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A Contagious Smile Podcast
Stop surviving and start thriving. A Contagious Smile is a globally ranked podcast providing a safe haven for abuse survivors and special needs families navigating the journey of trauma recovery. Whether you are healing from domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, childhood trauma, or the daily challenges of disability advocacy, our mission is to turn your pain into power.
Each episode features raw, authentic conversations with survivors, mental health experts, and advocates who share actionable resources for PTSD healing, resilience building, and emotional wellness. We go beyond the struggle to highlight the triumphs of the special needs community, offering support for caregivers and individuals with disabilities who are rewriting their own narratives.
Hosted by Victoria Cuore, an award-winning trauma advocate and survivor, this podcast delivers the "blueprints" for recovery—not just Band-Aids. Join our community to find hope, humor, and the unstoppable spirit needed to rekindle your inner light.
A Contagious Smile Podcast
What Legacy Are You Really Building
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
The scariest thing you can do in a family built on masks is tell the truth out loud. We sit down as Michael and Victoria and talk through a chain of stories that start with a simple change, Victoria’s hair after surgeries, and quickly turn into a deeper conversation about identity, grief, and what we refuse to chase anymore. Along the way, Victoria shares a Make-A-Wish memory where she handed scissors to a beautiful little girl who wanted to be a redhead, a moment that still shapes how we think about giving, letting go, and what actually matters.
Then we get into the real heart of it: our daughter Faith is grown, brave, and ready to reach out to Victoria’s biological parents after years of no contact. We talk about closure vs reconciliation, why she feels she needs to say her piece, and how we support her even when we expect silence in return. If you are navigating narcissistic parents, family estrangement, or healing from toxic family dynamics, you will hear language for what you may have lived: the black sheep role, the way stories get rewritten, and how “respect” gets used as a weapon instead of something earned.
We also zoom out to legacy. We talk about money, image, and the emptiness of performance when your home is cold, plus the hard reality of caregiving and hospital life where showing up is the only currency that counts. Victoria even shares a moment about book reviews for “Narc Narc Who's There” and why truth can feel like battery acid to people invested in denial.
If this hits close to home, subscribe so you do not miss what’s coming, share the episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others find us. What boundary are you ready to set this week?
Welcome, Banter, And Puppies
SPEAKER_01You gotta start over. I'm not starting over. Howdy, y'all. Welcome to another episode. Crazy contagious smile here. Unfiltered. Unstoppable. Unfiltered. Unfiltered.
SPEAKER_02Always. Hi babe.
SPEAKER_01So you're here with Michael and Victoria, who has made a decision to change her hair.
SPEAKER_02Wow, you just dropped that right on out. Look at that. Look on the camera. Look at those two sweet girls, our little puppies. They're so cute.
SPEAKER_01So y'all know how you women are.
SPEAKER_02No, that's not fair, because I don't change like that. In that aspect, I don't. In that aspect, I don't.
SPEAKER_01I don't. You women with long hair won't short hair. You women with short hair won't long hair.
SPEAKER_02No, I've never been that way.
SPEAKER_01Okay. If you're blind, you want to go brunette. If you're brunette, you want to go redhead.
SPEAKER_02Everybody wants to be a redhead.
SPEAKER_01Oh lord.
SPEAKER_02Anyway, no. I was born
Hair, Surgeries, And Color Changes
SPEAKER_02natural red, and I've been red forever. And then after all my surgeries, the anesthesia actually like drank my color. And it was horrible. Drink it! So movie. I don't know. Um what left weird signs. I've never seen it.
SPEAKER_01Never seen weird signs?
SPEAKER_02Not the whole movie. Oh. Not the whole thing. Anyway, so being our daughter Faith is actually also a natural red. I decided to continue on and not just let it be bland from all the anesthesia, and I was dying it red. And so with that being said, I am just at this point where I'm tired of going and dying it all the time. But it has been like GIJ in short because when I went to our make a wish, I saw a beautiful three-year-old little miracle girl who was as bald as the day she was born. She was so, so beautiful. And she wanted to be a redhead. So I handed her a pair of scissors, and little did I know, she wanted to go for my eye, I guess, because she cut it that high. So I was like, there's nothing I can do with this.
SPEAKER_01How many feet?
SPEAKER_02Four and a half feet of hair.
SPEAKER_01Four and a half feet.
SPEAKER_02And a fiery, fiery, fiery redhead. Faith was like, oh my god. Like she, and I kept saying it's just hair. Absolutely. I wouldn't hesitate. And so, you know, I stayed in contact with her mom and her. She did pass away, but she wore that hair, like you know, that beautiful miracle she was. And yeah, it's just hair. I do it again. And so my hair now is like brown-ish from all the up here. No, I'm talking about from all the anesthesia and stuff.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And after this nasty surgery that I just finished,
The Make-A-Wish Hair Donation
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna do something. My husband's had this hankering for dark hair forever and ever and ever.
SPEAKER_01Not true now.
SPEAKER_02Whatever, it is true.
SPEAKER_01That was back in the day.
