Overcoming Limiting Beliefs with Lexi DIY Of The Hot Mess House (Viral TikTok Series)

In this 8th episode of the FLIPPING GORGEOUS Podcast, we're welcoming Lexi of the Viral Tiktok Series "Hot Mess House" to the show!  @Lexi DIY  

As the  mighty powerhouse behind massive DIY home renovations, Lexi shares her amazing journey of overcoming limiting beliefs and documenting the process of renovating what she has coined as the "Hot Mess House." She offers advice and tips on a variety of topics, from entrepreneurship to being a military wife to protecting your mental health. Be sure to tune in to learn more about Lexi and her journey!

WATCH THE VIDEO PODCAST ON YOUTUBE 
https://youtu.be/szbqCms0WW8

📱CONNECT WITH LEXI ON SOCIAL
➡️https://www.youtube.com/@LexiDIY
➡️https://www.tiktok.com/@lexi.diy
➡️https://www.instagram.com/lexi.diy/

📱CONNECT WITH LENA ON SOCIAL
➡️  https://www.tiktok.com/@flippinggorgeous
➡️https://www.instagram.com/flippinggorgeous_/
www.flippinggorgeous.com
 
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Transcript

00:00:00:17 - 00:00:21:08
Speaker 1
So I'm really glad that you're here today because we haven't had the opportunity to really deep dove into some of those things that I would like. I need to know more about this and just a little bit of your story that you did share with me. I know I was like, you need to share this with our people, lady, because I think it can be sometimes scary to share.

00:00:21:08 - 00:00:47:20
Speaker 1
Not those pretty parts of our life, I'm sure, especially in the line of work that you're in. You know, your Instagram is just I could I was stalking you and I was like, oh, I of the parents so pretty. You know, all your designs so very vibrant, pretty. But to know that behind some of that, this past couple of years, you were going through some pretty dark and deep stuff.

00:00:47:20 - 00:01:03:17
Speaker 1
Yeah. That I think you started to share on your social media and I know have really resonated a lot with your audience. And like you sharing this more, I think it's going to impact so many more people than you know.

00:01:03:27 - 00:01:25:05
Speaker 2
Thank you. Thank you so much for saying that. And I want to say really quick, I felt the same way about you, really. When we were joined in that group together, I immediately noticed you and I'm like, Who's this girl? And you felt like a little intimidated, like, but it was so fun because in the same way as you and I started to connect, I realize, Oh, we've got some stuff below the surface, right?

00:01:25:05 - 00:01:45:24
Speaker 2
And both you and I feel like want to show up with that. So we're not just giving the persona of a perfect life because it can be a temptation to want to do that. But I just appreciated that you did the same thing, and that was one of the reasons why I was so excited. Come over here today because I'm like, Yes, what is Lena doing?

00:01:45:24 - 00:01:49:11
Speaker 2
What is he up to? And I just want to be a part of it because I think it's beautiful.

00:01:49:26 - 00:02:09:16
Speaker 1
So thank you for having me. Yeah, it's an interesting point that you made and I don't know, like this might come off wrong to some people, but I think when people see from the outside, like you were saying, you might be introduced to somebody new. And just like I was like, oh, my gosh, this is growing beautiful. It's hard for people not to make just immediate judgments about you.

00:02:09:18 - 00:02:10:27
Speaker 1
Right. Do you feel that way?

00:02:11:04 - 00:02:34:19
Speaker 2
Yeah. Well, and I know I do the same thing to others. Right. So it's just an obvious and easy way to jump to a conclusion and put somebody in this particular box. And I think one of the things that I have learned and I'm still trying to learn is to push myself into people's stories a little more than I would normally do, because I'm starting to realize there's often so much more than what meets the eye.

00:02:34:24 - 00:02:55:28
Speaker 2
And I've been an I'm an introvert. And so all my life I've held myself back a little bit from people, and I've not pushed myself to do that. It's felt intimidating, but the more I'm doing it, I feel like life is just coming to life. That makes sense because people are coming to life to me, and I'm not just taking them as the facade or who I think they are based upon.

00:02:55:28 - 00:02:56:24
Speaker 2
My first impression.

00:02:56:28 - 00:03:00:09
Speaker 1
Yeah. It's interesting that you're an introvert. I don't think I would have thought that.

00:03:00:09 - 00:03:14:27
Speaker 2
I can extrovert my way in social settings, but then when I go home, I have to decompress. Like I have to just sit there and feel all that energy back. And then I'll usually I spend a lot of time alone. It's fun to get to that point.

00:03:15:05 - 00:03:25:02
Speaker 1
I can be the same way, like an extroverted yeah. Introvert. Yeah. And it's funny, like, I'm just kind of realizing this about myself lately. It's like, if I don't get that time, just kind of, you know.

00:03:25:22 - 00:03:26:10
Speaker 2
Oh, with kids.

00:03:26:13 - 00:03:45:26
Speaker 1
With kids. And then when the kids aren't around doing your project, you know, just kind of getting that time to impress. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Yeah. But it's funny because I think a lot of people think like, Oh, you put yourself out there on social media, you have all these followers, you can't be an introvert. But I think back again goes back to like social media.

00:03:45:26 - 00:04:15:18
Speaker 1
It's a bit curated and going back to people making some initial judgments, they can go to a beautiful Instagram page and know what her life is. Her life looks beautiful and embarrassed, and they don't even know some of that really hard stuff that you've been going through. So we can just. Yeah. What I think a lot of people would love probably to hear more about that you've touched a little bit on is you went through a really, really challenging divorce.

00:04:16:01 - 00:04:17:12
Speaker 2
Yeah. For kid. Yeah.

00:04:18:02 - 00:04:38:16
Speaker 1
Because we can kind of speed up from that. Yeah. So with somebody that you were married to from a young age, right, so might Young kind of started building something together, having kids and then all of a sudden you find yourself in that position. Where do you feel like the rug pulled out from under you?

00:04:38:23 - 00:05:04:15
Speaker 2
Absolutely. Yeah, of course, it was during 2020. I think a lot of people experienced the rug being pulled out from them during the pandemic. And I think that was just maybe because there was so much pressure put on everyone. We were in these pressure cookers and everything that we were able to kind of rally above and hold things together and all were kind of like limping along, but we're limping along and then we get into this environment, pressure, cooking environment.

00:05:04:15 - 00:05:45:27
Speaker 2
We can't run from it anymore and it just all kind of comes to the surface and then we had to deal with it. And so that's what happened to us. And just as a little back story, we had bought this house in particular as we were working through some of these issues that I was talking about. We're kind of limping through and this house was part of us resetting ourselves financially, work wise, just all of these things we were putting together this plan to how we were going to reset and recalibrate our life as we were walking through some of these challenging issues and having a fixer upper house was not what I wanted, but

00:05:45:27 - 00:06:05:00
Speaker 2
we were really trying to get into a boat where we're switching careers and we we thought, okay, what if we before we do this, what if we pay off all our debt? What if we sell our house, buy the cheapest house in the in the school district that we want? Right. So we found the cheapest house and it was horrible when we bought it was so ugly inside.

