Reclaim Your Power

We talk with Dr. Marline about what it really means to reclaim your power when your timeline falls apart, and disruption shows up in your career and personal life. We challenge the belief that women must push through silently, and we share practical ways to redefine success with clarity, boundaries, and support. 
• redefining success beyond pressure and timelines 
• navigating infertility, grief, caregiving, and other disruptions while leading 
• spotting “stuck” moments when nothing moves forward 
• moving from silent suffering to support through trusted people and therapy 
• reframing vulnerability as a superpower for women leaders 
• using the Motivated, Courageous, Dynamic (MCD) framework to stay motivated, courageous, and dynamic 
• setting boundaries, pausing, and showing up authentically 
• how presentation and self-image affect confidence and perception 
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Transcript

Welcome And Podcast Theme

Cassandra 0:00

Good day out there to all of my listeners, and I'd like to welcome you to Is Your Way in Your Way podcast. And let me share with you the theme. I'm calling it now a theme of this podcast is actually it's uh it's helping women break those internal barriers that's preventing you from what I call living your best life on your terms. Now, a lot of people say living your best life is like a cliche. Like that's not yeah, we've heard that, we've heard the song and all that. But let me share this with you, and how I define that is that you're living in a way that maximizes your happiness, your true self, your authenticity, and also a fulfilled life. For example, you're just not living the status quo. You know how we have dreams and we're thinking about doing this and we're thinking about that, and then life goes on and you realize that you've not done that yet. Uh, so in other words, it's like taking action toward what truly matters rather than what you only dream about. So I my prayer has always been that when listeners, some of my listeners, or maybe all of them at times, will get an epiphany as you listen to these podcasts and decide, you know, you know what? I think I'm gonna make my move. I'm gonna do things that I've always wanted to do because I do want to have a fulfilled life. So we talk about topics related to what I call self-improvement, self-reflection, or enables you to look in the mirror and say, wow, that sounds so much like me. But I have a very, I'm calling her unique guest. And many of my guests are unique and special, but we really I could relate to her, and I'm certain that you will be able to relate as well, based on just your life in general. So I'm gonna introduce you to Dr. Marline Duroseau. Hi, Dr. Marline, how are you?

Speaker 2:17

Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm doing great, Miss Cassandra. Happy to be here.

Cassandra 2:22

Yeah, I'm glad you are here. Uh listeners, the title of this podcast is Reclaiming Your Power When Life Does Not Go As Planned. And what I like to do is I want to read a little bit about Dr. Marlene DeRoso because I want you to understand what qualifies her to do the

Meet Dr. Marr And Her Mission

Cassandra 2:48

things that she's doing because she's going to even do some bigger things. She is a leadership strategist, and I'm just over the moon about a TEDx speaker because that's one of my dreams. So I have to take action to be a TEDx speaker. She's also an author, a resilience expert. She helps women or helps people navigate life's disruptions, and boy, you know, we have them with confidence, clarity, and purpose. She has worked 23 years of executive leadership experience. She brings her corporate insight and personal transformation to help women redefine success beyond pressure, timelines, and expectation. And listen, in her book, titled It'll Happen by 30. And I can relate to that. And I'm going to share a little bit, like I've always had a timeline, like, okay, about 30, this is gonna happen. 35, this is gonna happen. And guys, guess what? It didn't happen. But anyway, um, her vulnerability shares her 15-year infertility journey to encourage women facing delayed dreams, grief, and uncertainty. So her mission is to help you turn pain into purpose, reclaim your power, and lead boldly through every season of life. Wow, now you're gonna understand what's gonna really this definitely qualifies her for our discussion for sure. So I'm ready to dive in. Dr. I'm I'm gonna switch. I'm gonna say Dr. Marline sometimes, sometimes I'm gonna say Dr. Duroseau I'll probably be all over the place.

Dr. Marline 4:28

Yes, and that's okay. Um, I now I do go by Dr. Marr if that's easier. So that's what I I go by now. So that's okay.

Cassandra 4:36

Okay, okay, great, great. Listen, I've you know, I've been preparing for this and and reading about you, and I understand, and usually our background clearly shapes how we see the world. So I'd like to know how did those experiences influence you? In addition, um, and what were some of the lessons in your background that enabled you to say, I'm gonna

Background Lessons And Learning To Pivot

Cassandra 5:04

have to reframe some things that's gonna help me move forward?

