Rising Strong From Domestic Violence

What if hope felt practical? We open with big news—a future celebrity co‑host, a magazine cover, and a wave of new faces in our academy—then pull the curtain back on why we do this: to help survivors leave, safely and on their terms. No scripts, no posturing, just real talk that trades judgment for strategy and turns fear into a plan.

We walk through the hidden mechanics of control—surprise drop‑ins at work, receipt demands, caller ID checks—and explain why “just leave” ignores the most dangerous moment a survivor faces. From living through abuse while pregnant to using martial arts for de‑escalation, we anchor every point in lived experience. Then we map a safety plan you can actually use: create unrelated email accounts and recovery emails, upload injury photos to a dummy profile, rent a safe deposit box at a bank you don’t use, and build a small cash buffer through quiet cash‑back withdrawals. We share how to back into the driveway to cut exit time, hide a charged throwaway phone, and store documentation off‑site so evidence survives even when a phone or camera doesn’t.

Along the way, we talk about community and confidentiality inside our academy, why some members choose anonymity, and how simple presence beats unsolicited advice—offer a meal, a room, a ride, or quiet company. We also push back on the cultural noise: stop blaming survivors, start listening for clues, and learn the micro‑habits that protect people under surveillance. The tone stays grounded: we’re grateful for growth, humbled by the reach, and committed to being exactly who we are—a family showing up for other families with heart, candor, and tools.

If this conversation helps you or someone you love, share it with one person now. Subscribe for more survivor‑led guidance, leave a review to amplify this work, and tell us which tactic you’ll pass on today. Your voice might be the bridge someone needs.

Transcript

Banter, Promotions, Big News

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Good evening, y'all. Welcome to another episode of Unstoppable here at a contagious smile. I am your president of the company.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Oh dear lord. You were demoted to vice president, and Faith was promoted to senior president. So that kind of makes her the boss of you.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

Not only do I get fired from my real job, I get fired from the real job. This isn't a real this this is becoming a job. This is a calling. This isn't a job. You're right. This is a calling.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Y'all call and I answer.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Not during the hours of I'm asleep to 23 hours, 18 minutes later.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

Now today was Sunday, so I did sleep in a lot.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Till almost three.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Two.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

No.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

15.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

No.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Ish.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

No. Yes. It was three.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

That was my nap.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

No. Yes. No.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

We're allowed to take naps on Sundays. Well, every day's Sunday now. Retired. No.

Celebrity Co‑Host Reveal And Gratitude

SPEAKER_01 1:09

So a couple of amazing things. Let's see. Hello. I got like the best news ever. What happened when you came home the other day and I walked outside and I was like so incredibly excited. Aram Moshtaba who is really Amir reached out to me and I was like a little gay to Christmas because he's gonna be co-hosting one of our podcasts.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Y'all may know of Amir from The Blacklist with James Spader.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Who just had a birthday, happy 66th birthday, Mr. Spader?

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Yep. If you have not seen The Black List, my wife highly recommends it.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

One of my favorite shows of all time.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

There's what, like nine seasons?

SPEAKER_01 1:54

More than that.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

I forget.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Amazing. Anyway, so he's gonna be on and co-host, and you know, I am like a little kid at Christmas about it because he's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

He is awesome. He's a very sweet guy.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

He's amazing. He's such a sweet, sweet, sweet guy. I love it. Ain't no thing like a chicken wing.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

And he's out in Broadway right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

He's doing amazing. He's just so like down to earth and awesome. And he sent us a video and he even introduced us to his really cute little poochie pal dog. Oh yeah. Doggy is very, very cute. And he's just got a great disposition, a great personality. He's just a great guy. So we're super, super excited. Do not have a date on that yet. We're working on it because we got to work with his people, his people have to work with our people. You know, it's a reach out kind of thing, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

That would be my wife and myself. That's our people. Yeah. So anyway, mostly my wife.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Anyway, so that's exciting. And we have now picked our puppy that will be here in a few weeks.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

That will be all mine.

Academy Growth And Confidential Community

SPEAKER_01 2:52

I don't think so. I don't think so. And oh, what a cutie pie. What a cutie pie. So that face. Oh, so cute. I cannot wait. Can't wait. We're super excited about that as well. And just a bunch of stuff is happening. Which is, you know, a lot. We're on the cover of podcast magazine for the month of March. The cover, and they're doing like a four-page spread, which is amazing. And we would not be there if it wasn't for all of you wonderful, amazing people listening and sharing and talking about us and telling people to listen. So thank you, thank you, and thank you for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

And then the anonymous nominations that we don't even know about, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Okay, that was totally by surprise. I had no idea that what was it? Which one?

SPEAKER_02 3:48

Oh gosh, I'd have to look it up again.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

I was given the 2025 Republican woman something. And I was like, I yeah, I had no idea. Like it just came out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

And we looked it up and we even googled it and it authenticated it. Like it actually said, yes, this is this is real. And I was like, wow, I'm glad I'm not a Democrat.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

I mean with uh no.

unknown 4:21

No.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

But I'd have to say I'm more for the person than the party, but I always do lean towards Republican, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

That would be the way that so anyway, thank you for the nomination.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

That was this woman works her butt off up here and does everything one-handed up here by herself. She's overworked, underpaid. Oh, right, you're not even getting paid, are you?

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Well, we're hoping to fix that here soon so that we can put money back. We've had some amazing people join the academy. So welcome to all of you.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Welcome, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Just because of privacy and how big I am about confidentiality, I won't disclose who they are, but there's some big names, really big names that have added onto there. And like I said, we don't disclose anybody in there. And once you join, you can choose whether to be in there where people can see you and meet and speak with other survivors and thrivers, or you can stay anonymous. And a few of the really big ones have stayed anonymous, which you know is every right for them to do so. But I am really just honored and welcome any and everybody. So come on and join.