00:06:05:21 - 00:06:23:14
Speaker 2
I actually the day, the day we closed went to the closing table. We went to the house again and I sat in my kids, one of my kids bedrooms in the corner on the floor. And I cried and I said, I'm not sleeping here. I'm not sleeping here tonight. And I didn't I had a sleepover at my sister's house because I just felt like it was so ugly.

00:06:23:19 - 00:06:42:15
Speaker 2
And I had hopes and dreams of buying a house that I felt proud of or a house that I really wanted. You know, this next stage of life to move into. And it's dead. And we made the choice to do it, but we were going down. We're downgrading, right. And and without the intention. And the house on a sugar hill was not on my radar.

00:06:42:15 - 00:07:02:01
Speaker 2
Social media, none of that was not part of the plan. For the plan was, hey, let's rally, let's put some of these pieces of our life's life together in a certain way to move us forward. Okay. So as I as I start redoing some of the houses, too horrible I could not bear to stand and stand there. And we were trying to save money.

00:07:02:01 - 00:07:23:00
Speaker 2
Right? So I'm doing everything on my own as much as I can do on my own, for as cheaply as possible. People start getting interested and I know how this goes. And then you start sharing a little bit more and it gets shared here and there. And all of a sudden I have a following on social media, which was great, but I didn't know social media was an income maker at that point either.

00:07:23:00 - 00:07:44:08
Speaker 2
I just thought it was fun, right? But it continues to grow and then it gets to a point where it's starting to make income for us. And my husband at the time started to join me because it was we loved doing it together. It was really fun, it was exciting and it started to become a bigger and bigger portion of our income as time went on.

00:07:45:00 - 00:08:02:08
Speaker 2
Now, when we did this together, he did all the heavy lifting and I was doing more of the design and the pretty parts. But then he was the one who would handle all the table floors and literally the heavy lifting and just the things that intimidated me. And I wasn't quite okay doing on my own. He would always handle.

00:08:02:08 - 00:08:27:15
Speaker 2
And so that's kind of a little bit of a catch up to 2020 happens now we're in it together house under sugar Hill is not quite there. I'd like to be able to provide for our family, but it's close. I could see it in the vision. I'm like, Oh, this might be where we go with our like both our careers and and then the pandemic hits and everything comes to the surface and comes to light.

00:08:27:16 - 00:08:51:04
Speaker 2
And we we decide to let's move. Let's look at this. The situation that we have been dealing with for years is actually look at it and let's let's deal with it, but hardcore, you know. And so during that season, my husband at the time moved out for a with a guided separation. And Ayatollah loan with four kids doing digital learning.

00:08:51:04 - 00:09:12:17
Speaker 2
And again has that Sugar Hill was one of our the biggest ways we made money too so the responsibility to continue that and that was an incredibly difficult time but I also I think it was probably the adrenaline too or something else was going on because I just, you know, rose up to the challenge. I don't know how I look back on it now.

00:09:12:17 - 00:09:30:03
Speaker 2
And I'm like, man, I every day I was just getting out of bed and going, going, go and going to school, digital, you know, this heartbreak, all of the emotional things that I'm going through with the separation which ended up leading into a divorce. So it was it was just a wild, wild year for me and really intense.

00:09:31:19 - 00:09:50:07
Speaker 2
And then as as I'm starting to realize that a divorce is inevitable, that's where we get to this part that you had asked me about, which is the decision to continue house on a Sugar Hill and move it forward and do it on my own, truly, for the first time. And that was scary.

00:09:50:17 - 00:09:53:19
Speaker 1
So to back up a bit, what year did you buy the house?

00:09:54:04 - 00:09:56:21
Speaker 2
Oh, 2017.

00:09:56:21 - 00:10:05:28
Speaker 1
Okay. So three years. So that whole time period is towards that's kind of like what happened in those three year, right? What were you doing when you bought it where you just mommy and really hard.

00:10:05:28 - 00:10:06:16
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:10:06:18 - 00:10:07:08
Speaker 1
I mean, really.

00:10:07:08 - 00:10:30:23
Speaker 2
High were when we moved in Isla was six months old. Yeah. So I had been homeschooling our kids and had a six month old at the time when we moved in back into the house. And so as I got a little older, like almost a year of what is this, what is this free time? You don't really have free time when you have a one year old, but that's when I started dabbling a little bit in design and DIY.

00:10:30:27 - 00:10:32:18
Speaker 1
So you had never really done that before?

00:10:32:29 - 00:10:36:22
Speaker 2
Oh, I mean, for fun, sort of. I had painted my cabinets in my old house.

00:10:36:22 - 00:10:42:24
Speaker 1
When you look back in your childhood, were you doing creative things like are you selling or are you making things so using.

00:10:42:27 - 00:10:47:07
Speaker 2
Fun fact, I am one of 11 shot. Yes, right.

00:10:47:07 - 00:10:47:27
Speaker 1
Yes.

00:10:48:04 - 00:11:07:15
Speaker 2
My good. My parents were both educators. What they homeschool, that's they're like, hey, we teach in the public school, but we're actually going to teach your home at home. Is that funny? And so thing and and they were very much about our brain development. Good good job on my dad thank you. But they would they they would limit TV.

00:11:07:15 - 00:11:28:02
Speaker 2
We, we could hardly watch on TV. Awesome. There's was like no you're just going to go have to make your own fun. And we became I have seven sisters, we became so creative. So we were always sewing and we were out. We always would make our own clothes. And at one point my dad built a he called it the little house, a shed essentially in our backyard.

00:11:28:07 - 00:11:46:24
Speaker 2
And he had us do it with him step by step. I mean, we were kids, we weren't doing much, but he was always exposing us to to tools and different things. And he was obviously doing the heavy lifting, but he would have us come along. He had this massive tool shop in the basement and he would allow us to use like the jigsaw, add a couple of things.

00:11:46:24 - 00:11:54:03
Speaker 2
So I was familiar with it, but I didn't really utilize that in my home until I started on this house.

00:11:54:03 - 00:12:02:24
Speaker 1
So, you know, it's interesting because when I look back to you, I go, okay, I was exposed to a little bit, but it wasn't until you were in that situation where you really had no choice.

00:12:03:06 - 00:12:03:10
Speaker 2
But.

00:12:03:10 - 00:12:25:20
Speaker 1
To do it on your own. Yes. So there's so many different things along that way in that story that we could get into. But I think yeah, I mean, all that was so much. And then like you said, you were just you didn't really have any choice but to just move forward. Yeah, right. Because you had four kids now and you never did any previous blogging or anything.

00:12:25:20 - 00:12:35:00
Speaker 1
You just started building up gas on a Sugar Hill. During that time you were married, how did you learn about like turning it into a business? Like, was that ham? Was that you?

