Motherhood, Mascara, and Missing Mom: Alex & Julie Unfiltered

On this episode of the We Share podcast, Alex and Julie reflect on motherhood in honor of Mother's Day, sharing heartfelt stories, humorous mishaps, and personal lessons from their own mothers—both of whom have passed on. They explore the highs and lows of being moms themselves, from embarrassing bathroom accidents and awkward teen moments to the bittersweet pride of raising independent children. The episode delves into the emotional transitions of motherhood, including the loneliness of empty-nesting, navigating identity shifts, and trying to stay present in their children's evolving lives. Alex and Julie also celebrate the legacy of their mothers—their kindness, strength, and enduring influence—and talk about how they still feel their presence in small, powerful ways. It's a raw, funny, and tender tribute to motherhood in all its complexity. 

Transcript

Today on the We Share podcast. In recognition of Mother's Day, Alex and Julie discuss advice from their mother's challenges and interesting moments from motherhood like bathroom accidents and cheek reddening teen behavior, and also missing our mothers since both of our mothers have passed on. We reflect on signs and memories from our mothers from their heavenly journey. Please join us for a moment of cherishing the good and the bad of motherhood.

Welcome to the We Share podcast. I'm Julie. I'm Alex. We share ourselves and we provide a platform for others to share. We believe everyone has a purpose and a story to tell. Andrew, back on the We Share podcast I'm Julie and I'm Alex. And guess what's around the corner? Mother's day. Mother's day, both you and I, mothers. Two beautiful children that we love.

And we've cried tears over and we've celebrated and like all of the emotions. Right. So thankful to be mothers on this Mother's Day week. Yeah. And we both have moms. We do. We do. We run and be here. So we want to do a mother's day themed episode, and you're just going to throw some stuff out today? We're just going to we're just going to wing it.

So Julie alluded to, you know, the pains, the good and bad that come with motherhood. And there's a lot and we don't want to alienate anyone that is not a mother. Because you are a mother. Like, we're all mothers. If you're a female, even if you don't have your own children, there's roles of mothers I'm sure you've given.

Yes. And so. And or you have a mom. So this really does apply because someone brought you to this earth. But we wanted to just cover some Mother's Day topics and themes. So I'm we're going to do a Q and A. So I'm going to start off and get this ball rolling. Okay. With you Julie. So what's the most valuable lesson you've learned from your mother?

I would say the most, life altering lesson I learned from my mother was, work ethic. I came from to just work horses as parents. And my mother was always so willing to work and and work hard. So I would say that's probably the strongest attribute. I always say the bit of advice that she gave me that always made the biggest difference, because she wasn't much of an advice giver.

She didn't she didn't really offer that up much. So maybe that's why this took the stood out so much when she did do it. But it was when my son, my oldest, left the home and went on his church mission. She looked at me and she said, your home will never be the same after the day he leaves.

And that was so right. We all had these roles that you fulfill. He was the funny one, like. Right. And he was also the dynamic. Yeah. He was also the pain in the butt that caused a decent amount of friction in our home. And, you know, because those two things go together. And it was weird. The home was quiet for several months, and then my girls started to blossom into being like my second daughter.

She started to fulfill the role of being the funny one. And so it it was weird that that was so relevant to me from the moment she said it, because I just watched it happen in my home. She knew it too. Yeah. And she, you know, she had four kids. She had watched them leave the home and see how it changed.

So it was a great bit of advice. All right. So you're making me think about that. I'm like, yeah, it definitely my home changed with each kid leaving home with just a little alley and like, just holding on to that last one. White knuckle go. Don't go. Never leave me. Abandonment is real. What was the thing that your mom said?

So probably my most valuable lesson from my mom. I would say service. She. She worked. Not when I knew that the mom I knew didn't have, like, a real job. She was a nurse with my older siblings, but my dad, as a doctor, she didn't need to work. She kept her license up with just doing some, hours at the.

Yeah, yeah, at the mental hospital in Provo. And, but she made a point of donating her time to auxiliary committees and service and in the community. And so I think that I, I have always felt like that is important to give back and not be paid for it. So whether it's your church group or another community group, but just giving of your time and talents in some way to benefit others.

