King William's Botched Funeral And Exploding Whales Fire - Episode 58

After a bit of a break, Kara and Ed are back on the mic with a real "banger" of an episode so to speak. Our hosts are trying something different where they both put in their own contributions to the idea of how things go bad even after death. 

Kara's going to start of with King William the Conqueror's rise to fame and subsequent death and the issues that can arise when you don't bury a portly man in a quick enough time.  Let's just say it involves a burning village in the middle of a dispute of who owns the land the King is being buried, and how to squeeze a fat dude in a small coffin... it doesn't end the way you think!

Ed's contribution takes us to Florence, Oregon in 1970, where a 40 foot 8,000 dead whale washes ashore for about a week and no one knows how to remove it. So they use 200 lbs of dynamite to blow the thing into the ocean. Once again... it doesn't end the way you would think. 

So take a listen and embrace the fact that you're currently doing better than William the Conqueror and a dead whale on a beach (or any of bystanders who watched what happened)

For some other episodes that you might find interesting that kind of tie into this one check these out. 

The Valley of the Kings and King Tut

Byford Dolphin Incident

Boston Molasses Flood

For a complete catalog of nearly 60 historical dumpster fires, check out The Day's Dumpster Fire website!

Hey before you go!

Email us your "Trashcan Fires" to thedaysdumpsterfire@gmail.com (be sure to put "Trashcan Fire" in the subject line.

We would love to see your stories where you tried to plan out every little detail, but when you executed that plan, it all went horribly wrong shortly after and turned into your own Dumpster Fire.

Be sure to put "Trashcan Fire" in the subject line followed by the title of the story and whether or not we can use your name.

Check us out on the ol Instagrams!
https://www.instagram.com/thedaysdumpsterfire/

Transcript

0:15

Hey everybody, this is your day's, Demsre Fire, where we don't celebrate humanity's successes, but it's most fantastic failures. I am one of your hosts, Ed. Joining me as always is Cara, how are you doing on this late, late

