13. What it's like to be LGBTQ+ PT.2 - My Coming Out

Get to know me a little bit better!!!!

This week I share about my origins (aka my coming out story) and how that's related to why I started Wildly Connected Photography. I also share on why having representation and equality are super important in the wedding world.

Please consider donating to the following in response to all of the anti- trans and anti-lgbtq+ bills circulating our country.

The Trevor Project
The National Center for Transgender Equality
Sign the petition for stopping anti-LGBTQIA legislation

And please continue to uplift trans voices as well as finding your own ways to support.

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)

Transcript

0:42

Hi everyone. What a weird and whirlwind past couple weeks it's been, I didn't feel like I could start this week's episode without acknowledging the terrible things that are happening in the world right now. And I'm sure many of you have seen either via the news or social media, all of the bills and debates and conversations that are happening right now. So I didn't feel like this could just be a normal episode or. A fully published episode without acknowledged what's happening. There are currently 431 anti LGBTQ plus and anti-trans bills in America right now. Everything from banning drag to forceful detransition to banning lgbtq plus books in schools, or even outing students to their parents and more. If you're in the community, these aren't new ideas to you and. Attacks certainly aren't new as the lgbtq plus community has long been a community under attack, but that doesn't change the fact that when these things come up, it's still both harmful and immensely scary, and that's super valid. It feels like we haven't known what the future holds for us for the past year. I first and foremost want all the listeners here today that are part of the LGBTQ and trans community to know that you are loved and supported by everyone here, even when you aren't by the world. Please be taken care of yourselves during this time when it feels like there's something constantly or someone constantly coming after your joy and your identity. And secondly, I want us to all be finding ways that we can make our voices heard during this time, whether it's protesting, lobbying, signing petitions, or donating. There's all sorts of ways we can fight for our community and allies too. I hope that you're listening and recognize that you have a place here too. I will link some places you can donate in the show notes, so please consider checking those out. And beyond that, I hope you listening today, especially our trans friends out there to know that you are truly beloved. And with that, we can hop into this week's episode, but I did also wanna point out that this is a continuation of last week's episode. So go listen to that one first if you haven't already. Um, I just wanted to say that in this episode I sort of continue the conversation and share more about my experience in being part of the community. However, I do also wanna point out that I am such a small percentage of the community, and I do really appreciate those of you who are listening to me and, and hearing me out. It, it means a lot. And I also want to encourage you to be actively seeking out other perspectives and other people's stories within the community to listen to, because I just can't even speak for their experience. And I think we really need to take this time to be actively seeking out folks in the trans community to be hearing their story and uplifting their voices right now as well. So just wanted to put that. Before where the episode starts, and now let's dive right in. Clearly, beloved, welcome back to this week's episode. Thank you so much for joining again this week. I feel like I'm proud to say this in the last week's episode, but my name's Anna. I'm your host. If you didn't know and you'll never guess who this week's guest is. What's up everybody? My partner Angie, is back with us, I think. Thought you got the last for last week, but she is back here. We got more things to say. So Angie, will you please just quickly reintroduce yourself for those of you who dunno her? Yeah. What's up everybody? I'm Angie. I am Anna's partner. Um, that's the most important title I own. I was here last week chilling, talking all about myself, so. Okay. and we share the same pronouns here. Yes. Sheer. Yep. And I'd also like to note, if you have not listened to last week's episode, you should definitely go back and listen to that. We share a lot about our experiences as being gay people in this world. Very interesting. Highly recommend. Highly recommend. Also like to point out that our dog is with us here today, so if you hear any noises from her, I do apologize. Jump in it. Yeah. Well I was on last week and had a blast and talked all about myself, which is my favorite thing to do. Um, but I realized I think I should probably. Reverse my seat, my role and actually interview Anna this week because I feel like what she hasn't done the best job of, you know, Letting you guys in to see how weird and exciting and great she is. So, dunno