The Day's Dumpster Fire

Donner, Party of 90 Fire Part 1 - Episode 52

• Ed and Kara

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Have you ever tried taking a shortcut or was given the directions involving a shortcut, only to find out that it tripled the amount of time it would have taken if you just stuck to the normal path? Human beings LOVE shortcuts, but most of the time a shortcut is a recipe for disaster. However, the worst shortcuts result in humans having to eat other humans to stay alive due to all the delays that "shortcut" provided. 

In this episode, Kara introduces the first part of a two part series about the Donner Party incident in the winter months of 1846 and 1847. In this first part, Kara is going to set the stage for who was involved in the Donner Party and why they were traveling to California and just exactly was this sketchy shortcut? We're going to learn about the major players, the decision makers, the shakers and stirrers of the party, and most importantly, learn about a massive double decker ox-pulled wagon and how it would get stuck in a McDonalds drive-thru today. 

If you're not familiar with the Donner Party incident and you have a strong stomach towards... errrr... ummmm... uhhhh... exotic foods, check out The Day's Dumpster Fire website. There you'll find more details of what happened in this particular event as well as a back catalog of over 50 episodes of humans doing what they do best: messing stuff up so they can learn so they can mess more stuff up! Furthermore, you can check out Kara's artwork as she typically "draws" her inspiration for images from various episodes. 

If you know of dumpster fires in history that you want to learn more about, send us an email at thedaysdumpsterfire@gmail.com. Check us out on Instagram for more little tidbits of dumpster fires. 

So sit back, take a listen, and remind yourself to always second guess someone's suggestion of taking a shortcut... unless you're into to potentially needing to eat people... then in that case DON'T DO IT!

Hey before you go! Email us your "Trashcan Fires" to

thedaysdumpsterfire@gmail.com (be sure to put "Trashcan Fire" in the subject line

We would love to see your stories where you tried to plan out every little detail, but when you executed that plan, it all went horribly wrong shortly after and turned into your own Dumpster Fire.

Be sure to put "Trashcan Fire" in the subject line followed by the title of the story and whether or not we can use your name.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey everybody, this is Kara.

SPEAKER_04:

This

SPEAKER_00:

is Tasia.

SPEAKER_04:

And this is Ed.

SPEAKER_00:

And this is Your Day's Dumpster Fire.

SPEAKER_01:

Where we don't celebrate humanity's successes,

SPEAKER_04:

but its most fantastic failures.

UNKNOWN:

Music

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, we did it.

SPEAKER_00:

Did it. We did it, guys.

SPEAKER_01:

I really don't know what came upon me and possessed me. Oh, wait. What is... Why does it do this?

SPEAKER_00:

We didn't do it. We, we, we're too early.

SPEAKER_01:

We, we. We,

SPEAKER_00:

we. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04:

For some odd reason, our intro just has a mind of its own and it will just start and restart on its own. and we don't know why it's fine yeah it's very it's very uh special i should

SPEAKER_00:

say she's special she's special all right hey guys what's up everyone how's everybody doing

SPEAKER_04:

just just getting through the week

SPEAKER_00:

yeah

SPEAKER_04:

it's been a week

SPEAKER_00:

it's been a week but it's friday week It's Friday, though, guys. I understand it's been a week, but let's just celebrate the fact that we made it to Friday. And for all the listeners out there, if it's not Friday yet, you can make it to Friday just like we did.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. And if it is currently Friday for you, just bear in mind that the next Friday is only a week away.

SPEAKER_00:

That's right. Seven days away. Countdown now. That's a lot

SPEAKER_01:

of days. Just think about how many days that is in between. It's not that many. Seven days. How many hours is that? I

SPEAKER_04:

don't

SPEAKER_01:

know. What's 24 times 24?

SPEAKER_04:

So that would be, what, 140? That would be 168 hours.

SPEAKER_00:

There you go. 168 hours. Half of those you're sleeping. It's fine.

SPEAKER_04:

We can do this. Or if you're like Deja and I, where most of that's spent driving.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Both of those options.

SPEAKER_04:

So, today's episode... I have no idea what it is. Kara is absolutely refusing to fill me in in terms of what this episode is about, which makes naming it really fun.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_04:

All right. So, Kara, I know you've been working on this episode for the past seven, eight years. Would you mind filling us in on what in the world this is all about?

SPEAKER_00:

Nope. I'm just going to start it.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm just going to go. You'll immediately get it, I think, when I say a particular name. Okay. All right. First and foremost, I do have some essential questions to ask. Have you ever tried to take a shortcut that didn't end up making it a shortcut? Too many times. All the

SPEAKER_01:

time. Yeah. Every time I go to the bathroom.

UNKNOWN:

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01:

Have

SPEAKER_00:

you ever tried to travel somewhere and you got lost trying to take said shortcut and it just made it worse? I'm getting that happened.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that happened to me when we were down in Tucson. Yep. We're like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to cut through this neighborhood. And then like five miles later, like I get back to where we started. Like, cool. Well, that was scenic. So, yes, I've I've been there.

SPEAKER_00:

Perfect. Well, with those things in mind, I'm going to take you back, in the Wayback Machine, to the 1840s. And we're going to start in Springfield, Illinois. So, Springfield, Illinois. People living in the 1840s, especially those living east of the Mississippi, the notion of moving west was very much more than a change of scenery. Spurred by the idea of manifest destiny, work opportunities, fertile farmlands, an estimated 300,000 to 400,000 settlers took the Oregon Trail west to California or Oregon. See episode seven and eight, Oregon Trail. By the 1840s, the Oregon Trail was being used regularly. People understood that if you wanted to get to California before winter hits, using the trail, you have to stick to a very strict schedule. And general settlers began their journey in centrally located Independence, Missouri. This was the most established starting point with resources for travel, trailheads, or roads going west following the Missouri River, and it just made scheduling a lot easier. A well-planned wagon train left Independence in mid-April to beat the winter when traveling to California. Typical travel time to Sacramento, then called Sutter Sport, was three to six months-ish, with about 12 to 15 miles per day on average. So that's very important. Please keep that in mind. I'm going to introduce you to a man named Lansford Hastings. Mr. Hastings, by the time he died, he was married three different times with nine children. Hastings played the role of a soldier in the Civil War and the Mexican-American War. He was also a writer and a settler. Overall, he was a very complicated and interesting human, and he really did live quite an eventful life. But before he did any of those things, he was a lawyer from Ohio who found himself in charge of a wagon train moving west to Oregon in 1842. A year later, he would make it to California. Hastings eventually transformed his lot in life to become an important figure in settling the West, developing towns in Oregon and California in the early mid-1840s. While he was doing so, he wrote a book called The Emigrant's Guide to Oregon and California, published in 1845. The book was wildly popular amongst people who aspired to move west. And in his book, Hastings claimed that there was a shortcut for settlers traveling to California, which he called the Hastings Cutoff. The shortcut was supposed to have cut off 350 to 400 miles off of the trip to California. So what it did is the original trail going to California for independence, it would go north around the mountain range, like through Idaho, if I remember correctly, and then back down to the Sacramento area. He was suggesting don't go north at all, just go through the mountains. So that is Hastings, and this book that he wrote spreads and travels everywhere. So anybody who wants to go to California is going to buy this book, and they're going to take this shortcut very seriously. One man who took immense stock... And Hastings' book was a man named James Reed. Originally from Ireland, Reed was an Illinois businessman, primarily in mining, with a personal relationship with Abraham Lincoln. He was married to Margaret Beckenstow, who was widowed with a daughter named Virginia Elizabeth. Their daughter was 13 years old. The couple married in 1835 and had four children of their own, Martha Jane, James F. Jr., and Gershon Francis, who died when he was an infant. R.I.P. Reed was known to be a man with good intentions, proud, maybe a little too proud and a bit hot-headed. And he is complicated, but he was also known to be a very dedicated husband and father. So great family man, just kind of hot-headed. We've all met those. The Reed family was considered wealthy, and James had heard even more opportunity for him and his family out in California. In 1845, Reed began planning to move his family to California, and during the planning process, he began to look for others who would join him. He asked his friend, Abraham Lincoln, to join him, but Lincoln refused as his wife, Mary Todd, was pregnant. Imagine. Reed eventually grouped up with another family, the Donners, to make the journey.

