Teaching Responsibility Without Shame

Responsibility sounds like a boring word until life makes it personal. We kick things off with a question we’ve all wrestled with: how do you actually teach responsibility, especially to teens, without turning your house into a battleground? From a blunt teen pregnancy “what if” to the very real chaos of a brand-new puppy, we talk about how responsibility isn’t a speech, it’s a pattern: face what needs to be faced, stop procrastinating the hard talk, and follow through even when it’s inconvenient.

Then we go deeper into why avoiding truth is so exhausting. We share what it’s like living around narcissistic behavior, abuse dynamics, and the “black sheep” role where the person holding the facts becomes the biggest threat. We get into why survivors cling to their word, why evidence matters when people rewrite history, and why silence gives abusers room to keep winning. We also touch on a cease and desist letter tied to Victoria’s evidence-based writing and what happens when people accidentally identify themselves by trying to shut the truth down.

We also bring it back home to parenting and day-to-day life: loving your kid while still holding the line, using calm consequences instead of yelling, and giving children room to decompress after a brutal day. Along the way, we share a few lighter stories about celebrities, respect in relationships, and an upcoming co-hosting moment we’re genuinely excited about.

If any of this hits close to home, listen, share it with someone who needs it, and leave us a review. What’s one boundary you’ve set that changed your life?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Howdy y'all, and welcome to another episode of a castage smile unstoppable with the lovely, ever sexy, whatever, red-headed vixen over yonder, Victoria, curate, author, and publisher of over fifteen books, who has been awarded multiple awards for her not listening to us from my resume. Academy.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

So what do you want to talk about tonight, dear, since we're having a conflict of discussion topics?

What Responsibility Really Means

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Dearest. Well I had a question today. How do you teach responsibility?

SPEAKER_00 1:00

How do I personally teach responsibility?

SPEAKER_01 1:02

I become more responsible.

Teen Pregnancy And Fast Adulthood

SPEAKER_00 1:04

By taking the bull by horns and talking about things that you need to talk about. That shows responsibility. It shows that it's growth, that you look at things, discuss things, analyze it, go through and figure out how it hurt you so that you prepare yourself not to go through that anguish again. That's a a good way. And then you see the responsibility of, okay, well, these are things that I need to be doing, and I don't need to be procrastinating and keep putting them off and pushing them back and suppressing it. And then you take care of that responsibility, and then once it's done, you have a sense of satisfaction because you've completed something that even subconsciously you know you needed to do, but for some reason that you just don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Okay, I heard you, but you went off totally left field.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

No, I didn't. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

You're a teenager.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Okay. Do you have sex with your teenager boyfriend? Oh, that wouldn't have been me. Right? You're now pregnant. You're now due. Teenage boy is now a father. Teenage girl is now a mother.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

How do you teach them responsibility?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Well, they should be like parenting classes that they take. There should be responsibilities that they take. Hopefully they had decent role models to help them and they have a support system.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Having sex, unprotected sex that teenage, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Well, mo yes, they probably might have had unprotected sex, but they also could have had protected sex. And a condom doesn't always. And neither does all these birth control. Yes, it protects for the most part, but it doesn't always. And it could have been one of those moments, too. I mean, there's a whole bunch of mitigating factors involved in that.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

So you with with a child, you have to grow up very quickly if you have a baby. As a young adult. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

No, Faith is not pregnant.

Puppy Parenting And Hidden Stress

SPEAKER_01 3:05

That's right, y'all. But she does have a brand new puppy, which is similar to a baby. Okay. Okay? In the aspect that, you know, she has more responsibility. But she is definitely not pregnant, y'all. So brought that up.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Because I don't want people to listen and say, oh my god, is Faith pregnant? Because we're talking about a teenager and we have one, so is she pregnant? No. No, she's not.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

No.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

But to be responsible, you need to discuss things that bother you and not let them suppress. Because one of the things about responsibility is say you have things you have to do and you're not getting them done. It could be because your mind is elsewhere thinking about things that you haven't faced yet and haven't wanted to talk about. And it could be slowing you down from doing the things that you absolutely need to be doing.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

So there are times that I want to be irresponsible, right? And just think about me. Right. But as a parent, as a husband, you don't get that luxury all the time because you just there's certain things you do on a scheduled basis. Okay, you wake up, you take care of the dogs, you do chores around the house, you go to work, you come home, you cook dinner, you clean up, you spend time with the family, and then you go to bed. Right? And I understand from a young adult perspective, being handed the responsibility of, hey, I'm now got a kid. I can't do what I want.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

But most teenagers, most, not all, but most at that age are more upset that they're not out with their friends than they are the responsibilities that are in front of them.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Because some people care more about upsetting others than themselves.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

So we've noticed a a little bit of change in our daughter taking care of uh her new puppy.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

She also has a lot on her mind that she hasn't talked about.

