What Protects A Victim When Power Looks The Other Way

A toga on the cover and a chiropractor who sends Michael flying might sound like pure chaos, but the laughter is only the doorway. We use that breath of humor to step into what really matters: building a trauma‑informed academy that protects survivors with layered security, clear boundaries, and scholarships that remove financial roadblocks. We share why we refuse rapid‑fire conversation formats—because healing needs time and trust—and how our platform’s multi‑step authentication, hidden profiles, and strict no‑soliciting policy were designed to keep abusers out and survivors safe.

From there, we move into hard truths about power, image, and accountability. Victoria previews Shielded, a book calling out the systems that fail victims, and recounts a courthouse-and-hospital chapter where a mother drew a line no abuser could cross. We contrast performative “family” brands with real integrity, talk about job loss for choosing honesty over upsells, and explain why our mission relies on sponsors and small donations to keep access open to anyone in crisis. Awards are nice; safety is the point.

We also break down narcissistic parenting with practical clarity: cold museum-houses dressed in money, broken boundaries, relentless control, and the golden child vs scapegoat trap that turns siblings into strangers. Under the polish sits insecurity and entitlement. Against that backdrop, we model a different path with a tender mother–daughter exchange about apology, repair, and unconditional love—language that addresses choices without wounding the person. And we make a rare invitation: if you are an abuser willing to speak on record with respect, we’ll listen, ask hard questions, and shine light where silence keeps harm alive.

If this conversation resonates, join the academy, explore free collections, or request a scholarship so cost never stands between you and safety. Support the work with a “buy me a coffee,” subscribe for future episodes, and share this with someone who needs a reminder: boundaries are love in action.

Transcript

Laughs, New Cover, And Chiropractor Chaos

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Now howdy y'all. Welcome to another episode of Contained Smiles Unstoppable. Michael and Victoria. Ratchia.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Ratchia. Howdy, y'all. Y'all have to check out the new picture from our podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

You know, the little of my gunshot wound.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Oh my god, here we go with that crap again. The the I took Michael to the chiropractor today, and let me tell you, he was like, A woman, a woman is gonna be able to crack me. Really? A woman. Like, here we go with that, you know, crap again.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

You stated she was a little woman. There were two. She was little.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

And she whooped your ass. You came off that table.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

I thought she was gonna break my neck.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

That was hilarious. Faith and I almost peed ourselves because you in Faith's words, these were Faith's words. Dad, you acted like a little bitch. That was kind of funny. I mean, here is girl who you didn't think could handle you, and she got you off that table. That was pretty fun. So yeah, anyway, the no, our new icon picture for this podcast happens to have you in like a toga.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Oh my god. Did you really post it?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Of course I really posted it. It's hilarious. I mean, my husband is dressed in a blanket.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

It is hilarious. I think it's great.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

And where is it? Everywhere. Everywhere. Of course it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

It will be.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

We have like 30 different platforms.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Yeah. So it it will be everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

So you know, I'm so excited because as you know, we've released book one of the stucco squad that has come out. And that's amazing. And then the podcast magazine just came out. What do you think of that one?

SPEAKER_02 1:59

You're talking to me?

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah, I'm talking to you. Is that the one I read? No. The podcast magazine where I may be on the oh that one.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

That's why I asked which one.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

So my wife, y'all, my wife is a beautiful, beautiful woman. And her writing is just beyond beautiful. She is she had such a way with words. And I believe that's why if y'all pick up her first book, Who Kicked First, on Amazon.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Don't critique me by the grammar, because that's not what it was for.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

How she draws the reader into whatever the hell you're reading. And it is it is so amazing. And I love to read her work.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

What does that have to do with the c cover of the magazine?

SPEAKER_02 2:46

The same magazine that she had words with.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

In the Unstoppable Woman magazine in April, which they allowed me. Well, I wrote the article and I asked my husband to actually read it.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Y'all, I I had tears of eyes. I'll I I didn't tell her that at first. Yes, you did. You said, Oh my god, you stop me. It's because you write so beautiful. It's just it you you're such a poet. And I've got to be a good thing. And I didn't know it. Our daughter Faith gets it from. Who who I might mention on air has watched more romantic comedies. She's gonna whoop your ass this year alone than the past five years.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

She's gonna whoop your ass. Writing she's written two romantic poetry. Only two.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Only two. So we're seeing a little change in her from the dark side. She's not been on the dark side.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

She's really into the okay, she likes like criminal psychology profiling. She follows her mom. Like that's not dark. That's intellectually advanced.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

So I posed a question to my wife tonight after listening to a podcast from one of my wife's people that she met at one time, and their podcast was on.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Don't say who it is because you don't like you didn't like how this format. It's very popular.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Their their program was like Spitfire Question Answer. Question answer, question answer.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Rapid fire, you mean? Huh? You mean like a rapid fire QA? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

And you know, when it comes to my wife Victoria and I, we're not like that. And you know, do we get critiqued for it? Maybe. Do I know about it? No. You don't check your email. Should I? Yes. Yes. I I apologize.

