So far on this podcast, we have focused on helping people not care so much so that it doesn’t interfere with their everyday life. Well, we’re throwing you a curveball - my friend, Nick, is a warrior having and still recovering from early drug addiction and psychosis. His story and struggles of deviating from the ‘normal’ path of a school-aged kid to getting his ‘shit’ together and start caring about what eventually mattered - himself is amazing. He had to take care of himself in order to take care of the most important person in his life, his young son. With a new lease on life and a mission of getting his body and mind right, Nate obtained his certificate for personal training, started working with at-risk youth, and forged a partnership with a professional counselor. With all those irons in the fire, he still has room for teen court and youth summer camp. With one book under his belt, Nate has just finished his second one. He is a big believer that it is the intervention that God has put in front of some of his youth and, hopefully, his bond, resources, and sharing his journey will assist some of them to make better choices. Great job Nick!
Would you believe that a traumatic childhood encounter could spark a life-threatening addiction? Prepare to be taken on a rollercoaster of emotions as our guest, Nate, courageously opens up about his harrowing journey from trauma to triumph. Listen in as Nate paints a vivid picture of his downward spiral, from casual marijuana use to the deadly grip of crystal meth, and how it wrecked his life. Hear his raw account of hitting rock bottom and the pivotal moment that sparked his desire for recovery. Through rehab interventions and dealing with the pain of losing friends, Nate recounts his brave fight against the chains of addiction and his journey toward recovery.
But it's not all doom and gloom, our conversation gracefully transitions into an insightful discussion on mentoring children. The world of a child is a complex one, filled with various priorities, developing brain functions, and influences both genetic and environmental. As mentors, how can we effectively guide them? This is where the power of motivational interviewing comes in. By helping the child find their own answers, we can better understand what's really going on beneath the surface. Take part in this enlightening exploration of young minds as we discuss how to comprehend, connect, and care for them in the best way possible. This episode is not just a tale of recovery but a rich exploration of understanding and nurturing the future generation
NATE'S FIRST BOOK...
So far on this podcast, we have focused on helping people not care so much so that it doesn’t interfere with their everyday life. Well, we’re throwing you a curveball - my friend, Nick, is a warrior having and still recovering from early drug addiction and psychosis. His story and struggles of deviating from the ‘normal’ path of a school-aged kid to getting his ‘shit’ together and start caring about what eventually mattered - himself is amazing. He had to take care of himself in order to take care of the most important person in his life, his young son. With a new lease on life and a mission of getting his body and mind right, Nate obtained his certificate for personal training, started working with at-risk youth, and forged a partnership with a professional counselor. With all those irons in the fire, he still has room for teen court and youth summer camp. With one book under his belt, Nate has just finished his second one. He is a big believer that it is the intervention that God has put in front of some of his youth and, hopefully, his bond, resources, and sharing his journey will assist some of them to make better choices. Great job Nick!
Would you believe that a traumatic childhood encounter could spark a life-threatening addiction? Prepare to be taken on a rollercoaster of emotions as our guest, Nate, courageously opens up about his harrowing journey from trauma to triumph. Listen in as Nate paints a vivid picture of his downward spiral, from casual marijuana use to the deadly grip of crystal meth, and how it wrecked his life. Hear his raw account of hitting rock bottom and the pivotal moment that sparked his desire for recovery. Through rehab interventions and dealing with the pain of losing friends, Nate recounts his brave fight against the chains of addiction and his journey toward recovery.
But it's not all doom and gloom, our conversation gracefully transitions into an insightful discussion on mentoring children. The world of a child is a complex one, filled with various priorities, developing brain functions, and influences both genetic and environmental. As mentors, how can we effectively guide them? This is where the power of motivational interviewing comes in. By helping the child find their own answers, we can better understand what's really going on beneath the surface. Take part in this enlightening exploration of young minds as we discuss how to comprehend, connect, and care for them in the best way possible. This episode is not just a tale of recovery but a rich exploration of understanding and nurturing the future generation
NATE'S FIRST BOOK...
Welcome everybody out there to a tentative while oblivious podcast. We have Nate on the mic and his son is here too. He's just hanging out back there behind the monitors. This episode number 33, we have a special subject today, so Nate is recovering.
Speaker 2:Recovering recovered drug addict.
Speaker 1:Drug addict. He has a couple of programs. He's going to go into his story and tell what he does, and then we're going to talk about that, caring, non-caring, how to keep the straight and narrow from there. So take it away, nate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my story you want me to just go from child to child. My story starts when I was younger. I had good parents, grew up in a I guess you would call it pretty functional and average household. Great mom, great dad Had something that happened to me when I was younger. My babysitter had attempted to molest me and it didn't go as far as it could have, but it went far enough to leave its mark.