Stop Procrastinating The Hard Conversation

SPEAKER_01 5:21

You know, from her creative writing, she's writing so many different books. But I think she has probably over a hundred in her phone that she started on, different stories. So yeah, she's she's learning responsibility with the puppy. To me, to me, it's a good thing. I know it seems like it sucks at times because we have to do a lot of cleaning up after the puppy. My wife wants to broach a subject here that you do not. I'm I'm not at my sense of timing is just is just not right for me. We will talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

It involves our don't say our, because I don't blame him. I don't claim him.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

And we will discuss this at length.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

But it's not the fact that you won't talk about it. It's the fact that like our listeners come to us for advice, and even when I'm counseling and supporting my clients, the longer they procrastinate and hold off on talking about what really matters, it eats at them emotionally, physically, psychologically. It tears them down, it takes them away from other happinesses in their life. It's kind of like the analogy that I use that you have one heart. You can fill it up with the what-ifs all day long and the negativity and the drama that has been brought to us, or you could fill it up with let's talk about it and then be done with it and put it away and not have to think about it anymore. And then I have all that vacancy for more happiness and laughter and love and memories and all of that. And there really to me isn't too much of a choice on that. And I am that protective person. Like, I think one of the sweetest things, and people are gonna say, What that you said to me the other day was like, I would never you. I mean, okay, I have to explain this. You said I never want to go to war against you. And you said that because why? What what was your reason for that?

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Because you are a sneaky no, don't say that.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

I'm not that because that could be because you're conniving and deceitful, and that I'm not thinking of the woods, I'm thinking of a jungle environment, okay?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

A sneaky green beret assassin, booby trap laying heifer that you will never see coming, and all our traps are laid well in advance.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

So, do you say that I'm deceitful? No.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

I'm just here's the thing when you mess prepare for war, you prepare.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Right. But the thing is that first of all, anybody who's ever had a child with any kind of medical needs or special needs, because the term I just I don't like it, but we are methodical to a fault, like ridiculous. Like there are so many times when Faith was a baby and I would go in the hospital and I would be presenting her medical history, and they'd say, Where are you a doctor? Or, you know, it the dates, I could tell you the dates of every procedure and every medication, and you know, all of that. And it's because it's the livelihood of my heart, it's my child. And so with that, and then growing up, one of the things that anybody who's ever unfortunately been through any type of abuse goes through, and you should know this too, is that your word is all you have. All you have is your word. And so often your abuser, your partner, your parent, whoever it is, makes you out to be the bad person because an abuser, a narcissist, a controlling prick, all they do is they put it off on you because they cannot accept responsibility. They can't accept accountability for anything. And so they put their shortcomings on you so that they feel better about themselves. They take their insecurities and push them onto you to make themselves feel better. So it's like the saying, misery loves company. It's the same thing. So I am this person after literally decades and decades of different types of abuse, not just one type. And it doesn't matter because I always say one kick, one hit is still one too many, but physical, emotional, psychological, financial, they're all unacceptable and should never happen. And when you've gone through that and all you have is your word, you become this person that is like a legal library. You become this person that takes and keeps evidence beyond. Like when I went through the physical abuse, I kept having people ask me, why do I have so much proof? And I kept saying, because nobody's doing anything. Why do you have all of this documentation? Why do you have the medical records that coincide with the photographs, that coincide with the witness statements, that coincide with the affidavits? Like, why do you have all this? And it and I kept saying, because nobody will help me. You know, what is it going to take for you to see that what I'm saying is true? I can't do this to myself. I can't strangle myself. I don't have male thumb prints on the middle of my throat. I couldn't do that and then have hand prints around the sides of my throat. And I was even told I strangled myself, which you take your own hands and put them around your throat, you cannot do it. It's physically impossible to do it. And to have hand prints and bruises in photographs. So they twisted around to make, why did you do it? Why did you make him mad? Why couldn't you just do what he asked for? Why is it that that son of a bitch gets to get away with everything? All of these abusers do. It's you made him unhappy, couldn't you just made him happier? Couldn't you have just done this or that or whatever? You know, you could be Mary Freaking Poppins and have the cleanest home and the perfect dinner and everything under the sun, and somebody cuts that prick off on the way home, or his side piece doesn't want to see him that night, or his boss said something he delivered at work wasn't up to par, or whatever it is, he's still gonna come back to that house and take it out on you. That's what he's gonna do. And that's the cycle of a sociopath, a psycho, a narcissist, an abuser. I mean, it's just like, you know, to me, somebody who harms another person, there's a whole bunch of different titles for it. But at the end of the day, like if you're going to this to a restaurant and you're getting a hamburger, what kind of condiments are you gonna put on it? Are you gonna put on, you know, mustard? Are you gonna put on mayonnaise? Are you gonna put on ketchup? Are you gonna put on relish? Are you gonna put on, you know, mayo? I mean, at the end of the day, that's all condiments, that's all extras. And the hamburger, the meat of it is the abuse. So the top of the topic or topic of the burger is just the formality of it, right? And so these assholes are hurting and abusing people. And the difference is is how? Is it verbal? Is it psychological? Is it physical? Is it financial? Is it this? Is it that? But at the end of the day, it's still how high up is that hamburger, right? It's all about all the toppings that are just kept laying and layering, layering on top of it. And that is the thing, is, and I think that's kind of advantageous that I said that because I don't eat meat, because, and that's kind of a crappy metaphor. But when somebody attacks or hurts someone I love, and you know this, even because when you and I broke up 20 years ago and somebody wanted to come after you, I went hell in high water to protect you, and we weren't even together, just like you did for me when we went to court. You stood by me, stood with me. And I have learned over the years there's only not even a handful of people I can name that is still living that we can trust and know unconditionally has our six without question.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

That's usually how the black sheep is.

