A Contagious Smile Podcast
A Contagious Smile is a powerful platform dedicated to uplifting and empowering special needs families and survivors of domestic violence. Through heartfelt stories, we shine a light on the journeys of extraordinary individuals who have overcome unimaginable challenges. Their triumphs serve as a testament to resilience and strength, inspiring others to rediscover their own inner light. Each episode features candid interviews with survivors, advocates, and experts who provide valuable resources and insights to support those on their own paths to healing and empowerment. Join us as we celebrate the power of resilience, the beauty of shared stories, and the unstoppable spirit of those who turn adversity into hope. Let us guide you in rekindling your spirit, because every smile tells a story of courage and transformation.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
A Hard Look At Consent, Courts, And Courage
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Start with a Valentine’s greeting, end with a fire in your chest. We open warm and then drive straight into the hard truths about consent, courtroom trauma, and why too many survivors are punished by the very systems meant to protect them. From a 1960s case portrayed on screen to present-day stats that will stop you cold, we look at how disbelief, repetition, and composure theater stack the deck against people who report sexual assault. No is still no—marriage doesn’t cancel it, clothing doesn’t grant it, and momentum doesn’t override it.
We share raw, lived experience from countless court appearances: the memory tests, the character hits, the way a survivor’s tears become “instability” while an abuser’s calm reads as “credible.” Then we pivot from outrage to action. Victoria walks through “Shielded,” a detailed, step-by-step safety plan: discreet finances, safe banking, a separate phone and charger, document copies, staged bags, camera-aware meeting spots, and layered exits for kids and pets. We spotlight hospital security that got it right—alias rooms, locked units, escorts, and photo alerts—showing how trauma-informed design can save lives.
Michael brings an insider view from years working inside a jail. He breaks down how isolation really works, why certain offenders avoid general population, and how knowledge-sharing behind bars can worsen risk when people reenter society. We contrast that with what survivors actually get on release from terror: triggers that last for years, nervous systems wired for survival, and very little institutional support. Along the way we wrestle with the ethics of punishment, the possibility of reform, and the responsibilities communities carry to believe, protect, and document.
To close, we share new resources: a guide for healing from narcissistic abuse, a body-dysphoria Q&A designed for teens and adults navigating scars and identity, and an upcoming series of children’s workbooks to help young minds name danger, seek help, and hold onto hope. If you care about consent, survivor advocacy, trauma-informed justice, and practical safety planning, this conversation brings clarity and tools you can use or share. Subscribe, leave a review to help others find it, and tell us: what change would make the biggest difference where you live?
Howdy, y'all. Welcome to another episode of Victagious Smile is Unstoppable with Victoria and Michael.
SPEAKER_04:This is actually Valentine's Day edition.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, dang, that's right.
SPEAKER_04:And we're gonna put it out tonight, actually.
SPEAKER_01:Not like we're Valentine's Day, y'all.
SPEAKER_04:Happy Valentine's Day to you, my soulmate. Love of my life.
SPEAKER_01:Who already had the foresight to kill her flower.
SPEAKER_05:Bullshit! You got half early. No, first of all, it was three weeks ago, and they are D E A D. They are just not even alive.
SPEAKER_01:They're red.
SPEAKER_05:Really?
SPEAKER_01:Yes. No. No. The leaves and stalks may not be, but neither are the buds. The buds?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:The petals.
SPEAKER_05:The petals. They're not either. But we did give Faith a gorgeous bouquet of flowers for Father. I mean, for Valentine's Day, Father's Day. Woo! Happy Hallmark Day. There you go.
SPEAKER_01:Where are you at?
SPEAKER_05:I don't know. Okay, I want to talk a minute about a minute. Actually, a couple of things.
SPEAKER_01:Sit down, get some popcorn.
SPEAKER_05:This is actually very fitting since yesterday was National Asshole Day or Narcissistic Day.
SPEAKER_02:Oh.
SPEAKER_05:Right? So yesterday was actual narcissist day. Isn't that ironic? The day before Valentine's Day.
SPEAKER_01:Why do they get a day?
SPEAKER_05:Most people who deserve a day don't get a day, but narcissists get a day. Isn't every day about a narcissist anyway? It's like all they do. So I watched this movie called The Miranda's Law. It came out in 2023, and it's about the failure of the system, right? And my husband, go figure, slept through most of it. Because that's what my husband does. And then he got he woke up like at the end, he goes, I was having a dream. I was in court. I was like, you are listening to this movie while you were dreaming. But you I don't want to spoil it. So people, you need to go out and watch it. However, you know, Donald Sutherland did this movie right before he passed. And this movie is based on a true story in the 1960s about a young lady who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted. And what really just angers me, and I've always talked about this, is how the system makes, and I hate the word victim, I'm always gonna say that, go over and over again what transpired in their assault.
SPEAKER_01:It sure did.
SPEAKER_05:And that poor girl, okay. First she was a virgin, right? She was a virgin. And so they were like, Well, how do you know what appendage he used? Well, her she was like, I was trying not to die, my eyes were closed. So and she was like, I was a virgin, so I don't know. But then it comes out that it was the male appendage, right? And so what happened, what you know, right off the bat, her mom was absolutely against her testifying or wanting to press charges. She had an incredibly supportive sister in the movie. But when she goes and meets for the with the detective for the first time, the detective literally looks at her and says, Will you take a polygraph to authenticate what you're saying actually happened? And you're not somebody who got caught with a guy and you don't want to get in trouble with your parents or whatever you're claiming rape, things of that nature. This is why it's one in four that gets reported. This is why in the military and law enforcement, it's one in three that gets reported. Because really, what happens, and you think about this, let's talk in general. Like you have the little asshole bastard sitting in a courtroom, regardless of it being the person in the movie, or let's just talk about anybody in general. Your abuser is in court and sitting there. He's calm, cool, and collective because he knows that's the demeanor and disposition he should carry at that point, right? We go on the stand, we go through the questions. You know, did you entice him? What were you wearing? What if you are butt naked and you say no, no is no. It is not an okay that because you're laying there naked, it does not give a man the right to sexually assault you. Period. And if you're out on a date and you start having a makeout session and then you decide no, and it goes without your consent, that is rape. It is not consensual intercourse. So, of course, when you're sitting there, and I can tell you this from my own experience, I can't even tell you how many times I took my ex, my abuser, to court, how many times I sat there, and they would purposely try to break me all over again. They would purposely try to shake me up. And when they did, they would turn it on you. Like they would say, Oh, you're unstable. Oh, you're the one that must have mental issues, you're the one who must have changed your mind because you didn't want to be known as the dirty tramp. There's all these different things that they try to put across on us so that you know they make that narcissistic prick look innocent, which you you can't do.
