When Intimacy Goes Wrong and Money Goes Missing

We dive deep into the uncomfortable realities of dating, relationships, and personal hygiene that nobody wants to talk about but everyone needs to hear. From mortifying intimate encounters to financial decisions that make or break relationships, this episode doesn't hold back on the messy truths of adulthood.

• Dating dynamics in your 30s and the evolution of relationship labels
• Home renovation horror stories when trying to save money with the wrong contractor
• Using home equity lines of credit for kitchen renovations against better judgment
• The shocking story of a hygiene disaster during an intimate moment
• Personal finance discussions about 401k plans and retirement savings
• Nostalgic memories of club experiences and music from the early 2010s
• How relationship expectations change as we move through different life stages
• The importance of basic hygiene practices before intimate encounters

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Chapters

• 0:25 Welcome to According to Wes
• 5:26 Dating Stories & Personal Mishaps
• 20:37 Household Projects & Budget Negotiations
• 30:40 The Embarrassing Bathroom Encounter
• 41:32 Finances & 401k Discussions
• 48:33 Reminiscing About Club Days

Transcript

DeLaw 0:00

First off, when we in our 30s, do you make any? Do you officially say, hey, you're my girlfriend, or do is this a general understanding that we can get?

Wes 0:06

I wasn't dating in my 30s, so I can't really say.

DeLaw 0:09

Oh, okay, well, when you were in your upper 20s. Well, no, you've been married what. You've been married eight years, right.

Welcome to According to Wes

Wes 0:16

I don't know, maybe Everybody. Welcome to another episode of the According to Wes podcast, where strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and weak minds discuss people. Which one will we discuss today?

DeLaw 0:35

I always say we're the other, because we discuss every other thing.

Wes 0:41

We got D-Law here.

DeLaw 0:43

You got D-Law here. You got D-Law was sober for five days in this weekend, aside the drink you got me, wes.

Wes 0:51

I was tired of hearing D-Law say that he's sober five days every other five days. Hey look, you seen that video, the dude, he looking in the mirror like the mirror selfie and shit, and he's like this is day one of not beating my meat. This is day two of not beating my meat. Then he goes back this is day one of not beating my meat. This is day two of not beating my meat. And then he goes this is day three of not beating my meat. This is day one of not beating my meat. This, this is still day one, but a couple hours of that being my meat. I'm like nigga, you just beat me in between.

DeLaw 1:30

It can't be no worse than the white guy that said all right guys, I got my first black girlfriend. This is day one of having a black girlfriend.

Wes 1:38

Oh, yeah, he got to one year First off he was a short-ass white dude.

DeLaw 1:45

Now he became a 6'2 black guy with locks. That's one year to date a black woman First off. I've been dating black women since I was a kid and I ain't never get taller. I never get taller. I ain't grow no locks. I didn't start growing the real cool facial hair.

Wes 2:06

I don't think I ain't gonna say that.

DeLaw 2:09

I was born with my black gift.

Wes 2:12

That's about it true, indeed, true indeed.

DeLaw 2:18

I was born with my black gift. That's about it, man true?

Wes 2:23

yeah, man, the world is, the world is. The world is grumbling. I say that every day, though. Yes, you do every week, every day, to myself hey, I'm ready for the summer. Only get worse or get better, I don't know whatever you do, don't drink St Ives. What's wrong with St Ives that?

DeLaw 2:48

shit's nasty.

Wes 2:50

Oh.

DeLaw 2:50

That shit's nasty.

Wes 2:52

I thought you was about to say something like yo. Some guy was caught jerking off into bottles of St Ives and then the stock went down or some shit like that.

DeLaw 2:59

Nah nope, that's just nasty. So my homeboy, he drinks it every day. Every day I was like he drank at least two, three cans a day, and so you know it's malt liquor. Yeah, I know, I was like you know what, I'm going to try this shit, all right.

Wes 3:18

I'm not going back to malt liquor.

DeLaw 3:22

That shit started tearing my stomach up. I said maybe my stomach just booze you a shit Like that shit started tearing my stomach up. I said maybe my stomach is bougie as shit. There's no way that this shit is that bad. That's either my stomach bougie as shit or I need to stick to stay in my lane with just regular liquor and fucking Bud Light, platinums and Coronas.

Wes 3:40

Shit. Look, I got bougie taste buds. I'm not ashamed of that. I'm an adult now. So listen, I don't work hard and deal with other people's bullshit to not be able to eat and drink the shit that I want to eat and drink. So it is what it is. I'm not trying to look at you again. I had that one experience I was telling you about, like when I was like 18. I'm just like nah, it's not for me, the smell of it is nasty to. I had that one experience I was telling you about when I was like 18. I'm just like nah, it's not for me, the smell of it is nasty to me.

DeLaw 4:10

I told my boy I said I drank that St Ives that day. I couldn't even finish the second half of the can. I was like I would have rather drank Old English or 2-11. And he's like nah, nah. I was like man, it's such awesome he must have been down. He said nah, nah, man. He said it's like $3, some change. I said I ain't talking about the price of it, I'm talking about the nastiness of it.

Dating Stories & Personal Mishaps

Wes 4:37

So they're looking for that hit to hit you over the head and I get that, I get it. I'm not starting my, I'm not starting or ending my day with any of that. You're on my drinking day, you know what I mean. Like, if it's, you know you're doing some day drinking and shit like that, I'm not ending it or starting it, or even in the middle of anything I do morning drinking, morning and afternoon drinking Listen, it ain't nothing wrong with that. If you know you ain't got shit to do that day, ain't nothing wrong with that shit. I used to do that and just like fucking watch. Not watch but just listen to music and let that breeze come in through the screen and porch. That's why I'm like yo, I get this girl. I know I say this shit all the time and that little speaker right there sitting on that screen in porch sipping on a Saturday Especially if it ain't a day I got to cut the grass Shit Ring on the summer.