Rapid-Fire Shows Vs Our Deep-Dive Style

Academy Growth And Content Standards

Safety By Design: Multi-Step Protection

Scholarships, Privacy Choices, And Trust

SPEAKER_01 4:47

But um And I want to apologize on left field one second before I forget. Yeah, that I won't forget. But in the academy today, there's been like just in within an hour period, we had like 15 or 20 new members within an hour. And they are like, they're legitimate people. They are real people. I've gone in there and authenticated the person, but they're posting things I don't approve of. And they're not X-rated, they're not, they're just not in line with what we do. That doesn't mean anything bad about them. That doesn't mean anything bad about who they are, what they do, what they support, what they're about. It's just not in a line for the academy. So that is why this is gonna, you know, be those will be taken down. But what I really loved is my husband today said to me, Oh my God, because I said to him, Could you go on there and see what is you know visual for everybody? And he, I guess, well, just like email he unchecked it in a while. So he goes in there and it's authenticating. And I have a multiple-step process for any user to come on to the academy. And he was like, It's asking me a question. And he was like, It's asking me another question for security to get in. And and I said, Yes. And I said, here's why. Because let's say, God forbid, your home and your abuser or your spouse comes in and sees that that in your history, right? Well, it's called a contagious smile academy for a reason. And if they try to access it, they cannot access your plan if you're signed out, they cannot access whatever course you're on if you have signed out. So they would need authentic, you know, they would need to authenticate who you are by secret question answers in order to get to that next level. Well, the reason we did that is so that if Butthead tried to find out where you were, he can't. So he won't know if you're in there learning how to set up a safety plan or learning how to escape and get your kids out safely. So it's an extra layer of protection for you. So I just want to give you that reassurance because I realize we've never mentioned that before, but it is out there just an extra step to keep you safe. So, anyway, we will be handling all of those extra ads or whatever. But if you are a member, once you are a member, if you have not joined yet, please do. But there is a plethora of courses and collections. There is stuff for the stucco squad that works really well with the series of books that are coming out. We have Phoenix Rising for the survivors of any type of abuse, not just physical, but sexual, narcissist, emotional, financial, all of the abuse. We have Caregiver Collection, we have for vets, and those are also all free. We also show how we've done our numbers in social media. Those are a little more because the people who would do that are not normally the ones who'd come in for the abusive courses. But we have given over 510 scholarships as of right now, and I'm really, really proud about that. And you have the choice when you join whether or not to have your profile seen. And you can use a fictitious name. So you can come in there and sign up as Joey Bag of Donuts or whatever you want, and you can let yourself be seen so that when you are out there, other people can reach out to you and maybe help support you along the way. And you could reach out to other members and gain a resource with someone else and help each other. But then there's also the opportunity to be hidden where no one sees you but me. And not even my husband has the approval from me to see who else is in there once they've elected to be hidden. And my husband will tell you that when I'm counseling and treating clients, that I don't discuss it. It is strictly between that person and myself. I don't discuss it with anyone at all. I take it incredibly seriously. I even lock down all of the notes. Nobody can access my information. I am very protective of the people I work with and work for. So just for that, oh and heads up. And you know, my husband, my computer is locked down like Fort Knox, and my husband doesn't even know how to get into it. And I do that for your protection because we know what it's like not to feel safe and all of your stuff is. And I trust my husband with my life. I trust my husband with my child's life, but I also trust your information and your confidentiality. And if you've ever spoken to me one-on-one, you know my number one priority is your comfort and your confidential information, stay safe. So know that. And that's another reason for joining the academy. But I know I kind of went off in left field, but I realize we never said that before. And it's really important to know that you're safe, that you have a place that you can go and identify because it's it's trauma. We have won an inner we've won international awards for being the first trauma-informed based academy. We've also won awards internationally from Evergreen and and Biz Weekly and Best of the Best and Insider Weekly and Women's. I mean, the the list goes on and on for the Academy being the place to go. So don't let the fact that the value of the courses financially doesn't coincide with the value of the course monetarily, because the one thing I don't want is I don't want you to not be able to get in there because of financial reasons. I don't want you to get in there and not gain access because you have to decide I have to put gas in my car and food in our bellies, or take this course. It's not an option. You do what you need to do for your family and this will be taken care of. So that is so important. And that's why we do this for what we do. But we are looking for sponsors because this is getting so big that to pay for what we're doing every month is coming out of pocket and we're paying for it ourselves as we have from Inception. But as y'all know, Michael was fired from that stupid garage door company because of FMLA violation, which is another whole different topic. And it's so funny because they say they're family-oriented and they're family company. If you go on their website, they've been family company owned for like 100 or 200 years or some bogus bullshit, but it's like not even 25 or 30 years, and they're all about family and blah, blah, blah, blah, and yada, yada yada, and they can go suck a blowhorn because they're full of shit. So, anyway, yeah, so they fired him for taking care of his father, and that's stupid. And also because they were mad at him because he wouldn't go in there and take people's money who didn't have it, and he he's not like that. And so they actually ridiculed him and belittled him for not upselling to people who needed it when they didn't need it, the company wanted it. Anyway, so seasons change. There's your code word for your garage door thing for the moment. One day I'm just gonna spit out, you know, how there's four seasons and let me let me take a step back here, Victoria.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Those of y'all who recently signed up for the Mighty Networks Academy under Contagious Smile, I understand some of those were bots because I see a lot of solicitation for whatever company name that that they were under, okay? It's not that we don't want companies coming into our academy.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

We have companies. We do have some.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

But when you come in and you solicit for your company, I won't have it. That's not what this platform is about. You can do that everywhere else in the world on any other platform, not ours, except for this academy, okay? We welcome you. I I did ask those individuals, I I commented it, hopefully they read it, that uh this type of solicitation is not allowed. We've given you several hours to try to retract that, and we're gonna go ahead and and block that or remove and delete that that part out of the feed.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

We'll delete it. That's your warning, and then if you post again, then we'll remove the move the member. But I mean, we do have clinics, hospitals, big, we have a couple of Fortune 500 companies that are in here and they're authentic, they're just using that uh as a shell for who they are as a person. Right. And I have no problem with that.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Right.

Awards, Access, And Seeking Sponsors

SPEAKER_01 13:30

I have no problem with it. But I just want you to think if you're the one out there and you're listening and this was something that you did, you know, we're not mad, but we don't accept it. And here's the thing God forbid your daughter, if you have two daughters, one of your daughters, your spouse, your sister, your mother, God forbid gets abused. And it's it's an ex it's it's a life-changing situation. And they finally say, I'm worth healing, I'm worth getting help. And they find the platform and they go on it, and their wounds are fresh, and they haven't dove into how to bring that light back. And I'm here to tell you that even the smallest flicker of life can start a wildfire, and that's what we do. We're gonna bring that light back and show you just how amazing you are and what a survivor and warrior you are. But you go in there and you're looking at all the 150 plus, and I got I honestly I have another like 120 to add. I just haven't done it yet. I'm a little busy, I just a little. But you go on there and you're like, okay, yeah, I understand this. I get it. Okay, I'm gonna start with this one, and then this ad comes up for carpet cleaning or motor sports, right? And you're like, what? No, no, that's not gonna happen. And so we're gonna take that down, but just realize that if that was your child, you know, we already try to make these resources free. And even if you go to the website at contagious smile.com, in every state, we have identified a moving company that will move you for free. They are all of these resources out there. We don't want to muddy the waters by putting anything out there that isn't authentic in alignment with what we do. So that's all I got to say about that.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

Yeah, very good. What's next? That was the Academy. We had a great dinner. We just got back from dinner.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

And the magazine cover is out.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Magazine's out, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

That is out. Next month will come out that someone you know is in the top 20 most empowering people of 2026. That's coming out.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

I wonder who that will be. Um and if you don't know, y'all always Google Victoria Cure and look on Amazon for any books written by Victoria Cure. Okay. She just published her first stucco squad, book one. It's out.

