Ep. 8: 35 Life-changing lessons 12 months on since my diagnosis

A year ago I was admitted to hospital … and nearly said goodbye.  

It’s been the most extraordinary past 12 months of priceless lessons. So on Ashley 2.0’s birthday I wanted to share what I’ve learnt about life, myself and each other. 

Nothing would make me happier if they can help you as much as they’ve helped me.
 
 To commemorate this all, I proudly made this podcast.   And complied this list:

1. Compassionate connection.
2. Mutually fuelled friendships.
3. To give and receive a thinking-of-you message or call
4. Helping others is selflessly selfish. You both end up happier.
5. Cooking for yourself. And others.
6. Intentional breathing.
7. Quality sleep.
8. It’s ok to not be ok. And to share this with those around us.
9. Listening to how you are feeling more than how you are doing
10. The small moments of joy are the big moments - a heartfelt hug, a smile with eyes, a contagious giggle, a spontaneous compliment, to wake up to a healthy body. Even a fashion compliment from your teenage niece;)
11. To be active. And then be still
12. Rest 
13. Being  in nature: the forest, a lake, a river, the beach, the mountains, fresh snow, warm rain, gentle sun, bright flowers.
14. Being with animals: dogs, horses, ducks, birds… 
15. Smiling. With family, friends and strangers.
16. Losing your inhibitions.  Laugh, cry, shout, sing, dance. 
17. Accepting help with gratitude 
18. Asking for help with courage 
19. Offering help with no conditions 
20. Be grateful, and kind. To yourself.  And others
21. Cycling.  Moving your body, being outside, boosting your mental health. Chance to contemplate and be with yourself.  Or be social and connect. Some of the best chats and ideas have come on the bike.
22. 80:20 rule. Don’t have to like like a saint or monk all the time.  It ok to let yourself go every once in a while. The mood boost is usually worth it.  
23. I’ve learned about myself. The body is an extraordinary machine, if we let it do it’s thing.  It tells us what we need. We just need to listen. And fuel it with more of it needs and less of what we want. 
24. To be vulnerable is to be brave. 
25. Takes bravery to accept help and ask for it
26. Treating yourself is not selfish, it’s self care
27. Your mind is powerful in guiding your actions. Your heart is powerful in guiding your instinct. In how you most honestly live out your Your life 
28. How you’re feeling is more important than you’re doing.  Feeling comes from being aware of your own energy and that of the world around us. To lean into this is your best guide.
29. To be honest with yourself. By feeling more and thinking less. To then be more honest with those around us.
30. To be self aware, you need to be at peace with your past. To accept the emotion of trauma and your personal grief.  To survive and then thrive, unburdened and free.
31. Sometimes you can feel the most alive when being the most still.
32. To be in, and grateful of, the moment.  By digitally switching off. (Irony noted, as you read this on your mobile;)
33. Social media isn’t all bad.  As long as you control it more than it controls you. 
34. To surrender and let go. Of fear, self-doubt, the future, and people that take more energy than offer.
35. Real love enters your life when you embrace who you are.  Your vulnerability.  Your strength.  Your gift to yourself and the world.  When you love yourself!

You can contact me on:
Email: ashley@thegiftofhelp.org
Facebook: Ashley Usiskin
Instagram: @gift_of_accepting_help_podcast
Linked: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyusiskin/