Dr. Marline 5:08

You know, that's a fantastic question because sometimes we all look at our past as something that we just want to keep behind us. And part of your past includes your past experiences from when you were growing up uh as a child, your family dynamics, anything that you've gone through. So, to specifically answer that particular question, my background is one of myself being a child of Haitian immigrants. I am a first-generation American. And one of the things that was always rapid in our household was education. And my parents have, you know, led up a little bit to meaning where uh the education doesn't necessarily have to come from a university or you know, a college. They are really finding value and in just the opportunity to learn. Don't think you know everything, you just always be open to learning something new because whatever you learn and your education is one thing that no one can take away from you. So that having that background specifically really ingrained the essence of who I am and how I, you know, took on life. Because, you know, once you know different, and I don't want to say once you know better, you do better. I think when you have lived experiences and you know a different way or you've learned something new, it allows you now to change your trajectory if needed, because now you have better information, right? Because sometimes we we want things in life, but we want to do it the way we want to do it. And why is that? Who said that things have to happen in that particular way and there's no room to juggle or change? So I think that part of my background has really enabled me to say, okay, if I put a plan together, whether it's at work, whether it's personal, whether it's social, and it doesn't go according to plan, I'm okay with learning something different. And learning doesn't mean I already know the answer. It's I'm learning from that past experience. What can I now do differently? Who can I now employ and get on my side to give me even more insight so that I know what to do going forward? Because oftentimes, once you're willing and able to pivot, you can get to your destination. Because sometimes we still want to get to our destination, but want to do it in the way that we planned. But life, life doesn't happen like that. And once you're open to saying, okay, I need to be able to get on a detour and get there, it'll you'll see how many more doors open for you.

Cassandra 7:47

Right, right. So, you know, one of the things that you do, and I I had read earlier that you empower women to redefine success, right? Beyond pressure timelines, but yet you continue to work in corporate. You work as an HR, CFO, incorporate. Now, what you currently do in

Redefining Success Through Infertility

Cassandra 8:13

regards to empowering women to redefine success, what triggered that move for you? That you because it sounds like you're gonna transition a little bit into something different.

Dr. Marline 8:25

What's that about? Absolutely. And it's so funny you asked that because success to me before looked like exactly what my parents envisioned. You go to school, you get your education, um, you get your degrees, whatever certifications and trainings that you need. Because what was the goal to get a good job? Why do you need a good job so that you can have income? You need income so that you can live, right? So success for a long time to me was that, right? Doing it in the manner of being a little bit more risk-averse because you take on the way that they presented it, is that you take on less risk once you've lined everything up that you need, right? So the risk of a corporate executive, for instance, you know, being laid off compared to someone who may be not a corporate executive. And then I'm not saying this is right or wrong. This is how we were raised in terms of thinking. So the more you know, you're safer, if that if that makes sense, you know. So to me, that looked like success, which is the corporate route, because obviously once you get your education, normally the normal progression or the natural progression is to go and get a good job, which oftentimes means in a good corporation. Now, that pivot for me totally, totally changed, right? When I said, oh no, this is this is different for me. And what was happening was, although I was excelling in my education, I was excelling in my career, my personal life took on a different turn. And in that, you know, situation that I dealt with, it involved still trying to keep that success, you know, tunnel. I'm looking at it, I'm still trying to get there, but then I have this personal disruption. My apologies. My personal disruption was infertility. So if I started off with this company, I have these degrees, I want to get promoted, right? I want to get the raises. But then in the meantime, I'm dealing with infertility. What does that mean? That means I'm in and out of work a lot. I may have to be late because I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I may have to leave early because I have a procedure that needs to be done. So in the back of my brain, am I still successful if I can't show up every day to show my job, my managers, the folks in leadership, and the people that I'm in charge of in terms of leading with work, if I'm not there to actually do the work. So I had to take a step back and say, no, I am still successful because at the end of the day, what I give, my uniqueness, my level of contribution to the success of the company is also rooted in how I show up for my team, how I show up for my deadlines, how I show up for what I need, even though I may not be able to do it in 80 hours a week this month, only 60 hours a week this month because I have this personal thing going on. So once I was able to navigate that and change my mindset a little bit, you remember that that you have to be willing to change, you have to be willing to adapt. And so I said, I'm still successful, I'm still worthy. It just looks a little different now. And that's when I said, you know what? I couldn't have gone through this personal disruption for no reason. I I want to be able to do more. I want more people to, which especially women, to know that just because you're dealing with these disruptions, it doesn't have to stop you or cause uh an impending situation on your ability to succeed, on your ability to be happy, on your ability to adapt. And that's why after going through this 15-year infertility journey throughout the entire time I was writing, because dealing with infertility is not something that you prepare for, and there's no roadmap to show you how to navigate it. So a lot of what I did involved journaling, and that eventually turned into my first book. And after I wrote that book, Mr. Sandra, I said, oh no, I have to do more. I need to talk about this. So many people are dealing with it. So that's why I said I can still be successful, even if I transition and pivot out of corporate America, because everything that I've learned, whether in school or not in school, through my lived experience, through my interaction with others, are the credentials and the experience I need to be successful outside of corporate America. So that's where that transition and being okay with that on the mindset level uh is helping me to shift.