Kara: 0:29

night? Hello, hello, hello. I am doing pretty good on this late 9.35 PM Sunday evening before Labor Day. Were everybody, like still people got to go to work? Yeah, sorry for the friends who have to work tomorrow. Thankfully I don't, but that's okay. Oh wait, yeah, you're off tomorrow, aren't you? Sure, yeah. Ah, yeah, I'm off, husband's that that's, off. Why you're, you're recording tomorrow as well. Okay, correct? Because that that that, We're doing great. that would have been weird if you're recording from the classroom? No, no, not doing that. But yeah, it's been a hot minute. Um, don't worry, we are not suffering from podveid. We were in California getting training and then we found out while in the middle of our training that they're doing away with our teaching jobs. So then we had to figure that out and then some crazy guy like deleted our account or a podcast host to reupload all 57 episodes plus transcripts and and all that stuff. And um, that takes a while. That is, uh, that is a very tedious process that I hope that God I never have to do again. Because I think I was sitting in the classroom just like not teaching and just uploading. But that's okay. all that to say, it's been a long summer and sorry that we were gone for so long, but that's okay. We're back. We're here. We're ready. Yep, I'm ready. Juvenated refresh. Yes. A whole list of new dumpster fires. That's like the one cool thing about all this is like I was able to. We haven't stopped. Yeah, yeah, we we've been constantly researching new and creative ideas. Um, like this episode about failed funerals, exploding bodies, uh, this is a, yeah, this is this is going to be a grizzly, uh, episode that's going, it's, it's going to involve a a a a king of England and it's going to involve a very exploding whale. yes, And, uh, this is going to be a very different episode. So why don't you hit it off? Yeah, uh, let's call a double bill to steal from the world of film. Um, you get one from me and you get one from Ed. So I'm going to start I guess. I'll start with good ol, uh, Willie and the conquerer. Okay. We know William, right? 1066, taken over England at the battle of Hastings, all that fun stuff. If not, that's okay. We can go over it very quickly. This isn't the same Willie and the conquerer from the, Crusades, is he? Uh, this is before the Crusades. This is Willie and the conquerer, battle of Hastings, 1066, first king of England from the Normandy. Oh, So okay. very, very famous, especially if you're into British history or world history, if you're a nerd like me, all history. And I didn't know this, but there is an awesome fun, maybe rumor about him and his funeral after he died. I will say, please, please, please, when we get to the funeral part, take it with a grain of salt because there's only maybe two primary sources out there. One is like 50 years removed. The other one is from like some sensationalist journalists at the time period, which of the time period, so we're talking 1100 or something stupid. So take that with a grain of salt. But it's a fun story. Well, I got, I know you, you do your research a little differently because you, you look at, because you're a historian, you focus on the primary sources. I'm a British lit major. I look at history through the lens literature. yeah, of, And even during 1066, there wasn't a lot of literature out there. Like, no, this one comes from two monks. Okay. Like the ecclesiastical, what is it called? Sorry. I have it. There it is. The ecclesiastical history of Orderic Battalus, which is primary. It's from the time period, but it's basically, it's kind of cool. It's like a giant historical account written by monks about the history of England. I recommend it if you're a nerd like me, It's really neat. What then? This was written when? It was written between... I can't remember because it's been a little bit since I've done this particular research because my brain has been somewhere else. It was written between like 11 or 1200 and I think they stopped adding to it in 1800. Don't note me on that. I have to double check it. I'll have the double check it, but this particular version that I- Thrilling read. It's actually really interesting, but this particular version that I found was edited in 1969. So that just tells you how much it's used quite a lot. I would say considering how old it is. Interesting. But it's cool. It's neat, but yes, when we get to the funeral part, take it with a great assault. I just thought it was a fun story. And again, because I do history different than you do when it comes to primary sources. Always take into consideration the different things when you're looking to primary resources. Anyways, I'll get off my soapbuck. Let's talk about William the first. And we know him as Willie in the conqueror. Before the Battle of Hastings in 1066, he was known as Willie in the Bastard. And for anybody interested, I do recommend looking into the battle and the fight for England in the early 11th century. You can make a TV series out it. Super cool. I enjoyed researching it. You will probably enjoy a TV show about it if you don't want to read most of young people. That's fine. We got this. Willie in the first was born in Normandy, France in 1028. He was the older son of Robert I, the Duke of Normandy, from 1027 to 1035. And one of Robert's concubines, hence the nickname Willie in the Bastard. So he wasn't full blood born the son of King Anne Queen. He was kind of like, yeah, he was the Bastard. Anyway, Robert, his dad died in 1035. And that made Williams a new Duke of Normandy at the ripe old age of seven. William's childhood. Yeah, he was a kid, man. He was little. William's childhood was a very interesting affair, as you can imagine. Numerous rebellions and assassination attempts on his life, as well as a few successful ones on his guardians while he was coming of age. We can likely chalk these up to attempts made to take the Duchy over from Willie and while he was still a child, which makes sense. I feel like this is very similar to like, like the number one cause of death of Roman Empire, Emperor was being a Roman Emperor. I feel like at this time there was a of that going on. Like kings were kind of like it was I could sketchy to be a king. Yeah, it was very sketchy to be the king. And I would I would argue that it's sketchy to be any kind of monarch, especially in Britain, all the way up until maybe the 1700s. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, because it didn't really calm down until the 1700s. No, because you have the English Civil War. You have the Rose Wars. You have, that's a fun one. That's one that I'll have to do when I have more time. But yeah. But yes, it's very common, especially when a child is in charge of a kingdom. Usually what will happen is people will try to take out the people in charge of the kid and either try to raise the kid themselves or take care of the kid. Um. Yeah, the bad is that sounds. That's just kind of how it was. But anyway, back to William. By 15, he was knighted and the older he got the more powerful who he became in terms of being a fighter in a soldier. So you know, if you continue. Yeah, it's like sports. Go sports. In terms of what this guy looks like, we have some accounts, but they should be with scrutiny. So like I was saying, our primary sources, just remember. Yeah, you have to think about context. They say that when he was young, William was a little above average height for the time period. And he was a big dude, like sick with seas. He was hot. Okay. When he was older, more accounts suggests that he was actually a heavier guy, not sick, but like he was fat. So what. Well, that from mean look at Henry the eighth. I mean, oh, he was worse. But he started off super hot and then He was worse. Yeah. super fat as he got older. Yes, correct. It seems to be a trend with English rulers or maybe just these two guys, I don't know. But yeah, same, same, same, same issue. Apparently before 1066, William ruled Normandy as Duke very successfully. He claimed he was promised this throne by Edward, the confessor, the throne of England, I should say. Sometime in the 1050s. So he was doing so well, the Edward was like, you're my homie and you're doing really well. And I think after I die, you should take the throne in England. So it'll be cool. But when Edward died, Harold, the second was crowned instead of Edward, instead of William when Edward died. which is unfortunate. It's a whole thing. We don't have to go over Yeah. too much. It's very games of throne, it but is. Or a house of the dragon like. Yes. It is 100%. And like I said, you could make it into a movie. It's really interesting to read about. It's fantastic, but we're going to kind This is the nutshell version. His victory at the Battle of Hastings has been remembered in English history for changing the direction of culture and government. There. It's quite possible that if he had not one England relations with France forms of government and alliances could have panned out very differently. I think this is a fun thought experiment when you really think about it. It challenges your history knowledge and it. You get to try to answer the question like, what if so what if somebody else one and you can like check in and see the different there are three guys who fought for Try it in to. 1066. Try to do the the butterfly effect. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's pretty interesting. What is that called counterfactuals? That's it. That's it. It's a fun game to play, especially if you know a lot about each of the guys who fought for it. Yeah. It's a good Yeah. time. Yeah. I remember watching an episode of Big Bang Theory where a sheldon Amy were playing counterfactuals and they're like, OK, if. If this person ran over this person in a car, what would happen? And then they're like, Amy's like, oh, well beabors will take over the world. What's that, and then she like mapped it all out. That is ridiculous. Yes. And you too can play that game with a battle of. Yes, OK, with all that said, William McCain, King of England on Christmas day 1066 in West Minister Abbey. Williams rule is King is complicated. Some sources make him out to be a very powerful and great leader. Others paint so much more brutal picture of a king who took advantage of his power and led with an iron fist, so it kind of just depends on. Yeah. I guess if you're in his inner circle, you're you're like, yeah, this is a great guy. If you are not in his inner circle, he was probably going to be a jerk to you. Yeah. I could see that. That's probably fair. Yeah. Most sources agree that he continued in favor of the church as he did in Normandy. So he was a friend of the church of England, but not the church of England. I think it was probably the. It's been a bit the Catholic church. Not the look. We'll have to look, but anyway, he was close to the church. He was doing churchy things. But when rebellions cropped up in England, William was said to have put them down with such violence. It was shocking even to people living during the time period, which I think is saying something considering violence was more commonplace during this period than it is. Especially today, like it's very different today with brutality and violence. So they say, William crushed the early rebellions began to get whatever English aristocracy still existed. He replaced aristocratic members or officials, such as landowners, church leaders and military leaders with Norman people, making the government of England ruled by Frenchman. People likely couldn't even communicate with government leaders efficiently due to different languages and culture between the two. Now you can kind of see why there were early rebellions when William first covered, I get it. William began erecting stone castles throughout England, including the famous tower of London. It's been around forever. Wow. Yep. Was that old? Yeah, it's pretty interesting. It's pretty cool, tower London. I've always wanted to see it. He gave scholars and advisors enough freedom to streamline the English economy and his new central government. He spent most of his time ruling from Normandy, while his trusted people were in England. So he would only return if it was absolutely necessary under dire circumstances. By the 1080s, William had expanded his kingdom into Scotland and Wales. He had a son Henry, knighted in 1082, while also returning his half-brother Bishop Odo from Italy back to England. He was believed to begin a campaign in Italy and an attempt to become the Pope. All this work and remotely, huh? Yeah, I guess so, man. Odo trying to be Pope over there. wa- so large an army of horse and foots from France and Brittany as never before sought this land, so that men wondered how this land could feed hull that that force, unquote. That's a good quote, I like it. Yeah, it's pretty solid. Really giant army. William, just let us army used whatever resources they found without care for the locals there, according to the chronicle. So as you can imagine, that was probably very frustrating for people just trying to get by, you know, your outside and your little hut or whatever on your farm, doing you and the army can't be safe. The army comes in and takes all your crops. Yeah. That's a pretty common thing. Oh yeah, but still with an army that big, probably even more frustrating. Do we have an estimate of, like, how many men were in that? I'd have to look, I use mostly sources that are very, very old. And I would have to do more digging to see if I could find a number because that also involves, like, archaeology and other sources that I don't currently have in front of me, but I'm sure if you looked at a secondary source, you could probably find some sort of estimate. Yeah, somebody who did more research than I did on this particular part of Williams life, because I was focused on the fun part. William ended up not needing to use this giant army, couldn't died in 1086 before any battle commenced, couldn't had a revolt spring up before he left for England, where he was assassinated, that's unfortunate for him. Yeah, it's a little anticlimactic, but whatever. After Knuth's death, Willie remained in England and completed a full survey of his country. It was called the Don't Stay book, not Doomsday, but Doomsday. I thought this is really interesting. I originally read this as Doomsday, it was very confusing because I couldn't figure out why they made a book on a census of landowners in England and taxes, just to call it a Doomsday text, taxes and death it is. Anyway, That's, that's, that's a very British thing it to is. figure out why they made a book on a census of landowners in England and taxes, like, I don't know, I just, I just feel like that is something that Britain would do. It's also historian gold and I'm so glad that he did it. It's just the name was a little confusing, you know. Yeah, anyway, it's basically a record of all the lands in England, including landowners, farmers, servants, amenities, and how much all of those things were worth at the time period. It's one of the most important historical documents that we have to come out of his reign, and it's also really impressive, because it's a piece of administration done by hand, like, you have dudes walking to farms, how many people we have living here, how much is this, where how much is that worth, and it's his entire, yeah, like, that's, and it's amazing that that survived. Yeah, it's really interesting, it's pretty cool. You can still, I think you can still find it, I remember looking at it. Yeah, it's neat. So we're going to get to Mr. Bastard's death. Throughout his entire time, his king, William was often in battle. He stopped them as well as started them throughout France while maintaining control of England at the same time. In 1087, the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle begins with this really fun quote, that I like, "1, 087 years after the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the 21st year since William ruled and governed England as God had granted him, it became a very severe and pestilential year in his country, pestilential." Yeah, that's it. Yep. Yep. Yikes. That's a bad deal. Essentially, the Chronicle lays out a fun time. Disease, famine, death. It also describes the king and his men not giving a flying flip and only wanting gold, going to great lengths to get it. This was mostly land deals from what I can gather. So William would sell land to one guy and then another guy would offer more. He would break the original agreement, sometimes in writing, and then get more gold from the other guy and so on and so on and so on. You just keep doing that. Apparently, a bunch of churches ehm, and a town, and some more churches burnt down, um, so that's cool. In July of that year, William, who's now 59, demanded the return of a few French provinces from the king of France. He went so far as to send an army out against the king, and burned down one of the towns, he demanded to have back from the king, so he burnt the that's... town that, ehm. That's intense. It's very intense. He was an attenstude. While the town burned, the king fell. William, like, literally fell on his face or something. I don't know. Really? Some accounts-- Still tripped on a rock and then-- Like, he fell. Some accounts say he was injured while others say he'd fell. Ill, uh, afterwards, the most glorious thing about it is the most glorious is that William's horse. Okay, yeah. The most glorious thing is that William's horse tried to jump a ditch, and he didn't make it. William was thrown and his organs ruptured into the process. Either way, he was out of commission. He fell-- Uh-oh. It was-- and he was--yeah, the story goes. He was on his horse. And, like, he was drawn from his horse. Kind of, like, Henry the eighth, similar. Yeah. Except, like, he didn't go into the horse pommel. He'd, like, fell out of it. Whatever. It happened, either way. So, so, horse's guts went everywhere. Uh, no guts went everywhere. William's guts ruptured inside. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, Sorry. I probably wasn't very clear because this is the first time I'm reading yeah. this, but it's been a long time. Yeah, we've got to specify whose guts are flying. You That's mentioned very-- yeah. guts. We've got to-- Very fair. Winter ship to those. Very fair point. William's guts ruptured inside his body, probably. Maybe. Overall, there are two accounts of the events of William's deaths that we have recorded. You have the-- they Ubitu Willlemi by an anomalous monk of Khan, Khan, Khan, which is shorter, but contemporary, meaning it was made at the same time that this is happening. You could argue that this monk was there, or he had heard about it, and William's death from somebody who was there. We're not really sure, but the wife span of this particular monk in the date he wrote it those coincide with the death of William and his funeral. Okay. And this is what I was talking about, so we have this guy. The second one, and I read both of these, they're both great, but the second one, well, about 60 years removed from his death, so 60 years later, it is considered more reliable by historians. They like this one better. This one, the Historia Ecclesiola of the Order of a Talice, the one that I read before, it has great, and I like them, and I just-- they were fun to read. Please read them. Go find them. It was fun. And they're not very long. So after this incident, his fall, William's health continued to decline over the next month or so. He met with clergy members who confess his sins, and began to plan a succession, and maybe write a will, which didn't exist in '10 to '80, something, you know. All the things you do is King. Give your children away, marry your daughters with some pigs, like whatever. And this included making amends, like, for reals, this included making amends with people like his oldest son, Robert, who cited with the King of France in an early rebellion, the people of the town that he had burned, he also tried to reconcile with them. Good Onya, William. My bad guys. I-- I'm about to die. I got to figure my stuff out. I just had to get his half-brother out of prison for treason because he tried to become the Pope. Probably, he gave his Duchy to Robert and his oldest and released Odo from prison, because he tried to become the Pope, probably. He gave England to his younger son, William Rufus. Once Rufus was told by his father, he left for England ASAP, didn't bother to stick around for his funeral, or even just until he kicked his bucket. But to be fair, his dad sent him off because he feared for the loss of control of England without him there to keep it to be fair. I kind of get that. That left William's youngest son. He was given no land, but was next in line for the throne after William, along with a gift of 5,000 pounds in silver. Fun fact. Rufus mysteriously dropped dead in 1,100, making Henry King of England. Oh, so THe's quote is straight from oteric and it made me chuckle a little bit before feeling bad about chuckling. The Physicians and others' present, oh sorry, quote. The Physicians and others' present had watched the king as he out all night without a sigh or groan, and now realized that he had died without warning, were utterly dumbfounded and almost out of their minds. Unquote. And then my next note here is chaos and letters. Autor chaos. After a king dies, it's always utter chaos, but this was exceptional. The wealthy noble men who were present for the king's death immediately left for their own lands for fear they would be taken from the king's protection. With the noble leadership gone, the people who left, who were left there, like they didn't think they stuck around a little bit, they, uh, they took weapons, objects, clothing, and anything they could get their hands on before they left, so they just like jacked all of the king's stuff and then, then they were gone. Autoric states that they left the king's body on the floor, almost naked, by the time they plundered the entire place. He also mentioned the irony of a king who enjoyed plundering people getting plundered himself at the time of his death. When the word of the death of the king spread, immediate panic spreads throughout the kingdom and hiding belongings will other men arms themselves without knowing what to do with themselves without a king. It's it's it's quite a scene that Autoric makes for us and I have to again is such a fun read, please go read it. It kind of reminds me of the episode we did on the Valley of the Kings in Egypt where like some high ranking person would spend a good portion of his life making a tomb and then protecting it and then they would die and they, they would put him in this tomb and then literally like the next day the guards and the people that made the tomb are in there just jacking everything. plundering it yet yeah I can see that yeah let's take you in. Amongst the chaos, the primary religious members got themselves together and conducted a procession to a local church to properly send off the king's soul, I was kind. The archbishop decided that William should be buried at the church he had founded in Can, a commune in Normandy. The problem was there was no one to take the body there. According to Autoric, all of William's family members left to take care of their appearances while all of the servants or members of the royal house robs the dead guy and left his body there. Even when they got the body to Normandy they couldn't find anybody to prepare for his funeral. Finally a country night in quotes because that's how they titled them a lowly night that no one in William Circle knew agreed to help organize William's funeral. I liked the way of liquor he says that quotes heirluan heirluan was moved by natural goodness and actively took charge of the funeral preparations. Too time. That's this translated. It's it's so great. It's very word-salty. It is but it's also old English. Yeah, well actually this time it was barely would have been even English. Well it's old English and then you have middle English and then you have what we have today? But it's still yeah. Technically English they are in England. Well technically they're in Normandy, but anyway to this night's credit he paid for everything including the transportation of the body to buy boat to can so good for him when Williams body arrived in can clergy members began the procession to the church designated for his burial. Before the procession ended a fire broke out in town setting the town into firefighting mode including a lot of the clergy members involved in the funeral. Only the monks stayed to finish the ceremony of bringing the king to the Abbey at the church. It's just such a poo show during the funeral in front of mostly bishops and Abbas as well as some of those who respected the king in Normandy. The lead bishop began his eulogy speaking of the king's successes and leadership he then made a pleaded to God that Williams wrongs are forgiven to be accepted into heaven like you do at this point while he was making the pleaded to God. Somebody in the crowd interrupted the bishop very loudly saying William was being buried on lands originally belonging to his father taken from him by force. quote,"Therefore I lay claim to this land and openly demand it, For bidding in God's name that the body of this robber he covered by earth that is mine or buried in mine hair as it's. The heckler was eventually given sixty shillings for the land so they officially bury the guy." I feel like, I-I'm just envisioning this conversation going on. Well, there's just flames billowing--[laughter][laughing] That's what it seems like! It's just so ridiculous. Again, this is so British. Like, this is It's-- something that you would see in like a British sit comm from the-- that is about this time period. It's-- it was-- it was so fun[laughing] to read. As we know, William was a larger fellow, like we talked about. When it came time to put his body in the coffin, they found that the mason's made it too short and too narrow for his body. They had to squeeze the body into the coffin to get it to fit. Odric writes, "Next, when the corpse was placed in the sarcophagus and was forcibly doubled up, because the mason's had carelessly made the coffin too short and narrow. The swollen bowels burst and an intolerable stench assailed the nostrils of the bystanders and the whole crowd. A thick smoke arose from the frankincense and other spices in the-- in the sensors, but it was not strong enough to conceal the foul-- ign- ignominy. Penny? That's it.