SPEAKER_02And so I'm I'm gonna do a little extreme makeover.
SPEAKER_01So you might see some of the website photos change. It's still my wife, it's still Victoria. She's just gonna have dark hair.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but you know what? That's just not even it. Like, okay, it's just hair, so let's move on. I want to talk about something that there's a few things, actually. Number one so our daughter who is just so full of life and love and light, and she has just the biggest heart, right? She she came to me and she says that she wanted to reach out to my egg and sperm donor. And there were some things that she really felt deep down inside she needed to say to them. And we have been no contact again for a long time again. Like, I mean, when I first met my husband, I had been 10 years without talking to him, and then you know, we went and they decided not to be a part of mine and my daughter's life in the beginning, and then they came back around and they've been no contact again, and then they popped up again a year ago. And oh, I'm doing that. My husband's watching my arm to see if it's having a seizure. I'm trying to anyway, so we haven't heard from them in a year, and the last time they spoke to us, it was to complain that uh my sperm donor told me I had no idea what it was like to tend to someone who has medical needs because his wife had a stroke, but she really didn't function like someone who had had a complete stroke, like she was able to walk, talk, you know, do those other things. She wasn't like bedbound, she wasn't any of those things. It's like when you say I've had a stroke and I'm taking care of somebody, I'm thinking hospice or bedbound or you know, like not able to get up and function and go out and eat and do all those things. Like that to me, yeah, they could have had a stroke, but you
Faith Seeks Closure With Bio Family
SPEAKER_02also could have that shot in that three-hour period and reversed it and yada yada yada. So, anyway, it's it's so mind-boggling to me because what is the most irritating thing to a narcissist is the truth. Like they don't want truth to be known. And the black sheep, you know, it's so ironic because you think about it and it's like, I'm your mom and dad, you're supposed to respect me. Well, I'm the child, and you're supposed to teach respect. Respect is earned, you know. Oh, well, I've done so much for you. Well, you're the parent, you know, and I have openly thanked them for providing shelter. I've openly thanked them. I mean, you know, I didn't go into the prerequisite afterwards about what I paid to be there, but yes, they did. They gave us shelter and I and I thanked them. I literally pray every single night when I go to bed and I pray for them every single night when I go to bed. I don't want anything negative to happen to them. I don't want anything negative to happen. If revenge is not mine to give, and so I'm not that way. But a narcissist's worst nightmare is the black sheep telling the truth. Because in a house full of narcissists, everybody's wearing a mask except the black sheep, but the black sheep's made to be the liar, or the black sheep's made to be, you know, this horrible person that nobody should listen to or trust or or anything. But you know, I sit back and I look at all of that, and I think they are so unhappy and so miserable. And I feel bad because nobody in this life, because life is not long enough, should have to endure that kind of misery. And then you think about it, and it's like, you know, babe, would you trade our family and our unconditional love to have the materialistic things that they have? No, and you know, that's just it. Money does not keep you warm. Why are you making a circle back?
SPEAKER_01Circle back to our daughter.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so she has some things that she wants to say, and she reached out and we supported her, and they you know, are not choosing to respond. And what's really sad is she made it clear it was her, and they're not gonna answer her. And you know, at the end of the day, this kid, this young lady has been through hell in a handbasket. You know, we almost lost her close to three years ago now, and she went into complete organ failure, and they knew about this, like they actually knew about this. And the answer was, well, I think I tried to send a text, right? They live an hour away. It's not like they were in another country. I would have had my ass on a plane, but that's just me, and that's not you know, passing judgment. So she wants to say some things, she wants to have a conversation, and you know, I think she's owed that, but I'm supporting her in her decision, and you know, I've always told her from the jump that I want her to make her own decisions on things like this. So I'm just trying to support her. I mean, what are your thoughts on this, babe? I mean, we know what's gonna happen, we've seen this a hundred thousand times. I mean, you know, what do you do?