Cassandra 13:09

Yeah. And I love that because I do remember time myself being in corporate. Don't bring your personal things to work. And and you know, and that's when those internal barriers come about. You know, life happens. There are disruptions, infertility, uh, taking care of a sick parent or aging parent. Um, I've known individuals that just was diagnosed with cancer, doing phenomenal, but they needed to go for treatment. And then these are the ways how we feel based on what society perhaps told us that you're not doing well because you're not at work, you're not working those certain number of hours, and that really can mess with your psyche. And I love it when you say you got to change your mindset. Um, and there's so many things that I've said based on my experience, and I've I've heard you say this you have to have support, you have to, I don't say you have to, but for me, and I know for you, you've had mentors, you know, coaches along the way, because but because this is my follow-up question to that. When do you think women, I'm talking about women, even though men, I know you're listening, but you all have women in your life. What do you think what does it take for somebody to realize that I am stuck? Um, I'm dealing with imposter syndrome, and I'm not quite sure

How To Know You’re Stuck

Cassandra 14:46

what that means, but I've heard about it. Or or there's certain other things that I want to do, and and I just I can't. You know, it's like what it's kind of like when do you really when do you have you found women to realize or acknowledge barriers that are in their lives that's keeping themselves? And and what and what helps them get to the point that says, I need some help.

Dr. Marline 15:13

I can do what's you know that that's uh that's a great question. And I'm gonna give you my answer based on my lived experience and some of the women that I've worked with and and helped. And I have to tell you, once you get to the point where nothing is getting done, and you may not consciously recognize it because what what what how it will manifest, meaning nothing is getting done, how it may look in some women, is not necessarily being happy about going to work every day. Yeah, not necessarily, yes, I want to start this business, but you notice that you're not taking action to file the LLC. You're not calling, you notice that you still have these dreams, you have these aspirations, but all of a sudden, all you're doing is thinking about it, dwelling on it, or somehow, somehow subconsciously delaying it. Yes, nothing's getting done. And for me, that's when I said, okay, because when you think of, okay, I have to go to work every day, or I have to do this with my fertility, or I have to do this appointment for in my case, I am caring for the older generation. My mom and dad are 80 and 81, and my mother-in-law is 70. So I have three elders that and you'll notice, okay, I have to do this for this appointment, I have to do that for this task. Um, I need to do research on what I would like my business to be on, and you're excited about it, but nothing's getting done. Then all of a sudden it's gonna click where you're like, okay, I'm stuck. Because the minute you can't even function is when, but again, a lot of us aren't cognizant of that. But I now that I'm saying it out loud, I want us to really sit back and think about is that what I'm experiencing? Where I have all these dreams and aspirations. I know what I need to do, I know what I want to do, but all of a sudden, slowly but surely, I'm not taking action. And that is one of the ways that women can identify, you know what, I'm stuck. They may not even know what they're stuck on or why or what to do, but knowing it and acknowledging and catching it is the first step that now they'll say, okay, how can I do research? Who do I reach out to to help me get unstuck? Right. That's right. And it might be that you know what you want to do personally, but because you're stuck professionally, everything, nothing gets done. You'll show up to work. And you're looking at the computer and trying to figure out time you're leaving, and it's it's time. So you you end up doing things that that don't involve strategy, things that don't involve you thinking, okay, good, it's time now. Okay, I can go eat because you know you have to eat, right? Okay, I have to leave now because I have to go pick up the kids. Oh, okay, well, that's easy. But in the meantime, nothing's happening. So once you realize that, then you take the steps to say, okay, who can I reach out to? And I would first start off with a trusted friend or family member. Um, because the reason why I say that is because they often know people who can help you, right? Yeah. Um I I got into uh therapy and I'm with my same therapist uh after my infertility or during my infertility journey, my husband and I also experienced a loss. And that was my first entryway into therapy after having that grief. And I'm still with her, and she's been able to kind of help me navigate the different issues I deal with in my life because what you deal with when you're going through infertility is not the same as after maybe you've become a mom and then you have the work and maybe your relationship dynamic. So I say that to say once women are recognizing that they're in a rut, you're not able to move forward, nothing is getting accomplished. You seek out help, start with a trusted person, and that trusted person will refer you to someone, and once that happens, you'll know who to talk to and they'll kind of help you get out of it.