Black Sheep Truth And Family Fallout

SPEAKER_00 13:14

And the the thing is is that someone who knows they're the black sheep, knows they're a scapegoat, goes through cycles of recognition where do they just realize now that they're the black sheep? Are they, okay, now I need to tell my story. Now I'm really pissed and I want to be heard. I need to be heard because this isn't fair that they're walking around with their head out of their ass and they're walking around talking about me and I've done nothing wrong. I mean, there's all these different cycles that go with being the black sheep, right? We are also the ones that they are worried about the most because we hold the truth, right? We are not bought, we are not, you know, bribed. It's attempted and it has been attempted numerous, numerous times. But at the end of it, it's what can you do for me? You're not doing what I want, to hell with you. Goodbye. And so, as that's all kind of come around the merry-go-round of why my husband and I have never had a fight in over 25 years, but there is some things that are happening that we have been dealing with for a while now, over six months, and a lot of it, fair to say, has been put on me to take care of. Do you agree?

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

And then other things happened. And I don't like seeing my husband hurt, I don't like seeing my daughter hurt or lied to. You were lied to. I don't like seeing any of this, especially when you break yourself in every way possible to help somebody. And it's happened multiple, multiple times. I'm pretty open talking about a lot of things, but I also don't want to give people who don't deserve it the credit by being quiet about it and saying, yes, you hurt me, yes, you did wrong. I'm gonna be silenced. I'm not gonna tell my story. Because silence is how these abusers win, because they're so afraid of stuff coming out, they're so afraid of the truth being told that they will fabricate, as we know, ridiculous crap just to try to make themselves in a higher light. And if you are silenced, you are giving in to them and giving them power, which I refuse to ever do again.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

You are correct, Victoria. So having said that, y'all, on our next episode that will be lord, that will be conducted Wednesday, this coming Wednesday, and aired on Thursday. I will tell you the rest of the story. Okay? It will fill in all the gaps, all the hints will be unveiled. What I was looking for, y'all, is kind of a conclusion to the story. It's nowhere near over. It tends to be dragged out, and uh, you know, we don't see an end of sight. It may be years, and and I don't want to do that to my wife, I don't want to do it to me. And y'all. Or our daughter. So we'll talk about a big family issue. And I know it's not it's kind of cliche, but hey, maybe some of y'all are going through the same thing, maybe some of y'all have been through it, and we'd like to hear for what you did, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

I just feel like when you go back, I I was talking with someone this afternoon, trying to give them some guidance. They were going through some very traumatic stuff, and I was trying to provide them with some supportive ways, if you will, this afternoon. And they were telling me that, you know, their family comes around only when they want something, and if they can't get it for whatever reason, to help with them. Like that that was the purpose of this individual reaching out to me, and it's heart-wrenching, it is, because you wonder why is it that those other members of the quote unquote family and blood does not make you family, DNA does not make you family, right? These people do not make you family, it's just it's just not, they're not. But when you go through this and you see you step back and you said, well, why is it all these other people, you know, they get together with all the rest of their quote unquote family and they go to birthday parties and they have holidays together, and we're singled out. We're kept away from it. And you know why we're kept away from it? We're kept away from it because we're the carriers of truth, we are the carriers of the real reality, we are the carriers of their kryptonite. We have the knowledge and the backing to destroy all of their lies. And so bringing us to a party is like putting kryptonite on Superman, right? You you know, so what do they do is they want to keep us far away so that we a can't tell everybody the truth, and B, they can continue to dismantle anything and everything that they can about us, and we're not there to defend ourselves, which also protects them at a whole different level.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

I see where you come from with that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

I mean, I'll be open about it. You know, I I don't think we really talked about this on air, honestly. I received a letter sometime back, a cease and assist letter, because my book, Nark Nark Who's There, ruffled the feathers of people that are DNA and bloodline to me. And the thing is, is that even an attorney was involved in it. And the thing is, is I was very careful with Narc Nark Who's There. I redacted photo uh faces and names, and all of the names were changed, but you can't dispute evidence, right? You can't deny evidence, you can't say that's not me in that picture, that's not me with another woman, that's not me, you know, kissy face with another woman in a hotel. That's not, you know, whatever the individual remark is. That is my text message, those are my phone, that's my email, that's this, that's that. And the book is completely 100% evidence-based, right? And so getting this letter, I prepared my own statement back, right, to their attorney and just said, Look, I went above and beyond to ensure. What are you looking at, babe?

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Nothing. What it's nothing. I'm looking at something behind me. Go ahead, finish your thought. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

I went above and beyond to ensure that they were protected, ensure that their, you know, faces were never seen and that their names were hidden. And I made sure of that. And then, you know, I went back and looked over everything, and I have never, and I don't recall, and tell me if I'm wrong, I don't think I've ever I can tell you you're wrong on this. Have I ever said anything publicly about my brother that was wrong, that was rude?