SPEAKER_01Like you said, support your daughter, back her up, let her have the closure she needs to to feel complete inside, to feel at ease, to feel at peace, knowing she spoke her mind, she didn't hold anything back. This is not a gripe, a cuss session. No, this is you know a release for her so that she can move on because, like she said, these folks are like in their 80s or right at 80. So they will not be around much longer. Okay, they're not in good health now. There's some medical issues, and she wants to, you know, move on with her life. So she wants to put this behind her and say, Look, I'm washing my hands of you, telling you what I feel. I've held it back for so long. My mom has been a bridge shield before me, and now I I'm an adult. I'm I'm grown up and I want to speak my mind. And she has every right.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but you know what? Really, it just boggles my mind. And and no matter how you look at it, someone who isn't like that can never comprehend. It's like no matter what you do, you can never comprehend being a serial killer unless you are one, right? You can't be in the mind of it. You can try to interpret it and dissect it, but like I remember, and I wouldn't have traded my grandparents for a gazillion dollars, but my biological mother walked away from her parents after she met my sperm donor, right? And I never got the opportunity to make my own decision and make my own judgment on if I wanted a relationship with them. Like she went cold turkey and never spoke to them again, ever. And when I turned in my 20s, I wanted to see why. Is it why were we not allowed the option or choice? And even if I had both, I still would have stayed with mine. I mean, it doesn't mean I wouldn't have I wouldn't have alienated them, I wouldn't have, but I still think we should have made the decision. Growing up, I was told that the reason that there was no relationship is because her parents were you can't say racist, but what would you say? Like they they didn't support her husband's religion and religious beliefs. They didn't believe it in his religious beliefs, and so that was a big problem. And that they didn't, you know, they thought that, you know, sh they didn't like him. And
Finding Grandparents And The Real Story
SPEAKER_02so this is kind of how I grew up with this mindset of who they were. So when I was in my early 20s, I went and found them. And I walk in to the, you know, I meet them, I go to their their house and I go and meet them, and I'm dumbfounded because A, I learned where I get my red hair from because her mom was a redhead. And I look and there's pictures on the wall. It's an old, old house. Like, and I understand, you know, everybody's a working class person, well, for the most part. But these were working class people, you know, who were still working, you know, older people, and they had pictures of my egg donor on the wall. There were pictures, and they weren't like, oh, she's coming over, we're gonna meet her for the first time. Let's put some pictures on the wall, right? Like you can tell they had been there a long time. There were dust on the pictures, there were settled pictures on the walls, right? And there weren't like an abundance of them, but there was enough, you know. And I said, Can I ask what happened? Can I ask, you know, how this transpired? And they told me a totally different story. And I found out at the time that her biological dad was very, very sick. And he told me that his dying wish was to see her again. And I was like, Oh, now I know how I am, I know where this is gonna go. It's gonna get really ugly very quickly. And her sister was there, and so like I had no relationship with my aunt growing up. I mean, I had nothing to do with her, and what's like ironic in the whole thing is like her sister is is there and her parents, and in walks her sister or my aunt's husband, who happens to be of the same religious denomination as the one I was told they hated. So, I mean, that's kind of and they had been married longer. So it wasn't like, oh, well, she did it, so I'm gonna marry this religion. It wasn't her older sister had already been married into this prior, whatever. And so I end up really battling, if you will, the whole like, do I go tell my egg donor? Do I not, you know? And then I was like, I can't go to bed at night, put my head on the pillow, and say, I didn't try. Because if something happened and he passes away and she didn't have that opportunity, I'm the one who has to live with it. Right. So I remember calling them and saying, I know I don't want to do this, but I need to come talk to y'all. And we were on the outskirts of going no contact at that point again. And I went, I left my apartment. It was pretty late in the evening, and I got there. Now, here's the kicker: this is my biological parents' house, and I never, when I didn't reside there, I never had a key to their house. Like I'd have to ring the doorbell like a guest. I was not allowed in, but the siblings had keys, I never did. And so they open the door, I go upstairs and into their bedroom, and they're sitting there on their bed, and it's as cold as Antarctica, but hot as Hades, because like the two of them together is always cold and distant, but the room was always hot. And I was like, I don't want to do this to start anything, but I just want you to know I met your parents. And then I thought, hell just open and I'm gonna get swallowed. And I will never forget that she looked at me and I was like, he's dying, and he really wants to see you. And I was stunned because my sperm donor said, Why don't you see what he has to say? I was stunned because I didn't expect that, right? And I was like, wait, what? And I said, they had a totally different version of why the communication stopped. And their answer was, well, they didn't reach out to us, it's always one-sided with them. Like they didn't reach out to us. Okay, if they did, would you have talked to them? Probably not. You know, I'm looking at a phone right now that nobody's responded to. So I said he's dying. His wish is to see you one last time and talk with you. He has pictures of you all over their house. I saw your sister, you know. I wasn't in there like berating them, I wasn't in there belittling them. It was like, I wanted answers. I went and saw them. That's not the point. I'm here to tell you because and I told her, I was like, I can't imagine not telling you this, and then I am passing away. And she basically said, He's been dead to me all these years. I could care less if he dropped tomorrow. And I was like, What? And she's like, I don't care. And it was dumbfounding to me that you could just walk like that and not have anything to do with them. I mean, they were not my grandparents, you know what I mean? They were not like the angels of mercy, like I said, I consider my grandparents, but they seem decent people. And this is his dying witch, he wanted to see her. And she refused. I mean, even to take a couple of hours out of your time, I mean, he was never abusive. Apparently, it was a big thing about they had no money, and this family does, and you know, the prerequisite power of having money and having expensive things, blah, blah, blah, and they didn't have it at the time or whatever. And she wouldn't give talk to him. And so that was a decision she had to make, but I felt better at the fact that I, you know, did try to make that meeting happen. And I sit back and think now, you know, now the tables have turned, are they gonna do the exact same thing?
SPEAKER_01Oh, you said this was this is the first time I've heard your story. You said this was in your twenties, so this was right after your grandmother passed.
SPEAKER_02My grandmother had already passed.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay. That was in my early twenties.
SPEAKER_01I understand why they made that comment then. So so the knife that severed the tie with your egg donor and and her biological was simply the fact that they were biased against that religion.