SPEAKER_01:It's so wrong because that that little girl, you could, I mean, you could see how traumatized she was just in court, right? Having to relive the moment.
SPEAKER_05:Absolutely. And then they they put they placate her, like you know, she's the bad one because she's unstable. Well, I'm sorry, but if you are sexually assaulted or you are abused in any manner, whether it's physical, psychological, emotional, financial, and they all, you know, literally kind of coincide with each other at some point. When you go through that, if you sat on that stand with a perfect disposition and a perfect demeanor, and you carried yourself just as if maybe you ran a stop sign, then there is something the matter with you. You are violated, and you have every right to be exactly how you are on the stand. You know, I tried to compose myself the best that I could, and they were asking me time and time again the same stuff. Well, who saw them hit you? Where were you standing? What day of the week was it? What time was it? What were people wearing? My nose was fractured, I had blood dripping into my my mouth, down my shirt, and on my pregnant belly. I don't know where people were standing. I wasn't paying attention. Right? If somebody said, Well, I could tell you that it was Friday at 3:43 p.m. and Joe Blow was over here wearing this, and Sarah Bagadonuts was wearing that, and I was looking at her when he did it, then I would really worry about the mindset of the individual who had been assaulted. But when you're going through that, you're not looking at your surroundings. You are trying to survive. And the system just over and over and over goes through this, and it's really not okay. And like my husband and I very adamantly support law enforcement. We both have law enforcement backgrounds. We both, you know, support heavily military. He was in the Air Force, and we totally, completely and utterly support military and law enforcement. But there are people in both organizations that are dirty, that they're they'd rather cover their butts than say lose their retirement, lose an upcoming promotion, lose, you know, lose face in general, right? Lose their credibility, lose, you know, whatever the case may be. Like my biological father was sitting there when my abuser flat out said he would kill me. That is a terroristic threat. And not only was it by one person being there, but my egg donor was there. So there's two people right there. And that is considered a terroristic threat, which is a felony. And it would have been an open and shut case. And guess what? Oh, you know, nope. They didn't want to do anything about it, and so nothing got done. I have just finished, and I know as soon as Michael finishes sipping his tea, he'll jump in on this. I just finished the newest. No, I can't say it's in the newest. My second to newest book that has been out this week. It's called Shielded. And it is how the system protects the abuser and different things about it. Now, I had taken a little bit of it and had my husband look at a chapter or so because we all know my husband doesn't read my work. Edited bullshit. So I went back and did something. Okay. So have you edited the entire Book of Shield?
SPEAKER_01:No. Are you done with it?
SPEAKER_05:It's completely finished. So I went back and decided I was gonna do a step further because we've been starting to talk about how to prepare yourself for your safety plan and how to get out. So I went back, and my husband guarantees can say, of course you did. I went back and got extremely detailed. I mean extreme, and when I say extremely detailed, you know that means like methodical times a million, on everything from getting ready to leave a month, month and a half, two months, whatever, to a safety plan if you have to get out at once, to everything in between, how to prepare yourself, how to prepare your environment, your children, your pets, how to, you know, protect yourself online. It's all in there. And there are so many sections to it in this chapter, and each one of them has like 40 different chapters that I want to read that one. Okay, I'll let you see it when we're done here before your movie night. So it goes through and and kind of like about like financial institutions, how I went to financial institution and opened a safe bank, how you can go to the store and take out$20 and start keeping it in other places, how you get a throwaway phone and keep a charger uh that they don't know about. But it's called Shielded and it it's intense, it is a very intense book because the system, I'm sorry, is rigged. It does not, it is not in favor of, again, I hate this word, the victim. You know, it most times it is a he said she said, right? Because that's just what it is. Mine never was, never was. Uh, we have so many court documents where he even testified if he hit me once, he hit me 200 times. We have photographs that coincide with medical records, we have just witness statements, we have medical personnel affidavits, and then I actually wore a wire at one point after Faith was born. And I knew when he would try to come anywhere around, he didn't want to see her, he wanted to see me. And he would ask me to step out. And if I did, I kept him in the hallway, the main hall. I wouldn't go into a private hallway or staircase with him or anything like that, because at one point he jacked my shoulder out and dislocated it in the children's hospital. So I literally would keep him in main focus where I knew the cameras were. And security had pictures of him. And I'm very impressed with a lot of these kids' healthcare hospitals in regards to the not the doctors, some doctors, not all, but the security. This is something that they deal with and they know how to deal with it. Like they put us in a room with a different name on it and said that you know, she was a boy and he had to have our visitors had to be gowned completely to come in for safety reasons. And we were in a room that had a back door. So if we had to get out quickly, we could. The unit was locked down, there was security on the floor outside of the lock unit. They would, you know, if I wanted while the unit was closed to go get something out of the cafeteria, they would walk me down and have security with me. This was a really big deal, and they were phenomenal. And they literally had pictures of him at the entrances and and the parking decks. So these are things that you know are really amazing that these systems are in place and they work, those work, but when it comes to you know going to court, I had 17 and a half hours of audio confession because he would brag about it. He bragged about all the things that he's done and gotten away with. And because of a technicality, he walked on nine felonies, walked clear as day, he got away with it, and the system backed him up and patted him on the butt for it, and now he gets money every month for the rest of his life, and we got nothing. Zip zero zilch. And I'm sorry, that is completely and utterly screwed up. It is not okay. Nobody says, Oh, I'm gonna raise my hand and say, I want to be the battered wife, and I know that's very abrasive, and I apologize, but I'm being serious. Nobody says, I'll do it, I'll let them like pounce my head in, I'll let them just beat me to a bloody pulp. Nobody says this. So why is it we have to go and get beaten and battered and bruised, and then we get shuffled off like we don't matter all the way through the court system. It doesn't just end with the spouse, it keeps going. And then if they're incarcerated, which here is a statistic that will absolutely make you crap on yourself, one thousand events of sexual assault equals five criminal convictions. My husband saw those statistics too.