SPEAKER_01 20:54

No, you've already spoken kind words about him.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

And I I mean, he thinks that, like, you know, we I hate him and I have all this ill will to him and all that. That's because he's heard such from his parents, and that's all they've heard. That's all he's heard. And so I went through and and put all of this together, and it was a ridiculously large packet showing that even in Nart Narc Who's There, I just picked maybe 10 or 15 different pages and just took out individual sentences and said, refer to page whatever or paragraph whatever sentence, here it is, where I'm praising how smart he is, or you know, how he's never gonna be able to do something because they won't cut the cord. And that's not his fault. Like it's in there, it's not his fault. And that I've wished him nothing but the very best.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

And I still to this day wish him nothing but the very best, you know. I I I hate that he only gets one side of it, and the side he gets is isn't true, right? Like, you know, I tried to put stuff in there that he would never. No, there was no way I would know had I not been told because I've been no contact, right? So how would I know these things? You know, and the fact that these things were said, and I said, if you want to challenge this, then and you want to make a spectacle about it, then then what happens is you have to prove because the letter basically said that I need to sit cease and assist because it is portraying them. And I was like, well, that means they're identifying them as those characters. And if that's the case, then they have to prove. Prove that's not their cell phone, prove that's not them in the picture, prove that's not them in a hotel, right? Well, we have pictures of. But here's the thing: if you want to take that on and you're gonna do that publicly, then I have the right to redact.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

I have the right to say that you're gonna redact your redaction, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:54

I would have to redact the redaction and say, you know, I went through all these measures to make sure you your image was protected, but to show what was done. And I mean, I probably had another four or five hundred different things to put in there, and I didn't. I mean, I've had I've been asked to will I do a sequel to Narc Narcose There because I have so much more that I could have added in. And it was a little to the point I felt like it was gonna be overkill. So I was like, I don't, I don't think so. But I think the point was was made. And as soon as that was stated, that if they identify as those characters, then they have to prove. And if they do, then they need everything redacted, and then that becomes public knowledge. And if that's the case, then it's really gonna come out. And the last thing I've ever wanted to do is anything that would hurt my brother. We don't speak, and that's due to his parents. And I've never wished him anything but the best when I learned he was married. I wished him the very best in his marriage, and I hope he's happy. And you know, I've learned all about his husband from his parents during that little short few-week window that we spoke a while ago. And again, things I would never have known had they not told me. And the thing is that I have no ill will or animosity. I don't like how things are with him and I, but you know what? I'm not gonna disrupt his happiness. He deserves to be happy, he does. And whether he believes that I mean that or not, you know, I've never said anything derogatory about him. And I've never wished him anything but the best. I want him to be happy. He deserves it. He deserves to have someone who loves him the way that he deserves, and I mean that. So that is why people who have done the things that they do. I'm not talking about my brother. I'm talking about like narcissists, I'm talking about, you know, abusers, I'm talking about people who I mean, like a narcissistic parent does everything they can to keep the siblings separated. You're separated from both of your siblings, I'm separated from mine, right? And that is at the hands of the narcissistic parent, both of yours and both of mine. I mean, think about that. It's you've been kept away from yours, and I've been kept away from mine, and it's all at the hands of the narcissistic parents. And it happens to girls and it happens to guys. I mean, the same thing happened to you.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

You are correct, my love. I love my wife. She's freaking awesome, y'all. But she's she spot on these things. She began this conversation by saying that all she has is her word at times. And you know, she has to live up to what she says she'll do. And we've met multiple family members who have not lived up to their word. We find out a truth that we thought we knew was actually a lie. It was turned around and used in their benefit, in their favor, to manipulate us, one of us. And again, you know, she spoke about the narcissists, and that's uh, you know, one of their traits. They they twist the truth or a half-truth, and you know, to their their advantage. And I grew up with that and didn't know it. I was so naive and thought, no, that's just that's just the way Ma is. That's just the way things are, you know, she don't mean no harm by it. And you know, come to find out different. So the black sheep. You know, I was I was I was telling uh our daughter Faith, I was like, babe, you know, we're we're the black sheep here. Both your mother and I. And and I I couldn't I could not count on one hand solid, trustworthy friends. You know? Like, you know, when uh Ben Athletic in that one movie. Forgot what it's called. It's called The Hood, Brotherhood or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

I don't know, I'm not a Ben Athlete fan. I don't like Ben Athlet.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

We're gonna hurt some people. You can never ask me about it after the night. And you can tell anyone. You know, I I don't have that type of friend right now. Thanks. Other than my wife, my wife, my kick ass wife, my gorilla warfare assassin.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Whatever. You know, I used to, but I've lost so many people. The the Why this no, I'm talking about like, okay, my best friend Kim that passed away, she was ride or die. Like, well, she would have, I mean, she was literally dying of cancer and wanted to go and find idiot. And I was like, no, I don't want that to be your legacy. No, I love that about her, but absolutely not. You know, I've never had any involvement in anything like that. Like, I'm not sending anybody his way. No, absolutely not. Like, you know, a very good friend of mine overdosed a few years ago, and he was literally, are you gonna eat a dog treat? This this is a it's a dog treat.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Okay, I'll save it for the dogs.