Speaker 1:So that was a trigger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So she told me to keep it a secret and she put her finger in my face. She said don't tell anybody about this. And so from that point on, that kind of just carrying that baggage and carrying that in the back of your mind and your subconscious just weighed me down more than I thought it did. I actually I just had blocked it out for myself. I didn't know what happened. I was protecting myself from it, i guess, and doing what she told me to to keep it a secret. So even for myself.
Speaker 2:But yeah, years go by, still pretty normal on average, you know, i'm probably doing a little bit of attention seeking in school and acting out a little bit and class clowning, so normal stuff. Yeah, i'm just a little bit of just a boy being a knucklehead, you know. And then I start to get into I find weed when I'm 14 years old and I smoke at once and I just get hooked on it. Man, i start smoking every day, freshman year, ditching school and grades start to fall, still doing football, still doing some sports. That's kind of keeping me out of trouble and I'm still still doing okay, i guess.
Speaker 2:But you know definitely flirting with with bad decisions, making bad decisions. Sophomore year comes. I tried mushrooms for the first time. I start drinking a little more, i get a little bit of legal trouble. I've been busted smoking weed. I get busted at school playing with a toy gun one of my friends toy guns during Halloween And so that was after.
Speaker 1:You know school shootings and all that, they just, they just started. Yes.
Speaker 2:So they were real quick to bust me on that And so, yeah, i tried mushrooms. And then that summer, transitioning into junior year, i tried cocaine for the first time, and that's when things really started to go downhill. Went back to school and was doing okay, but partying a lot more and lots more drugs are around. And then I'm looking for cocaine one day and the guy comes back and he says I can't get cocaine, but I can get a crystal for you, crystal meth, and I'd never tried it before. A lot of my friends had tried it and I told myself and told them I was never going to try it, but I was like I just, you know, i got this curiosity.
Speaker 1:Just one time.
Speaker 2:Just one time Yep, And I try it, and the rest is the rest is history. Man, My life just starts going downhill. You don't really realize it's happening when it's happening.
Speaker 2:But you know, within nine months I was in rehab, dropped out of school, and my life was just in a whirlwind and I had injected too. I started injecting, so I went to an outpatient treatment and then they said they were going to send me to rehab because I couldn't quit. And when I learned I was going to rehab, i said well, i'm just going to start shooting up because, you know, maybe rehab will fix me and I won't have to worry about it. Just go ahead and just get this over with. Yeah, yeah, i'm shooting up at 17 years old, dropped out of school, get out of rehab, and I make it about two. Well, i make it about five hours before I'm smoking weed and then make it about two weeks before I'm shooting up again.
Speaker 2:And It just keeps getting worse. And you know, you get those little, you get these little interventions in life and these opportunities To get better. Rehab was one of them and if you choose not to take advantage of that, it just gets worse and it's almost. It's just. That's the, that's the way of. I don't know the way God does it.
Speaker 1:He says almost like a rest up. Like a rest up that you have a chance to rest, but you get back on the road.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and it just gets worse. It's a progressive disease. So it's a progressive brain disease. So, yeah, my friends started dying suicides. My best friend hung himself and then ten days later, a girl I'd grown up with dies in a drinking and driving accident. Two months later, a kid I had known since kindergarten shoots himself. I had suicide attempts, i mean just So much worse than than what it was before. So that's all traumatic and I don't handle that very well.
Speaker 2:I go into a really bad psychosis. There's a point where I stayed awake for about two weeks or so and Wasn't eating or drinking very much water or anything, drinking alcohol, if anything, but something. Something switched in my brain and That's when I went into psychosis and that was a whole another set of problems right there. So I'm in psychosis and I have to deal with that and I have to deal with the addiction. And so that's when, you know, my suicide attempts Happened and you know, i tried cutting my throat with a razor blade, had a gun on my mouth. So I start kind of getting it together after a while, because I get my first felony, and And After my first felony I was like all right, i need to slow down a little bit, didn't? I didn't get clean, but I slowed down, i tried to get a job and I was just trying to function and At that time you were your 20s. Let's see, i was 19, going on 20.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yep. So then I get a DUI because I'm drinking more, because I'm not using drugs. Yeah, i figure well replace it. Yeah, it should be the best alcoholic I can be. So I do that and that You know it doesn't help very much, obviously. But I pick up this job painting houses, and so that keeps me busy enough during the summer that I'm starting to Make some improvements. My mental health is improving. Things are kind of coming together.