SPEAKER_01:I was gonna sleep out of my eyes.
SPEAKER_05:I'm boring you?
SPEAKER_01:No. Because that was at the end of the movie, I was waking up.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it said for every five convictions, there's a thousand assaults that nothing happens to. And when they do come out, if you know, from from going to jail and prison, which to me, if you've done this, you shouldn't get out. It's not fair. So let's look at it. You get incarcerated, you get three squares a day, health care, get education, you get taken care of, you get therapy, you get, you know, groups and blah blah blah. What do we get? The big finger as you walk out the door, right? And I have talked to people who say they're reformed, and that's a you know, I'm sorry, everybody has a right to their opinion. I don't believe you can be reformed. If you're gonna put your hands on a woman, a child, or a pet, I don't believe you can be reformed. You know, he said he was reformed, and then I found out he killed his other spouse and got away with it, as well as other individuals. And it's not, oh, she's saying that because she's bitter. It's she's saying that because it's fact. So explain to me how, and let's see what Michael says about this. Explain to me how somebody can be incarcerated. Let's say they get 10 years for rape, which I think is ludicrous because normally it's not anywhere near that, and it should be life. That's my opinion. They come out and they said, Oh, I did the time, I should be free. I should not have to have this over my head anymore. It's done. It, you know, I've I've done my time, whatever. It is not a book that gets to close and go on the shelf after 10 years, and you're done, and it's behind you, and it's over. Because we now have to learn, as survivors, how to do our everyday life in a total new way. Everything changes. Like I wouldn't even go outside to the trash when all this first happened without carrying a gun. Just to the trash can. Any noise made me jump. My husband is the only person to this date, and it's been decades, who can put his hands near my throat. This is probably, I would say, one of my only remaining triggers. I don't think I have that many anymore. Because I've been on a couch for decades, and I'll be the first to admit it. But what else is why is it the people who put us on the couch never believe they need to be on the couch? Like they don't believe they need therapy, they don't believe they need help. There's nothing wrong with them. But then they come out of being incarcerated and they believe everything is owed to them. What about the survivor? We when you're raped, and I'm so sorry you're sitting here hearing this. When you're raped, part of you dies during that event, and it never comes back. And it is so excruciating. And there is nothing to me, that is like the worst thing that can happen, right? Is is getting see, she agrees. There's nothing worse than that, right? When it comes to a woman. Try having it when you're pregnant, right? And you're begging and pleading for your unborn child's life, and then this sick bastard gets to like beg and plead and get money from the government for the rest of his life, no federal criminal or any kind of other charges put on him, and he's free and clear, getting to walk around and and you know, yeah, at the end of the day, he looks in the mirror and he's still his nasty, ugly self. But what does that do? How does that help rebuild the life of the individuals they try to destroy?
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely, it doesn't.
SPEAKER_05:So, how do you feel when somebody comes out and says, hey, I was just incarcerated, it's all behind me, now everybody owes me because I had to sit in jail for all this time, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_01:So I'll, as you know, I was in jail for four years, four and a half years.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, let's specifically state that you were not in the means of incarceration, you were an officer of the court. Well, you were not an officer of the court, you were actually like a a jailer.
SPEAKER_01:I was a sheriff's deputy. Correct. But I lived with the inmates for 12 to 16 hours a day. Okay, and that was pretty much six to seven days a week because of all the overtime they offered. So I watched them. I lived, lived in there. I talked to them. I mingled with them. Okay, because I had to go inside their their their little homes, their little jail cells. You know, they're they're their pods. I had to go in there, talk to them. Okay, what's your problem today? What what can I do? How can I help? What do you need? Okay, yes, we'll get your medication. Okay, I'll move your bug to this one since you you disagree with your cellmate. Okay, it's time for a cell search. I'm looking for contraband. Alright. So I dealt with men, okay? We did have separate units for females, but I didn't deal with females, I dealt with the men. The men were housed in a pod with let's say fifty other men or forty-nine other men. Okay. If I'm thrown in i i if I'm thrown into jail for allegedly raping and I'll go into jail for a year because after that I'm going to prison, right? Once you're convicted. I'm around a bunch of men. Okay There's not much that you can do inside there. Alright? And it there's no consensual sex in jail. It's all rape. Okay. Even if two guys say, hey, let's get it on, it's still rape. There's no consensual sex. So there's a thing inside the jail called institutional homosexuality. Okay? Or situational homosexuality. They're not gay when they come to jail. But because they're limited to certain anatomy parts, they lean towards the homosexual tendencies. Okay. What the what about celibacy? They can do that and they can just pleasure themselves in. So you're asking me if the if they come in there and and they can be changed after a year?
SPEAKER_05:No, that's let's just say that's a year and then they're transferred to prison.
SPEAKER_01:But oh, it's gotta be even worse than pr in prison.