Wes 5:35

Just came back from the Home Depot myself. Sounds fun Getting shit ready. No, it's not. I mean it is, but it's not. A couple things I need to fucking replace around the house, like the dryer vent holes that's getting clogged up with fucking lint and shit. I had that bitch on for about two, three years. Trying to replace that.

DeLaw 5:58

Yeah, the wife convinced me to use our home equity line of credit to redo the kitchen that somebody else fucked up.

Wes 6:10

What Hold on, hold on. Let me do this.

DeLaw 6:12

Remember we were getting our kitchen redone and she wanted to do it on a budget. So she called her sister's ex-boyfriend who said that he could do it. I'm not going to say he did a horrible job, but he did a horrible job, ex -boyfriend who said that he could do it. I'm not going to say he did a horrible job, but he did. He didn't do the best and it got to a point my wife was down there doing some of the work.

Wes 6:34

I'm like nah, come on now. That's why we paying some money.

DeLaw 6:38

It don't look right, it's running. It's this. I said that's because he's painting. He's painting it while it's still in the cabinet instead of taking the cabinets down. Of course it's going to run. I get it Now. You're doing it.

Wes 6:50

No, no, no. What's running the paint shouldn't run it was a stain. The stain ran. He didn't clean the walls. What are we saying? What is he painting?

DeLaw 7:00

The original cabinets. If you look from a distance it doesn. So the original cabinets, yeah, so the original cabinets. Now, mind you, the cabinets if you look from a distance doesn't look bad, it's once you're up on it. Oh okay, so like where I'm at, Did he sand the cabinets so you can kind of see the cabinets? It don't look bad, it looks shiny. But that's from a distance.

Wes 7:16

Did he sand them?

DeLaw 7:18

No, he didn't. That's the problem. Right, he painted right over it and everything else. He's like well, I should stain it, bob, all right, cool. Now the part he did the best at that was still suspect and I think he just mismeasured was the countertops. But he couldn't round the countertops either, so he kind of he didn't have a no, I'm all right yeah look Once again on a budget.

Wes 7:47

Yeah, but budget means you don't get the best material that you want. It doesn't mean you don't get the the uh, what am I saying? The things that's needed, like accurate measuring I'm not fucking have budgeting. Measuring, I'm budgeting. Am I getting granted or am I getting courts?

DeLaw 7:59

that's what I'm budgeting well, you know my wife, the loving and heartfelt person she is, and non-listening. I told her. I said why don't we just start building up some money, get some quotes and we can save up to that so we can get it done right? She said no, we want it done now.

Wes 8:19

That's not like my wife.

DeLaw 8:21

So now we got a home equity line. We were doing a home equity line to do this stuff with the timeshares, right? Oh, yeah, I remember and everything else. Yeah, this is like well, if we're going to do that, then I want a new kitchen. We literally, less than a year ago, tried to do a kitchen. So just because you fucked it up and used your money and everything else for it, now you want a new kitchen. No, and I told her. I said, if we get a new kitchen, I don't want to hear nothing about no new anything. No time soon. Me Ignoring you. Yes, yes, I am bitch. Every other month I want to move the living room around. Why it looks man-cavish. You moved it.

Wes 9:17

You moved everything it sounds like Mrs Smith wants new furniture. She wants a different style, which ain't bad Women know how to spend money. Tell me about it.

DeLaw 9:36

And then get mad at you when you ain't got money to help fund it.

Wes 9:41

They get mad at you when you tell them, no, I can have the money. The answer is still no, don't matter if I got the money.

DeLaw 9:48

No, no, I want to do something with the kids. I said, well, look, how about this? How about we find a quote for the floor? So we found a quote for a floor.

Wes 9:58

I can do the floor yourself.

DeLaw 10:01

Found a quote for the floor. Okay, the quote for the floor came out to. I want to say 1400. That's not bad and she's like she was always going. It's going to cost at least six, seven thousand for somebody to come do it. I said no, it's what I said six, seven thousands to do what, what type of floor?

Wes 10:21

you trying good to get Heated floors. That'd be nice In the kitchen. You don't want heated floors in the kitchen, you want that in the bathroom.

DeLaw 10:29

Yeah, but nonetheless I'm like. First off, we don't have a big floor at my parents' house. We got to do the whole house. It's literally 2,400, I mean 240 square feet. That ain't big yeah At that. If someone charges $6,000, nigga you tripping? Yeah, you're going to have to bounce yeah For 240 square feet. And you want how much? Oh hell, no, nigga.

Wes 10:55

Here's the thing In some cases, depending on what your floor is made of, the material that you can use is so thin but so stylish as far as like interlocking and stuff like that. You can do that over the fucking floor that's already there and call it a day but the bigger issue is that our floor has a a hill.

DeLaw 11:16

Wow, from what I gather so you remember our old water heater that went leaking. I remember recording, yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently that wasn't the first time that that water heater went leaking, like that and it leaked in that spot. And I think it leaked in the kitchen when they did all the cleaning up. Yeah, that's what I think. So I'm worried about when they pull up this old flooring.

Wes 11:43

How much more is going to?

DeLaw 11:44

cost you Right, I got you At this point is either make do and let it still have the hill, or fix the fucking hill and let's keep it rolling All right, so put it this way the floor.

Wes 11:55

Don't feel bouncy, do it?

DeLaw 11:59

Between where the slope is, it feels bouncy because it dips.

Wes 12:06

So when you said hill, you mean I'm thinking up and down, you mean Like a slope coming down.

DeLaw 12:13

Okay, that's not a hill.

