Hi everyone . It's that time of the year again where people are starting to head off to college , some going back for a second year , third year , fourth year and some going for their first time . We recorded an episode last year when both Rachel and I had our first kid heading off to college . We had experienced this for the first time and it was quite a bit of an emotional roller coaster and we did a podcast right after we had gotten home to share . Since then , it's been about a year . Rachel has another kid going off to college .
Speaker 1I don't I have another year to go , but I'd like to share first before we rerun that episode , to let you know how we what was going on and to help people who are going through it right now . To let you know that so much happened in that year that you never expect . What we did learn is that you never know how things are going to turn out . I thought I was never going to have my son back at home again and that changed . He decided to transfer back up to New Jersey and he's decided to go to school in New York . So we're right now have him home again for a while until he finds different living arrangements so you never know what will happen . So with that we'd like to send you back to one year , back for us and how we handled our first kid that went off to college .
Speaker 2Enjoy our first kid that went off to college . Enjoy . Get Lost in Jersey with Rachel and Jeanette talking about life just outside New York City .
Speaker 1Hi Rachel .
Speaker 2Hi Jeanette .
Speaker 1How are you ? I'm not a mess , it's a jet lag . It's like jet lag , I discovered . I was like what is this ?
Speaker 2feeling I feel like a worn out yeah , that's a good way to put it , I think you're right Like we dropped off our first born at college . Got home , it does feel a little bit like jet lag , like you're like you worked 18 years as a mom . You get there , you drop them off . You're like , wow , that went fast , fast , but it didn't . But you feel like it did , and then it's like getting them set up .
Speaker 1Tell me your story , because we just barely texted so just to catch everybody up is that we just both got back from dropping our kids off from college and we said why don't we tell each other about ? It and we get on a record and I want to hear your journey . We should tell each other .
Speaker 2It was an experience it was definitely an experience , and I . It's again one of those things where people can tell me a hundred times what it was like , but until I went through it , this is raising children in a nutshell . Until I go through it myself , I cannot relate .
Speaker 1My respect .
Speaker 2Intellectually you can , but not emotionally .
Speaker 1Exactly my respect for anybody that has already gone through this our parents , specifically , or our aunts , or anybody that's older than us is like oh I'm so sorry , I never listened to you . You are so far , you have done so much more than I have ever gone through Like I never given you credit for like I feel like that's 100% true .
Speaker 2I remember writing my mom a thank you note after I gave birth to Ellie and it was like that sort of illumination . Like this is so difficult , so emotional , and being a working parent , what in the world just happened ? And you already did all this , wow , yeah .
Speaker 1Okay , so tell me , okay , I think , what I would like to do . First of all , I think we should have this podcast in the event that somebody is going to go through this or is going through this or has gone through this or anything , so that they can maybe identify , not feel alone .
Speaker 2Identify .
Speaker 1Maybe we can help prepare them with a couple of things . Maybe we can help prepare them with a couple of things . So your story from the moment okay , you got your kid through the whole college application process and then the days are starting to dwindle down of how long it is before they're going to leave and you're told that you got to start getting dorm preparation . Yeah , so tell me this .
Speaker 2I really wasn't stressed out about any of that . I was like whatevs . She also is very organized and she she knew what clothes she wanted to bring . She looked up on what she wanted to . She had already found a roommate via Instagram and blah , blah , blah . So they were working together on aesthetic , what they wanted to do , how they wanted it to look .
Speaker 1And was she packed like before , a week before ?
Speaker 2No , it was more like two and a half days before , but again , it wasn't . It wasn't too crazy . Also , we didn't have to fly like you did .
Speaker 1Well , yeah , but so here's a good . You know , the great thing about us is that we have different experiences , right ? Okay ? So you know , milo came home at three 30 in the morning the night before we were supposed to leave and packed at 4am in the morning . I cannot , I cannot . I woke up . I was like what is all this noise ? And I looked at him and he's in there and he's like throwing stuff in the suitcase . I'm like are you packing right now ?
Speaker 2And he's like yeah , I cannot believe that .
Speaker 1And so . So then I thought maybe he had gotten up early to do it , he had actually come home late after hanging out like with everybody , and then was it took a pack .
Speaker 2What Wait ? He had more than one piece of luggage .
Speaker 1He had like a big suitcase and then like a roller , like small roller , and then two duffel bags . Okay , did you ship anything ? Yeah , we shipped a bunch of stuff . We did it . We did the whole like buy stuff on target , you know , pick up at the local target , and had a few things shipped to the hotel from Amazon , okay , okay . And then we did a few runs to the to target when we were there and all of that stuff Is that kind of what you did too , cause we drove and so we could fit a lot in the car and , um , we did order a couple of things via Amazon to her dorm .