SPEAKER_05:Right, but I'm just saying these people come back and out, and they're like, oh, everybody owes me because I had to be in this box and all this. And a lot of other people will say that incarceration is inhumane. What is humane about sexually assaulting an individual? What is humane about raping? And you know, we can have this discussion all day, and I've actually gotten hate mail about this before, and I just I just deleted it. But because everybody has the right to opinion, right? And I've responded to a few of them, and I was like, I'm very sorry that you and I don't agree with this, but I wish you the best of luck. I'm not gonna, you know, harp on the fact that we don't see things eye to eye on this. However, people are very strong opinionated when it comes to like if you're in jail, then that's inhumane. The lethal injection is inhumane. I would love somebody who has such an incredibly strong stance about this to come on and have a conversation with the both of us. Because here's the thing. And I can have a conversation with someone that I completely disagree with and say at the end of the day, we can still be friends, right? We can still be friends. We just obviously cannot have a conversation and discuss this specific topic. But I have talked to people that say it is inhumane to lethally inject someone to death. Okay, let's take Joey bag of donuts. And Joey bag of donuts is going to be executed at 1201 by lethal injection. People are up in arms about it. It's not right. It's inhumane. First of all, we give you your favorite dinner before you go to bed. And I say call it to bed because you're laying down. Yes, they strap you in. And anybody who's had surgery, it's kind of like the same thing in a way, because they strap you in and they give you something, you know, to kind of put you down to sleep. And then your heart stops and it's over, right? It's like dun dun dun. When Joey Bagadonuts, let's say he's got the death penalty for kidnapping and murdering a child. Okay. And now imagine, even though you've been so strongly opinionated about it's inhumane, imagine being that child's mom or that child's dad, who came to find out that this monster did these unforgivable, unimaginable things to your little girl. Say she's three or four. You're never gonna walk her down the aisle at your wedding, at her wedding. You're never gonna see her graduate. You're never gonna see your grandkids from her because this sick son of a bitch took away her life, her whole world, and yours, right? This wasn't just a one-person thing. He destroyed y'all's world. And to do this to a three, four, five-year-old, and to have people argue that it's inhumane is beyond my comprehension. And like I said, people can say all day long it's inhumane, it's inhumane, but if it happens to their kid, I guarantee their stance will change a thousand percent. Because I don't believe that it is okay. I don't, I don't agree with the lethal injection because let's just say, and this is a hard conversation tonight, but it needs to be had, and I'm not gonna go into gory graphic situations, but let's just, you know, the fact of the matter is if you even have a young child and you know that he's done these things to your child anyway, it's disgusting and graphic without having to get into specifics. So your little girl who's crying and begging for mom and dad, crying and screaming, I want my mommy, I want my daddy, whichever is being said, isn't getting that opportunity to quietly go to sleep and never wake up. She is tortured and injured and just, I can't even go through what these sweet little innocent children who asked for nothing endure. So the victim of Joey Bag of Donuts didn't get to say, Hey, put me to sleep and I won't wake up. They could have been tortured for hours, they could have been tortured for half an hour. And let me tell you from personal experience, a 10-minute session of he used to call them sessions, a 10-minute abuse ordeal feels like a week. At some point, you're just like, let it be over one way or another. Just let it be done. I can't do this. So imagine a little kid, imagine your kid screaming and crying, I want my mommy, I want my daddy. And then tell me, if you close your eyes, unless you're driving, if you close your eyes and imagine looking in the rearview mirror and seeing your toddler in that back seat in this predicament, God forbid, and screaming, I want my mommy, I want my daddy. And you can't get to them, you can't save them, you can't help them. And then that baby never gets to come home and graduate kindergarten or first grade or elementary or middle school, and you don't get to go see the plays and the bands and sports and all of those things. Do you really think that son of a bitch deserves a lethal injection? That is my question. I mean, what is your take? What is your thoughts? He's looking at me with this look.
SPEAKER_01:You know my thoughts. I'm very raw on this.
SPEAKER_05:What about for the people who haven't heard?
SPEAKER_01:So I believe it was uh God four weeks to a month, month and a half ago. You mentioned a story that I believe it was an uncle came into the house or was babysitting uh an infant. Do you recall this? Of course. I I don't remember the specifics, but needless to say, the uncle split the child wide open. Yes. And the and and the infant, I don't know, a couple weeks old, a couple months, I don't know. But died. Yes. Because of blood loss, obviously.
SPEAKER_05:But not just blood loss, but the child was under a month old, and the child had literally been split. I mean, think about it, it was a little girl, and he literally split her in half in her private parts as he raped her. I mean, he tore her organs. He tore all of that in there. I mean, think about how little a month-old baby is. And when she got to the hospital, you know, she was bruised and and had blood all over her and down her little cute, sweet feet legs, and and there was nothing they could do. This is why I couldn't go into being a doctor in pediatrics, because I would I would be I would go to jail for like knocking this guy out, right? Because the uncle showed up at the hospital. He actually showed up at the hospital to be with his sister, who is the baby's mom. And they didn't know till later that he'd been the one to do it.
SPEAKER_00:I see.
SPEAKER_01:I'm all about castration, full castration, just rip his shit off.
SPEAKER_05:Well, in Alabama, they do chemical castration now.
SPEAKER_01:I'm talking about a damn claw machine ripping his junk off.
SPEAKER_05:But see, we've had people argue we had a pedophile come on, our show. Oh, yeah. And he argued that it is unconstitutional and inhumane for chemical castration because what if they want to have kids? If you are a pedophile, you do not deserve to have a child. You don't deserve to have a child. You know, and then it's inhumane to chemically castrate. Are you kidding me?
SPEAKER_01:So I I know I know that's not your forte. The the type of movies that you and Faith watch, my daughter and I watch everything.
SPEAKER_05:They like to watch Saul, okay? Like they watch the whole series of Saul. I go downstairs and I'm like, what are you watching? Oh mom, look. There is the arm being amputated, and I just raise my nub up, and I'm like, Oh, thanks. I I hope you enjoyed that. I'm going back to work.