Cassandra 19:29

Exactly. I love that because also you become overwhelmed. Correct. Okay, you you you you start having physical things going on with you. Uh that's where the mental illness sometimes comes in, you know. So I love it when you said you you were sure, but you knew something wasn't right, you know, and then from that point, I don't know, did it take the loss of a child for you to seek help? Maybe it did.

Dr. Marline 20:04

Yeah, it did because before that, we think that we can handle it. And remember, and and and a lot of times when we're going through disruption and we're experiencing it, we're doing it in a very silent way, yeah, in a very lonely way. So let's say a woman is her disruption, she's in leadership, she's juggling all the things. Her disruption may be unfortunately dealing with domestic violence, or it may be a horrible diagnosis, or it may be a divorce. Yeah, you know, you're dealing with it in a in a in a silent and lonely manner because of either shame, or you know, you don't want people to judge you, you don't want them to think you're less than. So it sometimes takes for that huge thing to rattle you, and then you have to make that strategic decision to you know employ the next steps that are necessary because if not, you'll stay stuck. And then once mentally you're stuck, like you said, Ms. Cassandra, it starts to manifest in your body, you know, and that makes it even worse.

Cassandra 21:12

Yes, exactly. Yeah, and I call that silent suffering. I mean, and that's that's serious, you know, silent suffering. And plus, as women, uh, we're responsible for a lot, and we think we're super women, we can do that, we can handle that, we can't let everybody know that we're dealing with this issue because we're supposed to be strong, you know. Yeah, and that in that way, you know, when I think about it,

Silent Suffering And Asking For Help

Cassandra 21:37

and I'm gonna talk, I want you to talk about your TEDx talk because that kind of goes into it, you know. Well, first of all, congratulations. I know um being expected to approve to be a TEDx talker is not an easy process, you know. Obviously, oh yeah, obviously it's maybe a dream or but you took that. That's something that you took action. So what was the focus on your TEDx talk?

Dr. Marline 22:06

The focus of my TEDx talk was to show how what people frame as something that may cause you to be deemed weak or not enough is actually your superpower. Right? That's where vulnerability comes into play. And it it it it really ties into what you just mentioned that women we're tasked with handling everything. And not only are you supposed to handle everything, you have to do it with grace. Yeah, you have to do it quick, it has to be correct, there's no room for error. And because of that, we do walk around with a mask on, you know, where you could be falling

Vulnerability As A Superpower

Dr. Marline 22:53

apart inside, and you never let that show because you're expected, whether it's pressure you put on yourself, but oftentimes it's pressure from external family, friends, society, the culture. And we have to reframe that that whatever is causing you to present as a shell of yourself, it's not a you know, uh a setback, it's actually a superpower. You have to lean into that so that because at the end of the day, if just because you're showing up as if nothing's wrong, does that really mean nothing's wrong? Right, that's right. It's part of you, it's part of your life. So it's okay to really be vulnerable. You know, I'm not saying share your business with everyone in the world, because obviously there's a time and place for everything, but you use that disruption and you use that thing that was set out to make you seem weak, to set out to make you seem not enough. The thing that's set out to make you stressed, you use it to your advantage, you know, because it is because at the end of the day, we have to reframe it that it shouldn't be looked at as a negative thing. Like let's take women leaders. Oftentimes, with all my research, you find that women make I think it's 88% on the dollar compared to a man, something like that, right? Yeah. So why they pay the men more because they can be there. So when you really sit back and look at it, my research also shows that companies who have women in the leadership roles, they stand to make between 13 and 31% more money to their bottom line. So if not for anything else, even if the company only cared about money, right? If not for anything else, you have to invest in and support your women that are on these jobs because you have a guy that you're gonna pay more money because what he can sit there for 60 hours, okay, but the woman can do the same amount of work with the right support. That's correct. Positive outlook, she can do it in 40 hours. Yes, she has to come and go. Yes, she has to, you know, uh uh log in, you know, after hours, or maybe she has to, in my case, last week, I had to take my kids to the orthodontist for the dentist. So, what did I do? I I adjusted my hours for that day. The work's still not done. So it's a matter of reframing that whole thought that women leaders are weak if they need help. If they and what is help? Help and support. It may be a flexible schedule, maybe they're going through something in their life. You being able to allot them the flexibility they need to thrive is not a weakness. It is power, okay, because we have to do it and we can do it anyway, you know. So the TEDx talk was really about, you know, being eye-opening to organizations to provide more support for women and an eye-opener for women ourselves, whatever disruption we're going through, don't automatically let it let you count yourself out because that is not the case. You need to lean into that and then go from there.

