Psych Bytes with CCS is a weekly podcast hosted by Student Life Counseling and Consultation Service. This show is dedicated to discussing a wide range of topics pertaining to mental health commonly experienced in the college setting. It is important to note that this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. All of the topics on the show, while discussed by professionals are strictly psycho educational, and meant to inform listeners on available resources, skills and support. Topics on this show can be sensitive in nature. And should you find yourself needing additional support or resources, please visit ccs.osu.edu or call us at 614-292-5766. With that in mind, enjoy the show.
Josh Bailey:What is up everybody and welcome to Psych Bytes with CCS. My name is Josh and today we are once again joined by Mary DeCenzo, a licensed independent social worker who also holds an advanced certification in trauma care. Welcome back, Mary.
Mary DeCenzo:Thanks, Josh.
Josh Bailey:So today you and I are going to be talking about resiliency, and maybe a little more specifically, building resiliency. Right. To start off, I think the most obvious
question that I have for you is:what is resiliency?
Mary DeCenzo:Sure. So I see resiliency as a process and an outcome of successfully adapting to the difficult challenging experiences that we all face. I also feel like when we talk about resiliency, we're talking about a dip maybe in our level of functioning due to some kind of an adverse event. And really what resiliency is, is returning to, or even exceeding, that level of functioning that we had before something difficult happened. Exceeding that level is something that a lot of people find happens— you don't only like bounce back, but you can refer to it as bouncing forward, like coming back even farther than you were before this adverse event happened.
Josh Bailey:So almost like you kind of gain something from the experience?
Mary DeCenzo:Absolutely. Right.
Josh Bailey:Right.
Mary DeCenzo:Right.
Josh Bailey:What is an adverse event?
Mary DeCenzo:So adverse events can be lots of things. A lot of people experience a difficulty achieving a goal, or they feel as though a failure has occurred somehow. You know, that can be a class, right? It could also be just not attaining a goal, or being where they thought they would be at a certain point, or not getting into an organization that they wanted, or those kinds of things. So we can consider it a setback or rejection. Adverse events can also be the result of chronic stress, like people who are having trouble financially, right? It becomes really difficult to make ends meet. Some people may have to work a lot through school, because of some reason why finance, finances were setback. Or it can be a trauma. It can be the result of discrimination and ongoing types of discrimination for folks' identities. So there's lots of reasons and lots of things that we can call an adverse event.
Josh Bailey:Can we further highlight maybe why resiliency then is important?
Mary DeCenzo:Sure. You know, we're all going to encounter difficulty or adverse events in our lives. Those are going to impact accomplishing our goals and, and getting where we want to be. But resiliency is important because it doesn't mean that that has to stop or end and a lot of times people feel like they've failed, they've encountered this setback, and that means that they won't get to where they want to be. But resiliency and developing resiliency, again, helps you get back to that spot and helps you even maybe move further and "bounce forward" as we say.
Josh Bailey:Let's then go ahead and get into the meat of this. Let's talk about how someone builds resiliency. So how do I start?
Mary DeCenzo:Okay. So resiliency really begins with hope. And there is a theory called the science of hope that is very evidence based, and it's a great approach to building resiliency, there's steps that you can take. So, the formula, right? For the science of hope,
Josh Bailey:Okay. if you want to call it the science of hope, that "hope formula," so to speak, has three parts. It includes: goals, agency, and pathways. And you can remember those pretty easily by just thinking of "GAP", G-A-P, goals. Not the clothing outlet.
Mary DeCenzo:Right. Not Gap. Right
Josh Bailey:Got it. Right. All right. So let's define those a little bit. If you want to talk about,
okay:how do I define a goal? How do I define agency? How do I define a pathway?
Mary DeCenzo:Okay, so let's start with a goal. A goal needs to be something that's an authentic desire. If we really want to attain it, right? Something we strongly want to create in our lives, not something that we feel we should do, or we have to do, or we're supposed to do, or someone else has told us to do. Right? If we don't— if we think that way we're not going to be as hopeful. When our goal energizes us, that's when we move towards it. Agency is really the extent to which we believe we have the ability to influence making our future goal a reality. It's like our power, right? Think of our agency as our sense of personal power. Without agency, we might feel stuck, hopeless. When our agency is high, we believe we have what it takes to reach our goals. And then pathways is really— I think of it as options. Optionality. Many different routes to reaching our goals. If there's only one path, we're going to feel a lot of pressure, because something might go wrong with that path. There might be a roadblock there, right? If we can identify countless paths, it's a lot easier to feel hopeful about reaching your goals. It doesn't matter if there's some road construction along the way, right, there's going to be plenty of other detours, paths that we can take. And maybe our timeline might be off a little bit. But I think it's important to remember when we talk about goals and agency and pathways that it's not a race, it's not who gets there first. It's about, it's about getting there. It's about achieving what you want to achieve.