SPEAKER_01:So this this is kind of a runoff, okay? I spit on your grave. I know you didn't see that movie. I know you didn't see any of the movies. No. Okay. I spit on your grave is a is about a female who becomes sexually assaulted by several men. Okay. They leave her for dead.
SPEAKER_05:You watch this with my child?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes. They leave her for dead. You watch this with my child? Yes. And she enacts vengeance upon them in the manner that the punishment fits the crime.
SPEAKER_05:But I bet she ended up going to jail at the end of this.
SPEAKER_01:No, she got away with all of it.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, this was obviously fiction.
SPEAKER_01:But what was done to her was done to each individual according to what they did to her. Okay. That uncle should have had his stuff removed. Forever. Okay? I don't care if you're pissed out of a straw. I don't I don't know how what they do to patch it up, I don't care. But you can poop out of a bag. Okay. And then he should die. Okay? Get rid of his junk.
SPEAKER_05:Think about the people you're saving from going through all of this trauma if that happened. Because I would like somebody to say to me, okay, I know somebody who unfortunately, God forbid, sexually assaulted one person and never did it again. Right? That's like almost impossible to find. You know, I heard so many times, why did you make him do it? Why did you make him mad? Why didn't you just give what he wanted? Da-da-da-da-da. Right? It must have been you. You must have not given him what he needed. You know, you're not being supportive. It's really hard on everything he's going through, blah, blah, blah. This has to be a situational thing. It's an environmental reaction. Well, let me find out later on that this has been habitual with every partner he's ever had that I didn't even know about till we got to court. And it's not a one-time thing. It's like somebody saying, like, I talk to the most beautiful women who have no idea when they say to me, Well, he's only hitting me, he's not hitting my kids. It is a matter of time. And my husband will tell you, as a man and as someone who has been in law enforcement 13 plus years, it is a matter of time. If they've hit the spouse, they're going to hit the kids. They're going to hit the dog. And these kids are used as pawns, right? They are used where it's like, oh, I saw you hit mommy. I don't want to go with him for the weekend. I saw how you talk to my mom. I don't want to go with you for the weekend. But then they do. They the courts make them go with the abuser. And they're like, well, he hasn't hit the kids. He's only hit the spouse. And they tried to do that shit with me. And I was like, wrong answer, my friend. Because they were like, well, you know, he hadn't hit her. Well, yeah, he did in stuff in his own way. You know, he included her trach. But he didn't hit her. He made her code. What where does this not, you know, resonate into your brain? And then they're like, well, you know, at first they said, well, we don't have a doctor here that will say that she isn't dying. So we're gonna let him have supervised visitation for one week at the hospital. Because I was going after termination of rights, and I got it. And that is not an easy thing to get. And so every afternoon he would show up for an hour, and I know he did it to get to me. I know he did. And that's when I would start recording. Because he would start talking to me and he would start trying to get me to like, he would be like, Hey, can I stay later? You know, how about we go be somewhere alone? You know, I had people calling me telling me that she'd passed, and I needed to authenticate it so that they could give him his insurance money he took out on her. He took out life insurance on her, right? Don't tell me this is a one-time thing that this monster's gonna do. It just that's not how it works. You know, our system is flawed beyond belief. And you know, when you go to jail, I don't, I'm sorry, I don't agree. And and I'm not trying to discredit you for what you did, babe. But like when you go to jail, if these idiots, these monsters say, and they have all this fan mail, like everybody wants to, you know, be with them, and that's just mind-blowing to me. But like when they're like, oh, I'm having a hard time, dude. Do you think I could get an extra whatever? Or, you know, you want to whine to me about anything? How does how do you like? I know you're trying to like, you know, prevent situations and all. And I understand that. I do, I get it. But I'm sorry, I don't think people in jail or in prison should be given the lavish things. People in jail and prison get treated better than old folks in a retirement and senior citizen community because there's so many assaults on the seniors in that community, right? So many. And a lot of time they're not given their food or given their medicine, or you know, the the people come in there and assault them and do horrible things, these people. But in jail, you can, you know, get your law degree, you can have health care, you're accustomed to all of these things, and you get, you know, food and you get all these other. How can people whine and and be like, oh dude, help me out, bro? You know, I'm having whatever issue or whatever. I'm sorry. I I think that it's not it shouldn't be a hotel. It it should not be like a over, you know, it shouldn't be a hotel experience.
SPEAKER_01:You can talk it at me like So I had the unfortunate circumstance of dealing with a lot of these pedophiles that were locked up in isolation, and I had to cater to them. I had to, you know, hey, what do you need? You know, what is it this time? Because they're they're in isolation almost 22 hours a day. You know, they they have they had to go to the dentist or whatever, you know, they'd be uh uh out in transport. But pretty much they're locked in their cell 24 hours a day, with very, very few exceptions.
SPEAKER_05:Then why do you see like on TV everybody's always in the game room? Because I'm sure that's what a lot of listeners are saying.
SPEAKER_01:These are pedophiles.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. I was just asking because I'm sure a lot of people are like, well, how come you always see on TV?
SPEAKER_01:For whatever reason, they're not put in gym pop.
SPEAKER_05:Because they're pet they're petrified to be in gym pop.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, I'm all for it.
SPEAKER_05:They are so afraid to be in gym pop because if you if you're in jail and you've murdered a cop, you're a hero. If you've hurt a kid, then you're like target practice, right? That's basically what it is.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they they were hated on by other inmates.
SPEAKER_05:But then you have these pedophiles that are just grouping together and talking about, well, how did you do it? What did you do? They're like in a resource overwhelm fountain of their own knowledge, right? How they come come out and get away with it in different ways that they didn't before. And the person we had come on argued that they don't believe they should have a sexual registry, uh, you know, and I'm sorry, I I absolutely think we need a sex registry, we need a domestic violence registry. I I don't think that, you know, if you are sexually assaulting a minor child, you don't have the right for shit. You don't.