Speaker 2Um , and then we did have to do a target run when we got down there to try and get under bed storage . And that was classic because her roommate had everything . It was the second kid going to college so the parents were like in and out , they came in , they had everything packed in every under storage . Everything was done in like a half a second . They they even had that mallet where you can raise the bed up or down .
Speaker 1Correctly . Yeah , we're all just struggling to do it .
Speaker 2Ellie's like I really need a lot more storage . I'm like , yeah , yeah , we're just going to go to Target . Of course , I'm a ding dong and we get to Target and it's all sold out . It looked raided so we had to improvise . We improvised pretty well , so we found stuff that will work . It's not the classic stuff , but it's fine , it's all good .
Speaker 1But the thing that's so strange , the emotional part of it all .
Speaker 2I was going to say were you guys like chill ? Were you stressed ? Was it like easy going ? What were their dynamics for the few days ?
Speaker 1Well , I mean , I think you know I'm just trying to be really good , you know , like not be emotional and not be like annoying , you know , because this is the life you don't want to get in a fight .
Speaker 1A bad impression you don't want to leave in a bad place . So , you know , I think that we were just being real accommodating , very , you know , no nagging or whatever kind of thing was going on . We went to dinner a few times and it was taking everything in me to just not fall apart . You want to control the whole goodbye ? You know , ours is a very unique situation . He's rooming with his childhood best friend , you know Right . So , yeah , we went out to dinner and we then went and did another Target and then , of course , we all got in a fight in the car . Of course , yeah .
Speaker 2I mean it was like it makes sense .
Speaker 1I mean , it wasn't , it wasn't him , it wasn't with him , it was actually Roger and I got in an argument because we'd been bickering , you know like off and on , and it just kind of got really big . And Milo was the one in the car was like look , look , just see everybody calm down , you know , like calm down , you know like we don't need to be doing this . You know , we were all I was like we don't , we absolutely do not need to be doing this .
Speaker 2Oh , that's cute .
Speaker 1So it kind of calmed down . And then we helped him move his stuff in , and then we said goodbye and I you know Theo was like I can't believe you didn't cry . I was like he did not see me , like I just , you know , I turned really quickly and just kept it together . So how did you say goodbye ?
Speaker 2I didn't think I was stressed , but it was like that emotional stress probably of like holding it all in , holding it in . So Bill and I were definitely on edge with each other .
And then we did have dinner with her that the night before because we drove all the first day had dinner that night . It was like a quiet , weird dinner , just the three of us , because she said goodbye to her sisters here before we hit the road which was so emotional and it just uh .
Speaker 2So watching that was terrible , but wonderful that they love each other , but terrible , yeah , and then , um , it was so , oh my god and I hate hot weather and it's I mean , but it was like hot hot , it was like a little bit hot you know like 90 something degrees hot and humid and it was like just sweating through everything .
Speaker 1It's gross .
Speaker 2Yeah , gross , and then that morning we had breakfast with her and that we like we had all calmed down a little bit , yeah , but it was that was hard Cause you're just like you know you're seeing them alone and young , feeling young and vulnerable , and even though we know our kids are going to be fine . It's all going to be a great learning experience . It's a huge transition for all of us . Yeah , like the dynamic at home is going to be different for all of us .
Speaker 1Well , like I told you . I came home I walked up the stairs and I saw the room where he's no longer there and just walked in and laid on the bed and cried . I mean I hope people listening do not think , oh my God , listen to this . I think it's really universal .
Speaker 2I don't .
Speaker 1I think that everybody goes through this . This is not like a oh these you know , get over it , your kid .
Speaker 2I think that we just didn't notice .
Speaker 1We didn't notice our parents were going through this . You can't help but raise a child for those many years and feel a bond you know is changing . It's like that new chapter . Theo kept saying it's a new chapter , it's a totally new chapter .
Speaker 2I was like it is a new chapter . I get it , I got it , but we have the same chapter . Theo , we're still in the same chapter , you and me Same chapter .
Speaker 1You're not , yeah , you're not . But yeah , it was sweet Because you know my , my sons have always bickered and fought and stuff , so you did see the warmth there and that was like also like something that was extremely emotional for me because you don't see them ever , ever being . And I mean my younger son was just he was so I can't even tell you how proud I was with him of helping through the whole process and he was saying that on the way back we were saying would I go , would you want to go down there and visit you know , on your own ? He was like I could totally see myself doing that and then I was thinking , oh my God , if he goes down there , what's going to ?
Speaker 2happen . That's the best , because their relationship's totally going to change now .
Speaker 1One of the things that I'm really thinking about is what kind of person I'm going to be now to this person , you know , because I don't want to be like the you know , like oh , he hasn't texted me or he's not calling , and that whole texting and connecting and feeling . It's to be determined how that's going to transpire , but my son's never been a big texter of me and I don't think it's going to get better , you know . So how do I manage that ? I don't know .