Speaker 2:Not great, still drinking, but Not great. But then winter hits and you don't paint houses in the winter in Colorado, so you have time on your hands. Got too much time on my hands and that's when I pick up another felony and I get a little more jail time and then You know I'm kind of dealing with that through the whole winter and By the time summer hits on back painting houses, i'm staying out of trouble at towards the end of summer. Let's see I was. I was 20 years old and I try heroin for the first time and heroin didn't aggravate my Psychosis like the meth did, so I. It was more tolerable.
Speaker 1:Yes, Wow because it.
Speaker 2:It almost medicated the psychosis, if anything, because it kind of bring, brought me down a little bit okay. But I'm able to. Just you know, i try at once that I'm kind of staying away from it because I still got to go to work, i still got to do this. But then winter comes again and I don't have any work, i don't have anything to do. So I start doing heroin a lot and I'm on probation. At this point I have a lot to lose and that's when I get my second DUI.
Speaker 2:So two felonies to do I she fell on these two DUIs During this time frame is when I have another friend that hangs himself and then a month later I have another friend that dies in a. It was a suicide, it looked like, but it was a drinking and driving thing Drinking, driving, a suicide. So I'm not holding it together real well and I start missing probation appointments and I pick up my second DUI and Something happened when I picked up that second DUI. They were talking about throwing me in prison and that's you know. That scared me and When I went back to jail on sentencing for that, i got out and I just started making better decisions. I was still drinking, but the hard drugs it stops. So hard drugs were done. I pick up well, i'm working about 15 hours a day. I'm doing four or five hours for free in the morning doing community service for my probation.
Speaker 2:And then I go to Domino's, work a couple hours there, and then I go work at the restaurant at night.
Speaker 1:So you're busy as hell.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was great, It was great it was the best thing.
Speaker 1:Keep you out of trouble. Yeah, I needed it.
Speaker 2:Because when I was a tweaker, i mean I was going you know what do I do? What do I do? Yeah, 48 hours at a time before I crash. So you know, working 15 hours a day. so it was great. So I function like that for a couple of years. I get with my ex and have my son right here, and that was the best thing that ever could have happened to me, because when I broke up with my ex, then you know I had potential to drink a lot, but because I had him, i was accountable to him.
Speaker 1:Something to live for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So still staying clean, still drinking though, and when I don't have him, I'm drinking more. And you know, i function like that for about six or seven years. And I end up leaving my cooking job and I work in a sheet metal shop, not really happy there, but I find the gym, and the gym added a whole nother component to my life that I didn't know existed. So I'm going to the gym and I decide I want to go to personal training school because I'm not happy in the sheet metal shop, so still drinking though. And so I get laid off from the sheet metal shop because I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not really engaged, not really enjoying it, i'm not really working as hard as I could be, my attendance wasn't great. And they find out I'm going to personal training school.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that played a part but I get laid off and I start the drinking picks up a little more. Still going to school, but drinking picks up And so I'm not using any drugs but I'm hanging around a crowd that's pretty sketchy and dangerous, you know gang members, you know biker gang sense of silence, i mean really everybody, serenials, whatever, so still in pretty risky behavior, you know. And then I pick up what would have been my third DUI And that one got me because I'd had my son and I knew that if I had to go to jail I would have a very hard time forgiving myself if I had to leave him, you know. But it gets dropped because the cop was out of his jurisdiction.
Speaker 1:So I decided that As a sign.
Speaker 2:Yes, and that was so like I was talking about before. You get those opportunities and those interventions in your life that God puts there. He says, hey, you can take advantage of this, this is an opportunity to quit, and I've blown all those off before, but that case getting dropped. I was like I'm not going to blow this off anymore And so I make the decision to just be a different man. And that's when the beginning of my rest, the rest of my life, started. So I got involved. I got my personal training certificate at finished school. Wasn't really sure what I wanted to do, couldn't get hired at Gold's Gym or 24 hour fitness, because they said I wasn't enough of a salesman. I was like, well, what am I going to do? And so I decided to work for myself and I get involved in this business conference and they talk about publishing books And I'm like, well, i've got a story to tell, so let's put out a book, let's talk about the book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my first book-. The first book yeah, yeah, first book came out, jesus like four years ago. Wow, right before COVID.
Speaker 1:Right before COVID man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, And that was great man, That's just. It feels pretty cool to write a book.