SPEAKER_01:You know, that it probably the maybe there's some futuristic movies that are already done done this. Maybe some type of wristband or some alert that pops up on your phone that tracks the individual. So, hey, you got a pedophile within 100 feet of you, or you know, of the well, I guess it wouldn't be the school, or they're passing the school now.
SPEAKER_05:But here's the question you know, they they say, Oh, that dog is mad. It just came up and bit a kid. How could you bite a child? That dog needs to be put down immediately. Like, these are the same people who don't believe that lethal injection is they think it's inhumane. They don't think that it's fair, that that shouldn't be how they die. These are, you know, some of the same people. But if you have a dog who is foaming at the mouth and bites a child, these people will be like, that dog needs to go down, that dog needs to, you know, be euthanized. What is the difference in the dog biting a child and a man hurting a child? I mean, it's just depending on where they seek their teeth into, literally, and that's a metaphor. But I mean, seriously, if you're gonna hurt a child, you the I mean, literally do not deserve to be walking this planet. How do you hurt an innocent little child? My family laughs at me, my daughter and my husband laugh at me because you could have me see a baby, I don't care where it is. We could be in a restaurant and a little baby comes in and I got my eyes on her because I love kids. I do. I I would have had 15 more if I could have. And to see that and see the kids, and you know, my dog, my husband is the dog whisperer, he can get any dog to come up and love all over him, and I'm not referring to his exes, but but I I'm like that. I can have a crying baby near me and I'll pick up that baby and the baby stops, right? And it's like, oh so cute. I don't understand how you can look in the eyes of a child and harm them. I just I can't. You know, this show is unscripted, so I'm gonna do this to my husband, and he's gonna be like, What? What I want you to imagine. No, I mean, looking in the eyes of Faith when she's a baby. No, I'm being serious. I I had the worst nightmares about this. Because he and it it's in Who Kicked First, it's because that's you know the memoir of what happened. He occluded her trach as she stared at him with tears coming down her eyes. She's not audible because she's a trach and she's not with a passing mirror valve, so she's unable to make noise. And you're watching the life go out of her. How can any human being his blood pressure is rising? How can any human being do that to a beautiful little baby?
SPEAKER_01:Now people are are picturing Faith as a normal baby.
SPEAKER_05:No, everybody knows that Faith was born with special needs. And she had a tracheostomy, she was preemie, and she fit in my hand.
SPEAKER_01:Did y'all hear that? She fit in my hand.
SPEAKER_05:She did.
SPEAKER_01:Not my hand.
SPEAKER_05:Well, we don't talk about that, do we?
SPEAKER_01:I've got a big freaking bear paw here. But my wife's got this little dainty hand. And she says faith fit in her hand. And for he's not even it's not even human, okay? Right. You said he is human? No, it's not human.
SPEAKER_05:No, I said it was inhumane.
SPEAKER_01:You said how can any human be inhumane?
SPEAKER_05:Okay. I didn't refer to him as human. I'm just saying in generality. Like, how could anyone do that?
SPEAKER_01:So to look down at this premature baby in your hand or I'm trying to do this to make a point.
SPEAKER_05:Imagine it being faith. That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. We go through these scenarios a lot because my wife and I, you know, we we don't we can't understand, we can't comprehend some of these mentalities that you know we come across. The narcissists, the pedophiles, the maps.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, yeah, because now they're no longer pedophiles. You have to identify them as a map.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:And you know what? Doesn't a map go into a little glass bottle with a little cork in it, and you throw it out to see.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I had to put a cork in it.
SPEAKER_05:Maps. Minor attracted persons. Are you kidding me? And you know, and I've been very upfront from day one. I don't care who you're with, as long as the person you're with does not put their hands on you in an unwarranted manner. I don't care if you're purple, green, black, green, white, yellow. I don't care. I don't care if you're gay, straight, and I hate, and I I hate this, and I apologize to everyone in the community. I heavily support the community, but every time I turn around, there's a new letter, and I'm old, and so I don't want to leave out any letter, but I know it's like the elder. LGBTQIA plus is the last I heard. So I don't want to insult anyone. I apologize if I forgot a letter. Because I can't keep up with all of it.
SPEAKER_01:What is IA?
SPEAKER_05:I don't remember.
SPEAKER_01:I haven't heard that one.
SPEAKER_05:Alexa, what does LGBTQIA stand for?
SPEAKER_03:LGBTQIA stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual or aromatic. The acronym represents a diverse community of people based on their sexual orientation and gender identity. Would you like to learn about the history of the LGBTQ?
SPEAKER_05:No. No, Alexa, thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Aromatic?
SPEAKER_03:Welcome, Solomon. Happy to help.
SPEAKER_05:She's nice to me. She doesn't like you so much. But I I try to include everybody in. And I don't care. I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if you're a lesbian. I don't care if you're transgender. I just people deserve to be loved and they deserve to be treated with respect and love. And nobody under any circumstance whatsoever should put their hands on you in an unwarranted manner. Ever. I don't care what the reason is. You know, if you're not happy and you're in a miserable section of your life, walk the hell away. Walk away. That's what makes you a man. That's what makes you a good person. Walk away. You know, if you walk up and punch somebody in the face because you're having a bad day, that makes you a coward. That does not make you a man. You know, that does not make you a man. And there is no reason for that. Because, and you know, I would tell people all the time, I don't care if I did everything by the book. It wouldn't matter. Somebody cut him off on the way back to the house, somebody gave him a hard time at work, somebody did whatever one of his mistresses said, Oh, I can't see you tonight. It would put him in a bad mood. And then I got the brunt of it. And I openly say this, and a lot of people don't understand, and I got a lot of ridicule for this. I openly stated that I was more than okay with him having women on the side. Because if he was out, then there's a there's a cycle that these abusers go through. And when he's out with the other women, he's in that beginning cycle. He's trying to be charming and charismatic, and he's trying to win them in and wheel them in at the same time. And so, not and and I was selfish, believe it or not. I didn't care because I knew they weren't getting hurt at that point. But if he wasn't at the house with me, he wasn't hurting me. He wasn't hurting my unborn, my unborn child. He wasn't putting his hands on me. And we didn't have consensual sex, but only a couple of times. And everything after that was a sexual assault. And people say he can't sexually assault you, he's your husband. Yes, he can. Yes, yes, yes, he can. And I actually said yes, by all means, I will never say a word. I would never look at another person. I've never cheated on anyone in my life. I couldn't even get to the bathroom with the door shut. So the point is, is that yes, I absolutely said, have at it. He was gonna do it anyway. And doing so kept him away from me. And so I did, absolutely. And you know, when I went to court, people grilled me for it. And I said, I don't understand how that doesn't make sense. Why don't people understand that? I'm saying, you know, go ahead. Then it stops me from being sexually assaulted, it stops me from having to go back to an emergency room, it stops me from being beaten in my sleep or whatever the case may be. And he goes and gets his rocks taken care of, or tiny minute pebbles, whichever. Tiny minute pebbles. But the the point is that he wasn't there and it gave me a breather, if you will. And I was criticized and ridiculed that I didn't, you know, I had no value, I had no whatever. People just, you know, you do what you have to do to survive, and most people don't understand that.
