The Day's Dumpster Fire

King William's Botched Funeral And Exploding Whales Fire - Episode 58

• Ed and Kara

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After a bit of a break, Kara and Ed are back on the mic with a real "banger" of an episode so to speak. Our hosts are trying something different where they both put in their own contributions to the idea of how things go bad even after death. 

Kara's going to start of with King William the Conqueror's rise to fame and subsequent death and the issues that can arise when you don't bury a portly man in a quick enough time.  Let's just say it involves a burning village in the middle of a dispute of who owns the land the King is being buried, and how to squeeze a fat dude in a small coffin... it doesn't end the way you think!

Ed's contribution takes us to Florence, Oregon in 1970, where a 40 foot 8,000 dead whale washes ashore for about a week and no one knows how to remove it. So they use 200 lbs of dynamite to blow the thing into the ocean. Once again... it doesn't end the way you would think. 

So take a listen and embrace the fact that you're currently doing better than William the Conqueror and a dead whale on a beach (or any of bystanders who watched what happened)

For some other episodes that you might find interesting that kind of tie into this one check these out. 

The Valley of the Kings and King Tut

Byford Dolphin Incident

Boston Molasses Flood

For a complete catalog of nearly 60 historical dumpster fires, check out The Day's Dumpster Fire website!

Hey before you go!

If have ideas for future episodes that you want Kara and Ed to look into, email them at thedaysdumpsterfire@gmail.com. They would love to hear from you!

You can also send them a text message by clicking on the link at the top.

Be sure to head on over to www.thedaysdumpsterfire.com for the ever growing library of historical dumpster fires.

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SPEAKER_07:

Either way.

SPEAKER_03:

So it was the horse's guts that went everywhere.

SPEAKER_07:

No guts went everywhere. William's guts ruptured inside. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I probably wasn't very clear because this is the first time I'm reading this in a long time.

SPEAKER_03:

We've got to specify whose guts are flying in. You mentioned guts. We've got to assign ownership to those.

SPEAKER_07:

Very fair point. William's guts ruptured inside his body, probably.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe hey everybody. This is your day's dumpster fire, where we don't celebrate humanity's successes, but its most fantastic failures. I am one of your hosts, Ed. Joining me as always is Kara. How are you doing on this late, late night?

SPEAKER_07:

Hello, hello, hello. I am doing pretty good on this late 9:35 PM Sunday evening before Labor Day.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Where everybody likes still people gotta go to work.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. Um, sorry for the friends who have to work tomorrow. Thankfully I don't. But that's okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, wait, yeah, yeah, you're off tomorrow, aren't you?

SPEAKER_07:

I sure am. Oh. Yep. I'm off.

SPEAKER_03:

That would explain why you're re you're recording tomorrow as well. Okay.

SPEAKER_07:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Because that that that would be great. That would have been weird if you were recording from the classroom.

SPEAKER_07:

No, no, not doing that. Not doing that.

SPEAKER_03:

But yeah, it's it's been a hot minute. Um, don't worry. We are not suffering from pod fade. We were in California getting training, and then we found out while in the middle of our training that they're doing away with our teaching jobs. So then we had to figure that out. And then some crazy guy like deleted our account. So then I had to work with our our uh podcast host to re-upload all 57 episodes plus transcripts and and all that stuff, and um that takes a while. That is uh that is a very tedious process that I hope to god I never have to do again because I think I was sitting in the classroom just like not teaching and just uploading.

SPEAKER_07:

Yes, but that's okay. All that to say, it's been a long summer, and sorry that we were gone for so long, but that's okay. We're back, we're here, we're ready. Yep, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03:

Rejuvenated, refreshed with a whole list of new dumpster fires. That's like the one cool thing about all this is like I was able to we haven't stopped. Uh yeah, yeah. We we've been constantly researching new and creative ideas. Um, like this episode about failed funerals, exploding bodies. Uh this is a uh yeah, this is this is gonna be a grizzly uh episode. It's going it's it's gonna involve a uh a uh a king of England and it's going to involve a very explodey whale. And uh this is gonna be a very different episode. So why don't you hit it off?

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, uh let's call it a double bill to steal from the world of film. Um you get one from me and you get one from Ed. So I'm gonna start, I guess. I'll start with good old uh William the Conqueror. Okay. We know William, right? 1066 taking over England after the Battle of Hastings, all that fun stuff. If not, that's okay. We can go over it very quickly.

SPEAKER_03:

This isn't the same William the Conqueror from the uh Crusades, is he?

SPEAKER_07:

Uh, this is before the Crusades. This is William the Conqueror, Battle of Hastings, 1066, first King of England from the Normandy.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_07:

Very, very famous, especially if you're into British history or world history, if you're a nerd like me, all history. And I didn't know this, but there is an awesome, fun, maybe, rumor about him and his funeral after he died. I will say, please, please, please, when we get to the funeral part, take it with a grain of salt because there's only maybe two primary sources out there. One is like 50 years removed, the other one is from like some sensationalist journalist at the time period, which of the time period, so we're talking like 1100 or something stupid. So take that with a grain of salt, but it's a fun story.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, and I I got I know you you do your research a little differently because you you look at because you're a historian, you focus on the primary sources. I'm a British lit major, I look at history through the lens of literature, yeah. And even in during 1066, there wasn't a lot of literature out there.

SPEAKER_07:

Like no, this one comes from two monks. Okay, plus like the ecclesiastical, what is it called? Sorry, I have it. There it is. The ecclesiastical history of orderic vitalis, which is primary. It's from the time period, but it's basically it's kind of cool. It's like a giant historical account written by monks about the history of England. I recommend it if you're a nerd like me. It's really neat.

SPEAKER_03:

Then this was written when?

SPEAKER_07:

It was written between oh, I can't remember because it's been a little bit since I've done this uh particular research because my brain has been somewhere else. It was written between like 11 or 1200, and I think they stopped adding to it in the 1800s. Don't don't note me on that. I have to double check it. I'll have to double check it. But this particular version that I found thrilling read. It's actually really interesting. But this particular version that I found was edited in 1969. So that just tells you how much it's used. Quite a lot, I would say, considering how old it is. Interesting, but it's cool, it's neat. But yes, when we get to the funeral part, take it with a grain of salt. I just thought it was a fun story. I and again, when it comes, because I do history different than you do, when it comes to primary sources, always take into consideration the different things when you're looking into primary resources. Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox. Let's talk about William first. And we know him as Willian the Conqueror. Before the Battle of Hastings in 1066, he was known as Willian the Bastard. And for anybody interested, I do recommend looking into the battle and the fight for England in the early 11th century. You can make a TV series out of it. Super cool. I enjoyed researching it. You will probably enjoy a TV show about it if you don't want to read most of young people. It's fine. We got this. William I was born in Normandy, France, in 1028. He was the older son of Robert I, the Duke of Normandy, from 1027 to 1035, and one of Robert's concubines, hence the nickname William the Bastard. So he wasn't full blood born the son of, yeah, king and queen. He was kind of like, yeah, he was a bastard. Anyway. Uh Robert, his dad, died in 1035, and that made William the new Duke of Normandy at the ripe old age of seven. William's childhood, yeah, he was a kid, man. He was little. Uh William's childhood was a very interesting affair, as you can imagine. Numerous rebellions and assassination attempts on his life, as well as a few successful ones on his guardians while he was coming of age. We can likely chalk these up to attempts made to take the duchy over from William while he was still a child, which makes sense.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like this is very similar to like the number one cause of death of Roman Empire or emperors was being a Roman emperor. And I feel like at this time there was a lot of that going on. Like kings were kind of like it was it was sketchy to be a king.