Why We Do This: Reaching Survivors

SPEAKER_02 5:31

And some of them is not even you know, just s single people, it's like what would you say, a company, a corporation, or even hospitals, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's that's freaking awesome, y'all. You know, we we just you know, my wife and I sit here in our little office and in our never sit up here with me in in our home, and you know, we just do this ourselves, and you know, there's only her and I doing this, and you know, she does ninety-nine point nine percent of the work while I'm off goofing somewhere doing it. And you know, we just can't believe how big this has grown, you know, and the people who who come to us out of the blue, like, you know, my wife was at the table and she gets a a video phone call from Lou Diamond Phillips, you know, and and you know, I watched him growing up in young guns, and I'm like, he's an incredible actor.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah, he really is. I mean, I like I go back and look at the people who've reached out to us, like in our age, like the Breakfast Club was a staple in our life, like right, and then to have John reach out from the Breakfast Club was so amazing, and like we've been chatting back and forth since he reached out some time ago, and then like John Cusack and and I don't want to sit here and name drop, but like you know, to to see that we are reaching, you know, people everywhere. And I love that because all we want to do is help make a difference. You know, this started out where I didn't want anyone to go through what I went through alone, and it's hard, it's hard to go through this at all, yet alone by yourself. And so to see that we're accomplishing this is just amazing. And so I want to personally thank everybody who has helped make that happen.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

And y'all, it don't don't get us wrong, it's not just those A-listers that you know we're trying to get on the show. We're doing this to reach out and help eat and everyone. And for those who wrote in during my the time that my wife was writing, Dear Silence.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I bet you we had a thousand different in entries.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

That that is the that is the the people that my we do this for.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Well, in all fairness, I I speak to I can't even tell you how many people a week, whether it's you know, on the phone or on a Zoom or and down into private messaging or anything like that. And I've done Zooms with hundreds and hundreds of survivors, but at the end they're like, I'm just not ready to put it out there. Even though we change their geographic location, we change their name. I would say probably one in every 25 that I speak with on Zoom end up saying, Hey, let's put it out. And then the rest, I just say to them, hey, you know what? It's a delete button, it's a beep gone, you know. That's it. And and there's no hard feelings for me at all. If you and when I'm doing this, it's not an interview. It's two people who are friends having a conversation. That's how I look at it. That's how everybody says it stands out so much because it's not an interview. I'm not sitting here with a list of questions. We are having a conversation, and it helps other people because they hear things that they might have never heard before, and it helps them realize what they can take from that and get out of their current situation. So so many times, you know, I'll have someone say, Hey, I I've really thought about it. I'm so afraid. Okay, you don't have to say anything else, you know. And then I still stay in touch with them. And then I just delete it. And, you know, that's just it because I'm not my number one priority is comfortability and confidentiality. I want people to know there is a safe place to come to, and that they are indeed safe and that there is someone they can trust because that is so hard to find these days. I mean, hell, you can't even trust members of your own family anymore. I mean, you can't.

Living Through Abuse While Pregnant

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Imagine y'all that you know, these these folks that are in violent situations, you know, they're looking for, like my wife said, a safe place, a safe haven. And, you know, someone who can listen attentively and understand where they were, where they are, and how to get out from there. And that's something my wife does amazingly. She's got the biggest heart. I know that's not a fat joke.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Oh wow, thanks. You're welcome. Thanks for that. I like your little ass. There ain't nothing on me, little. My ass has his own zip code.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Negative ace.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

No, but it's you're beautiful. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

But that's the one thing is like, you know, I I thought back to when we dated 25 years ago, and I was confident. I was never cocky, I was never stuck up. I was way up in my career professionally. I had my own place, I had my own, you know, car.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

I went my own ass and everything.

