LeStallion

Understanding Anxious Attachment with Journal Prompts

LeStallion

Ever wondered why you react so strongly to the thought of being abandoned or rejected? Join us in this enlightening episode where we unravel the complexities of anxious attachment styles, using Lestallion's thought-provoking journal prompts as our guiding light. We delve into the fears that drive our behaviors in relationships and discuss the transformative power of journaling in uncovering these anxieties. From reflecting on anxiety-driven decision-making to recognizing physical sensations of insecurity, we cover key practices that help maintain individuality and set healthy boundaries. This journey is not just about understanding but also about embracing the reality that anxious attachment is both common and manageable with the right tools.

We then shift our focus to the empowering process of self-discovery and transformation. Here, we challenge you to confront and reframe negative thoughts, nurturing self-esteem that isn't tied to your relationships. The importance of effective communication and boundary-setting is underscored as foundational to building secure and fulfilling connections. You'll also learn about the impact of early experiences and the potential to rewrite these old patterns, fostering a sense of wholeness and security. In celebrating small victories and practicing self-compassion, this episode serves as a beacon of hope and progress, encouraging you to continue your journey of growth with kindness and perseverance.

Source
https://lestallion.com/blogs/journal-prompts/50-journal-prompts-for-those-stuck-in-anxious-attachment

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Speaker 1:

Hey everyone and welcome to another deep dive. Today we're going to be talking about anxious attachment styles. You know we got a request from a listener to cover this excerpt from Lestallion's 50 journal prompts for those stuck in anxious attachment and it's a pretty great read to unpack some of those anxieties and insecurities that pop up in relationships.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, Lestallion really gets right to the core of it, right?

Speaker 1:

That fear of rejection, that fear of abandonment. Yeah, we see that so often in relationships and you know it can really kind of make us question everything you know, just like staying stuck in those feelings. But it's like using those feelings productively to understand, maybe even heal, some of those things you know. So, like, what do you think what's the magic in journaling?

Speaker 2:

well, you know, lasallian puts it really well in the article. They say that starting a journal is like using a flashlight to see in the dark. Right, you're kind of illuminating all those thoughts, those reactions that sometimes you don't even realize are driving your behavior. So it's about getting those aate moments, those oh that's why I do that moments.

Speaker 1:

Right Like finally seeing the roots of some of those anxious tendencies. And once you see them, you can start to untangle them a little bit. And you know, speaking of getting to those root causes, there's a bunch of prompts that Lestallion has that are just like whoa For sure they really get to the core of this stuff.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So one that really resonated with me was reflect on how anxious attachment has influenced your decision making in relationships. I mean, I think we've all been there right when we're making decisions from this place of insecurity rather than from a place of strength.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and this is where you start to connect the dots between your attachment style and your actions and relationships. And you know you mentioned insecurity, so think about people pleasing, avoiding conflict, constantly seeking validation. Does any of that sound?

Speaker 1:

familiar, oh my gosh. Yes. Constantly. It's like you're so afraid of that potential rejection or abandonment that you end up kind of contorting yourself in all these ways to avoid it, even if it means like compromising what you actually want.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and that's exactly it. But it's when you can recognize those patterns that you can start making different choices.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Choices that are aligned with your values, your needs, what you desire in a relationship.

Speaker 1:

Yes, it's like changing the game. And speaking of changing, another prompt that really stood out to me was describe the physical sensations you experience when feeling insecure in a relationship, because, for me at least, anxiety isn't just in my head, it's like a full body experience, you know. Oh, absolutely the mind and body are so connected. Think about it. When you're feeling anxious, maybe your heart starts to race, or you get a pit in your stomach. Even your breathing changes.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

This prompt helps you tune in to those sensations, because they're giving you valuable information.

Speaker 2:

Right, it's like your body's trying to tell you something like hey, pay attention, something's off here.

Speaker 1:

Precisely, and when you start to pay attention to those physical sensations, you develop this deeper self-awareness and understanding of your own anxiety patterns.

Speaker 2:

So we're like emotional detectives in a way, which I kind of like.

