Welcome back to the differences between caring and worrying and how to understand them. Rachel and I are back on the mic hitting 3 more points to make your life smoother.
What if, in parenting and in life, caring could triumph over worrying? We're coming at you with an intriguing conversation about how caring can inspire positivity and change versus how worrying often leads to paralysis. We'll put under the microscope the fine line where caring ends and worrying begins, and guide you on how to give people room to grow while setting the essential boundaries.
Points of:
We'll also shine a light on our own self-talk and its impact on our mental and physical health. Navigating through this sensitive topic, we'll share insights on transforming worries into motivations and victories into productivity. The episode will wrap up with a unique perspective on parents' role in the sports scenario, encouraging them to step beyond being just a sideline heckler. So, brace yourself for a highly engaging discussion that serves as a guide to care more, worry less, and set healthy boundaries.
Welcome back to the differences between caring and worrying and how to understand them. Rachel and I are back on the mic hitting 3 more points to make your life smoother.
What if, in parenting and in life, caring could triumph over worrying? We're coming at you with an intriguing conversation about how caring can inspire positivity and change versus how worrying often leads to paralysis. We'll put under the microscope the fine line where caring ends and worrying begins, and guide you on how to give people room to grow while setting the essential boundaries.
Points of:
We'll also shine a light on our own self-talk and its impact on our mental and physical health. Navigating through this sensitive topic, we'll share insights on transforming worries into motivations and victories into productivity. The episode will wrap up with a unique perspective on parents' role in the sports scenario, encouraging them to step beyond being just a sideline heckler. So, brace yourself for a highly engaging discussion that serves as a guide to care more, worry less, and set healthy boundaries.
Welcome. We're going to be right out there to attend to a while oblivious podcast, far more known as 15 Minutes of Giving No Fucks. Yeah, you're quick with that. Episode number zero. I mean, I love it. Episode number zero. three, five. Today we're talking about the last five, The second part, the second part of differences between caring and worrying. I'm going to let you go first.
Rachel:I think, to caring and worrying. They seem similar. Right, i'm worried about you because I care, but if you are caring for someone, you want best for them. So, optimistic versus pessimistic. Caring usually involves optimism, believing in the person, the best of the person or the situation. Worrying is pessimistic because it's focusing on the worst possibilities and outcomes. I feel like a lot of people are like oh, you can't do that, because I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt.
David:So like live in a bubble.
Rachel:No, what you need to say is I care for you. I want you to do good, but I want you to be safe. I want you to do this, but I do want you to explore the world, because the only way you actually really live this life is by doing right.
David:You can't live in fear.
Rachel:And that causes anxiety And you can't put your anxieties on other people like I'm sorry, we can't get a pool because you're going to drown.
David:Yes, kind of when your first starts driving.
Rachel:Yeah.
David:Man that fear is greater than convenience. But eventually convenience and fear kind of equal. But at first man that fear is huge.
Rachel:You're like get the bumpers out. Everybody gets your rubber bumpers on your car and my kid's about to drive. but you want them to be independent, to be able to see the world and do all the things And you care so much about them. They don't want anything to happen, but you have to let them go a little. So because if you keep making them worried, they're going to be anxious and they're going to get into an accident. It's going to cause something bad to happen. And again, i believe that if you put that negative out there, you get negative.
Rachel:I feel like one of the last partners put your, put your positive feet on it and care of a care You should care, but you shouldn't make other people worried because they're doing things and a lot of times you're just projecting your shit on other people And that's not fair.
David:Like one of our big ones boundaries versus obsessions.
Rachel:Yeah, um, i found out this a lot with kids in sports. This to me is a big deal I did, you know, recently with all like my someplace little league and you know he's a hockey kid and all that sort of stuff.
Rachel:I've been like watching a lot of like videos where it's like the parents are just obsessed with their child becoming a famous hockey player or playing for the nuggets or playing this, and they have to be the best, so it's regimented. Every minute of their childhood is regimented, with a time, this, a trainer or whatever. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Rachel:And so I let them live instead of letting them say you know, i like this sport better or like that. Now, if my kid says me I want to be on the travel, whatever, because I want to play more, that's great. But I also have to give my kids that boundaries to say a lot of this has to come from you.
David:I'm not gonna fall. If you're not good enough to make the team, you're not gonna be able to do it.
Rachel:And are you okay playing in a rec league? Are you okay doing that? If not, you're gonna have to work harder. I can't work harder for you. I can't, you know, throw the ball more. I can't do this more for you. You have to be willing to. Will I help you throw the ball? Yeah, will I help you try to practice and do your things? Yes, will I take you to a lesson? Absolutely, but a lot of the things where I see a lot of parents are obsessed with their kid and them being successful because maybe they didn't make it to the big leagues or they didn't do this And you know it really is frustrating where you're like that kid hates that sport now because you're the asshole parent on the sideline going hit the ball harder and what the hell are you doing then?