Cassandra 26:14

That's correct. That's correct. Because you just made, I remember I had a boss and one of my colleagues became pregnant. And sometimes I think they forget what they say and who they're saying it to. And I remember him coming into my office and he said, He said, Well, she won't be as effective because now she's gonna have a child and she's gonna have to spend her time more with that child, so it's gonna take away her productivity from doing her work. And I'm like, why is that? Why so? But those are the things, those filters that we hear, and those, and then we get those internal barriers. Well, I can't have a I can have a child, but I can't spend the time with the child because they think that I don't put the work in, you know. So I love it when you say um um you you have to reframe it, you know. Uh, I like it when you say you have to have mentors and coaches and therapy because who says you can't do that? Where does that come from?

Dr. Marline 27:18

Yeah, it's it's very bizarre, and it's amazing that you mentioned that because one of my study participants for my research, that is exactly when she shared that with me. We both got so emotional when she said she, in secret, in silence, was going through her infertility, and somehow either someone walked into her office and overheard the ending part of a conversation. So that's how that coworker found out that she was dealing with whatever she was dealing with. She picked the phone call up while she was in her office. And lo and behold, that person went and told someone in management who happened to be a guy, a male. And it was time, and he didn't know how to approach her, right? Because he found this out through someone else. So he didn't know how to directly approach her.

Cassandra 28:10

Exactly.

Dr. Marline 28:11

So he waited until it was time for them to talk about um performance reviews and you know her her uh uh a future with the company. And he said, Oh, and by the way, you know, I know you recently got married. Congratulations on that. And you know, I found out or I heard, however, he framed it, that you're you know, trying to grow your family. Just just know that you won't be able to go for that position that you're you're in because that's gonna change your trajectory with the company. We'll still find another role for you, but you won't be able to go for it. What is that?

Cassandra 28:47

That's right. That's right, that's right. And then we don't use the voice because we have fear we're gonna lose our jobs. We need the money, so let's be quiet, like little girls should be, you know, don't be out smoking. So so I get it. So what are some because I think in your TED talk, there were some practical steps that can help turn those challenges around. So, what are some practical steps you can share with my listeners?

Dr. Marline 29:14

Yeah, absolutely. In addition to the TED Talk, I also have my MCD framework that I use, and it's something that it sounds so simple, but it really helps you to reset and just keep things moving forward because at the end of the day, the one thing that we can count on for sure is change and disruption. It's all around us, right? So, one of the things that I find very helpful is woman to woman, you know, check in with other women. Allow yourself to be that safe space for them should you notice that something's going on. One of the main examples I used in my TEDx talk is, you

Practical Tools And The MCD Framework

Dr. Marline 29:56

know, if we know Miss Cassandra, you know, is always happy and she's always saying good morning every morning or whatever it is, your actions and your behavior, and all of a sudden you notice that it's different, reach out to her. Don't automatically think that you're gonna judge or something's going on. Like you want to be able to be that safe space, you know, for other women. And that's really important to me, you know, because we all need a little sense of relatability and a sense of safety to know that we can land somewhere should we need it, you know. So that's one of the things that I talk about. The other ones as it relates to my MCD principles are to be motivated. Because what's going to happen is as disruption shows up in your life, yeah, you it might try to throw you off, it might cause you to become stagnant and not productive, and it might cause you to question your why. You know, why should I go on? So and that's where being motivated, that's the M, that's where that comes into place. Because one of the things like we just mentioned, constant change and disruption, those are not going away. But as long as you remember your why, it motivates you to keep going and do whatever it is that you need to do to change the world. Okay, because and it's important. So you got to stay motivated. The next one is to be courageous, you have to have courage. Now, being courageous doesn't mean that fear is not gonna set in. See, that's what people seem to think, oh no, I'm always gonna be strong. No, being courageous means, in spite of the fear, in spite of the unknown, in spite of whatever that's going on, try it anyway. Because if you don't do it, one, you're gonna live in regret and never know.

Cassandra 31:36

Yeah, right.

Dr. Marline 31:37

Who can live in the past wondering what if, what if, what if, because we were afraid. But as long as you're courageous, you'll try it. So you'll have the answer. Maybe you won't do it again, but at least you now, right? Being courageous is very, very important because you are bigger than whatever it is that you're going through, right? So you have to have great. Finally, you want to be dynamic. And the reason why I love dynamism, it it plays into what I love about being authentic, right? And being able to adapt is until you accept and acknowledge whatever it is that you're going through, you're always going to show up as a shell of yourself, and that does no one no good. Perfect example, right? If you decide, like let's take the case of uh infertility and something happens and you're you don't want to go to a baby shower. Guess what? It's okay. You don't go to a baby shower because people understand, don't understand, you know that that's a trigger for you. You are important, so it's okay to not go. However, if you decide to show up, you show up authentically yourself. You don't lower yourself, you don't try to hide, you don't try to, you know, just be in the room but not seeing you're not being authentic. Because at that point, the other option is just don't go, don't do it to yourself.