[laughing] So the priest made haste to conclude the funeral rights and immediately returned to trembling to their own houses. Unquote-- [screaming][laughing] [sigh] This is great. That's amazing.[laughing] Despite the eventful and stinky ceremony, William was finally buried at Cannes. And, with a memorial built later by his son, William Rufus, it was said to have been decorated with precious stones and silver and gold accents on top of the burial site. And then, his burial site was desecrated by Huguenots in 1562. Then again, during the French Revolution in 1793, today only a thigh bone remains of his body and his grave is marked by a slab of marble and can, R. I. P. William?[laughing] Wow! That's crazy that only[screaming] a thigh bone remains of That-- his-- that's so bad. Like, it's funny, but then you feel bad for laughing, you know? [laughing] Well, for enough back. Yeah, it's for enough back so it's not too bad, but still R. I. P. it. respect But I do know, like, during the late Middle Ages going up through the Age of Enlightenment, there was a big movement to, like, dig up bodies and take body parts, grind them up, because that-- it was theorized that would make you live longer or-- Oh, that goes up to the 18-- yeah. That goes up to the 1800s. Yeah, like, when the conquerors buried here has per this marker, I mean, I say we-- we take his head and we drink out of his skull and-- Yeah. That would give us powers. Yeah, that-- that goes all the way to, like, the 1840s, 18-- Yeah. 50s, so And then when not they suppression. crack open these egitrant tombs, and it starts all over again-- Yeah, yeah, it's a-- it's a whole thing. We could do an episode on Yeah, people are weird. Well, that's mine. OK. That's my bill. Hey. Well, let's get into mine here. Here, we-- we jump forward a couple of years. We're talking-- I think it was, like, the second of November 1970. Happy birthday to my brother. Oh, really? Yeah. OK. Well. Share this episode with him. Hi, Shell. Uh, a relatively known reporter based out of Portland, Paul Linman, and his cameraman, Doug Brazil-- they got a phone call from the K-A-T-U Portland News Broadcast Center. Got a weird, weird story that his boss, Paul's boss, wanted him to cover. Apparently, there was a dead whale hanging out on the beach by Florence, Oregon. And-- Yeah. So That's a call basically-- you want? well, you know, like, Paul's used to, like, doing inner-city stuff. Or political stuff, or whatever. And now, suddenly, he's got to go report on a dead whale. And they flew both of them out like all their camera gear stuff everything they flew them out and then they had to get like a rental car and then drive out and all like all of this happened in like a period of like 24 to 48 hours like and recording they were in and they were out and they left very quickly for a very good reason. So they get there and sure enough there is a big giant dead whale just chilling there. Like it was, yeah it was projected that it was already dead. That's why it washed up. And based on based on how animals die. So let's get some background here. I guess it's a pretty common thing for like dolphins and whales that they wash up about 2000 times a year across the world. Some come into short via high tide then low tide hits then they get beach. So that's that's one way they could tell like this was dead before based on where it was in between high tide and low tide. This is due to the fact, sorry, if the tide doesn't come in fast enough or assistance isn't given then they die pretty quickly. Due to the fact that whale and dolphin skin is not suited for long exposures sunlight, especially out of water. They are good for a few hours at most as a result on top of that whales. are freaking heavy, Right but they are perfectly buoyant in Right. So they're they're used to like swimming hundreds of feet underwater. But without that buoyant force, they the whale will literally like crush itself Okay. because they're just so heavy. And their skeletal structures aren't built like ours. They're skeletal structures are a lot more pores, whereas ours is is way more dense. Downside is that we can't really go a thousand feet below the water easily. Yeah, that'd be cool though. It would be cool. I know a couple of billionaires that would have appreciated having that ability. Well, actually, there's a, uh, in HBO documentary about the Titan sub, it is very good. Oh, I have to watch it. Oh, yeah, it is. It really. Dives into because because I've been asked like, hey, but you guys go to do an episode on that. And I'm like, I don't have all the details yet. Uh, watch that documentary. And yeah, you, you will learn things about that whole incident. Yeah, it's fantastic. But anyways, once a whale is beached and it's dead, then some interesting interesting things start to happen really quick. So much like a human. The bacteria that resides in your gut that helps you digest food and much like a human, the bacteria that resides in your gut helps you digest food is also the same bacteria that runs rampant through your body when there's nothing living to keep them in place. So that bacteria will start digesting your body. okay. yeah, So you actually have like a red somewhere you like average human being has a couple of pounds of bacteria and their gut that our immune systems actually keep it in check. It's a balance. So like the bacteria wants to eat everything in sight, including its host, but the immune systems like no, no, no, stay put, stay in your lane. When you die, there's no immune system. And as a result of bacteria goes to work decomposing the body and breaking down organic matter into organic compounds for other things to eat like bugs, plants, fungi, whatever. Circle Right. of life. Bacteria, much like any other living thing when they eat stuff, they fart. Okay. Right. They like yeast. Yeah. You use yeast is a bacteria. When you give it sugar and you give it water, it starts converting that into alcohol and CO2. So the alcohol is what a piece out, the CO2 is what it farts out. Excellent. I'm never going to look at alcohol to say again. Thank you. And somehow somebody discovered that thousands of years ago. Well, that's also a very fascinating piece of history. It Yeah. Anyway, is. yeah, it is, Yeah. yes. Formation of alcohol is wild. It is. In human history. It's great. So, the gases they release have that distinct, pup五, odor rotten eggs, uhm, that rotten egg smell is hydrogen sulfide and methane. Cool. Which hydrogen sulfide has that rotten egg smell and it's actually very toxic to humans. So, if you do come across a large, I don't know, supply of hydrogen sulfide, treat it with respect because it, yeah, it can easily kill you. And then the methane, that's just a fart. Yeah, methane as well as, yeah, as well as carbon dioxide and nitrogen gases. Alright. The telltale sign of this stage is bloating. Okay. So, for example, if you look at pictures of, uhm, battles in the American Civil War and there, you see all these dead bodies up there. You'll see a lot of them, they look like they're really, really, really fat. They're not. They're, they're just the bacteria inside of their dead bodies is releasing those gases and then they expand out. Or they're just in this day's 50 composition for the bug years to eat. That's how I would