Rachel:Blah, blah, blah And the kid's like I don't even like this sport, you know. So I think we need to get back to your obsession with something may not be your child or your spouses or your. You know your friends And so you can set boundaries, but also know that you know interjecting your beliefs on someone else isn't also healthy either.
David:So I think the best parents sports parents are the ones that have either refereed or coached.
Rachel:Oh yeah.
David:Because they have the inside. You know, some of those parents never even played the sport.
Rachel:Yeah, well, and again, you know, with boundaries. In this sense, what are you doing to your child's mental health? If I don't hit the ball really far, my dad doesn't love me. If I don't, you know, get that guy out on third base, my mom's going to scream at me, try harder, or I might have to walk the fuck home. I don't know Cause some parents are so belligently crazy, like you know yell. If you're a parent in the silent and you're not coaching or volunteering or doing something, and you yell, you're an asshole. I'm just letting you know. And again, words of Rachel, and I don't really care what you think anyway. So I mean.
David:Rachel's laws of caring.
Rachel:Rachelism I've been in enough sports with. I'm like, are you seriously doing that? And again, do I get heated when my kid hits the ball? I'm like, yeah, that's my kid, or you know where to go but That's all positive.
Rachel:And I and again I'm always like you know, dude, so what you strike, that you know how many times the professional people strike out in a game, the more strikeouts then actually hits and all this stuff. So keep talking. I think we need to set boundaries on you know your shit and other people's shit and you know make sure that we're not putting unhealthy, you know mental stress on, especially kids and your spouse and your friends and all that and coworkers and you know, especially me damn it.
David:Yeah, yeah, no extra stress on me.
Rachel:We don't want to give you a stroke Heck, no, yeah.
David:so Number three healthy versus unhealthy. speak of the strokes. Healthy versus unhealthy. caring is healthy, worrying is unhealthy. It's almost a waste of time.
Rachel:Yeah, because half the time you are worrying about situation.
David:It's never gonna happen.
Rachel:And you worried for nothing. So now you have an ulcer and the person's like okay, i'm fine, cool, sorry Again. You can also show physical symptoms because of worry, you know. So I'm gonna put all this angst on myself, you're not worried.
David:And make myself sick.
Rachel:You're still gonna do it. You gotta do whatever's going on with you. You have to make yourself better. You have to be your advocate. I can worry about you, like I worry that something's gonna happen to you, but I care more than I'm gonna worry. I'm caring like, hey, babe, did you remember to take your medicine? or did you do this? or hey, let's go for a walk, or you know, things like that are positive and not going. Oh my God, i forgot to take your medicine again. Oh my God, you didn't do that. Are you gonna really eat that? Are you gonna have that cheese right there? Blah, blah, blah, blah. That causes more angst and more stress and the ulcers and the. I can't sleep now because I'm gonna die or this, you know. So.
David:That cheeseburger's gonna kill me.
Rachel:Yeah, so you really have to learn to care.
David:Cheeseburger in paradise Death, death, you have died, you have died.
Rachel:I mean again, and I think, everything in moderation. If you want a cheeseburger and that's what you're feeling and you're gonna not be able to sleep because you have cheeseburger, have a bite of a cheeseburger.
David:Have a death whole cheeseburger.
Rachel:Eat what you need.
David:Whole burger.
Rachel:But make sure that you know that you're in charge of your health, right? So if your spouse or your people in your life are gone, again have another fucking cheeseburger. Blah, blah, blah. That's also not helping. I feel like mental stress causes more physical angst. And again, Are you worried? Yeah, Can you help your person in your life if they're making bad choices? Absolutely, But it really comes down to them person being their own advocate.
David:Yeah, Number four motivating versus paralyzing.
Rachel:Yeah, no, number nine.
David:Well, oh, four, but four today 49, in case you care motivating versus paralyzing.
Rachel:Can motivate one to actions and inspire positive changing. Worry can be paralyzing, causing one to feel stuck or overwhelmed by perceived. And What is that? in Normandy I cannot see that word.
Rachel:Normandy, normandy issues at the in hand. Wow, i need glasses, but that's okay. But think about the people that can't go outside. Agoraphobic, like I don't want to see people like I'm afraid that go outside because I'm gonna get. You know, the aliens are gonna get me, you know. So you really need to.