Cassandra 33:04

That's right.

Dr. Marline 33:05

So if you're to being the bubbly person, the supportive person, whatever it is, you show up as her, you know, because it's important to have that authenticity, because at the end of the day, we're all walking around with masks on, and half of the time we don't know who we're dealing with, and you're only doing yourself a disservice, you know. Because what if you go, you show up as the the or you're sad, so it's someone else's day, but you're showing up like that, and then now it becomes about you, and because you maybe are a good person, which you strive for all of us to be, you now go home and say, Oh man, I I wish I didn't do that, and I didn't, I wish I didn't present that way, and now you can't go back and change it versus you being authentic. If you show up authentically, you regardless of what's going on, you never have to look back and regret.

Cassandra 33:58

That's right. Get your power back, right?

Dr. Marline 34:01

That's right. Absolutely, absolutely, yes.

Cassandra 34:08

How that how important is that now and and and what you share, and we're not saying it's easy to do the mindset, and okay, yeah, okay, they said that, but look at them, and comparison is a thief of joy, and a lot of us compare, like, oh, she's had her child, you know, oh, oh, oh, oh me, yeah, and and all of that, as you indicated, comes from experience and the why. Yeah, you know, why why is that important? Like, like, for example, my my why and my life is I don't want any regrets. Correct. I don't want to be on my way transitioning, and and and they say, Well, what did you regret? Um I regret that I couldn't be true to myself, or I regret I wasn't happy. Why is that? You know, so that's kind of my why. So then you have to define what it is as you indicated. What does success mean? Success is different for everybody, you know. So what does that look like? And and for example, I want you to share a little bit about your infertility. And individuals now know you you have a child, and if I'm not mistaken, you have twins.

Dr. Marline 35:35

Yes, I have I have actually four, I have four children, all boys. Okay, so I have yes, I have my oldest uh son. He's been with me since a little before he turned two. He's my husband's firstborn. I always say that Richard is the one that gave me no labor pains. Okay, so I have a free baby, and then I have the twin boys. Uh they're 13, they'll be 14 in November, and I have our youngest son, he is eight. So I have a house full of full of boys.

Cassandra 36:04

Full of boys. Oh my gosh. Wow, a lot of testosterone coming on in that in the in that house.

Dr. Marline 36:11

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

Cassandra 36:14

You know, you talked about superpower. And I've heard you talk about super woman. Yeah, what's the difference? Superpower versus a superwoman.

Dr. Marline 36:27

Um that's a good question. I don't know if I actually have a specific answer for it. I think superwoman is what other people perceive us to be.

Cassandra 36:41

Okay.

Dr. Marline 36:42

Because oftentimes, because other people perceive us to be superwomen, we take on what we think, the qualities, the requirements, the aspects of what it is to be superwoman. Because you'll find that women don't call themselves superwomen. Sometimes other people refer

Superwoman Pressure Versus Superpower

Dr. Marline 37:00

to women as superwomen. So what we do is take on what we think. Oh, they think I'm superwoman. Okay, I have to do this, this, this, this, no break, no sleep, no eat, no fun, no everybody, everything, you know. So I think we take on the traits or the perceived characteristics of superwomen. So it's from a third, a third party lens, I think is what people want to do.

Cassandra 37:19

Okay.

Dr. Marline 37:20

Superpower, I think, is internal. We have our superpowers. And it's about reframing, because even though people want us or want women to be super women, they don't know what the actual like powers are that'll get it done. They just know you need to get it done. Versus us women, we have to reframe all of these things that we're doing and look at them as our superpower. So let me give you an example. A superpower would be someone is saying, okay, Miss Cassandra has to go to work, leave work, go to the appointment, remember to schedule the appointment for the dentist for the four children, call the school to make sure that we talk about the testing results, figure out where we're going on vacation, and we'll need to set up a meeting to do that on the weekend when everyone's together, all these things, right? So that's because I think Miss Cassandra is a superwoman. She's gonna get all this done because that's her job, right? She can do it, she got it. But when you actually look at it, Cassandra, that superpower is that you are a taskmaster, you are organized, right? And you're very strategic and you know how to plan. That's the superpower. So instead of looking at it as a negative thing, oh my gosh, they're dumping on me. They want everybody, everyone wants me to do this, that, or that you look at it as okay, they're gonna come to you anyway, Miss Cassandra. Think about it. All these people who want things from you, they're gonna come to you anyway, right? And because they're gonna come to you, you look at it as oh, they want me to use my superpowers to get all of this done. But guess what? I'm gonna set boundaries, I'm going to do it on my time, I'm going to do it when it's good for me, and I'm going to do it in a manner that works for me. So, so to specifically answer the question, superwoman, I think, is what everybody perceives women to be because you get all of these things done. And then your superpower is reframing all of that. And instead of being, because why do we get frustrated or you know, maybe upset or sad about doing everything? Because we feel people are dumping on us, we feel we're not appreciated, we feel we're giving up ourselves to do this for all the people. No, no, no, no, no. Our superpower now is oh, you you want me to do that? Oh, okay, great. Thank you for making me remember that I'm a great planner, but now I'm on my time, not on your time.