Job Loss, Integrity, And Company Values

Anti-Soliciting Policy And Member Respect

Keeping Spaces Safe From Distractions

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Book two is is on the way. There are ten in this particular series. And I'm so excited because I am 30% done with book ten. And uh what it is is but what I love about book ten is it's kind of like a graduation into the next series, and it's going from the stucco squad series to the stucco society series, so it's more like a club. This is gonna be for ages seven to ten, and they're graduating, so they have a helper come in, and his name is Silas, and in this book, book 10, Silas puts them into situations where they have to use all of the knowledge they've learned through one through nine, which is so much fun, right? And like the worry monster and how they use the brave button and how they do this and that, and it's I love it, I love it, you know, and it's so much fun. I love these books, they do coincide with the Stecko Squad courses as well. Those will come out. The book I did that is called Shielded is probably gonna come out this weekend. It should be out this weekend. I've had a few people that ask me, you know, how brave am I to be so brass to do this? Like, how big are my cojones to do this book? But you know, the more and more like that that the Miranda Law book, a movie we watched, you know, Jody Foster did one called The Accused back in like the 80s, right? Where she was violently gang raped on a pinball machine, and the government didn't help her, right? Like everybody turned away from her and and didn't back her up. And you know, you go back and think about it, this has been going on for decades and decades and decades. It's just getting more dominant. Like it's and when I mean dominant, I mean it's just so more profound right now. Like every time you turn around, you hear about it more than you did then. At least now you're hearing about it, which I don't know if that makes it better or worse because it's bringing awareness to it, but there's no change to the awareness. So these jack-offs are getting away with it, and we're hearing about it, but we are not doing what's right. And so this book, Shielded, is about how the government, including law enforcement, doesn't protect as it should, as it should. And it happens more than anybody has any idea. It really does. And that's scary and sad, and they're not held accountable. And the thing is, is that you know, my husband and I both have law enforcement background, both of our families are all, you know, previous military law enforcement, and that's what made it so much more authentic and easier for me to write was especially on my end, because my sperm donor was in law enforcement and literally didn't do a doggone thing. So you would think that, like an officer's daughter, an officer's son, somebody who's been through some sort of abuse or whatever, you would think that the severity would really match the crime, but it doesn't always. A lot of times it does not. And I think they should be held accountable, right? I mean, if if people can be accused and held for conspiracy to commit a crime and they're involved in it, then they should be held just as accountable, you know. If you know it's going on and you don't do that, how do you do that? I mean, literally, how can you psychologically, and this is kind of bringing into the topic I wanted to talk about tonight, how can you psychologically know that one of your children is getting abused and you not only do you do nothing, not only do you do nothing, but you reward them, you reward the abuser. And not only do you reward the abuser with their, you know, like monetarily and and taking them here and there and doing whatever, but you know this is going on with your own flesh and blood, and you don't do a doggone thing. How do you do that? Because I'm and anyone who knows me knows that if you touch any of our kids, game over. It is game over. I mean, there's no question. Yet the idea, I mean, everybody knows how protective I've always been of faith. You know, there was a period of time, and I go through it in Who Kicked First, where while I was going through the termination of rights, idiot told the judge she was going to die. I had nurses in the courtroom with me, and the doc the judge says, Is there a doctor here? And there was not. And the nurses said, Well, we're taking care of her, but you can't diagnose. So you can't tell me in your own words under oath that you are certain without a medical doubt, because you haven't diagnosed her, that she is or she's not gonna make it. So they gave him one week of visitation with a law enforcement officer present. And I agreed for it to be in the worst times because he hated traffic, he didn't want to be anywhere near traffic. So you best believe I made it during rush hour. So he'd have to fight it every step of the way. And when he would get there, all he wanted was me. He wanted me. He wanted to make me unhappy. He knew and he openly admitted in court. If I wanted to do anything to hurt her, it's to get to her. It's to get to faith. Because I've done everything to Victoria. And nothing obviously took her out. So literally, the only thing he didn't do was pull that trigger that day. Everything else has been done. He knew the way to hurt me back then was to get to her. And he was given the visitation. And literally, I had both hands at the time. You would have had to claw my dead corpse hands off of the door frame before I would have let him in there to her. I mean, the first time he came, he came in. We were still legally together and he brought his girlfriend. He wanted to bring her in. I had full custody, full decision-making rights. He wanted to bring the girlfriend in. And I was like, You have gone just out of your marbles. She's not coming in this room. She's not touching my kid. This is absolutely not going to happen. So had a security had to get involved, blah, blah, blah. And they said she has rights. You only have visitation. You're not bringing the girlfriend in. He was furious. I said, you know, I don't even want her on the campus, but I can't prevent that. It's public. But she's not coming anywhere near the room, period. So she had to go in the waiting room. And then he was like, fine, I want to bathe faith. I want everybody out of the room. And I was like, there is no way in God's green creation that this is about to happen. He wanted to close the curtain and bathe her. And I said, You are out of your mind. I'm going to jail because I'm not letting it happen, right? It's not going to happen. And here I am at that point. My jaw was still popping in and out of location. It was constantly dislocated. My shoulder was constantly dislocated. I had to have surgery for both. I wouldn't have them at this point. My foot had to be reset constantly. I had more injuries than I still had a blood clot. I had all of these injuries. But you would have never gotten past me, no matter what, to touch her. It wouldn't have happened. So knowing that, and then knowing that there are parents out there who wear the badge, wear the uniform, regardless of the uniform, and can turn around and not give two rats asses that their own child is being hurt, I can't fathom. I cannot fathom it. It makes no sense to me at all. So, and here's the other catch to this, babe. You know, when all this was happening and seven days was offered for visitation, not once was my sperm donor there during those seven days of visitation. And it was like an hour at a time, right? So you better believe that if God forbid that had been well, first of all, the minute I found out something happened to Faith, this would have been done. But how can you, as a dad, I'm gonna ask you, how could you as a dad or a grandfather know that this son of a bitch is going to be there and then not be there at the same time? How can you do it?

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Nope.