SPEAKER_07:

It was very sketchy to be the king. And I would say I would argue that it's sketchy to be any kind of monarch, especially in Britain, all the way up until maybe the 1700s.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I was gonna, yeah, because it didn't really calm down until the 1700s.

SPEAKER_07:

No, because you have the English Civil War, you have the Rose Wars, you have that's a fun one. That's one that I'll have to do when I have more time. But yeah. But yes, it's very common, uh, especially when a child is in charge of a kingdom. Usually what will happen is people will try to take out the people in charge of the kid and either try to raise the kid themselves or take care of the kid. Um as bad as that sounds, that's just kind of how it was. But anyway, back to William. By 15, he was knighted, and the older he got, the more powerful he became in terms of being a fighter and a soldier. So, you know, if you continue, yeah, it's like sports. Go sports. In terms of what this guy looked like, we have some accounts, but they should be taken with scrutiny. So, like I was saying, our primary sources, just remember yeah, you have to think about context. They say that when he was young, William was a little above average height for the time period, and he was a big dude, like thick with C's. He was hot.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_07:

When he was older, more accounts suggest that he was actually a heavier guy, not not thick, but like he was fat.

SPEAKER_03:

So I mean, look at Henry VIII. I mean, oh he was worse.

SPEAKER_07:

He was worse.

SPEAKER_03:

But he started off super hot and then super fat as he got older.

SPEAKER_07:

Yes, correct. It seems to be a trend with English rulers, or maybe it's just these two guys, I don't know. But yeah, same, same same issue, apparently. Before 1066, William ruled Normandy as Duke very successfully. He claimed he was promised the throne by Edward the Confessor, the throne of England, I should say, sometime in the 1050s. So he was doing so well that Edward was like, You're my homie and you're doing really well. And I think after I die, you should take the throne in England. So it'll be it's cool. Uh, but when Edward died, Harold II was crowned instead of Edward, or instead of William when Edward, you know, died, which is unfortunate. It's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_03:

We don't have to go over too much. It's very Games of Throne or a House of the Dragon, like yes, it is a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_07:

And like I said, you could make it into the movie. It's it's really interesting to read about. It's fantastic, but we're we're gonna kind of this is the nutshell version. His victory at the Battle of Hastings has been remembered in English history for changing the direction of culture and government there. It's quite possible that if he had not won England, relations with France, forms of government, and alliances could have panned out very differently. I think this is a fun thought experiment when you really think about it. It it challenges your history knowledge, and it you get to try to answer the question like, what if? So what if somebody else won? And you can like check in and see the different there are three guys who fought for it in 1066.

SPEAKER_03:

Try to do the uh the uh butterfly effect.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, but yeah, it's it's pretty interesting.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh what is what is that called? Um counterfactuals.

SPEAKER_07:

That's it. That's it. It's a fun game to play, especially if you know a lot about each of the guys who fought for it. Yeah, it's a good time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh yeah, I remember watching an episode of Big Bang Theory where Sheldon and Amy were playing counterfactuals, and they're like, okay, if if this person ran over this person in a car, what would happen? And then they're like, Amy's like, oh, well, beavers will take over the world. What? And then she like mapped it all out. Like, that is ridiculous. That's funny.

SPEAKER_07:

Yes, and you too can play that game with the Battle of These things. Anyway, with all that said, William became King of England on Christmas Day, 1066, in Westminster Abbey. William's rule as king is complicated. Some sources make him out to be a very powerful and great leader. Others paint a much more brutal picture of a king who took advantage of his power and led with an iron fist. So it kind of just depends on what source you read.

SPEAKER_03:

My guess is if you're in his inner circle, you're you're you were like, yeah, this is a great guy. If you were not in his inner circle, he was probably gonna be a jerk to you.

SPEAKER_07:

I could see that. That's probably fair. Yeah. Most sources agree that he continued in favor of the church as he did in Normandy. So he was a friend of the Church of England, but not the Church of England. I think it was probably the I used to know it's been a bit.

SPEAKER_03:

I think it was the Catholic Church.

SPEAKER_07:

At the look. Well, had the look. But anyway, he was he was close to the church. He was doing churchy things. Uh but when rebellions cropped up in England, William was said to have put them down with such violence, it was shocking even to people living during the time period, which I think is saying something considering violence was more commonplace during this period than it is, especially today. Like it's very different today. With brutality and violence. So they say William crushed the early rebellions and began to get whatever English aristocracy still existed. He replaced aristocratic members or officials such as landowners, church leaders, and military leaders with Norman people, making the government of England ruled by Frenchmen. The common people likely couldn't even communicate with government leaders efficiently due to different languages and culture between the two. Now you can kind of see why there were early rebellions when William first took over. I get it. William began erecting stone castles throughout England, including the famous Tower of London. It's been around forever.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow. I didn't know it was that old.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it's pretty interesting, right? It's pretty cool. Tower of London. I've always wanted to see it. He gave scholars and advisors enough freedom to streamline the English economy and his new central government. He spent most of his time ruling from Normandy while his trusted people were in England. So he would only return if it was absolutely necessary under dire circumstances. By the 1080s, William had expanded his kingdom into Scotland and Wales. He had his son Henry knighted in 1082 while also returning his half-brother Bishop Odo from Italy back to England. He was believed to begin a campaign in Italy in an attempt to become the Pope. All this working remotely, huh? I guess so, man. Odo trying to be Pope over there really, really planted up before Napoleon. Good for him. In 1085, it became known that Canute, King of Denmark, was on his way to England with the goal of taking over land. William left Normandy and sailed to England with a massive army. According to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, his army was, quote, so large an army of horse and foot from France and Brittany as never before sought this land, so that men wondered how this land could feed all that force. Unquote. I like it. Yeah, it's pretty solid. Really giant army. William just let his army use whatever resources they found without care for the locals there, according to the chronicle. So as you can imagine, that was probably very frustrating for people just trying to get by. You know, you're outside in your little hut or whatever on your farm, doing you, and the army comes in and takes all your crops.

SPEAKER_03:

That's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

That's a pretty common thing.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh, yeah. But still, with an army that big, it's probably even more frustrating.

SPEAKER_03:

Do we have an estimate of like how many men were in that?