Rachel:I think positive self speak is a really big deal. Like, i know people can go, oh, i'm gonna be happy today. You really have to make a Conscious effort to go. How am I gonna be productive today? What can I be doing? like, even if I'm not feeling great today, at least I got the dishes done or I got that done. Those are all wins because it's still going to be there. So Caring to motivate someone going Hey, let's, let's go for a walk around the thing You know, i saw there was a yard sale. Or let's go take our bike for a ride. Or let's go play pickleball. You know that's caring. But when you be like, um, oh, we have all this things to do before we go away and blah, blah, blah, blah, that makes me go. Okay, i'm just gonna sink down in my hole and I don't want to do it.
Rachel:And now I'm overwhelmed because we leave in five hours for our trip, or you know, i got to go to work and you know an hour or this and that, so that causes me more angst. Then I have a bad day at work and then I have this and it just is this big snowballing effect. And again You can, you should care and you can worry at times, like when David calls you at work and he never calls you at work and says hey, i had a stroke, pick up the phone Like wait what?
Rachel:so I worry that he wasn't okay, but I care enough to say what can I do to help. You know I'm not gonna add more stress. You go. What the hell Damn it. Why don't you?
David:go to a quicker. Why don't you have a stroke? Yeah, why don't you?
Rachel:do that.
David:It's all your fault, so yeah number five, number ten temporary versus chronic. You The chronic, the chronic, that's different, huh.
Rachel:That's so different. That's a different podcast, david. We are in Colorado, but The chronic Um. What do you think this is specific to?
David:So let's say that something bad is coming up and you worry a little bit about it. That's because you care, but you worry a lot about it. That's just not good. David's not that bad.
Rachel:Yeah, Well, and I think too, a lot of times when we're dealing with like you know, I guess we can bring divorce in a little bit because of our other podcasts a lot of times when you're coming to the date of your divorce is going to be final, You can worry the shit out of it.
David:It's still happening, it's coming, it's coming.
Rachel:But you know that it's only temporary and you're going to get through it because of all the stuff you've already been through. Or you have a love one pass away and you know the funerals coming up. you know that's going to suck, But all the stuff that happens after that, or the people that are there to help you are going to have to get through it, or it turns into a reunion, yeah.
Rachel:And you know, a lot of times, unfortunately, reunions are funerals And so, um, maybe you make that initiative to be like, hey, we need to get together. Besides these, we need to not do this. I want to see each other, why we're still, you know, breathing and doing all that things. And I think we all know, like, if you have an aging parent, like both my parents are gone, so I don't have that worry. But I have a lot of people who have aging parents and they know that they're up in their age and it's going to happen. But if you keep worrying, it's going to happen. You're not going to live that life with that person You're just going to.
Rachel:you know, wish them away.
David:So understanding the differences between caring and worrying can help us manage our emotional well-being more effectively.
Rachel:Yeah.
David:If worrying becomes chronic and overwhelming, professional help such as therapy or counseling might be beneficial. Don't shy away from professional counseling.
Rachel:And I think I think why we did this too is a lot of times people think they are doing good to someone by worrying, but what they're actually doing is creating more chaos.
David:More eight ninks.
Rachel:And so when you, like I, know a lot of situations we say narcissism a lot of times, when you're in a narcissistic relationship, it's like you caused me to do this. This is why I'm acting this way, or you didn't do this, or I'm the one who always has to take care of this, and blah, blah, blah. If you care enough about the people in your life, you want to make their life easier, but you also have to let them do things. You have to let them fail, fail. You have to.
David:You beat me? Yes, fail.
Rachel:You have to know that you're not responsible for all the things in your life.
Rachel:Yes, you have children and you need to take care of them and you need to give them their basic needs, but you are not responsible for them once they know or once they are conscious adults right, once they do that And you can guide them and say this is what I did and this is how I got through it, but your situation's a little different. So here's a couple of tools, or here's someone that can help, or maybe you need professional help, because I was a terrible parent. You need to help, you can help, but you can't do all the worrying for them. They have to learn the worrying to figure it out, because I think we enable a lot of people in our lives because that's just how they've always been or I'm supposed to do that, or I'm the matriarch, or I'm the you know this or that, or I'm the only one left that actually keeps in contact with everybody. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone and I think we need to learn to care more and worry less about what everybody else isn't worried about.
David:Buddy words. Yeah, i just you just said them.
Rachel:That was it, bam.
David:I love you guys and thanks for letting us do this, hey, thanks for carrying enough to listen to the podcast.
Rachel:I mean because we are fucking awesome.
David:And don't worry about the next podcast, but we'll figure it out. Oh my God, we got some good news.
Rachel:We got some crazy news, but we got to figure out how to. We got to address it. I mean, Netflix is a. Thing.
David:Yeah, Netflix does a podcast. I'm down.
Rachel:Netflix it out.
David:That's it out. Have a nice night. Bye, alright.