I to say weird first, but you know, on the nose. But, um, yeah, so I'm taking the mic over this week and MCing this bitch and not appropriate. Is that not appropriate? Why would you? I dunno. It just came out. Are you gonna cut that out? Where were we? I'm Scene this bitch. How are we doing today? I got this, babe, I got this. Do you? Yeah. Well, I nailed it the first time, but you had to laugh. Sweet. So you ready? Ready As are. Okay. Question number one. Are you homosexual? Oh, oh, goodness gracious. I didn't think we'd start out with a, with a hard one. Okay. Um, yes, yes, I do. I identify, depends on the day. Sometimes lesbian, sometimes it's gay. Just depends. But all days loving me, which is the most important. It's pretty bold of you to say. Yes, that's. All right. So now that we have the important question answered, how about you tell us everyone's favorite question and a little bit about your coming out story, and then give us all the tea, all the deeds. Oh gosh. Um, I think my coming out story is a bit of a weird one because it didn't necessarily happen in one go. Like you see in the movies where a kid comes home from school and they're like, mom, dad, I have something to tell you. And that's, that it was kind of all over the place. So like technically I came out when I was 16 to my, just to my brother because he's also. Um, and I was seeing a girl at the time, but after that I just kinda shoved that like way, way down. And, I tried, I really tried to date guys and it was just, ugh. Just gave me the ick every time. So, yeah. I was still having crushes on on women, but also just trying to not think about it basically. And that was largely because at the same time I was still getting a lot of messages from church and like hearing my roommate say, yeah, I would never hire a gay babysitter. I don't want them to influence my child and a lot of them are pedophiles anyway and stuff like that. So, yeah, there was just a lot of things that every time I would start to think about it, I would immediately be like, nope. and then it finally came to the end of my senior year of college. I was actually graduated at that point and I just really started to feel like I couldn't shove it down anymore. Um, and so I started going on dates of someone who was not a man, but I was still hiding it from most people in my life, except for like two or three friends who were really, really supportive. That was awesome and it meant a lot. So it was during that time that I was seeing someone and like realizing I was still having to talk to my mom all the time, who was always trying to set me up with a different guy that I, I decided to tell her. And so I told her over the phone and. It was just before I was even done talking about it. I was just like, please, I know this is not what you believe in, but like, can we learn together? I have some really great resources. And she was just immediately like, Nope. I know what I believe. I, I figure all that stuff out in high school and I don't need to think about it anymore. Then basically I just begged her not to tell my dad. Cause I knew that I needed to do that, but I was also like terrified. I pretty much, in that time I actually started seeing someone else. You'll never guess it's you, Angie, and things. Where things were going really well. And so I also decided I needed to tell my dad, but that was about, um, six months later after telling my mom and she was like constantly threatening me. So that was a great time. So I finally called up the pastor, good old pastor, yeah, I just heard like so much disappointment in his voice. Like none other, which, you know, we all know here is like worse than, anger when someone's disappointed in you. and then, yeah, something similar happened shortly after with my other brother, except for an set of disappointment. It was just like pure, disgusted and anger. Yeah, once I let that all settle in for a while, and knew that they probably all had time to tell all their prayer groups and everything, that's when I finally publicly came out in 2021 by posting a picture with Angie and then I turned my phone off for the entire day cuz I was just too scared to look at what people were gonna be saying. And I received so much support from people and it still makes me feel really warm and fuzzy on the inside, thinking about all the people that have super supported me. So if you're listening, thank you. And at the same time, it was still a really hard and confusing time of life because it was amidst that support that I. Was also like losing a lot of friends. People that I thought were supportive were coming out with, at me with ulterior motives of, they wanted to get coffee at a chat about how that wasn't God's best for me. And they wanted to give me books about people that had once been gay and no longer were, and they wanted to. Say they wouldn't be at my wedding anymore if I married a woman, or they wanted to just quote unquote understand because gay people just didn't make any sense to them. So that was fun. Um, but yeah, every day I'm reminded of the love and support I have in my life and still also hyper aware that. Being gay