put it. Anyway, Actually, a really crappy job in the American Civil War was the guy that would have to go out and basically, bayonet these bodies to release the gases. yeah. Otherwise, they would take up too much space, like they would have to make the burial grounds too big. So I remember what I first read about that. I was like, Oh, yeah, this, like there's people in way worse spots than you. That's a job I wouldn't want. Now on a side note, this, this bloating phase, is, it can be used by investigators to make measurements and identify how long somebody's been dead. Like they have charts that they can take like the height, weight, all that kind of stuff, it age and they can figure out pretty accurately, like down to the day of when somebody's been dead. It's, it forensics is crazy. Yeah, it's pretty cool. While this is an important aspect of nature, when standing next to a giant eight-ton whale, as it bloats up to something nearly double its diameter with nocturized gases, things can get a little explosive. And smelly. Very smelly. There are tons of videos out there of people having to cut open dead whales with like a just long, crazy knife on a stick. And like once that is inserted, then the whole whale like everything just comes flying out, all its organs and everything. It's basically like the Biford dolphin incident. There's so much pressure in there that once you break that skin and fat layer, it eviscerates itself, kind of like what happened to William the Conqueror. Cool. Yeah. And it's absolutely retarded is. Oh yeah, I'm sure it's terribly disgusting for. Yeah, it's basically it's basically akin to popping a giant intestine filled balloon. Sweet. Imagine that at the kids party. Alright. Now, when considering a giant beach dead whale that is inflating with all sorts of interesting gases, we have to factor in another variable. Whales are heavy. And not designed to live on land. So if you add up all that weight and all that rotting blubber, organs and pressures that are piling up, if you're in charge of the beach and you see a dead whale on your coastline, you have to act fast. Like you don't have a lot of time because if that thing ruptures. Oh boy. Now, and you know what is really, really, really fast dynamite, explodit things. Purpose of science. So part two here, the influential news story. I know November 11th, 1970 news reporter Paul Lindman in Cameraman, Doug Brazil. We're told to fly from Portland, Oregon to Florence, Oregon to report on a rather interesting situation. They very well known as I mentioned earlier. They were kind of like really respected. They covered more serious matters. But in this case, they were assigned to a report on the disposal of a 45 foot long 8,000 pound dead whale that had washed the shore not too long ago. So like, it had been out there for days already. Yeah. I think the whale beached in November second and they were trying to figure out how to get rid of it. And that's when the reporters got out there by the 11th. So like, this thing had been sitting some- for That's quite over a week. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. So Okay. reports were being filed to the Oregon Transportation Department. Apparently they oversee the coastlines. Cool. Who would have thought but I guess coastlines are form of transportation. I mean it makes sense. To me it makes sense. Get boats. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not too sure what a transportation department's going to do about something in a boat, but eh, whatever. It's Oregon. So people reported to ODOT of a patriot odor coming from the beach and Lynnman in Brazil were sent out to tell the story of how this was going to get cleaned up. The two men got there only to see a large crowd of over 100 people gathered some distance away from a very dead whale. Most of them covering their faces and especially their noses. The whale had already started to vent rotting gases at it. And it was bloating to nearly twice as normal size. Uh. So like you will like. It will, like, basically have the most violent parts known to mankind. Cool. Because it's think they're no longer works. So it is releasing gas, but not enough at the rate that it was building up. Uh, on the verge of popping violently, eventually George Thornton of the Oregon Department of Transportation arrived to figure out a way to clean this up. Thornton was actually filling in for his boss, uh, who was on a hunting trip. So like, this wasn't something that Thornton would even have to deal with. Like, this would be something more. His boss would have more experience in these matters. Yeah. The problem was that there wasn't a lot of incidences like of whales washing ashore in this part. So it's like, people don't know what to do. So I sometimes wonder like, when his boss got back and heard about what happened. I kind of wouldn't want to remind picking his brain in terms of like, Hey, what were your thoughts on what happened? I feel like I don't know about that guy because I don't know personally, but most people would probably something say something along the lines of, I'm sure glad it wasn't me. Yeah, there's probably a lot of okay, dodge that bullet, but yeah, now I got a media storm to deal with. Yeah. But that's probably easier than dealing with a, uh, dead whale. So Paul, Limon and Doug Brazil got to work interviewing people on site and talking to Thornton to report on the plan to clean this mess up. Part three, the plan. the issue the community had was that it, it had been so long that a whale had washed up like this. No one was alive to know, or who could remember what to do. Uh-huh, It was too big to dig a hole in Bariot. Right, because I that that's one way, you can do it. It was too fragile to push into the ocean. Right. Maybe if it had only been dead for like a day, they could probably bulldoze it out in the ocean. Okay. Uh, they can make a series of small cuts to vent the gases. But that could also make the thing just absolutely explode like willing to conquer. Right. But, but to kind of find any volunteers. Like, nobody's like, I know. I mean, I sure wouldn't volunteer. Yeah. I'm wondering, like, couldn't have dated a shot it a bunch of times with a gun. Me. That was something that was was running through my mind is like, okay, fine. Get like a big giant 50 caliber gun or anti aircraft gun and poke a few holes in it, and that should be able to vent it. But, I wasn't there. This is also the Department of Transportation and Oregon. I don't think anybody is walking around with done that, large. Yeah. Just think still call the military for this. Oh, target practice. Yes. Artillery practice. Roll out of cannon. All right. There's a couple of howards. There's like, here we go. They could shoot that thing from five miles away if you had a howardser. Anyways, yeah, they could have find anybody that would want to cut this thing open and I can't say a blame them I mean the hydrogen sulfide gas and the methane would pose a valid threat to anyone who is exposed to too much of it So all that's just going to go right into your face That would be a bad deal and Lastly, burning the carcass was out of the question because hydrogen sulfide and methane It would turn into like a volcano Right, of Gore. So sweet therefore Mr. Thornton of the Oregon Department of Transportation had an idea a lot of what the department Does or do or whatever is use explosives to clear away mountain sides for purposes of making roads tunnels and Yeah, yeah, like a lot of times you'd use explosives to clear like boulders from roads and stuff like that And Thornton was an explosives expert So why not just get a bunch of sixes. I might put as much of it as possible underneath the carcass and Put a bunch of it strategically around it so that when it was detonated everything would just get blown into the ocean and Whatever little bits were left would just get eaten by birds or Crabbs or whatever You know what this reminds me of yeah Remember in World War one when they invented mustard gas thinking it was a good idea And if the wind just blew in the wrong way yes, That's like they would fire fire all this gas And it would just blow back Yes That's what I'm thinking about right now Yeah, especially on a beach in Oregon. I've got to imagine they have some pretty wild winds And I don't know how much you can control the direction of an explosion once it's detonated Granted, I'm not an expert in the field. I'm just I'm a little By-foot historian and