Wes 12:15

That's a slope, that's damage. Yeah, it's going to be some money. As a matter of fact, the thing is should we get a new floor, should we repair this? And, in the grand scheme of things, you're going to have to get a new floor.

DeLaw 12:30

So either they want, because they're going to have to do something to even level it, I don't know, because it looks like this. So here's what it looks like.

Wes 12:37

And y'all don't have a basement right, no so here's what it looks like.

DeLaw 12:46

I think the guy who did the work on it before the guy who sold the house, he brought some of his guys and they fixed it up enough and they kind of cleared out the stuff that was damaged and then put the floor on top of it and kept it raw yeah, the problem has been crazy.

Wes 13:00

It's been crazy crazy. I was reading something and it was saying, like the like it's the worst. It's been crazy crazy. I was reading something and it was saying like the like it's the worst it's been in like years. Well, at least in this country, shoot the fucking. The cat was with his hero. Yeah, he was selling. Yeah, jeez louise.

DeLaw 13:22

I said what? So my wife's like he's a cat, I ain't worried about it. I was like how are you? I said what? So my wife's like, oh, he's a cat, I ain't worried about it. I'm like he's pulling out his hair.

Wes 13:29

You're not worried about it.

DeLaw 13:31

You know, in my head I'm like eh, eh, eh, I would be worried about that.

Wes 13:36

That's not a Right.

DeLaw 13:39

Well, my, my, my supervisor says her cat does the same thing she need. My supervisor says her cat does the same thing. She didn't even worry about it too. She didn't even worry about it too. Fucking cat got an allergy. So eventually they gave him whatever medicine to get him to stop itching. And so he don't itch now, but he was.

DeLaw 13:59

Every time we thought it was going to heal it, the, the, the scabs. They wouldn't heal like they did when they gave them the medicine and stuff. They would heal and puff up. I was like what is that? I said that ain't normal. There's no way you could tell me this is normal. Oh, yeah, no, it's normal. No, that is not. That is nowhere close to normal. But hey, you know, my wife said, oh, I know Beth, and she's like I didn't know that could happen. Nigga, yeah, nigga, come on.

DeLaw 14:41

So cat guy allergies. Right now I don't think he's too bad. He finishes doses of medicine that he's supposed to take. But I think my wife scratched him in the head or something and agitated it. Yeah, and he's been a little bit more aggressive than normal. He normally isn't as aggressive as he's been these past couple days, but also when he gets nice outside. He do be wanting to go outside. He do get a tad bit aggressive, like a tad Not like a whole lot, but he do get a little Like he'll get up on the bed and bite you like, let me out, I'm ready to get out, and then once that time goes that he don't want to go outside or nothing, then he don't bother nobody. But yeah, you know he's been a little extra aggressive for a long time, yeah, but hey, shit happens so remember, in the beginning I said with strong minds discuss, and with weak minds discuss.

Wes 15:53

Yeah, we're going to be weak today probably going to be weak yes, we're going to could be worse we're going to discuss these two people.

Wes 16:03

They're in a relationship, open relationship, or no? No, no, they, you know they together, just them, as far as I know.

Wes 16:14

And something happened and yeah. So she states Alright, I'm going to say the title and then I'm going to go write it my boyfriend ate me out. And when he was done he had poo on his nose. Never been more mortified.

Wes 16:48

My boyfriend, 22, wanted to eat me out, but his parents were home. I'm 24 and said we shouldn't. But he was so turned on and I was turned on. So I said, okay, we went into one of the upstairs bathrooms, went to one of the upstairs bathrooms and you went to town on me if I didn't have it. Um, if I, what? If I didn't have a chance to use wow, I didn't have a chance to use wet wipes to clean myself up everything nicely before he, before he does, I usually encourage him to eat me out from the back. No, eat me out while I'm on my. Eat me out while I'm on my back. She don't know how to spell eat or write a sentence. Eat me out with me on my back. And that grammar. And today he insisted on me being on my belly over the sink because he's a butt guy.

DeLaw 17:47

I don't even know how to sponsor him. I was mortified I was mortified.

Wes 17:57

I was mortified that afterwards, when he went back to his room, he had a smear of poo on his nose. I eat a very clean diet, except today, god damn taco bell. Even though I had to use a wet wipe earlier, things weren't, weren't clean as a whistle in the butt dimension. He didn't address it and kept it cool, said it was so hot. I gave him a bj and swallow, so you don't normally swallow.

DeLaw 18:25

Yo yo. Yo Said it was so hot. I gave him a BJ and swallowed.

Wes 18:26

So you don't normally swallow Yo yo, yo yo. He said after we should do it earlier. We should do it earlier in the day, and I felt so embarrassed by that. I don't know why, but I think it's because I'm not normally that gross in the butt. Six years of dating and this never, ever happened. He didn't even clean his smear pool off his nose.

DeLaw 18:53

You crazy.

Wes 18:53

I lit my finger I lit my finger to run it off and then I realized it wasn't coming off and it was brown. I went and got a tissue no wet wipes and licked the paper to then apply it to his skin to clean it off his nose. I'm back at my apartment. I'm too stressed to go to the bathroom and see what he had to deal with and, by the way, my undies are spotless. I don't believe you. I texted him so I could be transparent about it and prevent it from happening again, and he only said he needed to buy wet wipes. I'm not allergic to it's probably fine, but I want to die inside. I hope he gets more chatty again.

Wes 19:41

He seemed very deadpan and sweet after the whole situation that bitch got a dirty butt yo when I when I read that I'm just like dog for him to do that he ain't smell none especially that, not, it is on his nose no, not even that.