Building Calm Amid Chaos At Work

Stop Blaming Survivors

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Right. I mean, I had everything going for me, except I wanted my own like intimate family. I wanted a husband, I wanted kids. And at that time, our timing wasn't right and it didn't work. And but I was never, I was never cocky, but I was confident. I could walk into a room and know that, you know, I was a senior executive, and I know I could go in there and and hold my own, right? And then I also uh was a teacher, instructor, and I know I could go in there with a room full of men and hold my own. And I was also competing in martial arts, and it was like so different. And so many people say to me, Well, how come you were competing in martial arts and you have multiple black belts, but yet you got into this situation? And one thing you learn right off the bat is to de-escalate, just in law enforcement is the same. You know, you always want to de-escalate the situation. And when you are getting beaten while you're asleep, you know that you are not de-escalating a situation that you can get away from at that point. And I openly admit, and I've stated this in multiple books and many, many, many podcasts, that I made a deal with the devil. I told my abuser that as long as he didn't hit my stomach, because I was pregnant at the time, that I would not fight him back because I I knew, and so he thought he just won the lottery with that. And when we did go to court one of the times, he did say in court under oath that he knew he would have never raised a hand to me if I wasn't pregnant. He knew that that was the only way that I would not fight him back because I was protecting my baby. And so I literally, I truly honestly believe if it wasn't for my martial art training, I don't think I would have survived the abuse. I mean, he testified if he hit me once, he hit me over 200 times. And I kept putting my mindset in a place that I'm just sparring. I'm just because, you know, people don't understand it if they don't walk through your shoes. If they're not wearing your shoes, they don't have a flipping clue how you get through what you get through. And the thing is, is that I would just put that in my mindset because I didn't want the cortisol and all of the estrogen and all of the adrenaline to run through because it was going to anyway, but I didn't want an elevated level to go through to her, to my daughter. And so I just tried to put it into my mindset, just you know, quickly get it over as fast as possible and de-escalate, right? Go in there. I sang to her all the time and I constantly like always rubbed my belly and and played music for her whenever I could. And, you know, people thought, I don't know how you stay awake in your office because in my office it was all glass, and so I didn't need the overhead lights, so I never used them unless it was pouring down rain and dark outside. And I always had soft music playing, so I always had like Kenny G or Michael Bublet or you know, something very soft and calming. And I had like, you know, the finchway kind of the best that I could in there, and I had scents of like lavender and calming smells and things like that in there, so that it could be, you know, 10 hours or so a day of calming. And people would come into the office and be like, How are you awake? Like it's so calm and you know, serene in here. And and and I'm just producing work, I'm just going and going because it is my calm. Like Monday morning is my favorite time of the week because I got to go to work, right? And I love that it would take me hours and rush hour traffic because I didn't want to go back. And I would sit in the office, I was the first one there before the lights even came on, and I was the last one out before the, you know, when all the lights before they went out. And it was just to to be there and and know that you know I was in a safe place until he started showing up at work, like unexpected. And you you just have to realize that, and I hate when people say, Well, you picked him. What you pick is not what you get. Like, you know, like you you go to a and see this charismatic, charming thing, but it's a mask, it's like going to one of those, you know, what do you call it? Where like a disguise, like a party, and masquerade. Yeah, thank you. Like you go into a masquerade, and then you don't know who's behind the mask, right? You have no idea. And so that's not the person you chose by any stretch of the imagination. And when people are so quick to say, well, you deserved it, you stayed, you chose to be there, you know. And then when like my egg donor said to me so many times, I would never have allowed a man to put a hand on me, you don't know what you would do until you're in that situation. You know, you have no idea. So if you are a person who is not one of the one in four women that have been abused, let's say, you know, you're you're Jane and you have a daughter and you have a sister and you have a mom, one in four at some point is gonna experience some sort of abuse. If you're in military or law enforcement family, one in three. And again, I sound like a broken record when I say this, but those are the numbers that are reported. So if those are reported, what numbers really are they? How strong is this? Because this is this is horrible. The the numbers of domestic violence is just, I'm sorry, I think there should be a registry for people who are, you know, abusers. I think there should be. If there's a sex registry, I think there should be a domestic violence registry. I do. And you there isn't, and it's it's not okay. And if you're one of those people that, by the grace of God, have not been in a violent situation, please don't tell those of us who have how we should handle it or how we should feel or what we accepted or ask why did we stay? Instead, just be there, like offer to hold our hand. If we're not ready to be touched, just sit in a room with us for a minute, maybe offer a meal, maybe offer refuge, maybe, you know, offer just be there. And if we want to talk, just listen. Just listen to what we have to say. Don't put your two cents in. You know, I use the metaphor all the time when I do speaking engagements that if God forbid you were told you had a brain tumor, would you go to a podiatrist? And everybody looks at me like, what? Well, no, seriously, if you have a brain tumor, would you go to a podiatrist? No. Why? Because they have no idea what you're talking about, they have no idea how to make the tumor go away. So you would want the very best neurologist that you can find, right? Yes. So you wouldn't go neuropediatrist. No, same thing when you're dealing with domestic violence, it's the same thing because this is a tumor, this is its own form of cancer, it is. And we're letting it affect our kids, we're letting it affect every aspect of our life, and we need to stop. We need to stop it. This is its own form of cancer, and we need to stop it, and that's what we are trying to do. My husband is just looking at me in this way.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

I love my wife. I don't judge my wife. Okay. Those of y'all out there who are judging my wife, shame on you. Because, like she said, you have not been in her shoes. If you're in her shoes, there is hope. There is a way out. Okay. Keep listening to the show. My wife's wrote plenty of books, you know, send her an email.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

You'll actually get me. I will respond.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

She has stinky ways to help you out where the other the monster doesn't, you know, keep track of what's going on.

