop making their choices, their words, their behavior, their beliefs, their perspective, their choices, when we stop making all of that mean something about our worth or how good of a teacher we are, something in you starts to really shift.

Motivating Students Without Control

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Because here's what I've seen happen over and over again, especially with the teachers who come into our EP teacher community and become a part of our membership and who become a part of our world, they come in exhausted and burnt out. And just looking, like raising the white flag, just like looking for something to please change my life because I can't do this anymore. And I think so much of that exhaustion, and I know from the experience that I've seen from teachers, so much of that exhaustion is not coming from the actual work of teaching. I'm sure you would agree with that. It's coming from the mental and emotional and energetic load of fighting against things that they cannot control. Trying to get admin to finally acknowledge them, trying to get that one difficult parent to finally get off their back, trying to like will by the sheer force of their being to get a student to care. Or constantly fighting against the system of a mandated curriculum and all of that fighting, all of that resistance, what is that doing? You are giving your energy to something that is not changeable. It's costing you your energy that you desperately need for things that you actually can change, the things that are actually yours to shape. And in fact, I'll share a personal story with you. Something just recently happened that I don't uh feel at liberty to share. And I called my mom and I told my mom about it, and she started to get worked up for me. And I felt myself start to get worked up too. And I was like, you know what? I gotta stop, mom. I was like, I cannot give my energy to this circumstance or this person. I said, I have to let them just be who they are. Like I'm a laughing Buddha. I'm not gonna give any of my energy away to this other human being or to this particular circumstance. And so instead of sitting there and just like spinning and being angry and frustrated, all things that I can be, because really underneath that is disappointment. Right? Is disappointment that, oh, that's who you really are. But like who, and then I also think, well, like who am I to judge? And so then I move to a place of compassion. And it's like just because I can have compassion does not make it okay for me to necessarily be treated in such a way,

Boundaries Compassion And Self-Respect

SPEAKER_00 11:18

right? So there's obviously boundaries and like there's nuance to all of this. But I think if you can look at when people make certain choices, say certain things, do certain behaviors, whatever it might be, like typically that's coming from a place that is like deeply rooted in who they are. And it might be something from their childhood, their trauma, their wounds, whatever it might be. And I look at them and I go, man, it must be really hard to be like that. Cause I know what I deal with. I know my own crap that I'm you know trying to work on and be a better version of myself. And so it's like we just gotta let people be who they are and stop giving our energy to it. Because that is very much available to you. And the thing is with teaching, is that nine times out of ten, you probably became a teacher because you care a lot. That is one of your greatest strengths as a teacher, is how much you care. But at that same time, that same caring, when it becomes like this vice grip of trying to change people and things that you actually can't control, it becomes something that can start to eat you alive. So your job is like to protect that caring, right? That's what's so beautiful about you. But protect it in a way that directs it towards places that you can actually do something. And that is by caring about yourself and caring about your energy and coming back to you and to the things that you need, and to how you can be a better person, and how you can be the highest version of yourself, and how you can be self-reflective, and how you can choose to experience the world in a way that brings you peace, that brings you joy, that removes the unnecessary suffering. Because I can guarantee you, if you if you look back and you think about all of the moments where we've given our energy to someone or something that really it we didn't it didn't need to happen. We we don't need to react in that way. We don't need to be reactive like that. You might think, yeah, I probably could have spent my energy elsewhere. I probably could have spent all that time and mental and emotional and energetic load on something else, as opposed to directing it towards something I can't control, which is other people. And so I love the theory. Just just let just let people be. Let them be. Let them be who they are, and then you get to be who you are, right? And you get to focus on how you choose to experience the world around you. So here's to a week of letting them and choosing yourself instead.

Choose Yourself And Weekly Challenge

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Because that's what it's about. Really, at the end of the day, is choosing yourself because once you do that and you direct that energy toward being the highest version of you, the way you experience the world completely changes. And it's a peaceful, joyful, beautiful place to live. So working every day, every moment of every day to get there. All right, you guys, I will see you tomorrow on the podcast. Talk about writing and back here next Monday. If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone else. I would love to get this message into the hands of more teachers. All right, you guys, I will talk to you soon. Bye, everyone.