SPEAKER_02Supposedly what it was something else. They had a different version. They basically said, I mean, she was living there, my egg donor was living there, and she had had a daughter, and she had been married and divorced, and they just said, Look, you just met this guy. And the day she met him, he pulled up in a brand new convertible sports car, and she saw money, right? And she saw a way to get out, right? Like a way to go from, you know, the metaphorically speaking, the trailer park to the mansion, right? And so she basically the day she saw him, she told her parents, I'm gonna marry him the day she saw him. And so they were like, Could you kind of like slow your roll a little bit? Could you, you know, and yes, they they did tell me the same thing that my egg donor did. My egg donor told me that they made her pay rent and they made her help out around the house. Well, they didn't live in a 10,000 square foot home, they lived in a very small, humble place, humble home that they had been in since she, you know, was a child. Very, very tiny home. But they've been in, they they said they had been in the home like 50 years or so.
SPEAKER_01And well, sometimes that it's that's what parents do to make their kids grow up. Well, here's responsibility, start the rent.
SPEAKER_02They also told me flat out that they were paycheck to paycheck, right? And then the utilities were more now that she was there with her daughter, and the food costs were more and all this other stuff, and so they, you know, had asked her, you know, to help out. So, yes, that part of the version of story was consistent on both sides. But they had just they told me that they had asked her to kind of slow down a little bit so that you know she didn't rush in or whatever, and then my sperm donor proposed to her in a dirty hairy movie by telling her it would be cheaper to marry you than to keep driving out to pick you up.
SPEAKER_01So this is a very typical scenario where the parents lie to the children and and tell one sided only.
SPEAKER_02Right. They never ever thought any of us would ever find out. Oh, I know.
SPEAKER_01During after the divorce of my parents, you know, he was this way, he did this to me, he it's all his fault, blah blah blah. And then we find out from the other side, hey, there's another side to this coin you didn't know about. Right? So yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and then you know, they turn around and and say whatever they want to say, but I mean, you know, they were they were nice. I mean, I didn't I stayed in remote contact with them, I just didn't feel like they were family per se, because I didn't have the chance to grow up with them or anything, and then he did pass and she never reached out. And and I think the whole reason for this around the way fillet conversation is is because you know around the way fillet. You never heard that term? No, okay.
SPEAKER_01Is it a Yankee term?
SPEAKER_02No, I don't remember where I heard it.
SPEAKER_01Around the fillet.
SPEAKER_02Around the way fillet.
SPEAKER_01Round the way fillet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02Anyway, so it it's it's the whole thing that like if you how can you not want to reach out? But the thing is, so many people are like, how could you have done this to your parents after all they did to you? I'm still the child. I'm still the child. Here's the thing. And what I love about faith is faith is like you have to respect my mom because my mom is has been the one that's been there for me nonstop. She still remembers asking them, will you stay in the hospital with us tonight? I have a major surgery tomorrow and I'm scared. And their answer was, No, I'm not gonna lose my bed. I I need to be in my comfy bed, you know, which I would have slept on the floor and basically did. You know, I go home when she goes home. That's the mentality that a parent should have.
SPEAKER_01And just like when uh Faith and I stayed at the hospital with you.
SPEAKER_02That was my first hospitalization for night in one year.
SPEAKER_01We knew you you were gonna be scared, and it's a trigger. And yes, we we still have four dogs here in the house. Did they mess things up? Yes, but that wasn't the priority.
SPEAKER_02But we had left plenty of food and water. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And my wife was the priority, and that's where we stayed.