isn't always just a big happy rainbow. And I think that my own experience with that is really kinda what led me to choosing this path and to really focus on the community and my business. Thank you for sharing. Cause I know, I know that's a question that I personally am curious. Every community member how their experience was, just because everyone's is so different. So thank you for sharing that. Um, but yeah, that, that bad coming out stories suck. So I'm sorry that, that that was the case. So can you tell us a little bit like what you do and why it means so much to you? Yeah. So I am a LGBTQ plus a wedding and elopement photographer, and it's so important to me. this is actually great. This is like why we kind of did this in two episodes is because. It's so important to me because of all my experiences and what I've seen and I've seen and experience firsthand just how poorly queer folks can be treated. I've experienced that like from my own parents saying that, I'm terrible and I'm sin, and that God has better for me and. Thinking about just all of the sadness that comes with that, and also watching other friends. And obviously you and my life go through terrible things just for being who you are and loving who you love. it's like beyond important to me to create not only safe spaces for people in the community, but spaces that make them feel. Celebrated and like they have as much of a seat at the table as anyone else. Okay, so let me ask you this, and it's gonna sound harsh, so bear with me. Does it actually matter? And I'm saying that from the perspective of you and I have both have encountered, you know, people who are like, you don't need to get married. Or like, or why doesn't matter. Like why can't you just have your own separate day? Why can't you have your own like totally separate? Entity and like why do you have to get married? Like why does it matter? I think it matters so much because, even just thinking about the term in the closet implies that you are hiding yourself. You're separate from the world. You have to like stay in this tiny box. And who wants to live in a closet? Like it's sad and depressing and probably a tight space. No one wants to do that. And that same thing applies to being in love and being true to who you are. You don't wanna live your whole life living in a tiny little box of society, wondering who's gonna accept you and who's not. It's important because we need to. People feel like they are loved and welcomed and accepted no matter what. And I mean, like the ultimate goal is to live in a world where everyone can love and accept people. And it's not a question, and I don't want to say that queer weddings are, you know, Become a job and it's a job of those couples to educate people and to make the world a better place. But that's definitely an avenue for it to happen. You know, the more queer people that get married and have those celebrations and love out loud, the more normal we can make it and show people that we're humans just like everyone else. No, that's great. I definitely, I respect that and yeah, I think that's a really powerful thing that you help people have those experiences and. and I, and I will say this, watching you do your thing you make and going along with you on a couple weddings and helping out you, you really do give that experience to people like you really give them an experience that I'm sure a lot of people growing up thought they wouldn't have, or that it would look a lot different. Yeah, just the, the pure joy that I've seen on people's face because you allow them to express their love openly and authentically, and you celebrate it, and you encourage it is actually something that I'm very, very grateful. I've watched you do, and I don't think I really realized the importance of what you do. To that magnitude. Like I know you do a great job, pictures and everything, but like witnessing you, giving people the opportunity to have something that a lot of us growing up never thought we would ever have. And the joy in their face when they have it is, it's really, it's, I can see why you enjoy doing what you do. Um, it's intoxicating, so. Yeah. Thank you for that. Thanks babe. Thanks for being my hype woman. Yeah, anytime. Um, this won't be your wing woman, but, okay. Yeah. Fair enough. All right. So when you go into a shoot, whether it's an engagement shoot, whether it's, you know, a wedding, an elopement, anything, do you have a number one priority or does that differ throughout each shoot? Like do you have, like, I'm going in and this is my goal and objective? Or does that kind of change depending on who you're working with? Yeah, I think big picture, the goal is to make people feel. Super comfortable and like not questioning anything, like not questioning who they are, how they present, who they love, who they're there with. Like it's just to make them feel comfortable and also like kind of a fine line between like, I want them to feel normal, but also not like they are just like everyone else because they have different experiences. So, I feel normal in the sense that like what they're doing is totally like accepted, but