So I would say that what I learned from her. Okay. Now I want to go into a funny memory. So this is this is you now, not your mom. So what is the most embarrassing thing your kid or kids have ever done in public? And how did you handle it? Oh, goodness. My girls had a better awareness of what was going on around them.

My son. Not. Not so much. I actually, you already heard this funny story today that I told, but I'll tell it again. Yeah. Tell it again. Okay, so my son went to the same high school that me and my husband went to, and he is full of tons of personality. He was a tease. He. That's just how he loved to make everyone laugh.

And his English teacher at high school as a senior. So he's a little more bold now as a senior. Was my husband's ex-girlfriend from when my husband was in high school. We all know each other. Everything like all's well, you know, like we're all friends. Small town. It's small town problems. Yeah. But he would always rib her a little bit.

And he would always call her by her first name instead of her actual name. And she would tell him to knock it off, knock it off, knock it off, and he and he wouldn't. And then, you know, he'd be good for a couple of days and then he'd rib her again. Well, one day I don't know what got into him, but in front of the entire class he said, hey.

And then he called her by the first name. Hey, is my dad a good kisser? Everyone in the class heard it, and she to her credit, she didn't send him down to administration. She didn't do anything. She actually called my husband, and she's like, you probably better take care of this kid, because this is what he just said in class.

So I that was a pretty embarrassing one, but because of the way it was handled. Also funny. Yeah, it is, it is funny. But you can see he was definitely trying to get a rise out of. Yeah, I'm trying to think if there's ones that like maybe didn't go, you know, like had a little more damage to them.

I don't know, I'll have to think. Okay, I'll, I'll do one from, little like one little and like. So my son Jackson obsession. Maybe he said okay, so one of my sons, he, like, would never want to go to the bathroom. He would just hold it and hold it and hold it in back in the days.

And when he would go pick out videos, right, you'd go to the video start Line of Duty ouster. Yeah. It seemed as though whenever you're running errands, he had a crisis. And we're in blockbuster and he has the crisis, and he literally shit his pants. Oh, no. Yes. Like, full line. And it's not a toddler, like. Yeah, he's like 7 or 8, and it's get to the bathroom, buster or wherever.

Underwear in the garbage have to have him clean up, make sure he washes hands. And then I, we have to go straight home. We didn't even check out videos, but it's like, dude. Yeah, if you're going to. Warning side. Give me. Give me at least a 30 minute, you know. Yeah. I'll help you. You know that. So that one is that.

Did the whole staff know? I mean, we didn't I did not probably look anyone in the eye. I don't know if they knew I was mortified. So that was like, literally probably. I mean, to me, that's one of the most embarrassing things because to lose your faculties as a as a person, I have wet my pants.

Yeah. In public. And, especially after having four kids, what was you know, I mean, it started early. I was a bedwetter growing up, and but, Yeah, I've, I've played tennis matches where I've gone up to, to overhead and like, oh, okay. Now my bladder just decided it was too full. But I've taken precautions and that's gotten better.

But yeah, I think for me it's embarrassing, when my children couldn't control themselves or I couldn't control me or my children. Right. So it's a control thing? Yeah. Yeah. It's embarrassing when you can't control all of the things that you should be controlling. Yeah. Totally makes sense. Okay. Anything. Else come up for you? I'll keep thinking.

Okay. What do you think is the hardest part of being a mother? Oh, heavens. I would answer this question differently depending upon what portion of motherhood I was in. Okay. Right. Let's do that then. Let's say what's the hardest part when they're babies? What's the hardest part when they're teens? And what's the hardest part as adults?

Yeah, babies, I would say absolutely. Going without sleep because I did not have fantastic sleepers. I know there's mothers who are gifted with these kids who at three weeks are eight hours at night. I'm like, no, never, not, never did I ever know. So I would say in that age, lack of sleep, I would say when they went from like four through teens seeing them sad and and also not knowing how to help them because sometimes I was too harsh when I tried to help them.