When Family Never Shows Up

SPEAKER_00 28:15

He would have done anything. He did. I mean, this is a guy who, when Faith was in the hospital in the NICU, and you know, all the other times we were in the hospital, he would come and take my laundry and go home and clean it and bring it back and you know, bring me something to eat because he knew I wasn't eating. And when I was having, you know, some procedures that I would have and go home the same day, he'd sit with her in the waiting area so she wouldn't be alone because nobody else went with me. So he would go and sit there. And he was her like her uncle, like her, you know, godfather. No matter what time of day, day or night, I called him, he was always there and I was always there for him. And he's gone. I mean, I had probably four or five people that I've known for 20, 30 plus years that were like that in my life, and they've passed away and it sucks. And you know, the thing is, is that even though we're the black sheep, how many times has people in our family, both sides, called us out of the blue for no like just called us and said, our air conditioning is out, it's 90 degrees, or I don't care you're giving this stuff away to survivors of domestic violence. I'm going through it and picking out what I want. I don't care. And just, you know, or I need money because I don't have this, but I'm taking it from everybody else and nobody else knows about it. And I mean, and we always stepped up, always. But when Faith was in the hospital and they told us she wasn't gonna make it, none of them, not one. And I'm sorry, I don't want to sound like a broken record about this, but this is unforgivable in my eyes as a mother, as a human being, as a person, not one person from either side of the family called or reached out. That is a kid, that is a beautiful little girl who did nothing to them but love them. Nothing, and it wasn't advantageous for them. They weren't gonna benefit anything out of it. So we got bullshit excuses like we didn't know what hospital you were at. Bull crap, because we've been in the same one, you know, from day one. Or I didn't know I think I texted you once. Are you kidding? Are you serious? You know, both sides of the family, you know, and and that hurt me at a level of non-repairment. Like that's not acceptable. That you can't come back from. We were in there five weeks, you know. They told us we'll give her medicine and let her go comfortably, right? They said she's not gonna make it five weeks. She had over 25 operations, most at bedside, because she was too fragile to even make it down to the ICU from the ICU down to the OR. And y'all couldn't pick up a phone and make a phone call, a text, nothing, absolutely nothing. That is unforgivable. I don't care who you are. I don't care who you are. But then, you know, when thing other things have happened, like I lost my arm. Again, both sides of the family. Absolutely nothing. Nothing from either side. Your mom made the statement, well, she has one other hand, she could have called me. I mean, are you kidding? None of this is acceptable. When your brother got hurt on his RV, I hadn't even met him yet. And I was like, hauling, what do you need? Sending stuff down every day. What do you need? How can I help? What can we do? We were sending stuff to our nephew, you know, your your brother's son. And we need to go down there, let's go. What do we need to do? You know, immediately. Because that's how it's supposed to be. But I mean, could you forgive anybody for them not even stepping up? And my husband has this thing that I'm kind of jealous of in a way, and it kind of I'm not, he has this ability to flip a switch on people where he doesn't even care about them anymore and he just is done. And I hate it, but I also envy it a little bit because I hate that he has that ability. Because to me, and from someone who's done this for so long and had all my training in school and everything else, it's bad for you to have that because you need to process it. Even though you think you don't, and you just kind of get it rid of it, you don't, and you're not processing it. But could you forgive them for never even trying to see how faith was to never calling, texting, nothing? I mean, everybody was retired. There's no reason why nobody could have come up, right? Or sat with us. We would have opened our home and said you could stay there. They could have helped with you know the dogs because you were going back and forth to take care of the dogs and stay there. And I'm I never left up there. I stayed there. But not one thing was ever offered. Can you forgive either side for that?

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Well, I haven't. One that they haven't come. I think one of them may have attempted an apology, but it was not heartfelt and it was not genuine. And it just it just didn't hold water. So no, you know, and and I there's there's still two prominent well, one prominent woman in your life that has offended me.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

And in fairness, instead of talking every day like I used to, or once in a blue moon, like monthly or whatever, it's gone down to once a year, if not twice a year at most, and a very stern conversation was stated, and I did get up and remove myself after I made my point and left, and an apology was given to me, but I didn't want it to go any further because I didn't want to hash up old wounds. And I mean, I went from literally talking almost daily to this person to seeing them maybe once a year, and that's because family members also of theirs that had nothing to do with it that I'm so close to.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

Sometimes it's very hard to forgive folks for saying because those those words may not be intentionally for you, but they cut at your heart because of who they said it about. Right. And that's what really gets me. You know, when you have when you have someone so innocent that didn't deserve whatever happened to them, and for someone to be so heartless, heartless to say hold like this. I I'm like, Oh my god. I I never want to see you, I never want to speak to you again. I don't care who you are. You know? And I just I I it's yeah. So if they ask me to forgive them, I I mean the Christian thing would be to say yes, you know, I forgive you, go about your way, have peace.

Forgiveness Boundaries And Respect

SPEAKER_00 35:24

You can forgive them, but you just don't forget it. Right? Like, I have actually prayed for idiot many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times. I like because revenge is not mine to give. Revenge is not mine to seek. Now I am human and I'd like to hear about it. I'm only human, but I'm not gonna go after it myself. But I like to hear about if it happened, I'm not gonna have any involvement in it. I'm not gonna stir it up or create it or whatever, but I'd like to hear about it. I'm still human, right? But revenge isn't ours to give. And the thing is, is that some people cannot be forgiven for their actions. You can let it go, but that doesn't mean allowing them to come back in the picture because they're gonna do it again, right? And I know one of the things, like with your mother, I've said to her, to you, and I've said to her, and Faith said to her, you know, she made promises to Faith here that she would never abandon her and she would be there with her, and she, you know, and then the whole thing happened with the survivors stuff. We had gotten a whole bunch of stuff from somebody as a donation, and we were giving them to a bunch of women and children that had literally just left with nothing on their back, and it already been coordinated, and she went ballistic over it. And so I I said to you openly, I don't care if you want a relationship with your mother, that's your mother. And do you remember me when I told you that?