Speaker 1:

But you know, it's interesting because Lestallion doesn't just leave us hanging there with all this self-reflection. There are also all these prompts focused on building healthier relationship patterns, which I think is really cool.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. It's one thing to identify the patterns, but you've got to create healthier ones, and Lestallion gives us a way to do that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like, for example, there's a prompt that asks how do you maintain your identity and independence in a relationship, which I think is huge for anyone, but especially people with an anxious attachment style, because that urge to cling can be so strong.

Speaker 2:

It is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, regardless of attachment style, and this prompt is a good reminder that having an anxious attachment style doesn't mean you're destined to be codependent. It's about recognizing and nurturing your individuality.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and remembering that you had a whole life before this relationship and you'll have a whole life after it, even if things change.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. It allows you to show up as your whole self, not from a place of. I need this relationship to feel complete, you know.

Speaker 1:

Right, and that is a game changer. And on that note of showing up authentically, Lestallion also talks about the importance of setting boundaries and there's a prompt that asks reflect on time. You had to set a boundary. How was it received? Which, for people pleasers. Like many with an anxious attachment style, it can be really scary to set those boundaries.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it feels counterintuitive, right, Because it pushes against that fear of rejection that we're trying to avoid.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, but you're saying it's possible to learn that skill and actually experience a different outcome.

Speaker 2:

For sure, and it's important to remember that. Healthy boundaries. They're essential for all relationships. They're not about controlling someone or pushing them away. It's about honoring your own needs and expecting that respect.

Speaker 1:

It's like saying this is important to me and I need you to respect that, and a healthy relationship can handle that kind of direct communication right.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. In fact, healthy relationships thrive on open communication and mutual respect. It's all about finding that balance.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that, and one thing I really appreciate it is that Lestallion points out that, like you're not alone in this. You know they mentioned that something like 20 percent of adults have an anxious attachment style.

Speaker 2:

It's true, and it's really comforting to remember that it is.

Speaker 1:

It's like okay, it's not just me, there are other people who get this and, more importantly, there's hope for healing and growth.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, you're not broken, you're not flawed, you're just working with a specific attachment style.

Speaker 1:

Right and there are ways to work with it. And I love how they end with this really beautiful quote. They say beneath the shadow of anxious attachment lies a sunlit path of self-discovery. Each step forward is a step towards the light, where love is not a question of worthiness but a celebration of being.

Speaker 2:

That is such a great quote, so powerful and hopeful.

Speaker 1:

Isn't it? It's like that fear of not being worthy of love. That's the shadow. But when we do this work, the self-discovery, the boundary setting, that's how we step into the light, where love just dies.

Speaker 2:

It really is about recognizing that inherent worthiness, regardless of your past or your attachment style, and Lestallion offers some great prompts to help us cultivate that sense of self-worth.

Speaker 1:

For sure, and one of the prompts that I really connected with was what are some ways you can practice self-compassion when you're feeling insecure in your relationship, because, let's be real, that self-criticism can be brutal.

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's so true, especially for those with an anxious attachment, that inner critic is on overdrive, amplifying those fears of rejection and abandonment. But this prompt encourages us to turn down the volume on that inner critic and turn up the volume on self-compassion.

Speaker 1:

So it's about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a close friend.

Speaker 2:

Exactly Recognizing that everyone feels insecure sometimes. It's about offering ourselves that gentleness and understanding.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like saying to yourself hey, it's all right to feel this way. You're not weak or needy for feeling insecure, you're human.

Speaker 2:

I love that reframe because it really is about shifting from self-criticism to self-acceptance and from there we can start to challenge those negative beliefs that are fueling our anxious attachment patterns.

Speaker 1:

And I think that ties into another prompt that stood out to me. What are some negative beliefs you hold about yourself and relationships? This feels like where the real deep work begins right, uncovering those core beliefs. Absolutely A lot of times those negative beliefs are coming from our early experiences. The messages we received about begins right.

Speaker 2:

Uncovering those core beliefs. Absolutely A lot of times those negative beliefs are coming from our early experiences, the messages we received about ourselves and relationships growing up, things like I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, I have to be perfect to be loved.