Josh Bailey:If I'm going to surmise that, then the goal is the destination.
Mary DeCenzo:Yeah.
Josh Bailey:That's the target. My agency is, more or less, my own belief in myself, my ability to get to that destination. And then pathways, of course, are the different routes— my GPS— to get me there, right. So when I'm looking at my Google Maps, right, it's like, Hey, you can take this path, you'll get there in 30 minutes, but here when I take this alternative route, it's gonna be an hour, but hey, you'll still get there.
Mary DeCenzo:Exactly.
Josh Bailey:Okay.
Mary DeCenzo:Yeah.
Josh Bailey:How am I develop achievable, or even more achievable, goals, agency of self, pathways?
Mary DeCenzo:One option, right, would be to attend the Passion
Over Perfect:Developing Resiliency workshop that I offer through CCS.
Josh Bailey:Fantastic.
Mary DeCenzo:Which is our drop in workshop here, this fall semester, and that's on Thursdays at 4pm.
Josh Bailey:Thursdays at four o'clock. How do people— do people just show up? Do you register for it? What do you do?
Mary DeCenzo:You don't have to register. That's what we call them a drop in workshop. So you can go to our CCS webpage and we have a section there for "On Demand Services." And under "On Demand Services," we have "Drop In Workshops." And these are workshops that you don't have to register for. You can just show up, whether they're in person or Zoom link. My workshop, Passion Over Perfect, is a zoom link, so you can just drop in on any Thursday that— except Thanksgiving, right? So anything during the academic year, as we call it, right?
Josh Bailey:Okay.
Mary DeCenzo:So yeah, and just give a listen and learn more details. But what I'll try to do is summarize that workshop, and some key points of it, right? There'll be more if you attend. But yeah, so a few tips, right, on how to boost "goal power," right, we'll call it maybe.
First is:give yourself permission to dream bigger. This is difficult for a lot of people. When we really think about our dreams and envision where we want to be, sometimes we'll begin to feel worry and fear. Some of the most common types of worry and fear about attaining our goal is maybe from judgment of others. Maybe we feel deep down inside that maybe we're not worthy of this, like,"What would someone think if I told them this goal?" You know? Maybe they would question if I have what it takes to get there. What that means is that you question what it takes to get there. And that's what this process is all about. So one of the things we want to remember is to, to think about that. And if we find ourselves worrying about that fear of judgment, there are a couple of points that that I like to make. There from a couple of my favorite quotes. The first is,"comparison is the thief of happiness," right?
Josh Bailey:Okay, yeah.
Mary DeCenzo:So yeah, when we compare ourselves to others, and when we worry about what others think of us, and we compare where we are to where they are, what we have to what they have, that doesn't set us up for anything positive, right? It will take away our happiness. And the other is, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." And so think about the people that you share your goals and your hopes and your dreams with. And if they're not supportive of that, think about, do they really matter in my life? Maybe I'm going to consider them an acquaintance more than a friend, you know? And the people who are there for you who really matter— they're going to support you. They're not going to mind, they're not going to laugh, they're not going to judge you.
Josh Bailey:Right.
Mary DeCenzo:So fear of change is also something that prevents people from dreaming big, and questioning their goals, because goals are generally a change, right? And so, learning how to work outside of your comfort zone. And there's a lot of ways that you can do that. And we'll talk a bit more about that in the workshop too. So, ways to just begin stretching outside of your comfort zone when it comes to change, overall. Fear of disappointment, right? Like, again, that questioning yourself, what if I fail? What if I'm never gonna get there? What if I make a mistake? And again, I go back to another one of my favorite quotes by Miles Davis, the jazz musician, he said, "Don't fear mistakes, there are none." And it really begins to be thinking of making a mistake as a learning process. You know, it's like all the all the great scientists that have come up with discoveries learned from mistakes. They didn't get it right the first time.
Josh Bailey:Right.
