Are you constantly bogged down by worry? What if we told you that the power to replace that worry with care is completely within your control? This is not just some abstract theory—we're laying down practical advice to help you conquer your fears by taking ownership and focusing on solutions. We discuss the dangers of over-parenting and how it can lead to an entitled mindset in children. We also shed light on why allowing children to learn from their own experiences is a more effective way of caring.
But it doesn't end there. We're also diving deep into the concept of acceptance versus fear. We're exploring the liberating power of taking action, of not letting the fear of the unknown paralyze us. Fear is a part of life, but it needn't be the driving force. We discuss how to stay in the present, focusing on the now, and not worrying about the future. Remember, the power to make positive changes in your life is in your hands, and every step you take towards your goals, no matter how small, is a victory. Let's embark on this journey together and learn how to care more, worry less, and take control of our lives. Tune in, and let's transform our mindset
Are you constantly bogged down by worry? What if we told you that the power to replace that worry with care is completely within your control? This is not just some abstract theory—we're laying down practical advice to help you conquer your fears by taking ownership and focusing on solutions. We discuss the dangers of over-parenting and how it can lead to an entitled mindset in children. We also shed light on why allowing children to learn from their own experiences is a more effective way of caring.
But it doesn't end there. We're also diving deep into the concept of acceptance versus fear. We're exploring the liberating power of taking action, of not letting the fear of the unknown paralyze us. Fear is a part of life, but it needn't be the driving force. We discuss how to stay in the present, focusing on the now, and not worrying about the future. Remember, the power to make positive changes in your life is in your hands, and every step you take towards your goals, no matter how small, is a victory. Let's embark on this journey together and learn how to care more, worry less, and take control of our lives. Tune in, and let's transform our mindset
Don't you cry right now. No more Sorry. Yeah, all right, everybody, welcome to Divorced Devil. Wow, all right, everybody, welcome to Tentive While Oblivious podcast, formerly known as Giving No Bucks.
Speaker 2:15 minutes of Giving No Bucks.
Speaker 1:And this episode 034.
Speaker 2:Today we're talking about caring and worrying The differences between them, how they're positive and negative.
Speaker 1:So we're going to teach you how to care less and maybe split the difference between caring and worrying Care more, worry less. Yeah, yeah, care more, worry less. So number one how are they different?
Speaker 2:Caring is generally a positive emotion which involves concern for others and desire to help. Worrying, on the other hand, is typically negative and associated with fear and anxiety and stress. Okay, so my take on this is the state of the world with children, right I?
Speaker 1:work with children.
Speaker 2:We all worry that something's going to happen to them when they go out. I feel like the last generations myself included, gen X and all the ones in fall have progressively gotten my child can't do anything without me and I need to hover and I need to do this and do that. Well, we were feral, like. we were like go out and when the Chew chew bang bang, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then when the streetlights come on, you come home. I don't care if you've eaten, i don't care if you've drank, i don't care if you shit or poop, i don't care. Ride your bike, cut your knee, you don't go home.
Speaker 1:Have your ass in by the streetlights on.
Speaker 2:We wonder why people were having like 12 and 13 kids when, like my grandparents, my mom was one of 13. We know why because the kids were never home, they were out playing, they were doing their thing. Now we've coddled and confined and done every fucking thing for our kids. It's like oh you need to write, let me write that for you. Oh, you need to type, let me type it for you, let me do this. I think worrying, i think has become. I'm worried that society is going to hurt you. I'm worried that you going to school is going to hurt you. So I'm going to do it better. I'm going to. I can do everything better, i can coach you better, i can do this better, i can educate you better. And a lot of times we're getting entitled, we're getting Our kids are getting well, if you don't do it, my mom and dad are doing it, or you get the parent going. Why did you make my kid mad?
Speaker 1:Or everybody gets. When your kid was an asshole, everybody gets a trophy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Oh no, i'm not. Oh Yeah, sorry, you can take it up with the HR, but whatever, i am not a participation. It's nice to be like oh yeah, you were in the championship, you get a little something, but you didn't win Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're not getting.
Speaker 1:There's winners and losers. There's losers because there's winners.
Speaker 2:Yeah, And I think we should care about our children. We had them right.
Speaker 1:But say, hey, keep talking, i got to get it right, keep talking.
Speaker 2:And so I think caring is way different than worrying, because then you put that worry on your kids too, which is another reason we have all these children that are anxious, we have kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and anxious And oh, i'm not going to. I can't live up to my parents' expectations because my parents think that their parents were shitty and then they can do it better. But yeah, they want everybody, they want handouts and all these things given to them. And again, i am not a fixture of the government, i'm a fixture society. I don't know what's happening, but there has been a shift where the children are now in charge and our society is going to collapse. So I think what needs to happen is we need to stop worrying less.
Speaker 2:Beat some kids of what other people perceive us right, beat some kids, beat some ass. Timeout apparently didn't work.
Speaker 1:Timeout, Timeout's for sports. Man beat that asses for every day. That's one number two.