00:12:35:26 - 00:12:56:10
Speaker 2
I just learned it on my own. I divide my business as well. I've always been super interested in business, but I never went to business school. But I just I just always enjoyed it. And so as brands started to reach out to me, I had I just started experimenting with different things like, hey, what if I ask for this amount?

00:12:56:10 - 00:13:10:17
Speaker 2
What if I this or I stay up late in search of how much I charge here and which I do here, and I would organize this. And how do I send all this stuff over? I mean, you know, all the ins and outs that goes with content, great creating, but it's just something that I've been picking up along the way.

00:13:10:17 - 00:13:17:08
Speaker 2
I feel like I'm still kind of working my way into making that department business.

00:13:17:08 - 00:13:40:12
Speaker 1
Better and everything. Change is all but always. So you're helping to keep up. So you and he had bought this house. You didn't have any intention of turning it into a brand of blog. He And you decide, oh this is actually can be our main source of income. When it started to turn into that, was he supportive in that or was that like he?

00:13:40:12 - 00:13:44:02
Speaker 1
I don't know. What was that like? I worry to do this together.

00:13:44:03 - 00:14:17:05
Speaker 2
Sure. I think that we both had the desire to do it together, but it's also any time you work with a spouse or a partner, there's potential for it to get messy and complicated because. Right. Somebody is the boss. And in this situation I was the boss and then he was working for me. And again, we both had the desire to do it, but it did add extra complication to our relationship, to a point that at some point when we're getting into the separation, I was like, We need to not do this.

00:14:17:05 - 00:14:30:09
Speaker 2
We don't need more complication here, right now. So as he moved out, right, it was a natural parting anyways for him to not be a part of that. But but it was it was great and it was fun at times. And then at times it was really.

00:14:30:09 - 00:14:36:12
Speaker 1
Challenging and it kind of made it more of a business relationship than it did. And that sometimes take the forefront.

00:14:37:08 - 00:14:58:01
Speaker 2
No, I don't think so, because we're we're very both of us are very relational oriented. So we we love connection and connecting with people. So we had a lot of fun doing it. I really I think people can pull this off and people can do it. I just think we had so many other things going on that that was that was in probably the best fit for us at that time.

00:14:58:08 - 00:15:10:18
Speaker 1
So for someone listening that maybe wants to start a business with their husband, you're not saying don't do that. That can totally work. There are some other fundamental things that really led to the divorce. Don't get too soon. No.

00:15:11:07 - 00:15:17:08
Speaker 2
No, no. And, you know, and that is that's we actually had so much fun working together. So yeah.

00:15:17:08 - 00:15:44:10
Speaker 1
So you're you're being faced with, okay, we're going to get a divorce. But not only are you looking at losing the marriage, you also are losing or maybe the fear of losing literally everything. Yeah, right. Together. You had this business. Sure. So not only is he not there as not husband, like, not there as a business partner, and really, you're forced to sink or swim, right?

00:15:44:27 - 00:15:48:09
Speaker 1
What did you what did you really learn about yourself during that time?

00:15:48:27 - 00:16:08:27
Speaker 2
You know, I what I learned and people would share this with me all the time over social media and in real life, which I can't tell you. The community on social media was so gracious and kind and supportive, which I know you don't hear often, but that's what this this community of people who have followed him and I through this journey.

00:16:08:27 - 00:16:23:21
Speaker 2
And we would show up and work together and people were invested in us as a family. And then he's gone. And then we start I just start saying it finally, because it was awkward not to like, hey, we're working on our marriage and he doesn't live here anymore and here's how I'm doing. That's not okay. You know, I'm not okay today.

00:16:23:21 - 00:16:41:15
Speaker 2
Or sometimes I show up and I'm like, Hey, I'm feeling a little bit better today, but these people just rallied, rallied around me. I mean, there were people who would put me on their calendar that I didn't know, and they prayed for me every single day. And then they would reach out to me and tell me, I mean, it was wild to me and I really, really felt that.

00:16:41:15 - 00:17:20:18
Speaker 2
And so so first of all, when it happened and when I realized it's sink or swim, I decided I was going to make some really difficult choices that were long term choices in my. And so one of those things is I knew that this was going to be traumatic for me. I had been through enough therapy and counseling that I was like, if I don't deal with my heart and my mental health in this season, then I am going to pay for that in spades down the road and I knew my propensity to just work, work, work, work, work, work, work to cover up the pain.

00:17:20:18 - 00:17:34:23
Speaker 2
And so I took a hard look at that and made the decision in that season that I was going to take. It was a lot of hours for me because I'm a mom so busy. I was going to take about 3 hours every day and go for a walk.

00:17:35:02 - 00:17:35:14
Speaker 1
And.

00:17:35:27 - 00:18:02:08
Speaker 2
Meditate and clear my mind and cry it out, pray or read or whatever. And I did it every single day, so I'd get up in the morning, I'd put my kids on the bus, and as soon as they were gone, I headed to a park nearby. And I would just walk and walk and walk and walk and walk for miles and I'm working through all of the emotional baggage there, weights that were on me and starting to release them.

00:18:02:08 - 00:18:11:16
Speaker 2
And I was in therapy as well, which was necessary. And then I would get home and then I would start working and do all the household sugar health stuff.

00:18:12:09 - 00:18:38:07
Speaker 1
So you I think, gosh, that self I don't know the right word. I'm trying to look for just being self aware that I do have a tendency to want to work, work where I think a lot of us are like that, it's much easier to just keep moving. That's kind of getting those feeling to feel it. Yeah, that's hard, especially when you're raising kids and you're like, How do I be strong for them when I feel broken?

00:18:38:07 - 00:18:53:29
Speaker 1
Yes, I think so many. What would you tell that mom right now? That mom who is going through a divorce or maybe she knows it's coming and she's like, I don't feel like I can get up yet. I don't feel like I can keep going. What what would you tell her right now?

00:18:53:29 - 00:19:10:12
Speaker 2
I would tell her that there's there are days that you want you won't want to get out of bed and it's okay to go, because I did this, too. And I had a season, season of intentionality. And then I had a season where I like, just crumbled with depression. And that's normal. That happens. It's part of grief, but it doesn't last forever.

00:19:10:22 - 00:19:30:02
Speaker 2
And during that season, I would put the kids on the bus and I would try to work. And my body was just it wouldn't it wouldn't work, you know. And some days I would just go back in bed and I couldn't think straight. And I had was dealing with a lot of anxiety. And again, I was in therapy and I was scared because I thought like, this is not sustainable.

00:19:30:27 - 00:19:48:04
Speaker 2
How can I provide for my family? How can I do this if I'm in this mental state? But it was just a season. It was just a few months for me and I know it can last longer for other people. And I would say, you know, as you're facing that or if that happens to you partner with a mental health provider because they are going to help guide you through that.

00:19:48:11 - 00:20:12:02
Speaker 2
And I was doing that and she kept saying this is necessary and it's just the season and don't freak out about it. Don't don't get in the state of mind that this is what you're going to be like forever. It's not your body's releasing. It's great and it has to do it and you're going to be okay. And so think long term, don't think what am I going to do in the next three months necessarily think in a year.