SPEAKER_07:

Uh, I'd have to look. Um, I use mostly sources that are very, very old. And I would have to do more digging to see if I could find a number because that also involves like archaeology and other sources that I don't currently have in front of me. But I'm sure if you looked at a secondary source, you could probably find some sort of estimate.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, a research article on it or something like that.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. Somebody who did more research than I did on this particular part of William's life because I was focused on the fun part. All right. William ended up not needing to use this giant army. Canute died in 1086 before any battle commenced. Canute had a revolt spring up before he left for England, where he was assassinated. That's unfortunate for him.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. It slows things down.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it's a little anticlimactic, but whatever. After Canute's death, Willie remained in England and completed a full survey of his country. It was called the Domesday Book. Not Doomsday, but Domesday. I thought this was really interesting. I originally read this as Doomsday. It was very confusing because I couldn't figure out why they made a book on a census of landowners in England and taxes just to call it a Doomsday text. Taxes and death, it is.

SPEAKER_03:

Anyway. It is. Figure out why they made a book on a census of landowners in England and taxes. Like I don't know. I just I just feel like that is something that Britain would do.

SPEAKER_07:

It's also historian gold, and I'm so glad that he did it. It's just the name was a little confusing, you know?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Anyway, it's basically a record of all the lands in England, including landowners, farmers, servants, amenities, and how much all of those things were worth at the time period. It's one of the most important historical documents that we have to come out of his reign. And it's also really impressive because it's a piece of administration done by hand. Like you have dudes walking to farms. How many people do you have living here? How much is this worth? How much is that worth? And it's his entire Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like that's and it's amazing that that survived.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it's really interesting. It's pretty cool. You can still, I think you can still find it. I remember looking at it. Um, yeah, it's neat. So we're gonna get to Mr. Bastard's death. Throughout his entire time as king, William was often in battle. He stopped them as well as started them throughout France while maintaining control of England at the same time. In 1087, the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle begins with this really fun quote that I liked. A thousand and eighty-seven years after the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, in the 21st year since William ruled and governed England as God had granted him, it became a very severe and pestilential year in this country. Pestilential, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_05:

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_07:

Yikes, that's a bad deal, essentially. The Chronicle lays out a fun time, disease, famine, death. It also describes the king and his men not giving a flying flip and only wanting gold, going to great lengths to get it. This was mostly land deals, from what I can gather. William would sell land to one guy, and then another guy would offer more. He would break the original agreement, sometimes in writing, and then get more gold from the other guy, and so on and so on and so on. You just keep doing that. Apparently, a bunch of churches uh and a town and some more churches burnt down. Um, so that's cool. In July of that year, William, who's now 59, demanded. The return of a few French provinces from the King of France. He went so far as to send an army out against the king and burned down one of the towns he demanded to have back from the king, so he burned the town.

SPEAKER_03:

That's intense.

SPEAKER_07:

It's very intense. He was an intense dude. Well, the town burned. The king fell. William, like literally fell on his face or something. I don't know. Really?

SPEAKER_03:

Like he stopped tripped on a rock and then.

SPEAKER_07:

Like he fell. Some accounts say he was injured, while others say he felt ill uh afterwards. The most glorious thing about it is the most glorious is that William's horse. Okay, yeah, the most glorious thing is that William's horse tried to jump a ditch and he didn't make it. William was thrown and his organs ruptured into the process. Either way, he was out of commission. He fell.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh.

SPEAKER_07:

It was he he was, yeah. The story goes he was on his horse and like he was thrown from his horse, kind of like Henry VIII, similar.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Except like he didn't go into the horse pommel. He like fell out of it. Whatever. It happened. Either way.

SPEAKER_03:

So it was a horse's guts that went everywhere.

SPEAKER_07:

Uh no guts went everywhere. William's guts ruptured inside.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I probably wasn't very clear because this is the first time I'm reading this in a long time.

SPEAKER_03:

We've got to specify whose guts are flying. You mentioned guts. We've got to assign ownership to those.

SPEAKER_07:

Very fair point. William's guts ruptured inside his body, probably. Maybe. Overall, there are two accounts of the events of William's deaths that we have recorded. You have the De Ubitu Will Elmi by an anomalous monk of Khan, Can, which is shorter but contemporary. It's meaning it was made at the same time that this is happening. You could argue that this monk was there or he had heard about it and William's death from somebody who was there. We're not really sure. But uh the lifespan of this particular monk and the date he wrote it does coincide with the death of William and his funeral.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_07:

And this is what I was talking about. So we have this guy. The second one, and I read both of these, they're both great. But the second one, well, about 60 years removed from his death, so 60 years later, um, it is considered more reliable by historians. They like this one better. This one, the Historia Ecclesia of the Order of Italis, the one that I read before, it has great, and I like them, and I I just they were fun to read. Please read them. Go find them. It was fun. And they're not very long. So after this incident, his fall, uh, William's health continued to decline over the next month or so. He met with clergy members to confess his sins and began to plan a succession and maybe write a will, which didn't exist in 1080 something. Um, you know, all the things you do is king, give your children away, marry your daughters with some pigs, like whatever. Uh, this included making amends, like for real. So this included making amends with people like his oldest son Robert, who sided with the king of France in an early rebellion. The people of the town that he had uh burned, he also tried to reconcile with them. Good on you, William.

SPEAKER_03:

My bad, guys. I I overreacted.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm about to die. Like I gotta figure my stuff out. Uh he had to get his half-brother out of prison for treason because he tried to become the pope, um, probably. He gave his duchy to Robert, his oldest, and released Odo from prison because he tried to become the Pope, probably. He gave England to his younger son, William Rufus. Once Rufus was told by his father he left for England ASAP. Didn't bother to stick around for his uh funeral, or even just until he kicked the bucket. Uh, but to be fair, his dad sent him off because he feared for the loss of control of England without him there to keep it. To be fair, I kind of get that. That left William's youngest son. He was given no land, but was next in line for the throne after William, along with a gift of 5,000 pounds in silver. Fun fact Rufus mysteriously dropped dead in 1100, making Henry King of England. So do what you will with that information and succession. King William I finally died on September 9th, 1087. He died surrounded by nobles, knights, and some family. This quote is straight from Odrich, and it made me chuckle a little bit before feeling bad about chuckling. The physicians and others present. Oh, sorry, quote, the physicians and others present who had watched the king as he slept all night without a sigh or groan, and now realized that he had died without warning, were utterly dumbfounded and almost out of their minds. Unquote. And then my next note here is chaos in bold letters. Utter chaos. After a king dies, it's always utter chaos. But this was exceptional. The wealthy noblemen who were present for the king's death immediately left for their own lands for fear that they would be taken from the king's protection. With the noble leadership gone, the people who left, who were left there, like they didn't, they they stuck around a little bit. They uh they took weapons, optics, clothing, and anything they could get their hands on before they left. So they just like jacked all of the king's stuff and then they were gone. Odoric states that they left the king's body on the floor almost naked by the time they plundered the entire place. He also mentioned the irony of a king who enjoyed plundering people, getting plundered himself at the time of his death. When the word of the death of the king spread, immediate panic spread throughout the kingdom, men hiding belongings while other men armed themselves without knowing what to do, with themselves, without a king. It's it's it's quite a scene that Odoric makes for us. And I have to, again, it's such a fun read. Please go read it.