UNKNOWN:

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, I know where this is going. This has been so fun. Oh my gosh, yeah. Now I'm thinking of The Walking Dead and they're making their way to that, what was it, The Citadel? And like season three or four or something like that. And they have like barbecue. And it's not what you think.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

I hate that scene. Oh,

SPEAKER_04:

yeah. Where they're like tossing the ribs around.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Yep, I

SPEAKER_04:

remember that. Okay. Now I can see why you kept this one quiet. Just because this one is going to be tasty.

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, yeah. Well, this is going to be part one of two. Also, we're not

SPEAKER_04:

getting into the tasty bits yet?

SPEAKER_00:

The tasty bits will be in part two. But part one, I promise you, is still excellent.

UNKNOWN:

Okay.

SPEAKER_04:

Does anybody die from dysentery?

SPEAKER_00:

Not dysentery, but tuberculosis.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. Well, I mean, it's not Oregon Trail related unless it's somebody dies from dysentery. Or you lose your wagon fording a river. I

SPEAKER_00:

don't know. This is like the biggest Oregon Trail story out of the Oregon Trail.

SPEAKER_04:

Fine. If you want to cloud the issue with facts.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm just saying. just like

SPEAKER_01:

i

SPEAKER_00:

don't

SPEAKER_01:

know

SPEAKER_04:

yeah yeah that's probably yeah like thanks for speaking kara's mind asia i

SPEAKER_01:

just like to stir the pot

SPEAKER_00:

originally from north carolina The Donners were comprised of two brothers and their respective families. We had Jacob, the older brother, who was about 64 in 1845, and George was around 61 as far as we know. Both George and Jacob had moved and settled down in numerous states before settling in Illinois in 1795. George Donner inherited some property from his uncle in North Carolina, and then he moved to Kentucky in 1818, landed in Indiana shortly after that, and finally Springfield, Illinois in 1828. So he's been all over the place. at least in that area. Jacob followed his brother from state to state, likely looking for the best place to farm. George was married three different times. His third wife was named Tamsin, a former teacher from Massachusetts. George had two children from two previous marriages, and the couple together had three younger children of their own. Jacob was married twice. His second wife was Elizabeth Hook. Elizabeth had two children from a previous marriage, and the two together had five younger children. So, Fairly big families.

SPEAKER_04:

I feel like people had a lot more children back then. I

SPEAKER_00:

think they did as well.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, I mean, it's free labor. I mean, but still, like, this is a lot of kids.

SPEAKER_00:

Also, that's true.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, the whole populating the earth thing. There

SPEAKER_00:

is that as well. Yeah. The Donner brothers have been considering moving to California after seeing advertisements about fertile farmlands, perfect weather for agriculture, and it was likely difficult for the brothers to resist. Considering their past experiences from moving from farm to farm, it would make sense for both men to have a desire to travel to California with all of this promised goodness. George Donner officially put up his farm for sale in September of 1845, and the decision had been made. By the spring of 1846, the Donners and their travel plans and supplies ready for their trip to California had their travel plans and supplies ready for their trip to California. They joined the Reed's wagon, headed out to Independence, beginning their journey to a new life, a new land, and a new home for them and their families. For their trip, the Donners and the Reeds hired about a dozen Teamsters, which are professional wagon drivers, and employees to travel with them. The Donners and the Reeds were not traveling alone. About 29 other families joined them. The party included men, women, children, elderly. In the Reed party... Margaret's mother, Sarah Keys, tagged along at the ripe old age of 70. Before going on this journey, Sarah was told by her doctors that she only had a few months to live with a diagnosis of consumption, which is just another word for tuberculosis. Her son had already made the trip to California, was living there, and she wanted to see him before she passed on. Just before leaving...

SPEAKER_04:

That's rough.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's

SPEAKER_04:

pretty... Because that's a lot of walking and... Even manhandling the reins of a horse-drawn wagon is like a full-body workout.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

That's... Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

70 years old with tuberculosis on top of that. And just being that age at that time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. 70 years old. I'm

SPEAKER_04:

40 and don't even want to do that. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_01:

The

SPEAKER_00:

lack

SPEAKER_01:

of soles on

SPEAKER_00:

your shoes. She's brave. I gotta give her credit for that. Dr. Schultz. I

SPEAKER_04:

would say cantankerous, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Either one. Maybe both.

SPEAKER_04:

Cantankerously brave.

SPEAKER_00:

Perfect.

SPEAKER_04:

I love that word. It's such a weird word. It's such a good word. I'm full of weird words.

SPEAKER_01:

It is. It's such a weird word. It makes me think of like a canker sore. Like

SPEAKER_00:

she's full of weird

SPEAKER_04:

words. Maybe that's the root word for cantankerous.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. I just think of cats. I don't know. I don't know why. Like, it's the perfect description for a cat. In my opinion.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, really think about it.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, we really did think about it. They're just always, like, pissed off. And you can't ever tell them what to do. No.

SPEAKER_00:

See? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Can never be pleased.

SPEAKER_00:

See, it makes sense. That's how I learned that word in high school.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Still think of canker sores.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. That's how I memorized it.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's not because the word means anything of a canker sore. It just sounds like it would lead to... Not lead to a canker sore. That's also very weird. Yeah, it's

SPEAKER_04:

that cantankerous part that's like... It sounds like a disease. It really does sound like...

SPEAKER_00:

You know what else would lead to a canker score? Cankerous. Walking on the Oregon Trail like the Donners. Syracuse. Oh, yeah. Anyway.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, especially if you've got cannibalism on your mind.