00:20:12:11 - 00:20:18:16
Speaker 2
Here's my goal, here's my vision and I'm going to give myself grace and patience to get there. And that's my target.

00:20:19:01 - 00:20:36:10
Speaker 1
I think that's so important for people to hear about. It's just to see the ones with the faith, because I know a lot of us, whether it's like you're transitioning from becoming a mom or you're going through something, maybe it's a marriage trouble or you're going through the loss of a parent. It almost seems like our culture today is like you can't stop.

00:20:36:10 - 00:20:37:15
Speaker 2
Yes, it does seem like.

00:20:37:15 - 00:20:52:05
Speaker 1
Especially with social media and especially if you're trying to build something, it's that fear of like, what if I stop? I'm going to not ever get to where I want to get. I struggle.

00:20:52:05 - 00:20:53:22
Speaker 2
I'm sure I still struggle.

00:20:53:22 - 00:21:08:21
Speaker 1
With, you know, if I just take a break, is it going to be there? I think that's something I really had to learn and I've learned about through different things. You've obviously learned in this divorce is it's going to be a phase and you're going to get through it and it's still going to be there on the other side.

00:21:08:22 - 00:21:09:09
Speaker 1
It's going to be there.

00:21:09:09 - 00:21:37:07
Speaker 2
It's this specifically with social media. It feels like it's not. But I had another one hit me just recently. Over the summer, I was I had come back on social media and I had kind of rallied and I had actually been pretty consistent through my whole separation and divorce. And then last summer hit and I was two years up and all of a sudden I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and every time I would pick up my phone, even to just share it, the most benign thing, like a staircase run out of my my.

00:21:37:09 - 00:22:03:24
Speaker 2
I would feel like it's not throw up. You know, my heart starts racing. It's like I couldn't even do the simplest task. And I was curious about why and started just kind of working through that and realized that when I was sharing so consistently through so much pain, I probably shared more than was actually okay for me. Not more, more information necessarily, but I was showing up so often and I think I needed a rest.

00:22:04:15 - 00:22:25:12
Speaker 2
But now that I was in this season that I was doing doing better and I was more on my feet and I wasn't in this fight or flight, which I have been in the past. Now, that anxiety was starting to surface, even though it was two years later and I made this was the scariest one for me. I actually took two months off of social media and I have not done that since I started back in 2017.

00:22:25:24 - 00:22:41:18
Speaker 2
And so I did not know if it was going to be there for me when I came back, I was really scared also with the knowledge, this is my job and this is how I support my kids, but what else could I do right? I mean, I could barrel through and keep going or I could take the rest that my body needed.

00:22:41:18 - 00:23:13:08
Speaker 2
And I decided to do that and just have faith that it was going to work out. And it's really cool because as soon as I got back on, I had been stagnant on Instagram for quite some time, took two months off and then came back on consistently for about a month. And my following and everything just kind of went viral and about doubled, which was I did not I saw that I thought it was going to be a really hard climb to get back and sometimes it is it's not a guarantee that that's going to happen, but it's really great to know that that can happen.

00:23:13:13 - 00:23:19:24
Speaker 2
You can take the break and the rest that you need and come back and help and you might be just surprised at the results.

00:23:20:08 - 00:23:41:16
Speaker 1
I think you can't and it's hard, like if you're in a creative job or if you're feeling depressed and angry, you can't feel creative and the whole same time and you can't force that. So coming taking a little break and then coming back refreshed and then experiencing. I know. I think I saw you, like, double it from the time I met you and start following you.

00:23:41:16 - 00:23:58:29
Speaker 1
And then recently I was like, Oh, what a great journey. And so I think that's also great for me to hear that it's okay. Like, okay, we need to take care of yourself. Yes. Come back at it. It might even be better than expected. It might not be the hard climb up. Yeah. So how did your kids handle this?

00:23:59:03 - 00:24:21:26
Speaker 1
I obviously I'm still married to my husband. Yeah. I hope I never go through a divorce because I'm a child of a divorce. And, like, I know how traumatic that is as a kid. And it was a very bad, ugly message of more than I'm 16. So you know everything. Yes. When you have things like your kids kind of rally around you.

00:24:21:29 - 00:24:27:03
Speaker 1
So how did that how have you, I guess, navigated that for kids?

00:24:27:03 - 00:24:42:07
Speaker 2
Yeah, I know. I was talking to a friend, actually. My neighbor, she lives across the street and she said, me and my husband, we just look at you from across the street. It's from our window and we think, how does she do it? And how does she do that? She has four kids. She runs her business and she's like, I just feel bad for you all the time.

00:24:42:17 - 00:25:03:07
Speaker 2
And I looked at her, I was like, You know, parenting is really hard. But one of the gifts that I think I received in this season is that my kids did rally. They could have easily and they had every justification to freak out, know and express their pain in ways that might be hurtful to them or to other people.

00:25:03:07 - 00:25:26:14
Speaker 2
But they didn't. And that's not in my control. I mean, I don't I'm not responsible for that. They're responsible for themselves. So I feel like in one sense, I was I'm so grateful for that. And I would say that to myself often and sometimes to them in that season, like, I'm so grateful for you, because not only were they they helpful and sweet and kind, oftentimes they were ministering.

00:25:26:14 - 00:25:45:04
Speaker 2
To me it was very interesting. Like I was going through some of my journals over the last couple of years and my daughter, who was six at the time, she would see the the most secret of all significant things to me at the moment. I needed to hear that she just sit there and she looked at me and she to see, you know, was the one I read the other day.

00:25:45:04 - 00:26:08:12
Speaker 2
She was praying, asked her what she was paying, and she was just like, I don't tell the whole story. The whole story is adorable. But she just said just that you would know that you're going to have everything you need, which is pretty wild coming from a six year old. But one practical thing that helped us so much, and I really appreciate my ex for this, is that we came it was the situation itself was messy.

00:26:08:25 - 00:26:12:18
Speaker 2
And of course it is nobody. Most people do it for you, not Tom.

00:26:12:18 - 00:26:20:21
Speaker 1
Brady and Giselle. I hear why your divorce rate. We're both multimillionaires. We know that we're not real. Right?

00:26:21:08 - 00:26:37:14
Speaker 2
Exactly. But. But we both our number one priority really was to learn how to do this best for our kids. So not coming at it with like we're going to do what's best for our kids. And this is where I think this is what I think. Right. I think most parents want to do what's best for their kids.

00:26:38:07 - 00:26:56:14
Speaker 2
But what we what we decided to do is sit down with professionals and let them help us do that together as a group. So we would sit down with our mutual therapist as we were preparing for the divorce. And we would ask, okay, what is the healthiest and the best way we could do this for our kids? What is the healthiest and best parent to find?