Safety Plans And Leaving Risks

Documenting Abuse Without Detection

Money, Storage, And Escape Prep

SPEAKER_01 18:36

So you know, I I've said this numerous times, and I really think we need to do it. The average individual returns seven times back to their abuser because they have not executed a safety plan, right? And I do go into pretty strong detail in who kicked first. I don't recommend this to be someone who's in the middle of a domestic violence situation. If you've gotten out, yes, absolutely. I think it's very graphic, very gory. It is a thousand percent event truth of what transpired during the time I went through my domestic violence. You know, somebody could pick it up and turn to a page and just start reading, and I can tell you verbatim what it was on that page because it's what happened to me. And you know, you don't have to try to remember the truth, it just comes naturally. So that is a book that I would say if you're in the middle of that right now, don't wait till you've have gotten out. But people need a safe and strategic safety plan, and it depends on your situation, but you can't just get up and leave. It's not that simple, it's really not that simple. Mine took a lot of planning, a lot. It took a lot of time to get it because I knew that when I left that that was going to be my one and only chance. And what a lot of people don't know is that is the most dangerous time because you're taking away your abuser's control, you're taking away his outlet. Like I used to say, I am his playground for abuse. Like he comes onto the playground, which was a metaphor for me, and I was his playground because he just beat the ever-loving shit out of me on a daily basis. And so you have to have a strategic plan put into place. And I keep saying that we need to do a show about how to get that in order, how to get a safety plan started, the little things that you can start to do even now, so that you can start getting out and be able to talk about it. There are so many things, you know. There was a situation where I did try to take pictures of my injuries, and he found my camera. And he was at the hospital. And when he found it, he actually took a knife and put it inside my throat. Like inside the point, went into my actual throat part itself. Not down my throat, but you know, on the outside of my skin. And he was infuriated that there were photos of the injuries, and they were all in the bathroom because that was where I could go and not be, you know, followed. And then, of course, the bathroom door has to come off the hinges because I don't need to be in the bathroom unattended for whatever reason. So I still try to take pictures of injuries, and then what I would do is I uploaded them to a dummy account. So back then, you know, you have all these options. You have Walgreens, CBS, Walmart. There's so many more now than there was back then. But make a dummy account. First set up a whole new email and make sure the email has no reflection on anything having to do with you. So, like if you're Jane Smith. Don't even have anything to do with your your initials, your name. If you let's say you do it out of like total, like that wouldn't even make sense. That wouldn't be her. You know, nothing that could be figured out on its own. If if you have a Gmail and all you've ever used is Gmail and your abuser knows you use Gmail, then go get Yahoo or go get Hotmail or go get, you know, another option for email. Make sure that the carrier is one that they don't know. Make sure your password is something that isn't common. It's not something ever that your abuser would know that you would use ever. Make sure that you come up with not your favorite color, not your dog's name, not your date of birth, no date of birth of anybody in the family. Make sure it's not your favorite month, your favorite color, your favorite food, your school. I mean, none of that. And then set up another email for a recovery email for something else. Don't use, and I've I've heard a lot of people who have done this one part, but then they were like, Victoria, this didn't work because I had to set up a recovery email. And if I couldn't remember whatever, I used my email. And when he accessed it, he saw that I had all these other things. So you set up at least two, right? And then that way, if you let's say you choose Walgreens to updo upload all your pictures and photos and documentations and things of that nature, then you let's say you always use a Gmail email. So set up an email and create an account that uses Yahoo, for instance. You don't have to use these specific. We're just saying for an example. Then use a second email for Yahoo as the recovery email and make sure that you put these somewhere no one else would know. And not in your phone. Not in your phone, because those can be accessed. People don't realize that you can access that. Even if you get one of those little secret app things, they can still be accessed, right? One of the other things I did is I went and got a safe deposit box and I put it solely in my name. And you can even do it at an institution that you don't bank with. So if you bank at, I don't know, regions or whatever, you know, go to Wells Fargo, go to Bank of America, go to Truist, go to wherever, and open an account only in your name, and then get a safe deposit box. And then these are all little tidbits that I talk to women and men about, because men are victims too. And I hate the term victim. They're survivors, they're not a victim. I hate that term. But one of the other things that I did when I was going through this is for instance, like I went, let's say, to the grocery store, and he would not allow me to have any cash ever because then he couldn't see what I was spending. So what I would do instead is I started figuring out, okay, I'm gonna go to the grocery store, and at the end it'll say, Do you want cash back? And I would get like$20. Nothing that would really shock and make them him wonder, why is it so much? I mean, now groceries are outrageous anyway, but back then, so I'd get like$20. And then if you go onto the bank and he, let's say he did go look at the bank statement, it would say, Whatever grocery store you go to, let's say it said$208.18 or whatever, instead of$190 and 18 cents. And then what you do is you take that$20 and you start collecting that money and putting it aside. And that those are some of the things that I did, and that is just like the tip of what I did. You know, there there were so many just disgusting things about him. And I needed proof. I needed proof because and people kept saying, why do you have so much evidence? Well, I had so much evidence because nobody was doing a damn thing to help me. And I kept showing that this is keep happening, and I kept saying, He's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill my child, and nobody did anything. Well, I wanted enough proof that if he did, he couldn't get near my kid, and so that's another reason why I did what I did. But you can take photographs and upload them into your dummy account and make sure you write all these names down, keep the list in your office, keep the list somewhere that you know he would never check. Like if he absolutely never cooked, you can buy one of those cans that looks like a real food and it's a safe and it's only a couple dollars, and you could put your stuff in there. I would prefer you not to keep it in the house just because, for safety reasons, you could put it in a safe deposit box, keep a copy of it in your office. You know, I bought a throwaway phone and I hid it in the vehicle I had at the time. I also he wouldn't let me have a charger for my phone. And so I bought an extra charger for my phone and I bought an extra charger for the throwaway phone, and I had it in there. And I also started putting money in there. And there are there are little things that I think we really need to start advising and helping you guys realize that there are so much that you can do that's if you start doing it little by little, he won't pick up on it. They're not gonna pick up on tiny little changes. Like, for instance, next time you go to the grocery store, put everything in the back. If you have an SUV, put it in the trunk, you know, if it's whatever, put it in the back seat. Start backing in to the driveway. So if you have to get out quickly, you don't have to worry about reversing. If you're questioned about it, it's just easier to unload if it's already backed up, right? And then just maintain it, just keep parking that way every time because it's much easier to get out that way if you do that. And that's something else that I started to do is I started to always back in that way. There's just my husband is what you're breaking my concentration. What go ahead, say whatever it is because I'm rattling on and on.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

No, it's it's perfectly fine. You know I love you.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

I know, but what are you over there contemplating or thinking about?

SPEAKER_02 28:10

I want to jump back to some of the maybe the new people, the folks who have not been listening to us very long. There's people who who may still be judging you right now. Are y'all listening to what she's saying? Do y'all hear that she has lived through this? Do you understand that? This is not something we read in a book. This is not something that she just pulled out her ass. She lived this. And there you are saying you're judging her. Well, why didn't you just leave? You you you said you were his playground. He beat the shit out of you every single day. Why didn't you just leave? Listen to the words she's saying, y'all. She's giving you clues. These are monsters who are predators, these are are hunters, okay? They know the lay of the land, they know her family, they know her relatives, they know everything about her. Okay. You heard that he followed her to work. He would just show up out of the blue. He would call her job to make sure that she was calling from a landline.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

It was on caller ID that I called from my my office had a private number, so he would call to make sure I was in the office.