Celebrating Wins And Teasing Honors

Stucco Squad Series And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 25:20

I mean, my sperm donor was wouldn't even show up on the grounds during the visitation. He wouldn't be there when he was there. And when he was there, it was hey, let's go for a walk, let's go talk, let's go, you know, whatever. But he, my own sperm donor, wouldn't be there during that week of visitation. And on that last day, and if you want to know more about it, you're gonna have to get who kicked first because I'm not gonna give you all of the information. On the very last day of the visitation, his time was up and I was like, all right, you're out, let's go, you're done, right? And every part of me was trying to be that you need to see I'm that that mom, I'm not playing with you, I'm not pregnant anymore. Let's go. He bowed up at me at the nurses station, right? And I'm gonna be honest, a part of me was like, just do it, do it and be done. I'm never gonna hit you first. I testified I would never hit him first because he openly said in court he was afraid because of my martial art training, and that I did make a deal with him, that I would never hit him back as long as he didn't hit my stomach. That's gospel, that's the truth. I did say that, but I wasn't pregnant anymore. And I made an a statement in court, I would never hit him first, I'd never seek his place of employment or his residence or anything like that. But if he came at me or my child, I had the right to protect myself and my daughter as we are both disabled. I have the right to stop the threat. And those were the exact words I said. I will never hit him first, but I'll stop the threat. And the judge said, you just realize what she said, right? She's not gonna hit you first, but she's gonna kill you if you touch her and she's gonna get away with it. And it's in court record, right? So, with that being said, the very last day, like I said, I'm not gonna go into the specifics of it, he bowed up at me in the nurse's station. And everybody was like, Victoria, come back in here. Faith needs you. And I'm like, no, y'all are right there. The nurses can go get her. I wasn't moving. And he bowed up at me and he was like, What are you gonna do? And I just looked at him. I said, What are you gonna do? Are you gonna hit me? You gonna break my nose again? Are you gonna hit me and break my jaw again? I mean, what are you gonna do? Are you serious right now? He's like, You're gonna extend the time of how long I'm staying. And I was like, No, I'm not, I'm absolutely not. You're about to be two minutes over time, you better get to stepping. And he just bowed up at me and he basically threatened me at that point. And I basically told him, Hey, if you're feeling froggy, jump. Because I'm not gonna hit you first, but I promise you I'm gonna lay you out. And there's some other stuff that goes in with that moment where you know, I advised him that if he hit me and he accidentally got laid out at that point, after because of pure self-defense, and he needed some resuscitation, it wouldn't be for me, right? And he had a totally different look on his face at that point. And the thing is, is I don't understand, and I wouldn't back down. I stood right at there, eye to eye. Come on, hands down by my side, right? Why aren't you doing it? Why why aren't you doing it? Because before you knew I wouldn't hit you back because I was pregnant and I made a deal with you. So now that I'm not pregnant, you don't want to hit me because you know I'm gonna defend myself. Now you don't want to hit me back. And he he he bowed up, he bowed his fist up, he raised his hand back, but he he didn't make contact. And I'm telling myself psychologically, it's just one more black eye. It's just you know, one more, and then it's self-defense.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

From hearing your story, that never happened in the past.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

No, because he didn't hit me the for the first time until after I was pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

Right, but if he ever bowed up, he actually followed.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Every time.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

That's the first time.

Shielded: Accountability And Failed Protection

SPEAKER_01 29:15

This was the very first time in front of. No, he would hit me in a grocery store, in a restaurant, he hit me on the installation, on the installation with the military right there. It didn't matter, but now I'm not pregnant, and that was the very first time as not pregnant that I stated to him, I'm not pregnant now, I'm coming, I'm fine back, right? I'm like, I'm not hitting you first, but you hit me. Self-defense is what's coming. And still, my sperm donor is nowhere to be found when all this happens. And since that time, my sperm donor has been in contact with him more than once, more than once, and even helped him with some legal stuff, which just blows my mind. I mean, absolutely blows my mind. You know, the first time you met him, you just walked up to him and said, I screwed up, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. If you hurt her, I'm gonna kill you. That's what you said to him. And he hated you with a nuclear capability. I couldn't even mention your name. I couldn't even say your name. He hated you so much. Absolutely. You were like his Achilles hill. But I can't understand as a parent how you just, I mean, think about this for a minute as a listener, and think about if you're having your earpiece in or you're, you know, listening with headphones or whatever the case may be, and and look in the rearview mirror, look across the room, look, you know, on the other side, and look at your child and say, How do you do that? How could you do that to your own flesh and blood? I mean, I was getting my nails done, and I saw a woman snatch her son up, and I was like, I'm not having that again. Like I was like, look, I advocate, I'm a mandated reporter. You're not snatching that kid up like that again, like off the ground. And I said, next time I'm calling the police and we're gonna make sure that this is handled at a different level. And she didn't touch him again. But and that wasn't even our kid, but I'm just saying, as a parent, how can you? I mean, as a man, as a father, uh you give it to me from your perspective.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

No, no, and had I seen the first black eye on you, the first thumbprint, uh no, I would have been over there having a very harsh discussion.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

Like you had in the bathroom, I still don't know about?

SPEAKER_02 31:47

Yeah, we we don't know about that.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

That's like one of my world wonders, the unknown wonder of the world. But I want to talk about you know, the the the narcissistic individual. And tonight I want to talk about a narcissistic parent who we both have, and there's so many things that most people don't know or realize. A narcissist comes out as how would you describe a narcissist?

SPEAKER_02 32:19

I've gotta have control. I've got to be the center of attention, I've got to be the authority, I've got to be the one in charge. What I say goes, it doesn't happen without my approval.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Very much into all your business.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Let me let me let me control your life by telling you what to do, okay?

SPEAKER_01 32:43

To make my life better.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

Correct. And if it costs you money, don't come looking to me for a handout because you won't get it. How many how many problems of yours do I have to solve yet again? Right? So I I want to back up and and and say we had a very I would say narcissistic reviewer of one of my wife's books write several reviews. Thank you, Alex. Write several bad reviews about one of her books, and it absolutely backfired on him. I'm sorry, her, it, whatever pronouns.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

It's solidified because it was about them.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Right. And it tripled the number of sales. So I'm not thinking, I'm not thanking you, but haha.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

No, but it's not just that, it it's the fact that there's always the he said she said that, you know, everybody's like, oh, there's three sides to every story, you know. And I heard that so much from my sperm and egg donor. There's three sides to every story, and I'm like, okay, tell me what side justifies the abuse I endured.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

There's nothing.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Right. So how is there a he said she said and three sides, right? It doesn't matter. I don't care if, you know, if you're woman of the night, a lady of the night, as they used to call, you know, street walkers, and you get hit by a car, you have every right to have justice on for you.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

Right.