SPEAKER_00:

So just before leaving, George Donner was elected the leader for the stretch of the trail. The families left Springfield, Illinois on April 14th, 1846. Wow. Most families would walk next to the wagons while on the trail, just like we were talking about. Elders and sick would generally be the only people in the wagons while traveling. So I think some people get confused by that. Like most people aren't actually in the wagons when they're going on this trip. They're walking next to them. The trip to Independence, Missouri was smooth without any unexpected setbacks. However, leaving Springfield in April was actually a really late departure. It took the 31 families just under a month to arrive in Independence, May of 1846. Once there, the Donner Party restocked their wagons and rested their animals. Families packed enough supplies to last them about six months. Considering the average time it takes to California to get there, it makes sense. We only need enough to make the trip as if it were a normal trip. Anyway, George Donner and his wife packed three full wagons with trade goods and school supplies. Tamsin planned on opening a school for girls when they reached their destination, and George would open a new business. The Reed family was wealthier than a majority of the other people traveling. They packed a double-decker wagon, famously dubbed the Palace Car by other settlers. Nice. I wish I could have seen it. It

SPEAKER_04:

reminds me of Gilligan's Island. Where the howls like they're on this abandoned island and they are like living lavishly. I feel like that's what they're doing is just like, oh, yeah, we're going to just bring our entire house with us and be known as those people.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, to be fair, Ray's wife was sickly. Double deckers. It was a double decker wagon. I wish I was

SPEAKER_01:

double deckers.

SPEAKER_00:

Wish they had a picture of it. It was so cool. But to be fair, Reed's wife was ill. That's so cool. And Reed, he wanted to make sure that she had ample space to rest while they were on the road as well as the material belongings. On the first or second floor of their wagon. Right. Either one. It's almost, it reminds me of the double-decker buses they have in London. That's what I thought about, but like old-timey.

SPEAKER_04:

I was thinking of like those motorhomes that sell for like$2 million that have like all the amenities in it of like a normal house.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Yeah. It's true. I also found a fun description. The palace is sometimes described as the most elaborate wagon on the Oregon Trail. Just the fact that it has two floors I think is pretty

SPEAKER_04:

impressive. It's like travertine floors and marble columns.

SPEAKER_00:

It's

SPEAKER_04:

marble.

SPEAKER_00:

It's bedazzled. diamonds and stuff. In total, the... She's just imagine them just going around with a bedazzler on the top of the wagon.

SPEAKER_04:

Rhinestone cowboy. They're

SPEAKER_00:

fabulous.

SPEAKER_04:

That

SPEAKER_00:

was good. In total, the Donner Party was set to leave independence for California with a total of nine wagons pulled by oxen. All right. So, next chapter. Chapter two, the first stretch. By the 1860s, the Oregon Trail had more established roads and trails. Kind of what you picture when you think of the Oregon Trail.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

In the 1840s, it was a lot less common to have that, especially on trails that were untried or new to different travelers. Trails looked more like wagon tracks in a lot of areas than they did actual trails. While the Donner Party was getting supplies and resting their animals in Independence, Lansford Hastings, the writer of the book that we were talking about, he was pulling together the last wagon train out to California. Wow. That is a huge wagon train. Now, were Native Americans

SPEAKER_04:

still like a big concern at this time or had that kind of been addressed somewhat?

SPEAKER_00:

They were still a big concern at this time period because we're still a little early, right? We're in the 1840s. So we're still thinking about these families or older people talking and telling their children about the Native American horror stories and they're scared of them and all of that stuff when it's actually a lot more complicated than that.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, we have Native American tribes who are friendly, who want to help. And then we have Native American tribes who don't really want to hurt anybody, but they'll go steal your horses, that type of thing.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, because I just didn't know when that kind of tamed down some.

SPEAKER_00:

It's definitely a little bit later. Okay. If at all. Yeah, that, yeah. But yeah, we're still in the time period where these settlers are worried about that. Okay. A few days after leaving Independence, Sarah Keyes died of tuberculosis in Elko Springs, Kansas. So she was the lady we were just talking about, the 70-year-old woman. She is the first death on this trip.

SPEAKER_04:

And it's not a pleasant death.

SPEAKER_00:

No. It's not a good time.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

She was buried there on May 29, 1846 with a gravestone to mark her resting area, and it still stands today. I saw it on Google Maps. but it is there. The first checkpoint for the settlers was Fort Laramie in Wyoming. It's about 650 mile trip from independence to the fort. And the standard rate of travel was 12 to 15 miles per day, making this section of the trip and estimated four and a half weeks long. The wagon train. This

SPEAKER_04:

is crazy. When you look back at it today, that's like 600 miles. You can do that in a day,

SPEAKER_00:

right? Maybe. Yeah. A day.

SPEAKER_04:

It'd be like a tall 14-hour day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's a long day, but it's definitely just a day.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But yeah, this trip, on average, like on a good day, standard rate, four and a half

SPEAKER_01:

weeks.

SPEAKER_00:

This wagon train was large compared to others two miles on who have been taking... who have been taking the established route and individual families ran into various setbacks such as broken wagon wheels, minor injuries, tired livestock and weather conditions, some rainy days, stuff like that, just regular things that you would expect. But the party It did get delayed by three to four days just because of the sheer size of it, putting the settlers about a month and a half behind schedule now. Remember, we're trying to beat the winter. We're a month and a half late.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, yeah, the last thing you want is to be stuck in the Rocky Mountains in the middle of winter.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct. We don't want

SPEAKER_04:

that. That would be a bad deal right there.

SPEAKER_00:

Despite all these delays, the journey to Fort Laramie went relatively smooth. and was described by settlers as happy and joyous and exciting. When writing about her time on the Trail of Virginia, Reed, who was 13, described herself at this moment as perfectly happy. In a letter to a friend in Springfield, Tamsin Donner wrote, Indeed, if I do not experience something worse than I have yet done, I shall say the trouble is all in getting started. I

SPEAKER_04:

mean, yeah, that's pretty... I feel like the hardest part of doing anything is getting

SPEAKER_00:

started. Overall, it's a happy time. It's

SPEAKER_04:

very Little House on the Prairie.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The wagon train reached Fort Laramie on July 3rd of 1846. They stayed at the fort for two days to make any wagon repairs needed and to arrest the animals. Some travelers within the party began to express concern about the time it has taken to travel so far. George Donner was generally quiet, trying to keep the peace. However, James Reed voiced his confidence in the shortcut that he had read in Hastings' book.

UNKNOWN:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

I just want to say this shortcut that keeps coming up was never actually tested. Hastings never actually tried it.

SPEAKER_04:

Really? So he just looked at a map and thought, oh, this would be better?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_04:

Good. Good. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So in other

SPEAKER_04:

words, we're looking at a map that's probably already outdated. That's fantastic. And you're finding a shortcut. And then it basically boils down to what could possibly go wrong?

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_04:

Got

SPEAKER_00:

it. That's where we're at.

SPEAKER_04:

So many famous last words on this podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

Nothing will go wrong.

