According To Wes

Talk is Cheap, Being is Priceless

• Wes • Episode 14

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Have you ever noticed how much time we spend talking about what it means to be good rather than actually being good? This paradox sits at the heart of today's episode, where we dive deep into Marcus Aurelius' timeless challenge: "Waste no time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."


Wes:

Welcome back to the Accordion of West podcast, the podcast where we explore the powerful virtues that shape our character. I'm your host, wes, and today we're talking about a quote that is as direct and powerful today as it was nearly 2000 years ago. It's a quote from the Roman emperor and stoic philosopher, marcus Aurelius, and it hits us with a simple, no-nonsense command Waste no time arguing about what a good man should be Be one. This quote cuts through all the philosophical debates, all the self-help books and all the well-intentioned plans. It's a direct challenge to the gap that exists between our ideals and our actions. We live in a world obsessed with talking about what's good, what's right, what's fair. We debate politics, we dissect morality on social media.

Wes:

And we spend hours planning how we'll become a better person next week, next month or next year, but, as Marcus Aurelius reminds us, all of that talk is a form of waste. This episode, we're going to unpack this idea. We'll explore why we fall into the trap of endless discussion, what it truly means to be one and, most importantly, how we can practically bridge the gap between our words and our deeds.

Wes:

So let's focus on the first part of that quote. Waste no time arguing about what a man should be. Think about how much of our lives we spend in this mental and verbal space. We read self-help books, listen to podcasts like this one. Please continue to listen and get lost in the endless scroll of online debates. And get lost in the endless scroll of online debates. We convince ourselves that by intellectually engaging with virtue, we are somehow becoming more virtuous, but as long as it remains in the realm of theory, it's just a distraction.

Wes:

The endless talk is a form of procrastination. It gives us a false sense of progress. We get a temporary high from feeling like we're on the other side of goodness Without having to do the difficult work of embodying it. It's the person who passionately talks about the importance of exercise but never goes to the gym. Or the leader who preaches integrity but cuts corners in private. It's a comfortable place to live because it allows us to feel virtuous without the risk of failure or the effort of change.

Wes:

Now for the second and most important part of the quote be one. This is not a suggestion. It's a command. The word be is an action word. It's a call to embody your values. It's a reminder that character is not a costume you put on. It's a quality that is built from the inside out through consistent action. So what does it mean to be one? It's moving from a state of knowing to a state of doing. For example, be patient. Don't just talk about being patient. Be patient with the person who cuts you off in traffic. Be patient with a loved one who is struggling. Be patient with yourself when learning a new skill. The act of consciously choosing patience is what builds it as a part of your character. Now I am, uh, I would like to call myself a very, very, very patient man, but one thing I do not have patience for, and I know this sounds fucked up.

Wes:

It's patience and me learning a new skill. Sometimes I'm like yo I need to know this today to affect my tomorrow. But I needed it last week and I know I can't be the only one that thinks that Like whenever, and I guess this is just me and my career and stuff like that. Like I'm always trying to learn the new hot, sexy thing, like I want to be that guy like the guru, the what do you call it? A shmee subject matter expert.

Wes:

That's what I thrive on. But the crazy thing is I also don't really want to be talking to people about those things at work, those things at work. But that's the one thing I do not have patience for is my ability to pick up this new skill quickly, and that might be because I I'm not interested in the skill, but that's you know, as I'm saying that out loud, that could be very well it, but hey, patience, I got all the patience for in traffic it's I don't know what you, I don't know what you holding, what you're packing, what you're dealing with. Like yo, you did that. I'm gonna take it as a you know that was a mistake and I'm gonna keep it moving. Um, I don't want none of that smoke Another example.

Wes:

Be honest. Be honest with yourself about your own flaws and weaknesses. Be honest with others, even when the truth is difficult or uncomfortable. That is where integrity is forged. I'm definitely honest about myself. I'm definitely honest with myself about my flaws. I know I'm a big procrastinator. I know I don't live in a moment. I know I mean well, but uh, sometimes I am not. I'm not reading the room properly.

Wes:

Be kind, don't just talk about kindness. A small, genuine act of kindness today, without expecting anything in return. Offer a sincere compliment, hold a door open for a stranger or simply listen to someone with your full attention. D cumulative effect of these acts is what defines you. Character isn't built in grand, sweeping gestures. It's built in the thousands of small daily choices you make. It's about doing the right thing, even when it's difficult, when no one else is there to applaud you. The being is not a destination. It's a daily practice. So how do we bridge this gap between our ideals and our actions? How do we move from arguing to being? There are a few practical steps you can start today. One you can identify one trait that you want to work on. Try not to embody all the virtues at once. You'll only overwhelm yourself. Pick just one quality that you want to work on.

Wes:

Maybe it's patience, maybe it's integrity, maybe it's courage. Yeah, maybe just focus on one thing for the next week. Sometimes it's as simple as taking one small action. Break that virtue down into a single, concrete and manageable action that you can take today. For integrity, it could be keeping a small promise you made. For courage, it could be asking one difficult question in a meeting. For patience, it could be taking three deep breaths before you respond to a frustrating email.

Wes:

You can also practice mindful awareness Throughout your day. Be present and aware of the opportunities to act on chosen virtue. The key is to notice the moment when the choice presents itself, the moment you feel frustrated, the moment you are tempted to lie, the moment you are, you feel a surge of fear and also just accept the imperfection of it all. I mean you will fail, you will make mistakes.

