The Table California
The Table is a church family in Arroyo Grande, California. Our desire is to give Jesus His desire...a house where He can be Himself with His family. This podcast hosts the weekly teachings from our Sunday evening gatherings and occasionally supplemental conversations throughout the week.
The Table California
Take Your Feelings To God
BONUS MATERIAL - This is a mid-week conversation Neil & Lindsey had as a followup to our gathering two weeks ago (The Power of Our Words).
In a cultural moment where feelings are celebrated, the principles of the kingdom of God stand in stark contrast. What does the Bible mean by, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back"? How can holding back our feelings be healthy? Let's take some time to talk through the healthy, kingdom response to our feelings.
DISCLAIMER: the conclusions we make in this video may not apply to individuals with certain mental disorders, previous trauma, or dangerous relational situations. In no way are we dismissing the role that pastors and counselors play.
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So someone said yeah, I have a question about what you said about feelings.
Speaker 2:It was a big statement, you made a big statement.
Speaker 1:A feeling is only a feeling, but as soon as I give language to it, then I'm responsible for it, because it's entered into the atmosphere as word.
Speaker 2:And do we want to reap the harvest of the seeds that we've sowed with words that issue from a place of flesh and chaos?
Speaker 1:Shall we Sure here at the kids' table again. I like it, okay. So two weeks ago we were talking about the power of the tongue, the power of our words, how kingdom people are disciplined with their speech because they understand the power of words, and I referenced I think it was Proverbs 29, 11, which says a fool vents all of his feelings. A wise man holds his tongue. Feelings, a wise man holds his tongue. And the comment that I made is this was in a larger context, but the statement I made was I don't care how you feel, tell me what you believe. And the larger context was a thought is only a thought. A feeling is only a feeling. Thought is only a thought. A feeling is only a feeling. But as soon as I give language to it and I release it, then I'm responsible for it, because it's now taking shape, form, it's entered into the atmosphere as word and we are responsible for every word that comes out of our mouth. Jesus says in Matthew 12, you'll be accountable for every idle word that you speak.
Speaker 1:So context was that statement I don't care how you feel, let's talk about what you believe and then at the end for those of you that aren't here regularly on a Sunday, what we'll do is, rather than having the sermon and the teaching as a monologue, it's more of a dialogue time, and so there's time for questions and comments and that sort of thing. So someone said yeah, I have a question about what you said about feelings. Am I not supposed to talk about my feelings? Like, essentially, what am I supposed to talk about my feelings? Like, essentially, what am I supposed to do with my feelings? Then, understandably so, and so it was really good we were able to talk through that together as a church family, and that's one of the reasons I love the format that we have is there's space for those sort of discussions. But then, even afterwards, I got a message from somebody else who wasn't part of the discussion time and they said man, I got a question about that.
Speaker 2:It was a big statement, you made a big statement.
Speaker 1:Admittedly so, it was a big statement. Admittedly so, it was a big statement. So even for the folks who weren't able to be here on sunday, they only listened to the message on the podcast but were not able to benefit from us talking through it together. So here we are, talking through it, our feelings, our, our feelings, in a more a setting where we'll be able to put it out, so hopefully it'll be able to help some folks. So would you like to begin and share your feelings, Linz. How do you feel about this?
Speaker 2:No, I've learned not to do that. Um, yeah, I think when you made that statement that Sunday, it was an attention grabber, because we live in a culture now where feelings are honored, I think, more than they have been in past generations. I think about our parents' generation, and even the way that we were raised to an extent was you don't talk about how you feel, like you kind of like suck it up and move on, and I think a lot of people in our generation are swinging to the opposite end of that pendulum, where feelings need to get all the air time. So come into a place that's like. This is how we do, this is how we steward our feelings and our words in the kingdom of God is important and vital. So this conversation is important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So how would you say kingdom people deal with their feelings.
Speaker 2:What I have learned from being discipled by the Lord is my feelings are a beautiful gift that God has given me and it's a gift that's intended to push me into him. And it's a gift that's intended to push me into him that, if not stewarded well, these feelings and these thoughts can turn me inward and push me into myself. That's detrimental.
Speaker 1:The best place for me to take my feelings is to Jesus and to have that discussion before him and let him filter through it before any breath is given to him. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think feelings can serve as announcements of where you are positionally in that moment. So if I'm feeling fear, if I'm feeling anxiety, then that's an announcement. It's like a warning sign that I'm not in Christ in that moment. I'm in my circumstance, because if I'm in Christ, fear is not allowed, anxiety is not allowed, and so these feelings are like the hand on the hot stove. The pain is an announcement that something's not right. You're in a place you shouldn't be Back up.