SPEAKER_00:

So during their stay at Fort Laramie, Reed came across a man named James Clyman. Clyman was a war veteran from the War of 1812 who learned about land surveying from his experiences there. And from there, he became a well-known guide throughout the American West. During their conversation, Clyman told Reed, go the old route. Go the established route. Oregon Trail route after hearing about their plans. Please just do it the way you should. After he heard about their plans to take the shortcut. Do the way we

SPEAKER_01:

should.

SPEAKER_00:

Kleiman had taken the shortcut, but in reverse. So he went from California to Fort Laramie and he tried this shortcut that was written about. Despite his warnings, however... Reed was very convinced that this shortcut is going to work. We're going to be fine. Don't worry about it. We're going to trust this Hastings guy. He knows what he's doing. We're going to trust the lawyer from Ohio. It's fine.

SPEAKER_04:

Trust the lawyer to make a shortcut. That's... Yeah... And

SPEAKER_00:

that's where

SPEAKER_01:

we face Paul.

SPEAKER_00:

The wagon train left Fort Laramie on July 5th, 1846 to continue west. They arrived at the Little Sandy River in western Wyoming on July 18th. This was the stop in which the settlers and the party faced a fork in the road. Like, a literal fork. They could take the established route on the right, headed north... or they could take the route on the left, headed to Fort Bridger and the entrance to the Hastings Cut-Off. The decision for many families was rather difficult. On one hand, the settlers understood that they were very short on time. On the other, an unfamiliar shortcut could ultimately cost more than what they were planning for. In the end, 28 wagons, including the Donners and the Reeds, took the left, headed to Fort Bridger, and the remaining 52 wagons left. took the right on the established Oregon Trail headed to the California Trail. In total, roughly 87 people took the left. 29 men, 15 women, and 43 children. They expected to meet Lansford Hastings at Fort Bridger to act as a guide through the shortcut he had written about. Chapter three, the cutoff. So what is the shortcut that we keep hearing about?

SPEAKER_04:

Sounds like a lot of truck drivers know about this shortcut.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

this is really reminiscent on yeah was it the tory canyon is that the one that i was where the captain fell asleep yes the idea was like the captain's like no no no

SPEAKER_04:

take this way it's safer he went to bed and then his junior officers are like screw the captain we're gonna do it our way and we're gonna go in between this gap of jagged rocks

SPEAKER_01:

i'm an expert

SPEAKER_04:

And still keep the ship on autopilot so they couldn't actually make any corrections. Yeah. But I don't think these oxen carts had autopilot.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, if they get thirsty enough. I was going to say, well, maybe if they got scared. 200 miles ahead of the Donner party was Lanceford Hastings and a smaller wagon train that he was leading to California. Yeah. He decided to lead his group through the Hastings Cut-Off for the first time. While they traveled, they left notes for settlers to find to guide them or give them advice they're trying to help out. Because the Hastings party was smaller, it moved a little bit faster than the Donners, and it gave them a head start. Leaving notes was a clever way to help, and it was the least they could do when taking an untested route west on a time crunch. So at least he tried.

SPEAKER_04:

Right?

SPEAKER_00:

In hindsight. Back in Wyoming, the families who had chosen to take the shortcut chose George Donner as their leader for this stretch of the trip, just like they did back in Springfield. He was level-headed with experience, and George and his wife were well-respected amongst the settlers. It was noted that Reed was not chosen for his role due to his aristocratic nature and wealth, which didn't help his image while traveling with people who were not so fortunate. So Reed is a lot more outgoing and acts as leader, but wasn't given the official title because of his reputation as a stuck-up wealthy guy. But again, in all reality, he's a dude who comes off like too much and he really just wants to do what he can for his family. So I just want to keep noting that.

SPEAKER_04:

So like he wasn't really taken seriously. I'm assuming it's just like you go back to your palace and let us men figure this out.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes and no, because people still listen to him.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

People still followed him and George for the most part. So I wouldn't say that he was just brushed off, but it was more if he were chosen as leader, he wouldn't have as many followers as George would.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

If that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01:

Like more doubted. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00:

because he had a lot of money. And some of the other settlers were like, I don't like that. With his double-decker wagon. Like

SPEAKER_04:

you can't even... It's like a high cube. It's just so tall. He's trying to get it through a McDonald's drive-thru and he keeps hitting the...

SPEAKER_00:

The parking structure at the airport.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Suddenly it's turned into an open top because he's just sheared off the top of his palace.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. I know what I'm drawing for this episode.

SPEAKER_04:

A wagon stuck in a McDonald's drive-thru. A

SPEAKER_00:

bedazzled wagon. A McDonald's drive-thru. It has to be bedazzled, though.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, that's exactly what I thought

SPEAKER_00:

about. Yes, double-decker. Trying to get through the McDonald's.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely has to. Double-decker. Going through a 10-foot

SPEAKER_00:

max.

SPEAKER_04:

Like water sloshing out of the hot tub they have inside of it.

UNKNOWN:

Yep.

SPEAKER_04:

Or you see the wagon is like pulled through and then you see the top of it like perfectly sheared off. sitting behind them just on the ground like canvas and everything

SPEAKER_00:

perfect

SPEAKER_04:

all wrapped around it

SPEAKER_01:

torn off onto the 10-foot

SPEAKER_00:

about six days later the party arrived at fort bridger the last stop before the shortcut fort bridger was very very small it consisted of two cabins and a trading post That was it. The fort was run by famed mountain man and pioneer Jim Bridger. He and his partner built the fort specifically to give advice to travelers headed west. In this case, it's said that Bridger told the Donners that the path they were heading to was safe, quick and easy. According to Hastings' book, this route should only take a week to get to Salt Lake City. And that stop met with the original California Trail. So Bridger's word confirmed the information in the eyes of the Reeds. And the shortcut was legitimate. Like, this is going to be great. This heartened the party. They were super excited. And they were like, yeah, this is the right move. If this guy says that it's legitimate and the book says it's good to go, then this is it.

SPEAKER_01:

The amount of, like, questionable, yeah, this is legit, are, like, when you go to a parking lot carnival. Like, at the mall.

SPEAKER_00:

At the mall. The sketchy, like, rides. Yeah. Like the little

SPEAKER_04:

rollercoaster.

SPEAKER_00:

It's all rickety.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it's like a rollercoaster, and it doesn't have enough energy to go up, so it's just kind of like... It gets up there and then it just falls back. And then you're just like stuck in this divot for an hour until they figure out how to get you out.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, I'll put my kid on that. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04:

It's like, I'm sure there's an insurance claim in here somewhere. Oh,

SPEAKER_00:

guaranteed. It's fine. The next seven days of travel proved to be, as Bridger stated... However, on August 6th, the Donners found a note left by Hastings. And this is seven days of travel. This is the week we should be hitting Salt Lake City, right? The note stated that the trail ahead was difficult, especially for oxen and wagon travel. In the note, Hastings requested the reader to wait for him to return and find a new way through the Wasatch Mountains to California. So that's promising.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, that's a change of

SPEAKER_00:

plans. Seems legit.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Seems legit. And just for anybody who's wondering, the Wasatch Mountain Range runs north and south through northern Utah. So we're on the border of Wyoming and Utah right now. I'll put maps up. But the Donner Party decided to press ahead and look for Hastings instead of waiting for him to try to save time. It took him an extra five days to find him.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, great.