also it's like, heck yeah, like celebrated. I do think like session to session, it changes just in that every couple is different and might wanna feel different things as far as some might wanna feel like super cozy and intimate and others might wanna feel really fun and playful. so always trying to do that too. So how do you connect then with people that have different backgrounds, different life experiences than you is that ever something you get anxious about or worry about? Like, you know, just in general, like how do you bridge that gap and connect? Yeah, that's really interesting to think about. I think it's something. Actually touched on a few episodes back, I think that actually since coming out myself, it's like it's just changed the way that I see the world so much and like made me so much more of a curious person because not everybody is the same and I just love asking questions. You do. And I, I feel like, um, back when I was in the closet and was working primarily with straight couples, it was very much like, it felt like a lot of the same thing because I knew that a lot of those relationships were structured the exact same, you know, man's in control and that's just how, that's how the pictures are. That's what the energy. And now it's like there's just such a wide array of people. And like, also, not to say that that's not true in, in straight couples. I know there's really awesome straight couples out there. But specifically like in the queer community, there's so many different kinds of folks coming from so many different walks of life that it's just made me so curious. Yeah, I just, I love asking questions and I feel like it makes the session so much better because when you ask people questions, they get to talk about themselves and they feel comfortable and you get to learn about them and yeah, it's pretty fun. Yeah. Again, not to hype you up too much, but I think one of your best qualities is you have the ability to like, make people feel so seen. I mean, not to talk about me, but. Let's talk about me. Even on our, our second date. I remember you had asked me a question of like, what are my dreams and what do I wanna pursue in life? And I was driving and you were in the passenger seat. And I just remember that was the first time in my life that someone had, because you had completely turned your whole body to face me. And like were just like looking at me in such awe. And I just remember being. I don't think I've ever felt seen like that before. And Yeah. You do a great job of seeing people and, and letting people be them and seeing them who they are. So yeah. Hip up some more. Here we go. Oh, you can't be making me blush over here. But she leaves her hair in the drain. So we, we, we have that going on too. Oh my God. Pros and cons. People, pros and cons all right, so let's like ease the moment so I can stop complimenting you. what is something that's happened at a quote unquote traditional wedding that's like boiled your blood like you saw red, like that just made you just want to jump out of your body? Oof. Uh, I will say that, uh, a big motivator and making this shift in my career from shooting a lot of straight traditional weddings to working with queer weddings is. And I remember even like this was happening when I was in a relationship with you where I'd be texting you, like if I have to hear someone say or like ask the woman to confirm that she will be submitting to her husband. One more time. I'm gonna rip my hair out. So Anna's in the background going like, girl, don't do it. Yeah, no, don't do it, girl. I just like stopped taking pictures, even if it's supposed to be photographed. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm not photographing that. Yeah, I feel like just unfortunately just a lot of religious things that don't feel super welcoming or inclusive. Also had a 30 year old man like hit on me for the entire evening only to find out that he thought I was 17 the whole time. So, uh, always stuff like that too. Oh, you do look young. Thanks. Okay, well kind of going off that like little religious trauma, here's a question for you. Do you think the way you grew up helped you in any way be better at your job and in the industry that you are in currently? Not saying we're gonna give any shout outs to parents or anything, but do you think the experiences that you've had helped you be better today at what you do in any. Yeah, I, yeah, I truly don't think that I would be where I am without having those unfortunate circumstances, which is like kind of weird to say out loud. But I do think that it gives me such a sense of passion in what I do, because. When I'm driving to a queer wedding, I'm just thinking like, this is something I thought I would never have. This is something that even like four years ago I was still like, I will go to hell for this. So I just think. Yeah. Even though those, a lot of the things I've experienced over the years, do still make me feel sad, it also gives me a drive to do what I do because I just never, ever, ever, ever want anyone to feel the things that I have. Is there any part of your past that still. Haunts