Micro‑Changes That Protect You

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Do you see do you see the mindset of these monsters? And it could be now she's referencing uh uh a male in her past life. It could be a female, okay? But these folks have everything about their victim. Okay? And when you say, Well, why didn't you just leave? And you come home and he's not home, and he shoots your puppy and says, This will be you if you ever try to leave. There you are with a new baby in your belly that you're trying your damnedest to protect. You still have family members out there. Who are you gonna turn to? Not mine, mine Your friends? You've been isolated. He's isolated from all your friends. You can't go anywhere that he doesn't know.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

No, I had to show receipts. I was told where I could and couldn't go. And like if I wanted to go get my hair done or whatever, I had to call from the salon, and then he would call back to make sure. So if I called from wherever, he would call back to make sure when they picked up it was at that salon, and then I'd have to bring the receipt to coincide with that to show him that that's where I had been. If not, he would have gone up there with me.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

I don't know how my moment is, but somebody somebody needed to hear that.

Keeping It Real, Not Celebrity

Family Patterns And Self‑Worth

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Well, and that's what it is, is is that you know, I have been judged by it, but you're also, you know, let's let's take it to a whole other level for a second. You know, growing up, you are taught how to be treated by your partner, by your parents, like right. So if your parents, like my grandparents were phenomenal, and I talk about them all the time. And I'm sorry if y'all get tired of hearing about it, but you know, that's what I do. And I worship them to the very day. Like, there's not a single day that goes by I still don't think of them, and it's been decades since I've lost them. And they taught me how to be as a person, how I want to be as a partner, how I want to be as a mom, as a sp as a spouse, everything. And I have lived with the expectation that if I could make them proud of me, I've done one hell of a good job because that's all I ever wanted growing up. Like I did not ever want to disappoint them. That was my big thing that I never wanted to disappoint them. And I was like that Adam Ant song, Goody Two Shoes. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, what did you do? You know, I was just I was boring, but I lived to make them happy. But my biological parents showed me what not to do. How, you know, and I thank them. They did give me a roof over my head, but believe me, I paid more than the cost of it. And I didn't know at the time that they knew my abuser. I didn't know at the time that, you know, and there's a whole bunch to that. But the the thing is that your partner, you learn what's acceptable by what you see. And so my I call him my sperm donor. My my sperm donor was not around. He had many different women that he was friends or offseeing on the side, and everything was very quick and judgmental by him. And so I wanted someone like my grandfather, and and I have said this only to Michael ever, that he reminds me so much of my grandfather, and I have said that forever and a day, but like my sperm donor, you know, I remember being five, six, seven years old, and he had this really tall, and you've been to their mansion, you remember in their bedroom, their armoire, the you know, furniture, it was really tall, especially when you're five, six, seven years old. He used to pick me up and put me on top of that and leave me there. And I would be there forever. And I remember one time I was like, I have to pee, I have to go to the bathroom, stop talking. Like, I have got to go to the bathroom, stop talking. And he would like go downstairs, he'd go do whatever. And I'm up here on this really tall thing, and I'm like, I'm gonna jump down, you know, and he would just leave me up there, and it was terrifying when I was little, it was absolutely terrifying, you know. Like I would, these are all just incidences, and this is how you realize as a kid growing up, but then you look at your family dynamic and like malfunction and you know, just total like wack-a-doo family. You have two parental units, and neither one of them have a relationship with any of the kids, like both of them together. If you if you have both parties, they like not not both of them have a relationship with any of the kids, and not only that, but then like my sperm donor has no relationship with me, he has no relationship with my brother, and he has no relationship with his wife. He used to call her his roommate, and growing up, it was, you know, he would make all these comments about my egg donor's weight or her size, and you know, and how she's let herself go. And and it for a long time I felt really bad, but then you know, he's like, I've done everything for her, and he's given her a house and uh, you know, a new nice car, not new, a nice car, and she has maids and gardeners and yardsmen and landscapers, and they eat out three times a day, seven times seven days a week, and and I couldn't do it. I could not do it. There's just no way, you know, and our home could fit on their first floor with plenty of room left over. And I love our home in comparison to theirs. I mean, there's a difference between a home and a house, like, and you've heard this because you've been there, you know, like don't touch the walls, it would cost 15 grand to paint those walls. It's materialistic. You can't take that with you when you're gone. You know, it's not them the wall that's gonna wrap you in a memory and make you warm at night, you know, that that's not what it is. And you had the same thing with with your parents, except like your mom and dad were divorced, and your mom had a few other callers, you know, or partners or whatever you want to call them. But you know, when you have the parents that aren't giving you the support and the recognition and the devotion that you deserve, you're gonna have chaos in the family. Like you have just like I have no relationship with my brother, you have no relationship with your brother. That all goes back to the parents, right? Because this is how we grew up. This is how we grew up, and in it like it's not our fault in regards to we've reached out, and if it's a one-way show, you can't get the other people to do what they don't want to do. But I just I can't wrap my head around how some people care more about image and reputation and how much is in the bank than they do about the life they carried or they, you know, helped provide the sperm to create, you know, it just doesn't make sense to me. And so I grew up longing to hear my sperm donor say he was proud of me. And you have seen firsthand, like my husband, we've been no contact with them for years and years, and then there was a little window where a crack came in, and we spoke to them for a few weeks, maybe. And my husband goes over there with all these magazines, right? And I don't look at it like that. Like, I'm like, okay, we're helping people where this is another avenue where people could maybe find out what we are doing and how to help. Not, oh my god, I'm in another magazine. I've never had that mentality. And he goes in there and he's like, Look, you know, she's on the cover, she's in all these, and he takes like seven different magazines over. They wouldn't even look at him. What did he say? Like he didn't care. He he didn't even pick up one, he didn't even want to look at it. Like there was no no nothing. And you said it so perfectly. Say what you said last night at dinner about you know, here you are, this person who sees things as it's just me, but it's not.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