behind a computer Well, I'm just saying I think if you're an explosives expert especially like if you're like clearing Mountainsides to make roads I've seen Some wild precision with explosives look at mines Like they they can drill these holes in certain ways and mines that will blow like a perfect 13 by 13 by 13 square whole Yeah, it is but incredible the direct, but yeah, well, I Okay, mean it's fine. Yes. They they could of like when they they would use explosives to Move boulders from like one side of the road to the other Yeah, so like I think if you if you know what you're doing and you have the experience You can do this the problem is Is that a dead whale? Isn't the side of a mountain Right, that's what I'm saying like you can't cut into it to Weak in one side of it to make sure it goes in that direction like he's just yeah, it's just there and ready to be pops Well, and the other thing too is that you know most living things are mostly made of water right and water water doesn't compress no Which is reason why like if somebody gets hit with like an RPG or something like that They just go in every different direction. It's just not like a certain direction when a body explodes It just goes everywhere because water doesn't compress Yeah, so After all, Thorton wasn't explosive as expert. So why not just get a bunch of Dynamite blow it up, get into the ocean. Only issue is that Thorton told Paul Limon on television with this majestic dead whale in the background surrounded by people plugging their noses Amazing and and all that and What he said was quote well to be honest, I don't know how much explosives will be needed Close quote so and even Paul like if you haven't watched a video of this is it's on YouTube Yeah, you can easily find this The look on Paul's face when he heard this is like Wait, you you you don't know how much you need like Okay, so eventually it was settled on 20 cases of about Of dynamite or about 200 pounds worth I looked it up and if you put 200 pounds of dynamite under a car and It it the car would cease to exist it is estimated that the explosion would be so great that it could possibly vaporize it And this dynamite at this time in history is pretty efficient. Like in the 1800s it, it may be like 60% or 70% would detonate. By this time it was very pure. I think it is a derivative of nitroglycerin. I mean this stuff this stuff packs a punch. My parents were alive so it's not like it's super old technology. Well I'm talking like 1800s versus 1970s. I know. So like in the 1800s it was like 60-70% effective. Yeah, no I know. You word. just saw your Oh okay. Oh okay. So yeah. And the other thing to know about dynamite is that there's actually two types of explosions. There is the vast explosion where like there is no flames. It's just a hard impact and and that's it. Like you just transfer all that energy at once. And then there's like a slow explosion. This is like when you see like a gas explosion or where it's more like a fireball type of thing. This dynamite is designed to be more tactical and more progressive than other types of explosions. I don't I'm not a total expert on this. I don't know too much about it, but I do know watching Mythbusters. There are two types of explosions. Oh and I found out from another podcast on Mythbusters. You do not do not set off an explosion on a cloudy day because that shockwave is like a thousand times stronger than on a clear day I'll keep or. that in. I'll keep that in mind. Yeah. Because that's what I do. Well I when I was writing this after I finished it, I went and listened to that podcast episode where the build crew, they were setting off an explosion on Mythbusters, and they forgot to consider that that it was cloudy out and it nearly killed them all. Yikes. Where was it was a bright sunny day. They would have been perfectly fine. Yeah, yeah, it's all about water, not wanting to compress. Lots of people thought that this would be interesting and throngs of people, including families with children and whatnot showed up to see the show. I think that ran parallel to the beach was filled with cars and then everybody kind of like went down and and sat basically on the beach. Awesome. Yeah, yeah. Not everyone was on board with this plan. There was a guy named Walter Umenhoffer. Great name. And at that time, he was the VP of the Springfield Kingsford plant and was supposed to meet up with the port commissioner when someone told him that he should go check out this dead whale on the beach. Because you know priorities Right. that could have meet the port commissioner or check out a dead whale. Yeah. I would probably call up my boss and be like, Hey, I'm going to be late. I'm going to go see a blowing up whale. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, I could see it. Yeah. Because Yeah. it's like how often does this happen? Like never. Yeah. Yeah, these people for us have been so long that nobody remembers it. Exactly. Now, if it happened in Arizona, I'd be surprised. That would be incredible. Yeah, that'd be Yeah, crazy. I heard somewhere or I read somewhere that they actually found like an intact whale skeleton in like the Napoli mountain range or something like that. Like in the rocks. I would have to look that up. I remember Yeah, reading it because it's like one of those mysterious things. How does a whale end up in the sight of a mountain? Like that doesn't make any sense. I say. But in rising waters. I'd imagine depending on how old the skeleton is. Anyway, Yeah. but yeah. Anyways, I got I'll have to look that up and figure that out. So Uman hopper parked his car alongside everyone else headed down to the beach where he saw the 20 cases of dynamite being deposited around the whale. Instantly red flags popped up in his mind. He knew that this was not going to work out and it could potentially get somebody killed. He brought his concerns up the Thornton. He told him like, don't. I I know something about Don't do it. It's this won't just trust me. But at the end of the day, the two men agreed to disagree. And the explosion was scheduled to happen in a short order. I mean, yeah, he knew, yeah, he had a pretty good idea of what, what, what was gonna happen. Part four, the detonation. With everyone at a fair distance starting in a crew, literally pulled up, uh, one of those plunger, uh, around the larger detonators that you see in the cartoons. You know, the box with a t-handle thingy on it. Yeah, like Wily Coyote. Yeah, yeah, like they, that's literally how they detonated it. Sick. Counting down from ten, the plunger was pushed down. And... This is an Umain offer. Oh. This smell. You can hear it. No. Not the old No. mobile. Oh. Yeah. As you can hear, that blowing up the whale with 200 pounds of dynamite did not go according to Yep. plan. Certainly after the detonation, people realized that bits and pieces of whale didn't fly out in the ocean, but instead flew hundreds of feet up in the air, pause, and then came raining down on all the bikers and Oh v- goodness. Like, if you watched a video, there's like cars blown out windows and dented hoods and, yeah, it's so yeah, like all these vehicles got wrecked. When Limbini's cameraman packed, like, when this happened, when they realized it just was starting to, like, rain down on them, they packed their crap up and rain to the hills in a rain of blood Ugh. and... Like, Incredible. they were red and... Oh, geez. When Umain offer got packed, it was beautiful 1969 Oldsmobile. Uh, that he'd literally just bought, like, a few days before he found a completely crushed with hundreds of pounds of whale blubber. Yeah. And it's in the video. It's like just like, filet of whale just... At least he wasn't in it, I guess. Yeah. All the people who thought that using dynamite to remove a dead, blood and stinky whale was a bad idea. And it was really high pedestal at this point. Very much the, I told you so. Yes. Yeah. If anybody could wave the finger of, like, yeah, I told you so. It's him. Yeah. So meanwhile, on the beach, approximately one half of the whale was still there and a giant crater, next to it was filling up with dead whale bits. Amazing. Yeah. So he'll, they only managed to cut it in half. And then like, it started, like, the other half of it just started like draining itself into Soup. this. Uh, yeah. Sweet. Okay. The aftermath. Because the aftermath is what I feel is the greatest part of the story. I used to think like the exploding whale part was the epitome of the