Wes 20:10

like yo, you eating that joint from the back, you gotta spread her cheeks a little bit. Or you know what I mean, like maybe, no, not even that, like yo, you eating that joint from the back, you got to spread her cheeks a little bit. Or you know what I mean, like maybe you ain't smell nothing. You ain't smell, like yo, it's kind of shitty in here, nothing.

DeLaw 20:29

You ain't look. That's the part that gets me.

Wes 20:32

Did he not look when I read that I'm like me? Did he not look when I read that?

Household Projects & Budget Negotiations

Wes 20:34

I'm like yo, I always look. It's been times I've seen pieces of tissue in that motherfucker before hitting him from the back like he's just like yo. Go take a shower. Like come on now, how the fuck you don't look and as a woman I would think you would fight tooth and nail to be like, nah, it's not happening. And you ain't got to tell them why it's not happening, because you got to know if you, you know so fresh and so clean and if you got a feeling that you're not, that's just like yo.

Wes 21:06

Like my wife offered me a bj, if I know I've been hooping or doing whatever, or I got a quote unquote walk, but like I've been walking all day, so stuff still might be a little bit. I'm like, let me have a shower. I'm going to be, I'm just going to be a quick shower and then I'm I'm, I'm, I'm yours, let me go do that, cause I don't never want to up Like I want my dicks up. So as a woman I would think she want her pussy ate constantly, consistently. You'll never want to fuck that up.

DeLaw 21:44

Yeah, that's definition for it. You don't fuck this up shall we. Yeah, I'm like yo, yo I could never, I ain't looking at that shit, no more. The fact that he I guess literally he eats I mean I don't know he got beans like like to eat it from the back. I ain't never ate no shit from the back. I'm afraid I'm gonna get shit on my nose.

Wes 22:05

Nah, I've done that. It ain't something I do often, but I've done it. It's just one of those things where it's just like I'm scoping shit out too, and there's a way that you do it when you ain't really you know what I mean. You might want to go like this, spread the cheeks a little bit, slap it she, thinking you, you know being, you know sexual and some foreplay shit or whatever have you. But I'm checking. I'm like what the fuck might put my thumb in that motherfucker for a little bit. You know bowling ball or thumb in the bowl, two fingers in the. You know what I mean. Like yo, you do that shit, why not? It ain't something I do all the time, but you know I have partake. There's no way I'm not checking it out. I don't care if it's been six years of dating. Why the six years of dating? That's crazy. But I don't care if it's been six years of dating. Why is it six years of dating?

DeLaw 22:53

That's crazy. But I don't care if it's. You know me, that's where I was going, Like that's the problem.

Wes 22:59

You got to be together six years. There's no way. There's no way. And if that would have happened I ain't going to lie, I don't know if my shorty up to my mom's, my parents' I shouldn't have did that at my parents' house.

DeLaw 23:17

Well, not just that, why are you still dating after six years? Six years? You should know. You gotta keep that ass clean.

Wes 23:23

Here's the thing. Yeah, you should. Here's the fact that she said my diet isn't as messy it was messy today. I'm like what the fuck was that then? And if you know that, why are you going to let him eat this shit? Why, why, why? You know how mad I would be.

DeLaw 23:45

So you're just going to have me go down there. You know I'm about to eat it from the back and then you're just going to act like you ain't wipe your ass. You know I'm about to hit it from the back and then you're just going to act like you ain't wipe your ass. You said you knew your butt was shitty when you wiped with the first little drink that's what I'm saying.

Wes 24:00

You wiped till. There's nothing left.

DeLaw 24:03

That's what I was always taught even if you gotta say, hey, I need some more toilet paper wiped till you ain't got nothing left. It's been times I just don't nothing left.

Wes 24:12

No, it's been times I just don't understand that like it's been times with women like that was the one in general. Like you know, you're hitting that shit from the back or whatever. You just hitting that shit, motherfuckers start farting and shit like that. Or you know, arrogant motherfuckers too juicy or some shit like that. I had a girl hop, literally like I didn't fart, and I'm like I ain't think, or some shit like that, you'd be a shit. I had a girl hop, literally like that I didn't fart, and I'm like I ain't think you did relax, like more like embarrassed, and I'm like yo, I get it, I get it.

DeLaw 24:40

I don't hit James from the back and like, right when I'm getting into it I can smell the ass. I ain't like yo, like there ain't no way your ass went like this, never been in that situation.

Wes 24:51

Fuck that on the whim shit. Nigga never been in that situation.

DeLaw 24:56

I be like yo man, if I had a drink? I ain't never been in that and I look down at my shirt, I'm like yeah, I remember you, you telling me the story and I saw. You know, like you know, people get the little marks on. I'm like yo. I got this bitches fucking asterisks on my shirt and I was like this shit smell like ass. I'm like yo, I gotta go home. I'm gonna smell ass all the way home nah, nah, nah, nah, I am.

Wes 25:30

I'm very fortunate and blessed to say that each and every time I ain't never had nothing like that and they knew I was coming over or they knew what time it was, like they prepared for it. Even if we was going to do something in the car, shit after the movie, or whatever have you, she, prepared for it? So it was just like yo. I ain't never had no weird smells. Only thing I've gotten was like yo, it's a piece of tissue right there, not a big piece of tissue, there's a little piece of tissue. I'm like um, man, it don't stink. So I'm back here. It is what it is, lucky you. It is what it is my. But yeah, I, um, I mean, but yeah, I, I mean. Shout out to her for sharing her story wipe your ass.

DeLaw 26:18

Nigga wipe your ass. So how you? 401k doing man my 401k doing man.

Wes 26:35

My 401k or your 457 or your 25070 or some shit.

DeLaw 26:41

Well, you know, with my first two years in the state, I didn't do it, so I just started my you started at the worst time.