you when you're doing this job because you, you're very much like lgbtq, like you, youve, you advocate for them so much. You're part of the community, obviously. Like, is there any part of you that struggles with, that struggles with what you're doing in any, you know, whether it's your, your past self, or things from your past, in general, you know? Mm-hmm. In the. Oh, coming in. I know deep. My dude. Wow. Yeah, I do think it is, I think a lot of times I'm able to separate myself from what's happening in like a, in a healthy way. I'm not like dissociating while shooting your wedding, but yeah, I think that there are times when I see. Like a queer couple and both of their parents are there or something that it's really hard for me to not feel a little bit of sadness, just knowing that I know my parents and a lot of my family would never come to my wedding so yeah, I think, I think there's that and just a lot of. Yeah, occasional like, oh my gosh, am I, am I totally wrong? It's, it's hard to get rid of like 22 years of religious teachings in your mind out at once. But overall, I'm just really excited to see people living their best lives. Yeah. You ready for doozy? I guess, do me a favor, travel back in time. Your younger self is sitting on bed, you see her? What's one piece of advice that you would tell her, or not necessarily even advice, what's just one thing you would tell her and it's, if you need to cry, you can cry. You can cry together. Oh my God. What are we doing? You crying or cry? Oh, is that something I would tell my younger self? Yeah, your time travel, you see your younger self laying in bed, just, you know, Chilling and you have an opportunity to tell your younger self one thing that's gonna help her get through it all. if I were to be able to tell her and really convince her that I'm not a center and like I'm okay just the way that I am and. There's gonna be plenty of people and things that tell you otherwise, but you're not sending, and you don't have to be afraid of going to hell. I think, I think that would've given me a lot more peace. Hmm. No, I like that. okay, so let's try this question. If you were to travel back in time and going into my bedroom, what would you tell me? Oh my gosh. I'm just kidding. With that, let's say somehow little girl, boy, non-binary, someone that identifies in L B T Q Community young stumbles upon this podcast and listens to this and they are struggling. The same things and they, you know, are maybe like us where we grew up believing that, even if we didn't quite articulate why, that we didn't feel like we were gonna have a wedding. Because I know for me it was more, I couldn't articulate why I was gonna have a wedding other than no way in hell I'm wearing a wedding dress. So, um, if someone were to catch this podcast and they're younger and they have the belief that. I can't get married. Hmm. Or I'm struggling with these same things that, you know, you had talked about. What's one thing that you would let them know if you could speak right to them right now, what's one thing? Yeah, I think similar. Just you are loved and accepted just as you are. And, whether or not you believe in like a God or higher power, I think that they do as well. And I think alongside that, I would say you're the only person who, who knows your situation and can assess when is safe for you to come out and fully express. And if that's not safe for you, like that sucks. I'm really sorry. I know what that's like. But please find other ways to express yourself and like, don't let that go pent up. And if you do feel safe and like you will be accepted as you are, than practice sharing that with your safest people, um, so that you can. Start exploring all of yourself much earlier. Hmm. I like that. I only have a couple more questions, um, and we'll kind of end on a higher note rather than deep depressing. Whew. but you're gonna hate this question, so let's, let's roll with it. Um, what is your top, like what do you offer? Like what, like what's your characteristic that you. You know, let me, one, I don't know how to word this. These are all off the top of my head. So do you need to No, no, I'm done with those questions. I ran out of'em a long time ago. Um, so you're gonna hate this question, but what is, what is something that you own and do so well in the industry? Or when you're shooting? Like, what is one thing that you have pride over like. I do that and I kill that. Oh, I dunno if I can do that because I have like a million compliments that I can give you watching you do your thing. But I wanna know like, Let's say I'm a, I'm, you know, part of a couple that's like asking you, Hey, to shoot our wedding, to shoot our elo. Why should we choose you? Okay, yeah, yeah. You're an LGBTQ photographer, but Blake, what do you bring to the table? I think what I always strive to do is to connect and be kind with people. And that's something that I try to tell clients and like other people I work with, that that is my priority. Like, yes, I try my absolute darnedest to get you the best possible photos, and that's super, super important. But if we walk away, From our time