Court Visitation And A Mother’s Line In Sand

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Right? If you walk on the crosswalk and you have somebody hit you, you have the right of justice. Right? So it doesn't matter who you are. If you are hurt and assaulted by somebody, what is the point? If you are a real man, walk your ass away, right? Don't take your anger and aggression for you being a cowardly little puss out on us. Walk it out, walk away, turn around and leave, right? Go. But that's not what happens. And you know, I didn't learn until I started doing all of the school. My husband laughs at how much school I do because I'm I would say I'm obsessed with learning. I would admit that. Thank you. I admit it.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

But Harvard, Yale, John Hopkins, Emery. What's the other one? Stanford. Stanford.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

Yeah. So anyway, I literally have learned so much, but I would have never known this. Narcissists, especially men, narcissistic men are very insecure. Like from someone who like until you learn about this, you don't know that. If you as many narcissists as we have dealt with, you would never know that internally that they are an insecure person because they portray themselves as a conceited ass.

unknown 35:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Right? They're so stuck on themselves and what they build up such a big wall. Right. And it's a facade. Like that's why it's a mask, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:54

This is who I am. This is all my achievements, blah blah blah.

Confrontation, Boundaries, And Self-Defense

SPEAKER_01 35:56

It's power and money. Right. It's power and money. And that's what they want people to know about them the most. But they are so insecure, and they try to make themselves to be a hero constantly so that people praise them. They care more about what the outside people think than the people within their own four walls of their dwelling because it's not a home, right? So it's a dwelling. Now, what I was learning more and more about, first of all, they have no respect for other people's boundaries. None. They'll be all in your business. Every single piece of your business they they'll get into. How much money do you make? How much money did you make today? What happened? How you know, they don't want to know how was your day at work, they want to know how much money you made. It's always a competition. It's what have you done? You know, what what kind of car do they drive? You know, the one that really used to get me all the time, and you've heard this countless times from my sperm donor was, oh, that's a$90,000 car. Okay, well, that's a$90,000 car if it was brand new with you know no miles. Now it's a 21-year-old car that you bought for$5,000. So that is not the same, but the perception is you're telling everybody, oh, I just got me a, you know, a luxury vehicle. Well, whoop-de-doo, you know, good for you. Great. You also have a dwelling where you have rules. Like this is your this is your place you put your head. Well, I was gonna say, you put your head down at night, but your the rules are just ridiculous. You know, if you look at the difference in their dwelling and our home, it's night and day. And for instance, they would tell Faith, don't touch the walls. It's fifteen thousand dollars to paint this wall. Don't touch the walls, you're not allowed to touch the walls, right? You can't hang pictures that you know we didn't approve where they're going. You know, it and it was a huge, it's a mansion, and it's ridiculous. But when you walk in, there's this coldness, like a museum. Like, you know, you get so excited from the outside, and you walk in and you're like, ugh, like it felt like your soul was sucked out. And you come in here, and everybody's like, your home is so inviting and welcoming, and it's like it's a home, right? And our whole house could fit in one floor, and that's great, right? I mean, why does two people need a 10,000 square foot home? And it's not jealousy, it's not envy at all, because it makes no sense to me. We wouldn't have it, no, it you know, and he asked me one day when I die and I leave the house to you. This was back before I was removed from all legal dwellings, all legal entities. I told him I'd sell it. I I wouldn't want to. There's no, that's not me. I've never been that pretentious, you know. I care what you think about me by what I drive and what I, you know. No, I've not even when we dated 25 years ago. I was never that way. But a narcissist, and that's sure sign. People say, Well, can I be a narcissist? Am I gonna turn into a narcissist? You and I can't wrap our heads around how a narcissist goes through daily life, like how they can, just like we were talking earlier. How are you a dad knowing that your child is at home or at their house getting abused? And and you're going out with one of your women, you're doing whatever you're doing, knowing that they're fighting for their life, right? It's I I can't fathom it.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Like today, I I bet I've said I love you to faith at least half a dozen times, just out of the blue.

SPEAKER_01 39:45

Well, y'all are doing y'all's banter as well, but yes, it's fun.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

But the narcissist can't say it.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

I've never heard my egg donor of ways to hurt you, right. You've never heard my egg donor say I love you. She never said anything nice about me at all. Like, you know, the the perfect example, you know, they I hate to say brainwashed, but they did. They brainwashed my brother. My brother and I have absolutely no relationship whatsoever. And I have never said a bad word about him. You can go and listen to every podcast ever done, which is, you know, 500. I've never said anything. I've wished him the very best. I knew he got married and and wished him nothing but, you know, a happy marriage and success. And we were even invited to go to where he works for a Christmas party a couple years ago. And and we didn't go because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. And the thing is, is that in his mind, which is not his fault, we have this dislike for each other because he's been the golden child and I'm the escapegoat, I'm the black sheep, I'm the scapegoat. And everything he's ever heard is out of their mouths, out of the parents' mouths. And they do that to keep, and that's very common. They do this to keep the children from aligning together and against the parents. So everything he's ever known has been, you know, what he hears one-sided. And that's sad, yes. You know, am I perfect? Not by any means at all. But I mean, I've never done anything but wish him the best and wish him goodwill. And even in the books, that the one book specifically, I still said nothing about it. I said he's incredibly smart and he's incredibly intelligent. I think his life has been shortchanged because of how he was treated, because the golden child, his mom did everything for him. And in turn, he didn't get to learn how to do a lot of things. That's not his fault. That's not his fault. But I hate the fact that you know, he thinks that I'm this person because of what he's heard, and I've heard so many bad things. And and you've heard, Michael, so many bad things about all these other people, including my brother, from my egg and sperm donor.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

You've that's right.