Mary DeCenzo:They built upon what they knew didn't work in order to get to what they knew what worked. So I think that's a very important piece to remember.
Josh Bailey:Bob Ross was always good about that, too. Like"happy little accidents," right?
Mary DeCenzo:That's exactly right. Yeah. Happy little accident. I could just see him painting like a road and pathways. Just a happy little detour, right? Yeah. So a few tips to boost your agency, right? Your feeling of personal power to achieve your goals.
The first is:lots of times your goal might feel too big. And that's not a bad thing, right? It's just different from where you are now. And that change becomes tricky. And fear can kind of get magnified, this feels like it's just too big. And it's just too much, it's too much to do. Think about it as— just like if you're facing a big task, a big assignment that you have— break it down into smaller parts. And think about step one, step two, step three, right? It doesn't have to be one huge step, then you will fear it, right? So break it down into small parts. Also, remember that you're only seeing your goal in the energy that you're sitting in today. So renewing your energy every day is really important. And I think that's a very important point to consider that, when we think about our future goal— yeah, it takes a lot to get there. But the energy that you came with this morning, and so we renew our energy every night when we sleep. So getting good sleep, hoping for about seven to nine hours of sleep is a good way to renew energy. Of course, when you're worried about something, that's hard to do, right? Again, we've got some great drop-in workshops that Dr. Patel, our psychiatrist Dr. Ryan Patel, does, that talks about actually, all of these points I'm going to make. Eating well, getting good sleep, exercise and moving— those are all things that you can do and that will renew your energy. And you know, eating well, I won't go into details about that, he does a great job in that workshop.
Josh Bailey:Yeah.
Mary DeCenzo:We've also got wellness services on campus that someone can meet with a nutritionist and talk about,"How can I really bring more healthy food into my diet to give me more energy more mental energy," right? Sustain my mental energy. Moving and exercising— most students walk a lot. Right. Between classes and, but— and so that is helpful, but if it's even possible to aim for, like maybe 20 minutes a day of additional walking or some form of physical activity that you like. You know, maybe it's picking up a basketball and shooting some hoops. It could be you know, inviting a friend to do something physical with you, taking a quick class, those kinds of things. But I know everyone's schedule is tight, but it doesn't have to be big. It can be like walking 15 minutes after you eat dinner, like that goes a long way to help provide energy. Deep breathing, taking nice slow, deep breaths, just stopping and thinking about doing that, brings more oxygen into your bloodstream, and that can renew your energy. Things like metal tation and mindfulness— we've got a great yoga drop in workshop that we offer at CCS this fall— all of those things can be helpful. And last, ask yourself like,"What do I need? What do I feel I need to boost my energy?" For some people that's space. For other people, it's the opposite of personal space, it's more interaction. They feed off of others energy.
Josh Bailey:That's mine.
Mary DeCenzo:Yeah. Okay. And me too. And some people, it drains them. That's not my experience. But I understand that because they hear that a lot. People talk about their social battery's just run low.
Josh Bailey:It's usually the people hanging around.
Mary DeCenzo:We're the trainer. So yeah, do— "Am I hungry?" Right? "What does my body need right now?" So that can help, too.
Last tip would be:Really take stock in what is in your control. And focus on that. And don't give your time and energy to what is not in your control, or much of it. Particularly when it comes to other people's behaviors and thoughts. They have the ultimate control over that. We don't. We might try to influence that, but we have to realize that's not in our control. And you don't want to expend too much time and energy on that. Save it for what is in your control and go for that. Focus ruthlessly on what's in your control is what I say. There's a few tips to boost pathways, right? Remember, the more that we have, the better, the more attainable, our goal is going to feel. And again, go back to there's not just one way, and it doesn't have to be one way, the right way. Brainstorm pathways from A to Z if you can, honestly. You know, it's not just plan A and plan B and Plan C. Think about keeping a list of ways. Think about it often, it doesn't have to be just one time that you sit down to do this, right? Try to take some time to think about it a few times a week. And make as many as you can. As you experience new and different things every day, you might get a new idea. So get a list of pathways, as many as you can, as many of those redirects, right? Those alternative paths, like you were talking about. When you know you've got a lot of ways to hit your target, then your hope is really going to skyrocket. And another tip is "Mental Contrasting." This is simply visualizing at your goal. Use your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear when you've reached your goal? Who's there with you? What are they saying? Anything you smell? What it will feel like physically to you? Put yourself in that space. Then think about yourself in the reality of where you are right now, as it relates to the goal. That might be feeling like you're taking steps back, and that's okay, you are. But what doing that helps you do is— likely when you do that, and you kind of contrast those two things mentally in quick succession— it's going to give you ideas about what you need to do to get there. Say, here's where I am, here's, here's where I want to be. And those pieces can appear more naturally and easily.