SPEAKER_01 36:52

I don't remember when, but I remember you did.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Yeah, if you want a relationship with her, that's your mom, that's your choice. But I don't have to, and faith doesn't have to, because when you say things to my child like that, you know, you can't treat my child one way and then expect to be treated a different way. And that's just true, you know. I mean, if you want to have something to do with her, you have to be respectful of her parents. You have to be, I mean, just be respectful. And that's not it. And you know, you and I are the kind of person, and we have said this across the board that if any of them had called or texted, sent smoke signals, whatever, we would have been like, look, we could put everything to the side while this is happening, you know, and we would have, because that is not the time nor the place to get in to any of the other stuff. But nobody did that. Nobody. I mean, even your brother that we helped after he got in that accident, nobody, I mean, no one even reached out, and that's made it even harder, you know, because the anytime anything happens, I mean, like the last time we talked to your mom when she was that way, it wasn't how is faith or how how is Victoria or how are you, Michael? And I told you on the phone with her, I don't care if she doesn't ask about me, you know, but it wasn't how is faith or how is Michael? It's oh, I had to have this or I had to have this done. And we're not talking about like an appendix taken out or cancer surgery. It was like, oh, I got a mole removed, or you know, something so tedious and small and you know, whatever in the scheme of things. We call them memes, and they're just like I know that God doesn't put more on our back than we can handle, and I think that's why I'm titanium because I don't think I can carry the weight limit. But I know for a fact they couldn't have survived what that little girl went through. There's no freaking way, there's no way, right? And we were carried through it, and I know that because I watched this little girl time and time again not want to wake up and code and seize and do all these things, and she's still she's in that next room as feisty as all get out. And no one else could have gone through and endured what she did and be as positive an outlook life as she has. Life is too short, it is too short. Yeah, it does. And it was at this time too, a couple years ago. But you know what? She has a great outlook on life, she has a positive outlook, she is happy, she is full of joy. What is their excuse for being ugly all day?

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Again, it's all about me. Mimi. You know.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

I mean, they justify being horribly, and you know what, they're unhappy. And it's their choice. You can choose to be happy, you could choose not to be happy.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

I'm extremely happy with my wife, my daughter, and my four dogs and our little bitty home.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Hopefully, we're not gonna be here that much longer.

Teaching Kids With Love And Consequences

SPEAKER_01 40:08

We have right current we currently have minuscule, very little trauma drama, but we try to live our life trauma, trauma-free. Right, because we don't like it. No, it's it's disruptive, it uh it's unhealthy. It gets in between the adults and the kids see it.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

And here's the thing as adults, it is our responsibility to prepare our children for the next phase of life. Like that is our responsibility. That's what we're supposed to do. But when you talk, like when you talk negatively in front of the children, you're preparing that child's state of mind for what they're gonna think and feel about those individuals because they look at you like, oh, you're my mom, you're my dad, you know. Oh, you know, and I like I told my daughter, I was like, I will never tell you to hold yourself in the position that I am in with my biological parents. I want you to come up with your own and I want you to decide on your own about them. I never said a word. If I ever heard them raise their voice to her, I immediately would bring her back and I would go handle it and say that's not acceptable. You know, I am forever grateful for them that they let us live there. It wasn't cost-free, trust me, it was not monetarily free. But I am forever grateful for them for that, you know. But did it come at a price? A hefty one, a life-altering one. It sure did. But, you know, at that time, I didn't have anywhere else to go. And I was taking care of my daughter. I mean, in that period of time, there was well over a hundred surgeries just between the two of us in that period, between Faith and I. And you can't do anything with that in 25 therapies a week, right? You're just constantly implementing therapies and feeding and tube feeds and tracheostomy changes and you know, everything else. And it's a challenging thing. It really, really is. But adults shouldn't badmouth other people to young kids, they shouldn't badmouth it at all, right? And black sheep, we don't start the fire, we just try to defend it. Like we will literally try to squash the lies about us and show the truth, which just infuriates the flame, really, because they don't want that. So they try to make us out to be these horrific people so that they're the better ones.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

So my wife and I, we don't speak negatively to our daughter. No, right? No, we do use the word no when we're training our puppies, our dog. But today alone, I I bet I've told my daughter at least three different times that I love her.

SPEAKER_00 42:56

And see what I love about that is she has been on air and said, when she's done teen talk, she said, My my family's never yelled at me. My parents, they've never yelled at me, they've never screamed at me. Like, unless we're upstairs and she's downstairs and we're like, hey, Faith, you know, that's different. But when she has done something like she forgot to do a book report, you know, but she has her phone, right? And we would go in there and say, Have you finished your book report? No, I haven't. I don't want to do it. And it's like, you know what? I love you, but I don't like the choice you just made here. You should have done that. It was your responsibility to do it, and you chose not to, so you chose to not have your phone for the weekend because you made the choice to choose the phone over the book report, right? And so we would always say that. And instead of be great be degrading and belittling them or her, we would say, I love you, but you chose. So I'm not taking the phone away from you. You're choosing to lose the phone for the weekend because you chose not to do what is your responsibility, and that's that. Book report. And doing it that way, you know, has such a difference in the upbringing of kids because they don't feel like, you know, why is it adults get to be the only ones who get a bad day? Why is it adults get to be grumpy and kids can't? Kids can't have a bad day. If a kid comes home from school and they were bullied or whatever and they are having a bad day and they tell their parents, I had a bad day, I just want to go to my room. You don't go to your room. You come sit this table and make the dinner and take out the trash and then they start getting yelled at on top of the fact they've already been yelled at at school, right? Give the kids a minute, just as you would want a minute if you went into your bedroom and you needed a minute to decompress. They can decompress too, right? There are times where you're like, I've had such a hard day and I got stuck in traffic. Could you do me a favor? And that's why you teamwork, you know? And then just say, hey, why can't you set the table for dinner? You know, I know you had a bad day at school. Why don't we have dinner and you tell me all about it? Because we don't allow electronics at the table. So there's no phones at the table, no hats at the table. And then we would say, Hey, so you had a bad day. Why don't you tell me about it? You know, I'm sorry. And then, you know, Faith would say, I'm sorry, I didn't get to set the table tonight. I've just had a lot on my mind, which we've heard this, you know, a gazillion times. And it's okay, you know. I'll I said it, dad cooked or defrosted it.

