According To Wes

Quit The High, Keep The Glow

• Wes • Episode 21

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0:00 | 15:22

What if the most expensive waste of time is the chase itself—the endless loop of clicks, bites, buys, and swipes that never quite deliver what they promise? We pull apart the difference between a quick hit and a lasting glow, showing how the hedonic treadmill and dopamine’s “more” drive keep us busy but unsatisfied. Instead of vague self-help, we map the biology, the economics, and the philosophy—then bring it down to earth with raw stories about dating for the high, friendships that only exist at the party, and the quiet power of building things that outlast a mood.


Wes:

Welcome back to another episode of the According to Wes Podcast. I'm your host, Wes, and today we're talking about the most expensive waste of time in the modern world. The chase of fleeting pleasures. We live in an on-demand culture. If you want to hit a dopamine, you don't have to hunt a mammoth or build a house. All you have to do is scroll, click, or buy. But have you ever noticed that the more these hits we get, the emptier we feel. Today, we're exploring why chasing the high is a race you are biologically programmed to lose. First, we need to distinguish between pleasure and satisfaction. Pleasure is a spike. It's external sensory and and it's brief. Think of the the new notification buzz or ringtone or the taste of a donut or that first bite of a cheeseburger, the thrill of a slot machine. It feels intense, but it has no off switch, only a more switch. While satisfaction is a glow. It's internal, it's character-based and lasting. Think of that feeling of finishing a marathon or mastering a difficult skill. Like it's it's everlasting. In economics, the more you consume of something, the less joy you get from each subsequent unit. The first bite of chocolate is having the 20th makes you sick. Chasing pleasure is a pursuit with a built-in expiration date. In this in this particular case. Why does the the high never last? Science calls this the hedonic treadmill. Your brain is designed for homeostasis. If you flood your brain with pleasure, it defends itself by turning down the volume. This is why the second million dollars doesn't feel good as the first thousand. This is why we need more and more hits just to feel normal. Um I'm sorry. The second million is gonna feel good in the third and the fourth and the fifth and the sixth and the seventh and the eighth. But that's just me. But uh I didn't even believe that when I said it. But back to the uh back to our regularly scheduled uh programming here. Most um most people think dopamine is about pleasure, it's actually about craving. Dopamine is the is the more molecule, it drives you to seek the reward, but once you get it, the dopamine drops. This creates a calm down that forces you to seek the next hit just to feel normal. And with that, pleasure has a uh has a sort of a dark side because it's fleeting, it leaves a void when it vanishes. We try to fill that void with more pleasure. Well, satisfaction doesn't have this problem. You don't overdose on the feeling of being a good parent or master craftsman. Your brain is obsessed with balance. If you flood your system with cheap pleasure, such as social media, junk food, easy entertainment, your brain actually deregulates your receptors. You become numb to simple joys. You need more stimulation just to feel okay. This is why chasing fleeting pleasure is a waste of time. It raises the cost of your happiness while lowering the quality of your joy. The pursuit of fleeting pleasures is ultimately a waste of time. While pleasure can be something you can simply purchase, true satisfaction is a quality of character that must be intentionally developed. A life dedicated to chasing momentary pleasure is like being on a treadmill. You exert a great deal of effort yet never actually move forward or experience any new growth. Beyond biology, there is a philosophical cross. The Stoics like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca argued that pleasure is a fickle master. When your happiness is tied to a fleeting pleasure, like the approval of others or the thrill of a purchase, you are no longer in control of your life. You are a slave to circumstances. If the pleasure is taken away, your peace goes with it. Remember, fleeting pleasures are almost always easy. They require no effort, no growth, and no character. For example, watching a movie is a pleasure. Writing a screenplay is an endurance. One leaves you with a few hours of entertainment, the other leaves you with a piece of yourself. The time spent on the easy is wasted because it doesn't leave a footprint on your soul. It's like eating empty calories. You're full for a second, but your body is still craving for nutrients. The pursuit of pleasure ultimately mirrors addiction. Continuous indulgence diminishes the high until the act is no longer about enjoyment, but merely a necessary means to starve off discomfort or withdrawal. This is the biological fate that awaits