Josh Bailey:And sounds like something that I use a lot with clients that are working on goals. I oftentimes ask them, and it's actually written on my dry erase board here, I point to it a lot, but it's, "What do you want? What are you doing to get it? Is it working? Right? You ask those questions, in that order—
Mary DeCenzo:Yeah.
Josh Bailey:And if you come up to a roadblock, or you come to an answer of like, you know,"What do I want?" If you can define that, you're allowed to move on, then, to, "What am I doing to get it to action?" steps, right?
Mary DeCenzo:Right.
Josh Bailey:Then I can define those things about those pathways you were talking about. And then I can ask myself, "Is it working?" And if it's not, then I need to consider another route. Right? So I go back to question number two, "What am I doing to get it?" Try again. So on and so forth.
Mary DeCenzo:Yes, right. Perfect. Absolutely. That's exactly what we're talking about.
Josh Bailey:All right.
Mary DeCenzo:Yes.
Josh Bailey:What are some mistakes that one might come across?
Mary DeCenzo:Yeah. So when we talk about this "signs of hope,""building hope," right? Which is a piece of resiliency, it's a large piece of resiliency. It's really different from just wishing, like, "Oh, cross my fingers," you know? Or cheerleading, so to speak. Right? Or, you know, I think of Annie, the Broadway show, Annie."The sun will come out tomorrow," right? You know, positive thinking— while negative thinking doesn't get us anywhere— that alone isn't going to help, right? It's positive thoughts and inspired actions. That's what's provides hope. Right? That's what gets you to your goal. I think the other mistake is failures, mistakes, adverse life events, are nothing to be ashamed of. You know, I think about, maybe, one example might be a student who has really struggled to get to college.
Josh Bailey:Yeah.
Mary DeCenzo:Maybe financially, things weren't easy. They don't have someone paying their way. Maybe they have to take a year and work first, right? Maybe they don't have the availability of some of the things that some other students have that might— that they might feel make it easier, could make it easier, right? Look at strengths, right? Look at the strengths that that type of adversity— that is a form of adversity, right?— has helped you build. I really believe that employers—that's what most everyone's here for, right? We're, we're focused on careers. That's why we're here. And so employers want people who know how to solve problems. If something has gone very easily and smoothly for someone, and they get into their place of employment, you know, put in a year or sell it something big happens, right? A setback happens, maybe to their whole team. Employers want people who know how to manage setbacks, who know how to solve problems that come up like this, right? Not who just kind of fell apart. And sometimes that happens, sometimes people who haven't experienced much adversity, don't know how to deal with that. And that can really affect their work their team's work. So think of this as, instead of deficits or things that didn't go easily for you, think of it as, "This is what's helped me build skills, I know how to manage when things don't go right the first time, I know how to think about alternative paths, and how to keep myself motivated to get there." So there's a lot of strength and character building in adversity. So I think that's a mistake that people think, "Oh, hey, I had to take this semester off, for this reason or another. No one's gonna want— you know, someone's gonna look at that on my transcript and they're not gonna want to hire me." No, no, you can really frame that differently. And think about the strengths that you built during the time, maybe, that you had setbacks.
Josh Bailey:Alright, that's a fun way to think about it. Adversity is a personal and professional developmental task.
Mary DeCenzo:Yes it is. We're all gonna face it. Yeah, more than once, many times. And yeah, we need to know how to bounce forward, right?
Josh Bailey:Thank you so much for joining us again today. I really appreciated this. I thought this was really interesting. And you gave a nice sneak peek into your workshop, which I'm going to plug one more time. So Passionate Over
Perfect:Developing Resiliency. On Thursdays at four o'clock, go to our website, www.ccs.osu.edu. Check out our "Services" tab, drop in workshops, register for it. Show up, drop in, learn some stuff. Again, Mary, thank you very much. And to our listeners, thank you very much for joining us today. Keep your eyes peeled for our next episode. Take care of yourselves and until next time, I'm Josh and this is Psych Bytes with CCS.