You want me to repeat all that? Yeah, what did you say at dinner? Like well, it's it I I I I simplified it a while ago. It's it's my wife, myself, in our tiny little office here, you know. This is tiny, in in in our nice, comfy little home. And if you type up Victoria Cure, man, she is everywhere. She's on covers of magazines, on books, she's she's talking to all these, you know, A-lister celebrities, and you know, she's been featured everywhere, and she's speaking engagements, and and then you look up Catajia Smile that's associated with Victoria, and uh Catajia Smile is blowing up, it's huge. And then you have the Academy uh Catajia Smile Academy, which is going out big time to all these different people and entities, and and then you have the podcast, also associated with Victoria Cure, my wife, sitting right here in her hoodie and sweatpants.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

I'm I'm representing Adidas.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

And not getting paid though. Oh, yeah, good you you look at all this and and how big it is, and you know, and you know, here we are, you know, we've been at top 1% globally for the the you know most listened to podcast globally, and it's just my wife, it's just the woman I I hold hands with or I hold her nub. You know, I get the door for her, you know, and I I I refuse to allow her to open her the car door if I'm there beside her. You know, it's it's just my wife, it's just me, it's just my daughter. You know, we're not we're not all glammed up and you know, wearing rhinestones and diamonds, and you know, we we have I have two rings on my fingers, you know, my wife has one, but you know, we're just we're not hoity-toity, as you say. It's just us, y'all. And that's how come my wife keeps it very real and she keeps it like a conversation. When you talk to her, the zoom and you talk about what you've been through, the hell you walked in, or or going through. You know, it it's just that woman. It's not some big name out there on the screen, it's just a survivor. I call my wife. Faith calls mom.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

I just I don't I don't care, you know, I just never could see myself as you know this celebrity. I couldn't see it, you know, even IMDB we're we're on there.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

And I I still, you know, I've had people come up and say, Oh, I recognize your voice, yeah, and pod stars, whatever. But I've had people come up and say, I recognize your voice. They've recognized faith, they've asked faith for autographs, they've asked me for autographs.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 41:09

But like and the thing is, is that when I go out and like if I'm doing a speaking engagement or whatever, I'm not dressed too impressed. You know, I'm not gonna, you know, yes, I've showered and I'm clean and all that stuff, but I'm still me and I've been through hell and I've on the other side of it. And you can be too. And because of that, I don't need to put on the expensive stuff. And you know, I've been in front of multi-multi-millionaires that, you know, and celebrities and things like that, and I'm still me. You know, I've had people come up and say, You're so just down to earth. And it's like, I'm I'm just me, you know, like my husband walks around like a billboard, and he's always wearing something that shows our pictures on it. And even like right now, he's wearing a contagious smile unstoppable podcast with our picture on it, and he wears this out in public all the time. And they're like, Oh, you're her, or you're him, or you're you're them. And it's just, you know, this is who we are, and we're not gonna change who we are, we're not gonna, you know, put on a facade because that's just a mask. And I want people to see who we are without putting a mask on because, you know, here's the thing, and and I think this sums, if somebody asked me, I would say this sums me up very, very well. I will tell you the truth and piss you off, but at the end of the day, you'll respect the fact that I won't lie to your face or behind your back. And I also will not say anything behind your back that I won't say to your face.

SPEAKER_02 42:37

I think that's that's damn accurate, you know.

Values Over Image

SPEAKER_01 42:41

Like I but then if you come after my family, just remember I'm a redhead. That's all I'm gonna say, you know. That that's all I'm gonna say. And it's it's so strange because so many people in both of our lives have come in and tried to like utilize whatever they could out of us and get whatever they could out of us, and then just left as fast as they entered. And that's awful, that is a horrible thing to do. But you know, we've let it not change us, which is incredibly hard because you're talking about like family members and friends and things like that that'll be like, Oh, you could do this for me, and then oh, you're the greatest thing ever, and then next thing you know, it's like stage-less they're out, you know. I love your sound effects, and it's it's stupid, it's so stupid, it's like, you know, why don't you just take a minute, get your head out your ass, and just be real. What have you got to lose? Or are you so fake and so full of shit and such a bad person that you know, like Faith said one day, you just need to take your bottom lip, put it over your head, and swallow. We gave that to Mug Sticky. So when you hear that in one of his songs, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

He said he's going to use it.

SPEAKER_01 44:06

He said he's going to use it. And he's going to give Faith all the credit for that.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

I need to do something like that.