I would be like, you put yourself in this position. They didn't need to hear that. But that's what I was saying to them at that time, right? So seeing them sad and then me compounding it by not handling it, the best, sometimes I did handle it well, sometimes they didn't. So I would say that was the hardest part through those years.

And then as an empty nester mother, now only fulfilling the role as mother when they ask me to because they don't like me to shove myself into their lives. No adult kid likes that. And so you have to wait. You have to be patient. And then they come to you and they say, Will you help me with this?

Or I have a question about this or whatever. And that's been really kind of empty and lonely, but also very sweet when they finally turn to you, right when they ask you for the things you're like, thank you. Yeah. So yeah, I would say it depends on the age. Yeah I will, I, I would echo all of that.

So for me when they're babies especially with the first one, because it's your first time, I was also living up in Moscow, so I was away from family and just not sleeping, trying to figure out, like, everything. It was more than babysitting at that point. That's all I had done. Are they growing up? Yeah. As eating enough.

Oh, he just threw up or. Oh, I just made him bleed when I went to cut his fingernails. Like, yes. It's like, oh, is he growing? And then also I would say a hard part of mothering at that point too, is being hard on myself. Like my body changed a lot. And it didn't just go right back and wanting to to feel good in my body again.

I'm way more patient now, but that was hard. And I think young mothers today, even they have more images and pictures and all the lifestyle porn that's on social media, you know, of people comparing. I can imagine it's probably even harder to a stroller. I don't have the cutest nursery I did. Yeah. Oh, I can't even imagine.

I didn't have all that extra noise. Even in Iowa. Start playing with oh, look at my body about was my belly just hanging on my lap, and whatnot. Not. And so that was that was like the invite teens. It's again reminding them that you're the parent is hard, but then still wanting to be their friend and be the cool parent.

And I know with my boys specifically, and coming of age, they would get teased a lot, about my big fake boobs or whatever. And I can say that now, but, It was embarrassing to them, and they would want me to wear baggy sweatshirts. And then I tried to overcome these issues of wanting to be sexy for men because of my first failed marriage and then all the things.

And like realizing that it's just image is not as important as we think it is. And just owning like yes, hygiene is good. Take care of yourself. But I think for my boys it was hard. Navigating like second marriage, divorce like all the things and wanting to be this great mom, but then trying to be a lover and trying to I was just I was lost for a few years, I think.

And then as adult children, I am like, I just so proud lately of my kids, like, I know we're not supposed to be prideful, but I'm so proud of them, like all of them. And I've had some good moments, like, like you just had a daughter. Just graduated college this Saturday. Yeah. Coming up. So it's actually mother's Day weekend that she's going to be graduating.

But we took pictures a few weekends ago. And so, but just how awesome smart she has become. And I feel like I have raised independent children because I didn't do it for them and my parents didn't do it for me. They allowed me to, like, go figure out they were always there when they needed help if I asked.

And that's how that's what I've been trying to mirror for my, my kids and at times they might have thought that I was maybe not as what's the word? Not as involved or hands on as I should have been, because I was spread pretty thin. When you're trying to be a single mom and do all the things I've been trying to do, but I was always there, and I hope that they could say that.

That if you if someone were to ask them this question or one of these questions, that they would have some good things to say about me because I'm just super proud of them. Yeah. As you should be. Yeah. They're good kids. What about you? Anything else on that? No. No, I mean, I am super proud of my kids, and I think we both raised independent kids who do their thing.

Like. And that's the that's that bittersweet or the sad, sweet that I was talking about because, because I raised independent kids. They're gone. They're doing their thing, which is amazing. It's so awesome. But it also leaves you as a mother going, okay, what role do I fulfill now? You know, so, I mean, we both know what we're good at.

We're really good at shopping. Yeah, we're going to exercise. We're going to buy banking account doesn't like it when I fulfill the role that way that much. But we try to operate from an abundance mindset that we know it will flow back in. Yeah, and we're just doing our part to stir the economy during a recession or whatever is going on right now.