Wes 26:51

Yeah, I just started my, you started yours at the worst time.

DeLaw 26:53

Yeah, I just started mine, so we'll see how it goes. I ain't putting a lot, I don't got a lot of money to put into it, but I'm just putting what I can. I'm pretty sure all I got is maybe about 60 bucks in there right now. 60 bucks, I mean I already started in January, like January, september, so and then I'm about to stop one of them because it's not a Roth, it's a, it's a pre-tax. So I'm about to stop that. I'm going to just take the split, the money I was putting into that one, and throw it into the other two. I mean, what am I going to do with this $30 that's in that one? I really wanted to be like can I pull this out, take the penalty and put it?

Wes 27:43

somewhere else. Yeah, you can roll it over. You ain't got to do that. You can just ask them if you're going to roll it over to someone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just talk to your.

DeLaw 27:52

Uh, whoever you would, we do that well, the state of maryland got their own.

Wes 27:56

That they do oh yeah, this terror, shit ain't uh scaring you no why not?

DeLaw 28:10

um, because I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s, when shit was bad anyway, you weren't an adult back then.

Wes 28:19

Nah, I was a kid. That don't apply it applies. Alright, if I can make it through that wait till you find out your white claws ain't from the United States and they from some key ingredients from India or some shit like that. Or the aluminum is coming from China for the cans.

DeLaw 28:39

You think they're lacing them with fentanyl?

Wes 28:41

No, I'm saying they might cost a little bit more.

DeLaw 28:45

Look, they start costing too much. I already pre-stockpiled. You can see that right there in the picture. That's true. There ain't no price on this over here. It's already paid for. So if anything, if I restock those last two bottles, I can start from this end over here, which is tequila, or I can start at the other end, which is rum, and work my way to tequila, or start with tequila and work my way over to rum.

Wes 29:19

Yeah.

DeLaw 29:20

I literally have. I got about 30 bottles over there, 18 shots in a bottle. Multiply that together I probably got two years of taking one shot a day.

Wes 29:35

We know you're not taking one shot a day.

DeLaw 29:39

If I open certain bottles, the wife might be like, let me get one too, Let me get one If I open the right bottle. I got to keep opening the wrong bottle, so I'll have enough alcohol for a year and a half until prices go down. I had to strategically do that, so I got to wait until Trump's second to the second half of his and then start that. One shot boom.

Wes 30:09

Yo, I ain't gonna lie, I'm not scared, I am. Yo, I ain't gonna lie, I'm not scared, I am. I guess I'm just worried about other people, if that makes any sense, like their disposition and shit. People tend to be a little like. Remember after COVID and everybody was starting to be let outside and everybody was just a little bit more aggressive because they had to sit inside where they love ones, and they couldn't take their asses.

The Embarrassing Bathroom Encounter

Wes 30:35

I will never remember, I will never forget the like when Russell Westbrook was playing for the Wizards. You know he was in a fight with the dude on the in the well, not almost, but in the stands and shit, because I think he threw a bunch of shit on him. I'm for no reason, I was like yo, so um, no, he threw something.

DeLaw 30:58

After he said something, westbrook said something to him. Uh, he says he, he said he called westbrook something and westbrook went over. So I was like who the fuck are you talking to? I'll beat your ass. And then he threw something. Man, that's what. That's that whole thing. Because he got one thing. He's like yeah, we get a lot of verbal abuse, but you don't call me no bitch or some shit like that. And it was a white dude too, yeah, you know what kills me?

DeLaw 31:32

The white dudes that got black characters on 2k. They say nigga, like we don't know the cadence of their voice.

Wes 31:35

I ain't never had that. I ain't never had that happen. I didn't even know that was a thing. So they be caught. They main character is a black person and they white. You don't think they just trolling just a little bit?

DeLaw 31:56

Put it this way they're out of the mind frame that there's people in the world that don't know that if you make a black character, it doesn't mean you're black. They assume that I'm a black character. They can't tell the difference if I'm white or not.

Wes 32:07

No, we can tell.

DeLaw 32:08

We can tell there was a dude. I remember it was 2K18. No, we can tell. We can tell there was a dude. I remember it was 2K18. I was on with my boy, rk, and Jizzle from the Pittsburgh guys that rap and RK was like yo. He's like nigga, you white. He's like yeah, yeah, I'm white. And why you got a black character? Oh, that was just a default character.

Wes 32:37

No, it ain't. Everyone knows it was. That was just a default character. No, it ain't we all. Everyone knows, and anything, the default character is always white. Any video game character always.

DeLaw 32:43

I don't know if 2k saves what my last character did, but my 2k character always looks the same every time I go into the default setting, really, yeah, so mine always comes out black. That's why my character always looks the same because it pops up as the same every time I go into the default setting. Really, yeah, so mine always comes out black. That's why my character always looks the same. It pops up as the same person again. I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

Wes 32:59

I'll be creating my face, restructuring and all that bullshit RK started trolling.

DeLaw 33:06

He's like so, do you wish you were a black person? He's like oh, no, no, no, it's just the default care. Are you sure you know? Do you say nigga or nigger? Valid, valid questions, valid questions, valid questions. I can only imagine the dude was like the right answer.

Wes 33:25

The right answer is what? Neither and I feel disrespected that you think I'm that type of white motherfucker. That is how you respond to that. Speaking of brown, because we just talked about a dude with shit on his nose and shit like that. Yo can you believe. What are some household items you think people are using as a lube nowadays? What are some household items you think people are using as a lube nowadays besides Vaseline? Besides Vaseline and baby oil and KY probably some shea butter that is on the list.

Wes 34:11

That is on the list. That is on the list some shea butter, maybe some.

DeLaw 34:19

Maybe they come down here get some vegetable oil olive oil.