SPEAKER_02And you know, the thing is is just when you have family, they're who come first. Like, and you know what the thing is, and I used to get so ridiculed, babe, and I'll be honest with you about this. No matter what, I well, I used to be the excuse
Respect, Boundaries, And No Contact
SPEAKER_02for adulterative affairs on my sperm donor side. And I would say I'd be your biggest cheerleader if you just did the right thing here, you know, do the honorable thing here. And I learned things that there's no way I would have known. And I don't know how he covered that up with her. But because I was the black sheep, you know, they play this the siblings away from each other so that there's no relationship there. And he used to say, Oh, I'm going to go out with the girls. And then he would do that to go see his women. And that's horrible. And then he'd be like, You he would say to me, you need to get laid or you need to get, you know, whatever. Like the most disgusting thing is, okay, I had a shoulder replacement. And they came to me and said, There's no way I'm going to try to be, you know, polite about it. I had to have a breast reduction because I was to-heavy. And they told me after my shoulder replacement that the boulder holder, the bra, couldn't hold them and not damage my shoulder again. And so I had to have a reduction. So my sperm donor, hand to God, says, Well, you know, men like big breasts. And what size are you going to go down to? And, you know, if you're all scarred up there, nobody's going to want to play with them. And I'm like, okay, this is wildly inappropriate for a father to say to a daughter. Like it made me incredibly uncomfortable as it was. And he's like, well, what size are you going to go down to? Like, you know, you know, oh my God, what are they going to do? What's it going to look like? Can I see your scar? And I'm like, oh my God, that's disgusting. Yes. And it, it I mean, it's just, these are things that you never ever would say, ever. And see, the thing is, is a lot of time when we did stay with them, and you know this, we had our own suite, if you will, in their mansion. And if Faith decided to like run downstairs and get something to drink or something, and she saw them, they would always start with her. Well, she'd run back up and tell me, and then I would say, stay here. I'm gonna be right back. I mean, I wasn't gonna exclude her. They were never there, but when they were there, it was only very short periods of time, as you know. But that is just something that I would never say. As a parent, you just don't say to your kid, you know. And if you have to have this done, you have to have it done. Like it wasn't an elective surgery, anything of that nature. And, you know, I've had so many people say, Well, isn't part of it his fault for putting him in your life? And the thing is, is yeah, but if I took as much time being consumed about it as they would want me to be, then I wouldn't be where I am right now. And you know, I'm happy to say, and I'm hoping my husband will be shocked, that you know, in the last like month, I have really broken a lot of barriers in the fact that I have covered up completely for over 20 years, like wrist to ankle, covered up, huge baggy clothes, like you know, go shopping. I hate shopping, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate go shopping. But when I would go and look for clothes, I'd get like 3x. And I'm doing that in men's. And now I'm in a medium, women's, you know, and like I bought tank tops for the very first time ever in over 20 years, ever. And I have one on right now. And like I told my husband at lunch today that I saw the cutest long skirt, and I saw it with someone wearing a really cute little tank top with it, and I was like, I can do that. And I ordered the skirt, and I was like, I can't believe I just did that. Like, it's a coming of age because you know, yes, and I told this again to my husband, my left arm is deformed beyond recognition. It really is, because I've had so many surgeries done, it's like 19 to that arm, where it is all scars. It's like a roadmap in its own right. And, you know, when you do nerve transpositions and nerve transfers and muscle transfers and ligaments and all of that crap in there and four tens units and two implanted device. I mean, it's like a partridge in a pear tree, and it it's totally disfigured. And I actually walked out of the bathroom and and I said, My arm is never gonna look like it did when we dated 25 years ago. And I still showed it, which was shocking to me because I just don't foresee that I would have done that. If you had asked me six months ago, I'd been like, nope. Nope. Okay, just say it because your face is just screaming something all over it.
SPEAKER_01My wife is extremely beautiful.
SPEAKER_02You're trying to stay awake. You've had two naps today, and you didn't even wake up till two.
SPEAKER_01I'm just I'm I'm looking at you, picturing you. Pictury what? And that little dress that you just bought.
SPEAKER_02I didn't buy a dress. I'm talking about that skirt thing. Well, it's not here yet. But I'm just saying, like, I can't imagine. And I mean, you know, the thing is, is both my grandparents literally on their deathbed individually told my sperm donor, you better take care of my grandbaby. And he openly states to me, I broke my promise to them. And the thing is, is that you know, pencils have erasers, and I'm always put under scrutiny, I'm always put under the microscope because I'm supposedly this bad one. You know, I'm gonna tell you a scenario
Protecting Faith When Adults Fail
SPEAKER_02that that transpired. And one day I was at Band Camp. I was upstairs on our side of the house, which is completely different away from them, and I heard yelling. And so I went down there, and I'm gonna tell you exactly, I'll give you a code word for who it was, and you'll be like shoeless. It was shoeless. And he was over there, and this is somebody who used to make my sperm donor money. And Faith was down there trying to get pudding, like a little pudding cup, pudding, pudding cup, and he started this main this thing, pudding sounds good right now, started to raise his voice and yell at my daughter. And I was like, What do I hear? Like, I just hear a male's voice, right? And so immediately I'm like tuning in and I was like, What? So I hear I hear Faith open up a can of verbal whoop ass because she ain't having it, and I go down there and I'm like, what's going on? And he decided just just to continue. And I'm like, I don't think so. So I said, Faith goes upstairs. She's like, Do I have to? And I'm like, yes. And she's like, Are you about to get like mommy mommy? And I'm like, yep. She goes, I don't want to go anywhere. And I was like, get upstairs because I would never do it in front of her because it's, you know, she doesn't need to be there for it. She's like, Come on, mom, I want to hear. And so I said, No, I waited for her to go upstairs. And I was like, What is your malfunction? And I'm turning around and I look, and both of my egg and sperm donor are standing right there. And I was like, You're allowing someone to raise their voice to my child and make all of these comments about her medically. And he's sitting there saying how miserable he is in life, and he'd never go through another surgery, and and he just wants to take his own life and all this crap. And you're letting him say all this in front of my daughter, who's had numerous, countless surgeries, and you're not saying anything. Do you know? First of all, he wouldn't be in my house. Second of all, the minute that trap under his nose opened and something derogatory came out of it about my child, they would have found him in pieces on the front yard because he's getting the hell up out of my house right then and there. And neither one of them said a thing. They actually looked at me and said, Victoria, he makes us money. Be quiet. What? No. And what pissed me off is I was still under the reins of him, my sperm