Narcissistic Parents: Control And Facades

SPEAKER_01 42:10

I have he my our egg and my egg and sperm donor used to talk, well, okay, my egg donor, no, but my sperm donor used to talk so badly about his own son that this is what I would hear all the time. And it was, oh, well, he said this about you, or he said this, and this is, you know, he did this. And I'm not even gonna say it because it's derogatory against him, and I'm not gonna say anything derogatory against him. But I can't even count. Can you how many times that the sperm donor just this can't be my son? I don't have a son that's and I'm not even gonna say the the the names he called him. My my brother is in the community, he's married to a man. Like I said, I wish them nothing but the absolute best. But my sperm donor was very clear that he couldn't have produced, and I'm not even gonna say it, right? But you heard it constantly, and that's the thing, is it's awful. How do you talk about your kids? And here's the thing here's the million-dollar question that I want people to think about for just a minute, and that includes you, my sweet over there. You know, they tell everybody, oh, Victoria isn't speaking to us, they're not, she doesn't speak to me anymore. You know, this is everything I've done for her, and she doesn't speak to me anymore. But here's the question Has anybody stepped back and wondered, okay, what did the parents do to make the child not talk to them anymore? Instead of all you know, the derogatory light on the child, we're supposed to be a product of their raising. And you turn around and say, She doesn't talk to us anymore. She, you know, everything I've done for Heart blah blah blah blah blah blah and she doesn't speak to me, but yet has anybody stepped back and said, What could he have possibly done to make her not talk to them? I mean, the last thing, one of the very last things he said to Faith was, you know, it's in the past, I want a relationship with you, and then she texted and he never responded, and he wanted nothing to do with her ever again, and that's brainwashing. And Faith has been through hell in a handbasket, and for him to do that is just awful. I mean, how do you do that to anybody, yet alone a kid who is your grandkid and the only grandkid you had a relationship with, because none of the other ones claimed you and all of a sudden now you're like, oh, I'm gonna have nope, nope. How how do you do that? I mean, that's just that doesn't make sense to me because we're not.

SPEAKER_02 44:54

We can't understand, we can't put our our minds inside their minds, we can't wrap around how they think.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

But see, yours were the same way. When you think about stuff, some of the stuff that your egg donor did, how do you explain it from a son's point of view about a mom?

SPEAKER_02 45:09

I I I can't. I mean, I just we don't understand it.

Cold Mansions, Warm Homes, And Rules

Golden Child, Scapegoat, And Triangulation

SPEAKER_01 45:17

You know, I keep thinking about the time and she was here and then the stuff we were donating to survivors, and she demanded that she got what she wanted out of them, and she just went on a rampage about it. But I mean, all of these things are more important than having a relationship with a healthy relationship with somebody. That's why we tell everybody we're drama trauma-free, but people bring it to us and want us to get in the middle of it, and it's just dumb, it's stupid, you know. I mean, it it just it's heartbreaking and heart-wrenching. I've gone to extreme measures to protect my brother, to make sure his identity stayed that way. But then again, I've never said anything derogatory about him, you know, because what has transpired is not mine or his fault. It is the wording that you hear. It's the same thing from like a spouse that's abusive. Every day you're fat, you're ugly, nobody's gonna want you, no, you're not good enough for anybody else, you're disgusting, you don't know how to do this, you don't know how to do that, I'm gonna take all the control away, blah, blah, blah. Everybody feels bad for me because of you. You see how you've ruined my life, yada, yada, yada. But when the siblings hear derogatory things all the time about the other sibling, they believe it because that's coming from their parents, and they don't know different, right? So I don't like have any ill will to him. I never have. I mean, I've I've miss him, I wish I had, you know, but he has these rose-colored glasses on from things he was told that's not true, and I was told, as you were as well, a ton of stuff about him, but I looked at the source, but I don't want to make any part of his life uncomfortable. I don't, I want him happy. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to have a life of love, and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. And so maybe one day, you know, maybe, you know, we'll clear the air and whatever. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. But I I my heart breaks for what he's been through and what he's been put through. And I mean that genuinely. I mean, you know, siblings do say things to each other, we're all not perfect and whatever, but it just blows my mind how a narcissist has no respect for boundaries. None. It doesn't matter what they are, none. Per, you know, it's the fact that they have to have control over everything and everyone. You're a grown-ass person, but they're still gonna try and control every aspect of your life. They're gonna tell you what to do, who to do, when to do it, how to do it. And if you don't give them what they need, if you don't fill their cup, then they're gonna burn you with whatever is left. They're gonna let you know that it is not okay. Okay, there's my sorry guys, my file kind of decided to close. They are going to let you know that you've done them wrong. Like infidelity is very high in narcissists, but they will tell you you can't tell my spouse, you can't tell your mother, you can't tell whomever, because then you don't really love me. Don't you want me to be happy? Don't I deserve to be happy? Everything I've done, I'm playing the victim card. I'm just so, you know, all I do is help other people and I put it out there. And, you know, my therapist said to me one day, have you ever noticed that when someone talks about you, you're like, Yeah, whatever, whatever. And you downplay it when someone talks about me, right? When you talk about me, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I downplay it. But like a narcissist is like, let me tell you I've done this and this and this and this and this. I can't prove it, but let me show you I've done this and this and this and this and this, you know. Like when you're he they could say, Well, I've done this. Well, can you know that's awesome? Can I see your diploma? I don't have one, I don't have it, I don't know where it is, you know, it's wherever. You know, my perfect example, my ex told everybody he did something very specific. And during everything that transpired, it was asked upon him to produce a photo that was taken of the the group in question. And he produced a photo, and they said, Well, okay, which one are you? And he pointed to one. And there is absolutely no way in God's green creation that the similarity is so night and day. That's like saying that I look like Helen Keller from 1810. I know that's not the year, I'm just saying, but it it's it's like he pointed out this picture and said that's me. There's no fundamental way that that was him, but it's the perception you've got to think that I am high and mighty, and that you are it all to be in my presence, and that's the mentality that they take. But to know that they are just so like low self-esteem, and they'll never admit it, they will absolutely never admit to having a low self-esteem, they will never admit to you know, trying to make themselves into something that they're not. They will always try to be the center of attention, all eyes on them. And it's just it's hard to wrap your head around when you absolutely can't because you've never been there. They want that admiration constantly. They have to have it's it's a huge sense of entitlement. They've got to feel like they are just everything. What are you looking at?

SPEAKER_02 50:56

Helen Keller.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

I don't look like Helen Keller. Are you serious right now?