SPEAKER_01:And the Miranda case. Why is the the so-called victim badgered, belittled, just defaced, interrogated to the point that over and over again.
SPEAKER_04:It's not just one.
SPEAKER_01:They don't it it doesn't look like they're the victim anymore. It looks like they're some type of suspect, you know, and it's all their fault. Yes.
SPEAKER_05:So and the defense has all these different tricks that they do. Like, I mean, you know, in the movie, the prosecutor said this woman's been through everything and she's a sweet young girl. And he was like, I don't really care.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_05:And, you know, I tried on one of the times I was at court, I tried really strongly to compose myself and hold myself together. I was crying, of course, and whatever. And he, it was more of a question thing, and they put a picture of me, and they put a picture of him in front of me, and that's when I lost it. And they were like, See, you're not stable. And it's like, I want to know anybody who's been through one hit, one kick, I always say is too many, but when you've been through a dozen stabbings and you know, your high-road bone's been broken, and you've been strangled and suffocated and assaulted, and and you have scars in places that you don't ever want anybody to see, how you could actually say to someone that they're not stable after what they've been through. I just don't understand how it's always turned around on us and it's not on them. It's, you know, I'm so sorry that you're having to go and come to court and oh, the bitch wanted it, because you know, then she started saying no and it was hard to get or whatever. And oh, like she was fighting me, so I tied her hands up. And you don't see this going down to a pattern of something, you know. She said no. Well, she wasn't at first, she was into it, and then she said no. I don't care if it was right before the entry. She says no, you stop. Stop. She has the right to say no, he has the right to say no. A man has the right to say no. If you are a gay man or whatever the situation may be, and and he says no, it's no, it is a no, right? And then people say, Oh, it's so inhumane how they're treated, and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, I'm telling you, I don't wish anybody's kid to get hurt. I don't. But if that shit happened to you or your kid, and the thing is with the statistics, as high as they are, there's no way they don't know someone who's been through something. I mean, what are they saying? You deserve it because you stayed? I mean, they stayed because they didn't have anywhere to go. And maybe you do know Sally, who had been, you know, abused and we're just using a name. And you're one of those two, three, number two, three, or four or two or three that hadn't been good for you. God bless you for not being someone who went through it. But don't look at them and say, Well, you chose to stay, because now I'll be, I am that pit bull. I'll look at you and be like, Did you try to help? Did you offer them refuge? Did you offer them a place to go? Well, you know, I needed to keep my safety in check and and all that. Did you put them in a hotel for a day until you could get them into a center? You know, did you help them know that they were safe for a few minutes? Did you offer to, you know, there's a plethora of things you could do to help. Did you do any of them? Or did you just ridicule and criticize? Because I promise you we get enough of that without needing your input. I promise you. And we are isolated from everyone we know and everyone we care about. And so when we have those very few people that we are quote unquote allowed to have interaction with, we don't need to hear we deserve it, we stayed, we chose because we didn't, and we don't.
SPEAKER_01:No, I just I love you.
SPEAKER_05:I'm just passionate about it because I didn't have anyone. I know, you know, and so Shielded is done. It should come out here in the next couple of weeks. Healing from Narcissistic Abuse, a thousand and one questions has gotten some amazing reviews. So my husband gave me a bunch of crap about the fact that I did just finish another one. It's basically living with body dysphoria. And it's eight, excuse me, it's 801 questions. And it's about whether you are a teen or someone who's gone through weight changes, or someone who's had, say, cancer, or someone who's been in an accident, or burned, or had some surgery and got some scarring, or let's say a survivor of domestic violence, or someone in the LGBTQ community who doesn't, IA, sorry, I always forget, or someone who is trying to come out to friends and family, and what they see in the mirror isn't who they are. So I have done this book now, and it has questions in there for everyone in this area where it helps to show you that you are. I know it's coming, so sorry guys. It it helps you see the beauty from within of who you are and not hidden behind the scars. What? Not hidden behind the scars, not the the pain and suffering. My husband. Not the pain and suffering that you see and you go through every day. And I really love the cover. The cover took me a while. He's gonna say, What's a while? An hour?
SPEAKER_01:Is it a black pot and a black kettle?
SPEAKER_05:This isn't about you.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, like the mirror shows a heavier woman looking at a thinner woman, a woman wearing a trans top who's transitioning into a man, survivor of abuse, who is now empowered and is, you know, on the journey of healing. These are questions to help really help you in your healing journey. And then I made a decision earlier today. I love doing this to my husband where he has no idea. What?
SPEAKER_01:I'm waiting.