00:26:56:14 - 00:27:13:01
Speaker 2
What is it that of that? We would get information from professionals. We did the same thing with our mediator and we just ask them, write out what's best for the kids, write up what's best for the kids, write out what's best for the kids. And because it genuinely was both of our desire to do what is best for the kids, we agreed under those guys.

00:27:13:06 - 00:27:32:22
Speaker 2
We didn't have to argue. There wasn't any fighting or arguing about how to handle the kids because we took what the professionals, like the people who were advocating for our kids and could see clearly and we're trained in this. We took their advice very seriously. And and then the things that they just always say, like never talk about the about your spouse.

00:27:33:03 - 00:27:53:04
Speaker 2
Don't share the details of what's going on. They don't need to know that. I always wanted to make sure that I celebrated the love they had for their dad. And I just want to be honest about this. The the pain with real for me it wasn't one of those like not the amiable and happy thing. I was devastated and heartbroken.

00:27:53:04 - 00:28:17:26
Speaker 2
So in the beginning it was a lot of swallowing my own feelings of like wanting to feel justified or feeling like, you know, I wish they knew all those things. But instead, when they were excited to see Dad, I'm like, I'm so excited for you. Or Another decision that I made was to not delete. Are him out of my life publicly, on social media or on Facebook or all of that kind of things.

00:28:17:26 - 00:28:40:04
Speaker 2
And sometimes when the kids were having just I could tell they were a little off. Sometimes we'd go through old photos online and we'd just relive and talk about memories of us together as a family and normalize, talking about their dad and our lives was just I think everybody kind of who exhaled a little bit. And I mean, I hope that was a good decision.

00:28:40:05 - 00:28:41:18
Speaker 2
It feels like it was.

00:28:41:18 - 00:28:56:23
Speaker 1
I think it first of all, it's like such a place of maturity because like you were saying, you were angry, you were hurt. How did you. I because I know there's a mom listening right now who's thinking I can't even be in the same room as him.

00:28:56:23 - 00:28:58:03
Speaker 2
And I was in that same I can't.

00:28:58:17 - 00:29:19:20
Speaker 1
I can't even be in the same room and to even talk about how we're going to handle the kids. So how did you how did you do that? I'm not a person that can really I wear my heart on my shoulder a little bit. So I think that would even be challenging. But just like the love of your kids just over surpasses that you're just like, I'm doing it for them.

00:29:19:20 - 00:29:42:26
Speaker 2
Absolutely. And I think that the more information we have about what is best for our kids, at least for me, that's incredibly helpful for me. So I'll have all these desires and these wants and that's all right. But when I'm informed on how that would potentially harm my child and life, I really understand that it makes it so much easier to just swallow it.

00:29:43:03 - 00:30:02:21
Speaker 2
And I will say the first few times you swallow it, it's horribly hard and then it gets easier. And now it's at the point and I think I think too, it probably helped settle me down inside so that I got to a point where I wasn't getting quite so triggered quite as easily and I have a bigger picture in mind.

00:30:03:00 - 00:30:30:19
Speaker 2
And also also to think that with your children, oftentimes if you are the parent that the children are living with, they will bring all of their angst to you and not the person that they got to see often, because that makes sense. Right? They're not seeing that person often, but but sitting down with my therapist and talking this through and understanding that you are now you're the safety parent for them and the guardrail parent for them.

00:30:30:19 - 00:30:49:21
Speaker 2
So now they're going to come it test all your limits and just know that that's good for them and know that what you're doing is a good thing for them and know that long term, having someone in their life who puts boundaries and restrictions and says no and all that kind of stuff is good for your kids. So let yourself be the bad parent.

00:30:50:08 - 00:31:02:04
Speaker 1
You know? Yeah, I there's a lot of you. Oh, yeah. For kids going through it, trying to deal with your own emotions. Were there any books or anything? If someone is going through this like a couple of books that you would recommend? Oh.

00:31:02:22 - 00:31:22:13
Speaker 2
Okay. So I would say just anybody across the board if if they're struggling in their marriage, oftentimes we're struggling because we don't have appropriate boundaries. So any of the boundary books are so helpful. This would not this could be for anybody who's had a good marriage and maybe wants to understand a little bit better or boundaries with children.

00:31:22:21 - 00:31:44:00
Speaker 2
This line of book boundaries is was super helpful for me and it also helped me where I'm talking about this with a friend the other day. We're talking about self-care and how sometimes the way self-care is portrayed, taking a bubble bath or whatever, it's a bit of a bit of a Band-Aid, right? If I'm really struggling a little bit, actually is nice and I love that.

00:31:44:00 - 00:32:04:25
Speaker 2
But it's not going to fix the problem. And she said something I thought was profound. Just like I think real self-care is boundaries, knowing when to say no for one, also knowing when you're overextending what your responsibility is in somebody's life. And you stop doing that or stop trying to be someone who rescues other people. That minute goes all over the place that the boundaries books are.

00:32:04:25 - 00:32:23:06
Speaker 2
The first books that come to mind, that feel like you can't go wrong with that because you learn how to love people when you learn how to have boundaries because you know you're safe. I think that's what it did for me once I started protecting myself in appropriate ways, protecting my heart and my time and all of that.

00:32:24:02 - 00:32:42:09
Speaker 2
I was free to love people because I knew I wasn't going to overextend myself and I was free to have the tough conversations because I knew that I needed to do that. And I wasn't just going to absolve because I'm a I'm the type of person who does love to come in and rescue and who love. I love to clean up the mess as it makes me feel useful and helpful.

00:32:42:09 - 00:33:05:16
Speaker 2
Right. But then I would also retreat from people. I get resentful towards people and I was taking too much on. And so this just understanding this helped me be like, No, no, that's yours. Here's mine. And now since we have this understanding, I can come in and love you when it's appropriate, and I can also step back, which is also an act of love when it's appropriate.

00:33:05:16 - 00:33:07:09
Speaker 2
So that was a really profound.

00:33:07:09 - 00:33:19:17
Speaker 1
But yeah. What, what are some of the ways that you think people overstep boundaries with a spouse? Because in my mind, I think about when I think about boundaries, I know these books, but you're usually thinking of boundaries with people outside of your home.

00:33:19:20 - 00:33:20:26
Speaker 2
Right? Exactly.

00:33:20:26 - 00:33:25:21
Speaker 1
But what are you seeing? Some of the common the common ways people are overstepping their spouse?

00:33:25:23 - 00:33:48:27
Speaker 2
Well, there's a common dynamic in within marriages and sometimes referred up trying to remember the technical name. But there's it's the rescuer and the person who needs rescue when that's not the perfect, that's not the right term. But I can't write it off the top of my head. And there's often in dysfunctional relationships, someone who is making choices that aren't good for themselves or others.

00:33:49:08 - 00:34:14:03
Speaker 2
And in a marriage relationship, the spouse is attached to that person. Right? So here we're making choices that aren't best for ourself or others in any choice is not best for ourselves. It's going to have repercussions. Right. That's why they're not great choices to make, because they're going to hurt yourself or others or leave a mess. Right. So someone's over here making choices that are not the best choices.