Speaker 2:So what would you do with feeling hurt, or feeling disappointed, or feeling I mean even the feelings that are we would term good? I mean, my belief is, feelings are just feelings. They're neither good or bad. It's what you do with them that makes them good or bad. But like loved or that's not really an announcement that you're outside of him? Yeah, if you feel hurt.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, so what should we do with those feelings of maybe that aren't as extreme as fear, anxiety, but maybe, on a different level, disappointment hurt?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think still, the place to take them is Him. I think we mishandle our emotions when we entrust them to either our own way of dealing with them or we entrust them primarily to other people way of dealing with them or we entrust them primarily to other people. I think being able to take our hurt and articulate it to the Lord and allow him to minister to our hearts could be a very beautiful healing thing. If I take my hurt first to you before going to the Lord with it, then I'm bringing you something that really doesn't belong to you, even if you were the one that caused the hurt. I'm bringing something to you and I'm dumping it off on you, but it doesn't belong to you and you're not the solution for it.
Speaker 2:God is not to say that I never bring it to you, but it it passes through the Lord first. You know, and I think you know oftentimes when we, when we vent or really quick to verbally express the way that we feel, we make the other person almost. You have to steward now the things that I've spoken to you, and I'm a firm believer that the source that we speak from is vital, and so if I'm speaking to you from a place of intense pain and hurt. From a place of intense pain and hurt, I almost have this picture of like. With my words and with my breath, I'm sowing these seeds into you, and when you receive those words they're gonna land and settle. And now you and the Lord are responsible for dealing with what springs up in your heart because of the things that I sowed into you. So it's better to go to the Lord first and share these things with him and come to a place of rest and then bring it to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so bringing it to somebody, whether they're the source of the feelings or if they're just a safe space to talk through them. That has to be step two.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, step one is wrestling with these feelings, with the Holy Spirit, in an internal process. Paul says in Romans 12, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So the mind is a place of transformation, it's the crucible where thoughts and feelings are forged into things that the Holy Spirit can say amen to when they come out as words, things that the Holy Spirit can say amen to when they come out as words. Until then, they're going through a process of transformation, of renewal. That's why the wise man holds his speech. The fool vents his emotions. The fool is venting something that hasn't gone through the process of renewal internally with the Holy Spirit. So that process of taking the thought captive, of taking the emotion captive, acknowledging that it is real.
Speaker 2:It is important, it has value.
Speaker 1:It's an important thing. It's a very real thing. Those feelings that we're feeling are genuinely real, but it doesn't make them true. But the moment we give language to them and speak them out as words, now we're responsible for these things. That may not be true, and Jesus says in Matthew 12 at the end of the age, we are going to be held accountable for these words yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:I think I remember this is years ago, but you were spending a lot of time in your office when we were in Iraq and the kids were very little and you had that quiet time. The door would be closed. It was like your prayer closet time. And I remember being so frustrated because I kept thinking like, where's my time? I don't get that time. I'm here. Kids are running all over the place. You know, I think we had a dog at the time.
Speaker 2:He's in and out of the house and I was so frustrated and so angry and I thought in my mind surely the Lord is on my side, like he was going to be the friend I would go to that would coddle me and say bless your heart. This is terrible. I feel so bad for you. So, praise God. I had my wits about me. I went to the Lord and I'm like Lord, you have to fix this. Like he doesn't, he's doing this, he's doing that.
Speaker 2:I mean thinking in my mind surely he's on my side, not really knowing. He's on your side and my side and he is after my heart, with me. He gets to handle you however. He handles you, but he's after my heart and that's what he wants to talk about. So I'm like getting all these things out before the Lord and he stops me and he points me back to scripture and says right now you're after what's his, and that is why there is so much chaos and swirl on the inside. You're not created to be after what's his. You're created to receive what I have for you.
Speaker 2:And it was like in that moment every bit of frustration disappeared. I never needed to come to you and have this discussion because I went to the Lord first and he settled my heart. So I think a lot of it is. Do we trust that Jesus is enough? Do we trust that we can go to him and that he hears and that he's going to speak to our hearts and heal our hearts? Or do we want that immediate reaction from somebody that we can sit face to face with? You know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think the majority of the conversations that are emotion-based are us just venting and, like you said earlier, right now we're in a cultural moment where venting is applauded, it's encouraged, but scripturally, that's not the way of the kingdom. We use the example the other day the vent on the dryer. All it's doing is just releasing into the air things that are going on internally. It's not accomplishing anything in terms of producing something good. It's just releasing out into the atmosphere the junk that's going on inside of the dryer, that needs to get out. That's what happens when we vent our feelings. We are releasing something toxic that's going on inside. We're releasing it into the atmosphere and that has power it the world around us yeah, we're sowing seeds into people from that like venting.
Speaker 2:yeah, I just have this picture of us sowing seeds with our words and we get to choose. Are we sowing seeds that are gonna to bear good fruit, or are we Galatians 6, sowing seeds that are flesh, that are corruptible? They're not spirit seeds, they're flesh seeds and there's going to be a harvest either way. And do we want to reap the harvest of the seeds that we've sowed with words that issue from a place of flesh and chaos? I mean, that's you know, when we're held accountable for the things that we say, it's going to feel like something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and this is what it means to be disciplined. This is what it means to be someone who understands the ways of the kingdom, walks with a sense of discipline with their speech. If you look through the book of Proverbs, I'd encourage everyone to just take a few days read through the book of Proverbs. I'd encourage everyone to just take a few days read through the book of Proverbs and you'll notice the characteristics of the wise compared to the characteristics of the foolish, and one of the common characteristics is the foolish have no discipline over their speech.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's the goodness of the Lord. No, I know it's the goodness of the Lord that we feel things so deeply, because it really is this current that is intended to push us into Him, not into ourselves, not into other people, but to drive us into His heart.