I justify it all. Trust me. All right. What is a trait you hope you inherited from your mother? Oh, you know, I don't even have to think about this one. My mother was the most kind person in her church group. They could assign her anyone to go visit. And my mom just marched straight down there and visited them like she was very, very loving that way.

Very loving and non-judgmental. And I think I'm more closed at that. Like, I kind of don't even want to know what's going on in anybody else's life. And I just do my own little thing, and I wish I was more like her with that, that I was more just, hey, how can I help you? What can I do for you?

And just show up at somebody's house and and be there for them? I'm not very good at that. Just at the drop of a hat. Yep. Okay, I'm ready to go. Oh, you needed me to watch your kids for two days. Sure. Bring them over. Like that was my mom. It does seem like a lot more of that went on when we were growing up, right?

Yes. Like, oh, so-and-so's family's going to be here for a few days. The dad's in the hospital. Yes. You just did that. Yeah. And and I know, I had this conversation with someone, last weekend about community, like, block parties and things like that went away. Like, the kids played night games in the street. That doesn't happen anymore.

So, our kids drive clear across town, and then they hang out at one friend's house inside. But it's not the the street you live on or the cul de sac. Yeah. Yeah. So I think there's a need for that and I hope we can get it back. But anyway starts, it starts with us though right. What is the one thing you would like to be like your mom.

I think it almost is similar to my first out there. I would say she's I'm going to take it from a different angle. And and channel like my, my past about that. I am resilient because she was resilient. So maybe she taught me that lesson silently, but I can actually I'm more aware of it now. Having married an immigrant doctor and med school that had an accent and was Tanner because she was, and culturally, culturally at that time.

And that was not done a lot. And then to just elope and go back east to John Hopkins with my dad and leave her nucleus of a family in Salt Lake was, I know, not easy for her. And she probably, went through a lot of growing pains from her family that she repressed, for a while. I think that some of those did come out as we were being raised, and she did return back to Utah, but I think I think that's why she wanted to go back to Utah so much as to reconnect with family and church and community, and also probably to be like, here I am.

I did it like we did it. My husband's amazing. I mean, my my dad is a true, like, warrior rock star, the most selfless man. But we did our dads we we like talked about our dads. Was that last year or the year before. So we already covered father's on. We share. But that's why we went through mother's at this time.

But, yeah, I when you speak of your parents, I wish I could have met them. Yeah, they're I wish they were still here. They're just. I need, like, Polly Pocket versions of my parents. Like, they're just literally. They overcame a lot to do what they did. And then they had six amazing kids. And it's unfortunate we're not all really close now that they're all.

And that just happens and life moves on. But, I mean, there's still time. So yeah, hopefully excited. Yeah. This is going to be a way out of left field, but I feel like I need to ask it because I. Yeah, I almost asked it to our guests that we had previously. Okay. And I so it keeps coming up to my mind, so I might as well ask it.

Unleash the beast. Yeah. Do you ever feel them? Oh, all the time. My mom and dad. Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah. Good. Yeah. In fact, especially, anytime I'm in a low moment or if I'm testing myself. So, for instance. When I'm like, let's, let's use a tennis one because it's so vivid to me still this day, this tennis match.

My mom died on September 1st. I was in a golf tournament. It's a valley. Three weeks later, my tennis team had already earned this trip to go to, I don't know, it's districts or sectionals in Colorado, but I my mom died like three weeks ago and funeral and all this stuff, and I'm like, I'm not going to go like I'm not mentally.

And everyone's like, it's okay, Alex, if you can't come. I mean, we need you, but. And I'm like, no. Like, if anything, my mom wanted me to be Serena Williams. If anything, I let my mom tennis dreams down because she drove me to so many, lesson tennis lessons in the country club and spent so much money thinking that I would channel all my anger as a child into this ball and win.

So I, I went and, I played my heart out and one match in particular, over two thirds that tiebreaker and, my symbol for my mom is the sun. And the clouds parted and the sun just came out and are shining on me. And I served ten straight points. I won ten straight points. And that match had been back and forth and back and forth.

But I just had this and I was exhausted. I had taped one of my legs. I mean, I was falling apart and I just got this surge, this emotion chilled my whole like round through my whole entire body. And I just channeled my mom and felt like she was watching me. What a great story. And so that was like, yeah, that was a magical moment for me, for sure.