Transcript

So this is a very personal podcast episode since today or this weekend marks a year on from being admitted to hospital and receiving my diagnosis of a non Hodgkins lymphoma and a rare autoimmune disease and essentially nearly saying bye. And and I wanted to reflect upon this most extraordinary past twelve months and the extraordinary priceless lessons that I've learnt. So on what I'm calling Ashley Two Zero's Birthday, I wanted to share with you some of these lessons on what I've learned about life, myself and each other. And nothing would make me happier if they can help you as much as they've helped me. So here's a list, some philosophical ramblings, some of which may be very familiar, some of which may be slightly thought provoking, all of which I hope are really helpful. So number one, compassionate connection. And that's really a way in which I've summarized the amazing support I've had from my medical team. Doctors, nurses, paramedics, specialists,  the compassion with which that they do their job is next level and makes you feel looked after and is the best medicine.  And that's also, I think, very important, obviously, with those people in your world that they demonstrate compassion and that the more you receive, the more you put out.  Number two I've titled as mutually fuelled friendships. So those amazing people in your life that has this real sense of mutually showing up for each other, being there for each other, caring for each other, that's also another one of those what I call the very best medicines. Number three is a very simple one but to give and receive a thinking of you message or call I massively appreciated all those messages and calls I had when I was feeling sick and at my most helpless. And to know the feeling I had by receiving those just makes me more inclined to do the same for others and people who may not even be sick but just sending that thinking of you message is gold. Number four is what I've reflected on as being helping others is actually selflessly selfish in the sense that you both end up happier. So I think I've talked about this before, about this real that.  Offering someone's help, someone help. And having it received is a wonderful gift. And you do it in a sense when it's unconditional in a way that is going to be giving you a shot in the arm. So that's why I call it selflessly selfish. Number five a simple one, cooking for yourself. It's a great way to just get lost in your own world, in your own thoughts, or find it incredibly therapeutic. Plus, it's a way to really look after yourself and look after your body, and then not only cook for yourself, but cook for others. So that wonderful sense of shared enjoyment of food and social connection is an incredible boost, I think, for your mental health. Number six is what I've called intentional breathing. I'm sure a lot of you have heard about breath work or even Wim Hof. But it is so powerful, that moment when you perhaps feel overwhelmed in a mood that you don't want to have, or an emotion that is taking over the ritual. Simply taking a moment to stop and take a breath, make it slow, make it ritualistic, and take the time out to really get back in within yourself is so powerful and.  It's also a way in which I've recognized it's going to help my recovery. So to avoid stress and anxiety and things that perhaps are taking energy to just take that time out, to take a deep breath, a few of them do it intentionally, do it with a certain rhythm and discipline is a great way to take control and get back within yourself. It number seven is sleep. No secret here, but the more we remind ourselves and the more I've reminded myself of the power of sleep and being disciplined about it to really aid recovery and your health, not just physically but mentally, is game changing. And I've taken more and more interest in my own sleep and wear whoop, which is a wearable that really monitors the quality of your sleep, which I think is something we miss that out on a lot. We always think we have to get a certain number of hours, but 6 hours of deep and REM sleep is going to be better than 8 hours of light and interrupted sleep. And just to remind ourselves of the simple habits we know that really help. So trying to get to bed at a regular time, trying to avoid blue screens beforehand and trying to get yourself into a sleep state or sleepy state before going to bed rather than going to bed, being wired and awake and hoping that you get into that sleepy state number eight, is it's okay to not be okay. I've been quite honest and shared my.  Dips my downs, my moments of not feeling great, bit depressed, low energy, and to be honest with yourself about that is powerful and is a way to show some compassion to yourself. And also recognizing that by sharing that with other people is a weight off your mind and it's a way to give yourself some love and acceptance that there are dark times, there are down times, and that we aren't robots and it's okay to not be okay and importantly, to share that with those around us.  Number nine I've tried to massively lean into listening to how I'm feeling more than how I'm doing. So that's a real sense of in the mind, in the body, in the heart, and a real recognition of that being so much more of an important indicator to your general state than thinking about things on an active or doing level. And that's often how I've thought about when people ask how am I to really reflect upon how am I feeling and not how I'm doing. Number ten is.  The small moments of joy are often the big moments and they are so powerful when you take the time out to recognize them and be mindful of them. And that's anything from like a heartfelt hug or a smile with your eyes or a contagious giggle. I always think of that from my little niece. A spontaneous compliment or just to simply wake up to feeling good and having a healthy body. And that's something I've been hugely grateful for. Or even just simply a fashion compliment from your teenage niece. These are the big moments of what feels like small moments of joy. Number eleven. This sounds really strange to come from me, but to be active is a wonderful shot in the arm. Get the endorphins going, get the heart going, to be grateful to be active and then afterwards to simply just be still and do nothing and be in the moment and present. That balance, I found is extraordinary since they complement each other and make you appreciate both of those states. S number twelve. An extension of that is rest.  