donor, because my sperm donor would be like, Oh, he's a great person, he's a good friend, I've known him forever, whatever. And then the minute he'd walk away, he'd be like, That son of a bitch, you know, like he knows his wife's cheating on him every which way, left, right, and center. He's driving under the influence of narcotics. He's such a pain in the ass. He cries every day to me on the phone. He won't go wear shoes anywhere he goes. Everybody laughs at him and mocks him. You know, he's such an idiot. He quit his job and blew his entire retirement. He has no money, he has no nothing. And, you know, his wife hates his guts. I mean, I knew all sorts of stuff I would never have known had he not told me. And instead of just degrading this idiot in front of him, I didn't do it. And I was like, you know, he was telling me, he was like, as a medical mom, you're the best that there is, but you suck as a human being. I mean, he just started shredding me. And the biological parents stood there and said nothing. So I told him to get off the property. I was trumped. He said, you know, you're not gonna tell them that. Okay, well, guess what? Whenever you come over here, if they're not here, I'm not letting you in. See how that how that's gonna work? He had COVID a few weeks later, and they were like, Well, he can come in. And I'm like, he has to wear a mask. No, she had such a low immune system that if she got sick, it could have killed her. And he's like, Well, she's making he's making me money. I was like, he can go around the whole house downstairs and go in through the backback garages down that way. Nope, let him in. I didn't do it, I didn't let him in. And then he would start crying in the driveway about this, and this is what I'm saying. Then and you've met him, you saw how he is. I mean, you know, and then here's the kicker. So he ends up, you know, everybody leaves him, they hate him, they want nothing to do with him. And my sperm donor is like, nope, he makes me money, he makes me money. And then when we caught up with them, the the sperm and egg donor, the last time we talked to them, like a year ago, I said, Did you know, did he commit suicide? He's like, I don't know, I haven't talked to him since he stopped making me any money anymore. And I was like, I just want to the reason I mentioned this long, stupid story is I said to him, I said, wait a minute. So because he stopped making you money, you stopped speaking to him. But when he degraded and devalued and belittled my child, you didn't care. And you didn't care when he went off on me because he made you money. And he's like, Yeah. And I was like, Are you kidding me? Like, are you for real? And that's what I don't understand. It's because my husband and I are so different. I don't care who you are. If you are in my home and you open your mouth, that and you talk disrespectfully about someone in my family, it is over.
SPEAKER_01She didn't mean we're different, she meant we're on the same page.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Like, not different from each other.
SPEAKER_02No, no, right. I'm saying that w we're different from them. Like, we are not, you know, you open your trap about somebody I love, and it's you just open the door. Like, welcome. I'm gonna, hey, how you doing? And the thing is, is I won't scream and I won't raise my voice and I'm not gonna yell at you, which frustrates you even more because you're gonna want that. You want that rebuttal, you want that because it infuriates you and adds your fire. And when you don't get it, it it irritates you. But like, you know, I can't tell you how many times I would hear how could you do this to your family after everything they've done to you? You know, look at all that they've done to you. Well, do you have any idea what they've done to me? I mean, you know, they go out there, they're elderly parents, you know. Look at all they've done. Are you really gonna leave them in their time of need? Well, I'm sorry, where were they when you know we almost lost our daughter? Oh, we thought we sent a text, a text, a text message, a freaking text message. Really? That's what you did, you know. I mean, that's what's crazy. You'll chase a hundred dollars down a sewer drain, literally, but a text message, and that's why you and I'll never be able to comprehend and wrap our head around the brain or lack thereof of a narcissist because of the fact that it's just stunning about how
Money, Legacy, And Telling The Truth
SPEAKER_02their their way of priorities are so different. They just don't care. It's only about you know one thing. And I don't care if you're cremated or you're fed to a fishing pond or a snake pit or you're buried under a tree. You can't, I mean, you could take it with you. You're gonna write yourself a check and stick it in your ass. I mean, what are you gonna do? But the thing is, is that your coffin can be lined up with, you know, hundred dollar bills, liberaci. But and people are like, who's liberaci? Go to Google him. But like at the end of the day, you're dead. So, like, is that the legacy you want to leave? Like, I have not gone a single day since either or of my grandparents have passed away that I don't think of them and love them and miss them immensely. And when someone passes, you want the good, great memories to live on. That's their legacy. What is our sperm and egg donors legacy gonna be? What is your sperm egg donor legacy gonna be, you know, of yours? And and you know, you think about that, and it's like now you have time to do something that shows, and it's so funny. I was talking to Daniel Ryan Coulter last night, who I just think the world of, and he's so sweet. And he said to me, Did you see that I did a post? I did a review on your book of Narc Narc Who's There. And I said, I did, and you were so sweet. He was like, Look, let me tell you something. And he was like, you know, I'm in the middle of it, and bless his heart, he is. He is just going through it, and he was like, When I went in there and read, first of all, you look at the all of your other reviews, and you have like hundred five-star reviews everywhere, and then you have like four one-star. And he was like, and the names are so obviously fictitious, and they're so stupid, the names are so obviously made up. They those have to be the family members who are writing these reviews. And he was like, and you know what? You awoken the demons within them because the truth is like battery acid to them. Because literally, you know, when you lie as they do, and they blame everything on you, then that's what makes them happy, is to have their own misery, the misery that they could they are consumed with portrayed on someone else, and they see that somebody else is unhappy like they are. That is what fuels them. And he was like to read that, and then he's like, first of all, let me tell you what I would have done. He goes, I wouldn't have redacted a damn thing. I would have put every one of their pictures just as is. I would have put their their names, I would have put the geographic location, I would have put, come tour the house at, and you know, and he's like, Because you have a constitutional right to say whatever it is you want to say, right? You have freedom of speech. And as long as you are telling the truth, which your book is all telling the truth, because how do you lie on evidence? There's no defamation of character. And so he's like, I would have spilled the beans on that there, sister. And you know, that's just the thing is you know, you still try to tell your story, and at the end of the day, your wallet, your bank account, and you know, the man card is what uh trumps the fact of your actual offspring. I mean, that that's what's more important to you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we we we live paycheck with paycheck, like most red-blooded Americans. And we have so much love in our family. So much laughter we wouldn't trade it for any amount of millions of dollars.