Wes 34:25

Olive oil and coconut oil is on the list oh man, what about black seed oil? Nah, casserole Nope, that's the thickest shit, but somebody's using honey.

DeLaw 34:37

They won't be stuck in that thing forever.

Wes 34:40

Once you get it warm.

DeLaw 34:41

It does kind of lube it up. Or maybe they're using it so that when it comes out that they don't got to taste the dino and the penis and they just lick the honey off. I don't know Butter, butter.

Wes 34:51

Aloe vera Dino on the penis and they just lick the honey off, I don't know Butter. Butter Aloe vera.

DeLaw 34:57

We need a disclaimer on this one that this segment right here is not recommended for anyone and is not condoned.

Wes 35:06

CBD oil. That's the part I'm like yo. What are you doing? What are?

DeLaw 35:11

you doing? They're trying to relax the muscles in the penis.

Wes 35:14

No, I don't need that. Need no motherfucking tents. And ready to fight, ready to fight the good night. Here's the crazy thing that I don't understand Soaps and shampoo. I know you've been young when you was in the shower and you you washing up and shit like that and you accidentally get soap in your pee hole. That shit burn yeah. So I was just like yo. Why am I stroking to that?

DeLaw 35:41

Well, someone beating off with this.

Wes 35:42

No, they are, they were using. Yeah, they either be novel inserting that.

DeLaw 35:50

Now have I been showering and I got soap on me. She's like just put it in me. I'm like you sure that might burn.

Wes 35:57

Just do it all right, but I ain't never been in no situation like that. I don't care to be in a situation like that.

DeLaw 36:02

Soap and shampoo like come on now me and my wife was when we was at the hotel yo yo yo don't share.

Wes 36:08

Do not share that. Don't share that. She Do not share that. Don't share that. She's going to beat your ass. Do not share that.

DeLaw 36:15

I wouldn't give full details. It's one of the few times that we ever were in the shower together. We were young and dumb. I mean, mind you, we were in our mid to late 30s, but we were young and dumb, you know. You know, like we were young and dumb, she liked me, I liked her. We were in a hotel when we said well, shit, we might as well.

Wes 36:45

Yeah, I was going together.

DeLaw 36:47

Yeah, we were going together Exactly. You know how it is when you get to a certain age bracket. We all are adults and if that means that we have sex all over the place and never get married and we break up and move with somebody else, it is what it is. You're going to enjoy yourself each person you get, and that's where we were. He's like I don't know if we're going to be together, so I'm going to fuck your brains out and then just kind of wean myself off of it. I'm like alright, she didn't say that to you, that was verbatim you're lying verbatim.

Wes 37:22

I don't know if we gonna be together. She played you. She knew once she did that shit to you you wasn't leaving. She played you, you got played.

DeLaw 37:33

I got played. I was married.

Wes 37:40

She played you. I have never heard a woman say that I don't know if we're going. That's some toxic ex-boyfriend shit. I don't know if we're going to be together, but you know what? I'm going to give you this good dick and you know. If you feel like you want to stay, you can stay, but you know, I don't know what this is going to lead us. All the while he knew he was going to fuck her crazy and she was yeah.

DeLaw 38:07

I understand her motive behind that. I think it turned into when I asked her. I said why would you say that? Mind you, this is after we left the hotel and that whole weekend was over.

Wes 38:16

I ain't gonna do that while you're gone. What did she want you to do? To bring your A-game. She was like I ain't got time for this bullshit, Bring your A-game.

DeLaw 38:22

Well, what she told me was you don't want to make me your girlfriend. If we're not doing all we're doing is fucking, then I'm gonna do that until I'm tired of fucking you and then I'm gonna move on. You didn't hold on, you didn't want to make her your girl first off. When we in our 30s, do you make any? Do you officially say, hey, you're my girlfriend, or do?

Wes 38:48

is this a general understanding that I wasn't dating in my 30s, so I can't really say.

DeLaw 38:54

When you were in your upper 20s. You've been married eight years, right I don't know, maybe who believes that.

Wes 39:06

I know the day. I never know the years.

DeLaw 39:09

What year?

Wes 39:09

did y'all get married? I said I don't know the. I know the day. I don't know.

DeLaw 39:14

If I knew the year I'd be able to calculate that lord lord maybe 2018, I think, I don't know but I put this way I know for sure you weren't married in 2000, I want to say 2016. I know for sure you weren't married Because wasn't that the party? That was the party where I made the fried chicken for B's birthday, right? Was it 2016?

Wes 39:44

I'm not good. 2016, I definitely wasn't married because all in that year I graduated from college, I bought the house, still living with my mom. We already went through this, bought the house and was paying two, not paying two mortgages, paying the mortgage here and help pay a mortgage at my mom's house because she had lost her job. So I was like, well, shit, I'm out to stay here At my mom's house and I fixed up the joint. So that's 2016. I know, so that's 2016, 2017. So, yeah, I might've married my wife, 2018.

DeLaw 40:16

I think I don't know, I knew you weren't married then because when we came to that party that day, I think we were at their house, like that Sunday, and she was like, yeah, I can't. They were like for this party, I think it was a D's birthday party, and it was D's birthday party or B's birthday party. Well, nonetheless it was one of their birthdays. I don't remember this. I think it was D's birthday party. We were at the house, we did karaoke.

Wes 40:42

I was not there. I don't remember karaoke.

DeLaw 40:45

We did karaoke and D and them. They did their first dance. I don't remember they were out emceeding. I was like this, this the song for their first dance.

Wes 40:55

And and him, her, and there's some I must've been fucked up or drunk Like I do not, I don't remember.