SPEAKER_00:

Shortcut. I haven't kept track at this point, but I know we're far behind. I think we're probably like two months late.

SPEAKER_04:

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00:

Something like that.

SPEAKER_04:

So what month are we in at this point?

SPEAKER_00:

This is August. We're in August right now.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah. Yeah, times are running out.

SPEAKER_00:

Times are ticking. We're like, because we found the note from Hastings on August 6th, and then it took five days to find him. So we're mid-August now. When the Donner party finally found Hastings, they requested that he guide them out through the mountains. Hastings refused. Instead... Yeah. We love you. Nice of him. We love him. Instead, he led the Donners and James Reed... So the Donner brothers, George and Jacob and James... Those three guys. He took them to a high peak to scope out a different way through the range. Hastings pointed out a different path than the one that he had just come from before continuing on his own way. He's like, maybe try that. Good luck. Bye.

SPEAKER_01:

You see that little path over there? I'm pretty sure that's the one you go down. Just take a look.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, just try that. Don't mind the plants. It's fine.

SPEAKER_04:

And if you get stuck, make sure you have plenty of food.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. The path there is just a little buried.

SPEAKER_04:

Bring a shovel.

SPEAKER_00:

Bring a shovel. Without much guidance or experience in this part of the country, the Donner Party took Hastings' word for it, because who else are they going to listen to, and took the path he had just suggested. Turns out, this particular path was disastrous. There was no trail, Any sort of path was non-existent deep within the canyons. Brush and plant life that needed to be cut away for wagons to pass. So that took a lot of time. And rocky terrain threatened to break every wooden wagon wheel that rolled through. It took the Donner party. You ready? It took them six days to travel eight miles. That is

SPEAKER_01:

unacceptable in so many different ways.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that not just infuriating? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I get mad when I can't, like, get to work under an hour. Right. Yeah, by an hour. And if I were to not be able to get to work for three months...

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, this is only going to take a week. Only a week, right?

SPEAKER_01:

The shortcut, the shortcut.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, the shortcut. The shortcut will fix everything.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, this is... This is all we need. 17 days later. 17 days later. 17 days. The Donner Party finally crossed through the Wasatch Mountains. It took them 17 days. Virginia Reed would later write, It had taken an entire month instead of a week, and our cattle were not fit to travel the desert. It was late August by the time the wagon train reached Salt Lake. The settlers were very aware that once they reached the Salt Lake in Utah, they would need to cross the Salt Lake Desert. Exhausted, the Donner party marched on with another 600 miles to go. Man. That's unbearable. There's more. Are we ready? Oh, no. Are you ready for the desert? But wait, there's more. No.

SPEAKER_01:

Are

SPEAKER_00:

you sure? Like, wait till the bombs come into play. All right, next chapter. What are we on chapter for?

SPEAKER_01:

He makes everyone angry, so let's see how this goes.

SPEAKER_00:

Chapter four, the desert.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, unless you took a shortcut to get there.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know, we are in late August, so it's going to be very comfortable.

SPEAKER_04:

Chapter one, two, and four. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00:

Smells good. That's it. Understanding that time was of the essence, the party trekked through the Salt Lake as fast as possible while still giving their animals moments of rest. On August 25th, the Donner party lost their second person. This person's name was Luke Halloran, and he died of consumption, so tuberculosis. He was traveling to California in hopes that the weather there would be better for his health and mitigate the illness. And he was said to have died in George Donner's wagon. He thanked them for their kindness while he was with them, and Halloran left them a little bit of money that he had left in a piece of property that he owned as a thank you to the Donners. One source I found wrote that Halloran's body was buried in a bed of pure salt, believing the salt would preserve the body. And they also claimed that they found free mason memorabilia in his trunk after he died, which I just thought that was an interesting tidbit about him. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. He was a younger guy. I think he was in his 30s, his late 20s, early 30s. Yeah. Yeah. A couple of days after Halloran's burial. The party found another note left by Hastings, but this one was torn up in pieces and shreds. Eliza Donner watched her mother pick this note up and put it back together as best as she could. The note said, Two days, two nights, hard driving across the desert, reach water. Do we trust the two days and two nights? I don't know. The party took this note very seriously, though. They trusted it. They were like, okay. Together, they collected as much spring water and vegetation, mostly grass, as they could carry in preparation for the journey, because take what you can get, right? On August 30th, we're at the very end of August, 1846, the Donner Party took their first steps into the Salt Lake Desert. The Great Salt Lake is a dry lake bed and home to the Bonneville Salt Flats. So for those of you who don't know, it's like this giant salt landscape where they used to race race cars on it's really neat look it up

SPEAKER_04:

yeah i mean little did they know that in like what 150 years like there'd be cars like dang you're breaking the sound barrier

SPEAKER_00:

right

SPEAKER_04:

in that that area because it's just so flat

SPEAKER_00:

can you imagine traveling that in wagons

SPEAKER_04:

yeah I mean, at least this way, they could just take all their meat and just roll it on the ground. And now it's salt cured.

SPEAKER_01:

Now it's preserved. Yeah. What's the movie where they sing rolling, rolling, rolling?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I don't

SPEAKER_01:

remember. What makes me think of...

SPEAKER_00:

Is that

SPEAKER_01:

American

SPEAKER_04:

Tail? I thought it was a John Wayne movie.

SPEAKER_00:

We'll have to look that one up.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

American... Is the one with the mice? American Tail? With Five-Ole? I think that's it. Yeah. Is that the movie? That's what I picture when you ask me that. Cute. I haven't watched that movie in a long time. I should watch it again. Anyway. Hastings had told the party. Yeah. Bible goes west. Bible goes west. I want to watch that movie now. After doing this research, I really want to watch that movie. Just watch it at school. Okay. Perfect. Hastings had told the party that the crossing was about 40 miles wide. Turns out it was 80. Double. Just double it. It's fine. Well, it was supposed to take two days. No big deal. No, it's fine.

SPEAKER_04:

Just double it. You know what? To be safe, let's just triple it.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's not like we're doubling it like, oh, 6

SPEAKER_01:

to 12. No, no,

SPEAKER_00:

no, no. No, no, no. 40 to 80. Yeah. And remember, on a good day, it takes 12 to 15 miles in a day.

SPEAKER_03:

This

SPEAKER_00:

is supposed to take two days. It took five. Water ran out on day three.

SPEAKER_04:

Good. In a salt flat.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's... Deja's doing that thing that we were doing with the oil spill.

SPEAKER_01:

Rubbing my temples.

SPEAKER_04:

Trying

SPEAKER_01:

to understand what's happening.