SPEAKER_03:

It kind of reminds me of the uh episode we did on um the Valley of the Kings in Egypt, where like some high-ranking person would spend a good portion of his life making a tomb and then protecting it, and then they would die and they they would put him in this tomb, and then literally, like the next day, the guards and the people that made the tomb are in there just jacking everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

I can see that. Yeah, that's it's accurate. Amongst the chaos, the primary religious members got themselves together and conducted a procession to a local church to properly send off to King's soul. That was kind. The archbishop decided that William should be buried at the church he had founded in Cannes, a commune in Normandy. The problem was there was no one to take the body there. According to Odoric, all of William's family members left to take care of their inheritances, while all of the servants or members of the royal house robbed the dead guy and left his body there. Even when they got the body to Normandy, they couldn't find anybody to prepare him for his funeral. Finally, a country knight, in quotes, because that's how they titled him, a lowly knight that no one in William's circle knew, agreed to help organize William's funeral. I liked the way Odreck put it. He says that, quote, Herluin, Erluin, was moved by natural goodness. It actively took charge of the funeral preparations. To this night's translated it's it's so great.

SPEAKER_03:

It's very word salad-y.

SPEAKER_07:

It is, but it's also old English.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Well, actually, this time it was it barely would have been even English.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, it's it's old English, and then you have Middle English, and then you have what we have today, but it's still technically technically English. They are in England. Well, technically they're in Normandy, but anyway. Uh to this night's credit, he paid for everything, including the transportation of the body to by boat to Cannes, so good for him. When William's body arrived in Cannes, clergy members began the procession to the church designated for his burial. Before the procession ended, a fire broke out in town, sending the town into firefighting mode, including a lot of the clergy members involved in the funeral. Only the monks stayed to finish the ceremony of bringing the king to the abbey at the church. During the funeral, in front of mostly bishops and abbots, as well as some of those who respected the king in Normandy, the lead bishop began his eulogy, speaking of the king's successes and leadership. He then made a plead to God that William's wrongs are forgiven to be accepted into heaven like you do. At this point, while he was making the plea to God, somebody in the crowd interrupted the bishop very loudly, saying William was being buried on lands originally belonging to his father, taken from him by force. Quote, therefore I lay claim to this land and openly demand it, forbidding in God's name that the body of this robber he covered by earth that is mine or buried in my inheritance. The heckler was eventually given 60 shillings for the land so they could officially bury the guy.

SPEAKER_03:

I feel like I'm just envisioning this conversation going on while there's just flames billowing everywhere behind them.

SPEAKER_07:

That's what it seems like. It's just so ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03:

Again, this is so British. Like, this is something that you would see in like a British sitcom from the that is about this time period.

SPEAKER_07:

I it's it was it was so fun to read. As we know, William was a larger fellow, like we talked about. When it came time to put his body in the coffin, they found that the masons made it too short and too narrow for his body. They had to squeeze the body into the coffin to get it to fit. Odric writes. Next, when the corpse was placed in the sarcophagus and was forcibly doubled up because the masons had carelessly made the coffin too short and narrow, the swollen bowels burst and an intolerable stench assailed the nostrils of the bystanders and the whole crowd. A thick smoke arose from the frankincense and other spices in the in the censors, but it was not strong enough to conceal the foul ignominy. That's it. So the priests made haste to conclude the funeral rites and immediately returned trembling to their own houses. Unquote.

SPEAKER_03:

This is great.

SPEAKER_07:

That's amazing. Despite the eventful and stinky ceremony, William was finally buried at Cannes with a memorial built later by his son William Rufus. It was said to have been decorated with precious stones and silver and gold accents on top of the burial site. And then his burial site was desecrated by Huguenots in 1562. Then again, during the French Revolution in 1793. Today, only a thigh bone remains of his body, and his grave is marked by a slab of marble on cyan. R.I.P. William.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow. That's crazy that only a thigh bone remains of his body.

SPEAKER_07:

That's so bad. Like it's funny, but then you feel bad for laughing, you know?

SPEAKER_03:

Well, far enough back.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it's far enough back, so it's not too bad, but still R.I.P. Respect.

SPEAKER_03:

But I I do know, like during the like late Middle Ages, going up through the age of enlightenment, there was a a big movement to like dig up bodies and take body parts, grind them up, because that it was theorized that that would make you live longer or oh that goes up to the 18s.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, that goes up to the 1800s.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, like will William the Conqueror is buried here as per this marker. I mean, I say we we take his head and we drink out of his skull, and yeah, that'll give us powers.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, that that goes all the way to like the 1840s, 1840s, yeah, 50s.

SPEAKER_03:

So and then when they crack open these uh Egyptian tombs, then it starts all over again.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a whole thing. We could do an episode on that if we wanted.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, people are weird.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, that's mine.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, that's my building. All right. Well, let's get into mine here. Here we we jump forward uh a couple of years. We're talking, I think it was like the 2nd of November 1970.

SPEAKER_07:

Um happy birthday to my brother.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Well, you should share this episode with him.

SPEAKER_07:

Nice hell.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh a relatively known reporter uh based out of Portland, Paul Lindman, and his cameraman, Doug Brazil, they got a phone call from the uh KATU Portland News Broadcast Center. Got a weird, weird story that his boss, Paul's boss, wanted him to cover. Apparently, there was a dead whale hanging out um on the beach by Florence, Oregon. And yeah, yeah. So that's a call that you want. Well, you know, like Paul's used to like doing inner city stuff or political stuff or whatever, and now suddenly he's gonna go report on a dead whale. And they they flew both of them out, like all their camera gear and uh recording stuff, everything. They flew them out, and uh then they had to get like a rental car and then drive out, and all like all of this happened in like a period of like 24 to 48 hours. Like they were in and they were out, and they left very quickly for a very good reason. Um, so they get there, and sure enough, there is a big, giant, dead whale just chilling there. Um like you did. It was it, yeah, it was projected that it was already dead. That's why it washed up, um, based on uh based on how animals die. So let's get some background here. I guess it's a pretty common thing for like dolphins and whales that they they wash up about 2,000 times a year across the world. So some come into shore via high tide, then low tide hits, then they get beached. Makes sense. So that's that's one way they could tell like this was dead before, based on where it was in between high tide and low tide. Uh, this is due to the fact, oh sorry, if the tide doesn't come in fast enough or assistance isn't given, then they die pretty quickly. Um due to the fact that whale and dolphin skin is not suited for long exposure to sunlight, especially out of water, they are good for a few hours at most as a result. On top of that, whales are freaking heavy, right? But they are perfectly buoyant in water, right? So they're they're used to like swimming hundreds of feet underwater, but without that buoyant force, they the whale will literally like crush itself because they're just so heavy, and their skeletal structures aren't built like ours. Uh their skeletal structures are a lot more porous, whereas ours is a is way more dense. Downside is that we can't really go a thousand feet below the water easily.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, that'd be cool, though.