Speaker 1:All right, here comes an extreme statement. Oh gosh.
Speaker 2:We're going to do Podcast part two.
Speaker 1:I believe that if we insist on airing out our emotions and venting our feelings, it's an announcement that we don't understand the power of prayer.
Speaker 2:Oh Okay.
Speaker 1:Meaning.
Speaker 2:No, I get you. Yeah, that's a good one If.
Speaker 1:I have to come to you with my feelings. It means I don't know how to go to God with my feelings.
Speaker 2:And I don't trust that he's going to be able to reconcile my feelings with truth.
Speaker 1:Hmm, If I trust that I can lock myself in a room for an hour, pray in tongues and come out better, why do I need to go to you with my feelings? I can go to God and he can form and fashion. He can transform and renew my mind through prayer, something that no other person ever could.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I think too, those feelings really can be used to transform our heart, you know, for our heart to become pliable, for the Lord to transform us and to shape us. It's a. They are wonderful opportunities to run to him and to sit with him. I wanted to share something from Jeremiah 17. I was thinking about this and I actually didn't realize, until I kind of dove in and started reading, that these two things were connected.
Speaker 2:But the Lord says, when he's talking about the sins of Judah, he encourages and said blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He's like a tree planted by water. It's someone bears fruit in all season and then it switches. And he says the heart is deceitful, above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart. I, the Lord, test the mind. The other translations are filter through feelings, and so it's. I feel like it's this beautiful encouragement from the Lord your heart is deceitful. Don't trust in that. Trust in the Lord, because blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord. He bears fruit, good fruit, in every season, because he knows where to take these thoughts of the heart. I love that so good. Yeah, the Lord loves purity, and mixture is a space that he doesn't move in.
Speaker 2:And how could it be that our prayer life lacks authority? Could it be that our delivery of the gospel with the people who are unsaved around us that it lacks authority? Could it be that you know the words that we speak when you know people are sick and we pray for them to be healed? Could it be that these things lack authority because our words have duplicity in them? On one hand we're venting things that are flesh and then we go to the same source and try to pull life seeds out of it, like there's mixture in there and the lord desires to use a people who walk with authority, whose breath and words carry authority, and it's important to him that our words are stewarded well, that we don't become this like pool of unfiltered things that we have to just vent to other human beings.
Speaker 1:Like what scripture says can you have saltwater and freshwater flow from the same source? Yeah, yeah, rhetorical question though, yeah, okay, so let's sum it up. What are some of the takeaways? Okay, let me, let me ask a question and you, you summarize the answers.
Speaker 2:Okay, no pressure.
Speaker 1:What do we do with these feelings that are very real?
Speaker 2:Yes, I would say that we allow our feelings to drive us into the heart of God. I see feelings as vehicles that take us into his heart. We can either draw into ourselves or be pushed into him, and I believe that God gave us feelings and emotions. They're important to him, they're important to us, they're vital because they push us into his heart and they announce okay, something's going on here. You know it needs healing, it needs, you know. Is there an ungodly belief? Now? Is there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, are feelings bad.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Okay. When is it okay to bring a feeling to another person to process?
Speaker 2:I think after for me personally, and the way that I've raised the girls and the boys, raised the girls and the boys is feelings go to the Lord first and we allow him to sort through it, to address our hearts, and then, when we feel released to share with someone else, then we do it, but we go to him first. It's like our feelings filter. They're dangerous outside of that, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Practicing taking your feelings and emotions to God first is really an act of faith and an act of trust. An act of faith and an act of trust and the Lord loves faith and the Lord loves when we trust in him. So you can believe. If this is something that you're doing and you're shaky because your only experience is I vent to my best friend and she's okay with it and this is just how we do. If that's been your only experience and you make the shift to say, okay, what happens if I start to go to the lord first? It's gonna feel shaky and it's gonna feel like I don't know if this works, but it does. The lord is near when we're leaning on faith and we're trusting him to shepherd our hearts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so let's encourage people to test the Lord on this. Take the feeling to him in prayer, discipline ourselves to not do, maybe, what we've done in the past, which is vent our feelings to our close friend or whoever it might be. Instead, take the feelings to God, test him on this and see what he does, and can we make the guarantee that he will transform us by the renewing of our minds?
Speaker 2:Yes, I believe maybe I would say 10 out of 10 times, it's like 100% of the time. If we sit with him long enough, he will soften our heart to the people who've hurt us or offended us. He'll soften our heart and he'll heal our heart, and if it's something that he needs to address in us, he'll soften our heart and he'll heal our heart, and if it's something that he needs to address in us, he'll do that.
Speaker 1:You just said something that is key If we sit with him long enough. All right, this was fun.
Speaker 2:The title should be this was fun. Oh man, it was fun.
Speaker 1:You actually made me feel a certain way the other day. I'd like to talk about that.
Speaker 2:You see my blank stare. I was like wait, what this was fun.