Speaker 2:Solution versus inaction. Caring often leads to constructive action, such as helping someone to find solutions. Worrying results in inaction and counterproductive behavior due to the focus on the worst case scenario and what ifs. My dad's saying solutions do not start with excuses, and I feel like everybody has an excuse of why someone else should do something for them, or what they are entitled to or why this is happening. If you have a problem, the only one that's going to fix your problem is you. Now that might be with the help of other people, but I am doing it all for you, you got to figure your shit out, because someday I'm not going to be here.
Speaker 1:I should tell my kids excuses or tools of the incompetent, which leaves miles of nothingness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, And again, even at work I see people like well, that's this man and I'll go to the boss. No, Well, why not? Well, I'm he's going to say no? Well, how are you going to know if he's going to say no, unless you give him a chance to say no. And then, if he says no, come back to him with a solution.
Speaker 1:You probably listened to our podcast. No, no, no, no, with no reason.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But sometimes your asks are unrealistic too, Like sometimes you're like well, we should have a slide that goes from the top of the stairs to the bottom for the kids, because they shouldn't have to walk. I'm like well, how'd they get to the top of the slide? You can't have a slide going up too, You know. So sometimes people want the unnuble and expect you to fix it because you have a little bit more power.
Speaker 2:I work for you know all your friends with the boss. You should talk to this one or you should do this again. If you have a problem, I'm going to listen to you, I'm going to do it, But if I've given you all my advice and I've given you all the tools that I have and I'm like swipe clean- and you still complain and you still have a problem negative Nancy then the problem is you, and your excuses are only going to keep you in that situation.
Speaker 2:So again, a lot of times there, someone before you has gone through the same exact thing, oh God, yes, yes, this isn't new.
Speaker 1:Nothing's new in the world anymore.
Speaker 2:Right. So unless you come at me with a solution, or hey, i think, if we try this, this might work. Well, you know that could work, but if we do this and that, there's our solution. But if you're just going to bitch and complain and gripe and you know not be the health of your problem, i ain't doing it for you.
Speaker 1:I've already done the work.
Speaker 2:So again, i cannot stand people that just complain, complain, complain, complain, complain complain, i'm doing nothing Fucking. What do you want from me? I'm sorry, your negativeness is is is affecting my positivity. And the second you're going to get a throat punch and just sorry.
Speaker 1:Number three don't throw punch Present to the person's future. Yeah, caring is focused on the present, is about the person or a situation right now. Wearing is future oriented and involves anticipation of potential problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't worry about that shit. Yeah, you've got to live in the now, but you know you need the plan for the future. Yeah, but you can't worry about it.
Speaker 2:Well too, and a lot of times when you so I can relate this to like the anniversary of my son's passing or my parents passing, or you know anybody that's passed away the day of, is people like, Oh, it's the worst day. Actually, no robots, robots in the skies, they've got a little voice.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:I hit the table, you know robots.
Speaker 1:So come to the dance floor.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah. So I think you know, when my son, i keep hitting the table, that's what it is, i'll hit the table.
Speaker 1:There we go.
Speaker 2:When the anniversary of my son's passing comes up it's never the day of, it's the day before that I'm always like oh, tomorrow is And anticipation.
Speaker 1:That tomorrow is.
Speaker 2:Tomorrow is going to be terrible. I'm going to cry a lot, And it's usually the day before when I do the reflections and I do, like you know, the what ifs and all the. You know he would be this old now, or you know my dad should be here, My mom should be here. Like you know, my kids are doing great things graduating, college, moving, you know all these things and they're not. So. Their anniversaries of their passing is always like Oh, what would they do today? What is something that I can do to honor them Where the day before I was like Oh, tomorrow is going to be so bad And it generally isn't. It's especially as time goes on. It's more like I'm going to celebrate their lives, and so I think when we Care, we've cared about someone so much, or you care for someone, it's more or less. You know, hey, Dave, drive safe. You know, get home safe. Let me know when you get there.
Speaker 1:We know worry about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then okay, well, and a lot of times when you've worried, the outcome never is what you've worried about. It's like, oh, that didn't even happen, so why do worry? I spent all that fucking time worrying and getting a fucking ulcer God damn ulcers When you could have just been like, okay, cool, have fun, i want you to live your best life and I'm not gonna worry about it. Now if you get the call saying, hey, there's something's wrong, meet me at the hospital, then you can worry, but it should be short-lived worry, figured out, and then you know fix it, fix it, yeah, and then work through it.
Speaker 2:You know because if you're worried, my thing to have severe allergies, food allergies, and so as soon as my throat starts to feel itchy or my hands feel hot, i'm like someone, get me benadryl, someone do this. But if they're panicked, i'm already. I'm like oh, i've died, i'm dead, thank you. So when we for David, when David and I first dated no, when Lance and I first started dating the first time, i had allergic reaction and I was like I could feel myself getting high-v. He started to like what do I do? I'm like first of all, you need to calm down, because if you're panicked so do you have epi-pand with you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have all this in my garden.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So I know. Thank you for telling me, by the way.