SPEAKER_03:

It would be cool. Um, I know a couple of billionaires that would have appreciated having that ability. Um Whoa. Actually, there's uh uh an HBO documentary about the Titan sub. It is very good.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, I'll have to watch it.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah, it is. It really dives into because I've been asked, like, I hey, you guys are gonna do an episode on that, and I'm like, I don't have all the details yet. Uh, watch that documentary, and yeah, you you will learn things about that whole incident. Yeah, it's fantastic. But, anyways, once a whale is beached and it's dead, then some interesting interesting things start to happen really quick. So, much like a human, uh, the bacteria that resides in your gut that helps you digest food, and much like a human, the bacteria that resides in your gut helps you digest food, is also the same bacteria that runs rampant through your body when there's nothing living to keep them in place. So that bacteria will start digesting your body.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So you actually have like uh I read somewhere you like average human being has a couple of pounds of bacteria in their gut that our immune systems actually keep it in check. It's a balance. Okay, so like the bacteria wants to eat everything in sight, including its host, but the immune system's like, no, no, no, no, stay put, stay in your lane. So when you die, there's no immune system, and as a result, the bacteria goes to work decomposing the body and breaking down organic matter into organic compounds for other things to eat, like bugs, plants, fungi, whatever.

unknown:

Right?

SPEAKER_03:

This is what happens. Yeah, oh yeah, that comes up. So bacteria, much like any other living thing, when they eat stuff, they fart. Okay. Right? Cool. They like yeast. Uh you you use yeast as a bacteria. Um, when you give it sugar and you give it water, it starts converting that into alcohol and CO2. Cool. So the alcohol is what it peas out, the CO2 is what it farts out.

SPEAKER_07:

Excellent. I'm never gonna look at alcohol the same again. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03:

And somehow somebody discovered that thousands of years ago.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, that's also a very fascinating piece of history.

SPEAKER_03:

It is anyway.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it's it is, yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, the formation of alcohol is wild.

SPEAKER_07:

It is in human history.

SPEAKER_06:

It's great.

SPEAKER_03:

So the gases they release have that distinct putrefying odor of rotten eggs. Um, that rotten egg smell is hydrogen sulfide and methane. Cool. Which hydrogen sulfide has that rotten egg smell and it's actually very toxic to humans. Cool. So if you do come across a large, I don't know, supply of hydrogen sulfide, treat it with respect because it yeah, it it it can easily kill you. And then the methane that's just a fart.

SPEAKER_07:

Yep, methane's as well as.

SPEAKER_03:

But yeah. As well as carbon dioxide and nitrogen gases.

SPEAKER_06:

All right.

SPEAKER_03:

The telltale sign of this stage is bloating.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

So, for example, if you look at pictures of um battles in the American Civil War, and there you see all these dead bodies out there, uh, you'll see a lot of them. They look like they're really, really, really fat. They're not. They're they're just the bacteria inside of their dead bodies is releasing those gases, and then they expand out.

SPEAKER_07:

Or they're just in this days of decomposition for the buggies to eat. That's how I would put it. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03:

Actually, a really crappy job in the American Civil War was the guy that would have to go out and basically bayonet these bodies to release the gases. Yeah. Otherwise, they would take up too much space. Like they would have to make the uh burial grounds too big.

SPEAKER_07:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03:

So I remember when I first read about that, I was like, oh yeah, that's like there's there's people in way worse spots than you.

SPEAKER_07:

Right? That's a job I wouldn't want.

SPEAKER_03:

Now, on a side note, this this bloating phase it can be used by investigators to make measurements and identify how long somebody's been dead. Like they have charts that they can take, like the height, weight, all that kind of stuff, age, and they can figure out pretty accurately, like down to the day of when somebody's been dead. It's forensics is crazy. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Well, this is an important aspect of nature. When standing next to an a uh giant eight-ton whale, as it bloats up to something nearly double its diameter with noxious gases, things can get a little explosive.

SPEAKER_06:

And smelly.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh very smelly. Uh, there are tons of videos out there of people having to cut open dead whales with like a just long crazy knife on a stick. And like once that is inserted, then the whole whale, like everything just comes flying out, all its organs and everything. It it's basically like the Bifer Dolphin incident. Uh, there's so much pressure in there that it once you break that skin and fat layer, it eviscerates itself. Kind of like what happened to William the Conqueror. Cool. Yeah. And it's absolutely wretched.

SPEAKER_07:

It is oh, yeah, I'm sure it's terribly just disgusting for all of us.

SPEAKER_03:

Basically, it's basically akin to popping a giant intestine-filled balloon.

SPEAKER_07:

Sweet. Imagine that at the kids' party.

SPEAKER_03:

Right? Now, when considering a giant beach dead whale that is inflating with all sorts of interesting gases, we have to factor in another variable. Whales are heavy and not designed to live on land. So if you add up all that weight and all that rotting blubber, organs and pressures that are piling up, if you're in charge of the beach and you see a dead whale on your coastline, you have to act fast. Like you don't have a lot of time because if that thing ruptures, oh boy. Now, and you know what is really, really, really fast dynamite.

SPEAKER_07:

Explode e things.

SPEAKER_03:

Purpose of science. So, part two here the influential news story. On November 11th, 1970, news reporter Paul Lindman and cameraman Doug Brazil uh were told to fly from Portland, Oregon to Florence, Oregon to report on a rather interesting situation. They were very well known, as I mentioned earlier. Um, they were kind of like really respected. They covered uh more serious matters, but in this case, they were assigned to uh report on the disposal of a 45-foot-long 8,000-pound dead whale that had washed ashore not too long ago. So, like it had been out there for days already. Um, so it wasn't actually yet. The I think the whale beached on November 2nd, and they were trying to figure out how to get rid of it, and that's when the reporters got out there by the 11th. So, like this thing had been sitting for quite some time. Yeah, awesome. So reports were being filed to the Oregon Transportation Department. Uh apparently they oversee the coastlines. Cool. Uh who would have thought? But I guess coastlines are a form of transportation.

SPEAKER_06:

I mean, it makes sense. To me, it makes sense. Yeah, boats.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh yeah, yeah. I'm not too sure what a transportation department's gonna do about something in a boat, but hey, whatever. It's Oregon. So uh people reported to Odot of a petrid odor coming from the beach, and Linman in Brazil were sent out to tell the story of how this was gonna get cleaned up. The two men got there only to see a large crowd of over 100 people gathered some distance away from a very dead whale, most of them covering their faces and especially their noses. The whale had already started to vent rotting gases at it and it was bloating to nearly twice its normal size. So, like, you will like it it will like basically have the most violent farts known to mankind. Cool. Because its sphincter no longer works, so it's it is releasing gas, but not enough at the rate that it was uh building up, uh on the verge of popping violently. Eventually, George Thornton of the Oregon Department of Transportation arrived to figure out a way to clean this up. Thornton was actually filling in for his boss, uh, who was on a hunting trip. So, like, this wasn't something that Thornton would even have to deal with. Like, this would be something more his boss would have more experience in these matters. Yeah, the problem was is that there wasn't a lot of incidences like of whales washing ashore in this part, so it's like people don't know what to do. So I sometimes wonder like when his boss got back and heard about what happened, I I I kind of wouldn't have mind picking his brain in terms of like, hey, what were your thoughts on what happened?