SPEAKER_04:

We're on the verge of Kara coming across a Ron Popeil Infomercial. But wait, there's more. They ran out of water. But that's okay. They only got 80 more miles to go. There is more, though.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm actually going to need a check-in actually next week. I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

SPEAKER_00:

So when you said that the oxen don't really have autopilot, they do. It's just not the autopilot you want. Their

SPEAKER_04:

definition of autopilot is like a runaway Tesla.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Looking

SPEAKER_01:

for water.

SPEAKER_03:

Like

SPEAKER_01:

Waymo, just off its rocker.

SPEAKER_00:

Perfect. One settler named Edwin Bryant wrote later about his experience, saying, Day after day we traveled over an arid plain, the intense heat reflecting from the salty crush and blinding waves. Our animals gave out, some dropping dead in the harness. Others broke loose and fled wildly in the distance, crazed by thirst and exhaustion. Eventually, Reed returned, claiming that he searched for water for hours, maybe the full day, and failed. due to the disorienting nature of the desert. He told the party upon his return that he would see water in the distance, but it never came to fruition. It was more likely that he was seeing the heat waves on the horizon line, you know, when it gets really hot, and that's probably what he was seeing.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, that's actually what causes mirages, is the... You're seeing the heat waves interact with the atmosphere,

SPEAKER_03:

and

SPEAKER_04:

it causes that shimmering effect. I mean... I don't know. If I was in their situation and I saw that, I would be like,

SPEAKER_00:

there's water

SPEAKER_04:

out there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

So I don't blame them one bit for falling victim to mirages.

SPEAKER_00:

Not me either. It was really common. So upon his return, Reed also found that his cattle were gone. Either dead from exhaustion or they ran off into the desert. Virginia... Oh. Goodness. That's rough. The laws forced families to abandon extra wagons and belongings. They could only bring bare essentials with them now. Some families buried belongings while others just left them out in the open or in the abandoned wagons. One of the wagons left behind was the palace wagon, unfortunately. We had to leave the double-decker in the desert.

SPEAKER_04:

No, they left it at the McDonald's.

SPEAKER_00:

The double-decker. They had to leave the double-decker at McDonald's.

SPEAKER_04:

They couldn't get

SPEAKER_01:

it from under the 10-foot

SPEAKER_00:

post.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. There's like a line of cars like two miles long every honking their horns because this wagon just got stuck in a McDonald's drive-thru.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. This makes me think of Holes.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh,

SPEAKER_01:

yeah. I could totally see that. Kissing Kate Barlow. was trailing behind these people waiting to steal their stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

On the fifth day, the party reached the edge of the desert on the border of Nevada and Utah. It was early September and fall was fast approaching. At the same time, while they were finally getting out of the desert, Lanceford Hastings and the wagon train he was with, as well as the giant wagon train the Donners were a part of before that the Donners left independence with, They all arrived safely in California. Everybody arrived except those of the party that went left back at Little Sandy River. Oh,

SPEAKER_04:

boy.

SPEAKER_00:

All right. Chapter four, Nevada. Before the Donner party continued west, they stopped for rest. Checking on their supplies, they realized that they were dangerously low on resources. It certainly was not enough to make it to California, and they knew that. To make things worse, it began to snow that night. It was decided amongst the group that someone needed to ride ahead on horses for a supply run while the rest of the party continued at a slower pace. Two men volunteered for the job, Charles Stanton and William McCutcheon. McCutcheon? We're going to go with McCutcheon because that sounds better.

SPEAKER_04:

It doesn't matter. They're all dead. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00:

I guess. McCutcheon was a farmer from Missouri and Stanton was a bachelor from Chicago. He was a businessman. And Stanton was the first person to volunteer for this job. But because he was a bachelor, he didn't have any family to come back for. Some of the settlers were like, okay, somebody needs to go with this guy to make sure he doesn't ditch us. So that's why they sent McCutcheon along. McCutcheon would write letters to his family frequently on his quest for supplies. And later, his letters would be published in New York newspapers. So you can still read them. You just have to know where to look. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I thought so, too. The Donner Party continued west towards Humboldt River, Nevada, where they would meet the old trail that led to California. So finally, we're seeing the end of this shortcut. They reached the old California trail in the Humboldt River, in Humboldt River, on September 26, 1846. Turns out that the shortcut, in quotes, shortcut, that the Donner Party made took... 125 miles longer than the established trail. Oh, my.

SPEAKER_01:

Dirt. I know. I

SPEAKER_00:

know.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, my vegetables. Oh,

SPEAKER_04:

man. Only to get stuck in a McDonald's drive-thru. And

SPEAKER_00:

we lost our bedazzled wagon. Bedazzled wagon. Dude. Not the double-decker. Not the double-decker. By early October... Oh, I know. It's so bad. By early October, frustrated, tired, defeated, the party still continued to travel west. We just got to get to California. Give up. Give up.

SPEAKER_04:

No. Yeah. Just,

SPEAKER_00:

like, stop. You come where you are.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. Just settle there. Just stop right now. Begin a

SPEAKER_01:

settlement right now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

On October 5th, the settlers had been working their way up a steep hill. They had to double up their oxen, because there aren't many left, in order to get all of the wagons up safely. The Graves family wagon, and the Graves family is another family that is written about frequently. They're interesting. I just didn't have a lot of time to write about the Graves family, but I suggest you do. The Graves family wagon, driven by James Snyder, had gotten tangled up with the Reed's wagon. So their oxen got tangled in reins or something of that nature. Snyder became angry and began beating Reed's ox with the butt of his whip. Reed saw the commotion. Rude, I know. James Reed saw this and attempted to speak with Snyder to get him to calm down. And just so we are all on the same page, Reed and Snyder were actually good friends. They have known each other for a little bit. Not no more. Snyder argued, or I'm sorry, Reed argued, that the oxen's health was more important than the frustrations of the entanglement. Period. Reed suggested that they find a solution to fix the issue at the top of the hill once we figured out what to do. However, hotter heads prevailed. Snyder refused to go up the hill or come down, and he turned his bullwhip on Reed's head as opposed to the ox's head, and Reed was... He hit over the head multiple times with blood rushing down his face. Reed pulled his hunting knife out and stabbed Snyder in the chest out of self-defense. Snyder died within 30 minutes of the incident.

SPEAKER_04:

This is going swimmingly.

SPEAKER_00:

It's rough, guys. It's rough, guys. Immediately, people in the party became angry or frustrated and camp was made very, very quickly. The Reeds took refuge in their tents while the rest of the Donner Party convened in a makeshift council to decide on how to proceed. Many felt that Reed should have been punished for the murder of Snyder, even though Reed had a good claim for self-defense. Some even felt that he should be hanged for his murder or manslaughter. Yeah,

SPEAKER_04:

self-defense murder.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. While the Donner Party was deliberating, Reed, in his tent... with his family, asked his daughter Virginia to assist him with bandaging his head. His wife was still ill from the walk through the desert. Virginia agreed to help, but she asked James to show her how to wrap his wounds because she's only 13. She did so successfully. Good on her. But she did write down later that she did cry as she was doing it because it was a lot.