Speaker 2I think I think it's fair to say to him like hey , you know , I love a weekly check-in . You know , I think that is totally acceptable for us because we do text . But it's more like logistics . Yeah , we would always text because she I'd be like she went grocery shopping for me , I'm going to miss that , yeah . So it'd be like , can you grab this ? But you know , but it wasn't like how are you or any of that . So , I wonder . I'm going to try really hard not to over text .
Speaker 1But I did read something that said a sweet post about somebody talking about the hidden texts that say I miss you , but don't say I miss you . You know like . You know , like the food here is terrible . That means yeah , yeah . That means they miss home food . You know like things like that .
Speaker 2Yeah , oh , I have good advice for my cousin Karen that she said , cause she's had two off to college . One has already graduated at one as a senior in college . She and she's like do you remember when we would call home to our parents crying about like it's so hard , this class is awful , I'm bombing , I have no friends ? And I'm like I have no friends and I'm like , oh yeah , I did that a lot to my mom First semester of freshman year . Poor mom , she's like well , that is an I love you .
Speaker 2And then it's them letting out the worst shit to you . And then later they're usually feeling so much better because they let that all out to you . They're usually out with friends . So she said I had to remind myself . If her daughter or son called and dumped all over her like all their pain and sadness , she'd be like , oh no , this is the wrong school , it's the wrong fit . She would have , you know , all go there first and then text them like two hours later and say , hey , are you feeling better ? And the kid would usually be like yeah , I'm totally fine , I'm out to dinner with so-and-so and so-and-so like . She'd be like I'm totally fine , I'm out to dinner with so-and-so and so-and-so , like she's like , oh right , oh right .
Speaker 1So she said , remember that . Okay , I'm pretty sure I'll never get that . I'm like , I'll be , I'll be like what you're calling me to tell you know , cause he's just , you know , my son's always been a quiet kid .
Speaker 2So that's for the other people listening . It's not for Jeanette , Not for me but it's good advice .
Speaker 1It may be a little different for you , and me as well , because I've lived in the South before . But heading down , how did that feel ? It's different because , you know , did it feel Southern ? Yes , like the city . Did you like the city ? Yeah , it's a beautiful , wonderful place . I mean it was a little too hot right now , but it was amazing city , I mean . What I couldn't believe is so my son went to Charleston and your daughter went to Virginia , yeah , and so the thing is is that I didn't realize the beach is like 15 minutes away . Oh , yeah , it's a really beautiful place . It's a beautiful , interesting city , I mean , but it's different , you know it's different people are there and just different culture . You know it's , oh yeah , yeah , people super friendly , though that's the thing that I'm really excited about for milo is that I think that he will learn from that you know , yeah , he's gonna have to like when he goes to get any sort of like food or any service from any restaurant or anything .
Speaker 2They're gonna be so friendly to him he's gonna have no matter who you bump into , they are all nice to you .
Speaker 1It's pretty lovely . Yeah , it's very very , you can get used to it .
Speaker 1I know you can , but I will tell you this much yes , when our plane landed and we got out at the newark airport and all of a sudden I was like , oh , so glad to be back in new jersey . I mean , it's really really nice , which is confusing , because it is confusing . There's just such an energy here that you can't get anywhere else . It's like new york , it's like , you know , every , there's like every , there's a like a rainbow of people . As soon as you get off the plane there's a different style .
Speaker 2It is just something . It's something and it's weird . We felt like driving there , because it's like six and a half hours . It's so beautiful , like the trees even get bigger and lusher , and like the magnolia trees are insane , and I'm like , wow , and the mountains are in the background . I'm like wow , and the mountains are in the background . I'm like this place is gorgeous and everybody's super friendly and I said I'm so glad she's having you know , four years outside of the bubble that we're in . And then it is true , though , but when we get home , I'm like , ah , we're home . True , though , but when we get home , I'm like , ah , we're home . I mean , but I do think it's . It's important that our kids are , it's lucky that our kids are able to go to school . In a country that's so big and so different every state , every city in every state it is a great thing to go to college somewhere else .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , it's like they're all . Every state has something really fantastic , you know , and something to learn from . I really think it's great to go and travel in this country , this country . You know everybody's talking about going abroad , you know there's so much to learn here too . You know , I know so much , so much here , here too you know , and we'll all have to regroup at Thanksgiving and tell you how that first trip back was .
Speaker 2You know like what's it like when they come home , how they slap back into the family dynamic . Yeah , like what's that gonna be like ?
Speaker 1Yeah , I don't know . It's a scary time and it's also exciting time . It's sad time . It's also exciting time . It's sad time . It's a mini , mini time . But I tell you what I have , really I would . I saw some younger parents today and I was like , wow , I don't relate to you anymore . I did that same thing .