00:34:14:03 - 00:34:36:18
Speaker 2
They're a mess. And you're the you're the partner. What do you do with the mess? Right. I don't want that mess in my house. This person's not dealing with it. I'm to clean it up. And then this person continues to do that. And you continue to clean up the mess. Clean up the mess. And so it's not easy and it's really difficult, but to just be like, I'm not doing that anymore.

00:34:37:12 - 00:35:12:17
Speaker 1
I grew up in a mess. Yeah, I grew up in a mess. And my mom had substance abuse issues. So my dad spent a lot of time, you know, and looking back, of course, I'm sure they wish both. I know they both wish they could have done things differently or it was different. My mom actually passed away from the hammer, but I know that she I don't think you ever go into it intending to have a marriage that no one ever got married, wanting to get a divorce, no one ever got married, wanting to cause a traumatic situation for their children.

00:35:12:17 - 00:35:28:15
Speaker 1
But sometimes we find ourselves in these situations. Like you said, maybe if somebody has a substance abuse issue, addiction, gambling, you never know what it into. But as a spouse, you want to clean it up. Yes. And for yourself. Yeah. Because you don't want people.

00:35:28:15 - 00:35:30:01
Speaker 2
Because the effects you do.

00:35:30:01 - 00:35:30:09
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:35:30:12 - 00:35:48:13
Speaker 2
Well I mean even if you think about gambling or something like that. Right. What now we have this debt. What do we do if I just let it go? It's going to melt in the mouth. So it's it's not as simple. I mean, some situations could seem simple. Okay, stop picking up their laundry or their dirty laundry and let them pick it up.

00:35:48:13 - 00:36:02:08
Speaker 2
Okay, fine. They may be eventually we'll do that. But when we're talking about bigger issues, those are things that that could devastate your family and devastate your life. So it can almost feel impossible to not clean up the mess. And it but it's.

00:36:02:08 - 00:36:04:16
Speaker 1
Important for you cleaning up the mess for a.

00:36:04:16 - 00:36:15:09
Speaker 2
While, all the time, like off and on throughout my marriage is what that's what I was doing. Some managing and making it go away and absolving it and like standing in the gaps so no one else felt it.

00:36:15:16 - 00:36:16:11
Speaker 1
Especially your kids.

00:36:16:11 - 00:36:25:28
Speaker 2
Especially mostly my kids. And when I started backing out of that, that is when everything hit the fan.

00:36:26:09 - 00:36:27:15
Speaker 1
When you weren't cleaning it up, when.

00:36:27:15 - 00:36:53:07
Speaker 2
I wasn't cleaning up anymore. And and it became obvious what needed to happen. Right. And it became obvious if this person was going to clean up the mess, they were not going to clean up the mess. And it was painful and obviously had painful repercussion. This and that, saying the stuff is easy, but it was necessary. And inside of that dynamic was so much on health and toxicity for me, for him and for our kids.

00:36:53:25 - 00:37:13:14
Speaker 2
And I know this is not everybody's story, but my story is, as we are two years out of this, people say all the time, you don't your kids aren't even the same kids because of the mouth health that they see growing in them. And I stayed and I cleaned up the mess for many years because I was so scared of how it would affect my kids.

00:37:13:14 - 00:37:41:27
Speaker 2
And I'm not saying it's been easy for them, but I am I do believe and I do think that as we start to become healthier ourselves, that is going to allow our kids to become healthier themselves because they're being modeled something that is good for them. And I remember my therapist was one I read a lot about boundaries and not doing that, but when you see it modeled from someone, it, it really seeks that.

00:37:41:27 - 00:37:46:16
Speaker 2
And she would do this because I knew she knew what I was. You know, she's my therapist. She sees this stuff all the.

00:37:46:16 - 00:37:49:01
Speaker 1
Time giving a scenario. She's we're all playing.

00:37:49:01 - 00:38:04:10
Speaker 2
I think one of the things that I would always do is she get me talking. And I was constantly watching the clock to make sure I stopped at the right time because I didn't want to go over. And so she even asked me a question and I say, do we have time for that? Because we'd be in close to time.

00:38:04:12 - 00:38:21:26
Speaker 2
Right. And and she would just be like, it is not your job to watch the clock. That's my job. Answer the question. And doing that like it's a small example, but it was one of those light bulb moments for me where I was like, she's she's the therapist, she's the doctor. She's asking the question and it's her time I'm offering.

00:38:21:26 - 00:38:42:27
Speaker 2
I'd talk for 5 hours, but she was showing me Jodi, that's my responsibility. Don't come in there. I mean, there's there's limitations to that example. Like, you probably wouldn't want to be the person who just gasps, whatever, and doesn't. But I was on the opposite side of that spectrum where I was so much over. I was so much more over responsible for other people than I was supposed to be being.

00:38:43:03 - 00:38:48:26
Speaker 2
And she was helping me see that by just modeling it for me. Like, don't watch that clock that clock is my you just talk.

00:38:49:05 - 00:39:08:21
Speaker 1
Because you weren't trusting that. I think that goes back to trust. Right. But you couldn't trust her to do her job. Yeah. You didn't trust. You can't trust your husband. Yeah. You're on your own trust even just so I think, like cleaning up comes from a place of. I don't trust. Yes. You to take care of it. Yeah, I don't want to get hurt.

00:39:08:21 - 00:39:09:18
Speaker 1
Yeah. So I'm going.

00:39:09:18 - 00:39:13:01
Speaker 2
To do up. You just took it right to the heart level. You know that.

00:39:13:05 - 00:39:17:23
Speaker 1
Like, I don't trust you to get that. I'm just going to do what I'm going to do your job. I'm going to do all the job.

00:39:18:04 - 00:39:18:20
Speaker 2
Yes.

00:39:18:20 - 00:39:37:27
Speaker 1
And then it's going to crush you eventually. Yeah. If you keep doing. Yes. So you're two years out now, the past year, you've been renovating the house even more now. Is that therapeutic to you? I mean, it's your work. Oh, yeah. But how did that help you get through? Did it help you just channel that energy?

00:39:38:10 - 00:39:55:16
Speaker 2
You know, it was a mixed bag for me because some of it was a little painful to be building in the same house that was a challenge for me. And I just I had a season outside of the marriage where I was just, like always walking around saying, I hate this house, I hate this house, I hate this house.

00:39:55:16 - 00:40:10:23
Speaker 2
But I knew I was supposed to stay. It made it make good sense for me to stay. So I had to just intentionally, you know, have compassion for myself, but be like, I know you hate this house, but you decided to stay, so let's not focus on that. Let's focus on where we want to go and let's go get there.

00:40:10:23 - 00:40:32:03
Speaker 2
Right? So stop stop being on this level right here. And let's move it up a little bit because I felt like I had the capacity to do that. But but one of the things that ended up being healing for me and I didn't realize it would be is the first build that I did in the house that Major Bill I at first it was painful because I was realizing everything we had done in the house we had done for us together.