I ache for people who haven't had those moments, those feelings of people that they love who have passed on and that they can't still feel them. And I, I will ask this question of people. And there it's about half CS, like there are a lot of people who never feel the person that they love again. And I think it's a real skill to be able to just kind of soften that barrier and let that in.

And even if it's not her, if my simple belief is in that, because every time I see a sign or I'm almost like looking for moments of the sun hitting me and heating up or and I'm like, thank you, ma'am, and so, I mean, yeah, the tattoo on my wrist is the sign. So yeah, yeah. Do you have one like that?

Oh, I, I don't connect with my mom very much. I've had really vivid moments with my dad, really vivid moments. I think the thing that I've done with my mom since she passed is there were some conflicts between us. We hadn't really settled, and I know that I have softened on some of those. It was required by me.

Right. And I feel like she's accepted that like we're good. Good. Yeah. Like that. Those those conflicts have softened and and almost like she looks at me and she goes, I appreciate now that you're understanding why I made the decisions I did. And, I that's the warmth I feel and that that you can take that next level or to translate it to us with our kids.

I hope that our kids would say that about us. But the ways we did things because we just did the best we could with what we knew at the time. Yeah, every mom is just trying to do and we're just flawed humans. We're just trying to do good. Yeah. And but yeah I just pray my, my kids have some good things to say.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I'll be here for for or I'll be up there listening and cheering them on and sending down rainbows and butterflies in the sun and all the things so that they know. Okay, let's do one more. Okay. So family dinners have always been fun, right? They're they're fun. So what is the most chaotic family dinner you ever remember?

Well, there's been good, like, funny ones and not so good ones. So, I feel like I'm bagging on my kid, but, man, he was a huge personality. He hates taco soup. Hates it still to this day, even though he's vastly increased his, rain. You know, all of his foods. But we had an ongoing joke when he was little that all he would eat was cereal.

Peanut butter sandwiches? Normally, chili was a favorite of his, but he would naturally say, yeah, I thought it was Taco. So we have talked about this multiple, multiple times. So he looked at me one day and I said, hey, we're going to Green Canyon swimming. If you don't eat something, I'm not taking you. I'll drop you off at grandma's.

And he would not eat it and would not eat it and would not eat it. And he wanted to go so badly. So finally he ate it, and he threw up taco soup all over my dining room table everywhere. Like we still laugh about it. So he got to go because he did eat it. He did eat it.

Okay. Yes. Yeah. Even though he didn't hold it down. Yeah. And then another time, this we had just finished eating and we were still together as a family, so we were playing family games. And it was a game where, like, this person reads the card and then everybody else has to guess. And so it was Marlee, and she was reading the card, and, she pronounced Yosemite national Park yos might, I we we were weeping with tears, laughter.

She didn't know. Yeah. Here's this, like 15 year old girl that doesn't know that it's Yosemite National Park. And we I even bought her a Yosemite shirt a few years later. We teaser about it all the time. Like, it is such a fun memory. And she takes it in great stride because you didn't know you. Yeah, like, that's just a cute story.

Yeah. So our family meal times there always seem to be, like a plus. One of my sisters, like, whoever they were dating at college, would come. Sunday dinners were huge, but the topics of conversation were always they would skew medical or political of both, which I don't want to talk about when we're eating. Yeah, so often I'd be like, dad, I just, I can't I don't want to hear about blood right now.

But with many of them being in medical, it would just come up. And so I just felt like it was chaos with we could never just sit down and eat and like, talk about nothing. Like it couldn't just be a Seinfeld episode. It had to be medical or political, maybe sometimes even spiritual. But usually it was the heavy topics.

Yeah. Like, I don't want to talk about surgeries and blood and like, I'm trying to eat my mashed potatoes. Can we just chill me? Yeah, it's such a, like a core part of who your family was, though. Yeah. Especially with both parents being involved. Yeah. Medical. Yeah. So there's that. Anyway, do you have any with your kids?