SPEAKER_02 51:01

I'm very serious.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

So we're talking about a narcissist, and my husband starts Googling Helen Keller. What year was Helen Keller in? Well, you're right there. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

1880 to 1968.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

Okay, I said I said 1810. I s okay, and she was born in the 1800s. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Okay, go. Your turn.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

My turn. No, I I hope somebody got something good out of this episode. You know, I hope somebody listened all the way through and and if you can relate, write in to us. Contact us through our website, thecontagious smile.com, and let us know.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

Babe, I just realized that I never hit record the recording is on.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

I see this recording. I know this joke. Now we have gotten through some episodes where it'd be it'd be a good one, but halfway through My eyes been botched! Mess up and botch it and you know Say an unacceptable word. Yes. Which are very, very few here.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

I don't know, I kinda like the shirt you're wearing.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

Since this is our show, and we can say pretty much what the heck we want. Tell everybody what you're wearing. My shirt is a gift from faith. Pronounce shirt. It says I identify as an asshole. So yes, I wore this in public today. Yes, I wore this to the chiropractor. Miss Chiropractor lady, who took my dad. You came off the table. That was hilarious. I get hit by Joel Lightning.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

You were so I got adjusted five minutes before you. Oh my god, you're not a rocket. Like literally, I was adjusted right before you. And she was like, I got him. I was like, Yep, good luck. You haven't met him yet. You don't know what you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

But I I could feel my body resisting.

SPEAKER_01 53:11

It was just and I told her about your gunshot moon. And she gunshot moon, yes. And she was like, she's like, Do I need the magnifying glass? And I said, Yes.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

And she looked at me while you were laying back, you know, with your face down, and she looked at me and goes, I don't see it. She said, I don't see it. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

Where's Josh? Josh!

SPEAKER_01 53:35

And our great friend Josh is coming on to do an episode, and he is our medical person. I can't wait to have him on.

SPEAKER_02 53:43

And talk about GSWs and lead poisoning.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

He's gonna absolutely throw you under the bus. He has been saying that my husband is pregnant for like a year now, and that he should be delivering a quadruple set here any moment. And I can't wait, it's gonna be hilarious. So that's gonna be actually a fun one. He hosts a podcast, That's a fact, and it's hilarious. Like it, it it's hilarious, but it's very informative. And he's got the radio voice, he is such a radio voice.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

He does, and and and you know, years ago, I I say years ago, he asked me to review one of his podcasts. Not years, and I did, and he took it so such to heart.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

Because you have a no filter, and b you're you know, crude at moments, but maybe that's why he likes me and we're good friends.

Image, Entitlement, And Insecurity

SPEAKER_02 54:33

I don't know if I go that far. Because I am very honest with him. But he changed, and and you know, he changed for the better. Not that we're super famous, popular, and all that crap, you know, with how many hundreds of thousands of downloads last month?

SPEAKER_01 54:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 54:51

Half a billion? Billion with a B? Okay, I don't know how many. No, I don't know. Over 500,000? I don't know. Downloads in a month?

SPEAKER_01 55:02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 55:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

Anywho crazy. That's more than Joe Rogan, and that's not no.

SPEAKER_02 55:07

Anyway, Josh has got an awesome podcast. He sounds very sexy. Okay, ball-headed guy.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

That's a little creepy.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

Romance. That's a little creepy. He's gonna say I'm I'm praying. Prego? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 55:22

He keeps asking me all the time when I talk to him. Has the babies come yet?

SPEAKER_02 55:26

We'll promote him. Like we would anybody if they just asked us instead of trying to worm their way into our academy.

SPEAKER_01 55:36

Work our way in.

SPEAKER_02 55:38

Y'all. What was I gonna say? My wife is very, very humble. Okay, she does not she does not donate on herself, she does not lift herself up on a pedestal. You heard what she says if I start talking about her, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Y'all, she's been through hell, had over, I, in my, in my opinion, uh, at least 130 something surgeries. Okay, if not more. But she'll she stopped counting out after 100. I did. She's got one arm, folks, up here.

SPEAKER_01 56:13

And I got one eardrum. She's got one ear. One eardrum. I'm not, you know, Van Gogh. I have one eardrum. I'm sure she'd be that to one ear.

SPEAKER_02 56:21

Beautiful. Okay. Y'all can find her anywhere you type in Victoria Cure. You'll see her gorgeous green eyes. Bring a barf bag. Bring a barf bag. But she's doing all this, and she doesn't ask anything, but to help keep this going. That's it. Right? We had some anonymous person buy us five cups of coffees.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

I learned who that was.

SPEAKER_02 56:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:46

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_02 56:47

They bought us five cups of coffees. Do y'all know how much that meant to us? I was elated. I was so excited. It was fantastic. Okay. Now, if the other 40 million listeners out there could do the same, just one cup of coffee. This thing could go on for many years.

SPEAKER_00 57:06

This could go on forever.

SPEAKER_02 57:08

The reason that we even asked for a cup of coffee or a sponsor is because these freaking AI programs are costing an arm and a leg now.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

Really? Number one, an arm and a leg.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

And number two, well, I've got I may lose the leg. I've got a gunshot wound.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

Okay, you've lost the arm.

SPEAKER_02 57:26

And here we go.

SPEAKER_01 57:27

I only use AI to generate images because I don't have the patience. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 57:30

When I say AI, I meant all the programs we're using.

SPEAKER_01 57:32

Okay, but make sure you say correctly, like the platform for the academy.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:38

And then all of the other platforms. I don't use AI for anything except to create imaging. That's all. Because I don't have the patience. Because you have to go on there and be so specific with every tiny detail. And it takes the patience of Job. It really does. So yeah. But then we have websites everywhere, and then some. But we try to keep everything, you know, so low key and low cost. But I work honestly 14, 16 hours a day.

SPEAKER_02 58:08

Yes.

Humor Break And Josh’s Upcoming Visit

SPEAKER_01 58:10

And I'm trying to get as much done as I can. And if I have someone in crisis, I stop what I'm doing immediately to help. And my husband gives me such a hard time because we'll be leaving the doctor or I'll have a procedure or whatever. And we stop on the way because it's a very long drive from the hospitals to us. And I'll meet somebody and he'll be like, Are you freaking kidding me? Because I'll be like, How can I help? What do you need? How you know? And right then it's like, what do I need to do? And he's like, Babe, can you heal? And it you can't. You've got to, you've got to be there to take care of other people because my thing is that I went through it alone. I had no one. And I don't want anyone to ever have to go through what I went through because it's hell. It's hell. And I'll be quite honest, you know, for a while when this first happened, all I had was faith. I didn't have Michael again. And had I not had faith, you know, first of all, I can't even fathom that that thought, but I don't think I could have made it through. And that's why love is so much more important than anything else. To have the unconditional love to me is worth more than anything else in the world.

SPEAKER_02 59:24

I absolutely agree, my love.