Speaker 2I took june to target earlier for her back to school shopping and she's going into eighth grade . But we saw parents with little ones , little little cuties like one sitting in the shopping cart , the other one kind of melting down and I was just like oh , what is that like ? And then the other part of me is like , gonna be that crazy old lady , that's like . It goes so fast , just enjoy it , and that would be horrible . I do going to be that crazy old lady , that's like it goes so fast , Just enjoy it .
Speaker 2And that would be horrible . I do not want to be that person .
Speaker 1It's terrible , but it's so true . But yeah , that's the whole thing .
Speaker 2It's like you really get all the older people now I'm a cliche at every phase of my life
. We just can't , we can't .
Speaker 1I can't help it . I think that's what I'm trying not to be , but I don't know if I can fight it . I'm like I don't want to be that mom where they're like you need to call me . Why aren't you calling me ? You know , I don't want to be that . I don't want to be like you just never call . You need to call home , honey , I hope you do that . You do it .
Speaker 2Do it as a voice memo on oh my God , please , just like , just .
Speaker 1I mean , you need to take me to some sort of like parent rehab If I start going into some place like that where I obsessively texting him .
Speaker 2Why are you not ? That would be so funny if we could set up a parent rehab and be like all right , everyone in there's going to be a deprogramming where it's like a cult we're in so remember who you were before , remember who you were before , but I don't , I don't I literally can't connect with the rachel before . I don't know who she was really . Well , who the hell was she ?
Speaker 1we're not supposed to . I don't maybe we're not supposed to we're , but we're supposed to still be humans . But apparently we still have a life right because I'm I'm pretty sure that birds that kick their bird and I'm not the not that we're birds , but , um , you know , they go on . I mean , what do these birds do once their birds go away ? They still go on . I watched that falcon . I was obsessed with this .
Speaker 1Oh , you were , yeah yeah , yeah , I was obsessed and I watched the whole process . When the little baby's falcons learned how to fly , they were all gone . You know it's like , and the mom was like me too I'm out ? I don't . And then she just went off , I think . Or do they get back to get ? Do they still have ? Do they have ?
Speaker 2thanksgiving . I don't know falcon lovers , please let us know . Do they keep coming back ? Do they come back together for ?
Speaker 1thanksgiving or like . I think I'm anthropomorphizing , or how do you say it ? Anthropomorphizing , yes you are . It would have been nice to talk to a mom that had done all of them you know like oh well .
Speaker 2So I was in target with ellie and bill . We were all like running around crazy to try and get the last minute stuff down at the university and , um , she ran into a girl that she had met up here for like a new jersey dinner kind of thing and her mom , this girl's mom , had met up here for like a New Jersey dinner kind of thing , and her mom , this girl's mom , had tears streaming out of her face while holding a cart and she was wiping her eyes and she was totally flustered and I was like , oh , like I saw this kindred spirit . I was like , hi , is it your first going to call ? Is it your oldest and your first going to college ? She goes no , it's my last , it's the worst . And I was like , oh , it totally makes sense .
Speaker 1It does .
Speaker 2Because we're going home to an empty house .
Speaker 1I know I was thinking that today . I was like why didn't I have like 10 kids ? God dang it , I know right , because by the time you get to the 10th one , you're just , you know it's , you're pretty much , they're like unpacked , you know what , just drive yourself to college . Yeah , by the time you get to the 10th you don't need to go to college . You've got grandkids already . You know what I mean ? You've got like it's like , it's like a oh , totally , yeah , so it just you messed that up .
Speaker 1Yeah , we , we should have had more kids . Oh , what are ?
Speaker 2we thinking that was dumb .
Speaker 1I'm glad that I have somebody to go through this with . And I mean I really appreciated you texting me in that picture of Ellie and Milo , that picture of Ellie and Milo is amazing .
Speaker 2So cute Young cutie baby . Amazing . So cute Young cutie baby faces . I know how are they like people now . Well , we did it , we survived , they will survive . You guys out there will survive and I'm sure we're going to go through lots of , lots more ups and downs .
We'll let you know if I get a text if anybody texts me in the next month . If you don't , I might text Milo myself and just be like dude , text your mom , she's unbearable . Or I'll say bruh , text your mom . He'll be like oh God , rachel's more embarrassing than my mom . Text your mom . He'll be like oh God , rachel's more embarrassing than my mom . That's fine , I don't mind if I embarrass myself to him . Well , I'd appreciate that .
Speaker 1Thank you very much . With that , we have this wrapped up episode and next week we have more interviews coming . Yep , hope you enjoy Okay .
Speaker 2Bye , bye . Interviews coming . Yep . I hope you enjoy . Okay , bye . This podcast is produced by Rachel Martens and Jeanette of Sharian . Please follow us on Facebook and Instagram . We hope you share this pod with your friends and family and let us know what you think . Check out our website at lostinjerseysite and don't forget to get lost .