SPEAKER_05:The look on his face. Because you know, he's just I can't, I can't even say it. I am in the process of starting a collection of series books that I'm gonna create. I want to start with the my husband has his hands over his face. I want to start with a series of books and the collection, and they'll be for little kids, maybe the ages of like four to eight, where when people are always talking to them and questioning them, and you know, you can't say this, or can't go to school and say that, or they come home and it's a bad home life, and they're learning all these bad things, and they feel they have no one and they can't talk to anybody. These workbooks are gonna help them get through that and how they can see it, and it's gonna be done on their level, and it's gonna be a series of these books and workbooks so that they can do this. And then what are you doing?
SPEAKER_01:I'm I'm checking my calendar here to see when I can have a date with you.
SPEAKER_05:You have a date with our daughter tonight, it's movie night.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's been planned years ago. Okay, now I need to plan for the future of when I can see my wife since you have all these books lined up.
SPEAKER_05:It doesn't take me that long.
SPEAKER_01:Like I started obviously not since you wrote two books this week alone.
SPEAKER_05:Not every week is like that.
SPEAKER_01:What you write four?
SPEAKER_05:No, you know, March, we're on the cover of Podcast International. That's an awesome thing. I'm very excited about that, and I'm very grateful for this opportunity.
SPEAKER_01:All right. I I've got a question for you since we're off air.
SPEAKER_05:We're not off air.
SPEAKER_01:We'll go ahead and end this. No, end it. No, thank y'all for listening to the contagious smile podcast. I didn't say you had to click it off, but this is where we ended it. Uh, this is where doing the Tomahawk chop. What's it called? The end credits or whatever. You don't have to shut it off. They may want to hear this. Okay. Thank y'all for listening to Contadious Smiles Podcasts makes no sense with Victoria and Michael. Now here's my question.
SPEAKER_05:We're still recording.
SPEAKER_01:I better you you can record it. I better preface this. Yeah, Lauren. So you had me. I was subpoenaed probably. I I don't remember just so long, to come to court with you. Yes. And your abuser was there. Yes. Okay. A lot of people know this. And if they read if they have read your first book, Who Kicked First, I'm sure it's in there, right? Yes. That's one book I will not read, y'all. Anyway. Of my menu. My wife has this eighth wonder of the world question. Okay. Is this my Valentine's gift? No. I don't want to get into that. Okay. But I come to I I showed up in court as a police officer. Okay?
SPEAKER_00:That's how I was to represent. And this abuser Okay went to the bathroom. And I gotta followed him to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_01:Now my wife's question is what the eighth wonder is what did I say to this individual? Okay. Now to this day, y'all, I don't remember.
SPEAKER_05:Why are you identifying that as an individual?
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Here's my question.
SPEAKER_00:What I want to know. No. If I confronted him in the bathroom I'd better sinner. Why didn't he do anything to me?
SPEAKER_01:Why didn't he attack me?
SPEAKER_00:Because he's a coward little bitch.
SPEAKER_05:He hated you.
SPEAKER_01:Like hated me. That's what I'm getting at. You. He hated me so much. Yes. And I was there to support you. Yes. Why didn't he do anything?
SPEAKER_04:Well, you were in uniform.
SPEAKER_01:Oh so what? He had a uniform.
SPEAKER_00:He had a military uniform. And a military law enforcement uniform. Where do you get he had a military law enforcement uniform?
SPEAKER_01:Didn't he uh portray himself as an MP?
SPEAKER_05:Well he portrayed himself as secret, I mean as uh uh special forces. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So if this individual was such a badass. We know he wasn't a man. I I never I never I never thought until you said something about how these individuals, you know only pray on the week. Thank you. And I'm not a big scary guy.
SPEAKER_05:You're six like six three and you were like two thirty and you were just solid. Why?
SPEAKER_01:You ever thought about that? Why why didn't he do anything?
SPEAKER_05:I can tell you because he's a coward little bitch. He openly stated in court he would never have raised a hand to me because he knew about my martial art background if I wasn't pregnant.
SPEAKER_01:Then how did you get your dislocated shoulder in the children's hospital?
SPEAKER_05:Because I had a blood clot in my leg.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05:I was still in a wheelchair.
SPEAKER_01:She was she was born.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. But I was still dealing with injuries that had not put me back to even half of my normal strength yet. I mean, I was still in a wheelchair.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:I had to keep my leg elevated. My shoulder had been dislocated so many times by him already, it just popped out with hardly any impact at that point.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that was it. What do you think you would have said if you had to think about it?
SPEAKER_05:I remember distinctly when you first met him. No, when you first met him, before I even tied the knot of marriage to this jackass, he hated you and he met you, and you said to him, I love this woman. And I just kept saying, Then take me back. Like I just kept looking at you like, just take me away. Like, come on. And this was actually me for the first time in my life trying to play the jealousy card, hoping you'd be jealous and take me back, right? I had I and I was very upfront that I did not love him. He said, Oh, you can grow to be in love with me, but you have this wall up and you're still hooked on him, and yada yada yada. And you looked at him and said, This is probably the best human being you'll ever meet in your life. And I remember it distinctly. And I could tell you where we were, and I'll tell you when we're not recording. And you stood there and you said, if you harm one hair on her head, I will kill you. And that's what you said to him. And he just had this look on his face. And I watched you leave, and I so badly wanted to go after you, and he wouldn't let me. He would not let me. Like he was just like, let him go, let him go. And I mean, I was like, come back, just come back. I so badly wanted you to come back. But I remember that. You said this woman is like the best you'll ever find. And and you said I screwed up and I lost her. And if you so much as hurt a hair on her head, I'll kill you. And like every part of me was just like, I'm right here. And I remember that verbatim.
SPEAKER_01:I got nothing to say that. I I I wish I could change the past. But if had things happen differently, we wouldn't be on the air talking about this. When somebody else somebody out out there needs this. Yes. Okay, now that's a wrap. For real.
SPEAKER_05:Good night, guys, and we will be podcasting again tomorrow since my husband was a little late in recording for this week. So we will talk to y'all soon. Keep safe out there.