Speaker 1:

And they become these self-fulfilling prophecies in a way, don't they?

Speaker 2:

They do, they shape how we show up in our relationships.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're all walking around with these invisible scripts that we're following.

Speaker 2:

And until we identify those scripts, we can't rewrite them.

Speaker 1:

So true. So how do we rewrite them? What can we actually do to challenge those beliefs?

Speaker 2:

Well, Lestallion talks about building self-awareness, which we've talked about, but it also goes beyond that. It's about actively challenging those negative thoughts when they come up.

Speaker 1:

You mean catching ourselves in the act when those not good enough or they're going to leave me. Thoughts pop up.

Speaker 2:

Exactly and then asking is that thought really true? What evidence do I have? Because when we really examine those thoughts, we see they're not based in reality.

Speaker 1:

It's like they lose their power when we shine a light on them.

Speaker 2:

I love that, holding them up to the light, because that's what happens we take away their power by acknowledging them, questioning them and choosing to believe something different.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so shining a light and challenging those negative beliefs. What else?

Speaker 2:

Well, building self-esteem outside of our relationships is key. Remember that prompt about identifying your passions. What makes you you.

Speaker 1:

Right, building that sense of self-worth outside of a romantic relationship.

Speaker 2:

Exactly because when we only rely on our relationships for self-worth, that's when we cling and fall into those anxious attachment patterns. When we cultivate a strong sense of self in other areas of our lives, it changes the energy we bring to our relationships.

Speaker 1:

I love that. It's like we're less likely to seek validation from our partners because we're already validating ourselves.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and that makes all the difference.

Speaker 1:

So we're challenging those negative beliefs, building self-esteem, and this next part feels crucial Learning to communicate our needs effectively, which, with anxious attachment, can be tough because we might avoid expressing our needs directly for fear of, well you know, rocking the boat.

Speaker 2:

You're spot on. This is where the rubber meets the road, because if we can't communicate our needs in a healthy way, we fall back into people pleasing, withdrawing, trying to control the situation.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're trying to read minds instead of just using our words.

Speaker 2:

Right and I think we've all been there.

Speaker 1:

Totally, but Lestallion is really encouraging us to have those courageous conversations.

Speaker 2:

They are, because healthy relationships need that open and honest communication and, while it can be scary, expressing our needs and setting boundaries actually creates a stronger foundation for intimacy.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're rewiring our brains to communicate in a way that feels safe. Aa, authentic, saying this is important to me. Can we talk about it Instead of hinting or getting upset when our needs aren't magically met?

Speaker 2:

Exactly, it takes practice, but the rewards are huge.

Speaker 1:

So we're becoming fluent in the language of healthy relationships. What else?

Speaker 2:

can we take away from Lestallion about breaking free from those anxious attachment patterns? Well, they talk about the importance of recognizing and celebrating progress, because this work is hard. It's easy to get caught up in feeling like you're not there yet, but Lestallion reminds us to acknowledge how far we've come and celebrate the victories.

Speaker 1:

Even just recognizing the patterns is huge, right, like aha, there you are self-sabotage, I see you.

Speaker 2:

Exactly and then choosing a different response. Definitely worth celebrating.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're giving ourselves the validation we might be looking for externally, which makes us less dependent on that external validation.

Speaker 2:

It all comes back around, and I think that's what makes this approach so powerful. It's not about being perfect, it's about progress. We're all works in progress, and that's OK.

Speaker 1:

Embracing the journey, bumps and all, and celebrating those moments when we choose courage over fear, vulnerability over hiding and love over fear.

Speaker 2:

Beautifully said.

Speaker 1:

And speaking of transformation, lestallion ends with this quote, and I have to read it again. They say Beneath the shadow of anxious attachment lies a sunlit path of self-discovery. Each step forward is a step towards the light, where love is not a question of worthiness but a celebration of being. It's so good.