Finances & 401k Discussions

DeLaw 41:04

We got there late. Where were they living at? They were living in um. They were living in C Pleasant, close to C Pleasant. Close to C Pleasant, not in C Pleasant, if I'm not mistaken. What was it? Glendale?

Wes 41:32

what was it?

DeLaw 41:33

Glendale no, it was close to C Pleale. No, it was close to C Pleasant. I remember that it was close to C Pleasant.

Wes 41:38

What is close to C? Pleasant to you.

DeLaw 41:40

It wasn't in C Pleasant, but it was in the surrounding area of C Pleasant.

Wes 41:46

When I think C Pleasant, I think MLK, c Pleasant Road, yeah, I don't even think C Pleasant Road, yeah, I don't even think uh, c Pleasant Road, I think I think C Pleasant Community Center, I think MLK, I think Arwick Armore, I think Glen Arden.

DeLaw 42:06

That's Glen Arden, yeah.

Wes 42:08

Further down. Where did they not live? They lived, though, by the stadium. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, oh no, no, no, no. The backside the house, yes, the house. Don't remember this party.

DeLaw 42:23

Damn.

Wes 42:23

Really, I don't remember this party. They had their seven-day.

DeLaw 42:28

Adventist friends over there and everything else and they were doing karaoke Remember.

Wes 42:34

Yeah, goddamn man.

DeLaw 42:36

yeah, remember what she do like maybe she sung a song and her boyfriend got up there and sung too and and rapped jay-z parts of what they did, drunk that was what that was.

Wes 42:46

I remember that, yeah, because b made him do that like do a dude, I was just like, oh my gosh, right I. I remember that I was drunk. I was drunk as a motherfucker.

DeLaw 42:59

So you weren't, I was there.

Wes 43:03

You were there.

DeLaw 43:04

But what I'm saying is you weren't married then. Because the whole conversation that came up was they told so my girl at the time. I said, yeah, they said you can't come. She said, the fuck. You mean I'm making jello shots and I'm coming. Your girl said that, yeah, that's what she said. I was like, oh, why'd they say she couldn't go? I don't know it was, it was, that was a question. We both asked a question, like you, because she told you you couldn't bring yours, I couldn't bring mine, told dad, and we both said she said, but with Nicole, whose husband died, she could bring her and her, her and her boyfriend can come, because he was trying to get him, get D, into the Secret Service so he could come, so they both could come, but we couldn't bring. I was like, well then, I ain't coming, well, he don't want you there, I don't remember any of this shit.

DeLaw 43:56

Come on, you got to remember that conversation. We weren't that drunk because that was the same night where. Here's the thing.

Wes 44:02

That was like what eight years down there, like what six years ago, seven years ago. So it was like no, I'm sorry, not seven, like nine years ago, it was like nine years ago. I'm not going to remember a particular, I barely remember being there, but I do remember that.

DeLaw 44:17

I'm trying to think because me and my girlfriend at the time, we broke up in 2018, right after my birthday, and so this part, this party, had to be 2017. Excuse me, how many are to be?

Wes 44:34

2017. Excuse me, how?

DeLaw 44:36

many are there. It had to be 2017. So, yeah, 2017, that's what it was. And you weren't married then Because you were like I got to mind fuck my girlfriend and said why now she can come? At that, I already told her she couldn't come. It's this, this and this. And then she was there. I don't know if it was your current wife. We were all there.

Wes 45:05

I was with my girl.

DeLaw 45:07

We were there with your girl, but when we all had the conversation, I remember because B fucking sung.

Wes 45:14

I remember now B sung her song and she jumped on my wife's lap and started singing her performance and shit like that. I remember this shit.

DeLaw 45:24

So that was who you're married to. Now. That was there.

Wes 45:27

That had to have been the only one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

DeLaw 45:32

So I'm the only one who.

Wes 45:35

I'm thinking that was it, because I'm like I had to try to remember that because they were at the house.

DeLaw 45:41

Yeah, I remember, yeah and um, yeah, I was like, so I can't bring her. Look, my girl was like, was like, she's like, oh really, it's her birthday. Okay, cool, I'm going to make jello shots and I got over there early.

Wes 46:01

I don't remember any of this. Like I was told, I don't know man.

DeLaw 46:05

When I told my girl about it, she pretty much said I'm making jello shots. And then she said she was coming. She didn't give a shit what B said with. B said she ain't giving a shit. She said I'm coming, you ain't going there without me, I'm making jello shots. So she brought the jello shots. I went over there early that morning and fried the chicken the chicken I ate. I fried the chicken. I came over there early in the day and I left. I came back and I was doing something in my room and I was running late and my girl called me like where the fuck are you at? I was like, oh shit, I didn't realize what time it was. So then she was like if we get over there there's no chicken, nigga, I'm gonna beat your ass. And we got over there. There was still a little bit of chicken left. I'm like thank God. And she did the Beyonce joint. If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it. Yeah, I remember that night.

Wes 46:52

Yeah, man, of course you can remember that night.

DeLaw 46:55

You know how drunk I was that night.

Wes 46:57

I mean you remembered her performing for the ring, wasn't?

DeLaw 46:59

you, I remember that. I remember other stuff that happened that day. I almost got myself in trouble, did you? Yeah, you remember her little skinny friend. Me and her used to mess around a little bit, but we weren't messing around. I took pictures with her. I think I texted her when I left. My girl seen the drink because we got a hotel room because I was so drunk. Yeah, it was a lot that went on. Man, lord, lord, lord.

Wes 47:32

I must have just went home, fucked and went to sleep.

DeLaw 47:35

That's what it sounds like, yeah.