Boundaries, Masks, And Scars

SPEAKER_01 44:11

And I mean that is true. It is that when you are just the nastiest person, and it's all about you and you don't care about anybody else, and it's all what you can do for them and to hell with everybody. And you get everything you can out of someone, and then they, you know, can't do anything at the moment for you, and you're gonna, you know, pound sand and go, do society a big old favor. Put that big old lip, you know, over your head and swallow. I mean, if you're gonna be two-faced, at least wear one that's attractive. You don't be, you know, ugly all day. It just doesn't make sense to me. You know, you want to look at me, and I've had so many people look at me and and make fun of all my scars, and you know, oh, you're hideous, you're scarred, you're this, you're that, whatever. You know what? At the end of the day, I might be all scarred. That's true, but I'm not you, which makes me a hell of a lot better of a person because I'm not fake, I'm not phony. What you see is what you get, and you know, I'm not gonna go up to somebody and use them for anything and everything I possibly can, and then disappear into the woodwork again, and then in a few years when you need something else, you know, oh, not be around. But then, like when something is going on with our family, you can't even pick up a phone, you can't make a phone call, you can't call and see how anybody's doing, and that's for both sides, not just, you know, and can't even make a phone call. I mean, I still think one of my favorite lines ever came from your mother when I lost my arm and you said to her, Hey, you haven't even called to see how any of us are doing. And she's like, Well, she could have called, and you were like, She only has one hand, and she and you said, 'We yeah, she only has one hand,' and she goes, 'Well, she still could have dialed the phone with it.' You know, and it's like when people make these comments, you just are like, For I mean, are you serious? Like, and it happens on both sides, it happens all the way around, and then you wonder why people are the way they are now. This society has gone to hell in a handbasket. Nobody is of the the mindset generation that they were, let's say, in our grandparents' time frame, right? Because they, I mean, my grandparents were like with the mindset and the mentality, we sat down for dinner and you even had, well, first back then we didn't have smartphones. They had those big block things with a huge antenna on the top. And if you even tried to bring a phone to the table, you weren't coming to the table. And if you tried to grab the phone receiver from the wall phone with the five-foot extension, you know, cord on the receiver, you know, they would say, if we wanted whoever's on that end of that phone to be here at dinner, we would have invited them. Hang up the phone. And I loved it. I loved that. And we still do that now with our kids. No phones at the table, no, you know, hats at the table. And we talk, we actually conversate. How's our day? How's your day? How are things going? You know, we have conversation, we have family night, we spend time as a family, you know, and they have movie night every week. And it's just so important to have those things because that phone's not going to keep you comfortable. And I guarantee you, whoever you're talking to on it, 99% opportunity chance here is that if you're talking to somebody that you met online or whatever, and it's not your soulmate, your forever partner, in five years, you're not even gonna remember their name. But your family hopefully will still be there. But when is enough enough? Just like my husband is like, I've been up for four hours and I'm tired.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Negative.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

Oh, really? You're not sleepy?

SPEAKER_02 47:52

No, I've got uh something on the engraver downstairs.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

I also need that paperwork so I can get that stuff done too.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:59

So I want to start giving more tidbits and advice on things you can do to start getting stuff ready for a safety plan that does need to get done. Why are you pouting?

SPEAKER_02 48:11

Well, I'm not pouting.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

You were like, were you about to put your bottom lip over your face?

SPEAKER_02 48:16

I mean, what is this box? That's gonna be a good cartoon, though.

SPEAKER_01 48:19

That would be great.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

See if I can get something engraved up for Muck.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

That's hilarious. That would be perfect.

SPEAKER_02 48:24

Muck sticky.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

He's awesome too.

SPEAKER_02 48:26

If y'all don't know who Muck Sticky is, look at it.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

Go check him out, but make sure you don't listen to him around the kids. Even though the kids today listen to stuff ten times harder when we were little and we would watch like Alf and Growing Pains and Who's the Boss and stuff like that. I think the worst, and I could be wrong, the worst word I ever heard was like hell, right? Like, I don't think that there was, and if you saw anything, it was like a little kiss, and you know, like my grandparents would cover my eyes, ooh, oh look, they're kissing. Now they're like having sex and they're dropping the F bomb on tell on the television, and it's like, you know, all these LGBTQ and all of these other things are going on, and and you're like, this is TV. Okay, like Walt Disney would be turning in his grave right now, and some of the stuff Deadpool was on Disney. Now, yes, I'm a Deadpool fan. I loved it. I thought they were great. One and two was fantastic, it was hilarious, but should it be on Disney? I don't see Walt being it's a small world after all over it. I mean, you know, maybe HBM. It's hilarious, but it's more of an HBO showtime, I would think. Maybe Netflix, then Disney. He's got some controversy going on right now. Does he? Well, his wife does.

SPEAKER_02 49:39

Oh, I just saw something about them. They look like an amazing couple. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

They're not I mean Ryan Reynolds is hilarious, yes. I I don't follow his wife. No, she's I just never have. Alrighty.

SPEAKER_02 50:01

Well we'll still look to the horizon for Mr. James Fader to come on board, along with Johnny Depp. And hopefully Keanu Reeves one day, one of these days.

SPEAKER_01 50:15

You wouldn't know what to do if you had Keanu Reeves come on.

SPEAKER_02 50:17

I I'd be like, dude, how many freaking firearms have you practiced with, you know? You would ask me you know, just because he's gotta go through training, right?

SPEAKER_01 50:31

He's gotta go through simulations of well, yeah, but he has such a life story. Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, he really does, and he's so humble. I love watching, and I'm not I I'm not a social media person like everybody else, my husband over here, but when I see videos of him, he's on the New York subway. Like just like everybody else, right? He's Keanu Reeves, he's on the subway, he takes Ubers. I would shit in my pants if I was an Uber driver and I go to pick up somebody and it's Keanu Reeves. I'd be like, You want to go where? What can what you know? I mean, he gets up and lets ladies sit down. He is such a gentleman. I mean, what he he's just he's like top-notch, really. He really is. There's a few of them that are out there, but then you see these A-listers that are like supposedly so rude, they tell you to not even approach them. Don't even go near them because that will like rip your head off, you know.