Cassandra 39:53

Exactly. And a superpower could be the word no.

Dr. Marline 39:56

No, that's what I mean.

Cassandra 39:58

Boundaries. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. So all the women you've spoken with, and after you did your TEDx spot speak speech, I know a lot of people came to you. Like you probably had a line of individuals that wanted to ask you questions. Um, were there any common patterns that you noticed and how people define success?

Dr. Marline 40:24

You know, for them, like they didn't really, they didn't really talk to me about success, but I will tell you that a lot of the comments, Miss Cassandra, centered around one lady in particular. She said, I love how you framed your talk around disruption. And she said, because I didn't have an infertility experience, however, my disruption was grief. She says, I work in corporate America, I'm a corporate executive, and I lost my dad unexpectedly, and I had no idea how to deal with that. And what was required of me at work was just unbelievable, and I still don't know how to, you know, deal with that. And she said, Thank you so much for framing it because it allows us to be relatable, we can relate to you. Okay, you know, and sometimes another thing that I mentioned in the TEDx talk was around pausing, and a lot of times you won't see it on the talk because of how they edit, but I literally pause there, maybe in a stage in front of like three, four hundred people. When you pause with nothing to say for about a good minute and a half, everyone's wondering, well, what's going on? And she said to see you exhibit that because people will tell you, well, take a break or walk away. She goes, No, I'm happy to tell my therapist when I speak to her. I now see what you meant when you said take a pause. So there was a lot of relatability, okay, right, with the women up there and them knowing that it's okay to pause, it's okay to go through what you're going through, it's okay to advocate for yourself because the disruption is going to happen. So those were a lot of the comments that I got just about the level of relatability. Allow thanked me for allowing them to feel seen and heard. She said, although I didn't have infertility, and some of them were dealing with infertility and came to me and shared other experiences as well. But the overall arching, you know, the overarching comments and and responses that I received centered around our level of support, being able to be debatable and knowing that it's not the end-all be-all with whatever you're going through.

Cassandra 42:46

Okay. So I like that. So it's not so much success. Success can mean you see me.

Dr. Marline 42:53

Right, exactly.

Cassandra 42:55

I get the support. Correct. Yeah, that's the that can be success. Being in corporate for some may be a success. I mean, right, but that's not that's not it, you know. That's not it. It's not all that. That's that's not it's not all of that. So um, so you talked about how women can reclaim their power. We talked about boundaries. You didn't mention this, but I do know you you journal. Yes. You know, you journal to kind of get things out there. Uh, I liked it when you indicated that your weakness is a strength. It could be a strength, you could turn that around. Um, and then there were some practical things that you you talked about.

Dr. Marline 43:42

Um, one of the things you like uh it's yeah, being being motivated, right? Being dynamic, dynamic. Creating that safe space.

Cassandra 43:58

Right, right, right. And that is very good. And I also, and I I said in the beginning, I loved it when you said it happened, it'll happen by 30. Okay. And I remember I would say, okay, I will be married when I'm 30. Okay. That didn't happen. I'm like, oh my gosh, what's wrong? You know, or I'm going to get this promotion when I'm 40. You know. Um, and and and as you indicate, these are things you planned, you thought was going to happen, but they didn't. So when they don't, you want to make sure and do practical tools and steps that you spoke about so it won't ruin you. So you can be better or better about a situation that occurs in your life. Exactly. Exactly.

Dr. Marline 44:45

And that's what's most important. Just remembering to stay the course because once we accept and acknowledge that things don't always go according to plan, it allows our brain to open up and see other alternatives and see other ways. And then you're not so hard on yourself because a lot of the things that don't go according to plan, what people fail to realize, sometimes it's not in your control. And we want to internalize it and say, well, what could we have done differently? And sometimes you couldn't have you could not have done anything differently. So it's just about acknowledging that.