Speaker 2:

Right. It's like we're not just healing our attachment styles, we're healing our relationship with ourselves, and that is a gift. It really is. Well, there you have it A deep dive into anxious attachment, with a little help from the Stallion and their journal prompts. Remember this journey is about progress, not perfection. Be kind to yourself, celebrate those wins and keep moving toward that sunlit path of self-discovery.

Speaker 1:

And remember you're not alone on this journey.

Speaker 2:

And if anxious attachment is rooted in those early experiences as we've been talking about, it makes you wonder how much can we reshape those patterns. Can we rewrite those old scripts and learn to connect in ways that feel safe, secure and fulfilling? That's something to think about.

Speaker 1:

It has been so insightful discussing these prompts with you today.

Speaker 2:

And until next time, keep exploring, keep growing and keep shining your light. It really is about recognizing that inherent worthiness, regardless of your past or your attachment style, and Lestallion offers some great prompts to help us cultivate that sense of self-worth.

Speaker 1:

Totally, and one of the prompts that really struck me was what are some ways you can practice self-compassion when you're feeling insecure in your relationship, because, let's be honest, that self-criticism can be brutal sometimes, right.

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's so true, especially for those with an anxious attachment, that inner critic can be incredibly loud. It's like it just amplifies those fears of rejection and abandonment.

Speaker 1:

But this prompt encourages us to turn down the volume on that inner critic and turn up the volume on self-compassion. So it's about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a close friend who's going through something similar.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. It's about recognizing that everyone feels insecure sometimes, and that's okay. It's about offering ourselves that same gentleness and understanding instead of judgment.

Speaker 1:

It's like saying to yourself hey, it's all right to feel this way. You're not weak or needy for feeling insecure. You're human and you're doing your best.

Speaker 2:

I love that reframe because it really is about shifting from a place of self-criticism to a place of self-acceptance, and from there we can start to challenge those negative beliefs that are fueling our anxious attachment patterns.

Speaker 1:

And I imagine that ties into another prompt that caught my eye what are some negative beliefs you hold about yourself in relationships? This feels like where the deeper work begins right Uncovering those core beliefs that might be holding us back.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely yeah, because often those negative beliefs are rooted in our early experiences and the messages we received about ourselves and relationships Things like I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, or I have to be perfect to be loved. And those beliefs become these self-fulfilling prophecies, in a way shaping how we show up in relationships.

Speaker 1:

Wow, it's like those beliefs become these invisible scripts we're unknowingly following, even if they're not serving us anymore.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. But the good news is, once we identify those scripts, we can start to rewrite them, and that's where the real transformation happens. We can start to choose beliefs that empower us and allow us to create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Speaker 1:

So how do we start rewriting those scripts? What can we actually DO to challenge those deeply ingrained beliefs?

Speaker 2:

That's the million-dollar question and thankfully Lestallion gives us a framework for doing just that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, tell me more, because I'm ready to trade in these old scripts for a shiny new edition.

Speaker 2:

Well, Lestallion talks about the importance of building self-awareness, which we've already touched on with the journaling prompts.

Speaker 1:

But beyond that, it's about actively challenging those negative thoughts when they arise, so catching ourselves in the act when that inner critic starts spinning tales of you're not good enough or they're going to leave you.

Speaker 2:

Exactly and then asking ourselves is this thought really true? What evidence do I have to support this? And often, when we really examine those negative thoughts, we realize they're not based in reality, they're just echoes thought really true. What evidence do I have to support this? And often, when we really examine those negative thoughts, we realize they're not based in reality. They're just echoes of old wounds and outdated beliefs.

Speaker 1:

It's like those thoughts lose their power when we hold them up to the light of awareness and challenge their validity.

Speaker 2:

I love that image of holding them up to the light, because that's exactly what happens. We strip them of their power by simply acknowledging them, questioning them and choosing to believe something different.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so we're shining a light on those negative beliefs and challenging them head on. What else does Lestallion suggest for this script rewrite.

Speaker 2:

Well, they also emphasize the importance of building self-esteem outside of relationships. Remember that prompt about identifying your passions and what makes you you.

Speaker 1:

Oh right, Nurturing that sense of individuality and self-worth outside of a romantic relationship.