together, whether it's your wedding or just a session and you're like, wow, that was like really awkward, and that day or that hour felt like an eternity and it was just weird. I would hate that. Above all else, I want people to walk away being like, that was so fun and. I forgot that I was stressed about these and I felt really good about myself and I felt great about our love story. That's what I strive to do. Hmm. And again, for same experience, you do that very well and not just with pictures like I, I see that in your everyday life, how you strive to connect and bring kindness and, yeah. Let me tell you something, people. I never see Anna's phone unless she's like showing me something on her phone, like if we're hanging out or like having dinner. I don't even know where her phone goes, but it's nowhere near us like she is so locked in and like, it's great. Yeah. No, seriously, it's great. Okay, last question. Do you love me kidding? Yes, babe. I love you. Um, last question. Your perfect day. Like you're anywhere you can do anything. You don't have any gigs, any work, unless you absolutely. How are you spending that day? What are you doing? Tell us all of it. Oh, I mean, obviously I'd be capturing a elopement. Just kidding. That's not your perfect day. Hate it. No, no. Um, well, yes that or honestly, just anything outside, like hiking. Okay. Wait, wait. No, I think I would get. And I would go to a really cute coffee shop and I would read, and then I would pick somewhere new to go hike and explore at and be there pretty much all day. And then I would come home and cook some really warm, yummy food, crack open a Guinness and hang out with you. Oh, so I'm not allowed on the hike? No, I don't say that. No. He said, no, I need my alone time. No, which is fair. I probably have more fun. I just might bring earplugs if you come. That's, that might be smart. Honestly, I would just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Mm-hmm. All right. Well, that sounds like a really early, great day. Would you cook for me too? Mm-hmm. Maybe. Okay. All right. Okay. For stealing my job this week. Yeah, Angie. You know, making my life so easy, except for that you didn't, you asked me so many hard questions, but people had to know. People deserve to know. So thank you so much for letting me steal the mic and Yeah. Interviewing you cuz I learned something new about you all the time. Yeah. And I, I would like to end by saying that it is, It was super strange to be asked all of these questions. It feels a little bit weird, uh, being that I usually like to interview people, but I think the main thing that I would like people to take away from this is that I truly and deeply care about what I do, and it's not, it's not just a business for me, but it's something that feels. Deeply personal and I truly just want the best for the people that are getting married. Yeah, something that I never thought I would get to have and watching that happen for people and like facilitate that as my job is truly so special and such a joy for me. And so. I think above all else, I'm really grateful that I got to share a little bit more about why I do what I do, so thank you. Thanks for sharing that. Like that was, yeah. Super powerful. And I don't mean to steal the limelight away from that super powerful ending, but like I also forgot, we have the lightning round to do so real quick here, we're going with it. Okay. Question number one. What's your favorite snack? Ginger, disgusting. Mm-hmm. Okay. Question number two. What's your all-time favorite TV show? Uh, favorite TV show? Oh my God. Or is there a TV show that like recently you've watched that you really like? Okay. Yeah, it's recently, I'll say, the Sex Life of College Girls was very fun to watch. Okay, good one. Good one. Uh, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? I do love Guinness. Mm-hmm. What's your favorite date to go on with? Well, obviously hiking, I know you have mixed feelings about it, but depends on the time of year and how far we're going. Mm-hmm. Because homegirl can walk people, she once walked 12 hours straight. Not me, 33 miles, not me. Never. Not without complaining. 32 of those miles. Mm-hmm. Um, what's the last question? What's the number one thing that Zula does that drives you up The. So for context, Zula is our dog, and she's just a very, she's very needy and she makes a lot of noises. So when I'm on calls with clients, she'll be in the background making noises like none other. And it's very annoying. Yeah. She's just moaning away in the background as if she's dying withering away. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's all I got for you today. Thank you so much for answering all these questions. I am sure people are gonna love this. And yeah, just get to know you more and better and I'm really happy. I gotta be back on the podcast. I would love a permanent seat, but I don't think she's gonna gimme one. Yeah, don't worry, everybody. This is, this is the last time, the end of it. Oh, she'll never be back. Thanks. No. But thank you Yeah, for interviewing me and clearly Beloved, I will see you here next week. Hmm.