unknown 45:17

Dad cooked it.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Wait a minute now.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

And then you turn around, and it's a frozen waffle. And then you turn around and say, Hey, you know, and at the end, I guarantee you, because she does, she'll be like, I'll clean up. She does it every time.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

She does.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

You know, she'll be like, I'll do the dishes. Thank you. Thank you for doing this for me. I'm sorry. I just had so much on my mind right now. And there's a way to give and take because grown-ups have bad days too. Grown-ups get grumpy, you know. These kids have the right to have those times too. And so think of it when they come home and they're having these bad days. Think of it as let that be me for a minute. Let her have what I would need if I was in her or his shoes for a minute. Let him go in there and decompress. Let him go in there and just vent and scream, go into a pillow and yell into a pillow, or you know, go doodle or draw or write or tear something up, a piece of paper, you know, write something down and then tear up the piece of paper. And then we'll talk about it. And if I have to do the dishes or I have to set the table and cook, you know, Faith would always say, Hey, I'll clean up. Thanks for helping me. Let me help you. And it works. And our kids are happier because of it. It's showing respect, and then you're trying to get respect back.

SPEAKER_01 46:31

Yes. That was very good.

SPEAKER_00 46:35

No, thanks. Unscripted.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Very unscripted.

Decompression After Bad Days

SPEAKER_00 46:38

That's very unscripted. No.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

Are you gonna be scripted with a Rom?

SPEAKER_00 46:44

God no. I'm so excited about that. It's like a little kid at Christmas. Open, open, open, open.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Mr. Mustabai.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

You're finally getting it. And it's Amir. You said Aram. A Rom was his actor name. I mean his character name.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

Black list.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

He has a birthday coming up.

SPEAKER_01 47:03

I don't know what I don't know what he's produced in Broadway.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

I haven't looked at the Oh my god, he's in everything. I'm so excited. I'm like a little kid. I mean, seriously, he's he's co-hosting, and he's I'm just like he's such an you know what? Even if he was not Amir, which he's Amir, but and he's been in all my favorite shows. He's just the nicest guy. Like he's so nice, you know, and he's so genuine and fun.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

And see it in his eyes, he's genuine.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

Oh yeah, and I mean, he's just I'm like so excited because you know, and I I've talked to a lot of celebrities a lot, and I've never starstruck. I'm not starstruck with him, I'm excited because he's so nice.

SPEAKER_01 47:49

No, you met Peanut Head, and he's got one of the biggest smiles.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Peanut head?

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

Who's Peanut Head?

SPEAKER_01 47:56

You call him Peanut Head because you saw him driving in downtown Atlanta.

SPEAKER_00 48:00

You talk about the rock.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Yeah. See? That attitude right there. Why? Because he was what?

Celebrity Stories And Relationship Respect

SPEAKER_00 48:08

No, we always give everything away. Like when Faith has anything, you know, when she would get anything, when we did our make a wish, she gave all of her stuff, right? Every year we've done fundraisers, and every year we're like, Does there one toy you want? No, you're giving me my Christmas wish. And we've raised between two and 400, 200 and 400 toys a year. We filled our pediatrician's doctor's office, we filled facilities for long-term care, just all sorts of, you know, people that were in surgery because the hospital was going to get taken care of. Right. So we were offered tickets, and I don't remember the show because I blocked it out because I wasn't happy about it. It was filmed here in Atlanta, and it was kind of like, what was it? It was kind of like American Ninja or whatever, but the rock, it was his show. It was the rock show. And it was kind of like American Ninja, but it was kind of the same thing. And he had a very special VIP section, right? And we were given tickets. And so she used to have a mad crush on the rock, like mad crush, right? And so it was arranged that she was gonna get to meet him and see him and talk to him. And oh, you don't understand, Mom. Now, this is funny if you know Faith, because Faith is the biggest tomboy ever. Mom, I have to get my nails done. I have to get my hair done. I have to get a dress, I have to find accessories to match the dress. I have to find my earrings. I have to find this and this, right? I mean, toity, toity to know it. And she's like, Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. Oh my god. So excited. I called up. Luckily, I called up. I called down there and I was like, we have VIP tickets. How does this work? Oh, you come to the studio, you park in this parking section, and then we bus you over. You have to be here by this time, and you get sit first, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