00:40:32:15 - 00:40:56:06
Speaker 2
And this was the first thing I was doing for just me and that, but really sad in the beginning. But then as it went along and I started to I was beginning to start to realize my value in ways I hadn't before. That actually became part of that and making me realize, yes, you're just doing this for you and it's worth it and you're worth it and make it beautiful and make it a place you would love to be in.

00:40:56:12 - 00:41:16:15
Speaker 2
And that whole bill, because it was that bill was significant for me. It was the first time I was using the power tools was first I was doing all that, but I was building a new well bookshelf, but I was also building a new me. And from the start to the finish of that so much I felt like changed inside of me, which was very healing.

00:41:16:15 - 00:41:41:18
Speaker 2
And I will also say, whenever you're dealing with anything like depression or anxiety, I'm not professional, but this is how it felt to me whenever I was using my hands. Yes. Oh, that's so therapeutic. And so even just the fact of me getting into a project and doing that when I was struggling with depression, getting in, it was so hard and I would have to play these little mental games with myself where I'd say, okay, I'm setting the timer for 20 minutes, 10 minutes.

00:41:41:26 - 00:41:56:29
Speaker 2
I'm only going to do it for 10 minutes if I if that's all I can do. So I set the timer. I'm like, You can do this for 10 minutes, and when it's done, you don't have to do anymore. But once I got into it, I was good. And once I got into it, I felt better and I kind of knew that.

00:41:56:29 - 00:42:04:07
Speaker 2
So I'd set my timer and then it would go off. I'm like, Nope, I got this. But if I wanted to be done it for 10 minutes, I was letting myself be done with that.

00:42:04:07 - 00:42:22:26
Speaker 1
The first time that you'd ever actually done anything for yourself or like really thought, What is it that I want? Which is a scary place to be because yeah, you were one of 11, so you probably didn't really have like the opportunity to just do something the way you want to do. Zero. You got married young. Yeah. You had four, baby.

00:42:22:26 - 00:42:25:17
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah. Very back to back. Yes. And you were married?

00:42:25:17 - 00:42:26:01
Speaker 2
Yes.

00:42:26:05 - 00:42:35:27
Speaker 1
So like was that I imagine that's kind of a strange place to be. Did you discover some stuff about yourself, like maybe what you really liked and.

00:42:35:27 - 00:42:58:29
Speaker 2
Well, I felt at first I felt guilty so guilty to do things for myself, because not only was I let's take it all the way back to being a sibling of ten, I was the eight born with three directly underneath me. And I became I was known as the little mom. So as taking this role on even back then and I took care of these kids.

00:42:58:29 - 00:43:20:16
Speaker 2
I mean, I gave them lunch, made them lunch when I was young. I would discipline them. I literally remember sending the mean ones to timeouts. And, you know, that's I was very nurturing to them. So always in this role of caring for others. And so as I started to do things like that filled in, then I realized, Jody, you have value and it's worth it to spend time on that.

00:43:21:11 - 00:43:49:27
Speaker 2
At first it was difficult for my brain to even wrap itself around that and it felt like a bad thought, felt like I shouldn't be thinking that way. But it was it was more than just that self-worth piece of a lot of other pieces that came into play. And then from there to where I am, I recognize that there is a holistic kind of love that is very much towards your self that lives inside of you.

00:43:49:27 - 00:44:10:11
Speaker 2
And that kind of love is able to reach places and people that the kind of love I had before couldn't, if that makes sense. And I think it's a little confusing but but real. I couldn't love even what I wanted to do with like love and care for others. And I felt like I shouldn't spend time on myself because that's selfish or I don't have time to.

00:44:11:09 - 00:44:28:00
Speaker 2
So I was always kind of like trying to put out for others. But once I was able to take a step back, learned to value and love my self, love started to crawling inside of me and then spilled outside of you. Because once you are full of love, you can't help but let it out. And that is just a different kind of love.

00:44:28:07 - 00:44:42:04
Speaker 2
It's a love invites people into something that's beautiful and good and isn't maybe smothering, or it comes with strings attached, which is the kind of love that I was offering before. Yeah, so very interesting process. I have heard.

00:44:42:04 - 00:45:00:22
Speaker 1
People say that like you can't love until you love yourself and loving yourself is kind of a weird concept, but doing something like that, like, what do I want to do? I want to do for me. Yeah. And I think, like you're saying, it's transformational. You transform your heart and then everything else is transforming. So you're transforming your house.

00:45:00:24 - 00:45:27:17
Speaker 1
Yet at the same time, you're perfectly transforming. You have, I think, like you said, just being able to do things with your hands. I always go back to saying like part of the reason I love to DIY and do things is it's a sense of control. It's something you can control. Sure. Yeah. Right. Like if you're going through a divorce and you can't control how that person is going to parent when you're not around, you can't control how they're going to act towards you.

00:45:27:17 - 00:45:39:17
Speaker 1
And yeah, like I think one of the scariest parts of getting divorce, if I ever think about it, would be that part of control, like letting your kids go and like what's happening.

00:45:39:17 - 00:45:40:24
Speaker 2
Like not around. Oh, yeah.

00:45:41:10 - 00:45:48:19
Speaker 1
I think a lot of people say probably a bad situation because they'd rather deal with the situation and deal with the absence of control.

00:45:49:10 - 00:46:08:04
Speaker 2
I mean, a little bit to speak in that everybody's situation is different. But once I realized that I was managing husband's mess and I worked on that and I started making changes and that I started noticing I was doing the same thing for my kids and I was managing their mess, which isn't great for them at all. Right.

00:46:08:04 - 00:46:30:06
Speaker 2
We're we're trying we're trying to grow healthy, responsible adults here. And I'm not helping. And so one of the things in that was that level of control that I wanted to have over my kids. Right. And make sure that they were always safe and like that's not the right word, but like nothing would ever.

00:46:30:27 - 00:46:32:08
Speaker 1
You know, I'm going to be traumatized.

00:46:32:10 - 00:46:53:26
Speaker 2
I don't want them to have anything difficult in their lives. Yeah, that's probably the best way to say it. And so I'm trying to manage and control and managing control so they don't ever face any difficulties. It's not ultimately probably what's best for them. And so as I was able to release that a little bit and and really believe that at the end of the day we're going to be okay, I've only seen good from that.

00:46:54:16 - 00:46:56:03
Speaker 2
But again, that's my story now.

00:46:56:03 - 00:47:16:06
Speaker 1
I think I mean, your story and everything that you've been through because so many people that ended up bitter, angry, not been able to put them put their kids first and say, you know, we're going to do this kids centered focus, carry on with the things you have to decide to stay in the house and change your attitude towards that.

00:47:16:13 - 00:47:36:25
Speaker 1
So your story is such an inspiration of someone going through the thick of it right now. Who's going to hear this and go, okay, I'm going to make it, or I hate this house. Yeah, I've got all the memories of my husband. And now this life that I thought we were going to have is not there anymore. Yeah, you tell them.