SPEAKER_01 59:26

You weren't even listening, you're playing on your computer.

SPEAKER_02 59:29

I had to reset my screen lock. Two minutes is is quite annoying.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

Well, you did that because Faith goes in there and and fits all.

SPEAKER_02 59:37

She tells me, Dad, oh Dad, Michael. You know you left your Facebook unlocked again. Oh shit. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 59:46

I need to read something.

SPEAKER_02 59:49

Oh, heartfelt.

SPEAKER_01 59:50

Yes, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 59:51

From my daughter.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

So she said something last night, which is not relevant, that well, it needed context. She said something and she didn't mean it the way she said it. Right. And it got her upset because it's something that she would never have said. So she didn't know how she wanted to talk about it. So we kind of did a time out. And so she wrote this on Facebook. And this is just the sweetest thing. And then I'll read what I wrote back. Have you read both of these?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:22

I did.

unknown 1:00:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

Well, I read both of them.

Community Support And Small Donations

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

I don't post like this, but I wanted to tell Victoria I'm sorry. I said something I shouldn't have, how I messed words up. I'm hurt, but that I did this accidentally, but I never would have hurt you. What I said is not a thousand percent on me. I understand that I the words hurt, and for that I'm deeply apologizing. I love you more than words can describe and say, and honestly, it hurts a lot when I accidentally hurt you with my words, and I can't do or say anything to get this behind us. I will do whatever it takes for you to forgive me. I'm truly, truly sorry. I love you, Karamiya. This is her nickname for me. So I wrote back, My sweet girl, come here for a moment and hear me clearly. You never have to beg for my forgiveness. My love for you does not work that way. It is not something that you can lose with a mistake or a few mixed-up words. You are my daughter. That means my love for you is permanent, steady, and unconditional. Yet sometimes words can be stinging for a moment. That happens between people who love one another. But what matters to the most, what matters to me most is the heart behind them. Your heart is one of the most beautiful ones I've ever known. The fact that you care this deeply about my feelings has already told me everything I've ever needed to know about the person that you are. You do not need to punish yourself or carry this around like a heavy backpack. I understand and I'm ready and I've already forgiven you. More than that, I'm proud of how you are speaking up and being honest about how you feel. That takes pure courage. Please remember something very important. You could never say or do anything that would make me stop loving you. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. That is the promise that comes with me being your mom. What hurts my heart the most is not the words you said, it is seeing you feel so sad as I sit and worry about it. You never have to feel alone with those feelings. We will always talk through things together. Come sit with me when you're ready. We'll hug, talk, laugh, or just be quiet together. However, you need, I am here. I love you more than words will ever be able to explain. That is how, like my grandparents were to me. That is how a parent should be with their child. Right? That is how it should be. You know, my daughter will come in here and tell you, I've never yelled at her, I've never raised my voice to her in her entire life. That when mistakes are made, we say to her, you know what? I love you with all of my heart. I don't like the choice you just made. Much difference than I can't believe you just did this. What the hell is wrong with you? If you listen to it, they both have the same meaning, but they both are brought in totally different. People say things in anger, people say things in the moment, and it stays with them forever. But you don't have to take a breath, count to five, and then think about what you're gonna say because those words will stay with you. And it's so important to do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:34

Yep.

Why We Work: Crisis First, Always

SPEAKER_01 1:03:34

And if you're thinking about raising your hand, your fist, your voice to your spouse, to your children, to your pet, take a walk. Take a walk. You want to show that you're a man, you want to show that you're a bigger person, or that you're a woman, or whatever the case may be, your pronouns are, and you're at that point where you're that mad, you're not mad at the person standing in front of you or the child that's looking up at you, or the dog or cat that's down at your feet. You're mad at yourself and you need to take a walk. Walk it off, take a walk, take a drive, leave for the night, whatever the case may be, then you're a man. Then you are a human. But if you want to take your aggression out on your spouse, your child, your pet, you're not a human. You're a coward. You are a piece of shit. And anyone who wants to say different, I welcome an abuser to come on and have a conversation with me.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:28

Good luck with that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:29

This will be the same voice I have. This will be the same, and when I say voice, I mean that my disposition and demeanor will not change. My tone will not change, my volume will not change. I will listen to you, I will hear your words, I will hear what you have to say, and we will have a conversation. I'm sure you're gonna get flustered, I'm sure you're gonna get annoyed, I'm sure you're gonna raise your voice. I, however, will not. I would love to invite someone who openly can say I'm an abuser on the show and let us have a conversation. Seriously, I would absolutely welcome it. I don't know if Michael would participate because if somebody started yelling at me, I don't know. Well, I don't know how or what he would do. But I welcome that individual to come on and carry on a conversation. Man, woman, trans, I don't care. All the above, one of each, I don't care. I want you, you have an open invitation. Send me an email at victoria at a contagious smile.com and tell me that you know a little bit about your story. I'll bring you on. I will respect you. You will you will respect me. We'll have a conversation because I want to hear what you have to say. I really do. I would love to have that interaction.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:41

I don't know if I could respect an abuser.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

I said I would respect them coming on.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:47

I would respect them coming on to give their two cents, but you know, I I'm going to ask questions that might not be so easy to answer. I want to know what makes you find it okay to hit that little kid that you helped create. Create that is looking up at you with the eyes of how can you hurt me? Now you're my protector.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:06

We have not had a pro self-proclaimed abuser. No, we've had a pedophile on the show, but we've had pedophiles.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:14

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:18

And that didn't go well for them, but you know, hey.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:22

I've actually done an international show over in Ireland as a guest taking on a pedophile who decided to try to raise his voice with me, and he got so mad. Ended up being that the guest, the actual host of the show said it was one of their best shows. I never got loud or violent, and the other person did, and it went through the roof. It was a live show.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:50

So be sure to go over to the website, the contagious spawn.com, and buy Victoria a cup of coffee, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:57

Well, it's not my coffee, it actually goes to scholarships.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:00

No, it well, it's called Buy Me a Coffee, but it's not. It goes to purchasing scholarships for those who does help out. Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:08

And be sure to type in her name on Amazon and find all her books that are currently published.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:15

There's plenty coming.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:16

Yeah. So listening to a contagious smile.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:20

Tell Toga Boy.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:21

Unstoppable. Y'all do not look at that Toga picture.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:24

That's hilarious. You know what? I'm gonna enlarge it just for everybody to see. I'm fat enough. Whatever.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:31

Good night, y'all. Bye.