According To Wes

Truth, Not Comfort

• Wes • Episode 16

Share episode

What if the pain you’re avoiding is the very thing that could set you free? We take a hard look at a Stoic claim—“the truth never harmed anyone; what harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance”—and test it against real life. From medical diagnoses and failed business bets to the slow leak of unspoken resentment in relationships, we explore why the sting of truth is acute but corrective, while the comfort of denial quietly compounds into long-term damage.


Wes:

Welcome back to the According to West Podcast, the podcast where we face challenging truths and discover the freedom that comes with seeing clearly. I'm your host West, and today we're grappling with a powerful idea that's as relevant today as it was centuries ago. No, it's not the idea of it's cheaper to keeper, but the quote of it's the truth I'm after, and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance. This quote, often attributed to Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius, is a radical departure from how many of us instinctively react to difficult information. We often avoid the truth because we're afraid of it or feel like it's going to be painful, and we'd rather stay in the dark than face a reality that might be uncomfortable, challenging, or even devastating. Marcus Aurelius' message is a direct contradiction to that impulse. He argues that the pain isn't in the truth itself, but in our willful avoidance of it. Not facing the truth leaves you looking wow crazy out here. Even if you glued on one of those man units on your head, it's it still makes you look crazy. Like everyone knows, my guy. Everyone knows.

Speaker 1:

Yep.

Wes:

As always, let's unpack this and discover why pursuing the truth, no matter how difficult, is the ultimate path to healing and a better life. The first part of the quote, the truth never harmed anyone, is a bold claim. On the surface, it seems wrong. A difficult diagnosis from a doctor, an honest critique of our work, or the realization that a relationship has failed, these truths can feel incredibly harmful. They can cause emotional pain, fear, and grief. But Marcus Aurelius is he's speaking on a de uh a deeper level. He's making a distinction between the transient short-term pain of a truth and the long-term systemic harm of living in a lie. A diagnosis of an illness is painful, but the truth of it allows you to seek treatment and heal. The lie, persisting in ignorance, allows the illness to fester and cause far greater harm. Another example is, you know, admitting your business is failing is painful. But the truth allows you to pivot, learn from your mistakes, and try again. The lie, that lie portion of this is, you know, it's persisting in self-deceit, which leads to financial ruin and wasted effort. Um even confronting a difficult conversation is uh is uncomfortable. But the truth of your feelings or the truth of a situation allows you it allows for resolution and growth. The lie in that is uh persisting in avoidance uh and avoiding the conversation. Avoiding that conversation allows resentment to build, damaging relationship beyond repair. And in every single one of those cases, the truth is the catalyst for healing and progress. It's an aversion stimulus that points us toward a better path. The harm isn't in the messenger of truth, it's in the underlying reality that was present all along and which we choose to ignore. Now, for the second and perhaps the most critical part of the quote, what harm? What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance. This is where we find the real villain of the story. Um Marcus Aurelius says that harm isn't from the outside world, but from our own act of choice to look away. Self-deceit is when we when we lie to ourselves, basically. It's it's the moment we choose to believe a comforting fantasy over a painful reality. You know, this can manifest in different ways, like denial, um, which is you know, refusing to admit our problem exists, rationalization, it inventing excuses for our bad behavior or poor decisions, or simply blaming others, refusing to take responsibility for our own actions by projecting fault onto others. Self-deceit is a form of emotional debt. You avoid the the small, manageable pain of confronting a problem today, only to have it compound into a much larger, more painful issue down the line. It erodes our integrity and keeps us stuck in a cycle of bad habits and poor decisions. The greatest harm of self-deceit is that it prevents us from taking corruptive action. Now, ignorance is um ignorance is slightly different. It's not an act of lie, but a passive state of knowing or not seeking to know. In a more modern context, it's about staying in your in your own echo chamber, refusing to learn from people who you disagree with, or choosing not to educate ourselves on complex issues. The harm of ignorance is that it leaves us vulnerable. We make decisions based on incomplete information, we become easily manipulated by misinformation, and we remain blind to the opportunities for growth. Ignorance allows us to be a victim of circumstance because we haven't given ourselves the tools to navigate it. The pursuit of truth is an act of empowerment. Persisting in ignorance is an act of surrendering that power. So, why do we avoid the truth? If the truth is so liberating, why do we avoid it? Our brains are wired for survival, and that often means avoiding pain. Facing a difficult truth triggers a primitive fear response, but it's also tied to our ego. Our ego wants to be, it wants to believe we are competent, we're right, we're in control, and the truth challenges that. Staying in the known, even if it's painful, feels safer than venturing into the unknown. The truth often forces us to change, and change can be scary to trade long-term growth for short-term comfort. Truthfully speaking, yeah, yeah, y'all see what I did there. Truthfully speaking. Truthfully speaking, my personal issue with avoiding the truth has been unequivocally tied to my ego and my current comfort zone that I'm in. For an example, I'm currently dealing with the harsh reality that I may have to actually uh schmooze and brown nose a little bit to be noticed and possibly get ahead at my 9-5 job. And for anyone that knows me, and for the listeners that are just starting to get to know me, that is not my forte. It's becoming apparent that it's becoming apparent that the myth of it's not about what you know, it's about who you know is actually factual. However, my ego won't let me see that. My ego is telling me uh work hard and your hard work will prevail. And that's just not happening. My hard work is not prevailing. Um the hard truth is I may I may only be seen as a reliable worker or someone that solves the problems and gets the job done. Uh and that I'm I may not be anything interesting outside of that. Which sucks because my comfort zone is hard work, being resourceful and improving the skills that I have. That's what I'm comfortable in doing. Um, but unfortunately, it's uh clearer that uh I need to add schmoozing and brown nosing to my unofficial resume. So, listeners, how do we become seekers of the truth even when it's difficult? One thing that we can do is cultivate humility. True seekers of the of truth must be humble enough to admit that they don't have all the answers. They've the first step to finding a truth you've been avoiding is to admit you might be wrong. Another example is to practice radical honesty. That sounds scary to me. It's scary as fuck, because uh usually my radical honesty does not lead me anywhere. But it's probably because I'm not starting small. Maybe I'm being too radical, but um, you know, be honest with yourself about your emotions, you know, your habits, and your actions. This internal honesty is the training ground for facing larger truths, and that's something I need to practice. Start small. Another example is uh seeking objective feedback. Ask a trusted friend or mentor for honest feedback, ask them to tell you the truth, even if it's difficult to hear. Shout out to Jane and James, they help me with that all the time. Another way is to embrace discomfort. Learn to tolerate the feeling of discomfort. Understand that it's a temporary feeling that comes with growth. The pain of the truth is temporary, the harm of self-deceit is chronic. And last but not least, we gotta learn to use it as a catalyst. When a difficult truth is revealed, immediately we should shift our mindset from why me to what can I do now. We need to use the information to take corrective action, to learn, and to grow. This quote is a timeless reminder that our greatest enemy is not external forces or painful realities, but our own internal resistance to what is. The truth is our greatest friend. It is the light that reveals the path forward, the tool that allows us to heal, and the foundation upon which we can build a life of integrity, resilience, and genuine freedom. Thank you for joining me on the According to West Podcast. Until next time, may you have the courage to pursue the truth no matter where it leads to you.