SPEAKER_07:

I feel like I don't know about that guy because I don't know him personally, but most people would probably something say something along the lines of, I'm sure glad it wasn't me.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, there's probably a lot of okay, dodged that bullet, but now I got a media storm to deal with.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But that's probably easier than dealing with a uh dead whale. So Paul Limman and Doug Brazil got to work interviewing people on site and talking to Thornton to report on the plan to clean this mess up. Part three. The plan. The issue the community had was that it had been so long that a whale had washed up like this, no one was alive to know or who could remember what to do. It was too big to dig a hole and bury it. Right. Because I that that's one way you can do it. Um, it was too fragile to push into the ocean. Right. Maybe if it had only been dead for like a day, they could probably bulldoze it out in the ocean.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh they could make a series of small cuts to vent the gases, uh, but that could also make the thing just absolutely explode, like William the Conqueror. Right. Uh, but but they couldn't find any volunteers.

SPEAKER_07:

Uh uh.

SPEAKER_03:

Like nobody's like, I know.

SPEAKER_07:

I mean, I sure wouldn't volunteer.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Uh I'm wondering, like, couldn't have they just shot it a bunch of times with a gun? That was something that was was running through my mind. It's like, okay, fine, get like a big giant 50 caliber gun or anti-aircraft gun and poke a few holes in it, and that should be able to vent it. But it I wasn't there.

SPEAKER_07:

This is also the Department of Transportation in Oregon. I don't think anybody is walking around with a gun that large.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Just saying. Still call it military. For this? Oh, yeah. Target practice. I guess. Artillery practice.

SPEAKER_07:

Just roll out a cannon. All right.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, just a couple of howitzers. Like, here we go. They could shoot that thing from five miles away if you had a howitzer. Anyways, yeah, they could have find anybody uh that would want to cut this thing open. I can't say I blame them. I mean, the hydrogen sulfide gas and the methane would pose a valid threat to anyone who is exposed to too much of it. So all that's just gonna go right into your face. Um, that would be a bad deal. And lastly, burning the carcass was out of the question because hydrogen sulfide and methane, it would turn into like a volcano of gore. So sweet. Therefore, Mr. Thornton of the Oregon Department of Transportation had an idea. A lot of what the department does or do or whatever is use explosives to clear away mountainsides for purposes of making roads, tunnels, and yet yeah, like a lot of times you'd use explosives to clear like boulders from roads and stuff like that. And Thornton was an explosives expert. So why not just get a bunch of sticks of dynamite, put as much of it as possible underneath the carcass, and put a bunch of it strategically around it so that when it was detonated, everything would just get blown into the ocean, and whatever little bits were left would just get eaten by birds or crabs or whatever.

SPEAKER_07:

You know what this reminds me of?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Remember in World War One when they invented mustard gas thinking it was a good idea. And if the wind just blew in the wrong way.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Like they would fire fire all this gas out and then it would just blow back at your Yes.

SPEAKER_07:

That's what I'm thinking about right now.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, especially on a beach in Oregon, I've got to imagine they have some pretty wild winds.

SPEAKER_07:

And I don't know how much you can control the direction of an explosion once it's detonated. Granted, I'm not an expert in the field. I'm just I'm a little five-foot historian in behind a computer.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I mean I I think if you're an explosives expert, especially like if you're like clearing mountainsides to make roads, uh I've seen some wild precision with explosives. Sure. Look at mines. Like they they can drill these holes in certain ways in mines that will blow like a perfect 13 by 13 by 13 square hole. Yeah. Like it is it is incredible.

SPEAKER_07:

The direction.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, yeah, well, I mean Okay, it's fine. Yeah, see, they they could all like when they they would use explosives to move boulders from like one side of the road to the other.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So like I I think if you if you know what you're doing and you have the experience, you can do this. The problem is is that a dead whale isn't the side of a mountain.

SPEAKER_07:

Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, you can't cut into it to weaken one side of it to make sure it goes in that direction. Like it's just yeah, it's just there and ready to be popped.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, and and the other thing too is that you know, most living things are mostly made of water, right? And water water doesn't compress, uh, which is the reason why, like, if somebody gets hit with like an RPG or something like that, they just go in every different direction. It's just not like a certain direction when a body explodes, it just goes everywhere because water doesn't compress. Yeah, so after all, Thornton was an explosives expert, so why not just get a bunch of dynamite, blow it up, get into the ocean? Okay, only issue is that Thornton told Paul Lindman on television with this majestic dead whale in the background, surrounded by people plugging their noses and all that. And what he said was quote, well, to be honest, I don't know how much explosives will be needed. Awesome. Close quote. So, and even Paul, like if you ever watched a video of this, it's it's on YouTube. Uh that yeah, you you can easily find this. Um the look on Paul's face when he heard this is like, wait, you you you don't know how much you need, like, okay. So eventually it was settled on 20 cases of about uh of dynamite or about 200 pounds worth. I looked it up, and if you put 200 pounds of dynamite under a car and detonated it, uh the car would cease to exist. It is estimated that the explosion would be so great that it could possibly vaporize it. Sweet. And this dynamite at this time in history is pretty efficient. Like in the 1800s, it it may be like 60 or 70 would detonate. Uh, by this time, it was very pure. I think it is a derivative of nitroglycerin. I mean, this stuff, this stuff packs a punch.

SPEAKER_07:

My parents were alive, so it's not like it's super old technology.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, no, I'm talking like 1800s versus 1970s.

SPEAKER_06:

I know.

SPEAKER_03:

So, like in the 1800s, it was like 60-70% effective.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, no, I I I I know just the way you wanted it was kind of funny.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay. So, yeah, and the other thing to know about dynamite is that there's actually two types of explosions. Uh, there is the fast explosion where they're like there is no flames, it it's just a hard impact, and and that's it. Like, you just transfer all that energy at once, and then there's like a slow explosion. This is like when you see like a gas explosion or where it's more of like a fireball type of thing. This uh dynamite is designed to be more tactical and more percussive than other types of explosions. I don't I I'm not a total expert on this, I don't know too much about it, but I do know watching Mythbusters, there are two types of explosions. Oh, and I found out from another podcast on on Mythbusters, you do not do not set off an explosion on a cloudy day because that shockwave is like a thousand times stronger. Got it than on a clear day or a non-human day.