Speaker 2:

Exactly Because when we derive our sense of worthiness solely from our relationships, we're more likely to cling tightly and fall into those anxious attachment patterns. But when we cultivate a strong sense of self and find fulfillment in other areas of our lives, we bring that sense of wholeness and security into our relationships.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're less likely to seek validation from our partners because we're already validating ourselves through our passions, our purpose, our connections with friends and family.

Speaker 2:

You got it. And that shift in energy makes all the difference in the world.

Speaker 1:

So we're challenging those negative beliefs, building self-esteem, and I have a feeling this next part is crucial too. Lestallion talks about the importance of learning to communicate our needs effectively. This feels huge, especially in the context of anxious attachment, where we might shy away from expressing our needs directly out of fear of rocking the boat.

Speaker 2:

You're spot on, and this is where the rubber really meets the road in terms of transforming our attachment style, because if we're not able to communicate our needs in a healthy way, we're more likely to resort to those old patterns of people pleasing, withdrawing or trying to control the situation.

Speaker 1:

It's like we're trying to read minds and anticipate needs instead of just you know using our words and having an open, honest conversation.

Speaker 2:

It's so true, and I think a lot of us, regardless of attachment style, can relate to that fear of vulnerability that comes with expressing our needs directly.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. But Lestallion really encourages us to step outside of our comfort zones and have those courageous conversations right.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. They remind us that healthy relationships thrive on open and honest communication and, while it might feel scary at first, expressing our needs and setting those boundaries actually creates a stronger foundation for connection and intimacy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's like you're learning to say, hey, this is important to me, can we talk about it Instead of doing that whole hoping they'll just magically figure it out thing.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, it's a whole new way of communicating.

Speaker 1:

Totally so. We're like learning the language of healthy relationships, boundaries, communication, all that good stuff. What else stood out to you from Lestallion's advice?

Speaker 2:

Well, they talk about celebrating progress. Because you know this work is hard, it's really easy to get caught up in that I'm not there yet, feeling and minimize all the wins along the way.

Speaker 1:

Oh, totally.

Speaker 2:

But we have to acknowledge how far we've come and really celebrate those victories, no matter how small.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because even just recognizing the patterns is big, like, oh hey, there you are again. Self-sabotage, just that awareness is huge. And then to actually choose, something different like that's awesome.

Speaker 2:

Exactly every time we communicate a need directly instead of withdrawing, every time we choose self-compassion, we're rewiring those neural pathways yeah we're creating healthier patterns yeah and that deserves to be celebrated it's like we're giving ourselves the validation we might be seeking externally, which makes us less dependent on it. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I love that.

Speaker 2:

And I think that's what makes Lestallion's approach so powerful. It's not about being perfect, it's about progress. We're all works in progress.

Speaker 1:

Yes, love. That it's like embracing the journey, bumps and all, and celebrating those moments when we choose courage and vulnerability and love over fear.

Speaker 2:

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Speaker 1:

And speaking of powerful messages, lestallion ends with this quote, and I have to read it one more time. They say Beneath the shadow of anxious attachment lies a sunlit path of self-discovery. Each step forward is a step towards the light, where love is not a question of worthiness but a celebration of being.

Speaker 2:

So good right.

Speaker 1:

Every time I hear it it's like, wow, we're not just healing our attachment styles, we're healing our relationships with ourselves, and that's huge, it's a gift, it really is. Well, there you have it, folks A deep dive into the world of anxious attachment, with those fantastic insights and journal prompts from Lestallion. And remember this journey is about progress, not perfection. Be kind to yourselves, celebrate those wins and keep moving toward that sunlit path of self-discovery.

Speaker 2:

You're not alone.

Speaker 1:

And if anxious attachment is rooted in those early experiences which we've talked about, it makes you think how much can we actually reshape those patterns? Can we rewrite those old scripts and learn to connect in ways that feel safe, secure, fulfilling Something to ponder, for sure.

Speaker 2:

It's been so great diving into this with you.

Speaker 1:

It has and to everyone, listening. Keep exploring, keep growing and keep shining your light. We'll see you next time.