Speaker 1:It was almost like another kid.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it just it sparked ideas for other books too, and so I'm working on the second book now. Well, i finished it. It's coming back from the editor here soon, and then I'll have to have to figure out how I want to market it and all that. But that's kind of where I'm at now. I got a program working with At-Res Youth, kids, equal Life.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the program. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:So let's see, this started about five years ago And started out where I was just networking. Like I said, i couldn't find a job at 24 Hour Fitness or Gold Gym, so I just started networking And I was like, well, i want to share my fitness journey with others who need it, and share it with kids to try to give them another resource, and so I'm trying to figure out how to make a program out of this, how I can make a living out of this.
Speaker 2:I'm networking, going, you know, doing some volunteer work anywhere I can get it going to all these, you know, community meetings.
Speaker 1:Spend a good trip putting the door.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly, so I finally get an opportunity. My friend Heidi comes up to me one day and she says hey, i got these kids coming through Teen Court And you know they have some pretty petty charges like possession of marijuana, but they're at really high risk. They have a lot of trauma And they mention that they want to go to the gym and that they just need a positive male role model in their life. I'm like sign me up. And so that's kind of where it all started, started with two kids. I still remember them Just taking them to the gym and working out with them and trying to you know, trying to keep them off a smoking weed, at least till they got out of teen court.
Speaker 2:But More kids started getting referred to me and I was working out with them. And then I made a partnership with a licensed professional counselor. He's like, well, let's add the the therapeutic side to it, and so we started doing that and Since then he stepped back and moved back to Arizona. But my mom has stepped in as my business partner and she kind of kept our program going when we needed someone licensed to oversee everything. And so we we're an activity based program and We offer therapy and mentorship and we're running a summer camp program now And we're just trying to give more resources to the kids to to keep them out of trouble and we want to share some of our experiences That we went through and and hopefully they can take a page out of our playbook to keep themselves out of trouble.
Speaker 1:So you know this. This, this podcast, concerns itself with the care, not care thing. How can that be applied to when your mentor kids, where they think that something is important but it's not really important, or or maybe they are Priorities or misplaced?
Speaker 2:That's a tough one, because kids have totally different priorities than adults. Yeah and when you're at that age, it's It's it's natural and it's important that you bond with people, because relationships are important to being a healthy human. The trouble is, when you bond with unhealthy people, then unhealthy things happen, correct? so that's kind of what we We see on a daily basis, and Then, of course, their, their brain, isn't fully developed so that.
Speaker 2:Prefrontal cortex is not functioning and so they don't get that. You know They need to prioritize going to school and doing their homework over hanging out with their friends and smoking pot. They don't see the end result right and they don't think five years down the road how things are gonna play out. So that's. We like to challenge their thinking with that, and We use a lot of motivational interviewing. I don't know if you're familiar with that at all. What is that? It's basically asking them a lot of open-ended questions and then, when they answer, you reflect their answers back to them, and so they it's. It's very what I want to say, it's Self-efficient or it is very Dependent on Their, their willingness to want to engage got you, which is challenging sometimes if they don't want to engage, but it's basically, you know.
Speaker 2:The whole theory behind it is Whatever answer they're looking for to correct their lives is already within them. We have to ask the right questions for them to You know the draw it out. Yeah, and so we'll ask a lot of open-ended questions, get them talking and then when we find thinking errors or contradictions contradictions in their thinking we reflect it back to them without being offensive or anything, but you know to challenge them, be like.
Speaker 2:well, i hear you say you know you want a better life, you want your parents to get off your back, you want to stay out of jail, but here's what you're doing, here's your behaviors and here's what you're telling me about your perspective on those behaviors, and so that kind of gets them thinking rationally a little bit.
Speaker 1:You know what, you know what really kind of amazes me that When kids get in the trouble, adults Who have never experienced that, they always think it's like a kid, you know who, who only has like a mom or Maybe a dad at home. But, like you said, you came from a great home and and And and you went down the rabbit hole anyway. And so how does how does that speak to to other people out there with with with a great home, you know, you know, talk to people who have have that have all the chance in the world, and still it goes on a rabbit hole.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no one's except from it, especially when it comes to drug addiction and things like that. And there's a lot of things that play into behavioral issues and addiction Childhood trauma, you know, absent parent, parent who's incarcerated, parent who's addicted, whatever those definitely. I mean that definitely is a part. But that's not the only thing that causes drug addiction. It's a genetic. So if you have a parent who's now called you and a grandparent, uncle, something, if it's in the family, it could, you know, be passed down somehow. Genetics. And we got the environment too, and so we're not just talking about the environment at home. But who's your kid hanging out with on a daily basis? you know, if those kids are involved with things and your kid is in that environment, and that's gonna be a risk factor for him too, even if he comes from a great home. And all this doesn't matter, doesn't matter. And There's a lot of kids who I can remember.