Wes:

The goal isn't to be perfect. It's the goal to be a person who is constantly trying, constantly learning and constantly getting back on that path, the path of uh, you know, the path of being. The being is in the trying. Now this quote resonates with me because I've been told that I have a problem with showing up for my friends and showing up for my family as far as like support, like they feel like I do the bare minimum when it comes to things, the impression that I am I can't be bothered or I really don't care about them because of the effort I'm not putting into into them and so our relationships and and it took for me to hear that let's just say too many times for, for, for comfort to uh, to want to change that about myself or begin to change that about myself.

Wes:

Um, and most recently, I was talking to one of my friends and you know, uh, they were going through something I'm not I'm not going to discuss on the podcast, but it was one of those things where I was, you know, since I'm trying to be different and trying to uh, I don't know what this looks like like the support of Wes or the overly so I don't want to say overly supportive, but being the right type of uh support system for the, the person I'm trying to support, because that varies. I didn't to support because that varies.

Wes:

I don't know what I should do. Sometimes I don't know what's too much. I don't know what's too little. I'm trying to figure it out, but my heart is in the right place and I was discussing that with one of my friends and I guess they felt that, like I said, I'm not going to discuss what they were going through, but I guess, what I wanted to do and how I wanted to support them, I guess they felt like it was too much at that time. Like yo, you're already doing enough. You're already doing a lot.

Wes:

You don't need to do that. And it was pretty much feeling really down on themselves. And I'm like yo, if I'm going to be your friend, I have to act like your friend. I have to, I have to exude those qualities of a friend. I have to exude those qualities of someone that's reliable or support person and things of that nature, and things of that nature.

Wes:

And and the fact that I actually heard myself say that out loud, I'm like, damn, I'm really, I'm really uh, I'm really progressing in my emotional and and and and my mental capability when it comes to, uh, just wanting to be a better person. I'm, I'm getting better at being, I'm being, I'm getting better at being around and being in the now and in the observant and being present. And you know, it kind of made me happy. Okay, I'm seeing progress and stuff like that. So every time I have a moment like that, it makes me want to do more, it makes me want to do more, it makes me want to do better, like, for example, my nephew.

Wes:

My nephew just started school back up and I'm like, ok, I said I want to be the cool uncle, the fun uncle. So let me, let's, what uncle things can I do? What should I be doing in this situation? Because you know that sometimes your kids, your, your nephews or your nieces, whoever your cousins, your little cousins all they want is your time. If they think you're a cool person and I am happy to say my, I feel like my nephew thinks I'm a cool person I don't think that sometimes, but he does so the best thing to do was just to do stuff with him like, uh, we went to go get a haircut, we went to go pick up some shoes.

Wes:

He got some shoes, I got some shoes, went to eat Like it was things of that nature and not to say I don't hang out with my nephew or my family and things like that, my nephew or my family and things like that. But it was a, it was a moment to be intentional with uh, the time I spent with him and how I bonded with him and seeing his uh, seeing his back to school pictures that my, that my sister sent me and he had on the shoes that I got him and the nice haircut and he was ready for school. It, I'm not gonna lie, it really made my day.

Wes:

It uh and it, uh, it warmed my heart in a way that I didn't. I've never had it warmed, not to say I've no one's ever warmed my heart, but this was a different type of feeling and uh, and I uh. At that moment I got what it means to be present. I got what it means to to actually uh kind of live and not just have life happen to you. I also understood that me wanting to be a better person is not a okay, I did this one thing I should be done, or I'm talking about it and not put forth the effort. I'm talking about it, but I'm also not putting forth the effort.

Wes:

So it's just as good, because I know my flaws and I want to say that was a turning point no, I'm not gonna say I want to say I'm gonna say that was a turning point for me because I got a positive internal response from that. I didn't do those things to for him to like me or anything like that. I did it because I said I was, that's who I want to be. These are the characteristics of, uh, what I feel like is a good uncle I should be doing that stuff more. The characteristics of being a good friend I should be doing that more.

Wes:

And it's turning out to be very, very fruitful. My family sees me differently when stuff like that happens. My friends see me differently. I'm thriving on the fact that I am actively developing I don't want to say actively developing a tribe, but just good relationships, because at the end of the day, that's kind of all we have is our relationships with people, because all the material things can come and go right. So I'm forever going to talk about being a good man, but I'm definitely going to being a good man, or being a good me, being who I say I'm going to be. I'm always going to talk about it, but I'm definitely putting actions behind it.

Wes:

I don't know, I guess I can chalk it up to getting older, uh, wiser, grayer, but it is following or or, or attempt not attempting, but yeah, attempting to to to improve upon those things such as, you know, your patience and stuff like that. It's, it's hard work. I wake up every day literally saying, all right, this is what you're going to do. All right, you're going to actually be aware, don't be on cruise control, don't have a what do you call it? A, uh, a flow chart life where one person says how you're doing and you say, I'm all right and you keep it moving like well. If I thought you say I'm okay because you're programmed to think you're you know to say you're okay or I'm good or good morning.

Wes:

Good morning, like that type of thing. Like, spice it up, don't live on uh cruise control. So, yeah, it's it's. I struggle with it. I'll probably uh continue to uh get better. Uh, it's not something that I'll probably uh achieve, because nobody's perfect, but I'm. I'm here for the journey. I'm here for continue to get better. It's not something that I'll probably achieve, because nobody's perfect, but I'm here for the journey. I'm here for the challenge. Ultimately, this quote is a direct challenge to our ego. It tells us to stop seeking external validation through our words and start building a strong inner character through our actions. It's a call to stop debating our values and start living them. I want to thank you for joining me on the According to West podcast. Until next time, may you have the courage to stop arguing about what a good person you should be and simply be one.