SPEAKER_07:

I'll keep that in mind. Um that's what I do.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I uh I when I was writing this, after I finished it, I went and listened to that podcast episode where um the build crew they were setting off an explosion on Mythbusters, and they forgot to consider that that it was cloudy out and uh it nearly killed them all. Yikes. Whereas if it was a bright sunny day, uh they would have been perfectly fine. Huh. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, it's all about water, not wanting to compress. Yep, yep, yep. Lots of people thought that this would be interesting, and throngs of people, including families with children and whatnot, showed up to see the show. Uh, the street that ran parallel to the beach was filled with cars, and then everybody kind of like went down and and sat basically on the beach. Awesome or yeah, yeah. Not everyone was on board with this plan. Uh, there was a guy named Walter Umenhofer. Great name. Was familiar with explosives, and at that time he was the VP of the Springfield Kingsford plant and was supposed to meet up with the port commissioner when someone told him that he should go check out this dead whale on the beach. Because, you know, priorities. Right. Go to meet the port commissioner or check out a dead whale. Exactly. I would probably call up my boss and be like, hey, I'm gonna be late. I'm gonna go see a blowing up whale.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, I could see it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, how often does this happen? Like, never. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

At least for these people.

SPEAKER_03:

Or it's been so long that nobody remembers it. Exactly. Now, if it happened in Arizona, I'd be surprised. That'd be crazy. Uh that that would be incredible.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, that'd be crazy.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I I I heard somewhere or I read somewhere that they actually found like an intact whale skeleton in like the Nepali mountain range or something like that. Like in the rocks. Uh I I I got I I would have to look that up. I remember reading it because it's like one of those mysterious things. Like, how does a whale end up in the side of a mountain? Like, that doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_07:

Ice ages and rising waters, I'd imagine, depending on how old the skeleton is. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, but yeah. Anyways, I got I'll I'll have to look that up and figure that out. So Umanhofer parked his car alongside everyone else, headed down to the beach where he saw the 20 cases of dynamite being deposited around the whale. Instantly, red flags popped up in his mind. He knew that this was not going to work out and it could potentially get somebody killed. He brought his concerns up to Thornton. Uh, he told him, like, don't I know something about this. Don't do it. It's this won't just trust me. But at the end of the day, the two men agreed to disagree, and the explosion was scheduled to happen in a short order. Umanhofer did not stick around. He went like hundreds of yards upwind to watch the show. Whereas like other people were like about a hundred yards away. This guy was like five times the distance out.

SPEAKER_07:

I mean, because yeah, he knew.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, he had a pretty good idea of what what was gonna happen. Part four, the detonation. With everyone at a fair distance, Thornton and crew literally pulled up uh one of those plunger detonators that you see in the cartoons. The you know, the box with the T handle thingy on it.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, like Wiley Coyote.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Like they that's literally how they detonated it. Sick. Counting down from 10, the plunger was pushed down, and the flag drops, the thing goes up.

SPEAKER_00:

And they touched that sucking movie. Let me tell you. That thing went up, and it was the biggest mushroom cloud you've ever seen. And it was red and white and black, and it was nothing but it's a big man winning cloud movie in league. Everybody's gonna be. Oh my god, here it comes in this minute. We were covered, we were humiliated with redness and would be the least of their feelings.

SPEAKER_02:

Those who witnessed the explosion agree that the next few moments seem to last forever. Individual descriptions vary, but it soon became apparent that what should have been little pieces of whale turned out to be big ones.

SPEAKER_01:

And this stuff starts hitting the ground. And you realize my god, I could be killed in the hair.

SPEAKER_00:

You can hear it, and I'm leaking this one piece. There's a big piece up and it's kind of flipping and floating around. And we ran. We literally ran, and it just absolutely stopped. And it came flat down.

SPEAKER_02:

Right on top of Walter Omenhofer's 1969.

SPEAKER_07:

No, not the old mobile.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. As you can hear, that blowing up the whale with 200 pounds of dynamite did not go according to plan. Shortly after the detonation, people realized that bits and pieces of whale didn't fly out in the ocean, but instead flew hundreds of feet up in the air, paused, and then came raining down on all the bystanders and vehicles.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_03:

Like if you watched a video, there's like cars with blown out windows and dented hoods. And that yeah, it's so yeah, like all these vehicles got wrecked. When Limon and his cameraman packed, like when this happened, when they realized that this was starting to like rain down on them, they packed their crap up and ran to the hills in a rain of blood and war. They were red. And oh geez. When Umanhofer got back to his beautiful 1969 Oldsmobile, uh that he'd literally just bought like a few days before, he found it completely crushed with hundreds of pounds of whale blubber. And it's in the video, it's like this like fillet of whale just ends like uh crushing the roof where you would normally sit, kind of a thing. At least he wasn't in it, I guess. Uh yeah. All the people who thought that using dynamite to remove a dead, bloated, stinky whale was a bad idea. Uhman Hofer was up was standing on a pretty high pedestal at this point.

SPEAKER_07:

Like very much the I told you so clear.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yeah. If anybody could wave the finger of like, yeah, I told you so, it's him.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So meanwhile, on the beach, approximately one half of the whale was still there, and a giant crater next to it was filling up with dead whale bits. Amazing. So he they they only managed to cut it in half, and then like it started like the other half of it just started like draining itself into this soup. Uh yeah. Sweet. Okay, the aftermath. Because the aftermath is what I feel is the the greatest part of this story. I I used to think like the uh exploding whale part was the epitome of a dumpster fire, but the aftermath and how this panned out is epic. Somehow, some way, no one actually got hurt. It's good, but everybody was covered in rotting whale blood. Amazing. And I think that's the reason why uh there's such a positive end to all this is that nobody got killed.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And and at that point, you just kind of joke about it. Yeah. So my assumption is that the heavier pieces would have more momentum, right? A heavier piece with more energy on it will travel further than, say, like blood. So that's the reason why the cars got hit, but the people just got rained on.

SPEAKER_06:

Makes sense.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, there were there were chunks, probably like football-sized chunks raining down, but like a two, three hundred-pound chunk that was falling from 300 feet in the sky, uh, that's gonna travel further, and and that's how the cars got wrecked. And I think that's also why nobody on the beach got hurt because they were close enough and only just got rained on, which is still a mess.

SPEAKER_07:

That's a crappy day.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, because you know I well the um uh Brazil and uh Lindman, they actually uh I think it was 2020, they did like an hour-long interview talking about this, and they they they said that it took days and days of washing to get that out, and like I guess they had to just get rid of their their clothes. Like they couldn't wash their clothes enough to get all that that stuff out.

SPEAKER_06:

I believe it.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I imagine everybody else was the same boat, yeah. Yeah, as for the dead whale, uh, he was now small enough to be pushed out into the ocean for the wildlife to feast upon, it's goodness, right? It's that whole circle of life thing. Right now we bring in the circle of life, circle of life. However, the explosion was so massive that the shockwave either killed or chased away the water critters that would have taken care of it.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh, that's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. So as for the birds, they just got the hell out of there and never came back.

SPEAKER_07:

Also unfortunate, but I can't blame them.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yep. If I'm flying along and I see something like that go off, I'm not thinking food. Like, nope, I'm thinking war. Like over the course of weeks, uh, the whale did eventually break down and rejoin the quote unquote circle of life, but not after stinking up the entire beach for hundreds of yards and smelling up Florence, Oregon for a long time. Unlike the great Boston molasses flood. At least it was a sweet smell. That yeah, like that, that's the exact opposite. Yeah. Which I'll put that episode in the show notes, as well as the uh um the uh uh Valley of Kings. Um, those are some other episodes you should check out that kind of have a little bit to do with this. Um, as for Umenhofer's beautiful black new Buick, he got a pretty nice check from the state of Oregon's Department of Transportation for$4,000 so that he could buy a new one. That's it.