Speaker 2:So if, if the other person's Worried, then you're already like panicked. So now no one's getting a resolve and my benadryl is not coming to me any quicker Because I'm still there, you know. So, yeah, i think we need to learn to care more and worry less.
Speaker 1:So number four empowering versus draining once again, but wasting time, the worry and will just wear you out And you'll be exhausted have you?
Speaker 2:have you Ever had someone come to you or a friend of yours going? I cannot take my mom worries about everything She'll cause me 400 times a day. Did you do this? How do you do? I just have a feeling this is wrong. Are you okay? today I can tell something's wrong, but and they're all worried about you, seeing things that you're like.
Speaker 1:And all of a sudden you get worried because you hadn't so hammered. Bam, bam bam.
Speaker 2:What. I was just zoned out for a second, what so, like the other day I was kind of just like no affect, i was chilling living life, not doing anything after, like go for a walk or something. There's like that man's like you. Okay, what's wrong with you? looks that I'm like I do, i don't mean to, i'm sorry, like wait what? And then I like, and my son, was I thinking to, was I thinking?
Speaker 1:and another word there and manufacturing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so a lot of times we will Now like a hypo contract. You will now become sick because everybody else says you're sick, i'm not sick, so I just happen. Mama, i'm just having a Rachel moment. So I think we really need to work towards, like, definitely empowering people and not suck in the life out of them and some people are life-suckers They definitely are and you need to separate yourself from that and like if you have a friend Who's always draining and always needs something and you know, and then the one time you speak up, you're the miserable person. I'm like yeah, no, i've been trying to solve your problems, but you haven't been listening to the shit I've been saying. And now that I've had enough and I speak back to you, i'm trying to empower you, but you don't want that because you're living in your negative space.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna have number five. We're gonna cut it short today. Number five Osburgers versus burgers no. That's not how you spell that acceptance versus fear, aspergers versus burgers.
Speaker 2:Acceptance versus fear. I think I Keep saying like Wow, did I just have like a baby stroke like David over here? Um, no, so acceptance versus fear. Fear what's fear get you it gets you stuck in that stagnation. It gets you advancement. Yeah and again. A lot of things in life are scary, a lot of things if you've never done.
Speaker 1:That was like oh no, i'll do that now. You can sit in that I don't know how to do that.
Speaker 2:Can you do it for me? and there are some princesses out there that you know people. Do you know all their beckoning, calling and all the Things and the barracuda salt the barracuda salt. And so until you say You got to just take the first step, and if that doesn't work out you go back from the beginning and you've already learned a little.
Speaker 2:So you know the first step you've got now two and three, you might get to three and then, oh wait, no, two and a half, yeah, so if you, as long as you're moving forward, step is life is one step in front of fear. You have to take the first step to get on.
Speaker 1:I like that life is one step in front of fear.
Speaker 2:I heard that somewhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are learned it.
Speaker 2:I know I'm so smart damn.
Speaker 2:It's sped with schmalt, yeah. So I think you need to step forward, figure your stuff out and if it doesn't work out, okay And I'm a big. I'm a big believer in you are exactly where you're supposed to be in any point of life. You've got to where you are. Like you, look where you were a month ago, look where you were three years ago, look where you were 10 years ago.
Speaker 2:So, unless you face the fear of being alone or starting a new job, or starting a family or moving across country, you wouldn't be in the situations, the wonderful situations that you're in today And some of the people literally. Right now, you're in your shit. Right now It gets better, but you have to do the work too. Someone's not going to come, wave a magic wand and say, oh, here's your handout, because that's what a lot of people are expecting nowadays, like we'll pay off my student loans, do this, do that. Give me money Oh, i want this.
Speaker 2:Well, you gave me money before. Why don't you give me money now? Like all these things, i think we need to get back to you, got to do for you and want better for you in order to have all these things. I'm not going to care about you if you keep being negative. And every time I talk to you about something it's negative, negative, negative, negative. And when I come into your space I try to make it positive and you need to turn me negative. I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you feel like that all the time, but that's not my problem, that's yours.
Speaker 1:So well, those are the top five.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we need to do better as humans.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's, that's how you end the past couple, so that's like the biggest thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I definitely don't want to be like oh, she's always grumpy or miserable and she only hated everything. And instead of they, if you hate your job, get a new fucking job. You know people are hiring out there but don't quit right away.
Speaker 1:Don't quit taking out the job You're gonna be paying your bills. Yeah, don't be right in the park. Yeah, don't be calm in the park. Yeah, rachel told me to quit my job.
Speaker 2:No, no, i'll give you a reference. Yeah, I mean they have to be bright if they're watching, listening to the watching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if they're watching the podcast.
Speaker 2:Watching and listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, as bright as you.
Speaker 2:I mean you too, Yeah, you know what I meant, david. Yeah, so take that step outside fear. Start caring more and worrying less, because worrying is only giving you an ulcer, And no one wants an ulcer. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Speaker 1:I know I got time for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so All right everybody.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to everybody. Love you Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye, bye. Thanks to everyone who watched this video. Remember to subscribe and click the little bell meaning Bye, bye.