SPEAKER_01:

What else is she going to do? Go ahead, girl. Go cry. I

SPEAKER_00:

think Yeah, do you? Also, Virginia, my heart goes out to her. She's one of my favorites of the story. But Virginia wrote later as well that... She's going to be okay. Her father and Snyder were very good friends, as I had said, and he felt nothing but guilt in terms of the outcome of this argument. He felt super bad. So again, like I'm saying, he has kind of a hot head and he likes to do things a certain way, but his intentions are always... Good. Reed claimed self-defense when given the chance to defend himself among the party. They denied his appeal, and they wanted to punish him anyway. Fortunately for Reed, the party did not decide to hang him, like the one guy suggested. Instead, they chose to banish him from the party. So, no, we're not going to kill you, but we are going to kick you out.

SPEAKER_01:

Good.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. They gave him a horse and one more night with his family before they sent him away. Initially, Reed did not agree to this punishment. He thought it was really dumb. He kept trying to argue it. He really felt that leaving his family was inherently wrong and he fought to stay with his family, which.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Fair. Fair. Yeah. Yeah. Fair. But when the rest of the party gave him no choice, his wife was the person who convinced him to accept the decision. She told him that their family would be safe with the larger group, and it was unrealistic for them to leave with him because they had small children. And she was ill.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

In her eyes, it was the only solution to the issue at hand right now. I know. Our guy. All right. The next day, we're going to keep going. We're almost there. We're almost done with part one. Part one's almost done. The next day on October 7th, James Reed helped Barry Snyder, because he's a good guy like that, said goodbye to his wife and his youngest children and walked towards his horse. Behind him was 13-year-old Virginia carrying his guns, some food, and her younger brother, Elliot, walking behind her.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_00:

No. James... I know. James said goodbye to Virginia. Gave her a big old hug. He's crying, giving him his things. And then he hugs her brother, Elliot, getting on the horse. Onto his horse and rode away. Virginia. This is the saddest thing ever. I know, it's really sad. Virginia walked back to camp where her mother was. She wrote later of the experience. I had cried until I had hardly strength to walk. But when we reached camp and I saw the distress of my mother, with the little ones clinging around her and no arm to lean on, it seemed suddenly to make a woman of me. I realized that I must be strong and help Mama bear her sorrows. The Donner party continued west slowly. The settlers were now walking alongside the wagons to help the oxen spare their energy. On October 12th, the party lost another 21 oxen. They were shot by nearby Native Americans, making the total number of oxen lost to about 100. Wow. On October 16th, the party made it to the Truckee River, marking the entrance to the Sierra Nevada mountain range. Finally, on the 19th of October, you guys remember the two men that were sent out to get relief. Yes. On the 19th, Charles Stanton found the party. He arrived with two Native American guides, seven mules, and a whole lot of food. Oh. Okay. Stanton had also brought news that snow was not expected to block the mountain range for another month. Famous last

SPEAKER_04:

words. Let

SPEAKER_00:

this moment be happy. Despite the weather being extremely cold with light snow... With resupplies and news of an open mountain range, the Donner party felt it was safe to rest for another five days before their journey into the mountains. It's way too long. And that's where I'm going to leave it. It's way too long. I'm going to leave it there. We need

SPEAKER_01:

to sit for 30 minutes

SPEAKER_00:

and

SPEAKER_01:

go.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's one of those things like, okay.

SPEAKER_04:

You just look at your watch like, all right. Yeah, we're taking a 30 and then we're moving on. Right,

SPEAKER_00:

like we need to go. But that's where I'm going to leave part one. Oh, man. We're going to leave it outside of the Sierra Nevada mountain range in mid-October. Oh,

SPEAKER_04:

God.

UNKNOWN:

Man.

SPEAKER_04:

It's just so funny. Well, it's not funny. It's just ironic. It's

SPEAKER_01:

hilarious.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it's a great time. But it's just so ironic that that whole location that Donner's Pass and Truckee and all that stuff... That is the bane of the existence of truck drivers in the winter, trying to get through all of that. And even with developed roads and chains and these fancy trucks and whatnot, it's still a nightmare. It's rough. In fact, when I first became a driver manager, we had a driver who was stuck there in January for like two weeks. He couldn't... His truck was snowed in and he was just living there for like two weeks. He built like all these old snowmen

SPEAKER_01:

all

SPEAKER_04:

over the place. Like, what else are you supposed to do?

SPEAKER_00:

Wilson. Yeah, right. Wilson in the mountains.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, no.

SPEAKER_00:

We're going to get to a lot of snow and other things in the next

SPEAKER_01:

part. I hate it. I hate snow. I know. Kara, I hate the cold. I live in Arizona. In southern Arizona.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. You're going to want to stay living here after part two is over. Oh,

SPEAKER_04:

yeah. After part two, it's like I'm not traveling ever

SPEAKER_00:

again. Yeah. I'm never moving. I'm

SPEAKER_01:

actually

SPEAKER_00:

staying in my house. I'm not leaving.

SPEAKER_01:

And we don't even ride an oxen anymore.

SPEAKER_04:

And we're not taking our wagon through the McDonald's drive-thru. That's for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

So I ask you guys again, have you ever taken a shortcut that didn't work out

SPEAKER_04:

well I don't know looking back

SPEAKER_00:

at it so

SPEAKER_01:

not like that

SPEAKER_04:

like looking back at it like I think I took the right way yeah what's gonna happen here um yes I've taken a shortcut that didn't work out but not as bad as this

SPEAKER_01:

it's rough I've definitely not taken a shortcut that killed what 80 oxen how many oxen almost 80 oxen yeah 100 oxen oh my god and how many people's

SPEAKER_00:

pupils i am not going to spoil that so far too

SPEAKER_01:

yeah okay fine sure but still two's enough right

SPEAKER_04:

yep and then like you're banishing people at the same time gosh yeah it's just

SPEAKER_00:

oh no i'm sorry three so three people

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, yeah, because there was a lady with tuberculosis, and then there was the dude with tuberculosis.

SPEAKER_00:

And then the guy who got stabbed.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

And then the guy that

SPEAKER_04:

got stabbed,

SPEAKER_02:

yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Mr.

SPEAKER_04:

Schneider. He found out that he's allergic to knives.

SPEAKER_01:

Mr. Rob Schneider.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. He has this reaction where he just dies. Jeez. Sorry. That sounds like one

SPEAKER_04:

of those prescription medication commercials where side effects can include blindness and loss of hearing and uncontrollable rectal hemorrhaging and brief bouts of death.

SPEAKER_01:

Spontaneous combustion.

SPEAKER_04:

It may result in men getting pregnant.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It reminds me of Mean Girls. You will get pregnant and you will die.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's part one, guys. We've got double-decker bedazzled wagons. And lots of shortcuts that aren't short. So stick around for part two.

SPEAKER_04:

And a lot of famous last words.

SPEAKER_00:

And a lot of famous last words over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_04:

Nice.