Any fun thoughts? Yeah. Say this. Did you have. Oh, they say I burn everything, and then I'm like, I have proof. Go to my Instagram and look up 30. Okay. Many pictures of things I've cooked that I do not burn everything. Have I burned things? Yes I have, what were they like? 1 or 2 things that were always in your rotation that your kids are like, oh my gosh, mom, we ate so much of that.

Oh, so I, I, I don't know if I'm OCD or I have like some traits, but I like, I liked my routine. So back when they were a little, it was like Monday we ate this Tuesday we ate this Wednesday we like. So, you know, like tacos. I wrote Tuesday, you. Yeah. And so you knew what you're going to get.

And not everyone liked everything, but they at least had one night that they liked something. Yeah. But definitely like the most go to recipes were all from my ex-husband and my first ex-husband's mother. She gave me his cookbook so early on in our marriage. She was worried that maybe as a vegetarian at the time, I wasn't taking care of her son.

And, like, he wasn't getting proper nutrition in college. And so she gave me, a cookbook that she like awesome cards. Handwritten. I still use it to this day of her recipes, you know, so her mac and cheese, her buttermilk pancakes, her lasagna, her spaghetti. And I made her such good recipes. I could make these for my husband.

And he loved them. And then my kids grow up and we still call it grandma. I was like, are you going to make grandma's this? And I just think it's so cute that that's a perfect example of our awesome mother like that, I should I I'm going to take a moment to acknowledge because she was a great mother and a great cook, and she brought her family together through meals.

And I brought my family together through her meals. I have definitely explored more with just Allie and I at home. Like, we try a lot of new things, a bigger range. Yeah, but. There were years to where it was like, okay, I'm picking up takeout or I'm ordering pizza because single mom and I'm working two jobs and trying to run a business.

And, I mean, there was some chaotic years that I didn't do the best. And I would be lying if my if I said my fridge is stocked right now because I think Alana half the time look like we're bachelors, you know, we've got like, cottage cheese, pickles, yogurt. Yeah. Seriously. I mean, carrot sticks, tuna pouches in the pantry.

Yeah, but there's no cereal. There's no milk. There's, like, totally shifted gears from when my boys were late. Right. So I think girls are better at that anyway. Yeah, I think boys are they. They yearn for that. Like feed me. Yeah. We're constantly eating and girls are just like. Yeah, like when I travel with my girls, we don't have to eat three meals a day.

No, you never do it. They will be a late breakfast and they'll be like 7 or 8:00 at night. Do we want to get something? You know? Yeah, maybe we should. Yeah. That looks good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's more like what feels good or looks good. Not like I have to eat at this time. Yeah. Like this amount of protein and.

Yeah. Yeah, it's it's been nice to just relax and chill out and not be so obsessed with food in my later years. That is good. I have no idea what she's she would say about this, like. Or she'd be like my mom starving me. And I'm not really. But right now I'm not making breakfast because we don't eat breakfast, so.

Right. Yeah. Well, I will say this to close out the episode. You're a fantastic mother. Oh, no. You you are? Yeah. You've had to. We've. Well, I think you just you travel a different road as mothers. Yeah. You've got, you've got these kids that you're mixing a gene pool together and, and then life situations and sometimes those aren't the best.

And we're just trying our hardest. But you just need to be told you're a great mama. Oh thank you, Julie. I seriously think you are. And I'm so thankful for you. And, I'm thankful for my kids and my mom. All that they've done. That's right. Yeah. For the opportunity to. To be a mom. Yeah. Because there were a few years that I did not think I was going to get to be a mom and infertility and and I prayed so hard for my son Lincoln.

And I knew and I know now and we've talked about this Lincoln and I, as God knew how tough he was going to be, and he had to make sure I was really committed and all in. Are you really ready, Alex? Yeah. Are you ready for this? And I am, and I'm so thankful for his talents and his crazy ness because it's my craziness.

It's what he tells me. Hugo. I got it all for me. It. And maybe he did, but we're all a little bit crazy and we're all just trying to do our best. Makes it interesting. Yeah. All right. Thank. Thank you.

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