those who live solely to chase pleasure. So, if the chase is a waste, how do we spend our time instead? We have to shift from consuming to contributing and creating. It's a perfect example. Spend 20% of your time on cheap pleasures, movies, good food, relaxation, and spend 80% of your time on difficult joys, building skills, nurturing relationships, and contributing to something bigger than yourself. You can also practice delayed gratification. You know, it's something we learn to value the slow burn. Pleasure says, I want it now. Purpose says, I'm willing to wait for what matters. The time spent waiting and working is where your character is actually built. A year from now, will you remember the 5,000 hours you spent scrolling? Or will you remember the 500 hours you spent learning a language or building a garden? Fleeing pleasure is a time thief because it leaves no memories behind. Now, we've all been told to look for it. That immediate connection, the butterflies, the feeling that you've known someone forever within 25 minutes of eating them, right? For me, it was always if she was carrying a wagon, she had a nice smile, then you know that would give me every time. And as I've gotten older, I've learned. For women, I'm sure it's something like does he have good teeth and hairline? I listen, I don't know. Uh, but let me know in the comments, woman. What what is that? What is the ooh, he gives me butterflies feeling as soon as you meet him or as soon as you see him. Uh sometimes we think we are looking for a partner, but in but actually we are looking for an escape from our so-called regular dagger lifestyle. Someone that is spontaneous and unpredictable and incredibly charismatic. To me, that would be an example of chasing pleasure instead of satisfaction. And that is something that I definitely have done in the past. Most of us do, but definitely me. Like, like that, that deadly three-piece combo, personality, booty and brains, like, oh yeah, I was for a long time in my life, I was chasing that. And don't get me started. If she loved to do like ball-headed whole shit too, that was my chef's kiss at one point in time. But as we all know, as men know, if you got older and you realize and went through some shit and experienced some stuff, that when you prioritize pleasure, your brain develops a red flag filter. Because the pleasure is so intense, your brain literally deactivates the parts of your the parts of your brain responsible for critical judgment. You start to do, not gonna say you start to, but you know you with that uh comes with you doing reckless things like uh leaving it in. Oh, excuse me, not using a condom. Should be busting raw anyway. But you start to do things like that, you you're not prioritizing the right stuff. And I've been in relationships where I I ignore all those signs. And one uh person I was with, I ignored those signs for years. Damn near ruined my life. Um but I've come to learn that the that the pleasure of their company was what was getting you know getting me high. That that I was feeling like the chemistry will solve the incompatibility issues that we had. Issues that I just failed to recognize at the time. You know, satisfaction in relationships comes from shared values and mutual sacrifice and the quiet security of knowing someone as your back. And this particular relationship in in general, uh when I look back at it, none of that was present. Because our connection or my connection was built on the high, the moment things became normal, they felt boring to her, not necessarily me. Like to keep everything good or the pleasure alive, we had to escalate things, and there was always fights, she she always wanted to do something bigger and better, you know, which led to more intense eyes to mass the what wasn't really there, which was a connection, a bond. And with all relationships like that, when life gets hard or when it gets real, they crash, that's the end of it. If you have a family crisis, or you know, they won't be able to be a source of support and stability. Now, with that, the same could be said about any relationships, even relationships with your friends. For an example, when you only when your only interactions are when you have been drinking or partying, or when you're doing something for them, and you don't build meaningful memories, or you don't have you're not working on those bonds and connections, the relationship itself is fragile, and almost any minor inconvenience can cause a fallout. Like someone's feeling like they're being disrespected, or someone is being disrespected because they think the relationship that you guys have is I don't know, like you're looking for something that's not there, you're tricking yourself. Now, as we close this episode out, I want to I want to leave you with a challenge. Identify one cheap pleasure you use to kill time. This week try to replace it with one difficult joy and spend that time on something that makes you better, stronger, or more connected. Thank everybody for tuning in and stop running on that treadmill. See you next time.