SPEAKER_00:

And a lot of seems legit. A lot of legitimacy.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Hey, check out this map on this napkin. And if we go where this little coffee stain is at, that's a shortcut and that'll get us right through. So we just got to find the coffee stain on this trail and we're good to go.

SPEAKER_00:

That's like when they went up to the peak and Hastings is like, just go that way. It's like, that one will be good.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Like, you know, my eye twitched on the left. So I think we should go right.

SPEAKER_00:

They should have went right. Let's be real.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You know. All

SPEAKER_00:

right, guys. Stick around for part two. That one will be more of a doozy than part one. So wait for that one to come out.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And...

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah,

SPEAKER_00:

I need a break from the heartbreak. Yeah, take a

SPEAKER_04:

break. Actually... We should probably do an episode on that, that plane with the soccer players that crashed in the Andes. We could.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_04:

And they were there for like, what is it, like 200 days or something wild?

SPEAKER_00:

We do have a couple palate cleansers lined up, and then we can do that. We do have some palate cleansers. So after palate cleansers, we can do

SPEAKER_04:

that.

SPEAKER_00:

But yes, that's a good

SPEAKER_04:

idea. I know I'm working on a project that involves the polar ice caps melting. And all of humanity is living in a giant ocean planet.

SPEAKER_00:

Sweet.

SPEAKER_04:

And it was turned into a movie that absolutely tanked. It's almost like the whole world was nothing but water.

SPEAKER_00:

Like a water world?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like Mad Max meets the ocean. Is there a guy by the name of Kevin... Kevin Bacon

SPEAKER_04:

especially when it was already like$20 million over budget and all that. But yeah, it's going to be a prime example that if you feel like you're walking into a dumpster fire, throwing more money at it isn't going to be guaranteed to make it better.

SPEAKER_01:

It's going to make it worse. It's going to make it worse.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Usually.

SPEAKER_04:

Nice.

SPEAKER_01:

Money's flammable. I'm not working on a palate cleanser, just so you know. That's

SPEAKER_00:

fine.

SPEAKER_01:

You'll need a palate cleanser after mine, and I'm very sorry, but that's what I'm here for.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. I'm glad for it. Are you doing a true

SPEAKER_04:

crime thing, or are you going to do a Kara and not tell me anything?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I'm not going to tell you anything, but it is going to be true crime related, and I will tell you that. Someone is going to die. I will have to give a little warning in the beginning. But, you know... A lot of people die in these unfortunate failures, so we'll find some really great outcome. So far, my favorite is the Bedazzled Wagon.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Like a rhinestone cowboy.

SPEAKER_01:

I like the wagon underneath the

SPEAKER_04:

McDonald's post. The thing that's on a chain, and it's all jacked up and mangled because it's a wagon. Like a can of stoga stuck to it.

SPEAKER_01:

And then... And then the little lady that's talking out of the intercoms just like, and then...

SPEAKER_00:

On that note, do we have any housekeeping before we go? No,

SPEAKER_04:

my wagon is stuck. No, I don't want a sausage egg McMuffin. I need help getting out of this stupid drive-thru. okay we're just gonna walk from here bye

SPEAKER_00:

all right well come back for part two come back for part two and more wagon jokes i guess i'm afraid about the other jokes that might come out of this but come back for the wagon jokes we'll see you next time

SPEAKER_04:

Well, but there is housekeeping.

SPEAKER_00:

I tried to get the housekeeping in.

SPEAKER_04:

I know, I know. I derailed it. Yeah, I know. But yeah, be sure, guys, to tell friends about the show. Try to find family members. Try to show them how to actually get to a podcast. Because everybody's got that aunt that... Well, everybody's got that aunt that still doesn't know... What a podcast is. And I just found out that today, or actually as of like last week, there are more people in America that know about podcasting than there are people that don't. So in other words, we're over 50% of the population of America has listened to or does listen to podcasts. So this is like a great opportunity to get people onto our show. So yeah, grab their phones. And tell them to go there Feel free to send us an email At thedaysdumpsterfire At gmail.com We will respond And we are always open to ideas Especially Keep me in the loop Because everybody's bent on Keeping me in the dark about Episode ideas for some odd reason So

SPEAKER_00:

I like surprises It's fun

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah I guess it's fun

SPEAKER_00:

I don't, but it's a lot of fun. Yeah, it's like a

SPEAKER_04:

really bad Christmas present. I

SPEAKER_00:

know this one was like a bad Christmas present. But I felt like when you figured out what it was, you got a little bit excited.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes, it was like that light bulb goes off. Like, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what I wanted. Sorry, I'm

SPEAKER_04:

derailing it. But yeah, send us an email. We're on Instagram. And, uh, be sure to hit up our website, the days dumpster fire.com. Uh, check out Kara's artwork on there. Uh, especially this wagon one that I'm certain is going to be very interesting.

SPEAKER_01:

It's going to be my favorite of all. Yes. And

SPEAKER_04:

maybe she'll have that wagon being pulled by two like Highland cows.

SPEAKER_00:

In the desert. And they're

SPEAKER_04:

like super emo. They're like blowing the bangs away.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, can you though? Wait, do a separate one because we got to do like... I'll figure it out. Okay. But do a separate one where

SPEAKER_00:

we've got emo... Okay, got it. Yeah, anyways. Oh, those poor wagons.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah,

SPEAKER_04:

be sure to check us out on everything. Send us a message. Hit us up. Let us know if you have any ideas. Let us know if you yourself have ever tried taking a shortcut and that not end so well. But all fairness, we know it ended well because you're alive to be able to tell us what happened. So that's good. Big plus.

SPEAKER_01:

Unless you are... Virginia Reed, then I will cry, and I don't know if I'm ready

SPEAKER_00:

to cry. I will not spoil anything for you. Yeah, that's her name.

SPEAKER_04:

Got

SPEAKER_01:

it. It's Virginia Reed.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, she's like the 13-year-old that now has to become a woman?

SPEAKER_00:

That's her. We love her.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. So if she dies, then we're all going to get pissed?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I'm going to be

SPEAKER_01:

so angry. Oh, I'm going to throw knuckles. I

SPEAKER_04:

mean, technically, this is 1840, so she's going to be dead anyways, but...

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not going

SPEAKER_00:

to fight Mother

SPEAKER_01:

Nature.

SPEAKER_00:

I guess you could try to fight

SPEAKER_01:

Macy's.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Yeah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_04:

In the double-decker.

SPEAKER_00:

Bottoms up.

SPEAKER_04:

There's a boxing ring inside this double-decker. It's like a Harry Potter wagon. You walk in there and it's just this massive opulent

SPEAKER_00:

rig. Actually, that's a

SPEAKER_04:

great idea.

SPEAKER_00:

Anywho, we're going to let you guys go because it's late and we're spiraling.

SPEAKER_04:

yes all right guys keep it a hot mess and we'll see you on the next one bye

SPEAKER_01:

or don't

SPEAKER_04:

great