SPEAKER_02We walked away from it, right?
SPEAKER_01There's just no way we're we're we're we're at peace with ourselves, you know. It wasn't a decision, it well, it was a decision we made, but also it was it's kind of out of our hands, but we're happy.
SPEAKER_02And I had been blackmailed numerous times about I'm gonna take you out of the will. You know what? Here's the thing as narcissistic and malicious as they were, or whatever, they could have been like, here, let me string you along this whole time, and then God forbid comes when they pass, they wouldn't have left anything anyway.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02And the and the difference is is, and they know this anything that was my grandparents would never ever get traded, sold, nothing, because that to me is their legacy, and that is their everything. Like I want the memories of my grandparents, and they also know that if they give it to the other siblings, they're gone. Like they're gonna sell it for the money, they're the everything, the memories, everything else. I mean, I was told, and I believe it wholeheartedly, my older stepsister, I used to call her stepmonster, who I've never had a relationship with, actually told my sperm and egg donor two things. One, you should go ahead and have an estate sale before you die, so it's less work for me to have us to have to do. Two, if you want help taking care of her mom, you have to sell your place and move closer to me because I'm not doing the drive. And the thing is that this individual has had no relationship with my sperm donor for 40 something years at all. Like he has trespassed her off the property. She's not allowed to call the home phone, which is a landline. She's not allowed to, you know, they everybody has stepper holidays. So before Christmas would be three Christmases because nobody could be together at a holiday. Nobody, because all of the siblings, because of the narcissistic ways and stuff, could not have a holiday together. All of the, you know, like Mother's Day, Father's Day, everybody, everything was always separate, and not one child had a relationship with both parents at all. Like my other two had nothing to do with my sperm donor. And now, like, they I don't know. I had nothing to do with my egg donor, even though when I found out that she had that stroke, I was like, what do y'all need? And I went straight there to try and help.
SPEAKER_01I remember.
SPEAKER_02And the thing is, is that they knew our daughter was in the hospital and not even a phone call. But when I found out
Caregiving Reality And Hospital Heartbreak
SPEAKER_02she had a mild stroke, I was like, How can I help? What do I need? What do you need? And then I get the you have no idea what it's like to take care of somebody. Well, I know that you were there for a short period of time when she had a tracheostomy and she had a feeding tube and she had epilepsy all at the same time. And it took 11 pieces of equipment to take her to the doctor. And these were all things that, you know, you were well aware of that she had. And you're gonna tell me that I have no idea what it's like to take care of somebody, you know, to take care of somebody is to stay by their side, regardless of whatever their needs are, to make sure that they are okay and that they are taken care of, that they know that they have love. Because I can tell you, and it's one of the most heart-wrenching things, is that when we were in the NICU, there were babies there that I never saw a parent or loved one come and see them. And if they have no need or will to fight, they won't. They will not feel the need to fight and they give up. It's much easier. You know, you could have like that's why they say, like, if there's twins, they always put them together. Or, you know, the kangaroo care where the child, the baby goes onto the skin of the parent because they can feel them and and the scent. And it is true. I mean, these babies didn't ask to be here. And all of a sudden, if you don't want them, so many families do. I would have adopted everyone I possibly could have, and then some, and then I could attest to that by the fact that we spent five weeks in the ICU with our daughter here.
SPEAKER_01I spent six months in the NICU, and there were rooms filled with children that never had a visitor. We hardly ever saw anyone visit.
SPEAKER_02The one that really upset me was the one two doors down that was dying, and they were dying alone.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. It was you remember?
