Widow Brain and The Widow Bod: Embracing Self-Care During Grief

Have you ever wondered about the many ways grief can impact your life, not just emotionally but physically? Losing a partner is one of life's most challenging experiences, and as widows, it's easy to neglect our own well-being while navigating this overwhelming grief. Join me for a raw and honest conversation of how grief not only impacts one's mind, but the body as well. 

Through my own story, I hope to inspire you and remind you that self-care, however small, is a crucial part of healing from loss. With a little tenderness and a dash of humor, I hope you gather inspiration to nurture your own happiness and embrace the beautiful life that still lies ahead. 

And as always, Widow Your Way ❤️

Transcript

Effects of Grief

Rebecca 0:00

Widow brain is a term used to describe the fogginess and disconnection you feel after a loss . This shields us from our pain and suffering . Widow brain can make remembering things and making everyday decisions overwhelming and frustrating . The forgetfulness was the worst part of widow brain for me . I was always so organized and could remember anything . Even now , five years later , I still feel like I have a hard time remembering Not just things from around Tom's death , but in general . My memory has gotten worse , like maybe there was some kind of long-term effect . I refuse to believe it's because I'm getting older .

Rebecca 0:45

Everyone talks about the emotional toll you deal with in losing your person , but today I want to talk about the physical changes our bodies go through in grief . Your entire lifestyle can change after loss and sometimes you just lose interest in basic self-care altogether . Our ability to care for ourselves physically is directly connected to our mental health . So with widow brain there usually comes a widow body . Visually and physically . We slowly start to change and in some cases we can become unrecognizable . This in turn affects our mental health and can extend widow brain and in some cases lead to depression . There are so many things that contribute to this Not sleeping well , not eating , overeating , alcohol , lack of energy and no social interaction . Most widows tend to lose a lot of weight because in the beginning we're not sleeping or eating , and for some of us it can go in the other direction . We may use alcohol to numb the pain . I know from experience that alcohol leads to inconsistent sleep , overeating , lack of energy and bad skin . And besides alcohol , I think food was the biggest issue for me and most widows . First of all , you don't want to do anything , let alone cook . So for all of my listeners that are not widows , the one thing you can do for a widow is feed them , buy some food , buy some groceries , preferably something healthy , because , let's face it , we need the nutrition and , trust me , we will eat it because we don't want to go anywhere to get anything and since we're not taking good care of ourselves , it would be really nice if someone else did . It's taking everything . We have to do the bare minimum to survive .

Rebecca 2:57

For me , I slept a lot Every chance I could get . If I wasn't working or having to do something , I was sleeping or really just laying there torturing myself . I didn't feel like doing anything . I also lived next door to my best friend , angie , so she fed me and five years later I still rely on her for dinners , or at least a reminder to eat . I will literally go without eating some nights if she didn't call me and ask me if I've ate .

Rebecca 3:36

Tom did most of the cooking for us , so even after he died I didn't have a desire to start . I ate out a lot , mostly fast foods and snacks that were just easy to grab . My only real meals were from Angie , and the only reason I started to cook was because my son asked me if I was going to . Even then , I didn't know how to cook for one or two people . Tom ate enough for two people himself and plus he always needed leftovers . I only knew how to cook a big meal and when I did cook , it was again only what I knew Delicious southern food . You cook with bacon fat , you fry everything and you smother it with gravy this unhealthy way of eating combined with alcohol .

Rebecca 4:29

I gained about 25 pounds after Tom died . I was up to about 175 . Honestly , maybe it was more , but I stopped weighing myself after that . I was hating my body and hating myself . None of my clothes fit and I felt as disgusting as I looked , at least to me . I felt miserable . I was so out of shape and my skin looked horrible . I was getting these breakouts all the time , those big acne bumps that stay underneath the skin and seem to never go away , and then they would leave scars on my face . Honestly , I don't know if I would have ever done anything about my weight or how I looked , if it wasn't for meeting someone about a year after Tom died . I was just feeling so self-conscious about my body . But even then I only had the mental capacity to do the bare minimum , which was cutting out soda and tea , drinking more water , investing in some skincare and new clothes just to make me feel better about my weight , and just so no one thinks I became some kind of health or fitness nut .

Rebecca 5:49

The majority of my weight came off when I got braces . I couldn't eat anything for a while , let alone anything that I wanted . I didn't even start watching what I ate until after I lost about 10 pounds from the braces . I was actually starting to physically feel better and that's when I decided I wanted to keep the weight off . Then I had a very embarrassing moment of doing yoga with my friend Nicole . After a little cat-cow stretching , she had us bend over to just dangle . Nothing crazy , just folding my arms bent over , moving a little from side to side . Well , her husband West comes in and starts laughing . He said what are you doing ? I said I'm dangling . He said no , you're not . You're not even at a 90 degree angle . He said Look at Nicole and then look at yourself in the mirror . I was mortified . Even with losing so much weight , I couldn't even bend over to touch my toes without bending my knees , and not to mention I was nowhere near a 90 degree angle . So every day for a few months I would do some yoga stretches and end with a dangle until eventually I could bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees .

Rebecca 7:30

Fast forward to today . I think I'm about 80% healthy . I do watch what I eat at home , mostly eating vegetarian . This is not a lifestyle , it's just that I have a fear of cooking meat like it's going to be overcooked or undercooked . So I generally eat meat , mostly when I go out . I don't buy sweets for the house , it's only a treat when I go out . I also don't deprive myself of alcohol , but I have learned my limits , excluding this past week because I was celebrating Tom's birthday and , no , I didn't have to have five shots , but I did and , trust me , I paid for it the next morning . I exercise , but not as consistently as I should , but I'm happy to say that I can still bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees , and it's really just the small wins for me .

Body Care While Grieving

Rebecca 8:27

Everyone's experience with widow brain and widow body is going to be different . Just remember that our mental health plays a big part in our physical health , and when we're not happy with how we look and feel physically , that plays a big role in our mental health . It's like a vicious cycle . So it's important to make sure your body is getting the support it needs .

Rebecca 8:53

When you're grieving , try your best to take care of yourself . Think of it as honoring your body . Sleep when you need it , eat when you need it , even get up to pee when you need to Go outside at least once a day , even if it's just to check the mail . Who knows , maybe one day you'll want to take a walk around the block , and just so you know . None of these things are going to be easy . You will have to make yourself do it and don't rely on someone coming to your house and making you do something . Even if they did , you'd probably be pissed off that they're telling you what to do , and you know I'm right . So just listen to your body and know your limits . Better yet , test your limits . Prove to yourself that you love your body enough to at least care for it while you grieve . The feeling of loving yourself will soon come after , because , after all , love is not dead , just your husband .