dumpster fire. But the aftermath and how this panned out is epic. Somehow, some way no one actually got hurt. It's good. But... Everybody was covered in rotting whale blood. Amazing. And I think that's the reason why. Uh, there's such a positive end to all this is that Yeah. nobody got killed. Yeah. And, and at that point, you just kind of joke about it. Yeah. So my assumption is that the heavier pieces would have more momentum, right? A, a heavier piece with more energy on it will travel further. Then say like blood. So that's the reason why the cars got hit. But the people just got rained on. That was really the best way to get rid of them. I mean, there were chunks, probably like football size chunks raining down. But like a two 300 pound chunk that was falling from 300 feet in the sky. Uh, that's going to travel further and that's how the cars got wrecked. And I think that's also why nobody on the beach got hurt. But, you know. Well, the, uh, Brazil and, uh, lineman, they actually, uh, I think it was 2020. They did like an hour long interview. Talkin' about this, and they, they, they said that it took days and days of washing to get that out. And like I guess they had to just get rid of their, their, their clothes, like they couldn't wash their clothes enough to get all that, that stuff out. For the wildlife to feast upon its goodness. Right. It's that whole circle of life thing. Right. Now we bring in the circle of life. However, the explosion was so massive that the shockwave either killed or chased away the water critters that would have taken care of it. Uh, that's unfortunate. Yes. So, as for the birds, they just got the hell out of there and never came back. Also unfortunate, but I can't play them. Yeah. If I'm flying along and I see something like that go off, I'm not thinkin' food like Nope. war. Over the course of weeks, the whale did eventually break down and rejoin the quote unquote circle of life, but not after stinking up the entire beach for hundreds of yards and smelling up Florence Oregon for a long time. Unlike the great Boston molasses flood at least it was a sweet smell. That yeah, like that, that's the exact opposite. Which I'll put that episode in the show notes as well as the, um, the valley of kings. Those are some other episodes you should check out that kind of have a little bit to do with this. Um, as for Umin Hopper's beautiful black new Buick, he got a pretty nice check from the state of Oregon's Department of Transportation for$4, 000 so that he could buy a new one. Yeah, I thought that was kind of cool like. Sorry. This is on us like we don't want to lawsuit here, just pick out a new car and will reimburse Could you imagine buying a brand new car for $4, Right. That's. Yeah, that's really great, yeah, the car I would have today if I could only pay $4, 000 on it. So I know when Umin Hopper bought his first Buick, uh, the sign on the front of the dealership red a whale of a good deal. Excellent. The irony never gets It's old. amazing. Love that. As for George Thornton, the guy who made this entire mess like this guy really screwed up. Um, he got promoted. Nice. His old boss retired. And, uh, yeah, he got promoted into his position. Good for him. Uh, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the Academy of you screw up you move up. Yep. And today the town of Florence holds a celebration each November to commemorate the event and people will wear whale costumes with X's on their eyes. As they should, Like that's wonderful. you can google this. There's hundreds of pictures of people wearing various whale costumes. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I'm not sure if you can see the whole thing. I know that they told me that they told me that they told me that they told me that they told me that they told me that they were are hats They're baseball caps. Good thing they told me that they were baseball caps. Good thing they told me that they were baseball caps. Love that. Also very respectful for the whale. Right. Uhm, yeah, that's great. As for our trepid reporter and cameraman, they had less than 12 hours to get back to their station, edit the video and audio and get it out for like the the following news broadcast. So they got no sleep when this event took place. This is the reason why there's not a lot of news reports or video after it. So much because when they packed up, they went back to the rental car and they got right back on that sesna load and all their gear up there, flew back to Portland and they only had like a few hours to put this whole thing together, Yeah. which I mean they had to like cut the film, tape it and yeah, it's a that was pretty impressive. But Paul Linman was holding the high speed camera, which would have taken a very slowmo video. But he could only hold a few seconds of film because the faster you run that film, the slower the video is going to be. right So like in order to get a uhm, uhm, in order to get this shot, he could only hold the camera for a few seconds before we run out of film. But that few seconds of high speed film would have produced like a 30 second long video of this thing just slowly going up, which would have been really cool footage to have for the news broadcast. But the issue was that Linman miscalculated the time. So when he started the count down, he had to turn it on and then it had to wind up and he mis-timed it and he only got 30 seconds of the whale because he only had like two seconds of film in there, he got 30 seconds of slowmo footage of a dead whale and then it runs out and then it blew up. Dang, Yeah. that's the right, we tried. But like Linman, he frequently shows up to the annual, um, exploding whale event, he talks about that crazy day, uh, he, he does a lot of interviews, uh, I think he's actually written a book on it, which, That's why not? a, I just don't know how you come up with that much information on of an event that took place in seconds. But yeah, he, uh, you can, you can find him on YouTube, uh, he's a pretty good sport about it. As for Brazil, I couldn't find anything in terms of what happened to him. As far as I know, Linman is still alive. Uh, but Brazil, I, I know in 2000, he did that interview, uh, which you, you can find on YouTube. Um, but like, I don't know anything about him, but yeah, that is the story of Florence Organs exploding whale. Nice. And there have it. A double bill episode about exploding bodies. You're welcome. Listen, yeah, and botched funerals, like, yep. I kind of want to do this on on some others because there's so many cases where people have died and the processing of the body and everything goes horribly awry. I'm sure you could find some, some stuff. Yeah, just listen to a true crime podcast. Um, yeah, they usually try to be more respectful and on those Well, yeah, but to be fair. I'm talking about, like, cases way in the past, like, oh, 16, 17 hundreds. got it, Um, or like, you know, kind of how they would bury people with like a, pipe and a little bell hanging off of it. Oh, yeah, string attached to it. So that, like, they knew that they were alive. Yeah, if the bell rang, they're like, hey, dig them back up. Yeah, yeah, that's always a good time. But, uh, yeah, be sure to check out our website, daysimsifier.com. There you'll find our show notes. We will have pictures of our two segments on here, including the, the exploding whales baseball team. Be sure to check us out on Instagram and all other fun stuff. And be sure to also like and subscribe because, and leave a comment. Like, if you have ideas for anything related to botched funerals or exploding bodies or whatever, we are totally down for that. So yeah, uh, what are you, uh, what do you have in the pipeline? I have a really big episode coming up because apparently that's what I do now, uh, I have been drowning. Is that right, were ehm, swimming, ehm, ehm, ehm, ehm, ehm, ehm, ehm, ehm, or not depending on your view of it. I have been deep into prohibition in the 1920s so that is coming up shortly and it's been fun so keep an eye out for that. Yeah. Incoming. Big in. Yeah, yeah, that prohibition is one of those things where, hey, this is a great idea and then it's ten years of all hell breaking loose. Yeah, it's a lot of very well-intentioned people trying to it out and it blows up in their face. Yep. So, yeah, it's a good time. Love it. Alright, cool deal. Well, we're gonna call it a night. Everybody out there, keep it a hot mess and we will see you next time. Bye!