SPEAKER_02I had tears of my eyes. I begged them. I said, Can I just go sit with him? It was a little boy, and the only reason I knew that is because when we would walk the floor, I'd see him and I'd always wave.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And he was so sick. And I asked, Is his family local? Yep. And I would say, Can I just go sit with him? Can I? And they're like, Because of HIPAA, you can't go in there. You you're not allowed in there. And I was like, oh my God. And then when I heard the code, you know, I was like, I know he's not gonna make it. And I wanted to go in there so badly, but they would never let us. And he was in there, and I'm like, this little boy is dying by himself. But I mean, he had somebody from the clergy up there, you know, with him, but he didn't have anybody he knew. And to know that I I could I couldn't do it, I could not do it psychologically, not be there, you know. And then there's my stepmonster when her first was born. Here's the kicker. When her first was born, as healthy as can be, good for both of them. My egg donor went and stayed with her for a week because she didn't know how to handle anything. It was too much for her. Now, here is the kicker that really blew my mind. So Faith came before my stepmonster's son, the second son, right? And it was only by like a few months. After he was born, after a little bit of time, my egg donor would go drive an hour then. To my stepmonster's place because she didn't know how to take two kids to the pediatrician at the same time. And one of them would have ear infection or something like that. And she did not know how to handle anything for the two. One of them was perfectly fine, the other had an ear infection, and she didn't know how to do it. So my egg donor would have to go up there and help. Take her to the doctor, take them to the doctor. And I'm like looking over here, and I'm like, you know, every 30 minutes there is a breathing treatment, a medication, you know, a pulse sox, you know, the CPAP, the feedings, you have to make the food, you have to make sure everything is sterile. I mean, nonstop 24 hours around the clock. And I can't get them to sit there while I take a shower. And you just are dumbfounded by, and my sperm donor had nothing to do with them either. And that just blows my mind. I mean, I guess the question of this whole podcast is what makes them decide like a lineup. Okay, I'll tolerate you. I'm gonna blame everything on you. And how do they decide which one gets what title? Like, you know, oh, I'm uh, you know, I don't want a relationship with you, I don't want anything to do with you. I'm blaming every bit of my life's wrongdoings on you. How do how do you stand there and make that decision? How do you put those titles on somebody?
Proud Of Faith And Closing Updates
SPEAKER_01Well, I I think the gist of this podcast was, you know, for our daughter. You know, she's shown a lot of courage, a lot of adultness to come forward and say, hey, I want to get this off my chest, I want to get this out of the air, I want this to be done, mom. I don't I don't want to live the rest of my life with this baggage, this this knowledge that I didn't do everything I could to make peace. So we are very proud of our daughter Faith, and we very much support her, and we will be right there beside her, behind her, in front of her if need be. Whatever it takes. Because we have love. We we may be we may be poked, but we have love.
SPEAKER_02And you know what? We've been blessed beyond measure in regards to the fact that you know you turn around and think about that, but you have we've always been able to find a way, the right way, you know, and and and that's what makes a difference. And no, we don't have a mansion, and no, we don't have seven-car garage, and you know, and all that stuff, but technically we have a boat.
SPEAKER_01We have a boat, kinda.
SPEAKER_02What's that thing out there?
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's a John boat.
SPEAKER_02What's a John boat? What's the difference?
SPEAKER_00I heard you say John boat. That can be a few different things. Are you looking for information?
SPEAKER_02Alexa, go to sleep.
SPEAKER_00Like, I mean it's just an aluminum craft, John boat. All right, I'll let you get some rest.
SPEAKER_02But you know, the thing is like they used to have yachts and and we're talking like 50 foot boats with multiple state rooms and all that stuff. And you know what? I would go there and it was just like, okay, none of none of that ever impressed me. Like, you know, it was just not and the thing that got me the most is no matter what it was, when it was, or whatever, it was always it, it was like, I want to show you my new Lexus. I want to show you my new Mercedes, and it was this is a $95,000 vehicle, and I'd always say the same thing. Yes, if you had just purchased it, brand new, zero miles on the lot, take off the lot, yes. But now, what year is it? How many miles are on it? Oh my god, it smells like formaldehyde. Like, you know, it never impressed me. Never. Oh, come look at our new Mercedes. You used to tell me you hated Mercedes, always told me you hated Mercedes. Oh, well, you know, and it's just it's my it's it is the perception of like what everybody thinks. And when they when you care more about what the outside world thinks than how the inside home feels, then maybe you need an evaluation. I think that's where my mic drops tonight.
SPEAKER_01Y'all keep uh faith in your prayers and hearts as she ventures forward.
SPEAKER_02I don't think they're gonna respond. I don't. Maybe they can't handle her.
SPEAKER_01She she's you know I can barely handle that wild child.
SPEAKER_02Hey, you and trade her for the world.
SPEAKER_00No, I wouldn't. You wouldn't.
SPEAKER_01Thank y'all for listening to the episode here with Victoria and Michael at a Cottage Smile. And y'all look forward to upcoming changes on our website. And we have big changes. Whole bunch of stuff.
SPEAKER_02We have a bunch of stuff coming. Whole bunch of really awesome new things are coming y'all's way. Good night, y'all. Good night, y'all.
SPEAKER_01We're both over yawning.
SPEAKER_02I don't know how you got up at 2. 2 a.m.
SPEAKER_01It was 2 p.m.