Cassandra 45:19

That's correct. That's correct. Uh, one other question I have, and then we're going to talk about how people can find you and and things of that nature. But you said something that really was thought-provoking for me. Um, you made a comment that what you wear can reflect what you believe about yourself. Can you say a little more about that?

Dr. Marline 45:43

Let me tell you, simple. My mom told me, and she still tells me this to this day. Uh-huh, the way you present yourself is how people will receive you. Period. Okay. Now, I know in school we've always learned don't judge a book by its cover and all the things that that's when you're on an external, right? Me on the outside looking in, I'm not going to judge you based on what you look like or whatever, right? That's what that's what I'm talking about. But in my home, in my household, my mom says, always show up

Self-Image And How You Present

Dr. Marline 46:19

how you want people to receive you. And because of that, I have always taken pride in what I wear. You wear certain colors, certain colors lighten you up, it improves your mood. You, you know, wear certain lip colors. And like now, I don't have on any makeup, I just put on lipstick. But you show up bubbly, you show up, you know, in a way where you're always ready. And one of the things my mom used to say is when you go to school, there's school clothes. When you come home, there's home clothes. If you're stepping out to the grocery store, you have to put on your grocery store clothes. When we're going to church, there's church clothes. There's a time and place for everything. But I do truly feel that. But on the flip side of that, in my um career, one of my mentors was my old boss. She was the previous CFO. She thought differently. She felt, as long as you don't come into this office naked, I don't care what you wear because it's all about yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, it's all about what's in here. I hired you for your brain. I didn't hire you for what you look like. So we always had like a back and forth because I would come in here, Ms. Cassandra, I am dressed up. And when I started here, I was 21. So my hair's done, my professional, and I went to a high school that was really business um savvy as well. They prepped us for business attire. So I would they they would always look at me like, where does this girl think she's going? And in my mind, so I'm I'm listening to them that oh, it doesn't matter as long as I do my work. But then on the other side, it's my mom said, uh-uh-uh, you need to make sure you show up. I you want them to receive you. So that's right.

Cassandra 47:58

Okay.

Dr. Marline 47:59

Ultimately, it's all about what's in here, it's all about what's in your heart. And you know, you want to be able to make an impact on people. But for me personally, yes, I like to show up polished, you like to be prepared, and you want to make sure that you know people uh uh flock to you and accept you for who they who you truly are, instead of making a judgment at first and then trying to get, you know, you don't want to have to deal with that.

Cassandra 48:23

Exactly. And you tend to act differently, your behavior. Yeah, and I've seen kids that have uniforms in school and they act so different, but you let them wear whatever they want to wear, they're just all over the place. So that that says a lot. So I I like that when you said that. Um, first of all, I want to thank you so much for this conversation. I loved it. Yeah, and where can people connect with you, learn more about your work, and get a copy of your book? Now I know you have a children's book, you know, and and you have a podcast that we didn't talk about. And um, I think the podcast is issues that matter to women is your podcast.

Dr. Marline 49:07

Yes, it's women matter, yes, the women matter podcast. You can find it on my YouTube page. All the episodes are there as well. And everywhere and everything about me is on my website, www.mcdbe.com. It's right here, right next to my name. And from there, it can link you to my social medias, which is LinkedIn. LinkedIn is my name. Uh, my Instagram is mcd B

Where To Find Dr. Marr

Dr. Marline 49:33

E, just like the website. And my books you can find on Amazon. Um, it'll happen by 30, a relentless journey of faith, delayed but not denied. And my two children's books. I wrote two children's books in honor of my children to help, you know, really help children embrace what makes them unique and also be accepting of other people and their uniqueness. And that's one book, uh, Casein and Camden, yes, we're twins, but I'm still me. And the other book, KB the Bossy Rainbow Baby, just really talks about how sometimes we have these little people in our life and we think, oh my gosh, they're so bossy and they don't listen. And what's going on? And it's like, no, they are leaders in the making, right? So you help them hone in on that skill and uh you know learn and support them from there. So those are available on Amazon, but also on my website, www.mcdbe.com.

Cassandra 50:31

Okay, motivated, courage, dynamic.

Dr. Marline 50:34

That's right. Absolutely.

Cassandra 50:36

Okay, that's right. So again, thank you so much. And my listeners, please share this podcast uh with individuals that you know that will be blessed by it. And if you want to hear more, please subscribe and like. Thank you very much. God bless, and bye for now. Again, thank you, Dr. Marr.

Dr. Marline 50:57

Thank you so very much for having me. It's such a pleasure.