Speaker 2:My mom set me up with this lawyer when I had my I think it was my second felony and You know he was. He was helping me out, but he was also trying to help me personally and he was doing his best, the best he knew how, but He sat me down one day and he said you know, nate, you really need to. There's no reason for you to be engaging these behaviors And you know, i would understand if you had a dad who wasn't there or something, but you just you shouldn't be doing this and I don't. It just pissed me off back. Thanks, i wasn't ready to hear that. Yeah, so you know that.
Speaker 1:Reminded me of, or it made me think This guy doesn't really know everything I've been through.
Speaker 2:So, even though everything's okay on the outside, he has no clue. I have to me my childhood, or You just, you never know, man, there's. There's stuff that happens in people's lives and You never know what happens. You know, i'm not sure what happens. No, man, there's. There's stuff that happens in people's lives and you never know what it is, or even if it's something that seems small, you don't know what it means to them or what, how it struck their emotions.
Speaker 1:So there's something like that Guides you in helping others. You know, you just don't take it for granted, say hey, You need to stop doing that. But you know there's always something behind the scenes happening, Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I was talking with one of our therapists and she said The right thing said at the wrong time is not helpful, you know, or it could potentially even be damaging. So that he was totally right. Yeah, you know, i agree now with what he had to say, but I just wasn't ready for it because there was still issues that I had had that weren't dealt with.
Speaker 1:And so then, how do you not do that?
Speaker 2:coming from your perspective, Listen, ask questions, build rapport, and once you have someone's trust, then that's when you can maybe throw some. Some Advice only works so much, and You have to be very tactful with how you give advice, and this is something I try to use in my mentoring. So, like I said, getting rapport is huge. If you don't have the trust of someone you're working with, they're not gonna hear a word you say. So you got to have trust with them. You have to qualify yourself as a person who knows what they're talking about in their eyes, and so that's done by just a lot of dialogue and that's gonna help that.
Speaker 1:You've been through it, you've been through the storm. I talked to people I'm divorced and I Really think sometimes, can a therapist be a good divorce therapist if they've never been divorced? You know, and I know they can sure, but there's always that little thing the back of my mind. You know, can a drug and alcohol counselor be a good drug and alcohol counselor if they never been a druggy or you know? So that's, that's always that little, that little guy on my shoulder.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's. There is something to be said for that and what I actually talked about this last week with my mom and one of Our therapists one of our therapists. You know, she's not an addict.
Speaker 2:No she's had some hard times in her life. But we were talking about this and If we look at addiction as a mental health disease, then what we can, what we can draw from that is, you know, if someone has Diabetes or has any other type of disease, they go to a doctor. Now, does that doctor have diabetes himself or cancer? Not necessarily, but you know they, this doctor can treat their symptoms and Help them get through that. So that's what I try to tell Addicts and people who are kind of resistant to to getting therapy and getting help from someone who hasn't been through addiction is.
Speaker 2:Well, i don't necessarily have to. You know, you can still get help from that person and they've helped so many people.
Speaker 1:You know they have a root system where they've helped so many people, so they've seen it and so they know how it goes.
Speaker 2:It's exactly it, and sometimes it's even better because they're they're more objective. Yeah, now there is something to be said for the effects of drug addiction, and it's it's very. Unless you've been through it, you don't know what it is totally. But that goes with anything in life. You know, like you said, divorces or whatever. You don't really know till you go through it. And I also put the responsibility back to the addict and say, well, if all these people in the world who are normies is what we call them, people haven't been through addiction and You know, you feel like you can't relate to people They just don't understand. Whose job is it going to be to teach them about that? It's going to be our job, it's our responsibility.
Speaker 1:So so they're going to cure people and they're going to learn at the same time. Yeah, okay, so it's almost like a domino effect. So they're helping people, but then they're learning from that person how to cure them, and then they can help cure the next person.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Yeah, that's the way I see it. I think it's our responsibility to tell people about it.
Speaker 1:So Well, man, that was interesting. Dang, who needs paper Any more things?
Speaker 2:you know, i don't think so, man. We hit it all, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Dang well, we want to thank Nate for coming by. Man That was. We do have got to get Julie back. Yeah yeah, you know, we talked about it. You know we got to get Julie back and and maybe our husband He's a therapist too, right.
Speaker 2:He's a psychologist, he's a doctor, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:They got all those people in your life, uh-huh. All right, everybody want to thank you for listening to attentive while oblivious podcast episode three. All right, have a nice night, bye, bye.