SPEAKER_02 51:37

And it it's just kind of a we'll send those folks over to Marge.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

To Marge?

SPEAKER_02 51:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

Marge.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

Your desperate housewives women.

Culture, Media, And Role Models

SPEAKER_01 51:50

I love them. I love them. I love oh, you talk about Marge and Marge Sr. I was like, who are you talking about at first? No, I love them. And Marge Sr. was on. She was hilarious. She was hilarious, hilarious, hilarious. You know, somebody asked me once a long time ago what I would do if like this would never happen. To me, this is like so out there, never. If like Jennifer Lopez, and I'd be like, Oh Lord, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 52:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

Because there's nothing Jenny from the block from her. Like, you know, thank you, Bendo, thank you. No. And then, you know, years ago, someone asked me before she came off the air, would I ever consider going on Ellen? And that was really hard because I was like, no, I don't think I would. Because all you ever hear is how horrible she treats everybody when the cameras aren't on, right? And I'm all about like, hell, I have surgery and I bring everybody cookies as I'm being taken back into the OR.

SPEAKER_02 52:48

That is true.

SPEAKER_01 52:49

I mean, every time. I had one of the nurses who was on my surgical team having a baby, and I brought her a baby basket. And every time I have surgery, I'm like, before our you know, we start, I'm like, thank you so much for all that you're doing. You know, I thank everybody for what they're doing. Like somebody said, Would you ever go on the view? And I was like, Oh, I do I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 53:11

That's with whooping.

Hopes, Guests, And Gratitude

SPEAKER_01 53:12

First of all, it's whoopee. Yeah, no, and then Joy Behar, you know, and all they ever do is talk negative about everybody. And like both of them were like, if they don't even say President Trump, they say if he gets back, and I haven't watched the show in years. I see clips about it when I'm working. I have videos in the background for noise, and she's always like, You know, oh no, she knows whoopie calls him you know who, if you know who, whatever. And when she goes, if you know who gets back in office, moving out of the country. And Trump said, You can use my plane, but she's still here, right? And Joey Behar, same thing, she's still here. And it's just, you know, the view is controversial. It's a bunch of women who's supposed to be giving their points of view about certain topics. And I don't see how Whoopi Goldberg is the is the moderator in all of this, because like when Megan McCain was there, you know, daughter of John McCain, she's had a very strong, prestigious career in being a reporter and being an anchor woman and just, you know, very strong in her values. I could understand when she was there, and she got very controversial with pretty much everybody, but why would Whoopi be the mediator or the moderator on the view? Like, you know, she's supposed to be a comedian, and I've never seen a movie I thought she was funny in. And that's not me saying that because I don't like what she says on the view. I, you know, she's alright in the go in ghost with Patrick Swayze, but I've never seen a movie that I really liked her in. I just, you know, that's just me. And I'm not throwing shade, I'm just my opinion. You know, to me, she's not in a Rom, an Amir. She's not Amir. She's not Amir. That's Amir. Amir. She's not Scott Hamilton. She's not, you know, these wonderful people with huge hearts that actually are good people, you know, that care about Marishka Harkate. I don't know. I like her so much. She's one of my favorites. I don't think if you knew a lot about her, she's Jane Goodall's daughter, which a lot of people have are like, who? She was a very Jane Goodall was a beautiful actress way, way before you and I were even a thought or an itch in somebody's pants. And this is her, that was her mom. Jane Goodall is, you know, well, she has a story, but Marishka Harkate has a huge story, and I think she's amazing. She plays Olivia Benson on Lauren or SVU. She loved my book, Who Kicked First. And I just love the stance that she is and how she portrays herself and on interviews. She's amazing, very down-to-earth. But see, you can like somebody, but you just don't have to always agree with what they like. You know, you could still think a person is wonderful. I think she's amazing. I think she's a an amazing human being. I I love watching everything about her, but I'm not in line with her values politically. But I still would do like I'd love to talk with her on the show. I would love to like, you know, she's been she's been abused. And that's why she's so amazing in her role as Captain Benson. Like she really puts her heart into it. She's an amazing human being, amusing woman, but she's very much a, you know, like she was a huge Obama fan, huge. She was a huge Clinton fan. She was, you know, all about them. She does not support President Trump. These are things that, you know, that that's her choice. She has every right to take that stance. And I support her taking those stances. I mean, I'm just nobody in comparison to her, but doesn't make me value her less as a human being. Isn't that sweet? That's sweet. That is sweet.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

So I'm gonna I'm gonna leave.

SPEAKER_01 57:06

No, you can take us out because we've done good, and I need a list of it.

SPEAKER_02 57:10

I have an engraving down there for you that I'm working on.

SPEAKER_01 57:13

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 57:14

I gave you one yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 57:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

That you can show your friends at the parlor. Whatever you call it. Poof parlor. Yeah. The poof parlor. I know they listened, right?

SPEAKER_00 57:25

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 57:26

So y'all be on the lookout for that engraving. She'll bring it by next time she comes, gets her hair done.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

That'd be nice. One day I'll come back with my hair black or something just dramatic.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

What? Crickets.

SPEAKER_01 57:43

What? I had friends cry when I cut like 16, 17 inches off my hair. They were not happy with me. Y'all maintain it. It's a lot of work. And then to have one hand to do it in makes it harder.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

Baby, I'll get that shower with you any night.

Sign‑Off And Tease

SPEAKER_01 57:58

Thanks for listening, everybody. Have a great night. We will hear from you and talk to you soon. Say goodbye, Michael.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

Goodbye, Michael.

SPEAKER_01 58:05

Oh my god.