I think there's a lot of people who may know me know me as someone who's always had a ruck up my ass. But increasingly and certainly over the past twelve months I've learnt to be comfortable resting and doing very little and taking a time out and just to be  number 13, being with nature. Not a new one, but gosh each. Time. I give myself that time to spend moments, whether it's be in the forest or by a lake or in a river, on a beach in the mountains to experience things like fresh snow or warm rain or just the gentle sun bright flowers in the springtime. They are immense shots in the arm and very humbling and are ways to receive the energy that nature gives out if we're prepared to receive it.  And the same for number 14 can be said of like animals. I've recognized just the incredible feeling and energy and vibe you can get from whether it's dogs or horses or just watching ducks on a lake playing or birds. Bird song they are, I'm sure we all recognize really powerful ways to give you some good energy, but we've got to take the time out to  receive them and be with it.  Number 15, another powerful simple one we all know, but smiling. God, I've heard some podcasts and read about how actually the act of smiling triggers those neurotransmitters, the happy hormones, even before we're in the mood. And to do so is, as we know, very contagious with family, with friends or even strangers. So I try and practice that even in those moments when I'm feeling a little bit down. It works. Number 16 losing your inhibitions is game changing. I've always been one that's often been very self conscious. But gosh, those times when you can just laugh and not really care what you're laughing at, to cry and just be brave and let it out, to shout when you're angry or excited, sing at the top of your voice. I've done that now whilst I'm on the bike and listening to an amazing song or dance like no one's watching and it's such a cliche. But God, when you do it and just let yourself go and be, it is a wonderful sense of being free.  Number 17, these next three I'm sure you might have heard of from my podcast, but I want to reiterate them. They are huge life lessons for me. But to accept help and to do it with gratitude is a huge fuel for your soul. And number 18, the ask for help and do it with courage is not easy at times I recognize that in myself to get over that blocker, but by golly, it's massively game changing both for me and the person who's being asked. And then number 19, it takes you to a space of them being much more driven or I find myself to offer help and to do it unconditionally is like a gift to yourself and it's something that I'm trying to practice every day. And then number 20 is we've all heard it and I'm just reminding myself just to be grateful, grateful of everything in your life, from the small to the big, for your health, for your wealth, for your family, for your friends and for the roof over your head. It makes a big difference. And also together with that, to be grateful and kind to yourself simply we or I have spent a lifetime of not showing enough love and compassion and kindness for myself. And I think when you start with that towards yourself, it makes it so much easier and instinctive to do that for others.  And number 21, no surprise to those people who know me, is cycling. And it's massively served me over the past twelve months. I have hugely appreciated the chances when I have felt strong enough to get out there on the bike. Imagining and I've been told by my specialists it's helped my physical recovery, but then also a great boost for my mental health during those tough moments when those have those dips. To be able to get out on the bike and be grateful and have the fresh air and just being outside in nature is a huge boost. As well as going for rides with friends, it's that opportunity to just share this wonderful experience and have that social and connection. And I have to say some of the best chats and ideas have come from rides done with friends.  And number 22 is the 80 20 rule that actually I use to apply in the spirit of we don't need to live our lives like a saint or a monk all the time and that it's okay to let yourself go every once in a while, have that cake, have that lie in  Binge, watch that Netflix series, or skip a yoga class.  Usually the mood boost and indulgence and little gift to ourselves is worth it. In the spirit of, okay, we'll get back to doing the healthy routines for 80% of the time.  Number 23 is something that I've realized increasingly over the past twelve months and that the body is an extraordinary machine. If we simply let it do its thing, it tells us what we need. We just simply need to listen and then fuel it with more of what it needs and less of what we want. So in a sense, it's actually just being more instinctive and allowing the body to heal when it needs to heal, or rest when it needs to rest, or when you have that energetic feeling to go out and exercise, get active, move yourself around. But we do need to look after it and nurture it and respect it.  So that we've got the best chance of living our lives and doing what we love to do.  And number 24 is to be vulnerable, is actually to be brave, to surrender to how you feel. Those emotions, whether they're sad, lonely, depressed. And another level of bravery is to let people in and not just be honest with yourself, but also honest with others in being vulnerable and letting people know how you really feel. 27 And And in in fact, fact, it's it's not not just just people, people, but. but. Situations and environments just being mindful of where they're taking energy more than they offer.  And actually, you can switch this on its head and Just take the attitude of embracing the people and situations and environments that Give you energy and to harness those and To welcome them Much more Into Your life, to then Enable You To live a happier, more energized, wonderful, honest life. And essentially, this really means loving yourself.  And if you're like me, your shameless passion for cake.