unknown 50:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 50:01

Well, then they said she had to be over a certain age. And I was like, but she's not over that age. Well, she can't sit in the VIP section. What? And I was like, I see contestants run up and hug their significant other and their kids. And they're like, right, but they're not right there. The VIP section is like basically on the floor. And so there's a possibility that they could get hurt, somebody could get hurt, whatever, whatever. And I was like, well, what if we didn't go to the VIP and we just went and so she could meet them and then we'd leave. No, that's not how it works. That's not how we have everything set up. That's not, nope, it's not how it works. She was so devastated. I had even the way I told her about these tickets is I spent like, I don't even know how much, and got her a life-size. You remember this? I got her a life-size picture of the rock. And I had it in her bedroom. And I surprised her. I mean, the thing looked real. She walked in and she almost craped on herself when she saw it. And she ran up and in his hand was an envelope that I had taped on there. And it was the tickets to go and see him. And this little kid was so excited to meet The Rock. I mean, she was elated. And this kid never, and you know this, never asks for anything. Ever. And I was so honestly mad at myself because I got the tickets from the children's hospital. So I thought, okay, we're all good, right? They fine, no worries. I see kids on the show where they're hugging their dad or mom that are contestants. So I was like, okay, I don't see an issue. So I just called before we went to say, how does this work? You know, blah, blah, blah. We're VIP, whatever. And to find out she couldn't sit there because her age, I was so upset with myself that I even presented her the tickets that she even knew about it because I had to go and break her heart and tell her she couldn't meet her idol, which was The Rock. And to this day, she's never met him. Right? And he used to live like 10 minutes from us. Seriously. Like we used to see him on his motorcycle at red lights and stuff. And she'd be so cute. She's like, Oh, my hair's not done, mom. I'm like, he's at a red light across the street. Mom, oh my god, look at me. I can't be seen like this. I'm like, I promise he's not seeing you. He doesn't see you. You know, but the thing is, this is a beautiful little girl, right? And so, yeah, no. No. So, no, I've never been starstruck about any of that. I mean, we've talked to a lot of really big celebrities, and and to me, they're just like you and me. Well, no, I can't say that. They're just like you and Faith. Y'all put your clothes on the same way. I don't, because I'm one-handed. So I can't put my clothes on the same way as y'all do anymore. But we're all the same person. Just some people have bigger paychecks. There's some people that if you excuse me, if you said, babe, this person really wants to come on the show. They really want to come on. Certain people. I have a list. Certain people, no way in God's green creation. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 53:05

And then there's some Johnny Depp. Keanu Reeves. Jason Statham.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

You know, I'm glad you mentioned him before we go. I want to tell you something. I saw an interview with him. Uh-huh. And I've always had such respect for him as a former martial artist.

unknown 53:23

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 53:24

He has been dating the same girl for like a long time. I don't want to misconstrue the dates, but it's a long, long time. They have kids together, right? She's much younger. And he they asked, why don't we ever see you hugging other women? Like at premieres or fans. And he says, I don't touch another woman. He says, I he has two other brothers. And he said, I do not walk up and hug fans. I do not go up and kiss a fan, a female on the on the cheek or whatever. I if I'm standing next to somebody at a premiere, and I've noticed that in a lot of pictures, if he's standing next to a woman in a premiere, he always has his hands in his pockets, right? And they asked him, Why do you do that? And he says, it's out of respect for my partner. Because, and you realize he's normally out of the limelight. Like he's not really in the limelight very much. And he says, It's because I try to have a Hollywood-free personal life. And I have so much respect for my partner that I make sure that there's never a question of loyalty and respect for her. And I was like, oh, that just magnified the respect I had for him. Right? But I'm telling you, there is a list of people that if you said babe, they they reached out, they want to come on. I would say no. I wouldn't even I wouldn't even contradict or or contemplate is the word I'm looking for. I wouldn't even contemplate. I'd be like, this is not up for just absolutely not. And I'd bet many people would be surprised who's on the list. But I'm just saying, there is a list.

SPEAKER_01 54:56

Well, we look forward to having uh Amir on our show.

SPEAKER_00 54:59

I am like a kid at Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 55:01

Because uh he was genuinely a nice person.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

I did have someone ask me, do I think Amir or Scott Hamilton's gonna be the nicer? Oh that's tough. I don't know because I haven't interviewed Amir and we're not really interviewing, we're co-hosting together. We've had lots of interactions with another, like in messaging and text and videos and things like that. Scott Hamilton's pretty stand-up nice too, but I think they they win it individually in their own way.

SPEAKER_01 55:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:28

But we'll let you know after the recording.

SPEAKER_01 55:31

Yeah. So if you need to listen to uh Container Smile, Unstoppable with Victoria and Michael.

SPEAKER_00 55:38

My husband's falling asleep.

SPEAKER_01 55:41

I can't am. I'm full from that salad. I had a big old salad, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 55:44

With nasty stuff in it.

SPEAKER_01 55:46

What cheese?

SPEAKER_00 55:47

No, that's not the nasty stuff. You had black olives.

SPEAKER_01 55:50

You don't like black olives. So nasty. I'll make them green next time.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

No, I don't want olives at all. Gross.

unknown 55:56

Gross.

Closing And Next Episode Tease

SPEAKER_01 55:57

Thank y'all for listening.

SPEAKER_00 55:59

Say bye.

SPEAKER_01 56:01

Bye, y'all.