SPEAKER_07:

That's good.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that I thought that was kind of cool. Like sorry, yeah, this is on us. Like, we don't want a lawsuit. Here's just pick out a new car and we'll reimburse you. Could you imagine buying a brand new car for$4,000? Right. That's golly. It's great. The yeah, the car I would have today if I could only pay four four thousand dollars on it. Um, side note when Umanhofer bought his first Buick, uh, the sign on the front of the dealership read a whale of a good deal. Excellent. The the irony never gets old. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_07:

Love that.

SPEAKER_03:

As for George Thornton, the guy who made this entire mess, like this guy really screwed up. Um, he got promoted. Nice. His old boss retired, and uh yeah, he got promoted into his position.

SPEAKER_07:

Good for him.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh yeah, yeah. There you go. I uh yeah, yeah, it's the epitome of you screw up, you move up. Yep. And today the town of Florence holds a celebration each November to commemorate the event, and people will wear whale costumes with X's on their eyes.

SPEAKER_07:

As they should. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_03:

You can Google this. There's hundreds of pictures of people wearing various whale costumes. That's hilarious. Uh, there was one guy, he lost his legs in a war, and he would dress up in a wheelchair as it the half-dead whale because there was only half of it that was left after the explosion.

SPEAKER_07:

That guy's awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, that dude's a legend.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I I couldn't find his name. I did, I just kind of heard it from um, I read it from a person who was like lives in the area, and uh yeah, every year he would come dressed up. Uh yeah, like he had like the lower half of his costume was like all red.

SPEAKER_07:

Go that guy.

SPEAKER_03:

So uh the town's baseball team's mascot is a dead whale.

SPEAKER_07:

Way to embrace it. Love that.

SPEAKER_03:

And we all have we'll have pictures on on our website, thedaysdemstrifier.com, uh the pictures of this event are epic, including like the celebration and um the uh well I have pictures of the uh baseball players because they wear hats, their baseball caps, have uh a little whale, like a cartoon whale holding a stick of dynamite.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03:

It's like, man, this this place is really like owning this event.

SPEAKER_06:

Good for them, man.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I I I I really like that too. Uh, there's a uh cafe or a bar or whatever called the exploding whale, and there is a city park called the Exploding Whale Commemorative Park.

SPEAKER_07:

Love that. Also, very respectful for the whale, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Um, yeah, this is great. As for our intrepid reporter and cameraman, they had less than 12 hours to get back to their station, edit the video and audio, and get it out for like the the following news broadcast. So they got no sleep when this event took place. This is the reason why there's not a lot of news reports or video after it so much, because when they packed up, they went back to their rental car and they got right back on that Cessna, loaded all their gear up there, flew back to Portland, and they only had like a few hours to put this whole thing together.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Which I mean, they had to like cut the film, tape it, and yeah, it's uh that was pretty impressive. Uh Paul Lindman was holding the high-speed camera, uh, which would have taken a very slow-mo video, but he could only hold a few seconds of film because the faster you run that film, the slower the video is gonna be.

SPEAKER_06:

Right.

SPEAKER_03:

So, like in order to get a um uh in order to get this shot, he could only hold the camera for a few seconds before it run out of film. And but that that few seconds of high-speed film would have produced like a 30-second long video of this thing just slowly going up, which would have been really cool footage to have for the news broadcast.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But the issue was that Lindman miscalculated the time. So when they started the countdown, he had to turn it on and then it had to wind up, and he mistimed it, and he only got um 30 seconds of the whale because he only had like two seconds of film in there. He got 30 seconds of slow-mo footage of a dead whale, and then it runs out and then it blew up.

SPEAKER_06:

Dang. Yeah, that's it. We tried.

SPEAKER_03:

But like Lindman, he he frequently shows up to the annual um uh exploding whale event. He talks about that crazy day. Uh, he he does a lot of interviews. Uh, I think he's actually written a book on it, which it why not? That's a I I just don't know how you come up with that much information on of an event that took place in seconds. But yeah, he uh you can you can find him on YouTube. Uh he's a pretty good sport about it. As for Brazil, I couldn't find anything in terms of what happened to him. As far as I know, Lindman is still alive. Uh, but Brazil, I I know in 2000 he did that interview, uh, which you you can find on YouTube. Um, but like hey, I don't know anything about him. But yeah, that is the story of Florence Oregon's exploding whale.

SPEAKER_07:

Nice. And there you have it a Devil Bill episode about exploding bodies. You're welcome. Listen to it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and botched funerals. Like, yep. They're kind of fun. I kind of want to do this on on some others because there's so many cases where people have died and the processing the body and everything goes horribly awry.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm sure you can find some some stuff.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, just listen to a true crime podcast.

SPEAKER_07:

Um, yeah, they usually try to be more respectful on those.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, yeah, but to be fair. I'm talking about like cases way in the past, like 1600, 1700s.

SPEAKER_07:

Got it.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, or like, you know, kind of how they would bury people with like a a pipe and a little bell hanging off of it.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

With a string attached to it so that like they knew that they weren't alive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

If the bell rang, they're like, I had to dig them back up.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. That's always a good time.

SPEAKER_03:

But uh yeah, be sure to uh check out our website, daysimsifier.com. There you'll find our show notes. We will have pictures of our two segments on here, uh including the exploding whales baseball team. Be sure to check us out on Instagram and all that other fun stuff. And be sure to also uh like and subscribe because and leave a comment. Like if you have ideas for anything related to botched funerals or exploding bodies or whatever, we are totally down for that. So yeah, uh, what are you uh what do you have in the pipeline?

SPEAKER_07:

I have a really big episode coming up because apparently that's what I do now. Um I have been drowning is the right word. Sweet or not, depending on your view of it. I have uh been deep into prohibition in the 1920s, so that is coming up shortly, and it's been fun, so keep an eye out for that. Yeah, incoming biggin.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, that prohibition is one of those things where hey, this is a great idea, and then it's 10 years of all hell breaking loose.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it it's a lot of very well-intentioned people trying to figure it out and it blows up in their face.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep.

SPEAKER_07:

So yeah, it's a good time. Love it.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, cool deal. Well, we're gonna call it a night. Everybody out there, keep it a hot mess, and we will see you next time.

SPEAKER_01:

Bye.

SPEAKER_00:

The flag drops, the thing goes off. And they touched that sucker muffin, let me tell you. That thing went up, and it was the biggest mushroom cloud you've ever seen. And it was red and white and black, and it was nothing but blood and gunk. Everybody wind the cloud move inland. Everybody, and it's mixed. We were covered, we were cremated with redness in this minute.

SPEAKER_02:

Individual description is a little easy.