Wes 47:39

Cause I don't remember. I remember bits and pieces of that night, damn. You know. I was just thinking about like the other night, friday night, I was sitting on the sofa and shit With my wife and I was just Listening to all the fucking songs from like 2012 and going up like all the 2009 10 maybe going up, that we was in the club to a lot of future, a lot of you know the old Drake and shit like that.

DeLaw 48:11

I forgot. You got, a couple years late, the only songs that were going on in the club at that time. Back that Ass Up and the Black National Anthem Knuck If you Buck. No, it wasn't.

Wes 48:23

Not 2012. Knuck, if you, buck, wasn't going on, I was in the club 2012.

Reminiscing About Club Days

DeLaw 48:28

I was in the club 2007 to 2000.

Wes 48:33

Those were not the songs. Those were not the songs. Those were not the songs.

DeLaw 48:39

Look, I'm a gat toward Higgins on your dance street. Nah, it was a lot.

Wes 48:50

It was a lot of Gucci, it was some future.

DeLaw 48:54

How close were you going to? You were supposed to go to the hood clubs.

Wes 48:59

Not really. Maybe. I mean that's when Right Out the Dream became Love and Ibiza was still in full effect. That whole strip now by Florida Ave. None of them clubs are there anymore. K Street Lounge K Street Lounge is not there, no more. I don't think.

DeLaw 49:19

Parks are there.

Wes 49:20

Yeah.

DeLaw 49:22

But they were playing. I guess when me and Hawaii went to the club a couple times, they were playing swag surf. You know what it was. I said 2012, so damn heavy. I couldn't tell what the hell was going on, I just knew this shit sounded good like. When I went to Miami with my ex, we uh, they played this song. They played soft by G Wells, rick Ross, meek Mill and Fab right, and I had no clue what this song was. You never, never, heard of Soft.

DeLaw 49:56

Maybe, Get some heavy bait. Have a couple drinks. Alright, have a couple drinks. I'm trying to tell you how I heard this song the first time. I want you to have that same experience. Have a couple drinks, get a little tipsy. Look up Soft by Joel Santana. It's off of God Willing. It's off of God Willing, his God Willing mixtape. So I'm calling it soft. Rick Ross does the hook. Meek Mill has a second verse, closes it out. Don't listen to Meek Mill's verse. It ain't as good as Fab or Jewel's, alright. But when you hear it and that bass in you Y'all whole niggas so soft and that shit hit you be like, oh shit, when I hear this song I'm in Miami, so I'm down there in Rick Ross' territory. That shit, I'm like yo, this shit cold.

Wes 50:50

Okay, you also was probably at a premium club and not like the shit.

DeLaw 50:55

We was at Cameo in Miami. At Cameo, us being from Maryland out here DC Maryland we get down there. It's about 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock. It's like why are you out here so early? We didn't know when the? Oh yeah, I think we got there like at 9 or 10. Yeah, we don't open till 12. No, oh yeah, I think we got there like at 9 or 10. Yeah, we don't open till 12. No, listen, we don't open till like 11, 12 oh, close up, here was closing like 1 1 right, so when we get back, we get back number 1.

DeLaw 51:30

My girl was like oh, this guy said that. No, the person said they're bringing a limousine from this hotel to here. I said, well, that's our hotel, I will find such and such and they will get you set up. So we paid him. I think I paid him like $100, maybe $102, $100, $106. We got all our drinks for free at the bar, at the hotel bar first off. Then it was a limousine ride there and then we got a limousine ride back. When the club was over I was already so fucked up I told her. I said let's roll the fuck out, yeah, and we left, got a taxi back. This is before Uber. We just said taxi. I let her do it because at that point she's sexy, so they're going to stop for her. I just didn't stand too close and then I hopped in the window. That's not God. You bring down old memories.

Wes 52:33

The good old days before I started eating pussy from the back. I can't even say the good old days, because I started eating pussy from the back.

DeLaw 52:37

I can't even say the good old days because I never ate no pussy from the back. We'll just say the days before my good days. Let me see, this is us at Cameo. You know what I'm saying? That's why I let her get the cat. The taxi, yeah. But yeah, that's, that's 2013. Damn, that's a. That's a. That's a young d law. That's uh, 12 years ago. What am I? I'm 39 now. That means I was 27 with this little 24-year-old. Yeah, she was younger than you. Yeah, she was considerably. She was the longest relationship I had with someone who was not old, who wasn't in my same age range or older.

Wes 53:32

Yeah, sure.

DeLaw 53:34

Because Hawaii was younger than me and me and Hawaii lasted like eight months. Hawaii was younger than me, me and Hawaii lasted like eight months. She was out of Hawaii. Yeah, she was out of Hawaii. It was funny how me and her got together. Me and Hawaii broke up. Me and her were always chilling. Eventually she broke up with her boyfriend. I was like well, I mean, you get to an age now where you're kind of knowing that you're sexy, you know, hey, look, oh my God, oh no, these women out here, they lucky. I'm married because Yo did.

DeLaw 54:16

You just get in trouble last week yeah, I did, but still, oh no, these women, they're lucky that I'm married, because these younger chicks, even though I might only fuck them one or two times before they realize like, alright, this ain, this ain't my, this ain't the type of nigga I'm trying to get at, but I can talk their panties off, you know, talk them panties, look. It ain't about whether or not we together or not At this day and age, from what I'm seeing from everybody that's single out here. This shit ain't about being together or building something or getting married, whatever. This whole shit is about what you can get from somebody and what you're not going to give them. And in my heyday I'd have been better than Pepe King.

Wes 55:09

On that note. On that note, young fellas out here continue to talk their panties off, but if they got shit slings in them, don't proceed.

DeLaw 55:21

And if you need a class on it, I'm charging $50 per class.

Wes 55:28

Thank everybody for tuning in. He gonna get himself in trouble. See you next time.