00:47:36:25 - 00:47:51:18
Speaker 1
Paint a room. Do something you want to do in that house. Like, what would you tell them to make that house feel like it's going to be okay. Make a room just for you. Yeah. You're. You're asking them where everything you want to be, like something like that.

00:47:51:18 - 00:48:10:06
Speaker 2
I think that's a great idea. And especially if you feel overwhelmed. I love that you said just make just a room for yourself. I would focus on that sometimes, like just one space. I just want one space in my life right now that feels organic and clean and special. So I in the beginning of my divorce, I bought myself hours every single week.

00:48:10:06 - 00:48:31:17
Speaker 2
Every time I went out to the grocery store, I'm like, buy myself flowers because this brings me joy in and I need joy. So I put flowers in there and I keep continuing to inspire myself towards a higher good. I think often we we think of our lives as good or bad, but I like to think about it more.

00:48:31:17 - 00:48:55:01
Speaker 2
Like what? Good or bad, sure. But What could there be? Something that's better and best? And to aim for that, like I want to aim for the best here. And one question I would ask myself often what I was struggling with, things like bitterness or resentment. And then you just want to stay there, right? Or you want to make people pay or you think everyone should know this because then I would feel justified and all of the stuff is true.

00:48:55:09 - 00:49:12:14
Speaker 2
I would ask this question all the time. Where do these actions originate from the wants and desires and where are they headed? And I knew I would think it through. Do you remember? I said I would go on this walks and I would really think through this stuff and really crave through this stuff. Where's this coming from? Where's this coming from?

00:49:12:14 - 00:49:31:17
Speaker 2
A neat and if I do this, what are the future events going to be? And what? As I started to consider that, I decided to just choose the best friend I could possibly see. And I have this really quick story to share, which I felt it was just powerful for me because I do a lot of prayer and listening.

00:49:31:25 - 00:49:52:29
Speaker 2
And I remember I was so I was in this mode of just feeling so disappointed and angry at my ex. I was I felt abandoned. I was like, he left me with all of this mess to clean up the pieces. Right? And I was just angry. And I was downstairs in my basement sweeping my very, very vivid memories.

00:49:52:29 - 00:50:10:06
Speaker 2
I mean, just going through these thoughts like these angry thoughts. And I just had this this thought that came into my head that was like, are you going to partner with more evil over this person that already having a bad in their life? You want you want to be a part of that, too, even if it's just your thoughts.

00:50:10:06 - 00:50:24:13
Speaker 2
You want to you want to add more fuel to that fire that this person thought they didn't deserve this look at their lives. They already have enough to do it. You want to do that or do you want to partner with something different? You want to partner with life and love because it's your choice. You can do that.

00:50:24:20 - 00:50:41:26
Speaker 2
And it was just a very pivotal moment for me where I just decided, no, I don't. That person doesn't need any more death spoken over them. They don't. And I don't want to be that person. And so I decided to not do it just I mean, it wasn't perfect. And there were moments when I was angry and that took me a long time to not have those feelings.

00:50:42:03 - 00:50:49:06
Speaker 2
But the ultimate decision and how I chose to parent my kids and all of that was based upon what's the.

00:50:49:06 - 00:50:50:09
Speaker 1
Long.

00:50:50:09 - 00:51:02:03
Speaker 2
Long term goal, what's the best I can imagine? And even though I feel justified in this moment, I really don't want to partner with that for over this person. They don't need any more of that.

00:51:02:03 - 00:51:14:11
Speaker 1
Now, I think you focusing on the future where you wanted to go for healing, stuck in that anger that you're feeling that is so important. So speaking of moving forward, what is next for you?

00:51:14:21 - 00:51:41:14
Speaker 2
Yeah, I'm very, very excited about next. I, I had told myself I'm going to take care of Jodi and her kids first before I propel into the next season. And it's been two and a half years and I've taken my time to to hopefully do the work I needed to do. And I feel strong enough. And I say it has it took me because I've been blindsided where I'm, you know, like it's six months I might be facing with another bout of anxiety and I'll have to deal with that then.

00:51:41:21 - 00:52:02:23
Speaker 2
But I do feel like this is the right time to move into what's next for me and Husband Sugar. And I'm so excited because as much as I love to create beautiful exteriors, my real passion has always been interiors of our lives and ourselves. And so what I am currently doing is creating content all around that for people.

00:52:02:23 - 00:52:24:00
Speaker 2
So I can give tutorials. Yes, on how to make your house beautiful, but we're also focusing on other things like our aim, where is our focus and having the vision and the dream for something better. And some of these themes and topics that we've talked about, I'm actually putting together and then I'll be rolling them out and I want to share my story, not in the sense of I want to share my divorce.

00:52:24:00 - 00:53:08:13
Speaker 2
Right? Because that's private between what happened between me and my family. But how how did I get from being just completely stuck and devastated and even prior to my divorce, things were so dysfunctional inside of my my relationship that I couldn't even create clear thoughts. I remember being a season. It was almost a year where I couldn't barely speak or communicate what was inside of me because I was so broken and so I asked myself the question, how did I get from that place of complete brokenness where I felt like I lost myself to where I where I am now, where I feel full of confidence and freedom and joy.

00:53:08:13 - 00:53:30:18
Speaker 2
And I just feel unhinged to be able to do what I want to do. And I've kind of mapped it out a little bit and I want to start sharing that process, but more of my story because I know it's going to look different for everybody else, but I feel like I know people are going through things all the time and if we're not at this in time, we will or we know somebody who's going through something difficult.

00:53:30:26 - 00:53:42:10
Speaker 2
And if what I'm putting together might give somebody hope or give them a tool that they could try and see if it used for them, that excites me so very much so. That is what I'm currently working on.

00:53:42:13 - 00:53:47:21
Speaker 1
I love that about your journey. So everybody wants to say hi to you or check you out and find where can they find you?

00:53:48:00 - 00:53:56:27
Speaker 2
You can find me at House on a Sugar Hill that's on Instagram, or you can go on TikTok and find me a house on a sugar hill. Or you could go to WW w that house on sugar Health.com.

00:53:57:09 - 00:54:17:06
Speaker 1
Well, Jodie, I just want to thank you for being so open and vulnerable today and sharing some of those stories. And I know that you've encouraged and touched somebody or listening to Beth and just helping them get through the next day and knowing this is a phase. So be sure to follow Jodie so that you can keep up with more of her inspirational contact efforts.

00:54:17:07 - 00:54:23:05
Speaker 1
Contact, contact. And I love that you're doing that. I love it. So we're going to have to have you back on so often.

00:54:23:07 - 00:54:27:09
Speaker 2
Thank you so much for having me. Come on. Whatever. So but I love that.

00:54:27:09 - 00:54:29:09
Speaker 1
All right. Well, we'll catch you guys next time.